Next Level University

Let’s Be Real About Your Goals… (2072)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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What pulls you forward, your deepest goals or the company you keep? In this honest and playful exchange, Kevin and Alan peel back the layers of motivation, asking what truly guides our steps. Through stories of childhood wounds, quiet insecurities, and the brave pursuit of purpose, they explore how peers can lift us or lead us astray. This isn’t just about chasing dreams. It’s about choosing the path that’s yours. You’ll laugh. You’ll reflect. And you might just see your journey with new eyes.

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https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:51) Feeling different became a superpower
(6:45) The three major influences on success
(9:08) The subtle ways we’re influenced
(12:07) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(14:48) Are your goals shaping your circle?
(16:25) Growth, leadership, and losing friends
(20:49) How to grow with the right people
(21:06) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

What motivates you more, your goals or comparing to other people, comparing to your peers, comparing to your friends? I think if you asked me, I would probably say my goals, but I wonder if that's my ego answering and we're going to get deeper into that today.

Alan Lazaros:

I've been thinking a lot about influence and what influences people and how to be a better leader, and I was thinking to myself. I think three things influence people a lot. Number one is goals I think that's actually the rarest. Number two is your peers, your peer group. And number three is your feelings, and I think that if you do want to achieve success, you're going to have to focus on being influenced by your goals more than your peers and your feelings.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to next level university, next level nation. Today for episode number 2072, let's be real about your goals, alan said to me. I said let's do an episode on what inspires you more. I think he said motivates, not inspires. What motivates you more your goals or your peers? We're doing this on a saturday. Alan and I were having some some strange funny conversations behind the scenes, so we're very light-hearted right now. That was hilarious man that was good I did a little, did a little little promo pretend promo for coconut water.

Alan Lazaros:

yeah, yeah, it was. What did you say, wwwgetthenutcom?

Kevin Palmieri:

yeah, getthenutcom. It's a real shame that we don't do ads or sponsorships, because we would knock it out of the freaking park. When you would crush, you know what we could do.

Alan Lazaros:

I said four w's, I don't know why, excuse me, wwwgo, it's good, there's not many people there? There's's not many, that's good.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's exclusive. You know what we could do and again I'm going to waste everybody's time really quickly here what we could do and they've done this on like various late time, late night television shows. We could do like fake made up parody ads. That would be funny. I'm going to come with one for a future episode.

Alan Lazaros:

I did have a moment production team real quick. We're not going to do this right now, but we used to have bloopers way back. Yes, if we did still have bloopers, that would have been one of them, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

We could do it. We could do a monthly, a monthly blooper reel. All right, I was on a podcast recently and I said for most of my life I felt like I was circumstantially different than everybody else and it was beyond my control. I grew up without a dad. That was always weird. We didn't have a lot of money. It's family was strange. I always felt different and I never felt like I was in control of the difference. Then I said then I started making decisions that actually made me different than other people, on purpose Trained to be a professional fighter. Nobody does that shit. What are you laughing at?

Alan Lazaros:

This unbelievable urge to jump in and say wait, you didn't.

Kevin Palmieri:

You didn't have a dad.

Alan Lazaros:

I didn't. I'm sorry, I did. I'm in a weird mood. He exists, just not to me. You grew up without a father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not something you're supposed to joke about, but it's you and me.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, we both. We both did, did so we can. Who's gonna tell me I can't joke about this? Is my freaking life, exactly right, I'm not telling you you have to joke about it, but alan and I know each other. It's like one of the pillars of this whole thing. We grew up without dads. I'll get back into serious mode. It's okay, saturday exactly. Tyron's doing Vacuuming or making a shake or something.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a good vibe, it is a good vibe.

Kevin Palmieri:

So, all that to be said, that I think I am probably more motivated by my goals than my peers, because for a long time my goals and the goals of my peers were different. So if I was motivated by my peers I wouldn't have accomplished my goals to start. And I also don't necessarily expect I don't know, I expect the necessity to be motivated by my goals more than anything else. Is that, is that not normal? You think?

Alan Lazaros:

yeah, I don't think it is. I think that you were less motivated by your peers than other people, out of necessity, because you didn't believe in yourself and you didn't think you'd be successful, so you were really scared to let other people influence you, I think and so it's fair and you also had this weird thing where you wanted to be different, love it. You loved being different.

Alan Lazaros:

I still do, I still love it, so you would purposely run in the other direction. Of anything common I got a lot of significance, which I think added an element.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think I got a lot of significance from that. I think for most of my life I felt extremely insignificant because of it and then eventually it was like, oh, interesting, people treat me a little bit. Oh yeah, people treat me a little bit different now that I want to like fight professionally, even though they don't believe in me. But it's like they don't believe in me because it's a really random thing interesting. And the podcast thing, it's like we didn't nobody really believes in that either, but it was unique, so there's something about it yeah, what is that about you?

Alan Lazaros:

you are very influenced by staying unique I don't know I like it, it's important, it's important to me, it's probably one of the reasons you've stuck around with me. Very unique. It's a very unique relationship we have. It's a a very unique business we've created. I'm a very different human. Yeah, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

What are you? Are you more motivated by your goals or your peers Goals?

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, but peers was second, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, there's only two of them. They were in conflict. There's only two of them, so that would have to be number one and number two, no, there's three. Oh sorry, I got lost when you said www. Getthenutcom.

Alan Lazaros:

GetTheNut. Do not go there. Yeah, no, definitely, Seriously definitely don't go there. Does it exist? It was about coconut water. Yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Does it exist? I don't know If it does exist. You don't want to be there.

Alan Lazaros:

It's probably not about coconut water. No, it's definitely not. It's all fake. Don't do any of that.

Alan Lazaros:

The three things that I think influence people most Goals I don't know why I lead with the rarest one Goals. And then peers. There's a Harvard study 94% of your results in life come down to your reference group, which is your peers. Of your results in life come down to your reference group, which is your peers. And I don't again I would have to dig deeper to figure out the how reliable that metric is. That sounds a little extreme, but I do think that's a huge part of it.

Alan Lazaros:

Even my clients I have 20 clients that I coach in business and I was talking to a client last night and I said we're going to get you past a hundred K this year, one 50 next year and then two 50 in the third year. Thoughts, she said, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. And I said what do you think? And she said well, I know it's going to take a lot. I'm a little scared. I said I appreciate the honesty. We can get you there. And also, if you're not going for that, you got to tell me because I'm probably the wrong coach for you.

Alan Lazaros:

Because, in all honesty, I don't want to help people who don't want to maximize their potential. I want to. I know we can do it, there's no question, but I need to know you want to do it too, because otherwise I'm just going to be a pain in your ass and I'm sick of doing that. I'm sick of being a pain in people's ass. Right, I'm really. If you have big goals and you want to grind toward them and you want to build momentum and believe in yourself and aim high and work hard, you're going to love me. But if you want to hang out, I mean you're going to fucking hate me and I just don't want to play that game anymore. So hate's a strong word. So what influences me most is goals, but I was overly influenced by peers, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm sure I was at a time. I don't know. I think back to maybe.

Alan Lazaros:

What about Matt? He influenced you a bunch.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, and I think the influence was. I knew in certain things I was going to be the leader, so it wasn't that I was influenced by somebody else's example. My wife is hammering the vacuum right now. I can hear it. I think she thinks I'm. I told her this was. It was the chief officer's call, because we were supposed to have the chief officer's call, so yeah, that's no, no, that's okay, I should.

Kevin Palmieri:

I could have communicated. It's all good. That's my wife. For those of you who can hear, she's currently vacuuming and hammering against the door. Love her to death. It's my, that's my baby. Happy saturday. Happy saturday, I think. I think I'm more influenced by the example I'm trying to set, as opposed to the example somebody else is setting. So I would say I am motivated, but maybe not in the way that I originally thought we were going to go.

Alan Lazaros:

Real quick, though this is what I've gathered. You correct me if I'm wrong. Kev loves. He says people love it when you tell them about them, especially me. I'm going to tell you about you, please. What I've observed is that you have.

Kevin Palmieri:

You always have someone you're following in fitness, so sam sulik you always have someone setting the pace in business.

Alan Lazaros:

It's me. In personal growth, I would say it's me in being a good person. It's taryn.

Kevin Palmieri:

In finance it's matt yeah, no, it's you, it's you, it's okay, it was matt for for a time.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, definitely yeah, and sam sulik in fitness how often do you watch him not?

Kevin Palmieri:

as often as you think. Oh, really he. So here's the thing. Taryn asked me that she's like what's sam up to and I was was like what she said Sam on YouTube, he is my boy, he just doesn't know it yet. And I said I haven't been watching Sam lately. And she said why? What did he do? And I said he didn't do anything. He's bulking, I'm bulking, and he's bulking two peas in a pod when I'm cutting, he's cutting two peas in a pod. I love that. Taryn said what did he do? Because you've had many. Yeah, most of my heroes have fallen. Sam is still still there. Still there, I mean, I, I feel like he's a good person.

Kevin Palmieri:

I hope he is he's humble, even though he's honest, seems like he's super honest. So but yeah, I would say maybe once a week, if that at this point yeah, well, you're very selective with who you let influence you.

Alan Lazaros:

I've noticed I can't.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's very hard for me to be influenced by people I don't like. It's very hard. I'm at the stage now, like when I go on podcasts and people say a name with somebody I don't resonate with. I just don don't react at all, rather than going like mm-hmm. I just look, somebody was like oh yeah, grant Cardone, the ultimate salesman, and I was like I've read his book. It's terrible, it's not good, it's not good, it's not good, not a fan.

Alan Lazaros:

The next step is ah, not a fan. It's hard, I do that occasionally you don't want to break rapport. It's tough, yeah, yeah, it's challenging. That's got to be one of the hardest parts about podcasting is just how do you stay in rapport, you're going to offend someone and the last person you want to offend is the person sitting across the microphone from you.

Alan Lazaros:

It doesn't make for a great interview when the whole premise of the interview you're like well, I don't really think that's true. It does make a joke, and then they're uh, yeah, but, and it's a whole thing.

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to next level university. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the next level dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes. I've gotten, I think, better at that. I think that's been really good. Okay, back to the point of the episode. What influences you, listener or viewer? Peers, goals or feelings, peers, goals or feelings, feelings, feelings.

Alan Lazaros:

The argument I would make what I would advocate for, not argument, what I would advocate for is if you want to be more successful, want to be more successful. It's almost like, are your goals a byproduct of your peers or are your peers a byproduct of your goals? Because I think when I went to college and I went to engineering school, my peers were a byproduct of my goals, because I surrounded myself with the smartest kids I could that were also in computer engineering, because I needed help. I mean, it was not an easy program. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I partied a lot so it was even harder. I didn't make it easier and I feel like a lot of my peers were predicated on my goals and I actually think in hindsight that's why I don't.

Alan Lazaros:

I think some of my friends I know for a fact that a lot of my friends from my past are upset with me and if I could talk to any of them I would say I think that my peers are a byproduct of my goals, more than for me friendships are not just friendships. Like my relationship with Emilia was a byproduct of the mission we're on. We've had co-hosted events with people in the past and some of them were upset that we kind of moved on really quickly from them and they felt one of them felt used and I said, listen, I we had to keep going. I don't, I don going. I don't want you to feel that way, but we're never going to stop. We've done eight years of events in a row. We're not going to stop and I think a lot of people feel hurt by that.

Alan Lazaros:

But my relationship with the team Amy Lennius, you, Christina Brandon if there's anyone I'm missing, I know there's a bunch I'm missing, but the point is. All of those relationships are a byproduct of something much bigger than me, and I wonder if I it's almost like I'm really close with a lot of my clients that's based on goals. I'm not just friends with these people to be friends with them. Every conversation we have is to reach our goals and dreams. Every relationship I have is a byproduct of me trying to reach my potential and help others do the same. And that's who I am and that's my purpose. But when I was younger I didn't know that and I wish I did, because I could have said hey, by the way, don't be offended if we don't hang out like we used to. I have to grow past this level.

Alan Lazaros:

Like the next level if you're not coming with me, that's fine, but I'm going to keep going to the next level.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's why it's so lonely, because when goals change, relationships change.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

And I think that's why growth is so hard, especially if your relationships are based on growth. No, I think they all should be to a degree. I don't know, I don't know what the right amount is. I think the right amount, the right percentage, is based on you. Obviously, you and I's relationship is all about growth, goals and growth. Yeah, 100% Right. But my relationship with Matt is not the same percentage as it is with you. Yeah, right, wrong or indifferent, I don't know, but it's still some goals.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, know, it's still some goals. Yes, yeah, he has big goals as well.

Kevin Palmieri:

yeah and if he didn't, I wonder if that relationship would work. I don't know. Last time we were, we were talking a bunch about fitness and money and mindset, like we always. There's always some level of growth in the conversation, but it's it's not necessarily yeah for me. If he decided to change his goals tomorrow completely, I don't know how much it would actually affect me.

Alan Lazaros:

It would a little Back when me, you and him worked out together. We all did fitness shows at that time. It makes sense. My peers have always been a byproduct of my goals. I don't think I ever. I don't think I ever fully understood that to the extent I do now. I wish I wish I had been more clear about that, honestly.

Kevin Palmieri:

I feel like I did most of the stuff first. I feel like so my friend group really valued cars. I got the first nice car and then everybody got a nice car. After I did I got the first tattoo and then everybody got tattoos. After I did I did the first fitness show. That everybody did the fitness show. After I did, I feel like for me it was always I want to do something different and then everybody, not everybody. Again, that's leadership. There's like three fucking people I'm talking about.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm not talking about an entire group of humans. There's three people. Maybe two people at times 3,000 people did a fitness show.

Alan Lazaros:

Maybe one person, kevin, got a tattoo, and then everyone, everybody, and then everyone, everybody in the planet.

Kevin Palmieri:

Person ever having even have one to even think about it. But I think for me it was always. The goal might have been significance, the goal might have been perception it, but it wasn't that other people were doing it and I wanted to do it. I didn't know any podcasters the beginning of this. That's why I wanted to do it. I don't know anybody personally. That's podcasting. Let me start a freaking podcast. Nobody else that I know is doing it other than you. Now there's a lot. Now there's a lot, but I don't think I did it. It's a good trend yeah, that's cool.

Alan Lazaros:

That's cool to think about you've been a leader without even knowing it. Yeah and no of no getting no credit. No credit from these people either, unfortunately no well, I that's.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's a good lesson for me, because I think, even if you're not actually motivated by your peer group, but if you're doing it because you want to be different than your peer group, you are technically motivated by your peer group, just not in the same way.

Alan Lazaros:

I never realized this. This will be my next level lesson. I know we got to jump. The goals you choose in advance will change your peers.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

I remember I'll never forget this we were supposed to me and my best friend growing up we were supposed to go to the same college. We both wanted to go to WPI and he didn't get in and we were. It was never the same. We were never as close and it makes perfect sense. I would go to his college, umass, amherst and party and he'd come to WPI and we'd party. But it was never. It was never. I was closer with my roommates. I was closer with the other people in engineering. I was and these things do like he started smoking a lot of weed. I started partying and I didn't like weed and he did, and we just grew apart.

Alan Lazaros:

Because when you set a new goal, you have to take a new path to get there and that path you might not be able to take the same car. You kind of can't. To be honest, you mathematically can't. That's why industries in the podcasting space there's certain people that are well-known and then out in the world there aren't. It's just like in film. One of my friends growing up is in film in boston. He knows everybody in boston that does film. It's it's a very small. It's a quote-unquote small world. Everything's industry specific. When I was in industrial automation. There's certain companies everybody knows and there's certain companies no one knows when I talk at a barbecue, and so, yeah, your peers are a byproduct of your goals. If you have no goals, most likely your peers are just whatever you stumbled upon or the people that have always been there yeah I used to think I used to hear songs and think that was like a badge of honor.

Kevin Palmieri:

Like you're friends with the same people you were always friends with. If you all grew together, awesome. But if you're just friends with them, because you're just still friends with them, I feel like that's doing somebody a disservice. If you've, if, if somebody has grown and the other people like, I'm not saying you can't, I've. I've been friends with matt since I was in high school, but we've grown enough together and in our own unique ways to make sure it's actually valuable to one another. So, yeah, all right. That's my next level lesson, because we do have to hop dreamliner on amazon if you're looking to be more consistent when it comes to journaling. A lot of perspective, a lot of reflection. Alan is holding it up. It's on amazon. He prefers the hardcover. It might take a week to get to you. I've never had the soft cover so I don't even know what it is like, but I also have the hardcover if you want to join.

Alan Lazaros:

Join Book Club. It is 12.30 pm Eastern Standard Time every Saturday and we're reading a book called Reset. I'm actually late to Book.

Kevin Palmieri:

Club no, no, no, you're going to be on time. I've got you, yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm about to be on Book Club right now. It is a group of next-level people brainstorming every single week about how to make their life better and reach their potential. If you want to reach your potential and you want to brainstorm with great people, that is the place for you. The registration link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it next level.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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