Next Level University

Should You Learn From People You Don’t Like? (2076)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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We all fall for the liking bias, even if we don’t see it. In this episode, Kevin and Alan get real about the hidden cost of letting personal bias block personal growth. They explore why it’s so hard to learn from people we dislike and whether that resistance is protecting us or limiting us. With honest stories and powerful insights, they unpack how to balance values, respect, and ego in the pursuit of growth.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Next Level University - http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
Next Level HOPE Foundation - Reach out to Kevin or Alan. Email and socials below 👇

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Show notes:
(2:55) When bias blocks growth
(4:28) Can you separate the message from messenger?
(6:03) Choosing between being liked or respected
(8:06) The line between tough love and toxicity
(10:07) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(13:10) Why high standards narrow mentorship
(17:11) Learning from imperfect mentors
(19:05) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

One of my weaknesses and in this episode we'll figure out whether or not it's an actual weakness is not wanting to learn from people that I don't like. I've never been able to do it. I will not read a book from somebody I don't like. I will not. They could give me the answers to all life's problems. I wouldn't take them. I don't know if this is a strength. I don't know if it's a weakness. Well, we're going to talk about it today.

Alan Lazaros:

There's something called the liking bias and the disliking bias. It's a cognitive bias where, if you like someone, you inherently unconsciously believe that what they're saying is more accurate than it really is. And if you dislike someone, you might think what they're saying is wrong, when in reality they're actually accurate.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus host Kevin Palmieri and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus.

Alan Lazaros:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Today for episode number 2076, should you learn from people you don't like? I was on a podcast pre-call one time, alan, and I told you I think you were going to do a podcast pre-call and I was like dude, don't even waste your time, don't even waste your time. This is not going to go well. And this person was just like they were over the top and they were not very self-aware. They thought they were super self-aware. I was not a fan of this person and at some point they were like trying to coach me and they're like well, you know, everybody can learn something from everybody.

Kevin Palmieri:

And in my head I was thinking I'm not going to learn anything from you. I don't want to learn anything from you. I to learn anything from you. I don't like you, I don't, I don't. It's very hard for me to parse out the value while disliking someone. So I said to Alan I said do you think that would be a valuable episode? Because I'm sure there's a ton of lessons out there from people that I don't like and like Grant Cardone's always an example I use in this podcast. I don't like him, so I'm not not going to learn anything from him. I've already convinced myself in my mind that listening to his stuff is not worth it and slash, I think I'm also okay with not getting the value, even if it's there. I don't believe that there's like some life-altering thing that I'm missing out on. And even if there was, why can't I find it in somebody that I like?

Alan Lazaros:

well, that's a dangerous game and the other side of this coin. There was a time in our past where kevin wasn't my biggest fan. We went to middle school and high school together, grew up in the same town in massachusetts, born and raised yes a couple young lads, yes, grew without fathers and we did the traditional.

Alan Lazaros:

I did the traditional kindergarten, no, preschool, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college and corporate. And in high school, kev was not my biggest fan. I think that what you're saying if you are mature and physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually well-developed, I think that's good Like. At this stage, if I was your coach, I wouldn't say I don't know. Man, you should really go learn from people you don't like. No, but there was a time in the past where you and I you were more emotionally driven and I was more rational and logical Still the case, but it was extreme before. And the people that I resonated with, that I wanted to interview you didn't want to interview. And the people you wanted to interview I kind of didn't want to interview and we drove to five, which is good because we learned a lot of stuff we wouldn't have otherwise. And I think that that's the dangerous game of only learning from people you like, because what if you dislike them based on ignorance?

Kevin Palmieri:

It's fair and very possible and very possible. Okay, how do you I feel like you're definitely way better at this than I am how do you get to the place where you're open to learning something from somebody that you're not open to liking, potentially?

Alan Lazaros:

There's a speech on my. I have a playlist on my YouTube of all the best content that I've curated over the years. That I think is of value, and I frequent same books, same speeches, over and over and over again. I want to drill it deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper. There's a speech by someone who I don't like at all, but the speech is world-class and the more I dislike this man, the harder it is for me to learn from him.

Alan Lazaros:

But I can override those biases. The disliking bias states that you are less likely to believe someone if you don't like them. That's actually one of the biggest problems I have in life. What I'm saying is really valuable, but a lot of people shut off to it because they don't like me. Seriously, it's just be, and for the engineers and physicists and scientists out there, people don't like you that much and that makes you have less influence. Unfortunately, that's actually one of the biggest challenges I face today is how do I be a leader and be influential without being liked? And you have to choose being. You have to be liked and also respected, and also people have to believe in you and they have to believe what you say has merit and you have to have the results, but you also can't be. You have to be far ahead, but you can't be too far ahead. It's a whole fucking thing. It's really quite annoying.

Kevin Palmieri:

I chose liked a long time ago.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I chose liked a long time ago.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I made a conscious decision of like, look, if I could have one or the other just like me, and then eventually, like 10, 15, 20 years down the line, when I do accomplish some of the things that I said I was going to, maybe you'll respect me.

Alan Lazaros:

I think that's shifting. You're leaning more towards being respected with that toxic guy that we talked about in the last episode. For me, it's more about self-respect, oh yeah, but that's. I think that's the road to respect, because when you're trying to be liked, I downloaded a book once called the 26 ways to be more likable. I deleted it immediately. I started listening to it and I it might as well be sell your fucking soul to get people to validate and like you. And there's the how to win friends and influence people and all this stuff. It's very scary when you start molding yourself to try to be more liked because you can't.

Alan Lazaros:

Everyone has an opinion. If I love Titanic and Kevin loves Titanic, the movie, there's going to be at least 20% of the population that says what are you soft bro like Titanic really? But if you focus more on the people that don't like you, which tends to be a cognitive bias as well, when you get rocks thrown at you, you tend to take that feedback harder than the people that are saying, oh, I love Titanic too, and so we would give speeches and there'd be one person there's one person I'm referring to I back harder than the people that are saying, oh, I love Titanic too, and so we would give speeches and there'd be one person. There's one person I'm referring to. I refer to as Danny Daggers, and this guy fucking hated me and I gave him more attention than the people that loved my speech. I didn't mean to, it's just you identify the threat.

Alan Lazaros:

It's like, oh, this dude fucking hates me, and so, at the end of the day, I think it's very dangerous. We're all a warning and an example and you can learn from people, even if it's what not to do, and I think it's important to stay open. But also try, obviously, to find people that you like, like Brian Tracy boring as shit, but I like the guy and I love learning from him, so that works. But there's some people that are really, really intelligent that I can learn something from. That I actually don't like at all, and that's really tough. It's tough.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, okay. If I said you are my coach, you don't have to say if I was your coach, you are my coach. What am I leaving on the table by not being more open to that?

Alan Lazaros:

Challenging question into that. I don't think as much as you used to, because you have been on this journey with someone so different than you for eight years. But back in the day, dude, you were so closed off to people like me, which are really intelligent people. I went to school and college with some of the just genius engineers right, you learn so much from these people, even though some of them are really arrogant. There's one I'm thinking of right now that I will not say aloud, but he's arrogant as fuck. Like he's kind of an asshole, to be honest not even kind of, but he's really smart and I learned a shitload from him. And he's hilarious too.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know if I'd call him toxic. I think he can be at times, but I'm I'm not the biggest fan, I don't. I don't think he's the first person I'd call to hang out with, but I'll tell you what he's the first person I'd call when I'm studying for electronics, and I think there's something there. There is, but at the same time, when you and I first met, you had an aversion to people that were extremely intelligent, because you were insecure about your intelligence, and I think that and again, correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think we all have these protectors. So, oh, not like me. So I'm instead of saying you know what? I'm not that smart and I want to be around smarter people so that I can get smarter. You would just assume smart people were arrogant, and in some cases they actually were right, I don't know that's.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean, that's a. I'd have to dig on that because I feel like I've I respected intelligent people who were kind, like I feel like that. I remember in the very beginning well, I was, I was buying a laptop and you're like dude, I got a guy Like I'll message the guy. He knows everything about laptops he's going to give us. He'll tell you exactly what to buy. I had massive respect for the fact that this person was so smart when it comes to that. But I also knew this person. They were very kind.

Alan Lazaros:

They weren't like a they were a nice person. Hello, hello, hello NLU listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes. This goes back to what we talked about in the last episode.

Alan Lazaros:

If you did not listen to the previous episode. These episodes go hand in hand. 2074 and 2075?. 2075, 2076. Okay 2075, 2076. Okay, 2075 and 2076 go hand in hand, because Kevin's obsession is being a good person. And then there's, we got to go dig deeper. What does it mean to be a good person? Be kind to other people and don't bully people.

Kevin Palmieri:

Kindness, I think you and I have that I don't like bullies.

Alan Lazaros:

Same. There's a big difference between someone who's intelligent, who's challenging your thinking to try to help you grow, versus being a fucking asshole.

Kevin Palmieri:

You know, you know what got me the dude in the gym? There's, there's this guy who has a personal trainer and he's he's overweight and he was doing like he was doing an exercise of like sitting down on the bench and getting back up and this, this toxic dude, was like you, you ever do that for a workout. It's like dude, why don't you fuck off? You ever thought of that? You ever thought of fucking right off to the corner, like what's the dude's trying? Like what are you? What's, what are we doing here? You're not as good as you think. You want me to tear you apart and how you aren't in good shape. Like no, you don't want that. You should that.

Alan Lazaros:

That I don't know. No, I've thought about it.

Kevin Palmieri:

If he asks me, I'm gonna fucking give it to him well, so he was making fun of someone. Yeah, he was. He was literally making and he wanted me to join in. It's like dude. I'm not. That ain't me. No, what are we? What are we? 12 years old man, did you never grow up like? What the fuck are we doing here? Nice, that dude that always fires me up. But you think I'm gonna learn anything from this dude? No, definitely not a fucking chance?

Kevin Palmieri:

definitely not. I don't care if he has a, a 75 million dollar company and he has all the answers. I don't want him. You keep those answers and I'll go find them somewhere else or I'll just suffer for longer. But we've had mentors.

Alan Lazaros:

This is the problem. We've had mentors that we learned a ton from that. We eventually realized ah, you know, these people don't have the character standards that, yes, we want, and so it's hard for me. I can't tell if I just learned from too many people with poor character or if you were not open-minded enough I think it's both I I do I think it's both honestly, it's definitely both yeah it's both dude. And ideally you'd find people to learn from that also have good character, that is not that easy to do, though.

Kevin Palmieri:

No, I think it's a challenge. I mean, okay, even if we were to do the math, I'm not going to do it. If you want to do it, you can, because that's more your brand than mine, but if some, okay, I'm going to learn from somebody who is successful Cool One checkbox. I am going to learn from somebody who is successful Cool One checkbox. I am going to learn from somebody who is successful and a good person. That's two checkboxes. I'm going to learn from somebody who is successful, a good person and good for the world. That's three checkboxes, and the more checkboxes you have, the smaller the sample sizes, the smaller the nice work is. That is that fact. Did I say things nice that?

Alan Lazaros:

I want if one in a hundred people is successful in the thing that you're talking about yeah and if one in a hundred is good, successful and good character, and if one in a hundred is good, I'm screwing this up. If there's one in a hundred, what are the three things? Character, success and one more uh, good for the good good person, good for the world, successful.

Alan Lazaros:

Give me, give me another one, because good for the world and good person are probably the same. They're very similar, so give me a different one. Let's say in shape, in shape, okay, that's been tough for me.

Alan Lazaros:

For this there's certain there's one person I love his thinking. His name is dan. I'm going to use first names only because I don't want to shit on people. His name is Dan and he's very big in the business space and, as a business student and teacher, I want to learn from people in business and I love this dude's books and his thinking is really good. He's got some mental frameworks that are powerful. I'll give you one the 25 year framework. In 25 years, that's a hundred quarters. What could you do with a hundred quarters? I mean that's just like whoa, I have a hundred fucking quarters.

Alan Lazaros:

Dreamliner, unapologetic plug Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. 90 days is a quarter. A hundred of these dialed in every single day, I mean you can. You can change the world in your own unique way. All right. So his name's Dan. I love his thinking, but it was hard for me to see him speak. He's not a good speaker. He's not in even reasonable shape. He doesn't have any of the other core values I have. He also is kind of arrogant. He is lazy. To be completely honest, he's kind of fucking lazy. So it's harder for me to learn from him because he doesn't share work ethic, he doesn't share humility. He doesn't share fitness like I do, but I still learn from the guy. So this is a good conversation because well, that was the goal.

Kevin Palmieri:

That was the goal for me of this episode is I don't have an answer on this and I don't. I don't even know if I could be persuaded. I don't know if you could. I don't know if anybody could possibly persuade me, I think. I don't know if I'm just that stubborn well, I'm very grateful that you learned from me because, well, I love you. It's not, that's you're love you. You're a good person. You're a good person. I know you behind the scenes. I know you behind the scenes and you're good for the world.

Alan Lazaros:

I appreciate that brother. Like you said if I'm ever toxic or entitled or disrespectful.

Kevin Palmieri:

you can call me up. Yeah, those are the call-outs. Those are the call-outs. I don't know.

Alan Lazaros:

We don't have an answer for this necessarily know we don't have an answer for this necessarily. I know we got to jump super fast. It was good person, it was successful good person and, let's say, in shape, sure. So if it's one in a hundred, one in a hundred, one in a hundred, that's one in a million, and if you're looking for a mentor, you might want to start where you are. So that's my thesis. My next level lesson is get a mentor in your immediate, someone who you can access, and get a mentor or a coach, and they don't have to be perfect, but as long as they check a couple of the boxes, it's good to have a. It's good to have a mediocre mentor than no mentor. But if you can get one that you respect and admire and shares all the core values and is a good person and is in shit like, of course, obviously right, so yeah yeah, I would say again if you feel dirty after learning from the person, that's a sign.

Kevin Palmieri:

If you feel a little bit, a little bit, a little bit uncomfortable or a little bit of discomfort at the ego level, it's like I feel a little, maybe sit, sit with that and I'm telling myself that as much as anybody else, because I'm on the far end of this, the far end, all right, cool, great episode man. Yeah, I appreciate it. It was two of us. You added a lot of value. I tried to add some value too.

Kevin Palmieri:

It was a great topic. It was a good topic. I feel like we had good prep for these two episodes.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, because we were supposed to record one. We were supposed to record one.

Kevin Palmieri:

We didn't, so we talked about with the two that we were going to record. It's good, it's good, all right, cool. Next level nation. If you are wondering some of the other things that we do at next level university, we have a website it is nextleveluniversecom and it has all the things we do, a lot of things. We have a charity, book club, monthly meetups, facebook group, group coaching, one-on-one coaching. There's a lot of stuff. So you're interested, head on over to nextleveluniversecom and maybe there is something there for you, whether it's book club or whatever. Whatever it may be.

Alan Lazaros:

If you are in the greater Worcester area and you live in Massachusetts and you know any single parents, we have a charity event coming up. I'm not exactly certain the day I want to say June 15th. I got you June 15th. I got you June 15th. No, definitely not. No, if you know, we are renting out an entire YMCA. We're going to play sports, we're going to do face paint, we're going to have music. It's going to be awesome, it's totally free. We're going to have pizza. We do this every father's day and every holiday season for children of single parents. We already have some RSVPs that have come through. If you are in the greater Worcester area, if you are from Massachusetts or Connecticut or within an hour drive or two hour drive, please, please, please reach out to myself or Kevin. Our emails and social media links will be in the show notes. Sunday, june 29th. June 29th. Thank you, june 29th. You're very welcome.

Kevin Palmieri:

Very welcome, all right, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it next level.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next level nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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