Next Level University

You’re Screwed If You Think Like This… (2083)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this honest and energizing episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros challenge the comforting idea that you're “exactly where you're meant to be.” They explore how this mindset can quietly sabotage progress, and why taking full ownership is the key to real, lasting change. With personal stories, powerful analogies, and a verse from Eminem that hits hard, this episode is a wake-up call to stop hoping and start building.

Free 30-minute Business Breakthrough Session with Alan -
https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-free-breakthrough-session?month=2025-04
Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin -
https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:26) Ownership is the path forward
(5:07) Coaching means confronting the truth
(8:12) Why effort matters more than hope
(12:50) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(14:26) You can’t shortcut personal growth
(17:20) Blame builds toxic patterns
(20:04) Eminem’s verse on self-responsibility
(22:24) Your future won’t fix itself
(25:51) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

What if you are not exactly where you're meant to be, but you are exactly where you deserve to be, based on the work that you have put in.

Alan Lazaros:

I think that a lot of people are not not reaching their goals because they don't believe enough in what they already believe. I actually think a lot of times it's because of blind spots.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin.

Alan Lazaros:

Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan.

Kevin Palmieri:

Lazarus At NLU. We believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next Level University, next Level Nation today for episode number 2083, or creep it up on 2100. You are screwed if you think like this. All right, you have heard me on my tirade of snuggie self-improvement and we really, really, really want to help and we really really want to add value here. This is my thought Anytime I see somebody or somebody says to me well, you're exactly where you're meant to be, you're in the right place at the right time. I don't agree with that at all. I think that is just.

Kevin Palmieri:

If I do agree with that, my fear for myself is that is me abandoning all responsibility. So if, if somebody says that to me and I say, yeah, no, you're right, that is me literally saying I don't have to do anything different because everything I've done has led me to exactly where I'm supposed to be. Now, if you're saying where you are is directly connected to the level of effort you've put in, I think that's way more accurate, but it doesn't seem as empowering, even though it's way more empowering, I would argue the people that want to believe that are usually probably the people that are struggling, and the people who don't want to believe that are usually probably the people that are struggling and the people who don't want to believe that are usually the people who are struggling constructively. You and I are struggling, but we're struggling constructively. The last thing in the world I want to do is give up the responsibility and say, yeah, no, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think so. I'm exactly where I am based on the amount of effort I have put in, the amount of shortcuts I've taken, the amount of things that I do, know that I don't know the excuses that I've made, and I just think it's a cop out if I think the other way. And if you're already struggling, you probably don't need to punt responsibility. You probably need to take more ownership and look at the truth, and I just think it's one of those self-improvement bumper sticker things that we talk about all the time. That is designed to make you feel good, and I just don't think. Yes, if you feel bad, you want to feel good, but the way to feel good is not to read a quote that makes you feel good, it's to strategize on how to actually sustainably change your life.

Alan Lazaros:

Emilia and Bianca, my client, did an out of the mud yesterday, which is a virtual live event they do every month and I've always loved that concept. Out of the mud, you're stuck in the mud, you're stuck, you're struggling, you're stuck, you're at a level and you can't seem to fucking get to that next level. I love that concept and they did the topic on the skills you need to have a successful relationship, and it was based on intimate relationships. But it wasn't just that, it was also friendships, business partnerships, all relationships, and I last night tested myself. I wanted to see if I could guess the five skills that they talked about. I got like three out of the five and one of them was taking ownership.

Alan Lazaros:

If you don't have the skill of the ability to take ownership in an intimate relationship, you're basically always going to be pointing fingers at the other person and you're not going to be able to change. Because if I blame Emilia for X, y, z and I don't take any ownership for my part in it, I have no power to change anything. And if you want to change someone's life, you have to change anyone out there who wants to get to the next level All of us, myself included. If we want to change our life, we have to change what we say, think, do, feel or believe. You have to change something, and every coaching call I do is never oh, you're in perfect alignment, you're good, take care.

Alan Lazaros:

That's not what coaching is. Coaching is talk to me, catch me up, how's it going? Coaching is let's identify the bottlenecks, the obstacles, the struggles, the frustrations for why you're not winning at the level you want to win at, and once we identify the obstacles, now we create a strategy to overcome them, either internally or externally. And so what's a good, tangible example of this? Well, I asked you, before we hit record what is our belief? Okay, so that belief, that philosophy or philosophy is just a more esoteric belief, that philosophy is I'm in perfect alignment at perfect time, or what is it? You're?

Kevin Palmieri:

exactly where you're meant to be is the quote, I guess.

Alan Lazaros:

And I asked Kev off air what is our belief and your belief? You said was I am where I'm meant to be based on the responsibility I've taken to date.

Kevin Palmieri:

Essentially, the reason you are where you are today is based on your choices, awareness, actions and habits.

Kevin Palmieri:

That I mean that's If I do something dumb today, that will come back to bite me in the ass at some point.

Kevin Palmieri:

The other one that really jumps off the page for me is everything's going to be all right Now. If you're having the worst day of your life and you assume everything is going to crash and burn, I understand why that's powerful and I understand why that's valuable, because most likely it's not going to keep trending the way it's trending. Why that's powerful and I understand why that's valuable, because most likely it's not going to keep trending the way it's trending. But I think it suggests that you don't have to change anything and you can get to the next level, and that's just not the way it works. I just and you don't get to see behind the scenes of the people who say this to you, and that's the part that makes it so hard. I know so many people who have that thought and have that belief of yeah, it's all going to work out and it's all going to be fine. It's not going to, and their life is going to look essentially the same for the next 50 years.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, now you might give it all you have and still not be that successful that's what I'm saying that's now it's older people either are honest with you about that or they ego up and pretend that they all meant for it. Look, I mean, how many people actually achieve their dreams, right?

Kevin Palmieri:

almost nobody, yeah statistically it's three percent. Yeah, that's a very, that's a very, very small amount it's very.

Alan Lazaros:

Not because everyone's in perfect alignment at the perfect time no, it's not.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's not. That's the truth that I wish. I don't know. I think I've always had this to a degree, because I for most of my life. It didn't work out 2016,.

Alan Lazaros:

You had a Facebook Live that I watched. It was based on BEFD.

Kevin Palmieri:

Better Every Fucking Day. This is way back, man, that's almost 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

And you did a video on do you deserve to be happy and you. Your thesis was you deserve what you work. You deserve what you work for and I still, happiness is earned.

Kevin Palmieri:

I still, I still am of that philosophy, I'm still of that mindset. I think these thoughts can be supplemental. They cannot be the main course, and all I mean by that is, if I have a terrible day, we lose a big client, we've lost big clients before I need to tell myself it's all, it's going to be okay. Not just, don't worry about it, don't think about it, don't learn from it, don't take lessons. Just forget about it. Don't even don't care. Not that, just Kev. I know right now it feels like the world is crumbling. It's going to be okay, get up and get after it tomorrow.

Kevin Palmieri:

That maybe, maybe you just went through a really bad breakup and the first thing you want to think to yourself is well, I am, the right thing is happening to me at the right time, or this is exactly where I'm meant to be. I understand why you might want to think that, but don't not take the lessons. If you take that mindset and you don't take any of the lessons, that you're going to be thinking the same thing next time. This happens, and it's going to be because you didn't learn the lesson from the first time. The problems that repeat over and over and over and over again are based on lessons that we just haven't learned yet. Go ahead, no, no, I'm going off. I'm just going off. I love it.

Alan Lazaros:

I've never shared this on the show and I hope Kev's cool with it, but let me ask you this. So, statistically speaking and again I'm going to preface this with this is going to be somewhat tooting our own horn, but I'm doing it because I think it's very important to understand the mindset that we had is what actually allowed us to do this. Statistically speaking, how many people do you think had our childhoods that end up really successful?

Kevin Palmieri:

Here's the interesting thing, probably higher than I think, because I was reading. What book was I reading? I was reading a book and it was talked. It talked about how so many successful people had the loss of a parent very young.

Alan Lazaros:

The CEO of IBM, ninth CEO. I just watched a YouTube video. This morning we did our mobility learning this morning Day one baby of the streak.

Kevin Palmieri:

If you listened to yesterday's episode.

Alan Lazaros:

What'd you say?

Kevin Palmieri:

The streak has begun. The streak has begun. I have it on the whiteboard, mr Mobility, mr.

Alan Lazaros:

Mobility and learning, but she got abandoned as a child as well. But here's the thing that there's a survival bias in that. I know it goes. Statistically speaking, there's something called an ACE score adverse childhood experiences and, statistically speaking, there's something called an ACE score Adverse Childhood Experiences and, statistically speaking, the majority of people who have really really bad childhoods or challenging childhoods statistically face mortality very young.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think I even have a relatively good guess, because I don't think my childhood was that bad To this day. I don't think it was that bad all things considered.

Alan Lazaros:

No, father, lower class. Yeah yeah, first in your entire extended family to ever go to college or be educated.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay, you didn't go to college. That's my bad.

Alan Lazaros:

But let me I'll share, because I have researched all this, the chances of Kevin and I being successful when we were born, where we were born, and the situations we were born into me more than him was near zero and the reason why I think we ended up successful and fulfilled and obviously we're still at the very beginning, so I'm not playing from a place of arriving. We are still striving, we are still in the game, we are still in the fight. This is not some pedestal.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, but one the things that I had come up for me during this episode, when you said that the mindset is you, you are exactly where you've earned being. If you didn't think that way, you and I would never work together. Dude, that is a core. One thing about kev is he just. He's not delusional about what he should have. There's no like. I should totally be more successful. It's how the fuck do we do this? That's the behind the scenes is always hey, back to the drawing board. Where do we suck?

Kevin Palmieri:

where can we get better? Because when you think, when you have that thought, it's so easy to fall down rabbit holes. I've told you before alan's recommended me certain books and I'm like, dude, I can't, I can't listen to this book. It's fucking with me Like the yeah, the suggestion to do lesson. I can't do it. And that's not why Alan sent it to me. He's like can you like see through that? No, I can't, I'm not in, I don't want to read the four hour work week.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't want to read books. Fuck with me, I'm not interested.

Alan Lazaros:

you lose your underdog it's you lose your underdog and I can't either. I'm with you there. Certain books have really fucked me up, honestly. Yeah, I don't want it. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't want it. I want to take this episode. Go ahead, hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener, thank you, as always, for listening to next level university real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was going to say one time I was talking to one of my one of my buddies and he was struggling with weight loss and I made him a plan and I helped him figure out his macros and his calories and all this stuff. And he's like, yeah, I just don't want to track calories and macros. And I was like, dude, you've tried everything else and nothing else has worked. Why do I have to track everything I eat to get the result I want? But you don't have to like what? Why? And this wasn't because he had a negative relationship with tracking calories and macros, that wasn't it. He just didn't want to do it.

Alan Lazaros:

He was entitled, I, I, he was inwardly arrogant a little bit in that moment I, I agree, and I was so frustrated not tracking calories is fucking arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri:

I stopped I haven't been tracking as much as I need to.

Alan Lazaros:

It's arrogant, of course it is we're going to.

Kevin Palmieri:

We'll talk about something at the end here that's going to help us and hopefully you, if you're on a fitness journey out there. But I just remember that it's like that's not. It's like somebody telling you this is, I can help you get exactly to the goal that you want to get to, and then you saying no, no, I don't want to do it. Well then, do you really want the goal? Because everything else you've tried hasn't worked.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, you got to give up the goal then.

Kevin Palmieri:

So what are we doing here? I always used to say you cannot want a goal and not everything that comes with achieving it, and Kev said no, no, no, you can want it. You just can't stop you from taking external action. If I said to myself that my relationship is exactly where it's supposed to be, from a place of empowerment, of like well, you don't really need to change anything. This is exactly where it's supposed to be. No, it is where it is because of my shortcomings and my wife's shortcomings. That's where. That's why it's not quote unquote better. That's why we don't make more money. That's why I I'm not in better shape. It is not McDonald's fault. I got some burrito tacos last night. Oh my God, they were world class. It's not Bubba Koo burritos fault. I went and I picked it up. It was, it was world class.

Kevin Palmieri:

But anytime we blame external things, we also to Alan's point we abandon the opportunity to take ownership and then learn from them, and I just don't want anybody to do that. If you're having the worst day ever, honestly, it is going to be okay. It's going to get better, as long as you take the lessons from it. If right now, you feel like you can't accomplish anything. That's not true. That's not true. We're stuck in it, that's just. We're just stuck in the mud. We got to get out of the mud with that. And it can also be empowering to have the belief that what you have accomplished is based on what you have earned, and I think that's okay.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't think it's a bad thing Circa 2018, I'm in the Subaru WRX, kevin's driving. We're heading to the gym. Big workout, big workout. And he turns to me. He says I went on, I hung out with this girl Her name's Taryn and it went really well. I really enjoyed it and, and I don't know man, we had a couple dates and I told her I'm not ready for anything serious. You think I fucked that up? And I turned to him and I said, yep I wasn't ready, though it's I know.

Alan Lazaros:

I know we're gonna talk about it I said, yeah, it looks like you closed the door too quick on that one. And then, two years later, when you were ready, you reached back out and now she's your wife, which I think is really cool. But my point of this is when, when your ex left you and said I'm out, you bastard, I'm joking she didn't say that um, but said I'm out it, and you just told yourself a story. Ah, she's crazy. Ah she's crazy. If you had just rested on that. Okay, change nothing, then right, and then you're gonna bring you to the next fucking relationship and nothing's gonna get better that.

Kevin Palmieri:

I believe that is how a toxic man is built. That is how a toxic man is built. Something happens, they blame everybody else and then it's like then you just, you are just diverting from any path of growth yeah, I would just say that, forever responsibility yeah, I would have just said that forever.

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh yeah, she was crazy. Blah, blah. It's like no, that's not the truth. It did. Did every decision she ever made make perfect sense to me? No, that's also not the truth, and I had a massive part in why the relationship didn't succeed. And if nothing came from that, the same thing would have happened and I would have blamed the person. I would have blamed the person. I would have blamed the person.

Alan Lazaros:

We've had clients in the past. Do you think the failure of the relationship was you?

Kevin Palmieri:

uh 80, whoa 80. We've had clients that are just a giant pain in the ass, and I'll get to. We fired a client one time. I said look, we can't work with you, we can't, I can't, we can't do this. When they left, I sent a message to the team and I said we are not the problem here. Can we learn from this? Absolutely their last team they complained about. They complained about everything that we did. They're going to go find a new team. They're going to complain about them as well. They're the problem. Yeah, everywhere they go, drama follows. Why? Because they never take ownership. That's on them. I literally messaged a client today. His name's Henry. I said happy Henry equals happy Kevin. Tell me what's your feedback, let me fix whatever is not 100%. We're on it. And he laughed. He said happy Henry is happy Kevin. Ownership, ownership is it's. I don't know that's. I guess that's the next level lesson in this episode for me. We have a couple of minutes before we get a hop, I got a podcast.

Alan Lazaros:

I know, so I wanted to take this. So I told Kev a long time ago, shared this on the show. Maybe I did, but I have one verse. It's my favorite verse in any song, ever of all time. Do you know what? It is my favorite verse of any song yes, yes, yes, um is it.

Kevin Palmieri:

Airplanes part two yes what if marshall mathers never picked up a pen? Let's pretend things would have been different.

Alan Lazaros:

Uh wouldn't have been different, yeah yeah, I don't know the fuck I'm so I have it up, I'm gonna give it, because this is, I think, exactly this. I get the chills every time I listen, whenever I'm down and out and I'm struggling and I'm not I'm, I'm like how the fuck are we gonna do this? I go and I listen to this song. Emilia's heard me with this song. She knows I'm going through it. If I have this song on, let's pretend marshall mathers never picked up a pen, I'm not gonna wrap it, by the way you gotta wrap it.

Kevin Palmieri:

Let's's pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen. Let's pretend things would have been no different. Pretend he procrastinated, had no motivation. Pretend he made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind. Ah, that's all I know. Blow away with the wind. Yeah, I appreciate it, well done.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm gonna just read it. Let's pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen. Let's pretend things would have been no different. Pretend he procrastinated, had no motivation. Pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind. Marshall, you're never going to make. It Makes no sense to play the game. There ain't no way that you'll win Someone's fucking calling me. Pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends. Pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend and it wasn't time to move again and schools weren't changing again.

Alan Lazaros:

He wasn't socially awkward and just strange as a kid. He had a father and his mother wasn't crazy as shit and he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just was lazy as shit. Fuck a talent show in the gymnastics in the gymnasium. Bitch, you won't amount to shit. Daydreaming kid. You need to get your cranium checked. You're thinking like an alien. It just ain't realistic.

Alan Lazaros:

Now pretend they ain't just make him angry with this shit and there was no one he could even aim when he's pissed at and his alarm went off to wake him but he didn't make it to the rap. Olympics slept through his plane and he missed it. He's gone. Have a hard. He's gonna have a hard time explaining to hayley and laney these food stamps in this week, this wick shit wic, because he never risked shit. He hoped, he wished it, but it didn't fall in his lap, so he ain't even here. And at the end of the day, I'm not even necessarily a huge m&m fan, but that verse is it might as well be. I could have been nothing, but I took responsibility to become something and it just fucking speaks to me at the deepest level and I get the chills every time I listen to it and he raps it far better than I fucking read it but let's say a little bit, yeah, a little slight, little bit.

Kevin Palmieri:

Better slightly. I'm not to listen. I've never actually read it before. Well, it's hard to read raps because if you don't read them right, it doesn't make any sense as you can tell I've never read it before.

Alan Lazaros:

But that's what this episode's about is. It's not just going to work out. Your future is not just going to be bright. You have to make it bright. You have to and it's up to you. No one else cares. I wish they did, but when my stepdad left and I looked into the future, it was dark. It was no dad, no trust fund, no generational wealth. Like I have to do something about this because no one's going to come save me.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, the way it's trending is not going to change unless you change it. It's just, and even if it's trending up right now, with age things don't trend up like they used to, that's for sure money money can, that's one that can if you do it right. But health and and all that fitness does not fitness does not all right, cool if you are ready to level up your fitness.

Kevin Palmieri:

We are doing what we tend to. I guess this is like an annual thing. Now, unfortunately, we're doing the 10 pound in 10 week challenge. Slash 12 pound in 12 week, but are we doing 10 weeks? Is that what we're saying?

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, 10 weeks, 70 days. Okay, may 29th. So I put this in the Next Level Fitness group. If you want in to the Next Level Fitness accountability group we have right now we have 36 members in there. It's on fire. Right now we have 36 members in there, it's on fire.

Alan Lazaros:

It is on fire. We wanted to put the WhatsApp link but then we got a bunch of spam. So just DM Kevin or myself on Instagram. You can email us. Dm us, all of our links are in the show notes, all of our social media. So this is what I put in there today.

Alan Lazaros:

I said to Kevin's earlier comment, today we're officially announcing another 10-pound and 10-week challenge. I'm 200 pounds right now and my goal weight is 10 weeks, 70 days from now, is 190 pounds. That said, you can all join us or not. Totally your call. And Kevin is joining me but not doing the full 10 pounds because he's already 15 pounds down or something. Excited for this next level fitness squad. Let's become the most athletic version of ourselves. Emilia is 170, getting to 160. I'm 200, going to 190. Bianca is 153. She's at 142 now going for 138. Kev's 175 now going to 170. So at the end of the day, just message Kevin or myself and let us know if you want in on the fitness challenge and we're just going to hold each other accountable. And 10 pounds in 10 weeks is May 29th.

Kevin Palmieri:

Not May 29th. Oh yeah, july. July pounds. In 10 weeks is may 29th and the reason not may 29th? Oh yeah, july july 29th.

Alan Lazaros:

Is it july 29th?

Kevin Palmieri:

I think, so we gotta probably figure that out. Huh, I'm on it, that's my it's now may, it's. May 29th is at the time of recording this, so that would only be eight weeks.

Alan Lazaros:

I did it in chat gpt earlier. Okay, end end date. So start date is today, which is 29th, the 29th of technically if you're listening to this, it's the 30th, the 30th yeah, but it started on may 29th, yeah, yeah, and it ends on july 29th. I screwed this up earlier. It's it ends in 70 days from today okay, do we know?

Kevin Palmieri:

I feel like we kind of we need to know the date.

Alan Lazaros:

You know, august 7th okay, it's august 7th it says 70 days from today, may 29th 2025, will be august 7th 2025. I put in the wrong, I put in the wrong one, all right, august 7th 2025, august thursday all right, cool, I'm gonna have to do it faster.

Kevin Palmieri:

then I have a bachelor party I have to be at at the end of July and I have to be in the best shape out of anybody there. Alan's not listening.

Alan Lazaros:

I am. I'm fixing my mistake.

Kevin Palmieri:

He procrastinated, had a new. Oh God, I fucked it up again. All right, Anything else you want to add before?

Alan Lazaros:

we go. That's it. It was a great episode, man, strong work. Thank you everybody for joining us on this amazing and ridiculously challenging growth journey.

Kevin Palmieri:

No better thing to do, though I agree, I mean what's the old title? Yeah, burrito Tacos and 10 Minutes of the Dark Night were great, great Wednesday night for me, so I guess we'll see All right as more great great Wednesday night for me, so I guess we'll see All right as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and NLU. We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow Keep it next level.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next level nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank, you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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