Next Level University

Is Your Identity Holding You Back? (2097)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Identity silently shapes success. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan explore how identity shapes your habits, decisions, and success. From being labeled “the nerd” or “the athlete” to becoming business owners, they break down the hidden beliefs that either limit or empower us. You’ll hear stories about mindset shifts, daily habits, and why staying humble matters just as much as staying hungry. Whether you're stuck or leveling up, this episode will help you rethink who you really are and who you want to become.

Learn more about:
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Book Club - https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJMkcuiupjIqE9QlkptiKDQykRtKyFB5Jbhc

Free 30-minute Business Breakthrough Session with Alan -
https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-free-breakthrough-session?month=2025-04
Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin -
https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:09) From loser to leader mindset
(4:54) Staying humble in success
(6:01) Do you see yourself as a business owner?
(8:49) Identity isn’t always accurate
(10:00) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(12:07) Habits shape your self-image
(14:15) Brand choices reflect identity
(18:06) Identity is a feedback loop
(20:30) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

Back to fundamentals today. We used to talk about identity a lot and I think for a long time we just kind of we didn't forget about it, but we didn't treat it as the level of value that it actually is and, honestly, one of the things that might be holding you back or propelling you forward more than anything else is your identity.

Alan Lazaros:

In high school I was the nerd or the quote-unquote smart kid, so I did whatever I could to leverage that identity, stay in that identity, prove myself in that identity. Kevin was the athlete and he did the same.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Today, for episode number 2097, is your identity holding you back? Real quick apologies that yesterday's episode did not drop on time. That was on me. Google drive is out here messing up my life, I swear to you. I uploaded the episodes. For some reason they didn't get uploaded. Team messaged me this morning. A bunch of people messaged me on social media hey, where's the episode you guys missed? No, we did not miss. It will be late, but it was late. But we did the episode, I promise.

Alan Lazaros:

One of my clients shout out to you, cole. He said he reached out and said hey, just so you know.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, cole reached out to me as well, out to me as well. Talk about accountability. I love it. Oh, that's, it's beautiful. I appreciate it, but yes, I promise we didn't miss the episode. Just didn't get uploaded to g drive for some reason.

Alan Lazaros:

Real quick for the team yes, I know that you have a story about why we're doing this episode I do. One of the things that came up for me when we were planning on doing this episode was at one point, you believed you were a loser.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, yeah, and we can laugh about it now because you're not Kev playfully behind the scenes. When I first logged on he said I need you to humble me a little bit Because we're getting some big W's clients, all this kind of stuff. Question for you what is it like to shift from that identity of I thought I was going to be an unsuccessful loser gas station attendant townie, to now I'm getting more clients than I can handle.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think I have. Yeah, I don't think I have, and I think that's the reason I'm quote unquote, winning, because I still have the same. I don't it's not an internal identity that I have, but I still kind of treat it the same of. There was a question in next level nation. I don't remember the exact question, but it was something along the lines of how do you, how do you talk to yourself when things are going really well or things are going terribly, whatever. Whatever it was, and I said, right now we have a ton of momentum, but I have to remind myself that it does not take that much for that momentum to stop.

Alan Lazaros:

Oh yeah, It'll go down faster than it went. Off the second you, take the second you cool.

Kevin Palmieri:

You're watering a plant, you plant a seed and that seed it's, it's. It's really hard for it to break through the seed and then to blossom. And okay, you're watering it and you're putting sun on it. You're watering it, boom, boom, boom, and then it's just crushing biggest plant that's ever been. You stop taking care of that thing, it's gonna die, it's gonna die. So that's kind of how I'm trying to think of it love it, the, the.

Alan Lazaros:

I want to share this because I want our listeners to come with us on this journey. I don't want to. We're strivers, not arrivers. And uh, kevin and I have had some really big ups and downs on this business journey and we're talking about success here. So success journey and Kevin has bombed and lost some, some very large clients and several yeah, several and lately a client literally verbatim keep it anonymous said we'd like you to do this for us. We're going to give you an extra thousand a month, and is that enough? We want to make sure you're paying. We're paying you enough? Is that gonna be enough? And to have a client wanting to pay you more, having spent years basically being rejected, it's a very different game. So I just wanted to ask you what that's like on the other side.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's an important piece of the identity is I'm I'm trying to earn it all and the identity of I need to remain humble in success as much as I remain hungry when I'm not successful. I think that's just super important. I think that's why a lot of us end up losing later on, because you it would be really easy. As things get better and lifestyle improves, it's really easy to adopt the identity of I am somebody who has a really good lifestyle, and then you start acting like that as abundance improves. It's really easy to allow that to attach to your identity as I am the type of person who is abundant. Yes, and the reason you got abundance is because you played scarce, and that's a really hard duality to hold. At the same time, the reason this episode even came up is our last session that we did for group coaching. We were talking about business and Alan was doing his thing.

Alan Lazaros:

Bidness.

Kevin Palmieri:

Alan was doing his thing and I said hey, can I interrupt you really quick? I just want to ask a question. I haven't seen the presentation, I don't know if you're going to ask this question Absolutely not. On a scale of zero to 10, for all of you in here, how much do you identify as a business owner? Because if we're talking about turning your podcast into a business and you do not identify at all as a business owner, one, you might say this isn't for me, you might not retain the information, you might sabotage yourself.

Alan Lazaros:

That is dictating so much of the potential success you might not retain the information that's such a good point, because it doesn't apply to you exactly right yeah, your reticular activating system, the part of your brain that filters out things, is going to say, oh, not for me, he's not talking to me, so I might as well not have to learn this.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I can tune out. You ever seen a thing like if you had a cell phone from the year 2007 to 2014, you might be due $15,000. It's literally just saying if you are this type of person, then this is for you. If you're not, you politely do your thing.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, the ultimate filtration system is your name. When I say Kevin, he's like, ah, I should listen. Yes, especially if you say it in a certain tone, like his mother did. What did she say when she really wanted to?

Kevin Palmieri:

do it, kevin Edward, kevin Edward, kevin Edward.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, that's how you knew A little side thing that came up for me. I was on a podcast yesterday from a man from Nigeria and he asked me. He said something along the lines of what is something that is misunderstood about you, and I'll tie this to identity. I said it's really weird for me at this stage in my life to be seen as a silver spooner, because when people first meet me, I've got the awards in the background, I've got the nice camera, my hair is done, I have this nice, you know, collared shirt and we're perceived as very successful now, which is much better than the alternative. And we are. But I said I look like someone who started on third base and I couldn't even see the ballpark, and it's very weird for people to presuppose that you had everything handed to you when you kind of lost everything growing up. And I said but the truth of the matter is I'm always looking at some advantages. I had some advantages, really big ones. I was born in a country that had no child left behind, equal opportunity, I got to go to college, financial aid and scholarships. I was born in the largest economy on planet earth, the United States right Free country capitalism, and I also feel gifted, even though you're not allowed to say that I do feel gifted in terms of my intelligence. And so take those three away and things would not have worked out for me. I can promise you that Almost didn't, anyway, you know.

Alan Lazaros:

But but the identity piece here, what do you believe about yourself? And, and all I've come to really care about is number one, your potential. But I don't think anyone can reach their potential unless they're accurate in their identity. So I used to say I'm bad at English, I'm good at math. Neither one Math was true. I wasn't actually bad at English, I thought that I was, just because I wasn't as good at math. And I also went to special reading class in third grade. They had to take me out of the classroom to help teach me how to read. Apparently that was because my, my sister, my older sister, would like answer every question, so I didn't learn how to speak right away or something. Uh, maybe I was a little kid just calculating shit, right.

Alan Lazaros:

But ultimately these identities are, are horseshit. They're, they're not, especially the ones you. You get from the outside. So the feedback that you get from other people is almost never the whole truth. How do I explain this. What you say, think, do, feel and believe determines your identity. What you believe about yourself dictates what you say think, do and feel and believe. So it's a feedback loop. So what's a good example? It's a feedback loop. So what's a good example?

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello, nlu listener, thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, I'll give you an example. I have a client who went on a date and the guy was kind of treating her like shit, kind of treating her like she's not of value, and I said two things are going to happen, three things, but we'll use two for the point of this. Every time you go this person's a very high value woman every time you go on a date, the man is either going to treat you like you ain't shit, so that you don't know your value, so he can hoodwink you, or he's gonna like overly inflate and like Say oh my god, you're the to try to also influence you. Usually we all overdo it or underdo it when we're triggered and when we're around someone who is of value, and that's actually really sucky. And I'm by no means famous, so don't take this the wrong way.

Alan Lazaros:

But I do understand now what famous people used to say about how I wish people could just be regular around me, because when you become someone of value or whatever and I used to be sort of prepubescent, small, overlooked, insignificant Now it's very different when I walk in a room and I'm grateful for that, but everyone inflates or deflates. Very few people can stay centered in that and there's energy and power and all this kind of stuff and influence leadership. But ultimately, the point that I'm making is this person if she was going off of external feedback to determine her truth am I attractive or am I not? Am I smart or am I not? Am I athletic or am I not? It all depends on what you're comparing to, and none of us have all the data, so you don't know where you fall on the bell curve. You thought you weren't smart. Now I know you don't think that anymore, right, and so none of us are accurate about ourself, and I hope that that is what people take away.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's a really good intention for the takeaway, for sure, and I think this is why action is so important. Because I don't know, yeah, you can work on rebuilding your identity internally and mindset that's a big piece of it, right but I think the best way to rebuild your identity, or build your identity in the direction you want it to go, is action. Because when you somebody asked me the other day they said why is consistency so important? And I get asked that question a lot, but it was from a different place and I I said because eventually you start to identify as your habits.

Alan Lazaros:

You, if you smoke cigarettes, you identify as a smoker eventually eventually I've ripped a few darts myself when I was drinking and I did not identify as a smoker I didn't realize that cloves were darts, so I've ripped a few darts in my day as well. Back in the day I don't know you weren't cool if you didn't have a clove.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I don't understand what was the appeal. Yeah, it was dumb For a summer. I just decided to smoke cloves.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, it was big in our small town. Yeah, it was weird Little cloves. But if you say Somebody asked me recently they you smoke weed, I said no, I don't smoke weed, I don't smoke weed, I like edibles. Edibles are nice, but no, I'm not a smoker. Boom, uh. Somebody asked the the other day about drinking and I said I'm not a big drinker. I like, I like a whiskey every once in a while. But like I'm talking, maybe once a month, I maybe drank once a month occasionally. The kid will get I'll go off the rails once in a while, I'm good for one.

Alan Lazaros:

But. But no, I'm not a big drinker. Just 12 twisted teas every now and then.

Kevin Palmieri:

But I'm not a big drinker. For a long time, my identity was I'm not somebody who can save money. Now my identity is I stopped and I got a coffee today and I was like do I, should I do it? Well, I could order energy drinks online. Well, that would be like two bucks per, and this is going to be like five bucks. I'm wasting three bucks. And I was like, ah, fuck it, I'm going to do it today, let me treat myself a little bit. But even that dialogue I'd never had that before. What?

Kevin Palmieri:

was it before Coffee. Yes, I'm driving by. I Coffee yes, that's a coffee. I'm driving by. I might as well swing in.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm already on my way. Dunks or Starbucks, remember, that's an identity thing too. That's an identity thing, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, dunkin' Donuts is for hardworking blue collar. And again, this is what they want you to think.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm not saying this is the way it is. They have been slowly programming you.

Kevin Palmieri:

Starbucks' white collar.

Alan Lazaros:

America runs on. What Dunkin' baby, Of course, and that's. It's like a what's Starbucks' slogan? I don't even know Starbucks.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't know if they have one Overpriced coffee For everyone. Yeah, we're too good for you.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, we're too good for you, unless you spend $9 on our coffee.

Kevin Palmieri:

But that's all identity. If you feel stuck in some way, shape or form, what do you?

Alan Lazaros:

got you first, you first I got a story. It's totally relevant.

Kevin Palmieri:

We got five minutes. I got a podcast pre-call. If you feel stuck in any way, shape or form, I would check in on what pieces of your identity are keeping you stuck, because that is where you can start easily.

Alan Lazaros:

I've never told this story before.

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh boy.

Alan Lazaros:

It's about identity and branding and all that kind of stuff. And that's what branding is, by the way, everybody Identity. If you identify as someone who's creative, you most likely have Apple instead of Microsoft. If you're an engineer, it's mostly Microsoft. Okay, so at the end of the day, just like next level, your identity.

Kevin Palmieri:

Are you next?

Alan Lazaros:

level, next level, you. Next level pun intended next level, you. The next level matters more than the current level. Your future is brighter than your past. Like this, these are belief systems, right? So anyways, uh, I don't know why, but somehow some way. Oh, I think my, my grandma, my mom and pop-up got, emily and I, a starbucks gift card for 25 bucks for christmas this was like a couple years ago and we went. Remember we did indoor skydiving, it was whatever it was. It was kind of cool, I guess but giant waste of money.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, it's drastically, it's a lot of it wasn't great.

Alan Lazaros:

I never even posted anything about it. Doesn't matter, I have the video. Uh, more challenging than you'd think, though, for sure, yeah. Anyways, we went to starbucks bookstore. I love it bookstore, starbucks, little coffee date and I don't normally go into starbucks, but Barnes Noble has them in there, not allowed to use the gift card. Go across the street, boom, $25. I came out with nothing. Yeah, you get very little, you get no. I remember thinking $25, we gotta buy some shit. We had three items that's expensive. Yeah, it was terrible. I had like a Little Sammy and a Little Brownie. Dude, I don't know this was $5.64.

Kevin Palmieri:

Large. This was $5.64. Large iced coffee.

Alan Lazaros:

Nothing special. I go into Starbucks. I'm like shit, we got to spend some money. We got $25. Right, we got to get some stuff. We had no food. I couldn't even get a lunch.

Kevin Palmieri:

I believe it.

Alan Lazaros:

It was brutal. Yeah, it's expensive. I don't frequent Starbucks. For anyone who frequents Starbucks, that's obvious to you. For me, I was like are you?

Kevin Palmieri:

fucking kidding me. What are the margins on this thing?

Alan Lazaros:

I do like it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I do like it. The food is at least reasonable and their coffee is better for sure, at least for me, I enjoy it. This is a smaller. Where I get it from is a smaller place, but yeah, it's $5. You want?

Alan Lazaros:

to get a latte. It's better than a pan per bean, I know no-transcript. Working on it other than self-belief, one of the most important I would say last thing. I know you gotta jump yes, I do what do?

Alan Lazaros:

what do you identify as? Do you identify as an athlete? Do you identify? I remember I asked ke Kevin if he identifies as an achiever and he said no. I said well, it's going to be harder to achieve if you don't identify as an achiever Makes sense. And so what you believe about you, don't let the world dictate that, don't let other people put you in a box. Choose the identity that you want to hold, because identity leads to what you say, think, do feel and believe, and what you say, think, do feel and believe refeeds back into your identity. Every action you take is a vote for the identity you want to hold. And also be careful of delusion, too, because I know some people that are really not attractive, that think they're amazing and super attractive, and I know some people who are really attractive, who think they're ugly as hell, and neither one is effective, because you're basically you're making decisions based on false data.

Kevin Palmieri:

Boom, all right. Next elimination If you want to level up your identity and make sure it's not holding you back and you want to be somebody who identifies as more consistent, we have the next level dreamliner. Five minutes a day, you can do your journaling. You can write your most important win, most important improvement, top three gratitudes what are you going to get done today? All of that happy jazz. It's on Amazon. We'll have the link in the show notes. But a really easy way to practice consistency and feel more consistent in your identity Book Club.

Alan Lazaros:

Every Saturday we have a new book in Next Level Nation. The link to Next Level Nation will be in the show notes. In Next Level Nation there's a poll that is pinned to the top. We have three different books on there Willpower, the One Thing and Upstream. Those are the three books. Check it out, research them, tell me which one you want to do Every Saturday, 12.30 pm, eastern Standard Time a full hour, totally free. In Brandon's words he says I don't know why more people don't go to book club, although we have had a lot lately. I'm very grateful, like 14 people, and there's a lot of awesome people in there. Brandon's words was I don't know why more people don't go. It basically is free coaching.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, it makes sense, because sometimes coaching you know a little. Sometimes coaching is a pain in the butt. Fair, that's all I understand. But vote for Upstream. Super important. Vote for Upstream. It's a great book, nice, I'm not biased at all, but vote for Upstream. And, yes, go to Book Club, it's free. It's free Next level books with next level people.

Alan Lazaros:

It'll change your life. It'll change your life, your future will be brighter. I promise you that that is a fact.

Kevin Palmieri:

And you shift. That was a bit of an identity shift for me, All right cool as always.

Alan Lazaros:

We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow, keep it.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next Level, next Level Nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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