Next Level University

The Issue Isn’t Your Willpower (2107)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore why discipline slips through our fingers and why the problem isn’t willpower, but overwhelm. Through brain science and simple daily shifts, they reveal how to rise above the noise, reclaim your focus, and follow through on what matters most. If your heart is tired of starting over, let this be your turning point.

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Show notes:
(2:05) Study reveals surprising willpower clue
(3:43) How your brain builds discipline
(5:26) Trick your brain with future rewards
(8:41) Willpower isn’t your problem
(10:05) Level up with NLU: Join our free virtual Monthly Meet-up event every first Thursday for powerful insights, real tools, and unstoppable growth. https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/K_0bBGWuTfKcnTh5B0pvBg#/registration
(12:03) Why hard things are good
(17:04) Three ways to build willpower
(20:34) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri:

Have you ever said oh, I just don't have the willpower, I just don't have the discipline? What if you're not correct about that and you are overwhelming yourself with too many things and too many priorities? And that's the actual issue.

Alan Lazaros:

Ever since I was a kid wow, ever since I was a kid, I was obsessed with math and science. We're reading a book called Willpower in Book Club, and the science of willpower is blowing our minds.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation today for episode number 2107,. The issue isn't your willpower. I had a moment recently, alan, where I connected the dots to the more overwhelming my to-do list becomes, the less I feel like I'm capable of accomplishing things on my to-do list, because I get overwhelmed with all of the things that need to get done. And I had that moment today where it was like all right, let me look at, this need to get done. And I had that moment today where it was like all right, let me look at this. And I think the other piece of it, too is most of it can't really get done right now. You know how. You have something but you have to send a message to someone to get a piece of information, to then do the thing to send it back to them. That's a whole nother thing. But yeah, you wanted to do this episode. I figured I'd open us with a story, but why are we doing this?

Alan Lazaros:

I was running earlier I called it a jaunt because it was more of a jog and I was listening to Prep for Book Club, which is right after this, and the first chapter of Willpower by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney is talking about how they did a study with college students during finals, and the college students that were doing the best on the tests, that were doing the best at studying for the tests, had dirty socks. That's not where you thought I was going to go. No, not at all. So what they found is that you only have a certain amount of willpower and if you're using it to study, you're inevitably going to let other things fall, and dirty socks is the metaphor for that. But there was another piece of the book that talked about I got a sunburn this weekend. I'm super itchy.

Alan Lazaros:

There's another part of the book that talks about this chapter how these kids that don't study well identify as I just don't have enough willpower, when in reality, the science shows you aren't getting enough sleep, you're spreading yourself too thin, you're overwhelmed, you're trying to do too many things well, which, if you listen to the last two episodes two episodes before this was about. What are you? What can you be top 1% at. If there's a hundred random people, you will be in the top If you really tried, if you tried over a long period of time, not just overnight. The second one is how do you actually do that, which we did eventually get to, and then this episode is about how do you do that? How do you actually improve mastery?

Alan Lazaros:

And a lot of people say I don't have discipline or I don't have willpower, when in reality it's something that you can grow. I'm going to butcher the name of this part of the brain. Emilia and I were listening to neuroscience, a neuroscience Ted talk earlier while doing mobility and there's a part of the brain the anterior something, something I'd have to look it up that gets larger when you do hard shit you don't want to do. And I said I was on with a client, we were looking it up, and I chat GPT didn't live and I said my sneaky goal in life is to get this as big as humanly possible.

Alan Lazaros:

And the neuroscience has shown that unless you can force yourself to do hard shit that you genuinely don't feel like doing, that willpower part of the brain, which I'm going to look up in a second, will not actually get bigger. And the people who have olympic athletes, stuff like that, they have a much bigger. This thing I'm going to look up. I'm going to look it up. As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to look it up, I'm just going to go back to the search that I did before.

Kevin Palmieri:

I had a moment this weekend where I was going to do something that I didn't want to do, yeah, and I was like, all right, I need to create 10 benefits in my head of what will happen after I do this thing. Nice, it worked really well. Yeah, that's far it works really well, and you'd be surprised how fast you can come up with 10 things, like one might be. I'm gonna get way better at it. Two, I'm gonna feel relief after I do it. Three this person's gonna really appreciate that I do it. Four, I'm gonna be able to check it off the list. Five, it'll free up something next week. Six, I'm gonna get myself ice cream because I do it. Seven, blah, blah, blah, and you can get ice cream if you want.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, don't fucking judge me is that one of the reasons? No, no, I can't.

Kevin Palmieri:

I can't have ice cream because it it goes against two out of it goes against everything. No, but I would understand if it was like I don't know, write your. You want to write your thesis and you don't want to do it? Yeah, get yourself a. Get yourself a pizza pie, get yourself an ice cream, whatever. Whatever feels right, do it. Dude, I'm looking through my chats. Yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

This is hilarious Bare deaths in 2025. Introduction to discrete math Change audacity sample rate. This is funny, oh man.

Kevin Palmieri:

You want to hear something crazy? Real quick, talk to me. Do you know? It's been 50 years since Jaws came out.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I saw that, isn't that?

Kevin Palmieri:

maybe the craziest thing of all time.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, it's wild. And also, if I were to watch that movie again, it would probably look terrible. Nope, is it still strong? It holds up. I'm telling you when was the last time you watched it?

Kevin Palmieri:

Two years ago.

Alan Lazaros:

I love that movie. These are my judgy eyes. Two years ago, it still holds up.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm telling you that movie will hold up forever.

Alan Lazaros:

It will never look bad, dude. I went and watched, I told you, the Indiana Jones films. It's like come on.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, here's the thing they always sucked, Dude. They always suck.

Alan Lazaros:

We're going to potentially lose listeners right now as a a kid, they were probably awesome, but yeah, but so wasn't a fucking page master, like that was a great book too you've never seen page master I don't know what you're talking about, straight up macaulay culkin you love him, man, one of the greatest.

Kevin Palmieri:

All in on home one of the greatest child actors of all time. He, he like, was good. He was good, great, world class. He did a great job, world class. He somehow, like, gets into a book world and it's the. That's why it's called the page master.

Alan Lazaros:

You'd love it seriously, is this another one of those oppenheimer things? No, I mean no, no, you'd love it. Okay, cool, yeah, I am gonna watch. Uh, one of my clients shout out to you, matt. He said I'm with kev, you gotta watch. It's a wonderful life, got it?

Kevin Palmieri:

yeah, the fact that you have it is you got to watch. It's a Wonderful Life Got to? Yeah. The fact that you have it is personally offensive to me. It's going to change your life. Is Emilio going to love it? Yes, nice it's going to change your life.

Alan Lazaros:

We watched a movie last night I know this is irrelevant, listeners we watched a movie last night called Devotion. It was awesome. You know the dude uh from twisters, glenn powell. He's crushing it, man, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's, he's good, he's real good, he's in it and it was awesome film. It was awesome again. I love film, so take that with a grain of salt. I just want to relax and I love the hero's journey. I love seeing someone overcome adversity and, you know it, it's awesome. I do.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm going to look this up, okay, you still haven't looked it up.

Kevin Palmieri:

I thought the whole time you were fucking looking it up.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, dude, I'm in my chat GPT, so we're talking about movies. I use chat GPT to find movies.

Kevin Palmieri:

Same. I have a GPT created that gives me movies based on my recommendation of what I want to eat. That's awesome. That's awesome that's awesome.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, what part of the brain that's?

Kevin Palmieri:

that's what I'm doing that's what I'm doing when I'm not texting you back.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah it's bigger, gets bigger, uh, as you develop.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's a little overcast and I want to watch the dark night. What should I get from? And I only have 1800 calories? What should I get?

Alan Lazaros:

Nice, okay, d, l, p, c, p, f, c. It's the front part of the brain, part of the prefrontal cortex. There it is Anterior cingulate cortex. Acc monitors conflict and helps regulate emotions and impulses off, often working in tandem with Dpfc. Which means what? Training your willpower through practices like meditation, goal tracking, goal tracking, nice, deliberate discomfort huh, that's, that's fire, and mindful pauses before action can physically strengthen these areas of your brain, ventromedial prefrontal cortex involved in valuation and reward-based decision making. So neuroplasticity. Last piece, with consistent use, like practicing self-discipline, resisting temptations or engaging to focus-based tasks, the DLPFC becomes more active and structurally strong over time. Dorso lateral prefrontal cortex. Dorso lateral prefrontal cortex, also known as DLPFC, found it. I don't know what any of that means. That is an accomplishment.

Kevin Palmieri:

Hell yes.

Alan Lazaros:

We did this. Yeah, Now I know that I do need to memorize that, though for sure, NLU listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes Dorso lateral prefrontal cortex Is it memorized? Say that five times fast.

Kevin Palmieri:

I can't say it one time fast.

Alan Lazaros:

Dorso lateral prefrontal cortex. Nice yeah. Dorso lateral prefrontal cortex, nice, yeah, dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. Okay. So the point of this episode?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, the issue isn't your willpower.

Alan Lazaros:

Exactly. Don't identify as someone who has low self-discipline. Instead, identify as someone who is going to build it. And here's the thing I don't care what you want to achieve in life, you cannot achieve shit without self-discipline. It takes discipline to go to bed on time. It takes discipline to wake up on time. It takes discipline.

Alan Lazaros:

The 21st century is a landmine of immediate gratification. You can get anything you want. You can spend money easier than ever before. Remember back in the day when you needed cash to spend money? Now you don't need shit. You just need a credit card that they will give you and you just need to go right past zero right into debt and then you're Jeffed. It has never been harder Amazoncom, click, click, boom. When I was in college, we studied the three click satisfaction that steve jobs created for apple. That has helped the world and hurt the world tremendously, because in three clicks any of us can get access to almost anything. How fucking wild is that? Super convenient but super dangerous if you don't have willpower. So if you're not getting good sleep and you haven't developed this part of the brain, you're in a lot of trouble. And I say that because I care.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's it's. I think the hard part is, almost all of the things that are best for you are the things that you don't want to do. That's kind of I don't want to go to bed early. I want to stay up and ride the lightning. Always, it takes discipline to go to bed on time. It takes discipline. I think it takes more discipline, for me at least, to go to bed on time than it is to get up early, because I like getting up early. I don't like going to bed early at all at all. What has helped me with with discipline is stat. So right now I'm hyper focused on saving money and I'm dieting.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's way easier for me not to order food because it literally goes against two of the boxes I'm trying to check. Every day I'm waiting. I don't know. I want a burrito. There's a place that I have been frequenting not frequent as much as I'd like to, but they have amazing burritos. They have amazing burritos. I already know how many calories it is. I know what I can get. It's like 12 bucks Awesome. I go pick it up. It only costs 12 bucks Great, but it's 12 bucks and I don't know when I get on the scale tomorrow I'm going to be holding extra water because of the sodium. Is that going to you know? Is that going to throw my graph off? There's just a lot of necessity to not do the thing, and that's been helpful for me at least when it comes to being more disciplined eight years ago when I met you I know we gotta jump soon you had much less willpower than you do now is that fair, much less.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, okay, what number one? And again, I know you're afraid of bragging, but I'm asking you.

Kevin Palmieri:

I am the fucking man.

Alan Lazaros:

All right, he's not that afraid of bragging. How big do you think your dorsolateral prefrontal cortex would be? Zero to 10? Compared to the statistical norm, 10 is the highest and zero is the lowest. Eight and then number Okay, nice. And then it's higher than that. And then number Okay, nice, and then, ah, it's higher than that. I don't know For sure who you can look this up right now. How many people work out six times a week?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, but I'm thinking like tens are like high-level athletes, like high-level military personnel, and eight times 20 people in a random hundred.

Alan Lazaros:

This is the thing. Okay, if I take 100 people, you're 9.5 9.5, so that means five people are more disciplined than you possibly. In a random sample of I'm open to the.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm open to the possibility okay, yeah, look at you, that's interesting. I'm open to the possibility. I'm open to, I'm open to the possibility. Who you like? A politician? I'm open to that, I'm open. I'm open to the possibility, I'm open. I'm open to the possibility. I mean, look who knows. Second question what do you think your life would have been if you never developed this Awesome Fair? Okay, I would.

Kevin Palmieri:

No, it would not be awesome. That is 1000% a joke. I would probably have so many things that I was resentful that I didn't accomplish because I didn't have the discipline to do it.

Alan Lazaros:

There's so many, so all of the things, that discipline was buildable, or did you think it?

Kevin Palmieri:

was fixed. I don't think I believed it was buildable until I did my first bodybuilding show, because I was the most disciplined person I've ever been. Up to that point Again, like when I I I ate the same meals. I never. I cheated once on my diet and I told my coach, but I would. If I had an extra kernel of rice, I would take it out. The scale had to say exactly what I was supposed to be eating. I was obsessed. That's awesome. I was obsessed. I cooked salmon on a hot plate in a hotel room and I blew out the power to the whole fucking hotel. You're a ridiculous person.

Kevin Palmieri:

Because, I was cranking it, I was I gotta cook this salmon baby Blew out. I wasn't to the whole hotel, it was to the whole wing of that hotel and I was like, oh, my goodness, what have I done? But you just blew the circuit breaker. I blew the circuit breaker. Yeah, I was so disciplined, so disciplined, but that's because there was like there was a date and there was potential for embarrassment and there was-.

Alan Lazaros:

And a coach.

Kevin Palmieri:

accountability and a coach and I don't want to let people down, I don't want to let myself down, I want to get embarrassed.

Alan Lazaros:

There were so many, so many pieces that helped me with it, and your Snapchat followers obviously needed to see your shirtless yeah of course, of course.

Kevin Palmieri:

Look, that was a big thing, that was, you know. I think if anything we've realized that that definitely helped with our success early on is we were both in really good shape yeah, for sure that doesn't, that doesn't hurt.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, we were obviously walking our talk, we weren't just talking. That's one thing. That that's one of the reasons I love fitness so much is it shows that we're actually walking our talk. We're not talking about willpower and then eating Cheetos on the couch.

Kevin Palmieri:

Look, I mean, I'm not against eating Cheetos on the couch. We're not talking about willpower and then saying I don't feel like doing it. I woke up today and I was like I do not want to do two episodes today, 100% I do not want to do it, but I'm so glad we did.

Alan Lazaros:

Always.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, always.

Alan Lazaros:

That always comes after, though.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, it does.

Alan Lazaros:

That's my next level lesson is you can build discipline. You can build willpower. Don't identify as someone who doesn't have willpower because you do.

Kevin Palmieri:

Give me three. Give me three one sentence quick hitters about how to build it.

Alan Lazaros:

Number one set very clear goals in the near future that you value, would you say, small goals.

Kevin Palmieri:

What size goals?

Alan Lazaros:

Depends on the person, but I would say probably weekly or daily goal. Okay Okay, start with daily Okay, okay, okay that's one.

Alan Lazaros:

Number two okay. Number two is do one thing. Whenever you set a goal, immediately there's something required of you that you don't want to do every time. There is no one who loves kale absolutely not. They tell themselves a story they do, but they don't. No one actually wants kale Absolutely not. They tell themselves a story they do, but they don't. No one actually wants to eat kale over a cheeseburger. That's not human. Human beings are evolved for salt, sugar, fat, like. That's not real. Okay. Now that they might. Whatever the point is is the moment you set that goal. Number two, you immediately have something that you don't actually want to do. That's required to achieve the goal mathematically, scientifically. What's that? One thing, do it today. One thing, okay. And when you do.

Alan Lazaros:

Number three is check something, write something down. I check every day, 1207 days. I wake up in the morning, I hobble my ass to the whiteboard and I go and I erase with my finger. Obviously, I erase the six and I put a seven. Go us, fuck. Yeah. 1,207 days in a row without missing exercise. I get to feel good about me first thing in the morning, every day, and then I have to get my ass in the gym. But that's you got to write something down and give yourself some sort of metaphorical check mark. There has to be a neuroscientific loop that closes. That was not one sentence each, but that's all good.

Kevin Palmieri:

I literally sometimes will not have something on my to-do list. I'm like, oh my God, I have to do this. I'll put it on my to-do list just so I can check it off.

Alan Lazaros:

A hundred percent, you get dopamine, you got to hack the good vibes.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's my next level lesson. You got to hack the good vibes when you can. And that's why I said if you look, if you had a really hard week and you grinded it out, get yourself a pizza, as long as it aligns with your goals. It's got to align with your goals. If your goals are dieting and saving money, that might not be it, but if not, you do you Hot table, hot table. You could that. You could do babakoo's burritos. If you want, like, I'm gonna do whatever. Whatever you want, all right, cool, all right. Uh, next level nation private facebook group for amazing people like you who are trying to get to the next level and want an amazing community excuse me, community to do it with. And there is a new book in book club. It is willpower by somebody ray baumeister and John Tierney, roy, roy Baumeister and John Tierney.

Alan Lazaros:

He's reading it on.

Kevin Palmieri:

YouTube yeah, it's a little foggy.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm about to be on book club in 22 minutes. All we do in there is learn how to get better. That's it. It's a group of people who get together every Saturday and we read books and learn how to get better. That's it.

Kevin Palmieri:

Boom. Hell of an endorsement right there. All right, cool as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family.

Alan Lazaros:

We will talk to you all tomorrow, keep it Next Level, next Level.

Kevin Palmieri:

Nation. Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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