Why You NEED Emotional Intelligence As A High Performer… (2127)

Can you be smart and still fail in relationships, leadership, or life? In this episode, Kevin and Alan unpack why emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as critical as IQ, especially for high performers. Through personal stories, sharp insights, and a few laughs, they explore what EQ really means, how it shows up in daily life, and why it’s often the missing link between talent and true success. Whether you struggle with connection or want to strengthen your impact, this conversation will challenge your growth in all the right ways.

Free 30-minute Business Breakthrough Session with Alan -
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https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:06) What emotional intelligence really means
(4:00) How EQ shows up in relationships
(6:04) Recognizing patterns in success and failure
(8:28) Meet your people. Chase your dreams. Level up your life with Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(9:13) EQ Vs. IQ: A balancing act
(12:52) Why EQ isn’t often seen as a top skill
(14:39) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:06 What emotional intelligence really means
• 4:00 How EQ shows up in relationships
• 6:04 Recognizing patterns in success and failure
• 8:28 Meet your people. Chase your dreams. Level up your life with Next Level Group Coaching.
• 9:13 EQ Vs. IQ: A balancing act
• 12:52 Why EQ isn’t often seen as a top skill
• 14:39 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I used to think the best thing for success was intelligence. (0:05) How intellectually intelligent you were, how well you knew math, how well you knew science, all that stuff. (0:10) That is obviously super important, but I do think that emotional intelligence is way more valuable than I ever realized and we're going to talk about it today.

Alan Lazaros

(0:22) EQ and IQ, righty and lefty. (0:25) EQ is emotional intelligence, emotional quotient. (0:29) IQ is intellectual quotient.(0:31) In the 21st century, if you want to be holistically successful, you need to be righty and lefty. (0:36) You need to be ambidextrous.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:37) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:40) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:42) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:45) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:51) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:58) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:14) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:20) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:26) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,127, Why You Need Emotional Intelligence as a High Performer. (1:35) I have connected with a lot of people who are pretty successful. (1:42) I'm kind of a big deal, you know, whatever, we don't have to talk about it.

Alan Lazaros

(1:45) No, I'm not at all. (1:46) I'm just joking, I'm just kidding. (1:47) No, no, good, it's good.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:48) I looked at Kevin funny during that one. (1:50) I know that they don't have great relationships. (1:53) And I don't just mean intimate relationships, I mean relationships in general.(1:57) And I think the reason is because they don't have very high emotional intelligence. (2:01) Yeah, they're successful and they're really good at achievement, but they're not good at connection. (2:05) Yeah.(2:06) What is emotional intelligence to you? (2:09) Tough, man. (2:09) What does it mean to you?

Alan Lazaros

(2:12) Well, I looked it up. (2:13) Yeah, but what does it mean to you? (2:16) What does it mean to you?(2:17) Prior to me reading that definition, I actually haven't read it yet. (2:20) I just looked it up on my phone. (2:24) This is what came up for me when you said you wanted to do this episode.(2:27) I don't want to do this fucking episode. (2:28) Fuck that, I'm kidding. (2:30) No, what came up for me is sadness because I didn't understand the way that other people interpreted things that I said.(2:43) So my goal is never to hurt anyone. (2:46) Yeah. (2:47) My goal is to help.(2:48) And what I've come to understand through 10,820, it's more than that now, but 10,000 hours of coaching, training, and podcasting everything you say is either constructive or destructive depending on the individual. (3:02) So I use the metaphor of a peewee football coach screaming at the kids. (3:08) That's not constructive.(3:09) That's destructive.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:10) It does happen too, unfortunately. (3:12) That's a thing that does happen in the real world.

Alan Lazaros

(3:14) But in the NFL, you better get your fucking shit together. (3:17) What are we doing here? (3:18) You're a professional being paid millions of dollars.(3:20) Catch the fucking ball, right? (3:23) There's levels to everything. (3:25) And I actually think tough love can be constructive.(3:28) My self-talk is very intense and I think it's very constructive. (3:31) And Emilia says it's because I have high self-efficacy and a good relationship with myself also. (3:35) And I do think that's true.(3:38) Emotional intelligence, I believe, is understanding your impact on others. (3:42) And I think that, damn, man, not easy. (3:47) Not easy because everybody's different.(3:50) And you suck at emotional intelligence to the extent that you're different.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:56) I think that's a really good definition. (3:59) I think it's a really good definition. (4:00) I was thinking of it as like, when it comes to intelligence, you know the right tool for the right job.(4:06) You know what to tap into. (4:07) I feel like emotional intelligence is essentially the same except it's from an emotional perspective.

Alan Lazaros

(4:11) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:12) But I don't know if I have a really good definition of it.

Alan Lazaros

(4:16) We've talked about this in the past. (4:17) You can tell when someone has a great relationship. (4:23) And you can tell when they don't.(4:25) What are you looking for? (4:27) You're looking for EQ, emotional intelligence.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:30) Yeah, but it doesn't even seem... (4:32) I'm looking for disrespect. (4:34) If somebody disrespects somebody, then you know the undercurrent is they resent that person for some reason.(4:41) And you know that's not going to work. (4:44) It can't work. (4:45) Why?

Alan Lazaros

(4:45) Why does it have to be resentment? (4:48) I've been disrespected. (4:49) I don't know if people resent me.(4:50) Oh my goodness. (4:52) They definitely do. (4:53) Yeah, for sure.(4:54) Oh no. (4:55) Why?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:57) It could be a whole bunch of reasons. (5:00) In your case specifically, you intimidate them. (5:06) They know they're not going to be like you.(5:07) There's a million. (5:08) There's a million because you're good at stuff. (5:10) People resent that.(5:12) People resent that because it makes them feel bad about them. (5:17) That's right. (5:17) That's what I would say.(5:19) I've used the example a million times. (5:21) I was with a couple one time and we were walking across a log in the woods and one of the... (5:27) Because we all are at some point.(5:28) Because we all are at some point. (5:30) And one of them fell in the water and the other one didn't ask if they were okay. (5:33) They said, hey, make sure you don't get the fucking camera wet.(5:35) I was like, ah, that's that.

Alan Lazaros

(5:37) And they were on their wedding photos?

Kevin Palmieri

(5:41) They were our photographers. (5:43) I try not to call it out, but now it's been long enough where I think they've been divorced for a while. (5:47) They were our photographers.(5:48) Oh, they got divorced? (5:49) They got divorced, yeah. (5:50) Of course they did.(5:51) I knew it. (5:51) The second that happened, I was like, that's it. (5:52) That's game.(5:53) Game over. (5:54) Now we just wait for the cards to fall. (5:55) It's just a matter of when.(5:58) Dude, that's the way that I feel.

Alan Lazaros

(6:02) There's certain things you're not allowed to say.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:04) Say it with your chest. (6:05) I'm going to say this.

Alan Lazaros

(6:05) I got to say it with my chest. (6:06) I can tell when someone's going to be successful. (6:10) You can tell when someone's relationship's going to fail.(6:12) Yeah, I don't think that's arrogant at all. (6:13) Well, I'm grateful.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:15) It's patterns.

Alan Lazaros

(6:16) I can tell. (6:16) Yeah, exactly. (6:17) No, it's just patterns.(6:18) It's like my brain goes, oh, ooh, uh, you're in some fucking trouble. (6:25) But here's the thing. (6:26) You can change.(6:28) You can change that. (6:29) Anyone can be more successful. (6:32) Everybody can be a little more successful.(6:34) But the EQ thing, that was never it for me, man. (6:38) I didn't study that.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:40) I think that was everything for me. (6:42) I think that's why I... (6:45) I remember the job I got that I went from like 15 bucks an hour to this was like the thing.(6:51) It's like, I cannot believe this is real. (6:53) I'm making like 60 bucks an hour. (6:54) How the freak is this even possible?(6:56) You always say that. (6:57) That makes no sense to me whatsoever. (6:59) I've never once thought that.(7:01) Oh, I know. (7:02) But that's you. (7:02) I've never once not known how to do EQ.(7:05) You know what I mean? (7:06) That's you. (7:07) That's a you thing.(7:08) I know. (7:08) And that's statistically rare. (7:10) Super rare.(7:11) And I didn't mean that in like a sassy way. (7:12) I'm not sassy.

Alan Lazaros

(7:13) You need to be righty and lefty.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:16) I literally went to a class where they taught you a new skill because I was so fucking broke that I was like out of options. (7:23) I didn't know what I was going to do. (7:24) At the end of the class, they said, we're going to connect you with the best company.(7:28) And I was like, yeah, sure. (7:29) You say that to everybody. (7:30) Of course.(7:30) Of course. (7:31) Yeah, of course you are. (7:32) Fuck yeah.(7:32) I love that. (7:33) They said upside, you can make anywhere from 60 to $120 an hour. (7:37) And I said, that's just, what are we doing?(7:40) What are we doing? (7:41) This isn't fucking real. (7:42) I know this isn't real.(7:44) Downside, you're gonna have to spend some time on the road and the office is in Boston. (7:47) I was like, interesting. (7:49) Met my boss one time.(7:52) He said, you got a great personality. (7:54) We're going to push you to the front of the lines. (7:56) Okay.(7:57) Say that to everyone. (7:58) You want to say that to everyone, right? (7:59) Cool.(8:00) And then, then I got this job and I, it was like, it was like a life, it was like a life changing experience. (8:07) But I think one of the reasons was because I was, I had higher EQ than I realized. (8:12) I was never that good at almost anything.(8:14) I was good at baseball and stuff, but, but I think people thought I was a good person because I made them feel safe and I made them feel emotionally safe and psychologically safe. (8:24) And I think that's a really big piece of EQ. (8:29) Next level nation.(8:30) What is happening? (8:32) If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start. (8:37) Group coaching would be a wonderful place for you.(8:39) That's really why we created it in the first place. (8:42) We start a new round every 90 days. (8:44) So if you're hearing this, go to the website, nextleveluniverse.com.(8:49) And we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. (8:53) Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. (8:57) The biggest thing that we've seen is as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing.(9:04) The group fills up and they can't do it. (9:06) And then they end up regretting that. (9:07) So please head over to the website.(9:09) The link will be in the show notes, and we would love to see you there.

Alan Lazaros

(9:13) I think the more, the more you develop your IQ, the harder EQ becomes. (9:23) And the more you develop your EQ, the harder IQ becomes. (9:27) Let me explain.(9:31) There are certain people that I used to spend time with where I, this is probably going to sound wrong. (9:37) How do I say this right? (9:38) I would get, you know how the sharp minds sharpen one another?(9:42) The opposite of that. (9:45) Dull. (9:45) I would get less intelligent being around these people.(9:50) I could feel it. (9:51) On the car ride home, I'd be like, wait a minute. (9:53) That was bullshit.(9:54) That was bullshit. (9:55) That was bullshit. (9:56) That's not true.(9:57) I would have to undistort myself. (10:01) Hypothetical question for all of us to ask ourselves. (10:03) How could someone who is distorted help you think more clearly?(10:10) So I would go to these barbecues or these parties or whatever, and I'd be around a bunch of people that are very unintelligent. (10:19) And I would leave going, Alan, you gotta, you gotta sit with yourself for a minute here and figure out what's fucking true. (10:27) Because people have very inaccurate beliefs.(10:30) They would say, oh, and it's no, no, no, no. (10:35) That's not, I can't let that in. (10:38) And the reason why is because if my mental map is off, I'm going to drive off cliffs.(10:44) When we're kids, we do a lot of reckless shit because we have a mental map that's off. (10:50) And so when you're trying to build a company or be successful in an intimate relationship, fitness is a perfect example. (10:59) I mean, if you have a sincere interest to getting in shape, you're going to have to sift through a bunch of horse shit.(11:05) So it just is not true. (11:07) And so imagine you go to some supplement party and they tell you do this and it's going to, you're going to shed the weight. (11:15) You have to go home and go, wait a minute.(11:17) What is actually true? (11:18) And so IQ and EQ is very hard to balance or harmonize because the higher your EQ, the more you have compassion and empathy and vulnerability, and the more you care about people and the more you care about feelings. (11:35) However, you end up around people that have low IQs.(11:39) And I don't mean IQ. (11:40) Most people think of IQ as something you can't change. (11:43) You can improve.(11:43) Neuroscience has shown structural, chemical, and functional changes in the brain. (11:46) Kev, your IQ is way higher than it used to be. (11:49) Way fucking high.(11:50) I have to do a test. (11:51) Dude, it's way higher. (11:55) The thing that is very difficult is EQ and IQ both matter tremendously, but the more you increase one, the harder the other one gets.(12:06) So you used to be someone that everybody liked. (12:09) As you grow as a human being, that's going to be harder and harder and harder. (12:15) And the smarter you get, the more intelligent you get, the more aware you get, the more next level you get, it's going to be more and more difficult to be relatable.(12:23) It's going to be more and more difficult to have empathy for things that you don't struggle with anymore. (12:33) And yeah, EQ is not something that I spent enough time on, in my opinion. (12:40) It's a huge regret of mine.(12:42) I would say I came up a lot when you and I got together. (12:46) For sure. (12:47) And we would talk about vulnerability.(12:48) We would talk about empathy. (12:50) We would talk about compassion. (12:51) We would talk about these things.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:52) Well, that's why I wanted to talk about it because it doesn't... (12:55) I don't know if you searched, like, what are the top five things I need as a high performer? (12:59) I'm willing to bet emotional intelligence wouldn't come up if you searched.

Alan Lazaros

(13:02) No, it would though.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:04) Maybe now, but 10 years ago.

Alan Lazaros

(13:06) No, not 10. (13:07) That's new.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:08) That's new.

Alan Lazaros

(13:08) Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence emotions, both your own and those of others. (13:15) And if you have not seen Inside Out 1 and Inside Out 2, world-class.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:19) I still haven't seen the second one.

Alan Lazaros

(13:20) They're so good for EQ. (13:21) Dude, so good. (13:23) Taryn would love them.(13:24) We've seen the first one. (13:25) I just haven't seen the second one. (13:26) The second one's even better, in my opinion.(13:29) We'll have to check it out. (13:30) World-class for EQ. (13:31) I promise.(13:32) World-class for EQ.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:33) All right. (13:33) What's your next level lesson? (13:34) This is good.(13:35) I really enjoy... (13:36) Again, we're batching five episodes in a very short amount of time. (13:40) I like all these episodes to the point where we're like, maybe we could...(13:42) We're going to revisit some of these for sure. (13:45) What's your next level lesson about this? (13:46) I feel like you didn't get to talk on that one almost at all.(13:49) I'm... (13:49) It's okay. (13:50) It's all gravy.(13:51) I'm trying to make sure we facilitate a good experience for the audience. (13:54) And that doesn't mean I have to speak, even though I know they want to hear from me, because I'm funny and I speak well with my words and my language and my thoughts. (14:04) Nice.

Alan Lazaros

(14:05) My next level lesson is figure out which one is stronger, IQ or EQ. (14:09) Make sure you work on the other one. (14:11) I don't...(14:12) It's not... (14:13) I'm not as drawn. (14:13) I would much rather study the global economy than the five levels of compassion.(14:18) But that means I should study the five levels of compassion.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:21) That would be my next level lesson as well, is don't just do the thing that's easy to you, because the thing that's easy to you, you probably don't need to triple down on. (14:29) You need to do the thing that's not easy for you. (14:31) And it might be the thing that seems like a waste of time.(14:33) It most likely isn't. (14:34) There's a blind spot in there. (14:35) And then where there's a blind spot, there's an opportunity.(14:38) All right. (14:38) Cool. (14:39) All right.(14:39) As always, we love you. (14:40) We appreciate you. (14:41) Grateful for each and every one of you.(14:43) And at NLU, we don't have fans. (14:44) We have family. (14:45) We'll talk to you all tomorrow.(14:46) Keep it Next Level.

Alan Lazaros

(14:47) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:50) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (14:54) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(14:57) We mean it when we say family. (14:59) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (15:02) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(15:06) Thank you again.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:07) And we will talk to you tomorrow.