Next Level University

We’re All Afraid Of Both Success AND Failure (2133)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you holding back because of what success might cost you? In this episode, Kevin and Alan open up about the hidden fears that come with both failure and success. From judgment and rejection to online hate and emotional resilience, they unpack what keeps people stuck and how to move through it with confidence. Whether you're just starting or building something big, this conversation will remind you that growth comes with opinions, but your dream is worth it.

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Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:17) Success brings more judgment
(6:31) Why people tear others down
(8:06) Getting criticism before you’re ready
(10:48) At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward. https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/NzwOxCMxTDyRJg4CLJS1qg
(14:34) The truth about growth and hate
(17:46) Everyone’s afraid, but not of the same thing
(20:11) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I thought that me being afraid of failure was kind of the way that everybody felt. (0:07) And then eventually Alan and I sat down one time and I realized Alan's actually afraid of success. (0:12) And then over the years we have seen so many different variations of that.(0:16) So I think that's an important valuable conversation now.

Alan Lazaros

(0:19) I think when it comes to failure and success, we all want to be successful enough to not be seen as a failure by our peers. (0:30) But we don't want to be so successful that we get ostracized from the group.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:35) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:37) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:39) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:42) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dreamchasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:49) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:55) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:11) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:17) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:23) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2133. (1:28) We're all afraid of both success and failure. (1:34) And maybe you're thinking, well, Kev, I'm not afraid of success at all.(1:36) I want success. (1:38) Maybe it's not success in the way you think it is, but we'll try to get into that today. (1:42) I didn't think I was afraid of success either, until I realized that more success comes with more judgment.

Alan Lazaros

(1:48) Nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:49) And there is a piece of me that does not like that, honestly.

Alan Lazaros

(1:52) Whoa, wait.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:53) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(1:53) So you were super afraid of failure for the first 30 years of your life. (1:58) Fair? (2:00) Yeah, for sure.(2:01) Still are? (2:01) Still are. (2:02) Still.(2:02) Okay. (2:04) What has shifted about that? (2:06) Because I do think it makes sense.(2:09) When you feel like a failure, and you feel like, because you're a gas station attendant, didn't think you'd be successful, didn't go to college, you thought, well, I'm screwed. (2:20) I'm going to be a loser. (2:22) And again, I'm paraphrasing, obviously.(2:23) But you were afraid of failure. (2:26) You worked in a hospital, and the doctors would look down on you. (2:28) You were clean.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:29) 15 years ago today. (2:32) You saw a Facebook memory? (2:33) I saw 15 years ago today, it said, work till 7, gym, hanging.(2:40) That was it. (2:41) Nice. (2:41) Work till 7, I was working overnight.(2:43) So that was 15 years ago.

Alan Lazaros

(2:44) That was back in the day when it used to just say, Kevin Palmieri is. (2:47) Chilling. (2:47) Back in Facebook.(2:48) Chilling. (2:49) Relaxing and chilling. (2:51) So you were afraid to be a failure, afraid to be the townie gas station attendant.(2:58) Now you are very statistically successful in this industry. (3:04) We are very grateful for that. (3:07) What has shifted, man?(3:09) Because this is the first I'm hearing of you having any success whatsoever, seriously.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:17) There's just more judgment. (3:19) There's just more. (3:20) It's almost like, okay, cool.(3:23) If you're afraid of success, if you're afraid of failure, what are you really afraid of? (3:27) You're afraid of the judgment that happens when you fail. (3:30) Oftentimes, right?(3:32) If you're afraid of rejection, you're afraid of that, the feeling. (3:35) What's that person thinking as they're rejecting me? (3:37) That's mine, at least.(3:38) Well, when you're successful, people are going to judge you too. (3:42) And honestly, more people are going to judge you because more people are going to see you. (3:46) When my fear of being a failure was not necessarily public, I just thought I was never going to be successful.(3:52) Me, behind the scenes, not even necessarily in front of the scenes. (3:56) Where is success seen? (3:57) In front of the scenes.(3:59) That's where people see it. (4:01) So it's more that, it's more the fact that if this episode was to go viral and then I was to find out that 500 of the 500,000 people that saw it didn't like it and did a thumbs down, what would that feel like? (4:16) That scares me for sure.(4:18) That scares me. (4:20) Okay. (4:22) It's not the actual success.(4:24) It's the byproducts of success that you're not necessarily ready for. (4:28) Just like, I don't think it's the actual failure. (4:29) It's the byproducts or the circumstances that the failure creates.

Alan Lazaros

(4:34) There was a time in your life where you shit on successful people. (4:40) Uh, not, not externally. (4:42) So let me rephrase.(4:43) My bad. (4:43) You, for, for this whole journey, Kevin and I, we've been contemplating and I would get really frustrated with people who would shit on me. (4:55) And I now doing, doing Facebook memories, looking back, I understand why I'm not making it okay.(5:03) I don't think anyone should chop anyone down. (5:05) I, well, ironically, the only people who should be chopped down are bullies, but who's doing the chopping bullies. (5:13) So that's the weird paradox there.(5:16) And I, Facebook memory came up recently and this was nine years ago and I was in a picture with my sister and someone commented, Oh, I'm glad you guys have the same size calves. (5:31) My sister's like a little, a little girl. (5:32) Yeah.(5:33) The rough. (5:34) And I was, this person is out of shape and a miserable human being, not a fan. (5:39) And I, I think I said something back to him, but I remember thinking, what a dick, this is a neighbor of mine growing up.(5:47) It's like, why do you have to say that? (5:49) And by the way, my calves are actually looking pretty good in that photo, but whatever. (5:54) Okay.(5:54) So Kevin and I have been contemplating for eight years now, this whole failure, success, judgment, social world, real world. (6:03) You never understood. (6:06) If I felt very unseen sometimes of why would you be afraid of success?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:12) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(6:14) And I did know at some point you might start to become someone who other people want to chop down because the taller you grow, the more people can see you and the more some people are just going to shit on you. (6:31) They're just going to try to chop you down. (6:32) And you had someone reach out of, what are you fucking Tony Robbins?(6:35) And you've had some hate comments, but not that much. (6:38) All things to be honest. (6:39) Very few.(6:40) Yeah. (6:40) Very lucky. (6:41) Okay.(6:41) That's not going to happen forever. (6:43) Like it's going to get exponentially worse. (6:46) What didn't you understand back then that you do now?(6:48) Cause I feel like I always got more hate than you.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:51) I think it's, I don't know. (6:58) Now I understand that I, I need to, you need to get it along the way because if not, it'll just break you. (7:04) Imagine if, imagine if you don't make music at all.(7:08) And then the first song you ever make goes like hyper viral. (7:13) You don't, number one, you don't know how to handle the love. (7:16) So you have no idea.(7:17) Gangnam style. (7:18) Yeah. (7:18) That's a big one.(7:18) That thing.

Alan Lazaros

(7:19) I don't know if it's his first one.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:20) I don't think so, but still cranking, selling out arenas on that still to this day.

Alan Lazaros

(7:25) What a ridiculous song. (7:27) I like Gangnam style for, in one of those orange and blue suits for Halloween ones. (7:32) I never liked the song.(7:33) I didn't get it. (7:34) I didn't, I don't understand it. (7:36) We needed a costume last minute.(7:37) We were going out.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:38) Whatever.

Alan Lazaros

(7:38) I support it.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:39) I support it.

Alan Lazaros

(7:39) We looked like dumb and dumber.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:40) But imagine, imagine if that was that, that person's first hit, you don't really know what to do with a love. (7:46) Why does everybody love me so much? (7:48) And do they actually love me or do they love what I represent?(7:50) Or do they love my money or do they love my music? (7:52) I don't, do they even, they don't even know who I am. (7:54) How can they possibly love me?(7:55) Or why does everybody hate me? (7:57) I didn't, they don't know me. (7:58) They don't know who I am.(8:00) They, maybe they hate my music, but why do they hate me? (8:03) You're not prepared for it. (8:04) I can only imagine.(8:05) I can only imagine. (8:06) So I think that's, that was a surprise to me is it's almost good that you get it along the way, because if you don't get it along the way, you're not gonna be able to handle it when you do get it, which you're, if you're doing something remarkable, it will be remarked upon, unfortunately. (8:22) Yeah.(8:23) That was a quote I used to say. (8:24) Yes. (8:24) That's where I got it from.(8:25) I didn't make it up. (8:26) That, that's a, that's an unfortunate byproduct. (8:30) And some people's remarks are inherently negative.(8:33) Because they're not happy. (8:35) That's the thing that has helped me. (8:37) That's the thing that has helped me.(8:38) And if somebody said, Hey, how do you, how do you suggest based on your experience? (8:42) How would you advise me not to deal with the hate or to deal with the hate? (8:47) Understand that the person on the other side of the keyboard is just not that happy.(8:51) And you could literally do anything. (8:53) And they would find a way to find something. (8:55) You could do anything.(8:56) And they would be like, Oh, Oh, you only donate a million. (9:00) You cheap fuck. (9:01) Why don't you donate more?(9:02) It's like, well, a million dollars, a lot of money. (9:04) I mean, that's a lot of money. (9:05) Yeah.(9:06) That's, that's, Oh, you, you only served, you only served food to 500 underprivileged kids. (9:13) If you really cared, it would be 5,000. (9:14) It's like, Oh, well, okay.(9:15) Well, okay.

Alan Lazaros

(9:16) Yeah. (9:18) There was a person earlier, I was on Facebook and I think they started a podcast. (9:23) And I commented, I said, no kidding.(9:25) Awesome. (9:27) And the opening was interesting. (9:28) Now, I always try to look for the good in people.(9:32) That's been a huge thing for me in my life. (9:36) And he opened it up and I don't keep this anonymous, but his name's Timmy and I won't use last names. (9:42) And he's like, Ah, welcome.(9:43) It's Timmy, Timmy, the emperor. (9:45) And I remember thinking the emperor, that's kind of stupid in my opinion, if I'm honest, like, and again, I've been hated on too. (9:55) So I'm not going to hate on him.(9:57) I'm going to give it a like, and I'm going to give it a comment. (9:58) And I'm going to say, Hey man, it's good to see you doing it. (10:00) And I said something along those lines, but there was a part of me that was like, Timmy, the emperor, that's gotta be some dumb shit.(10:07) Right. (10:08) But then I was like, well, he's in the beginning. (10:10) He's probably just insecure.(10:12) He has to call himself the emperor in order to, I don't know, ego up and feel safe enough to do it. (10:17) And at the end of the day, I said some dumb shit early on too. (10:21) I never called myself the emperor, but, and you know how people, I'm building an empire.(10:25) I always hated that shit. (10:28) Yeah. (10:28) I do realize emperors are like awful humans.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:30) Typically. (10:31) I don't think, I don't think people, yeah, most people, it's just a common saying.

Alan Lazaros

(10:35) So people just use it. (10:36) People would call Emilia and I a power couple bothered me so much because a lot of the power couples are really shitty people. (10:44) Not all of them, but, uh, NLU listener, what is happening?(10:51) I just wanted to jump in here and let you know, if you want to get to the next level faster, we have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. (11:00) You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. (11:05) The link to register will be in the show notes.(11:09) Again, at the end of the day, you have to hold your own understanding of things. (11:15) And again, Timmy, huge fan, love his fitness content. (11:18) Again, I know none of you know who I'm talking about, but I know what I'm talking about.(11:21) A huge fan of him. (11:22) He's always been a positive influence in my life. (11:24) From the moment I met him to now I've been a fan.(11:27) The emperor thing annoys me. (11:29) I think it's stupid. (11:29) I really do.(11:30) Don't call yourself the emperor, but at the end of the day, it's your life. (11:33) You, you choose. (11:34) So I'm, I'm not going to point out the one thing that I don't like.(11:38) I'm going to look at the nine other things that I do like. (11:42) And, and now don't get me wrong. (11:43) There are some people out there that are shitty, that are tearing people down, that are bullies that I actually do dislike.(11:49) And I don't like their stuff and I won't comment on their stuff because I don't think we need more of that guy in the world or that girl. (11:57) But at the end of the day, I'm not really trying to chop people down. (12:01) I, I, I think when you get chopped down a lot, you realize that it's really destructive.(12:14) It's really unnecessary. (12:18) And you don't want to, this, this is what I would say about it. (12:23) And for anyone out there watching or listening, if you're afraid of success, this is what you're really afraid of.(12:27) You're afraid to be chopped down. (12:29) The taller you grow, the more you will be chopped down. (12:31) That is a fact of life.(12:35) The more you have an opinion, the more you have a voice. (12:38) Look at how uncomfortable it got. (12:39) Even me saying the emperor thing is stupid.(12:41) It is stupid in my honest opinion. (12:44) Is that me chopping him down?

Kevin Palmieri

(12:45) You're entitled to your opinion. (12:47) No, if you reached out, if you reached out and commented and said, wow, that's dumb, that would be different. (12:51) That would be a different conversation.

Alan Lazaros

(12:52) Yeah. (12:53) And what I really hope lands right now is you cannot grow taller. (13:02) Metaphorically without more people chopping down at you and it's okay.(13:09) If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. (13:11) I don't fully agree with that either because we have to have strong opinions. (13:14) We have to, we have to have beliefs and convictions.(13:17) We have to stand up to bullies. (13:19) I think that that's really what I want to say here is Timmy is not a bully that I'm certain I know him. (13:26) I've known him for a long time.(13:27) He seems like a positive guy who's trying to do good in the world. (13:30) And the episode was awesome from what I could tell. (13:33) He was basically saying everyone should orient their life around meaning.(13:36) He was vulnerable talking about how he at one point wanted to commit suicide. (13:40) All this is public, by the way. (13:41) So I'm not sharing his stuff, but if he was a bully, I wouldn't like it.(13:47) I wouldn't comment. (13:48) I would unfollow him and I'd move on with my life. (13:51) And if it's a bully who was attacking me, then I would defend myself.(13:55) If it's a bully attacking someone that I adore, that I would defend Emilia or you or whoever. (14:02) But beyond that, I don't think it's constructive to constantly stand from this pedestal of, you know, what's best for everyone all the time. (14:12) And Facebook memories has been changing my life because I'm going back and looking at some of the things that we've said and we've done.(14:19) We're a couple kids growing into who we're meant to be. (14:23) And the only way you grow is by putting yourself out there. (14:25) And when you put yourself out there, you are just going to get ripped a fucking new one.(14:29) And just please don't be a fucking bully. (14:32) Just don't.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:34) The upside of it is in the beginning, I just think of it now as more of like the numbers game of if a million people know you, just say it's 50-50. (14:47) 500,000 of those people don't like you. (14:50) 500,000 of those people do like you.(14:53) Then a smaller segment of that, of the 500,000 that like you, love you. (14:59) And then even smaller segment is like you are their hero and you're their favorite person in the world. (15:05) Well, it's on the opposite end too.(15:06) So 500,000 people don't like you. (15:09) Just like, whatever. (15:11) A small percentage of them fucking hate you.(15:15) And then an even smaller percentage of them hate you so fucking much. (15:20) And they'll reach out and they'll reach out to tell you. (15:23) Just like out of the 500,000 people that like you only, I don't know, 50 of those people reach out and say that they like you.(15:29) I think that it's the same. (15:31) It's the same thing. (15:33) So if right now you're trying to grow something and it's not growing and you're like, oh my goodness, only 50 people like it.(15:39) This, uh, this sucks. (15:40) It's brutal. (15:40) I can't stand it.(15:43) Number one, get comfortable with people liking it because it could be weird when there's a lot more than 50 people. (15:51) And if there is negative feedback and if there are negative comments, which I hope for you there are to some degree, not to a detrimental degree, sit with them and try to figure out what does this mean about me? (16:02) Because you're most likely going to make it mean something about you.(16:05) Because I wish I did that sooner. (16:08) I wish I did that sooner when I got feedback from people because it would have helped me deal with it and be more constructive and build up the shield and build up resilience and know when I need a shield and when I don't. (16:23) And yeah, I think it just would have been more constructive for me.

Alan Lazaros

(16:26) Constructive is, I think, centered. (16:29) And this will be the last thing. (16:30) I know we got to jump here.(16:31) Someone reached out to me. (16:33) He said, your profile caught my attention. (16:34) Are you open to chat about possible projects?(16:36) And I looked into this guy and I'm not a fan. (16:40) He's one of those extremely, extremely, extremely intense semi-toxic men. (16:48) I'll keep it anonymous.(16:49) And I literally said, sorry, I'm on my Instagram right now. (16:53) I said, I'm not, but thanks anyways. (16:55) That's it.(16:56) And he liked it. (16:57) It's like, no, dude, I don't want to fucking do a Lamborghini collab. (17:02) You can kind of fuck off.(17:03) But I said, thank you. (17:05) No, but thank you. (17:06) I don't need to be disrespectful in order to like, listen, you're doing you.(17:13) You're jacked. (17:14) Good for you. (17:14) Every other picture is in a Ferrari.(17:16) That ain't my jam. (17:17) You do you. (17:18) I'm not going to go out of my way to chop him down.(17:22) But I'm also not going to put wind into the sails of something that I actually don't think is good for the world. (17:27) And I don't personally believe that that man in particular is good for the world. (17:30) I'm not here to judge him and say he shouldn't be in existence or anything like that.(17:35) Everybody has different beliefs, but I am not going to collab with the fucking guy. (17:39) And I think that that's just a very mature approach. (17:42) And I wish that I had known that early on.(17:46) Every human being I've ever coached, and this has been hundreds, is afraid of failure and success. (17:53) What they're not afraid of is the same thing. (17:55) Some people are more afraid of judgment than anything else.(17:58) Some people are more afraid of losing people. (18:00) Some people are afraid of looking incompetent and being embarrassed. (18:04) Some people are afraid of not being smart enough or not being good enough.(18:07) Everyone's afraid. (18:09) Every human being has insecurities. (18:10) Every human being has vulnerabilities.(18:12) We're just not all afraid of the same thing. (18:14) Half the things I said on this very episode, there's a small part of me that is afraid that you're going to hate me. (18:20) And the truth is, I'm not afraid of you hating me.(18:22) I am afraid of you not coming to next level university because I triggered you when you actually could benefit tremendously by being here. (18:32) It's been really hard for me to hold on to my self-respect because some of the things that I love most about myself, other people really don't like about me and or whatever. (18:41) So there was a post recently that Emilia did.(18:45) And Emilia is a very empowered, incredible, fit, wonderful, intelligent woman. (18:48) She's my favorite person in the entire world. (18:51) And she posted something recently that I knew would come off arrogant.(18:55) And I just gave it some love. (18:56) And I was like, you know what? (18:57) Let her do her, man.(18:59) Let her do her. (18:59) I know that she doesn't know that that's going to come off wrong because I didn't fucking know either. (19:05) But at the end of the day, she's fucking awesome and good for her.(19:10) And so everybody's got a goddamn opinion. (19:13) And at the end of the day, I hope you're living your dreams and chasing your dreams and trying to be a good person at the end of the day. (19:18) And if you're trying to be a good person and fail forward, yeah, that's I'm for people who are out there doing chasing their dreams, getting after their goals, trying to be good people, trying to do the right thing.(19:32) And for the bullies out there, cut the shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:36) Yeah, get fucked. (19:38) I'm afraid you're not gonna like me. (19:40) I'm not afraid of almost any of that other stuff.(19:41) Like if you don't come to NLU because you don't like me, I'm not as afraid of that, honestly. (19:45) But I want you to like me. (19:46) I do.(19:46) If you don't like me, I can understand because nobody is for everybody. (19:51) Just unless they try to be. (19:52) Even then, by default, then you're probably not for yourself.(19:55) That's a whole that's a whole nother thing. (19:57) All right, we're gonna hop on out of here. (19:58) Facebook group, Next Level Nation book club every single Saturday, 12 30 p.m. Eastern Time. (20:03) And we have the Next Level Dreamliner, a sustainable way to journal your way to your dream life. (20:09) We'll have the link in the show notes for all of those things. (20:11) As always, we love you.(20:12) We appreciate you. (20:14) Grateful for each and every one of you. (20:15) And NLU fans, we have family.(20:17) We will talk to you all tomorrow. (20:19) Keep it Next Level. (20:20) Next Level Nation.(20:23) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (20:27) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(20:30) We mean it when we say family. (20:32) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (20:35) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(20:38) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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