1 Thing You NEED To Know About Embarrassment (2137)

In this episode of Next Level University, Kevin tells a hilarious story from a recent golf trip that turned into a valuable lesson about embarrassment. He and Alan share honest thoughts on why these moments sting and how they can help us grow. If you’ve ever felt out of place or judged, you’ll connect with this one. Tune in for some laughs, real talk, and a reminder that you’re not alone.

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Show notes:
(4:24) Facing entitlement and judgment
(7:35) Why embarrassment hits so hard
(9:46) At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward. https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/NzwOxCMxTDyRJg4CLJS1qg#/registration
(13:05) From humiliation to motivation
(16:31) When a moment redefines you
(18:43) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 4:24 Facing entitlement and judgment
• 7:35 Why embarrassment hits so hard
• 9:46 At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward.
• 13:05 From humiliation to motivation
• 16:31 When a moment redefines you
• 18:43 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I had something happen to me on my golf trip that I was terrified that was going to happen. (0:06) It happened in real time. (0:08) I was like, oh my goodness, it is happening.(0:10) And I survived. (0:11) And here we are.

Alan Lazaros

(0:13) The way that you react to embarrassment, I've been embarrassed so many times in my life because I've just been taking shots. (0:21) The way you react to embarrassment is going to make or break a lot of your success.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:27) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:29) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:31) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:34) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:41) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:47) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:03) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:09) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:15) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,130. (1:20) One thing you need to know about embarrassment.(1:23) Alan has not heard this story yet because I said, I want to tell it live on the podcast and we're going to do it. (1:28) All right. (1:28) So as you know, last week I was in Myrtle Beach for a bachelor party and it was a golf trip.(1:33) Okay. (1:34) Another episode about golfing. (1:36) Yeah, it's going to be, you're going to get a lot of those because that's what I got.(1:38) That's my experience. (1:40) So as I mentioned, the first day went really well. (1:43) I go into the pro shop, I get my rental clubs, super, super awesome people.(1:48) I'm like, this is going to be fine. (1:49) I got some blisters after the first day. (1:52) So the second day I go into the pro shop and I need to buy a glove.(2:00) I didn't see, I'm a fish out of water here. (2:02) I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (2:04) So I pick up a pair of gloves.(2:06) Evidently they're meant for rain. (2:08) They're like rain gloves. (2:09) Whatever.(2:10) Good enough for me. (2:10) I don't care. (2:11) I'm not picky.(2:11) Don't worry about it. (2:12) So I go up to the counter and there's a different guy there that day and he's like, you sure you want rain gloves? (2:18) It's going to be a hundred degrees out today.(2:19) I said, yeah, it's not a problem. (2:21) I'll take them. (2:22) He says, we do have regular gloves if you need them.(2:24) And I said, I'll take the regular gloves. (2:26) Cool. (2:28) So he, he like looks at me funnily and then just really walks really slow to the back behind the desk to get the gloves.(2:37) He comes back and he's like, all right, try on this glove. (2:41) And I said, it fits. (2:43) I said, I need a, I need the other hand glove.(2:47) Because at this point, Matt had already given me, yeah, it's a shit show. (2:51) Matt had already given me the left hand because I'm a right-handed golfer. (2:55) You need the left hand.(2:56) I said, I need the other hand. (2:58) I said, why didn't you tell me you needed the other hand? (3:01) And I said, I don't know, you brought me this one.(3:03) He said, well, you have to tell me specifically that you are a lefty golfer. (3:07) And I said, dude, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (3:12) I'm an idiot.(3:13) I need the other glove. (3:15) And he literally like looked at me dead in the eyes and just started laughing at me. (3:19) And he's like, well, today's going to be an interesting day, isn't it?(3:21) And I said, yes, for you and me, both. (3:23) And then he, he, he walked very slowly to the back to go get the other fucking glove. (3:28) And then when he came back, he was literally laughing at me.(3:31) Like, I'm not kidding. (3:32) He wasn't even trying to hide it. (3:33) He was just laughing at me.(3:36) Sir, I will pull you, I will pull you over the counter by your golf tee. (3:40) And I will beat the bag out of you, you son of a bitch.

Alan Lazaros

(3:45) And it was just like, you know, it was, he's like, our golf course is just a yuppie place, man. (3:51) This little bit. (3:52) I'm just saying, if you're a golfer and you're out there, I'm not trying to offend you.(3:55) I'm not a fan. (3:56) There's a little bit of the nose.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:57) This was my, this was my, this was my take. (4:02) So with the package we got, we got free lunch, free breakfast and free two beers. (4:07) It's like, this was like a really good deal.(4:09) We got it. (4:10) And I remember thinking, and again, if you're a golfer, I'm not trying to offend you, like Alan said, but you probably know somebody like this. (4:15) I remember thinking, I have never seen a larger group of below average people that are so fucking entitled.(4:24) I know it's brutal. (4:26) Everybody there is like, they think they're the, they're the bees knees.

Alan Lazaros

(4:30) Isn't it wild? (4:31) It was weird, brother. (4:32) I was, and again, I know, you know, I was a cart kid and I was a bus boy at a golf course when I was 16, 17 years old, 15, 15, 16, and 17.(4:44) And even before that, cause I used to have to get dropped off at work and I would wash clubs. (4:49) And if you wash clubs really well, you could get some really good tips. (4:52) But some of these people were just fucking assholes.(4:56) They just treated you like a piece of shit. (4:59) And I just, I'm not a fan. (5:01) Never been a big fan.(5:02) I actually, I'm not kidding. (5:03) I drove our Tesla into the garage. (5:06) It makes it sound like I drove it into the actual garage.(5:09) I opened the garage doors, drove into the garage and I can see her clubs across the way. (5:13) I said, why don't you sell those? (5:15) We're not going to fucking golf, right?(5:18) She's been golfing once since we met. (5:20) It's been six years, sweetheart. (5:21) Sell those things.(5:23) Uh, the reason why I just hate it. (5:24) She loves the nature. (5:25) The nature is nice.(5:26) The nature is not a fan though. (5:28) There's some, there's some level of, I think golf in some ways is just a giant dick measuring competition. (5:36) I would say that's fair.(5:37) It's who has the most money, who has the hottest wife. (5:39) It was a whole thing. (5:40) And again, I'm, I understand a lot of you might like golf.(5:44) I just, I'm not a fan. (5:45) I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of entitlement. (5:47) There's a lot of generational wealth and there's a lot of I'm middle-aged and overweight and miserable, but I'm going to pretend that I'm the bees knees.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:56) I enjoyed the golf itself. (5:58) Everybody on the club on the course was really nice. (6:01) It was just this one dude.(6:02) And I knew I was going to get one. (6:04) I knew there was going to be, there's always one. (6:06) So I check out, I get my glove, my other glove.(6:10) And then I went out and I told Matt, I was like that dude in there fucking hated me. (6:14) He's like, what happened? (6:15) And I was like, just, it was about as bad as it could be.(6:19) And here's my thesis. (6:20) Here's my thesis. (6:21) I had a very quick thought of like, dude, I, I don't know what I'm doing, but I, I, I will pull you over this counter and I'll put your, I'll put your head up your shirt up over your head and I'll give you a couple Hadoukens.(6:34) No, you know, it's one of those things where like, I expected something like that to happen at some point.

Alan Lazaros

(6:39) You've been judged your whole life, man. (6:40) One of these days, I just hope Kevin loses it and just beats the bag out of somebody.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:46) Dude, talk about just feeling like a fish out of water. (6:49) I mean, there's a, it wasn't, there wasn't a ton of insecurity, but like, I don't know anything. (6:53) I don't know golf.(6:54) I don't know what this does. (6:56) I don't know what this is. (6:57) I don't know the...(6:58) What are you writing for the gloves? (7:00) Quick 35? (7:01) No, it was like 17.(7:02) Okay. (7:03) Not too bad. (7:03) It was one glove though.(7:04) Yeah. (7:06) 17 for one glove. (7:07) What are we doing here?(7:09) Here was my thesis. (7:10) That was my thesis. (7:11) And this is the point of the episode.(7:12) I know we don't have a ton of time to do the pricing in the pro shop. (7:14) Let me give the fucking lesson. (7:17) No, no, no, no.(7:18) Cause it's funny. (7:19) Let me give the lesson.

Alan Lazaros

(7:20) Pricing in the pro shop, huge markup.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:21) Be careful. (7:22) Of course. (7:22) Of course.(7:23) Well, and that's the other thing too, is like, if I wanted to buy clubs, like 500 bucks minimum, I'm like, what are we, what, what? (7:30) 500 bucks is a lot of money. (7:32) This is the lesson.(7:35) I'm convinced the reason embarrassment is so embarrassing is because you replay it in your head 15,000 times after it happens. (7:43) And that's what makes it more embarrassing. (7:46) I told a couple people about it and I was laughing about it.(7:48) It's like, whatever, man, fuck you. (7:49) Have a good day. (7:50) I don't care.(7:51) Whatever. (7:51) I'm going to go live my life. (7:53) And honestly, my life is pretty freaking good.(7:55) All things considered. (7:56) So you, whatever, dude, you need to get a little, you need to get a ribbing out of someone today. (8:00) And you'll probably tell a bunch of people that came in about this idiot kid who didn't know what he was doing.(8:04) Like, whatever, it's fine. (8:05) I'm going to talk about your ass on the podcast. (8:07) So there's that too.(8:10) That was the lesson. (8:12) I told a couple of people, I told a couple of people, and then I went about my day. (8:18) And then I, then I went about my day.(8:19) And is it funny now? (8:20) I think it's hilarious. (8:23) But if I just kept replaying it, cause I had that moment of like, oh, you're so stupid.(8:28) You just feel like an idiot when something like that happens, you know? (8:32) So that's the, that's my lesson. (8:35) The one thing I think we all need to know about embarrassment is I think we, by replaying the thing over and over and over again, probably embarrass ourselves more than we actually were embarrassed in the, in the actual act of it happening.(8:46) That's my thesis.

Alan Lazaros

(8:47) So Kevin opened to this episode before we hit record saying, you're not going to like this topic. (8:53) I don't, I don't dislike it. (8:55) I think it's really good because I think how you react to embarrassment is going to make or break a lot of your success.(9:02) I don't say that lightly because if you get embarrassed, which you will, if you start a company or shoot for anything big, the next level, you're going to get embarrassed. (9:13) Of course, you're just gonna, I don't think that, I don't think you can be successful at anything without some embarrassment because you're going to be a beginner and you're going to do something stupid around people that are not beginners. (9:28) So it's just inevitable.(9:30) But what is your relationship with embarrassment? (9:32) I wanted to ask you this because Kev told a story way back on the hyper conscious podcast about in high school, he had these pit stains. (9:39) I did.(9:39) I probably have them right now. (9:40) I do. (9:41) It's hot in here.(9:42) And back in high school, that was like the end for you. (9:47) NLU listener, what is happening? (9:49) I just wanted to jump in here and let you know, if you want to get to the next level faster, we have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month.(9:58) You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. (10:03) The link to register will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:07) Oh my God, I was sitting next to, so I was in Mr. Smith's class.

Alan Lazaros

(10:12) You had Mr. Smith.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:13) Can you give me just first name of the person you were sitting with? (10:15) Craig. (10:16) Yeah, yeah.(10:16) Craig.

Alan Lazaros

(10:18) I hope that we went to high school together.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:19) I know it makes things so much better. (10:21) I raised my hand to ask a question and, and this, this kid was a friend of mine. (10:25) It wasn't, he wasn't trying to be a dick.(10:27) He wasn't, like he, he wasn't, he wasn't like that kind of kid. (10:30) He's like, dude, pits, you got pit stains, man. (10:32) And I was like, what?(10:34) And I looked down and I was like, oh my God. (10:36) First time I had ever thought about that in my entire life. (10:40) I didn't wear gray shirts for years.(10:44) Dude, I bought special deodorant. (10:47) I was like, do I need to get those pads that you put under your arm? (10:50) I was so freaking embarrassed.(10:53) So embarrassed by that. (10:55) It was terrible. (10:56) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:57) High school was awful. (10:58) High school was pretty bad. (10:59) High school was basically just spending your entire existence trying to figure out how to not look bad.(11:04) How do I not? (11:06) One time, I kid you not, I was eating one of those, you know, those freaking rocket pops way back. (11:13) I was in Ms. Gilmette's class and we were doing SAT prep and Kiki was behind me and we were reading some fucking passage and I was big into math, so I didn't give a shit. (11:27) And my pop melted all over the book, man, straight up all over the book. (11:33) And Kiki started losing it because he looked over and my hands were covering it. (11:38) And then I pulled my hands off and he fucking lost it.(11:42) This is my best friend growing up. (11:44) And Mrs. Gilmette kicked us out of class and said, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class? (11:49) It was a whole thing.(11:52) But anyways, the point of this is how do you handle embarrassments? (11:57) I've had the entire class laugh at me. (11:59) I kid you not.(12:01) I have been laughed off stage at a fitness competition. (12:04) I also kid you not.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:05) Kevin was there for that.

Alan Lazaros

(12:06) I was there for that. (12:07) Yeah, that was brutal. (12:08) That was, I kind of wanted to beat their asses too, to be honest.(12:11) It's like, fuck you guys, honestly. (12:14) And you're both wildly out of shape, by the way. (12:16) So you might judge me, but what the hell, get in the gym.(12:20) But again, at the end of the day, it's just insecurity. (12:23) And then on this journey too, I mean, I'm still in some ways proving my value or proving my worth or having people give me advice that maybe don't understand what I really understand and certainly don't understand what you and I are building or why we're building it or how big it will be. (12:47) I think that to me, it has motivated the hell out of me.(12:52) I have a list of people who have been bullies. (12:54) I do. (12:55) And it's in my head.(12:56) It's always there. (12:59) And now, and this is hopefully valuable for everyone listening. (13:05) When I get shit on, I skip the frustration part.(13:11) I don't want to say fully. (13:11) I get frustrated. (13:12) I get upset.(13:13) I get mad. (13:16) Emilia calls it sacred rage. (13:19) And yeah, right.(13:20) And I vent about it a little bit behind the scenes. (13:23) And then I just go, okay, I'll fucking show you. (13:29) It's all good.(13:30) And ultimately what I've come to now, and I used to think this was kind of bullshit because I think you need to have a little bit of this when you're younger, when you're getting shit on, you're getting bullied. (13:39) No one believes in you. (13:40) You got to have that, like prove yourself thing.(13:43) You do a little bit seriously. (13:44) Otherwise you, I think that's where a lot of my drive came from. (13:48) It's like, okay, all right.(13:49) Yep. (13:50) You obviously don't know my value. (13:51) I'm going to, you will one day, but eventually that has to evolve because eventually you become more successful and more successful and more successful.(13:59) And it still keeps happening. (14:01) And you're like, well, wait a minute. (14:02) I mean, I thought by now, maybe the 3,000th episode, people will take us seriously.(14:08) Right? (14:09) It turns out you realize it's not about that. (14:11) And so I have a list of bullies who I do believe were disrespectful.(14:15) Didn't believe in me, blah, blah, blah. (14:17) And one day I'm not going to thank them, but I will say I've already in some ways thanked them inside of me. (14:22) And now I almost, I still don't like it, but there's definitely something to it where it's almost like, okay, I'm going to use this.(14:32) I feel like that's fuel. (14:34) I want to ask you, what is it for you though?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:36) Because not that, not that, I don't know. (14:39) It's that was different. (14:41) Cause it was like, look, I don't know what I'm doing here.(14:43) It's completely understandable. (14:44) Like I'm sure again, this is like a well-known golf course that a lot of really good people go to. (14:49) And I'm not that.(14:51) So the guy was probably waiting for something like that to happen. (14:54) That probably happens every so often. (14:56) So I think that's different versus if it was something else that I got embarrassed in that I was like good at.(15:02) Yeah. (15:02) I think it would be different. (15:04) I already felt out of control.(15:05) I already felt out of my element.

Alan Lazaros

(15:06) What's your relationship with embarrassment? (15:08) Embarrassment.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:09) It sucks. (15:09) I hate it. (15:10) I hate it.(15:11) Does it motivate you?

Alan Lazaros

(15:14) What's your truth?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:15) My truth is I prepare. (15:18) So I'm not embarrassed more than I get motivated by being embarrassed when we bombed the training.

Alan Lazaros

(15:26) Oh, it's fucking terrible. (15:27) Did that motivate you?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:28) No, no, because if it was up to me and I prepped, we wouldn't have bombed it. (15:34) That's the, okay. (15:35) Let's say it was you.(15:36) It wouldn't have been. (15:38) Oh, for fuck's sake. (15:39) I know, but you got to it.(15:42) It wouldn't have been, I wouldn't have let it happen like that. (15:44) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(15:44) Now that you've worked with someone who is motivated by embarrassment, I, I would say if I were to look at, I have a checklist of things that I know we're going to jump. (15:52) I have a checklist of things that I'm trying to identify as key indicators of future success. (15:57) When you invest in a company, there's certain things you look for.(15:59) I'm going to eventually invest in people, entrepreneurs, business owners, and I'm looking for certain things. (16:04) I want to have an algorithm that calculates the probability of statistical success based on the individual character traits. (16:08) One of them is going to be reaction to embarrassment.(16:11) If you shut down after embarrassment versus like ignite embarrassment is one of the prey drive triggers in the book flip to flip the switch. (16:21) I interviewed coach Michael Byrd on business growth university. (16:24) He talked about the book flip the switch.(16:25) He, he studied the top 20 motivational theories. (16:31) Embarrassment is one of the prey drive triggers. (16:34) Not for everyone though, because embarrassment absolutely shuts some people down for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:39) It makes me prep. (16:40) That's one of the reasons I did so much prep. (16:42) I was always, I always try to be prepared because I didn't want to embarrass myself in that way, you know, but I think it depends.(16:47) It depends on what it's in. (16:48) It depends on how you're feeling about yourself. (16:50) It depends on whether you're riding high or not.(16:51) I remember we had Jarek Robbins on the podcast. (16:54) It was Tony Robbins son. (16:55) And one of the questions I was like, this is going to be a fire question.(16:58) Nobody's ever asked him this before. (16:59) I asked something along the lines of like, what was it like to up with someone who's so inspirational and so motivational? (17:05) Like what was it like to be that close to someone like that?(17:09) And it was just shut me down. (17:11) It was like, Hmm, I'm not going to answer that pretty much. (17:14) And I was like, I was so embarrassed by that.(17:17) I was so embarrassed by that because I thought that was, was I motivated by it? (17:23) No, I don't think not in the traditional sense. (17:25) You know what I was motivated by from that to never answer a question the way that question was answered.(17:31) Honestly, it was like, I'm never going to.

Alan Lazaros

(17:34) And by the way, he's just really insecure about that. (17:36) I think he's concerned on a deep level that the reason we had him on the podcast is because of his father. (17:41) And there's some truth to that.(17:43) And he's just so insecure about being in the shadow of that.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:45) But I didn't, I wish I knew that if I had the awareness, then I could have asked the question.

Alan Lazaros

(17:50) But he wasn't vulnerable.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:51) He was a dick instead of being vulnerable.

Alan Lazaros

(17:53) And I have no problem saying that.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:55) That's the way that I, and I coached Jarek for a time, by the way, in fitness. (17:59) So that's the way I respond is I, it doesn't necessarily inspire me to go like get better or quote unquote, but it's way in some different way. (18:08) Like I'll never answer a question like that.(18:10) That's that changed your character.

Alan Lazaros

(18:12) Makes sense for me. (18:13) It inspired me to aim higher, work harder, get smarter. (18:16) How do you handle your embarrassment?(18:18) That's that's my next level lesson.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:19) My next level lesson is be careful when you go play golf. (18:22) Cause there might be somebody behind the counter who wants to have a little dig at you. (18:25) If you want to pull them over the counter, throw his shirt up over his head and give him a couple of Hadoukens, you shouldn't do it.(18:30) You shouldn't do it. (18:33) All right, cool. (18:34) Next Level Nation.(18:34) We have a private Facebook group. (18:35) It's called Next Level Nation. (18:36) We have the Next Level Dreamliner that will help you get to your goals one day, one habit, one breakthrough at a time.(18:43) And as always, we love you. (18:44) We appreciate you. (18:45) Grateful for each and every one of you.(18:46) And at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. (18:48) We will talk to you all tomorrow. (18:49) Keep it Next Level.(18:51) Next Level Nation. (18:54) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (18:58) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(19:00) We mean it when we say family. (19:02) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:06) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:09) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.