What’s The Difference Between Confidence And Arrogance (2144)

Where confidence stands and ego fades, truth reveals in quiet shades. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan peel back the layers on how confidence and arrogance can look surprisingly similar and why it’s so tricky to tell them apart. They share real moments from their podcast journey, personal growth reflections, and how their personalities shifted as their self-worth evolved. You’ll hear how confidence can feel threatening if you haven’t built your own yet and how to find your authentic voice without being misunderstood.

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Show notes:
(2:30) Evolving from insecure to authentic
(5:01) The sweet spot of vulnerability
(6:51) At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward. https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/NzwOxCMxTDyRJg4CLJS1qg#/registration
(9:40) When confidence becomes quiet
(11:22) Certainty without coming off pretentious
(13:09) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:30 Evolving from insecure to authentic
• 5:01 The sweet spot of vulnerability
• 6:51 At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward.
• 9:40 When confidence becomes quiet
• 11:22 Certainty without coming off pretentious
• 13:09 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I did a podcast pre-call with somebody the other day and I got off thinking to myself, one, I don't know how much I actually like that person. (0:09) Two, are they just really confident or are they arrogant and how can I not tell the difference at this point in my life?

Alan Lazaros

(0:17) As a mathematical thinker, I calculate probabilities, most probable case, best case, worst case, and I speak with a lot of certainty because I have a lot of calculations underneath it. (0:30) Sometimes that can come off arrogant. (0:32) Welcome to Next Level University.(0:35) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:37) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:40) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:46) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:53) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:09) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:15) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:21) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,144. (1:25) It's going to be another quick hitter. (1:26) We're going through it.(1:27) We're dealing with some stuff behind the scenes. (1:29) So we're just trying to make sure we pump out high quality but quick content. (1:32) That's what you're going to get today.(1:34) What's the difference between confidence and arrogance? (1:36) So as you heard in the opener, I did a pre-call with someone the other day and we got along well. (1:43) Do I know this person?(1:44) No, not yet, I don't think. (1:46) I'm sure you will at some point. (1:48) We got along well.(1:49) This person was just really intense, just like a very masculine human who has very masculine principles and beliefs. (1:58) And I got off and I was like, well, we got along really well. (2:01) And I was able to be my full authentic self.(2:05) But I don't know if that person is confident or they're arrogant. (2:09) Because in the past, when somebody had a really high level of confidence, I assumed they were arrogant because I wasn't very confident. (2:17) And now that I'm becoming more confident, I don't know necessarily how to decipher between the two.(2:23) So I thought that could make for a cool episode. (2:25) Again, this all started off as the hyperconscious podcast. (2:28) I feel like this is a hyperconscious topic.(2:30) So let's see what happens.

Alan Lazaros

(2:31) A few episodes ago, Kevin and I talked about what I believe is one of the most important habits I've ever tracked, which is Facebook memory of the day. (2:40) You also can, on Instagram, go to your archive and look at stories from the past as well. (2:44) I still haven't done that.(2:46) So I have a client who didn't use Facebook much. (2:49) And I said, yeah, but you did use Instagram. (2:51) So use Instagram stories.(2:52) There's an archive. (2:53) You can chat GPT this, Google this, it'll show you how to do it. (2:56) But there's an archive of all your Instagram stories.(2:58) It's so powerful to go back. (3:00) But that's a side point. (3:01) The point I'm making with this is that I've been seeing a lot of our clips from the past seven years ago, six years ago, five years ago, four years ago.(3:10) And I'm seeing the progression of Kevin and I's speaking abilities, and our tonality and our confidence levels. (3:19) And one of the clips that I saw in the past, we were interviewing Shana Pelton. (3:23) I think it was 178 or something like that.(3:25) It was in the 100s. (3:26) It was still the hyperconscious days. (3:28) And you were screaming into the microphone.(3:31) And again, he wasn't actually screaming into the mic, but he was bringing the energy. (3:36) And he always opened with a lot of energy. (3:39) And I've actually been on a few podcasts now that do that.(3:44) There's actually one that was amazing that Emilia went on too. (3:48) But I remember when she first opened, I remember thinking, okay, this is going to be a lot to match. (3:54) I don't think I can authentically match this because it's a little performy.(4:00) And maybe that's how other people felt in hindsight. (4:02) But what's your new take on this? (4:04) Episode 178, I think Kevin and I are doing this interesting thing.(4:09) As he becomes more confident, he no longer has to project his voice as much. (4:17) And for me, I think I used to be dialed way down. (4:21) Maybe in some ways, because you were dialed up and I was balancing you out.(4:24) But I think I used to be maybe a little timid or mousy or dimmed, for lack of better phrasing, like a light dimmer. (4:32) And now I'm actually coming up and being a little more intense and a lot more direct, more on BGU than on here, quite frankly. (4:40) But we're both just trying to be our full self.(4:43) And I don't want to come off as arrogant. (4:44) But if I do, it is what it is. (4:47) I don't even know if I know what would come off as arrogant anymore, because I'm just trying to be myself.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:52) Well, that's my take on this now is I don't. (4:55) Just because something comes off as arrogant does not mean the person actually is arrogant. (4:59) It could be a trauma response.(5:00) It could be it could be just the way they react in that situation. (5:05) So it doesn't necessarily mean it. (5:06) You have to see the behavior over time, I think.(5:09) What did you think about you in 178 or those old episodes? (5:13) I was so I was so insecure. (5:16) Honestly, I think I was arrogant to a degree because I thought I knew way more than I did.(5:21) I was I was ignorant. (5:23) I thought I knew way more than I did. (5:25) And I think that that is arrogance.(5:27) It's not necessarily arrogance in practice. (5:29) It's not necessarily a toxic arrogance. (5:31) But I didn't know nearly as much as I thought.(5:33) I think I needed to delude myself into thinking I did in order to do this. (5:36) Or else I don't think I ever would have done it. (5:39) It's hard to have a self-improvement podcast when you humbly say, hey, I don't really feel like I know that much about self-improvement.(5:44) And why are you listening? (5:46) Why are you listening? (5:47) You know, I had a client who I said, you just be vulnerable.(5:52) You got to practice your vulnerability. (5:53) And they they went too far. (5:56) Well, you can't go that far.(5:57) That's too much vulnerability. (5:58) OK, explain that.

Alan Lazaros

(6:01) I mean, there's a strength, vulnerability, sweet spot, competence, vulnerability, sweet spot. (6:09) Kevin, explain this to me. (6:10) Sorry to interrupt you.(6:11) Kevin, explain this to me once. (6:12) He said, Alan, because you are so competent and check so many boxes when you cry on stage, that's actually very powerful because you're not actually vulnerable. (6:24) What you mean by that, correct me if I'm wrong, is.(6:27) OK, when I injured myself and I was on crutches, I injured my groin. (6:32) I remember feeling vulnerable. (6:34) I'm on crutches.(6:35) I'm not as capable. (6:35) I'm not as strong as I was. (6:37) That's an actual vulnerability.(6:39) Like if a bear was chasing me, I'd be fucked straight up. (6:42) I'd be fucked anyway. (6:43) But you know what I'm saying?(6:45) My point is, is there's real vulnerability and then there's emotional vulnerability from a place of strength. (6:50) Go. (6:52) NLU listener, what is happening?(6:54) I just wanted to jump in here and you know, if you want to get to the next level faster, we have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. (7:03) You can connect with like minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. (7:09) The link to register will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:13) So we had somebody in mind. (7:15) This person is just very heart driven, very sweet, very warm, very loving. (7:19) You wouldn't necessarily say they're very gritty.(7:22) That's not the vibe that they give off. (7:24) Them crying all the time is not necessarily them being vulnerable because they're already naturally vulnerable. (7:31) Maybe me as it, uh, it was essentially, it doesn't move the needle as much.(7:36) It's not as contrasting. (7:38) If you've never seen me cry and you tune into episode 1000 and I'm bawling my eyes out, it takes a lot for me to cry. (7:44) That's me being very vulnerable.(7:46) That was the, that was the thought process behind what you and I were talking about. (7:49) That, that makes sense. (7:51) That answer it.(7:52) Yep. (7:52) So I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(7:56) So when you were insecure, it was harder for you to be vulnerable.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:01) If no, I feel like when I was insecure, I felt very comfortable being vulnerable because vulnerability to me has always been strength. (8:09) Even by people who say it's weak, they just say it's weak because they're not strong enough to practice it yet. (8:15) But it does come off weak sometimes.

Alan Lazaros

(8:18) So I think I just assumed it wouldn't and whether or not that's accurate is another question. (8:23) That's fair. (8:23) Yeah.(8:24) I had a client once multimillionaire and she said, Alan, my husband's a surgeon. (8:30) And if he, if you're walking into a surgeon's office with a really intense surgery, he better not be vulnerable and he better come off very competent and very confident. (8:41) James Bond is a, is a fictional example of extreme competence, but there's not a lot of vulnerability from him.(8:49) He seems very emotionless. (8:50) And he says in a casino Royale, which is my favorite one, he's, she says, well, you obviously don't feel very much after, you know, killing those people. (8:59) He said, well, I wouldn't be very good at my job if I did.(9:02) And that, and they're obviously terrible people, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. (9:05) It's a, it's a fucking movie. (9:07) Okay.(9:07) The point that I'm making is there's a competence vulnerability sweet spot that all of us have to hit. (9:14) And I think that for me, vulnerability isn't sharing how this is going to be scary to share. (9:24) This is being vulnerable.(9:25) Me saying that I feel very intelligent, that I feel very capable, that I feel like there's very little that I couldn't do. (9:32) If I really set my mind to, there's certainly things that I'm certain of. (9:35) I feel like that's more vulnerable for me than saying, you know, my calves are as big as I want.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:40) That's why you being louder and being more yourself is vulnerable in me being quiet. (9:45) And I don't have to, I don't, I don't feel like I have to pretend to be anything anymore because I actually am confident finally that we've switched spots kind of, I think, and I think that's the journey.

Alan Lazaros

(9:56) Cause I used to, out of insecurity, I used to mouse up and be more timid and you used to puff up and be more loud.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:05) And now we're finding whatever, whatever you're punished for. (10:08) And again, this is like the simplest form, whatever you're punished for, you're going to avoid. (10:12) So if you get punished because you were the quiet person all the time and you got made fun of, you're probably not going to want to be that forever.(10:17) That's not going to be your final form. (10:19) And if you got punished because you were allowed and you were confident and you were, you had the answers to everything. (10:24) It's like, Hmm, that's not safe.(10:26) I'm not going to do that. (10:27) I'm going to be, and I just think we have traded places in that, but we've had the conversations behind the scenes of like, Kev, I don't know. (10:34) Sometimes I wonder if the way you speak comes off as confidence.(10:38) Like I don't really, I think what's confident about it is I don't care whether it does or not. (10:43) Cause I really feel confident.

Alan Lazaros

(10:45) This is just how I would talk. (10:46) But isn't there a part of the craft of speaking where you got to bring the energy? (10:51) I do bring the energy, just not bring it different.(10:55) Differently depends. (10:56) This isn't me questioning you in real time. (10:58) This is something I'm genuinely because I have the 25 impact points of effective communication.(11:02) Some speakers are really loud. (11:04) Like, again, I'll shout out Eric Thomas. (11:07) I used to listen to some of his stuff.(11:09) I saw an ad come through. (11:11) He's very loud, gregarious, yelling to the mic. (11:14) Yo, it's your man.(11:15) E T like whatever you do, you, man, I'm not trying to be mean. (11:18) It's not me though.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:19) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(11:19) That's not me. (11:20) Can you imagine if I was, you got to find your thing. (11:25) So maybe that's authentic for him.(11:27) It's certainly more authentic for him than it is for me. (11:29) For sure. (11:30) Yo, it's your book.(11:31) Like I couldn't, that's not me. (11:32) So, and I'm trying not to lose myself in this whole thing, but I've been called arrogant my entire life. (11:37) And I think a lot of the reason why is math.(11:41) Like when we, and this is a good example, when Kev found out we were going to have a hundred thousand dollar month this month, he was very excited. (11:51) That was a, that was big. (11:52) And I was much less excited because it was all calculated.(11:56) And so when I speak with certainty, like, let's say next year, we're going to have our first hundred and $50,000 a month. (12:04) Mathematically, I'm already planning on that. (12:06) Does that sound arrogant?

Kevin Palmieri

(12:08) Not to me anymore, but it might've in the past. (12:11) Exactly. (12:11) And so that's, the problem is most people don't get the underneath.(12:14) It's like, well, why, why? (12:16) And how do you know? (12:17) And if I feel like if you unpack it, unpacked it, maybe it would seem less so.

Alan Lazaros

(12:22) It's very hard to unpack. (12:23) That is my new challenge for myself is how do I unpack the entire underneath the iceberg so that it not only can teach people, inspire people, motivate people, but also not come off so pretentious.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:34) It's fair. (12:35) All right. (12:35) We're gonna have to do a part two of this for sure.(12:38) Cause we didn't do enough. (12:39) We didn't do it enough justice. (12:40) We got to go deeper.(12:40) I want to go deeper on this. (12:41) When are we doing the goal setting one? (12:42) Whenever we get our shit together.(12:44) Nice. (12:45) Perfect. (12:45) Respectfully to us.(12:47) So potentially next week or, or never. (12:50) Yeah. (12:51) We're going to do a part two of this because I want to get into, yeah, I want to get into it because I'm sure we've all met someone and we leave thinking like, am I insecure?(13:00) Are they arrogant? (13:00) Are they confident? (13:01) Are they more confident than me?(13:02) Are they less confident? (13:03) So I want to, we'll, we'll do that tomorrow. (13:04) We got to hop cause we're about to get on group coaching right now.(13:07) Shout out to group coaching. (13:08) All right, here we go. (13:08) As always, we love you.(13:09) We appreciate you. (13:10) Grateful. (13:11) Next level dreamliner.(13:12) There you go. (13:13) Grateful for each and every one of you at NLU. (13:15) We don't have fans.(13:15) We have family. (13:16) We'll talk to you all tomorrow. (13:17) Keep it next level.(13:18) Next level nation. (13:21) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (13:25) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(13:28) We mean it when we say family. (13:30) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (13:33) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(13:37) Thank you again. (13:38) And we will talk to you tomorrow.