Confidence VS Arrogance Pt2 (2147)

True strength whispers, ego shouts. In this reflective and powerful episode, Kevin and Alan unpack what makes someone truly confident versus someone who is arrogantly inflated. They reflect on personal moments, past podcast appearances, and how experience changes the way we see ourselves and others. You’ll hear how confidence without competence can backfire, why arrogance often blocks growth, and how self-awareness is the key to staying grounded. If you’ve ever questioned your own energy or someone else’s, this conversation will give you a fresh lens.

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Show notes:
(2:24) Was it confidence or arrogance
(4:59) When insecurity looks like confidence
(7:17) Why real confidence feels quieter
(9:25) At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward. https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/NzwOxCMxTDyRJg4CLJS1qg#/registration
(12:01) Defining arrogance and inflated ego
(15:03) The hidden cost of arrogance
(16:16) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:24 Was it confidence or arrogance
• 4:59 When insecurity looks like confidence
• 7:17 Why real confidence feels quieter
• 9:25 At NLU, your success is our purpose. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month for tools, insight, and the spark to move forward.
• 12:01 Defining arrogance and inflated ego
• 15:03 The hidden cost of arrogance
• 16:16 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) As promised, we are going to do a part two on the confidence versus arrogance, because I didn't really get into the story that I wanted to get into, and I am still curious and uncertain to the answer to this question, so I think it'll make for a good episode.

Alan Lazaros

(0:15) Yeah, how do you understand the difference between who is actually confident inside and who just has a big ego, aka protectors, because they're insecure? (0:25) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:28) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:29) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:33) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:39) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:46) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:01) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:08) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:14) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,147. (1:19) Happy Saturday if you were listening to this on Saturday. (1:21) Confidence versus arrogance, part two.(1:24) So the story that this came from, I was on a podcast as a guest. (1:28) Actually, it was a pre-call. (1:30) And this person was just very, very confident.(1:33) And I could not figure out if it was actual confidence or if it was arrogance. (1:39) And there was a piece of me that wanted to villainize them. (1:42) There was a piece of me that wanted them to like me.(1:44) There was a piece of me that respected their honesty. (1:46) And afterwards, I was shaken a little bit, not in a bad way. (1:50) But I could not figure out, well, if somebody said, was that person confident or arrogant, what would your answer be and why?(1:58) And I am still trying to figure that out in real time. (2:01) Now, this is going to be a quick episode. (2:03) We're going to hit you with a few quick hitters here to end the week and start next week because it's mayhem over here.(2:08) So I just want to call that out. (2:10) But yeah, that's my thought.

Alan Lazaros

(2:12) Did you feel shaken because he or she, he or she, he, he, he shook your belief system and not in a bad way, but in a, in a growth way, or did you feel on some level violated?

Kevin Palmieri

(2:28) No, no, there was no, there was no violation. (2:30) I, it was, I felt like we got along really well. (2:37) Nice.(2:38) At one point he said like, all right, you and I are on the same wavelength and we have very similar beliefs. (2:42) And it was like, so does that mean I'm confident and you're confident? (2:48) Does that mean I'm arrogant now?(2:50) I don't, are you arrogant? (2:51) Am I just insecure? (2:53) I mean, there's so many, there's so many layers to this.(2:55) The question, and this is going to be a thumbnail on YouTube. (2:59) Is this, the thumbnail is, is this my problem? (3:02) But it's, it really is a question of, is this a me problem or is this a them problem or is this a, a collaboration of them combined?(3:11) Is this person actually arrogant? (3:12) Am I just insecure or am I not able to define confidence in action? (3:18) It's a mix of all that.

Alan Lazaros

(3:20) Yeah. (3:20) And are you just under practiced too? (3:22) Because when you are not a practice seasoned podcaster, the insecurity might actually be.(3:32) Okay. (3:33) So let me give an example. (3:34) I watched a video of doing Facebook memory of the day.(3:38) Best habit freaking ever. (3:40) It will mess you up a bit. (3:42) FYI.(3:42) So proceed with caution. (3:43) It's definitely snow globe shaking. (3:47) It shakes you up a bit.(3:49) You just see a lot of stuff from your past and go, okay, interesting. (3:53) And you rewatch the movie of your own life essentially every single day and then reevaluate your existence. (3:58) Seriously.(3:59) But the very first video that I ever created where I offered fitness coaching came up and it's me in front of a whiteboard explaining systems thinking essentially of how to lose weight with the inputs, the outputs, the measure and adjust. (4:19) Cause that's how I went from 160 pounds, skinny, fat, tall, and lanky to basically winning a men's physique fitness show, my class and the overall. (4:28) And I, that transformation was drastic is drastic.(4:32) I mean, two and a half years, it was drastic. (4:34) I gained 60 pounds in six months that to put on tons of muscle and a lot of it was fat. (4:39) And then I cut it down.(4:42) But in the video, it was very clear that I was insecure compared to now, but I think it came off confident to other people. (4:57) I can't tell anymore.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:59) Well, just like, just like insecurity comes off as humility sometimes depending on, or maybe I'll say self-deprecation comes off as humility.

Alan Lazaros

(5:08) Cause when I watched the video, I saw myself now doing it again and it would be way different. (5:15) I started off with, Hey, I only have a minute here, so I got to talk fast. (5:18) And I just, I started go, go, go, go, go.(5:21) Some of that is cause I am confident, but some of that is just me not understanding that other people need pacing. (5:30) Some of that is me just not being a strong speaker and not being well-rounded. (5:34) Some of that is me thinking I need to come off intensely in order to be taken seriously.(5:41) Now, if I were to do that, I'd probably be seen as less confident in a way. (5:46) And I think that's fucking with me a little bit because I'm way more confident now than I was back then, but I think I come off less confident.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:53) Do you think it comes off to other people that way?

Alan Lazaros

(5:55) Or do you think that's just your, I don't know the way that you would see it. (6:01) I I'm having a hard time with that, to be honest. (6:03) I don't know.(6:04) I, I do see other people now and other people think they're confident. (6:11) I can see insecurity all over it. (6:13) So I think the way we see the world is so different than other people, because when you do 2,144 episodes, as of today, you meet so many people.(6:24) I've coached 400 people from all over the world, literally. (6:29) I mean, if I named the countries, I bet you it's at least 50, 60 countries, if not more. (6:34) And so we've met people all over the world.(6:39) And I think that we can see through a lot of stuff that other people can't see. (6:44) And quite frankly, I couldn't see it before either. (6:47) There are people that I thought were, I mean, I used to think you were confident when you were faking confidence until you told me, Hey, by the way, I'm not, not confident, but that was behind closed doors.(6:58) And now I see you on the podcast on episode 178, for example, and you sound so insecure to me because I was. (7:07) Yeah. (7:08) But I don't think anyone else thought that.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:12) I don't know. (7:14) Oh yeah. (7:15) I don't know.(7:16) Right. (7:17) It fucks with me too, because now I am, I am the most confident version of myself here. (7:24) This is the weird thing.(7:26) I am the most confident version of myself that I've ever been. (7:28) And you are seeing me in the thing that I'm most confident doing. (7:32) That's the weird thing is this is like a, this is a silo right now.

Alan Lazaros

(7:38) And you are confident as a man, 10 X, at least by from back then for sure. (7:46) Cause there is levels. (7:47) Confidence is a weird thing because, okay, let's define it.(7:50) What is it? (7:51) It's certainty in, I think there's two types of confidence. (7:55) I think there's certainty in your ability to achieve an outcome.(7:59) And I think that's competence based confidence. (8:03) I am confident that I can articulate things on this podcast. (8:05) It's not going to be perfect, but it's going to be better than most for sure.(8:09) That's one side of confidence. (8:11) The other side is confident in who you are, especially socially. (8:17) I feel like my therapist, Carol said, you're so much more confident now.(8:22) And I remember thinking when, when was I not confident? (8:27) Because I don't feel like I've ever not been confident. (8:30) But when she said this, it blew my mind.(8:32) She said, no, no, no, Alan. (8:33) No, not that confident in who you are. (8:36) And I was like, Oh, a hundred percent.(8:39) Absolutely. (8:40) And here's the fucked up thing because I don't need validation anymore. (8:45) I don't really seek it.(8:47) So I've come off less confident. (8:48) I think, I think you need this to go well. (8:51) I think you come off more confidently, but you also can see through the fucking, you can see through, like, think about it this way.(8:59) On episode 178, you tried to come off confident and you knew it would work. (9:04) Why did you do it if it didn't work?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:07) I don't even know if I was that, if it was that level of awareness. (9:12) I just think I was so insecure that I didn't want to show up as that version. (9:16) So I was like, let me see who else I can be.

Alan Lazaros

(9:19) You now can see through that. (9:22) And so can I, and I can see that all over people all the time now. (9:26) NLU listener, what is happening?(9:28) I just wanted to jump in here and let you know, if you want to get to the next level faster, we have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. (9:37) You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. (9:43) The link to register will be in the show notes.(9:47) But dude, what if that's because we've done this for so long and we've grown so much? (9:52) I bet you there are people back in the day that would hear you. (9:56) There's one person I'm thinking of who made a comment about you being so insecure.(10:00) She was probably more confident than you back then. (10:04) And she could see through you, your insecurity. (10:07) Most people I don't think can.(10:09) And I think that's why you did it. (10:11) Because you have to come off confident.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:13) You have to be level six confident to recognize a level five faking it.

Alan Lazaros

(10:17) Exactly. (10:18) Right.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:18) And I think it's like that with everything.

Alan Lazaros

(10:20) So do I. (10:21) And this is why I sent you the Goodwill Hunting speech at the Academy Awards. (10:25) Because Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, in my opinion, were wildly immature.(10:29) Like the way they behaved on stage is embarrassing, in my opinion. (10:33) But of course, they're kids, dude. (10:35) They were what, fucking 22?(10:37) It would have been worse if I was there, for sure. (10:40) They were like, they were very, if they watch that back, they must be so embarrassed. (10:46) They would be.(10:47) I'm certain they would be. (10:49) But it's understandable because they're kids and they just won an Academy Award. (10:52) And that was their life dream.(10:53) I mean, they achieved their life dream in like four years. (10:56) Right. (10:56) So that's a rare thing.(10:58) You don't write that movie, direct it, get it filmed, have Robin Williams in it, and then get on the Academy Awards stage at 22 years old.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:07) They're anomalies. (11:08) It's so weird how like all it is is just a snapshot of consciousness. (11:13) I know.(11:13) That's all it is. (11:14) Just a snapshot in real time of consciousness. (11:18) And it's, this is never, I mean, has, it's existed, but like three, 200 years ago, I don't know.(11:24) When did people start shooting film? (11:26) I don't know. (11:26) Don't fucking quote me on this.

Alan Lazaros

(11:27) I'm not the guy. (11:27) Early 1900s.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:28) Okay. (11:28) So let's say 1899, they snapped a picture of you. (11:33) Zero representation of what you were like as a person internally.

Alan Lazaros

(11:36) I know, dude, I know.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:37) A great beard, maybe, whatever. (11:38) But that doesn't matter.

Alan Lazaros

(11:40) Sweet beard.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:41) Sweet beard, probably. (11:42) I'm thinking 1899, you're probably rocking a beard. (11:44) Okay.(11:45) We have five minutes. (11:46) What is your definition of confidence and what is your definition of arrogance? (11:50) And how do you know when you see someone that you would label arrogant?

Alan Lazaros

(11:54) They believe they are better than they are. (11:58) They believe they're better than they really are in reality. (12:01) That's arrogance.(12:03) And then the other side of arrogance is what I would call entitled, which is worse in my opinion, which is believing you are superior. (12:10) It's almost like you believe you deserve more than you by default. (12:16) If you work harder and are smarter and make better choices and earn your way to success, you do.(12:21) You've earned it. (12:22) But the people that are born, I don't know, well, I was part of the family. (12:28) I can't even with that.(12:30) Because to me, you're just handed, you just have this scumbag entitlement of I'm great just by default. (12:40) And that's inflated self-worth. (12:41) So I think that also is fucking arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:45) Okay. (12:46) What about you? (12:48) I think it's confidence without competence.(12:51) Yeah, I think it's, it's, I was arrogant when I went to the circus and I thought I could win Taron a teddy bear by throwing a baseball and knocking down milk jugs because I played baseball when I was 16. (13:05) Yeah. (13:06) It's like the uncle Rico.(13:07) I could, I could throw a pigskin clean over those mountains. (13:10) It's like, no, you can't, man. (13:11) You don't have a job and you're, you're, you're kind of a loser now.

Alan Lazaros

(13:15) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:16) You know, you need to go, you need to go seek employment. (13:19) Yeah. (13:19) Not, not tell me how good you were 40 years ago.(13:22) That ain't going to help anybody. (13:23) That's not gonna help anybody. (13:24) I think that's like a little, that lacks self-awareness.(13:27) And I think it's arrogant.

Alan Lazaros

(13:28) One more layer. (13:28) I know we get to go. (13:29) What's the downside of arrogance?(13:31) Because here's the thing. (13:33) I know a lot of arrogant people who get their way. (13:36) The downside is you don't, I think you, you make poor decisions.(13:42) You can socially win, but you can't win in real life. (13:46) So when I was at a shape and I was arrogant about it, you called me out because I believed I was in better shape than I was. (13:54) What's the, there's a pro and a con there.(13:57) The con is I don't feel as confident. (13:59) And now I have to go to that gym in Toronto and feel terrible about myself. (14:03) It's brutal.(14:04) It was terrible. (14:04) That was bad. (14:05) That was bad.(14:07) But the benefit is now in real life, I get to get in better shape. (14:10) Yeah. (14:11) And now I'm in way better shape than not great, but way better than back then.(14:14) And I see photos now. (14:15) And that's why Facebook memories are so important. (14:17) You can see where you were delusional.(14:18) You can see where you were arrogant. (14:20) You can see where you didn't know your value. (14:22) That's the other piece.(14:23) There's certain things I watched some videos, you and I interviewing someone we never should have brother. (14:29) They were not next level. (14:32) This is the next level university podcast.(14:34) And we interviewed some very not next level people. (14:38) That's fair. (14:38) And we did not, I did not know my value.(14:40) That's very clear too. (14:42) And when it's funny, when I was not in shape, I thought I was when I was in shape. (14:46) I didn't think I was what a paradox, right?(14:48) So I think fulfillment comes from being accurate. (14:51) I do.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:52) Well, I think the, the downside or the upside of being arrogant is you feel good in the moment. (14:57) The downside is you don't get good over the distance. (15:00) Well said those.(15:01) I think that's the, because you, you cannot be, it's really hard to be arrogant and open to feedback at the same time.

Alan Lazaros

(15:08) Those are very, very, and on the other side of that, you can be open to too much feedback. (15:13) You can definitely be an ask non next level people how to get next level. (15:16) I spent a lot of years doing that.(15:18) Hey, what do you think I should do?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:20) Don't fucking ask that person. (15:22) My goodness. (15:23) All right.(15:24) If you are a podcaster who is looking for feedback and you're looking to improve and you want to grow and you want to scale and you want to monetize your podcast, and maybe you want to get to the place where you do this full time. (15:32) Like we do our 20th round. (15:36) Our 20th round of the next level podcast accelerator is starting.(15:40) I don't know, probably like two months from today. (15:43) I'm on it. (15:43) Okay.(15:44) The landing page will be in the show notes and it is up. (15:47) So we already have a bunch of people interested. (15:49) It's going to, this is going to sell out and fill faster than anyone has in the, in the past.(15:54) So make sure you get your spot.

Alan Lazaros

(15:56) October 7th, Tuesday, 67 days from now, we are going lock your spot. (16:02) Now we literally have 12 people who asked to be reached out to for this. (16:08) So we have 12 verbal yeses.(16:09) So just reach out now, please. (16:10) And it's first come first serve. (16:12) So as soon as you lock your spot, you're good.(16:13) We take 10 every quarter. (16:15) Boom.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:15) All right. (16:16) As always, we love you. (16:17) We appreciate you.(16:18) We are grateful for each and every one of you. (16:19) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you join us tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(16:28) Keep reaching for your full potential. (16:31) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:34) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (16:38) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(16:40) We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (16:46) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (16:49) Thank you again.(16:50) And we will talk to you tomorrow.