This Is The Biggest Reason People Quit (2163)

Why do so many people quit before they see success? In this episode, Kevin and Alan break down the real reason people stop short. Through honest stories of failure, rejection, and resilience, they reveal why confidence is the foundation of growth and how to build it step by step. From learning through small “micro-failures” to knowing when to trust yourself over others and when to stop pushing too hard too fast, this episode offers clear, relatable advice to help you move forward without feeling overwhelmed.

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📔Next Level Dreamliner is a productivity journal designed to help break down dreams into goals, milestones, and daily habits. Grab your copy 👉  https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt

Free 30-minute Business Breakthrough Session with Alan -https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-free-breakthrough-session?month=2025-04
Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin -https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email 💬
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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:17) Facing rejection and micro-failures
(4:31) How belief shapes growth
(7:24) The danger of only aiming big
(9:40) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(11:09) Self-belief as the ultimate superpower
(14:01) Trusting yourself Vs. Trusting others
(17:37) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:17 Facing rejection and micro-failures
• 4:31 How belief shapes growth
• 7:24 The danger of only aiming big
• 9:40 Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:
• 11:09 Self-belief as the ultimate superpower
• 14:01 Trusting yourself Vs. Trusting others
• 17:37 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) So many of the pieces of advice I was given early on, I thought were just dumb, and they just didn't make any sense to me. (0:08) But as I believe in myself more, I realize if I had those sooner, I'd be way more successful than I am right now.

Alan Lazaros

(0:14) Every single thing I've ever said in a speech podcast coaching session, I now need to filter through the other person's level of self-belief. (0:23) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:26) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:28) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:31) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:37) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:44) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:00) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:06) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:12) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,163. (1:17) This is the biggest reason people quit. (1:20) Alan and I were talking the other day, and I don't know if, you know, we had this episode before, we were talking in one of the previous episodes about how, essentially, I have had a big L every single day for the last eight years, to some degree.(1:35) Not everyone is cry-yourself-to-bed, not everyone is question-everything, but getting rejected, losing clients, just questioning life, right? (1:45) That's a piece of it. (1:47) And so much of the advice I would hear in the beginning from people in personal development was, every no is one closer to a yes.(1:56) Like, that's dumb. (1:57) Stupid. (1:57) Dumb.(1:58) I don't even... (1:59) That's dumb. (2:00) I think it's dumb as shit.

Alan Lazaros

(2:02) Other stuff of... (2:05) Go ahead. (2:06) What are all the things that you heard back then that you thought were dumb, that now you kind of understand what they were saying?

Kevin Palmieri

(2:15) Every yes is on the other side of a rejection. (2:17) That, failures... (2:22) So, anything along the lines of, if you get comfortable with failure, you'll get comfortable with success, because it's on the other side.(2:29) Anything like that, anything that is suggesting that you're going to have to do the opposite of what you want to do in order to get what you want. (2:36) Nice. (2:37) Now that makes total sense.(2:41) And, when I am giving advice on this, I always try to start from a place of, I know if you're out there, you probably are terrified of rejection. (2:51) I'm not going to tell you to go get rejected a hundred times. (2:54) I think it's dumb as shit.(2:55) What I will tell you to do is find a way to get micro-rejected. (3:00) Whatever that means. (3:01) It doesn't have to be, go ask your dream partner out in front of a hundred people and see what happens.(3:06) Let it ride. (3:07) I'm not saying that. (3:08) I'm saying, ask the waiter if they have, you know, whatever.(3:13) Go to McDonald's and ask for a special menu item. (3:15) Yeah, do you have the Incredible Hulk Burger? (3:17) They might not be nice, because sometimes they're not, but something like that.(3:22) I don't want you to go get rejected with the highest of stakes. (3:25) I try to break it up into a micro thing now.

Alan Lazaros

(3:28) Well, this all is predicated on where someone is in their personal development. (3:34) I had a tough interview earlier. (3:35) We talked off air about it.(3:37) I don't even think anyone else would even notice. (3:42) And I talked to you about it. (3:45) I'm trying to get 0.1% better. (3:49) So, that huge L we took in that training, where I was basically laughed off stage in the walk of shame. (3:56) Bad. (3:56) I think that was good for me.(4:00) I do. (4:01) I think that you have to... (4:03) Who was it better for?(4:04) You or for me? (4:06) I think it's good for you too. (4:07) But who's it better for?(4:09) Me. (4:10) Why? (4:13) Because my response to pain and failure is very constructive.(4:20) Who do you think it affected more? (4:23) Me. (4:24) But you also were kind of hiding in the corner.(4:26) Yeah, I think... (4:28) How much did it affect you? (4:29) I have no idea.(4:30) I have no idea.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:31) Devastating. (4:32) It was bad? (4:33) Oh, it was devastating.(4:34) This is nightmare shit. (4:37) This is a dream where you're naked standing in front of... (4:41) You've never read stories.(4:41) Now, at the time, I was trying to disappear. (4:46) How do I dissolve into the background here? (4:48) Yeah.(4:48) That was terrible.

Alan Lazaros

(4:49) Okay, well, challenge skill, sweet spot. (4:52) We've talked about it. (4:53) Self-belief.(4:53) Okay, if you have level four self-belief, you need level five failure.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:59) That's why I think it was harder than you think for me, and it was more constructive for you than me, because that was a level 10 failure. (5:08) Yeah, it was.

Alan Lazaros

(5:09) I mean, you go... (5:10) Not the whole day, though. (5:11) The whole day was probably like a six.(5:14) No, but I... (5:14) A six failure.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:15) See, for me, the rest of the day was... (5:16) I didn't think it was a failure at all. (5:18) It's one of my favorite days of all time.

Alan Lazaros

(5:19) I learned so much.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:20) I hated the evening portion, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(5:23) Okay, that principle. (5:25) If you have level one self-belief, you need a level two failure.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:29) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(5:30) To grow.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:31) Yeah, and that's what we're talking about. (5:32) You need to shoot for a level two goal, and then have a level two failure. (5:34) That's what we're talking about today.(5:35) The biggest reason people quit is self-belief. (5:37) If you knew you would win if you just kept going, you would never quit, unless it became misaligned. (5:44) Nice.(5:45) Unless it became misaligned. (5:47) Nice. (5:48) But that is my theory on everything.(5:50) If you have level four confidence, you set a level five goal. (5:54) If you have level four confidence, you are willing to face down level five rejection. (5:58) If you have level four self-worth, you need to set a level five boundary.(6:03) I think everything is ... (6:06) If you could run four miles, your next challenge is five. (6:09) Nice.(6:10) Twelve, five. (6:12) Unless you're Alan. (6:15) Twenty-six.(6:18) That's just not the way it should go. (6:20) You just shouldn't run a marathon on a whim, most likely.

Alan Lazaros

(6:23) I remember, shout out to you if you're listening, I was coaching someone six years ago, and she said, Alan, I've never really failed that much of anything. (6:33) Back then, now I understand more deeply. (6:37) I said, that's awful.(6:39) That's terrible for you. (6:41) She's like, well, I pretty much get every job I apply for. (6:47) She said this, I don't try something unless I'm certain it's going to work out.(6:51) I said, that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. (6:53) In my head, I don't think I said that to you, if you're listening. (6:56) I didn't say that out loud.(6:57) Maybe I did. (6:59) But that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. (7:01) I don't try something unless I'm certain it's going to work out.(7:03) Well, by that rationale, you don't do much then. (7:08) You're supposed to shoot for something beyond what you're currently capable of. (7:12) You are screwed if you're not doing that.(7:14) I agree. (7:16) But you shouldn't shoot so far that it destroys you.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:21) Yeah. (7:22) Yeah, that. (7:24) But it's hard.(7:24) That's a hard thing, because that, number one, that is not the type of content that wins. (7:30) So you're never seeing that. (7:32) You're never going to see a viral video of somebody that says, set smaller goals.(7:37) And just set them smaller. (7:39) That's a good point. (7:40) That's a great point.(7:41) Right? (7:42) Like, who are the most successful motivational speakers in the world? (7:45) What do they say?

Alan Lazaros

(7:47) They say, Shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:50) Or they say, why would you ever be realistic? (7:53) Dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. (7:55) Sir Will Smith.(7:56) And first of all, Will, if you're listening, stop rapping. (7:59) Stop rapping, please.

Alan Lazaros

(8:00) You don't need to do this. (8:01) He's actually successful. (8:03) And again, I'm not necessarily a fan.(8:05) So it is what it is. (8:06) But there's something to both sides. (8:09) There is.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:10) Easy for you to say.

Alan Lazaros

(8:11) You have to shoot beyond. (8:13) You have to.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:14) Yeah, but that's dumb as shit. (8:18) It is dumb. (8:19) Why would you be realistic about anything, sir?

Alan Lazaros

(8:23) Sir, because not everybody has the same self-belief that you do. (8:29) Where did his self-belief come from, though? (8:31) This is an interesting conversation.(8:33) I had a really hard conversation with Emilia behind the scenes years ago. (8:36) And I said, what if? (8:38) And we're thinking of a specific person.(8:40) We'll call her Jane Doe. (8:41) Okay, what if Jane Doe actually believes in herself the right amount? (8:45) And what if we believe in her more than we should?(8:47) Because we don't understand her capabilities. (8:52) Facts. (8:52) And Emilia was like, Oh, Emilia and I believe in people so much.(9:00) But I think some of that is because we believe in ourselves so much. (9:05) And one of my clients in RTC, Relationship Talks Coaching, said, you guys are fucking delusional talking to Emilia and I. (9:13) You guys have no idea how hard it is to be me.(9:15) You guys are fucking geniuses. (9:17) You have no fucking idea what it's like. (9:19) And we were so confused.(9:23) And she said, okay, name me something that you don't think you could accomplish if you wanted to. (9:31) And we both just sat there. (9:34) It's like, well, it depends.(9:35) How much time do we have? (9:37) And she said, see? (9:40) Hello, hello, hello, NLU listener.(9:43) Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. (9:46) Real quick, I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. (9:49) This is a journal that I use every single day.(9:53) Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. (9:56) It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones, and daily habits. (10:02) We hope you enjoy it.(10:03) The link will be in the show notes. (10:06) I look at Emilia. (10:07) Emilia looks at me.(10:08) There's a lot that we feel we could do. (10:12) There's very little that I don't feel like I could accomplish if I really set my... (10:15) Now, here's the deal.(10:17) I'd have to reorient my entire existence around it. (10:20) I'm not saying I'm going to, like, set a goal and go to the beach. (10:23) But there's very little that I don't feel like I could do if I wanted to re-optimize my entire life around it.(10:30) And Emilia has really high self-belief. (10:32) You know that. (10:32) You've coached her.(10:33) You've been around her. (10:34) Same with me. (10:34) I think that's one of the reasons we get along so well.(10:37) This woman, there's never a doubt. (10:40) She's never like, oh, I don't know. (10:42) I don't know.(10:42) I don't know. (10:43) If anything, it's, honey, we can't do these 80 things this Sunday. (10:46) I want to fucking enjoy the day a little bit.(10:51) That's these people that... (10:54) You and I talked about this in the last episode. (10:56) I know we gotta go.(10:57) What's the one thing... (10:59) I wrote this with a client recently on Zoom. (11:01) What's the one thing all very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very successful people have in common?(11:09) And I wrote undying self-belief. (11:13) Why? (11:14) Because when you believe in yourself, you try.(11:16) When you try, you fail. (11:18) You fail, you get more lessons. (11:19) When you get more lessons, you make better choices, and then you believe in yourself even more.(11:24) If you could give someone a superpower, it would be self-belief. (11:28) But where does it come from? (11:31) What if you believe in yourself in squatting really well because you are naturally gifted in squatting?(11:38) What if I believe in myself a lot academically, and I believed I could get straight A's because I was naturally gifted academically? (11:44) Where does it come from? (11:45) People are like, well, your mom must have really believed in you.(11:47) I guess. (11:48) I don't know, man. (11:50) Certainly not once I started doing business and all that.(11:53) If anything, I was doubted six ways to Tuesday. (11:56) So these people that have belief, we get doubted more than people who don't have belief. (12:00) And that person who said, hey, I've never really tried and failed, I said, well, then you're obviously not trying enough.(12:06) But if all you ever do are failing, then maybe you're shooting higher than what your genetically or quantum abilities will allow.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:14) I think the hard part is when you're good at something, you do it, which reinforces that you're good. (12:18) And then you get good at it and better at it, and you get comfortable at it. (12:21) And then that becomes for a lot of people like a crutch.(12:25) That becomes a crutch. (12:26) For me, I said this at the very beginning when you and I started working together. (12:29) I feel like Superman in the gym, and I feel like Clark Kent outside of the gym.

Alan Lazaros

(12:34) I felt really good at the gym. (12:36) In hindsight, you know why that is, though. (12:38) So unpack for us why that is.(12:40) You weren't building skills outside the gym.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:42) State-proved self-assigned. (12:44) I stated that I was going to go to the gym and lift weights. (12:47) I proved to myself that I could do it.(12:48) I self-assigned. (12:49) Wow, I did that. (12:50) Okay, I've done that for five years.(12:52) Okay, I've done that for 10 years. (12:54) Okay, I'm going to do a bodybuilding show. (12:56) Okay, I did that.(12:57) I'm going to do a photo shoot. (12:59) It's going to look really good. (13:00) Okay, I did that.(13:01) I'm going to do the 10-pound in 10 weeks challenge. (13:03) Yeah, that wasn't that bad. (13:04) I could do that again.(13:05) And now you have self-belief in that. (13:07) That's it.

Alan Lazaros

(13:08) And every time you knew you could do it? (13:12) Because it was stacked on previous things? (13:14) No, no.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:15) I did not think I could do a bodybuilding show.

Alan Lazaros

(13:18) So someone else came to you and said you would crush it? (13:21) And then I found a coach. (13:23) And then he said the same thing?(13:25) Yeah. (13:26) What did he say? (13:27) Did he say, yeah, you can do this for sure?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:29) He said, yeah, he said you can do really good at this. (13:33) Did he say you could win? (13:35) Yes.

Alan Lazaros

(13:36) Yeah. (13:36) Nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:37) And would you have done it otherwise? (13:39) I probably would have done it. (13:40) I don't think I would have been as committed, maybe.(13:43) I don't know. (13:44) I wanted to win.

Alan Lazaros

(13:46) Brother, I don't think this is for you.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:47) I would have done it.

Alan Lazaros

(13:49) Do you know how many people came to me and said that shit? (13:54) I wouldn't have done it. (13:55) I would have done something else.(13:56) How does someone know? (13:57) Last question, I know you got to go. (13:58) How does someone know if they should trust themselves or others?(14:01) If I trusted other people, none of this would have happened. (14:04) Do you know how many people said this was the dumbest shit? (14:07) Starting a podcast?(14:09) Yeah, I got some of that as well. (14:10) Not as much as you, but some of it for sure. (14:12) I got so much.(14:13) I got made fun of so much, dude. (14:15) Way more than they say to my face, but some of it came to my face. (14:18) And then I learned about the rest of it through the grapevine.(14:21) But dude, if I listened to other people, none of this would have happened.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:26) Yeah, but you know, the interesting thing is because they believed in you less than you believed in yourself. (14:30) I had a lot of people tell me I should do things because they believed in me more than I believed in myself. (14:34) That's why it's so fucked up.(14:37) That's that's why it's so wonky. (14:40) Because you don't believe in yourself. (14:41) So who do we trust?(14:43) I don't know. (14:43) We're gonna do a part two for sure on this. (14:45) Love it.(14:45) Because this is we talk a lot and we have talked so many times about self-belief, but I think we're really starting to understand how much you actually have.

Alan Lazaros

(14:54) And we've never talked about other people believing in you more or less than you believe in you. (15:00) And who to trust. (15:00) Because I had to trust me.(15:02) I regret not applying to MIT because my guidance counselor said I wouldn't get in. (15:06) That was horseshit.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:07) I had panic attacks because you believed in me more than I believed in myself. (15:11) And you and I don't regret that. (15:13) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(15:13) I'm grateful you don't regret it. (15:15) But what if I believed in you more than I should have? (15:17) You probably did because I had no awareness of how far behind you were in development and you were hiding that too.(15:26) So it's a whole thing. (15:26) That's fair.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:27) When something becomes normal to you, you wonder why it's not normal for everybody else. (15:32) Yeah, it's very tough. (15:33) Like the whole squatting thing.(15:35) I'm good at squatting. (15:37) Statistically far above average. (15:39) But it also doesn't surprise me when other people aren't.(15:43) I don't know why. (15:46) I don't expect people to be good.

Alan Lazaros

(15:48) Maybe because I've taught people how to squat. (15:50) No, I think it's because that's your baseline. (15:52) I think you're always comparing where you fit on the bell curve.(15:57) I don't think you're comparing to your potential. (15:59) You're great at squatting, but nothing compared to what you could be. (16:04) What if I'm closer to my potential in squatting than you are?(16:08) I have giraffe legs. (16:09) You have no clue what that's like.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:11) That's fair.

Alan Lazaros

(16:11) It's not close, dude. (16:13) You're short. (16:13) It's a huge advantage in squatting.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:15) I understand. (16:15) I understand. (16:16) Now, I will still say the strongest squatters ever of all time are six- They're 6'4", but 350 pounds.(16:22) And above. (16:22) Okay, fair. (16:23) Ryan Shaw is 6'8".(16:24) And how much does he weigh? (16:26) I think I have like 420, 450. (16:29) Does he have tall, lanky legs?(16:31) I wouldn't say lanky, but he is a physical giant. (16:36) All right. (16:36) Also seems like maybe the nicest person ever of all time.(16:39) I don't know. (16:39) I've never met him, but I'd love to meet him. (16:42) I'd love to meet him.(16:42) All right, we gotta go because I have a wedding thing to go to. (16:46) And Alan and I, again, we found a way to- We had an hour and a half to record. (16:53) We found a way to bullshit for an hour and a half and then record- Not bullshit.(16:56) Positive bullshit. (16:57) Thank you. (16:58) Positive bullshit.

Alan Lazaros

(16:59) Mastermind.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:00) A mastermind. (17:00) Yeah. (17:01) We're going to do a part two on this and we'll dive deeper into it because there are many, many layers of this.(17:04) And I feel like I want to make sure we do the layers justice.

Alan Lazaros

(17:08) You dig? (17:09) We will never be wasting anyone's time talking about self-belief. (17:15) It is the most important success principle on planet Earth.(17:18) For sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:18) For sure.

Alan Lazaros

(17:19) Next level dreamliner. (17:20) Do it. (17:21) Reverse engineer your goals and dreams.(17:23) Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. (17:25) The link will be in the show notes. (17:26) It's on Amazon.(17:27) It's less than 30 bucks. (17:28) Boom, boom, boom. (17:29) It will make you far more productive, I promise.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:31) And hopefully it'll help you believe in yourself because you can state prove self-assigned. (17:34) I'm going to journal. (17:35) I'm going to do this.(17:35) All right. (17:37) As always, we love you. (17:38) We appreciate you.(17:39) Grateful for each and every one of you. (17:40) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will literally be here every single day to help you do it. (17:49) Keep reaching for your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(17:51) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:54) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (17:58) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(18:01) We mean it when we say family. (18:03) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:06) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(18:09) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.