Your Standards Change Long Before Your Results Do (2190)

In this episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros share why raising your standards is the key to lasting success. From fitness to business, they reveal how ego, excuses, and complacency hold you back and what it really takes to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Don’t miss this episode.

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Show notes:
(3:20) When behavior drops below your standards
(7:45) Overwhelm, priorities, and letting standards slip
(10:59) Results are a lagging indicator of standards
(16:26) Why satisfaction without growth is dangerous
(26:00) Don’t lower the standard, change behavior
(30:52) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 3:20 When behavior drops below your standards
• 7:45 Overwhelm, priorities, and letting standards slip
• 10:59 Results are a lagging indicator of standards
• 16:26 Why satisfaction without growth is dangerous
• 26:00 Don’t lower the standard, change behavior
• 30:52 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) If you want to change your results, you most likely have to change something about yourself or your approach or the things that we talked about in the previous episode, but that all starts with your standards. (0:10) Starbucks is different than Dunkin Donuts. (0:12) They have different standards.(0:13) McDonald's and Burger King is different than Five Guys. (0:15) They have different standards. (0:17) I am now hungry.

Alan Lazaros

(0:19) Standards come first. (0:21) Results come second. (0:23) The person with the highest standards is often the biggest pain in the ass.(0:28) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:31) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:33) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:36) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:42) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:49) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:05) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:11) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:17) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2,190, I was laughing because I thought you had lost yourself completely. (1:24) Maybe you did. (1:25) Did you lose yourself completely?(1:26) No. (1:26) That was a powerful pause, good sir. (1:29) Okay, I just want to make sure.(1:30) Your standards change long before your results do. (1:35) One of the reasons I have such a big gripe for so much of the stuff I see on social media is it does not suggest at all that you have to change your standards or yourself or the process or your knowledge or your awareness or whatever it is, your productivity. (1:47) And at the end of the day, the reason I am in better shape now than I was two years ago is because I realized I wasn't living up to my standards and my standards, I changed my standards again.(2:03) Go ahead.

Alan Lazaros

(2:04) Love it. (2:04) So, we talked about this on a few episodes ago, which I think is a sentence. (2:12) Post-COVID, COVID happens, gyms close.(2:17) I'm very sad. (2:19) I gather all the weights that I possibly can. (2:21) I'm working out in my bedroom and I'm doing chin-ups in one of those doorway chin-up bars.(2:30) So, I playfully joke, I'm over here doing chin-ups in my fucking closet while Kevin sits on the couch and eats. (2:36) And I said, this is next level you, not dad bod you. (2:39) And I was being playful, but I was also giving Kev a little kick in the fucking ass.(2:48) And you were out of the gym for three or four months and you seemed totally cool with it. (2:56) That scared the hell out of me. (2:58) Now, the reason why is because we are warriors.(3:02) We together, I mean, we were in the gym. (3:05) That's where this started, baby. (3:06) This started in the gym.(3:07) This whole fucking company started in the gym. (3:10) And I was like, we are losing ourselves. (3:12) And we were, by the way, 100%.(3:14) In hindsight, how much were we losing ourselves? (3:15) For sure. (3:16) 100%.(3:16) Yeah. (3:17) Your standards, I just saw them plummeting. (3:20) And here's the thing.(3:21) There's one thing. (3:24) There's one thing when your results dip below your standards, you're supposed to be uncomfortable. (3:36) What I've found, and we've talked about this before, we coach on this in group coaching.(3:40) We used to. (3:42) You can change your perception or you can change your behavior. (3:47) AKA, you can tell yourself a new story or you can actually change your behavior.(3:52) Let me give you an example. (3:54) All right. (3:55) I'll give you an actual real life example right now.(3:58) Okay. (3:58) I've been watching the show and I'm getting a little bit of a double chin. (4:04) Just a little.(4:05) It's not terrible, but it's there. (4:08) Now, I'm in fitness. (4:12) I know how to lose weight if I want to.(4:14) I am purposely gaining weight. (4:16) I'm going to get to 210, I think. (4:18) 210 for me is on the fat side.(4:21) Six foot two, 210 pounds, mostly muscle, a lot of fat. (4:26) I want to push it to 210 and see how strong I can get and how much muscle I can build. (4:30) Because I'm not getting any younger and it gets harder to build muscle over time, especially naturally.(4:34) And I refuse to use any synthetic hormones. (4:37) The point that I'm making though, is that it is dropping below my standards and I can see it. (4:44) Now, seeing my second chin on 115 inch projector is not nice for me.(4:50) But if you want to get to the next level, you got to risk the current level. (4:53) So we did 10 pounds in 10 week challenge. (4:55) I was feeling pretty lean, feeling pretty good.(4:57) And again, I wasn't that lean, but I was feeling good. (5:02) I now have to dip below my own aesthetic standards in order to play the game and win in the long run. (5:09) And that is a good lesson, I think right out of the gate.(5:12) Now I can tell myself a new story and be like, Oh no, I don't really, I mean, that's not that fat. (5:16) It's not a big deal. (5:17) Like everyone has a double chin.(5:19) That's not true. (5:20) You are gaining weight, Alan, and you know it and it's on purpose and you hate it. (5:24) It is what it is.(5:25) Own it. (5:26) And it's what's fucking necessary to achieve your goals. (5:30) So I think most people tell themselves a new story whenever they dip below their standards, AKA they lower their standards, lower their standards, lower their standards.(5:40) I try to hold the bar, hold the line, hold the standard, and then temporarily dip below it so that you can win long term. (5:49) Back when you were out of the gym for four months, I saw your standards not only dipping, but you were also okay with it, which freaked me out. (5:58) And I want to hear your take.(6:04) Honest take in hindsight.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:06) I think I was right in retrospect. (6:10) I knew I wasn't going to go lift rocks in the woods. (6:14) I knew I wasn't going to run.(6:15) And I said, I'm just going to turn this off until it becomes an option again. (6:19) How do you turn it off, man? (6:20) How did that not bother you?(6:24) Yes, there's always something you can do. (6:25) There was something I could do about it, but I knew I wasn't going to. (6:29) It's not worth it.(6:30) I'm not going to go for a fucking run. (6:32) What are we doing here? (6:32) I'm a bodybuilder.(6:33) If I can't lift heavy weight, I'm not going to work out. (6:36) It is what it is. (6:37) And I definitely, when I look back, I got a little chunk.(6:40) I did. (6:40) All right, real quick. (6:41) So where was your standards versus your results?

Alan Lazaros

(6:45) Oh, man. (6:47) How do you measure it? (6:48) Standards were- Did you let your standards go at all?(6:50) Yeah. (6:51) Let's say your standards were a 10 out of 10 when we met. (6:54) No, I let them go, yeah.(6:55) All right. (6:55) What do they drop to? (6:56) What's the lowest you got?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:57) I don't even know if I set. (6:59) It was just like whatever it gets to before I go back to the gym.

Alan Lazaros

(7:02) Yeah, I know. (7:03) In hindsight, I'm asking you in hindsight. (7:05) This version of Kevin, not back then.(7:06) Six. (7:07) Probably six. (7:08) Okay.(7:08) You let it drop to a six?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:09) Yeah, I would say so.

Alan Lazaros

(7:10) Okay. (7:12) What's it now?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:18) My standard for fitness? (7:21) Probably eight and a half, I'd say. (7:25) Okay.(7:25) Look at his face.

Alan Lazaros

(7:26) I love it. (7:27) I love this conversation.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:28) So the reason is it changes- Going up or down? (7:30) Up. (7:31) It changes quick.(7:33) Again, I get overwhelmed and my pattern is when I get overwhelmed, I retreat to certainty and I don't want to go. (7:45) The truth is when I get overwhelmed, that time does not seem as valuable spent at the gym as it does in the office. (7:51) That's why I don't work out.(7:53) Yeah. (7:53) And again, I'm not- No, no. (7:55) I know.(7:56) I'm just saying that's a new awareness for me is sometimes when one of the standards, when one of the results in my life exceeds the standard and I have to find a way to continue that and I have to raise the standard there, I let one of the other standards fall, unfortunately. (8:16) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(8:18) The premise of this episode is that your standards must come first, results come second. (8:25) I think results lag behind standards. (8:28) So if my standards for fitness are a nine, I might still be a six headed toward nine.(8:37) Okay. (8:38) I don't think results ever exceed standards unless you go viral or some unexpected lucky thing. (8:47) The higher your goals are- Okay.(8:49) I'm going to break this down quickly, engineering brain. (8:52) The higher your awareness is of yourself, others in the world, the more that you can see, the more potential you can see. (9:04) Remember how you said you used to only be able to see like a week out?(9:07) Now you can see a couple of months out. (9:09) So you can see more than you used to be able to see, right? (9:13) Okay.(9:13) So Kev can see more. (9:15) He's more aware of himself, others in the world. (9:17) Step one.(9:18) Therefore he can see things other people can't see. (9:22) He can see things little Kevin couldn't see or younger Kevin couldn't see. (9:25) Okay.(9:26) So you believe in future potentials that younger Kevin didn't believe in. (9:30) Okay, cool. (9:32) Therefore you set, you have a bigger vision than you used to have.(9:36) Now you set goals based on that vision that are bigger than the goals you used to have. (9:42) Now you have to have a higher standard in the moment. (9:45) When I opened the episode, I said the person with the highest standards is the biggest pain in the ass.(9:49) The person with the highest vision for the future has to have the highest standards in the present. (9:59) People used to say, you're in such good shape. (10:01) How the hell did you do that?(10:02) When I was winning, when I won a bodybuilding show, uh, men's physique show, I said, I'm not even close to where I want to be. (10:11) The only reason I'm in this shape is because I'm on the way to that. (10:14) And then I would show my dream physique.(10:18) Explain all that.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:22) Your results are a lagging indicator of your standards. (10:28) And you may never actually get to your standards, but the higher your standards are, the more, the higher quality your results will be. (10:37) Essentially.(10:38) I think it's just that it's like, uh, yeah, it's, it's just the, the byproduct, the byproduct of the goal dictates the result.

Alan Lazaros

(10:47) No, this is why, this is why I think, this is why I think people wonder, why are you so dissatisfied all the time? (11:00) Because I have to raise my standards. (11:03) So for example, real in real time, I, I feel like I'm below my own standard in body fat percentage, but that doesn't mean I'm fatter than other people.(11:14) It's only fatter than my standard.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:17) Well, it's compared to your standard, not that nothing else is not compared to anything else compared to exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(11:21) So where you are, I have a double chin. (11:25) I don't want anyone to say, oh, well that means you're fat. (11:28) It's like, no, I, yeah.(11:31) Right. (11:31) And again, I don't care if you think that anyway, whatever, that's fine. (11:34) My point is, is how do we teach this in a way where our listeners win their own game instead of you have to set your, we've had, this has happened a lot when Alan and I talk about ourselves, people are like, oh, you shouldn't say that about yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:50) You're in really good shape. (11:51) Thank you. (11:53) And yeah, it doesn't, this is, I get to say whatever I want about myself.(11:56) It's my standard. (11:57) It's my standard. (11:58) I, this, I can do better.(11:59) I know I can do better. (12:01) I'm not putting that standard on you. (12:03) Your standard is your standard.(12:04) It's up to you to set the proper standard and hold the line on the standard because that's, what's going to elevate you. (12:11) So I think it's, it's that.

Alan Lazaros

(12:14) I think next level university is, it's almost like set a higher standard than, than what you currently have, then risk the current level to go to the next level. (12:24) Next level university might as well be raise your fucking standards.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:29) Well, every time, every time, I think you said this, every time you want to get to the next level, you have to raise your standards to the next level first. (12:37) I think that's just, that's just all it is.

Alan Lazaros

(12:39) Satisfied on the current level, complacent. (12:41) I'll use complacent. (12:42) You can't be complacent on the current level and raise your standard.(12:46) We used to talk about grateful dissatisfaction. (12:52) We used to talk about ambition versus fulfillment. (12:58) You just asked me on the last episode, success or fulfillment.(13:01) I think the reason I said success is because I don't like having low standards. (13:06) I would rather have high standards and suck than have low standards and win.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:13) I would say that's fair. (13:14) I like grateful ambition is what I like. (13:19) I'm not dissatisfied.(13:21) Not like you, I'm not.

Alan Lazaros

(13:22) That's why I said complacent. (13:23) I think complacent is a better.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:25) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:25) Are you complacent?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:26) No. (13:27) Nice. (13:28) No, but I like grateful.(13:30) I like grateful ambition or grateful, even grateful ambition. (13:35) I'm grateful for everything we have and I'm ambitious to go get the things that I don't have yet, but I want. (13:41) I think I'm the opposite.(13:43) I think you are the opposite. (13:44) I think I'm ambition first and grateful second. (13:46) But even, I don't even know if you're, I think it is dissatisfaction for you.(13:51) And I'm not making that wrong. (13:52) That never resonated with me. (13:53) When we first heard that from someone, it was.(13:55) What are you trying to say? (13:56) I'm kidding. (13:57) I'm joking.(13:59) What was it? (14:00) It was, it wasn't grateful dissatisfaction. (14:03) Was it?(14:04) Was it something else? (14:04) No, it was, it was Ed Milet. (14:06) And I think it was, I forget.

Alan Lazaros

(14:09) I honestly forget.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:09) I don't know. (14:10) I just remember. (14:10) I haven't listened to him in years.(14:12) Same. (14:13) I just remember hearing it and saying, I'm not dissatisfied. (14:17) I'm not dissatisfied.(14:18) I'm, if anything, I'm satisfied. (14:20) I'm happy. (14:20) I'm, I'm grateful.(14:21) I'm, I'm. (14:22) That doesn't mean for me. (14:23) I've surprised myself in many ways.(14:25) And I'm not resting on that. (14:28) My standards are still, I wonder if that's what it is. (14:31) Okay.(14:31) This is what happens. (14:35) My, my quote unquote results actually are beyond my standards. (14:43) Because they're based on your standards, not mine.(14:46) Then when we get there, I'm so happy. (14:49) It's like, oh, this is fucking awesome. (14:51) Then I have to raise my standards.(14:53) I'm grateful first. (14:54) And then I have to make sure my standards raise to the next level. (14:57) I just think I'm, I'm going to use.(14:59) Syntax is different. (15:00) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(15:00) For me, I'm dissatisfied in advance. (15:02) Right. (15:03) So that I raised the bar.(15:04) I think you're supposed to be. (15:05) I do. (15:06) And I do want to share this too.(15:07) And I want you to share your take on it. (15:09) I know we've got to go to the next episode. (15:12) If you're out there watching or listening to this.(15:15) And you are satisfied with everything. (15:18) You probably are living within your own standards. (15:22) And I would say that is a dangerous place to be.(15:26) I'm not joking. (15:28) That is bad news bears. (15:30) You should not be like, yep, I'm good.(15:33) That's a fucking danger zone. (15:36) Now, if, if you're on the opposite end of the spectrum and you're not grateful for anything. (15:42) That's, that's bad too.(15:44) That's not optimal. (15:45) That's, that's not good. (15:46) Because now you're just a dissatisfied, angry person.(15:51) So you got to find your own sort of center point. (15:55) And for me, frustration is a by-product of not meeting your own standards. (16:02) There are times when I'm frustrated with our team.(16:04) It's because I know what we're capable of. (16:07) We're capable of better than this. (16:09) And by the way, if we stay the way we are now, we're in some serious trouble.(16:12) We have to get better forever. (16:15) So I don't want people just pumped about where we are now. (16:18) If you're pumped about where we are right now, we're in trouble.(16:20) As the CEO, I'm supposed to push us forward. (16:24) And this is a good metaphor. (16:26) The very first iPhone was a revolutionary breakthrough.(16:29) I talk about this all the time. (16:30) Kevin and I were seniors in high school, 2007. (16:32) I'll never forget it.(16:33) I was in Mrs. Puckett's AP government class. (16:36) And she was talking about the iPhone, Apple. (16:38) Apple and Steve Jobs, the first iPhone.(16:40) It's a phone. (16:41) It's the internet. (16:42) This iPhone is a hundred times, if not a thousand times better than that phone.(16:48) That phone compared to this phone that I'm holding right now, the iPhone Pro 16 Max, is absolute garbage. (16:55) A piece of shit atrocity. (16:58) That's the truth.(16:59) Go back and play N64. (17:02) Imagine if N64 and Nintendo were like, okay, we're good. (17:05) I think we're just going to stick with 64 megabytes.(17:07) Terrible. (17:09) You have to constantly, for success, you have to constantly up your fucking standards. (17:17) You have to.(17:18) Now, you've got to find your own unique flavor of that, but I do think it's necessary.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:22) We used to say, one of the quotes we used to say is, if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you said you were grateful for today, how much would you have? (17:28) Remember that? (17:28) We used to say that all the time.(17:29) You said that.

Alan Lazaros

(17:30) I never once said that.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:31) Well, I said that all the time. (17:32) I think that's a really good... (17:35) I'd be great.(17:36) Emilia would still be around, for sure. (17:37) Oh, there you go. (17:40) I don't know what else, but I think I'd have a good amount of stuff.(17:43) I'd have a good amount of stuff. (17:45) And... (17:45) No, I'd have a lot more than that.(17:46) I'm being... (17:46) I know, I know, I'm teasing. (17:47) That's not what I want to rest on.(17:51) That's how I think of it. (17:53) If I woke up tomorrow with only the things that I said or felt grateful for, I'd have a lot of stuff. (17:57) But I wouldn't want to live with that forever.(17:59) I want to get more, because I feel like I'm capable of accomplishing more. (18:02) I'm still ambitious to more. (18:04) That.(18:04) I think that's the conversation for me. (18:06) But in order to do that, excuse me, in order to do that, my standards have to raise. (18:11) And that is very uncomfortable.(18:13) Question.

Alan Lazaros

(18:13) Yes. (18:14) Last question. (18:16) You and I interviewed Stephen Kotler.(18:17) It's called The Art of Impossible is the book. (18:19) It came out in 2019. (18:20) I am going to reach out to him and have him on Business Growth University.(18:24) And we're not going to talk about business, because I don't know how much he knows about it. (18:27) But we are going to talk about peak performance and flow. (18:31) I want to know your take.(18:33) When I first... (18:34) So, Brandon, shout out to you, brother. (18:35) You got us that interview.(18:37) When I found that book, I was like, holy shit. (18:39) This is it. (18:40) This is the fucking book.(18:42) That is one of the best books ever fucking written for success and peak performance. (18:48) What did you think of that title when you first heard it?

Kevin Palmieri

(18:53) The Art of Impossible. (18:55) I don't know if I put much thought into titles of books, because most of them are bullshit. (19:01) Honestly, I don't know.(19:02) I don't remember.

Alan Lazaros

(19:05) It excites and ignites me. (19:07) That is what I think... (19:09) One of the things that excites and ignites me most is to try to do something that's never been done.(19:13) That is like a deep... (19:15) That's a you thing. (19:16) That's a you thing.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:16) That is such a you thing.

Alan Lazaros

(19:18) Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. (19:20) So, I want to do something... (19:24) It excites and ignites me to achieve something that has never been achieved before in human history.(19:29) That is just a fire that has always been there. (19:32) Always. (19:34) When you read a book like The Art of Impossible, and he opens the book with...(19:41) There's Little I Impossible, and then there's Big I Impossible. (19:44) Little I Impossible is, oh, I actually did do that. (19:48) Big I Impossible is, no one's ever done that before.(19:52) What was your take on that whole thing with Stephen Cotler and the book and all that?

Kevin Palmieri

(19:57) Big I is a level that does not exist and is inaccessible, is what I felt. (20:02) It's like a grayed out level. (20:04) You can't...(20:04) There's no fucking...

Alan Lazaros

(20:05) What do you think now?

Kevin Palmieri

(20:11) By myself, I think the same. (20:14) Still a great... (20:14) I'm not going to do anything that's never been done by myself, for sure.(20:19) There's no way. (20:20) There's no way. (20:21) I think it's possible, you and I, for sure.(20:24) But not by myself. (20:26) I think that would be delusional. (20:29) I think that's what happens...(20:30) I think that's, at times, what happens to people. (20:33) You and I have had this conversation behind the scenes where I'll connect with somebody who's like... (20:38) They've been into personal development and they've worked on themselves and they're like, Oh, I just, you know, I don't get people.(20:43) I don't understand. (20:44) I don't understand. (20:45) I spend time with people.(20:46) I don't get them. (20:46) It's like, look, of course you do. (20:50) You were the same person three years ago.(20:53) Of course you do. (20:55) I think sometimes what happens is we get a book like The Art of Impossible and then we think we're going to do the impossible. (21:00) I'm not saying you shouldn't try.(21:01) I'm not saying it shouldn't elevate your standards. (21:03) I'm just under no delusion after I read that book that I'm going to do something that's never been done. (21:10) I might now have the information, but I'm not capable.(21:13) I don't have the standards to do something that's never been done. (21:16) Could I eventually? (21:17) Maybe.(21:17) But I don't know. (21:19) I just think I'm very real with myself about that. (21:24) It's a great book.(21:24) One of the best books I've ever read. (21:26) For sure. (21:27) For sure.(21:28) I'm reading a book right now. (21:29) Annie Duke. (21:30) You're doing it in book club.(21:31) Shout out to book club. (21:32) I don't think I'm gonna be a professional poker player. (21:34) But you'd believe you could if you wanted to.(21:39) Yeah, but that's not something that's never been done before.

Alan Lazaros

(21:42) There's a lot of professional poker players. (21:43) There's a fucking league. (21:45) The art of impossible.(21:47) I think it should be called the science of impossible. (21:49) But again, who am I? (21:50) Stephen Colbert.(21:51) I really do think that is what it actually is. (21:53) It's not the art. (21:54) It's the science.(21:55) That's fair. (21:56) Leonardo da Vinci said study the art of science and the science of art. (21:59) I thought that was really powerful because it's two sides of the same coin.(22:01) But when we first interviewed him, I remember you came to me and you're like, I don't understand. (22:06) We've already implemented most of the stuff in this book. (22:09) And I was like, brother, of course, we're trying to do the impossible.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:12) Well, so that's that's the answer. (22:14) I never would have done that by myself. (22:15) I didn't know how to do that.(22:17) That's why I was so surprised when I read it. (22:18) It was like, OK, we're doing a lot of this, like most of this. (22:22) I didn't learn.(22:24) I learned a lot about flow from that book, for sure, because I didn't really understand. (22:26) And I still there's I still have a long way to go and flow for sure. (22:29) I learned a lot about flow.(22:31) It was really good examples. (22:32) But there wasn't a lot of, oh, I'm going to take this and do this because we were already doing a lot of it very humbly. (22:37) And again, I didn't come up with it.(22:38) Alan, this was Alan's thing. (22:40) That was a that was a quarter life crisis for you. (22:42) For sure.(22:43) Yeah, for sure. (22:44) But I just don't think I read a book and then think to myself, oh, shit. (22:48) OK, now that I've read this book, I can do exactly what this book says.(22:51) I don't know. (22:52) Maybe that's a me thing. (22:54) I think there's just so much more to it.(22:56) And I think people get deluded. (22:58) They get like deluded into thinking, oh, yeah, I just read Mel Robbins book all about boundaries. (23:02) Now I know everything about now I'm I'm going to be the best at setting boundaries.(23:05) No, you're not. (23:06) No, no, of course not. (23:07) You're going to have to.(23:08) You're going to you're going to be way better than you've ever been for sure. (23:10) And that's awesome. (23:11) And it's going to suck.(23:13) And you're going to that's like that's knowing how to build a home versus actually building one. (23:17) Well, I think oftentimes what happens is people read a book like that and then they assume through maybe delusion that they could do the thing that's impossible. (23:26) And I'm not the guy who's going to tell you not to try.(23:31) But from a competence standpoint, from you have to have a certain. (23:36) So you have to think that this is good. (23:38) This is I think this is important.(23:40) You have to have a certain commitment. (23:41) You have to have a certain makeup to do something that's never been done. (23:45) You can't you're not going to learn that in a book.(23:47) You have that or you don't. (23:48) There's no way you're going to learn that in a book. (23:51) You have to have the makeup of a visionary.(23:54) How do you become a visionary? (23:55) I don't fucking know. (23:56) Does anybody know?

Alan Lazaros

(23:58) I think it's a series of skills and sub skills, and I think it's IQ plus EQ. (24:03) I think it's most self-belief.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:05) I need self-belief.

Alan Lazaros

(24:06) Yeah, but I think self-belief comes from somewhere. (24:08) I think.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:09) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(24:09) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:10) But it's like I can teach you how to how to shoot threes. (24:13) But unless you're six foot four, I can't and I can't. (24:16) I can't teach you how to shoot threes or dunk.(24:18) But that's nobody. (24:19) Nobody. (24:20) Michael Jordan could not teach me how to dunk.(24:22) Yeah. (24:23) Michael Jordan himself could not teach me how to dunk. (24:25) I can't do it, Mike.(24:27) Mike, I can't do it. (24:30) Roll it. (24:32) He liked to gamble as well.(24:34) I don't know. (24:35) Maybe this is for a different episode. (24:37) I don't know.(24:37) I don't know what it would be about necessarily, but I think it's a lot. (24:41) Back to the standards thing.

Alan Lazaros

(24:47) I used to say I would never. (24:49) I didn't decide to build a really successful company and then like go to the beach. (24:53) That's my playful way of saying, like, I'm going to dedicate my entire existence to this.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:01) Genuinely. (25:02) Yes. (25:02) But that's that's a blind spot.(25:04) Most people aren't doing that. (25:07) Most people aren't doing that. (25:10) I'm trying to keep up with you.(25:11) I try to keep up your standards. (25:12) I'm a really good number two. (25:14) If it was up to me to set the standards, we would not be nearly as successful as we are because my standards aren't as high as yours.(25:18) What's the benefit of standards? (25:20) And then we'll go. (25:21) The benefit of standards is it is your own internal compass.(25:25) You're probably your own internal thermometer of whether or not you're on track or not. (25:30) And the second it dips below a certain temperature, you start getting pings. (25:35) I've been I've been hit snooze five days in a row.(25:38) The fuck's going on here or whatever. (25:41) My pants don't fit like they used to. (25:43) Interesting.(25:44) Something's going on or whatever, whatever it is. (25:45) Or there's a certain number in my bank account and it hasn't been that low in X amount of time. (25:50) And it is your own way of reminding yourself.(25:55) It's your own way of creating a reminder in advance for a lack of alignment.

Alan Lazaros

(26:00) OK, last thing I when you get the discomfort that comes from your results dipping below your behaviors, dipping below a certain standard, don't just change the story. (26:12) Change the behavior. (26:16) You can do both when you're uncomfortable because you're not meeting your own standards, which are necessary to achieve your goals.(26:23) You can either wish it away by saying, oh, no, it's not a big deal or lowering your standards. (26:28) You can either lower the standard. (26:29) You can lower the target and lower the standard.(26:31) And now now you're comfortable or you can find a way to hit the standard and hit the target by changing your behavior, by changing the process, by getting a coach, by doing whatever you got to do. (26:41) I think that's something there's something to that. (26:43) Find a way to innovate.(26:46) Fine. (26:47) Don't lower the target. (26:49) Don't lower the standard.(26:50) Don't lower what you're going for. (26:52) Change your behavior. (26:54) I find it so fascinating how people want to achieve goals and then they like don't want to do work.(27:00) I think it's a lack of awareness.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:03) But don't they get the pains of, wow, I'm really not going to win. (27:06) No, because if you have the wrong expectation, you don't know what it's going to take to win. (27:11) No, no.(27:13) How many times have you been around someone who's dieting or whatever they're, whatever they're doing? (27:19) And it's like, you're not, you know, you're not making any progress, right? (27:22) With your current behavior, the truth is they might not know.(27:26) No. (27:27) If they knew how to do it, they might already have the result. (27:32) Other than time, obviously.

Alan Lazaros

(27:33) But yeah, no, I think they know how you don't think internally they know they're off. (27:39) I'm telling you, that's the ego. (27:41) Your ego is protecting you from the emotional guidance system.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:45) How much bullshit would not work on the Internet if people knew?

Alan Lazaros

(27:49) I don't think it's a knowledge problem. (27:51) I think it's an ego problem. (27:52) I don't know.(27:53) I think it's like. (27:54) An ego doesn't make you. (27:57) It protects you from the hard truth, so you don't have to change.(27:59) That's exactly what the ego, the psychological immune system protects you from having to change because it keeps you safe.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:05) But isn't it based on would I ever be able to sell any pill that is supposed to help you lose weight if you had any understanding of how to lose weight? (28:13) I don't think so. (28:13) I think a lot of it's based on misinformation.

Alan Lazaros

(28:16) Yeah, a lot of it is ignorance. (28:17) Yeah, for sure. (28:18) But I think it's not all of it's ignorance.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:20) I agree.

Alan Lazaros

(28:20) Ego protects us. (28:22) Our ego protects us from looking in the mirror and going, wow, I have a double chin. (28:26) I agree.(28:26) I look at that shit like it's there. (28:28) I need to see that. (28:30) That's important data.(28:31) It's important information. (28:32) Yeah, I agree. (28:32) So and again, I'm not crying myself to sleep at night about it.(28:36) I just it's important to look at the facts. (28:40) If my relationship is going downhill and I don't look at that, I'm in trouble. (28:44) You can't just neglect everything and then make it OK.(28:49) You know, you've got to look at the bank account. (28:52) You got to look at the scale. (28:53) You got to look at the double chin.(28:54) You got to look at your health and look if you're aging poorly and look at how you eat. (28:58) Like, I think the reason our podcast doesn't go viral is because it basically every episode is, hey, look in the fucking mirror. (29:05) Maybe we're bad.(29:06) No, it's good. (29:08) It's good for you to look in the mirror. (29:10) No, no, I look in the mirror every single day.(29:12) Maybe we're bad as podcasters. (29:14) No, I know what you meant. (29:15) I don't agree with that.(29:16) But hey, maybe I'm not looking in the mirror.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:18) I don't want to go viral. (29:18) There's the sneaky, like, I don't, I used to want to. (29:22) It was like, I really hope, I honestly don't want to.(29:24) I don't even fucking care.

Alan Lazaros

(29:25) Well, don't worry. (29:25) We're not going to.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:26) I hope we have to do another 5,000 episodes before anybody hears us. (29:29) I don't care. (29:30) The ego won't let us go viral because every episode is, hey, look at the hard truths you don't want to look at, right?(29:35) I don't want to go viral. (29:36) Be a real shame if we had people knocking down our door. (29:38) I'd love to give you $5 million to talk about my product.(29:42) No, thank you. (29:43) Stay out of my inbox, son. (29:45) You know it.(29:46) And then on the side.

Alan Lazaros

(29:47) I have this new product on the market.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:48) On this side, I'd have a little something, you know, it's like. (29:54) Kevin, you've been wearing suits an awful lot to the podcast. (29:57) Oh yes, that's because of our suit sponsorship.(29:59) Actually, you know it. (30:00) Okay. (30:01) Is there anything you want to add before we go?(30:03) No, no, we're good. (30:04) Okay. (30:05) All right.(30:05) Next on the nation. (30:06) If you are looking to raise your standards, I think one of the best ways to do that is to get a coach because a coach most likely has standards higher than you. (30:15) If they have a result that is desirable to you and they can help you set the standard, do the behavior for long enough and essentially you will get the result eventually.(30:27) So Alan does business coaching. (30:28) I do podcast coaching. (30:30) We'll have the links below for that.(30:31) I know Alan has slots available. (30:33) I have slots available as well. (30:34) So if you're interested, we'll have the links below.

Alan Lazaros

(30:36) If you're early in business, consider it success coaching. (30:39) Success. (30:39) I will help you achieve your goals and dreams and I will help you raise your standards and sustain them over time and hold you accountable.(30:49) It's going to be, it'll be life changing. (30:50) It will be life changing. (30:52) All right.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:52) As always, we love you. (30:53) We appreciate you. (30:54) Grateful for each and every one of you.(30:55) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (31:03) Keep reaching for your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(31:05) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:08) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (31:12) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(31:15) We mean it when we say family. (31:17) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (31:20) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(31:24) Thank you again. (31:25) And we will talk to you tomorrow.