We're All Delusional, Choose How! (2200)

Are you giving yourself too much credit or not nearly enough? In this episode, Kevin and Alan reveal why we’re all a little delusional and how that shapes confidence, humility, and success. From stories of imposter syndrome to moments of accidental arrogance, they share the surprising truth about finding balance in self-belief. Tune in to discover why “the drive to five” might be the key to staying grounded while still reaching your highest potential. Listen now to unlock the truth.

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Show notes:
(2:11) Imposter syndrome and the start of NLU
(6:05) Accuracy, humility, and self-belief
(7:17) Conscientious leadership Vs. Arrogance
(12:02) When confidence comes across wrong
(15:18) Humble pie and staying grounded
(17:31) Success in business Vs. Relationships
(19:07) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:11 Imposter syndrome and the start of NLU
• 6:05 Accuracy, humility, and self-belief
• 7:17 Conscientious leadership Vs. Arrogance
• 12:02 When confidence comes across wrong
• 15:18 Humble pie and staying grounded
• 17:31 Success in business Vs. Relationships
• 19:07 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) It might offend you if I sat you down and said you are delusional, but it would probably offend you less if I said I'm just as delusional as you are, just in a different way. (0:11) No one is 100% right or 100% wrong, aka 100% accurate or not. (0:16) We're going to talk about that today.(0:18) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:20) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:22) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:25) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dreamchasers. (0:32) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth. (0:38) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.(0:54) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:01) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:06) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,200.(1:10) Pretty cool. (1:11) Another checkbox. (1:13) 2,200.(1:15) Nice. (1:16) Pretty cool. (1:16) I had a breakthrough.(1:18) Okay. (1:19) You want me to introduce the episode first? (1:20) Yeah.(1:21) Okay. (1:22) We're all delusional. (1:23) Choose how.(1:23) All right, go ahead. (1:24) It just happened. (1:27) Okay.(1:28) I think you are more accurate in the short term, and I think I am more accurate in the long term. (1:37) Okay, hang on to that thought. (1:38) Let me give context really quickly.(1:40) I did a podcast pre-call with someone today. (1:42) Shout out to you, BC, if you are listening. (1:44) And I went through my story, and he said, what was it like to build NLU and be a part of NLU and, you know, build it brick by brick by yourself?(1:53) I know, I understand. (1:54) Let me try to be humble about it. (1:57) And I was essentially, I was very honest.(2:01) I said, Alan's been mentoring me since the beginning. (2:04) You know, you asked me how Alan and I knew each other and how it got to the point where I reached out to him when I was struggling. (2:11) He was my mentor.(2:12) He wasn't my friend. (2:12) I mean, we were friends, but he was mentoring me. (2:16) And I explained what it was like, and I said, it was imposter syndrome.(2:19) And I just literally would just say to Alan, he would say, jump. (2:24) And I would say, how high? (2:25) Like, what do I have to do?(2:26) Tell me what to do. (2:26) Tell me how to get better. (2:27) Tell me how to get smarter.(2:28) Battering ram.

Alan Lazaros

(2:29) Battering ram.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:30) Going back to, I'm telling you, that's the best example of what I am. (2:32) Yeah, I would just aim it and then slam it against the wall. (2:35) Slam it against the wall.

Alan Lazaros

(2:36) That's it.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:36) And then you could just keep using it. (2:38) It's very durable. (2:39) And I got to the end of that explanation.(2:41) He said, can I ask you a question? (2:42) And I said, of course, man. (2:43) And he said, are you, do you think you're still working through like the not enoughness imposter syndrome?(2:51) I feel like you're not owning your part in this. (2:55) He said, because I've talked to Alan and I talked to Amy and they said you were like instrumental in this. (2:59) And I said, well, I am.(3:00) I understand. (3:01) And I can't imagine anybody's ever going to fill my shoes. (3:05) I'm the fucking man, obviously.(3:07) Like, that goes without saying. (3:09) I said, I'm sick of hearing it. (3:12) I wasted my time at this point.(3:13) Yeah, come on. (3:14) You don't have to tell me. (3:15) I said, it's so important for me to stay grounded.(3:19) And again, I'm kidding. (3:19) I said you were instrumental in all this? (3:20) Somebody did.(3:21) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(3:22) Somebody did.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:23) Me and I both did. (3:23) Of course we did. (3:24) Somebody did.(3:24) Of course we did. (3:25) I just don't think I used the word instrumental. (3:27) Well, you probably use something even more powerful.(3:29) Yeah, for sure. (3:30) Again, I'm obviously kidding about all that. (3:32) That's self-righteous bullshit.(3:33) I said, it's important to me to stay grounded. (3:37) If I'm going to miss, I want to miss under. (3:40) I would rather be self-deprecating than arrogant.(3:42) I would rather somebody say, well, you're not taking any credit. (3:46) I'd rather take no credit than all of it. (3:49) I have such a...(3:50) I have so much negative pain associated with being arrogant. (3:55) The few times I have... (3:56) Not few times.(3:57) I've been arrogant a lot in my life. (3:59) Few times as I've gotten older. (4:01) That has hurt me.(4:02) You've been arrogant a lot in your life? (4:03) I'm sure I was arrogant when I was younger. (4:05) Yeah, man.(4:07) I would say that there were some arrogant moments. (4:09) Cutting your hand, baseball, that whole thing. (4:11) I used to walk around without my shirt on, hoping somebody would want to fight me.(4:15) Or knowing they wouldn't. (4:18) Went to Nichols College one time. (4:20) Shout out to Nichols College.(4:22) And I was walking, playing pool with my shirt off. (4:25) And somebody's girlfriend came up and talked to me. (4:27) And then he came up and talked to me.(4:28) I was like, brother, we both know nothing's... (4:31) We both know nothing's going to happen. (4:32) What are we doing here?(4:34) Let me play pool, sir. (4:35) I was a little bit arrogant in my younger age. (4:37) Yeah, I didn't think I could...(4:38) I didn't think I could get hurt. (4:39) I didn't think I could... (4:40) You know, that's arrogance for sure.(4:42) Nice. (4:44) So yeah, that's my thesis. (4:46) My thesis is we're all delusional.(4:49) And I don't know, maybe we're not all at the place where we choose. (4:53) For most of my life, I did not choose to be under. (4:56) It was not...(4:57) I wanted to be confident. (4:58) I probably would have rather been arrogant than under. (5:02) I just didn't necessarily know how to do it effectively.(5:05) But now I'd rather punt credit. (5:08) I don't need the credit. (5:09) I don't want the credit.(5:10) I'd rather... (5:10) I want to stay humble and I want to stay grounded. (5:14) I think that's super important.(5:16) Can't you punt too much of the credit though? (5:18) A hundred percent. (5:19) Just like you can take too much of the credit.(5:21) A hundred percent. (5:21) That's the thing that's hard about this is... (5:23) I'm not saying my way is right or Alan's way.(5:27) I don't know. (5:27) When it comes to this, after talking to as many people as you and I have, everybody is off. (5:33) Everybody.(5:34) But not everyone's off by the same percent error. (5:37) Great point. (5:39) I was on a coaching session earlier.(5:44) He's not off by that much. (5:48) He's under. (5:51) He and his wife are very successful.(5:54) And he takes less of the credit than I do believe objectively is his. (6:00) And that's good. (6:01) That's way better than taking more.(6:05) The truth is you got to get as close to accurate as possible. (6:09) When you were younger, you say you were arrogant. (6:11) We're all swinging from one end to the other.(6:14) When I was younger, there were times when I was way under. (6:18) And there was times when I was way over. (6:19) What do you think you are now?(6:20) When I first... (6:21) What? (6:22) What do you think you are now?(6:24) I know this is a challenging question for you to answer publicly. (6:26) You mean like now as in today or lately? (6:29) I think this quarter I've been over.(6:31) Lately. (6:31) Yeah, lately. (6:32) Slightly.(6:32) I don't think it's that much. (6:34) Don't come... (6:35) You arrogant prick.(6:36) No, I think I'm slightly over. (6:40) I'm in an over chapter. (6:41) A little bit.(6:41) The funny thing is nobody will talk shit about you saying you're over. (6:45) They'll talk shit if you say you're under. (6:46) That's the funny thing is you say, I feel like I've been overly humble lately.(6:50) That's when you get the message. (6:51) It's like, dude, no. (6:52) And also, no chance.(6:54) There are times though in the past where... (6:57) I mean, there's a mid show that I heard when I was reviewing the episode. (7:01) It's like, that is a shell of a man.(7:02) Yeah. (7:03) I really let it ride for a while there. (7:05) Dude, when you and I were not going to the gym, we lost some of our fucking tenacity.(7:10) We really lost some of our strut and our stuff. (7:12) You can't be timid, but you also can't be an arrogant asshole. (7:17) So you have to find five.(7:18) You have to stay centered. (7:19) That's why I love conscientiousness. (7:21) If I had to pick one leadership quality, it would be conscientiousness.(7:25) Some leaders are wrecking balls. (7:28) Everyone right now, think of a leader who you consider to be a fucking wrecking ball. (7:34) Okay, don't you want someone who is conscientious?(7:39) Okay, I'm going to say this and it's going to affect Kevin. (7:41) And I want to understand Kevin and understand how that might affect Kevin. (7:46) And then try to dial in.(7:48) It's like one of them's a wrecking ball that comes in and demolishes buildings. (7:53) And the other one is like a sniper that... (7:55) I'm going to snipe a little knowledge into Kevin's nugget.(7:59) It's my nugget. (8:01) Yeah, right into your nugget. (8:02) What would you rather be over or under?(8:08) Tough one. (8:09) Pros and cons to both. (8:11) I would rather be over.(8:14) You'd rather be over. (8:18) Assuming you're trying to be centered. (8:21) Okay, all right.(8:24) I know someone who is what we call a puffer fish. (8:31) Socially, he is completely full of shit and he acts like he knows everything. (8:37) And he'll be the first one to tell you that you're wrong, even though he's never fucking studied or practiced said thing at all.(8:43) So he will have not gone to the gym almost at all in his entire life. (8:46) And he'll teach you how to deadlift and tell you when you're doing it wrong. (8:49) Because his brother is a personal trainer.(8:51) Like 20 years ago, though. (8:52) Yeah, exactly. (8:53) Not anymore, he used to be.(8:54) Now that person, deep down, I think is actually very insecure and probably hurting. (9:00) And so I have empathy for that. (9:02) But I think that that's the wrong way to deal with your shit.(9:06) That's how you get your shit on other people. (9:09) So I've talked about it in the past. (9:10) There's two types of people I can't stand.(9:12) One is spoiled brats who think they deserve everything by default with very little effort. (9:16) And the other one is bullies who tear other people down to feel bigger. (9:20) I think that bullies are people who shit on other people to appear more confident than they really are.(9:26) And to feel bigger and better than other people. (9:29) And I think that if you were to play basketball with me, I would try to beat you. (9:36) But I wouldn't try to make you feel bad about yourself.(9:42) Unless I have to make you feel bad about yourself to win. (9:45) I'm kidding. (9:46) No, but seriously, if you feel bad because I beat you so badly, then that's a byproduct of me being me.(9:54) Whereas in the past, I would have actually purposely not played as hard because I didn't want Kevin to feel bad. (9:59) Now I'm overcoming the shit out of that. (10:01) But I'm not there to make Kevin feel bad.(10:03) But if Kevin feels bad because I'm better at basketball, it is what it is. (10:07) Some people would try to actually make you feel bad so that they could feel bigger. (10:10) And I think that's a bully.(10:12) So my point is, I would rather be over, but only if it's done with conscientiousness. (10:16) And that's a big if, dude. (10:17) Because most of the people that are over are not conscientious.(10:20) I feel like I probably would rather be over also. (10:24) Yeah, I think I probably would rather. (10:26) It's a more empowered state, but it's dangerous.(10:29) I feel like you end up... (10:31) People like you less, but you probably end up more successful. (10:35) Yep.(10:35) It's everybody loves the person who is like, No, no, no. (10:39) No, it wasn't me. (10:41) It was all you.(10:41) Everybody loves that person. (10:43) Does anybody go to that person for help? (10:45) Not necessarily.(10:45) Does anybody attach their train to that person? (10:48) Not necessarily. (10:49) Is that person the most impactful or the most helpful?(10:53) Not necessarily. (10:54) But they are liked, for sure. (10:56) I think you're afraid to be over because I think that you don't want to be disliked.(11:01) For sure. (11:02) Even some of the things I've said lately, it's me figuring out, like, what is that? (11:06) You had a story where you were over.(11:10) You weren't over, but you came off like an arrogant prick. (11:14) You were in the gym and someone was talking about a charity and you basically were like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. (11:20) I want to donate 100 mil.(11:22) And you didn't mean to, but you came off out of context. (11:26) It wasn't that. (11:27) It was one of the managers of my gym.(11:31) I was going through this cycle of, like, I just was feeling really good about myself and I had learned so much about business and we were doing really well. (11:40) I went to Alan. (11:41) I was like, Dude, I did exactly what you do to people.(11:43) I know exactly what it's like. (11:46) How nice is that to know that I was never trying to do that? (11:49) I know.(11:49) I know. (11:50) And you're like, Shit. (11:52) Just for context, let me give context.(11:55) A kid's younger than me and he's like, Yeah, I'm interested in getting into investing and starting a business. (12:02) And I was like, Oh, dude, so easy. (12:04) So easy.(12:05) You're going to be fine. (12:06) You're going to be fine. (12:07) And it was just minimizing, minimizing, minimizing the things that you have decided that are going to be accomplishments to you.(12:13) I will minimize them for you real quick. (12:15) No, no, no. (12:16) But hold on.(12:16) Why did you? (12:17) You weren't minimizing. (12:18) You're trying to help.(12:19) I was trying to empower him. (12:21) Yes. (12:21) But after he walked out of the room, I was like, Oh, my God, what a fucking asshole I am.(12:26) He probably thinks I think his goals are minuscule and they're beneath me. (12:32) No, it was. (12:32) I was like, Fuck yeah, man.(12:34) That's awesome. (12:35) I just couldn't. (12:36) I couldn't convey it.(12:38) I couldn't convey it. (12:39) And then I understood what it was like to be Alan, because I know Alan has tried to pour and pour and pour and pour into people, but it doesn't always land. (12:47) It's not always absorbed.(12:50) I felt terrible, though. (12:52) I was like, I laughed about it after like an embarrassed laugh to myself of like, Oh, my God, you stupid bastard. (12:58) I'm 36 years old now.(12:59) I understand now. (13:00) I didn't know. (13:01) I had so much belief.(13:04) I was just like, Oh, leadership. (13:06) Yeah. (13:06) Fuck.(13:07) Yeah. (13:07) Leadership. (13:07) And I give you a fucking seminar on it.(13:10) Well, it's like you could do it. (13:12) You could. (13:12) That's what it was.(13:14) Yeah, but it was. (13:16) So my intention inside was you could totally fucking do it. (13:19) But what was the impression that I gave unintentionally?(13:23) It's it. (13:26) It's it's going to be easy. (13:28) Yeah, it's not even that hard.(13:29) It's not. (13:31) But for them, it is. (13:33) I know.(13:33) Potentially. (13:34) Dude, I know. (13:35) The kid I was talking to.(13:36) When I say that hard, that's relative compared to what? (13:40) Right. (13:40) Right.(13:40) I'll never forget. (13:41) Last thing before we get out of here. (13:43) I was hanging out.(13:44) So I was hanging out with one of my buddies, and he introduced me to a group of his friends, and they were all women. (13:51) And this was when I do. (13:52) This was like fresh podcast.(13:55) I had just figured out hyperconscious. (13:57) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (13:58) And we went over and we went bowling and then we went back to their place and we stayed up until two two a.m. And I did a fucking seminar seminar. (14:06) Now, looking back, I feel like such an asshole. (14:09) Like, why? (14:11) They loved you, by the way.(14:13) I think they probably loved me because they knew I was feeling myself and they knew I meant well, because it you need permission, delusional. (14:24) But I don't think you're delusional because everything you said you do, you've done. (14:27) Well, that's fair.(14:28) But you need permission to pour into people's lives. (14:30) That. (14:31) Yeah, agreed.(14:32) You can't just go up to someone and say, hey, it looks Alan, I've never met you before. (14:36) It looks like you've probably put on 20, 30 pounds in the last couple of years. (14:39) You know, you ever thought of this fucking P90X worked well for me, hydration, nutrition, training, mobility, breathwork and supplementation.(14:46) You can't. (14:47) But if somebody comes up to you and says, hey, I feel like I've been struggling a little bit lately in fitness. (14:52) Any advice?(14:54) They're literally saying I'm asking for permission if you can help me make progress in this. (14:59) Yeah, live and learn. (15:01) So the people that are over, this is my warning.(15:06) Being over means you have high self-belief. (15:10) Or you're full of shit. (15:12) OK, which is very possible.(15:14) And or both, because no one's fully accurate. (15:19) If you are over, you need to aim high and you need constant humble pie. (15:24) Humble pie is good for you.(15:26) It's good for you. (15:27) I need it. (15:28) The gym is so humbling for me.(15:30) Dude, I did leg day today. (15:32) It's so good for me to see how much I struggle. (15:35) I need it.(15:38) That's why every workout I'm like, I need to go to the very limit before I fucking snap. (15:44) Because I need the humble pie of. (15:47) Hey, man, stay grounded.(15:51) Like you, you can't squat 300 pounds just because you think you can. (15:55) Like you need to see how hard that is. (15:58) So for me, and it's not an arena that I'm naturally good at either.(16:01) So that humbles me, too. (16:03) I'm not naturally strong. (16:04) I'm tall and lanky.(16:07) I naturally am tall and lanky. (16:08) I'm obviously not now because I'm going for 210. (16:10) Let's go.(16:12) If you're over, you need humble pie. (16:13) Aim too high, you get humble pie. (16:15) Keep aiming high.(16:16) It's good for you. (16:17) Stay grounded. (16:18) You need failure to ground you.(16:20) If you're under, you better be careful of failure. (16:24) You really need to stack the small wins and just keep going. (16:28) You need momentum so badly.(16:31) And then when you fall off the horse, you got to get back on quick. (16:33) Never miss twice is a really, and you got to have accountability. (16:38) My clients that are, I am helping them get back on track very quickly.(16:44) I have certain clients where every single week it's like, ah, you know, falling off. (16:48) I know. (16:49) Let's get back on.(16:50) Falling off. (16:50) Let's get back on. (16:51) Falling off.(16:52) Let's get back on. (16:53) And you will be amazed what you are capable of long-term if you just stick with it. (16:58) But long-term is the key word.(17:00) I changed my answer. (17:01) I would rather be delusionally low because I think that suited me really well. (17:06) That helps me stay humble.(17:08) That helps me not lose sight. (17:08) If you take me away, man, you wouldn't have been as successful. (17:11) I wouldn't with you either, without you either.(17:13) But I, but this is, I would have been lying if I was the other way. (17:16) That wouldn't have worked. (17:17) There's no way it would have worked.(17:18) Yeah. (17:19) But if you were, that's because you were under. (17:21) Well, that's what I'm saying is I, even if I got to the point where I, like I have, I have so much self-belief.(17:27) For success, you do believe. (17:29) Yes. (17:29) Over is better.(17:30) Yes. (17:31) For relationships, under is better. (17:32) Yes.(17:33) Yes. (17:34) And if you want to be both successful and successful in relationships and fulfilled, I think you need to be centered and conscientious. (17:41) But I don't think that's the drive to fire.(17:43) I don't think I ever would have gotten to a place where I actually could have been confident if I always was over. (17:50) If I was delusionally over, I'm actually confident now. (17:52) I am like, I actually have a level of confidence.(17:55) By that rationale, anyone who's over can't drive to five? (18:00) No, but you're most likely not going to be naturally self-deprecating. (18:09) Your goals will humble the hell out of you.(18:11) It's the same principle, just on a different end. (18:13) Like by that rationale, I can't be like, who's more confident, you or me? (18:16) You.(18:17) But who's more accurate? (18:19) In what? (18:22) In who's closer to five?(18:25) Me. (18:28) How do you know? (18:30) Because you're way up there.(18:31) That sounds like maybe you're over now. (18:34) To be continued. (18:35) I did a seminar yesterday on the power of humility and I started it.(18:40) I don't know. (18:40) Yeah, maybe we'll have to do a part two. (18:42) I don't know.(18:42) I mean, I would say you probably are closer, but I don't know, right? (18:45) This is a, this is the drive to five. (18:47) This is the drive is everything.(18:48) All right. (18:48) We got to go. (18:49) If you're looking for somebody to keep you on track, Alan has coaching slots available.(18:52) I am a podcast coach. (18:53) I think many of you know that, but I am a podcast coach. (18:55) If you're a podcaster out there, meetups every single the first Thursday of the month.(18:59) They are masterclasses, not meetups. (19:02) How dare I? (19:03) Book club every Saturday.(19:04) There's a bunch of stuff. (19:04) Go to nextleveluniverse.com. (19:06) It's got all the stuff we do.(19:07) As always, we love you. (19:08) We appreciate you. (19:09) Grateful for each and every one of you.(19:10) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we're going to be here every mother day to help you get there. (19:21) Keep reaching for your full potential Next Level Nation and stay conscientious at five. (19:27) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University.(19:31) We love connecting with the Next Level family. (19:33) We mean it when we say family. (19:35) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly.(19:39) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes. (19:42) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.