The Biggest Downside Of Being A Peak Performer (2216)

Where greatness grows, comfort dies, and character rises. In today’s unfiltered episode, Kevin and Alan expose the hidden cost of high performance and the mindset it takes to keep climbing when it hurts. Listen now and turn your struggle into strength.

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Show notes:
(2:24) The stress behind high performance
(4:13) The truth about consistency and humility
(6:42) Overwhelm and learning to thrive in storms
(8:20) The rise and reality of hustle culture
(11:05) The unseen struggle behind success
(14:18) Privileged pressure and personal responsibility
(17:36) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:24 The stress behind high performance
• 4:13 The truth about consistency and humility
• 6:42 Overwhelm and learning to thrive in storms
• 8:20 The rise and reality of hustle culture
• 11:05 The unseen struggle behind success
• 14:18 Privileged pressure and personal responsibility
• 17:36 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) This is an unfortunate truth that I wish wasn't true, but is true, and we're going to talk about it today because I think sometimes you have to admit that something sucks before you are willing to work through the suckiness of it.

Alan Lazaros

(0:14) Jim Rohn is a personal development speaker who says, don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:20) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:23) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:25) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:28) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:35) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:41) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:57) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:03) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:09) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,216. (1:15) The reason I'm laughing is because Alan, when we do these cold opens, he usually goes longer than five words. (1:22) In back-to-back episodes, he said five things and ended like this.(1:25) And I thought he was going to keep going, but he didn't. (1:29) In that opening, I might as well have had a question mark at the end. (1:32) Might as well have.(1:32) Okay. (1:33) The biggest downside of being a peak performer, episode number 2,216. (1:37) I am re-listening to The Art of Impossible by one Stephen Kotler.(1:41) Great book. (1:42) World-class. (1:42) Alan suggested I re-listen to it, so I'm re-listening to it.(1:45) And you know, I feel like that book does a really good job of giving you permission to be different. (1:57) Giving you permission. (2:00) It's like, it's a very honest big brother who sits you down and says, hey, I know you think you want this, and if you do, here are the five things that mom and dad aren't going to tell you.(2:13) Nice. (2:14) Your high school football coach is not going to tell you. (2:16) Your teachers, not going to tell you.(2:18) Your guidance counselor, not going to tell you. (2:20) Nobody's going to tell you this. (2:20) Now, I'm going to tell you this, because I respect you and I love you enough to tell you.(2:24) And one of those essentially was, look, if you want to be a high performer, and you want to be relatively good or above most people in something, your life is going to be way more stressful than anybody else you know. (2:38) And when I heard that, I was like, oh my goodness, I can hear how people would hear that and say, oh my God, that's like, how dare you tell somebody that? (2:47) How dare you sign somebody up for that?(2:49) But that is the reality of it. (2:52) I've had so many people say, you've got to slow down. (2:55) Oh, mom, if you're listening, I know I'm your little boy, I'll always be your little boy.(2:59) My mom would say that. (3:00) Like, you've got to take time for yourself. (3:01) You've got to slow down.(3:02) You can't overwork yourself. (3:03) You've got to slow down. (3:05) Yes, and I also, if I slow down, we're going to die.(3:09) We're going to die.

Alan Lazaros

(3:13) Why do you have to? (3:14) Yeah, nice. (3:15) A little Dory reference.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:16) You've never seen it?

Alan Lazaros

(3:17) I've heard about it, though.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:18) I've heard about it.

Alan Lazaros

(3:19) I've heard about it. (3:19) It's hilarious. (3:20) It's great.(3:21) It's a great fucking world-class movie. (3:22) I believe it. (3:23) It doesn't matter.(3:24) All right. (3:25) If I had a nickel for every time you didn't see a movie that was magnificent, goddamn.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:32) Anyways, think of all the money we're saving because that nickel would come from me, so. (3:39) We'd be robbing Peter to pay Paul, as they say. (3:41) Anyways.(3:42) Yep.

Alan Lazaros

(3:46) Why? (3:48) Okay, I've been told that, too. (3:50) Of course.(3:50) I've been reluctant to share this. (3:52) I always do. (3:53) Whatever, Alan.(3:53) Just be you. (3:54) I have not taken a full day off in 10 years. (3:57) I don't say that to flex.(3:59) I don't say that to look how awesome I am. (4:01) I say that because I actually want people to see the truth of what it takes to be successful. (4:08) I think it's arrogant to wing it, not work hard, and then still think it's going to work out.(4:13) I do. (4:13) I actually think that's really arrogant. (4:15) It's either naive as fuck or really arrogant.(4:18) I think it takes humility to say, I'm going to work every single day, and this still might not work. (4:24) That's not necessarily what I'm doing, because I do think it'll work, but I don't want to take credit for the humility thing in that. (4:31) I know it will work, but I don't think it's going to work on its own.(4:36) I don't think like, oh, we're just awesome, so why wouldn't everyone just listen to us? (4:40) No, we're going to have to add more value forever, and we still, forever, we just have to get better forever. (4:50) The Art of Impossible, which apparently, by the way, was published in 2021.(4:54) I don't know why I thought 2019. (4:57) I looked at, Emilia and I on the road trip, we listened to Stealing Fire, Stephen Kotler's book, Stealing Fire. (5:05) Some of The Art of, we listened to some of The Art of Impossible.(5:09) We also listened to his book, The Rise of Superman. (5:13) All three books are kind of talking about flow and productivity and peak performance and high performance and essentially how to be the best in the world at what you do. (5:23) That's why I like the book.(5:24) It's very honest. (5:25) It's a very honest book. (5:26) I can't stand books that are dishonest, dude.(5:28) It's just distorting the reality. (5:31) Some books are like, hey, you don't really have to work that hard to be the best, and it's just, you're just wrong. (5:40) That's just wrong.(5:41) Well, that's what I like about it. (5:42) And there are certain people who don't, and that's the anomaly though. (5:46) I heard recently, I was on a podcast with an actor and he went to LA and I was asking him about it and apparently, Russell Brand or whatever, don't associate me with Russell Brand, but apparently he didn't try and just got picked or something.(6:04) He was an extra in the background. (6:05) I don't know. (6:06) Maybe it was Jim Carrey or something.(6:07) The point that I'm making is that just because some people got lucky doesn't mean that you can count on that. (6:17) You might as well just play the lottery. (6:21) The lottery doesn't show the 10 million losers.(6:25) It shows the one winner, and it doesn't show how many times the winner lost before they won. (6:33) Which was basically, if they're 50 years old, they probably lost for 30 years before they actually won.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:39) Yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(6:39) Right? (6:39) So, it's just that weird mentality. (6:41) So, I love the Art of Impossible.(6:42) I'm glad we're doing this. (6:43) And yeah, you're going to be overwhelmed basically forever. (6:46) The goal is not to swim in calm waters all the time.(6:50) The goal is to learn how to swim effectively in the worst storms.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:53) Well, I think, so here's the interesting thing, and I think this is where things get all wonky. (6:57) People would follow people, so there was the big hustle culture phase, which I don't think is... (7:05) You talk about that as if you were in it or something?(7:07) Like, what are you even talking about? (7:09) Gary V's come up was the hustle culture phase, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(7:13) Really? (7:13) For sure. (7:14) Yes, 100%.(7:14) What are we talking, like the 2005 to 2015 or something? (7:19) Probably, yeah. (7:20) Probably.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:20) There was a guy who had energy, who was really good at just telling it like it was, who spoke to almost everybody. (7:30) Anybody can relate to Gary V. (7:31) Gary V's seems like a regular dude.(7:33) He swears a lot. (7:34) He just tells you like it is. (7:36) I think a lot of people followed him because it was sexy.(7:40) He's like, oh shit, this entrepreneur thing is something. (7:43) Listened to what he said, and what he's saying is accurate.

Alan Lazaros

(7:47) It's accurate. (7:48) I don't care. (7:49) He's pretty honest.(7:50) I would say he's pretty honest. (7:51) Super honest?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:52) Yes. (7:52) Super honest.

Alan Lazaros

(7:53) Like, I respect that part of it. (7:55) He's inaccurate about... (7:56) He's honest.(7:58) He's wrong about some of the, sorry, I'm not, just for a second. (8:03) A lot of what he says is dumb. (8:05) I don't disagree.(8:06) But he's very honest about the work part. (8:09) Yes. (8:09) And he's very honest about what actually does work.(8:11) I think where he's wrong is a lot of the inaccurate thinking he has about the strategy. (8:17) I think some of his strategy is garbage, but anyways, I digress.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:20) The only point I'm trying to make is, as he blew up on social media, you think everybody that followed him was somebody who wanted to grind their face off and be like a really high level entrepreneur? (8:29) I used to think that.

Alan Lazaros

(8:30) Because I have certain speeches of his saved that I, those are my go-to's in a dark place.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:34) There's no way. (8:36) Some people did it because it felt good to get that type of content. (8:40) Then they said, okay, this is the way I'm going to live my life.(8:42) They did. (8:44) And what came with it, they didn't want. (8:46) And then they, the stress, the overwhelm, the pressure, the fact that it gets, the fact that hustle culture still gets villainized, where people are like, oh, nobody should be working that amount.(9:02) It's like, well, first of all, let me live my fucking life. (9:05) I'm not telling you how to live yours. (9:06) I'm not saying you have to do what I'm doing.(9:07) I don't think you should do what I'm doing. (9:09) I don't think it's probably fucking healthy for you. (9:13) And if you want to be way more successful than you are, you're going to have to change almost everything and you're going to have to outwork the people that are doing the same thing that you're doing.(9:22) And I think it's arrogant to think that you're not. (9:24) But I think what happened was a lot of people that would not ever sign up to be a peak performer started following people on social media that are peak performers. (9:35) And they got caught in the, well, this is what I have to do too.(9:38) Oh my God. (9:39) Fuck Gary Vee. (9:40) He's the worst because he said I have to grind my face off.(9:43) Gary Vee, statistically speaking, is one of the most successful people on the planet.

Alan Lazaros

(9:47) Yeah. (9:47) A hundred percent. (9:48) Yup.(9:48) He's top 1% of 1% of 1% of 1%.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:50) He's telling you essentially how he did it.

Alan Lazaros

(9:54) Yup.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:56) And that's, it's not his fault that you decided to take his strategy and it didn't work. (10:01) I don't think that's, and again, maybe that's a me thing because at the end of the day. (10:05) Did you read all of, uh, what was it?(10:07) Crush it, crushing it, crushed it. (10:09) I didn't read all of them. (10:11) No.

Alan Lazaros

(10:11) Yeah. (10:11) I did back, back then. (10:12) And again, like I said, I think some of his strategies are off, but I think when it comes to the work ethic.(10:20) Yeah, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:21) Exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(10:22) A hundred percent there. (10:23) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:23) And I, I'm surprised he got as big as he did because of how honest he is, honestly. (10:31) I'm surprised.

Alan Lazaros

(10:32) He likes sports and all that. (10:33) Like he, he has a lot of, a lot of stuff that the masses enjoy.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:36) Yeah. (10:37) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:40) But back to the conversation, I mean, don't get it twisted. (10:44) There's, there's not a, there's not a self-made billionaire on planet earth that doesn't work every day. (10:51) You know, and this is one of the things that's really frustrating.(10:53) So last week I was on the road and if you look at my social media, you're going to see us in a boat and you're going to see us at the Biltmore, which is this beautiful estate. (11:05) You're going to see us traveling, but you're not going to see the struggle bus. (11:11) I always think about this all the time.(11:13) You know, you see a plane flying. (11:15) I think about this more now too, because I actually coach a pilot, but I think, okay, that person up there on that plane is traveling somewhere and they're, they're probably in some cramped plane, probably uncomfortable as hell. (11:30) They probably have to pee and there's a line at the bathroom.(11:32) Like nothing is great. (11:33) I don't, I don't think anything is great. (11:36) You know, like there is no fairy tale.(11:38) Great. (11:39) Like, okay. (11:40) You see the moment of us on the boat.(11:42) You didn't see the part where my hat flew off. (11:44) We had to go drive back and get it and gaff it like it was a fish. (11:48) And the fact that I had to rush to my next meeting and pack the car really quickly and make sure Tucker does peas and poops and make sure I get to the next call on time.(11:55) And like, you don't see the hustle and bustle. (11:57) All you see is the gorgeous sun, you know, it's just marketing. (12:02) Like you got to see through that horseshit.(12:04) No one's life is easy. (12:06) Everyone has to, everyone deals with health issues and pets and kids and house. (12:12) Everyone's plumbing goes like there is no fucking fairy tale land.(12:16) It just looks really nice because every, this is the best metaphor in the world. (12:21) I think you see a movie that hundreds of million dollars, millions of dollars. (12:27) We just watched avatar and movie club.(12:28) Hundreds of millions of dollars went into that film. (12:30) Every scene is magic, magic. (12:33) It's unbelievable.(12:34) But you, that, that, the making of that film was a fucking shit show. (12:39) Like that took years and years. (12:41) I think it was like a decade actually to get that to all work.(12:44) Can you imagine the amount of problems it took to make avatar? (12:46) Just watch the credits. (12:48) I mean, there's like what's 5,000 people who worked on that movie?(12:53) Like everything behind the scenes blows, just own it. (12:58) Your job is not to make your life like amazing all the time. (13:02) If that's your goal, you almost by default won't have an amazing life.(13:05) Instead, that's like wanting there to never be storms. (13:10) I want a life where there's no storms. (13:12) That, that's not life.(13:13) That's not real. (13:15) What is real is storms are coming and you can learn how to swim and you can get a boat with a raft and you can whatever. (13:21) You can prepare to fucking for the storm.(13:23) I think the people who are the most prepared for the storm have certainty inside. (13:31) And then they, they always find a way to turn the storm in their favor. (13:34) And that's why sailing is a good metaphor.(13:36) I've sailed once, so I can't really talk with experience. (13:39) But Emilia was T1 sailor. (13:41) And she, you have to use the wind and the storm to your advantage.(13:46) And that's based on skills. (13:49) Her and I will be out in the boat and she'll be able to tell where the wind is coming. (13:52) It's unreal.(13:53) It's really awesome. (13:54) And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing out there. (13:57) You just cast them.(13:58) Yeah, I'm going to learn, you know, but at the end of the day, that's what, that's a good metaphor for life is this. (14:06) You don't try to prepare for a wonderful stormless life. (14:09) That is just unintelligent.(14:11) What you do is you learn the skills necessary to turn the storms in your favor so that you can get to your, you know, ultimate destination.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:18) My final thought before we get out of here, because we both have coaching calls. (14:22) That the biggest downside of being a peak performer is essentially you are signing up for. (14:29) You're signing up for a life of privileged pressure that you are deciding to face every day.(14:36) And people are going to feel bad for you and they're going to try to save you from it. (14:40) And your answer is always going to be, unless you stop, it's going to be like, no, this is there. (14:47) I'm not, I'm not complaining to complain.(14:49) No, sorry. (14:50) I'm not complaining because I'm asking for help. (14:51) I'm complaining just because I need to bitch for a minute.

Alan Lazaros

(14:54) And then tomorrow I'm trying to figure out the solution. (14:57) I'm trying to figure out the root cause of this so that I can innovate.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:59) But so many times people, it's just like, well, you need to slow down. (15:02) That's not what I'm, I'm not asking for you to tell me what to do. (15:06) It's more the fact that, like, I need to say out loud what the fuck I'm dealing with.(15:09) Because then when I say it out loud, maybe I can move the puzzle pieces around.

Alan Lazaros

(15:13) You've gotten so much better at that over the years, man. (15:15) You, you don't try to, like, get me to lower the target anymore. (15:20) It's one of my favorite things about our relationship is, dude, if I go to other people and I say, like, oh, travel was really tough.(15:28) And, you know, 22 call. (15:30) I mean, it was tough to get up there on. (15:31) I mean, they're like, oh, you know, you really should have taken.(15:34) No. (15:35) Yeah. (15:35) Missing coaching sessions is not my solution.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:39) The solution is get fucking better. (15:41) Like you, you said something to me the other day. (15:43) You said it would really would have helped to know that information the other day.(15:47) And I said, you didn't fuck. (15:48) It wouldn't change anything. (15:49) You don't want the fucking information.(15:50) It would have made it easier. (15:51) You didn't want to give you.

Alan Lazaros

(15:52) Oh, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:53) Yeah. (15:53) Talking about group coaching.

Alan Lazaros

(15:54) Yeah. (15:54) Again, it's a job. (15:56) My goal is not to make it easier.(15:58) My goal is to get better.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:59) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(15:59) You can't just lower the target every time it gets hard.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:03) That I would say that is a really good way to think of it as a peak performer is a peak performer. (16:07) You're never going to accomplish your goals. (16:09) You can't lower the target.(16:10) If you lower the target, the whole game ends. (16:12) Right. (16:12) It's, it doesn't, it doesn't work that way.(16:14) So yeah, that's my thesis. (16:16) What is your 30 second wrap up?

Alan Lazaros

(16:18) Uh, you're someone who I think did actually crave a life of ease. (16:24) Definitely. (16:25) And that kind of guaranteed you never had a life of ease because you weren't proactive enough to actually have that certainty.(16:31) You weren't developing the skills. (16:32) So I think it's, it's cool to see you be on this side of it because you get to like, you get to golf and you can afford it and you get to make your own schedule for the most part. (16:46) And, but, but you don't, it's like this weird, awesome thing.(16:49) It's back in the day you had to do what you were told and make sure you're at this time at this place. (16:54) And otherwise you're fired. (16:55) Now you're your own boss in some ways.(16:57) Obviously I'm yours, but in both ways, business partners. (17:00) And now you, you don't miss. (17:03) And it's cool because you could, you could get away with a lot.(17:07) Well, yeah, but I know I can't. (17:09) Exactly.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:09) Well, you can't and want your goals.

Alan Lazaros

(17:11) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:11) That's the, that's the duality. (17:12) That's really cool. (17:15) Downsides with everything.(17:16) Downsides with everything. (17:17) All right. (17:17) If one of the downsides you're experiencing is being lonely, Next Level Nation, our private Facebook group.(17:21) If one of the downsides is you feel alone as shit and you don't know who to turn to, Alan has coaching slots available. (17:27) And if there's anybody on the planet who understands what it's like to be a peak performer, it is Alan Lazarus, so he can help you out with that for sure. (17:33) We will have the links for both of those in the show notes.(17:35) As always, we love you. (17:36) We appreciate you. (17:37) Grateful for each and every one of you.(17:38) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because you know we will be here to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(17:45) Keep reaching for your full potential. (17:47) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:49) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (17:53) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(17:56) We mean it when we say family. (17:58) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:01) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(18:05) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.