There’s Nothing Wrong With Having A Chip On Your Shoulder (2222)

The fire that broke us built us. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan share the truth about the “chip on your shoulder” and how it can make or break your success. From childhood chaos to personal triumphs, they reveal the mindset that turns pain into power and struggle into self-mastery. This one’s raw, real, and built to light that inner fire you’ve been ignoring. You’ll walk away seeing your story differently and ready to run the chip before it runs you. Stop hiding your scars, tune in, own them, and rise higher than ever.

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Show notes:
(2:37) Reckless roots of resilience
(6:44) Growing up rough and rising stronger
(10:48) Turning trauma into toughness
(12:16) The gym, the pain, and the fire within
(14:33) Different upbringings, same hunger
(17:50) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:37 Reckless roots of resilience
• 6:44 Growing up rough and rising stronger
• 10:48 Turning trauma into toughness
• 12:16 The gym, the pain, and the fire within
• 14:33 Different upbringings, same hunger
• 17:50 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I was in the gym today, heavy shoulders, little, little twinge in my shoulder. (0:06) I said, Hey, you know what? (0:07) That's what surgery is for.(0:08) I'm going to push right through this. (0:09) I got a little chip in my shoulder when it comes to, when it comes to fitness. (0:12) So I pushed through it.

Alan Lazaros

(0:13) I told Kev, we both were born in challenging situations without dads the whole nine and never take the chip off the shoulder. (0:25) Just make sure the chip isn't running. (0:27) You, you run the chip.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:28) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:31) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:33) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:36) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:42) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:49) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:05) Self-improvement in your pocket every day from anywhere completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:11) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:17) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,222. (1:20) That's a fun one.(1:22) That's a fun one. (1:22) 2,222. (1:24) Oh, nice.(1:25) There's nothing wrong with having a chip on your shoulder. (1:27) It's completely arbitrary, but that's fine. (1:29) It is completely arbitrary, but it is quite a...(1:32) it's not a coincidence if it's supposed to happen.

Alan Lazaros

(1:36) What is it? (1:37) Coincidence actually comes from two things coinciding. (1:41) So, in a way, coincidence is actually supposed to happen, but that's a whole other philosophical discussion.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:46) Interesting. (1:48) All right, enough of that shit. (1:50) All right, there's nothing wrong with having a chip on your shoulder.(1:53) As I said, I was in the gym today pushing it. (1:56) Pushing it, pushing it. (1:56) What were we talking?(1:58) 80s. (1:58) 90s? (1:59) No, no, no, no.

Alan Lazaros

(2:00) Shoulder press. (2:01) I know. (2:01) I know.(2:02) Give me some fucking credit. (2:04) When you said you were pushing it, 80s for shoulder press is really something. (2:07) Three sets of 10.(2:08) Three sets of 10.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:09) Nice. (2:10) 90s, that would be bad for me and my physical body. (2:15) I believe one of the keys to my quote unquote success, because again, I built all this, you know, I built this by myself with my own bare hands, you know, zero help.(2:27) Nobody has been here for me at all. (2:30) I think it's because I'm relatively reckless. (2:34) And I think one of the reasons I'm reckless is the chip on my shoulder.(2:37) I think... (2:38) I remember when we were in high school, we used to have these backyard boxing matches. (2:42) Oh, yeah.(2:43) Remember that? (2:44) I remember. (2:45) I watched them from inside.(2:46) And there was... (2:48) we were in somebody's backyard. (2:52) And I had my first match against him.(2:54) I beat him. (2:55) Nice. (2:56) Beat him.(2:56) I beat him pretty well. (2:57) And there was a big kid there. (2:59) Were you guys using boxing gloves?(3:01) Yes. (3:01) Nice. (3:02) I did.(3:03) I knocked somebody out with a sock one time. (3:06) In... (3:06) I had a buddy named James.(3:08) When we were young, we decided to have a boxing match just with socks on. (3:11) Our hands. (3:12) Yeah.(3:13) And I won. (3:14) Side tangent.

Alan Lazaros

(3:16) Related. (3:18) Me and my buddy growing up. (3:20) And you don't realize this stuff until you're older and how kind of concerning it is.(3:25) He had an older brother four years older than us. (3:28) We used to play Mortal Kombat on the trampoline. (3:30) And I'm telling you, he used to kick the shit out of us.(3:33) I believe it. (3:34) Dude, like, not good. (3:37) I would come home all bloodied up.(3:40) I don't know. (3:40) Sometimes I wonder if... (3:44) A lot of that was fucked up, kind of.(3:45) Yeah, I would say it was past constructive. (3:47) Yeah, it was definitely... (3:48) I remember I got drop kicked off the trampoline repeatedly and I just kept getting up.(3:52) Well, that's you got a chip on your shoulder, baby. (3:53) Yeah, that's what this is.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:55) Yeah, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(3:55) This is going to be some stories that come out, I think, on this one.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:57) So I... (3:58) And we have 12 minutes. (3:59) I boxed...(4:00) Well, there's going to be a part two for this for sure. (4:01) I guarantee. (4:02) I boxed the first kid.(4:05) Put him... (4:05) I didn't put him down, but I won on the judge's scorecard. (4:08) I won the fight.(4:09) Everybody knew. (4:11) And there was a cute boy. (4:12) Everybody knew that I got the vote.(4:14) It was the thumbs up or thumbs down. (4:15) I won. (4:17) Nice.(4:17) And there was a kid there who nobody wanted to fight. (4:21) He was bigger than everybody. (4:23) And I was gaffed.(4:24) Give me the first letter. (4:26) I didn't say the first name. (4:27) Well, I don't care.(4:28) Cool.

Alan Lazaros

(4:29) And I was like, ah, fuck it, I'll do it. (4:30) Senior year, junior year.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:32) Because he didn't get big until junior, senior year. (4:35) He was bigger than everybody else at this point. (4:37) Fair.(4:37) Yeah, he was bigger than everybody else at this point. (4:39) Linebacker. (4:39) And I was like, ah, I'll do it.(4:41) Whatever. (4:42) I'm here. (4:42) We got the gloves.(4:43) I'll do it. (4:44) Nobody else is going to do it. (4:45) I'll do it.(4:45) Somebody's going to do it. (4:46) I'll do it. (4:48) And I used, I wish I had the video.(4:50) We recorded this on VHS. (4:52) We did not. (4:53) I swear to you, we had a VHS recording of this.(4:55) I don't know where it went. (4:56) We lost it. (4:57) This thing would be.

Alan Lazaros

(4:58) That's devastating, dude.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:59) I would pay money for that. (5:00) I would pay good money for that. (5:01) Devastating.(5:04) He swung with the ugliest punch you've ever seen in your entire life and missed. (5:09) But then he came back and he swung this way. (5:13) Yeah.(5:13) And he hit me with his forearm.

Alan Lazaros

(5:16) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:16) And I've never, to this day, I've never been knocked out, but that was the closest. (5:20) I fell and my, I swear my butt hit the ground and I was still standing. (5:24) And if you've never been quote unquote rocked before, it is the weirdest feeling.(5:29) I just remember, I was like, I just want to lay down. (5:31) I just want to lay down, but I didn't. (5:34) I didn't lay down.(5:35) I got one really good punch off on him. (5:37) And then I think we stopped it. (5:39) So I definitely had a concussion.(5:41) I was throwing up out the side of the car on the ride home. (5:43) It was brutal. (5:46) Went home.(5:49) I'm, I think my mom just said, she was like, what happened? (5:52) I was like, the first match went well. (5:54) Second kid, bigger.(5:56) Nobody would do it. (5:56) So I did it. (5:57) And I think she was just like, you're a dumbass.(5:59) Like go, go upstairs and relax. (6:01) Don't go to sleep. (6:02) Because if you have a concussion, I don't know if you're like, whatever.(6:04) I don't know how sound the medical advice was. (6:07) Well, she's a CNA, so she might know something. (6:09) She knows a lot, but I don't know if, if that was sound or not, but yeah, definitely a concussion.

Alan Lazaros

(6:14) I lost.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:14) Definitely don't drink. (6:16) And don't drink. (6:17) Well, there's no, this was, I was sober as a bird.(6:19) I know. (6:20) Oh, I meant like. (6:21) So that's my example.(6:23) That's my example. (6:24) And that is reckless and probably not constructive, but how many things have we done to get here that have been reckless? (6:31) And I wouldn't necessarily recommend other people do.(6:36) So here's what I would share disclaimer.

Alan Lazaros

(6:44) First, I feel like before 26, I had a different life. (6:52) I do my car accident, 26. (6:54) I really, I really got out of there's what's the saying it's you can take the small town.(7:03) You can take the kid out of the small town, but you can't take the small town out of the kid. (7:06) I think one of the reasons I swear a lot is a lot is relative. (7:11) And growing up every other fucking word, man, straight up.(7:17) Now, does that make me less than more than don't care about any of that? (7:21) Here's what I do know. (7:24) My life now is very different.(7:26) I dress nice. (7:29) I'm conscientious. (7:30) I have books in my background.(7:32) I listened to peaceful piano. (7:34) I have enough food in the fridge. (7:37) I consult with multimillionaires.(7:40) Like it's just a better life. (7:41) I mean, it's so different than where I came from. (7:43) Where I came from was a fucking nightmare.(7:46) Holy shit. (7:50) Now, the point that I'm going to make with that, though, without going into any fucking details publicly is there's something in you that's different. (8:01) And I am thinking of someone anonymously right now who grew up in a very good environment where everything was really nice.(8:12) Like overall, you know, you get new clothes. (8:15) Oh, Christmas and new clothes and no one's belligerently drunk and no one's getting beaten and everything's kind of nice. (8:24) You know, it's oh, you know, my first car.(8:29) And it's a new car, brand new fucking car, right?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:33) Oh, that always fucking piss me off.

Alan Lazaros

(8:34) I know. (8:34) Between you and me, dude, mine, when you backed up, it was, you know, we could talk for days. (8:42) And again, you know, we didn't have cable growing up.(8:44) And it's so hard to explain because we had such a nice house that everyone assumed we were rich, but we had no income. (8:53) So we had a house, which is an asset, but we had no income. (8:55) So I got free lunch at school and we had like no money, Kev, none.(9:00) I'm talking like every every Christmas was like scary. (9:06) And how do we keep the house in the family? (9:08) And how am I going to go to college?(9:10) I mean, that was a genuine concern. (9:12) And so at the end of the day, we're still in Massachusetts, which is a wealthier part of the world. (9:17) So it's all relative.(9:18) But like overall, it was, you know, when you say I was on with a client recently, I said zero to 10. (9:26) If your grandfather, this person, Brandon, wouldn't mind me sharing zero to 10, your grandfather, World War II, if he's a 10 of growing up rough, what are you? (9:40) And I need you to be honest with me.(9:43) Like, how hard was it? (9:44) All this stuff. (9:45) I'm not going to share his number.(9:46) Here's my point. (9:47) When you say I grew up rough, I don't think anyone even knows what you're talking about. (9:55) Dude, there's something called an ACE score, adverse childhood experiences, and there's physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual abuses.(10:01) And there's also growing up rough with like not having food and shit like that. (10:05) And at the end of the day, if we could see the statistical bell curve of an ACE score, I had the courage to finally ask my therapist this. (10:19) I said, what do you think?(10:20) Where do you think I fall? (10:21) Zero to 10. (10:21) She said, Alan, it's a 10.(10:24) She said, due to the chronic nature of everything I've heard about you and your childhood, like it's a 10. (10:31) It's the highest I've ever seen. (10:32) And she's been doing therapy for a long time.(10:36) So I know what that means. (10:37) I coach some therapists. (10:38) They hear the worst of the worst.(10:41) And so the chip on the shoulder is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (10:48) It's this idea of anti-fragile. (10:50) There's a book called Anti-Fragile by Nassim Taleb.(10:52) And he says, the more you attack something, the stronger it gets. (10:56) That is something that I always have. (11:00) Like I've been attacked physically and emotionally my whole life.(11:07) And I'll just keep coming back stronger every time, forever, always. (11:11) Every L is another opportunity to get better.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:13) I still think it's the dumbest quote ever of all time.

Alan Lazaros

(11:15) Well, we need to talk about it because that's what the chip is.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:18) I think that the chip is a, it's almost like an acceptance that it's okay to feel a little bit out of control in a way. (11:31) Like, I don't know how to explain it. (11:37) I like going to the gym and I like not knowing if I can lift the weight.(11:41) There's a little piece of me that's like, fuck yeah, this is awesome. (11:44) That, oh, this is the example that I wanted to share when I came up with it. (11:49) I have told the story before how I met my dad when I was 27 and all that.(11:53) And one of the things I had was like a layer of forgiveness. (11:55) It was like, this guy doesn't fucking know. (11:57) He's not a very well-developed human.(11:59) He didn't wake up one day and decide to try to screw up my life. (12:02) Yeah. (12:02) And when I go to a dark place in the gym, I literally did it today.(12:05) You don't think I'm going to fucking be anything? (12:07) I wasn't good enough for you to stay? (12:09) Okay.(12:10) Okay. (12:11) I'll fucking show you. (12:13) You fucking loser.(12:14) I'll show you. (12:16) Let's go. (12:17) I'm so glad you're sharing this.(12:18) I don't hate him. (12:19) Yeah. (12:20) It's not, but I'm tapping into a, excuse me.(12:24) I told this, I told this a while ago, back when I was doing jujitsu, somebody had a choke in and it was on my nose and there was a piece of me. (12:30) Literally, I thought to myself, fucking break it, break it. (12:33) I don't even care.

Alan Lazaros

(12:35) Break it.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:36) I didn't want it to be broken, but it was like, I'm not going to tap. (12:40) So you're going to have, you're going to have to break it. (12:42) You're going to have to break it.(12:43) You're going to have to break it. (12:43) So this is a reckless, reckless.

Alan Lazaros

(12:48) Yeah. (12:50) This is a conversation that we, we want to make sure I want to make sure we share properly going back to this person who grew up in a nice, just nice. (13:00) Everything was nice.(13:01) You know, Chris holidays. (13:02) It's just nice. (13:03) I don't know how to explain it for me.(13:04) That is so foreign, dude. (13:07) It's so foreign for wait, no one got blackout drunk and fucking screamed. (13:12) Like, you know, I just, it's so foreign.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:16) That's why I always feel bad when you say, Oh, you had a rough. (13:19) It's like, I didn't have that. (13:20) No alcohol, no alcoholism, no violence.(13:24) It's all relative. (13:25) I know. (13:25) I know.(13:25) But that's why I was like, well, same agreed.

Alan Lazaros

(13:31) The Richter scale piece. (13:32) This is a good way to explain it. (13:33) If you grow up in California and there's earthquakes every other day.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:36) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:37) And then you are in Massachusetts and there's never earthquakes in Massachusetts. (13:42) If there was an earthquake right now, you and I would be like, what the hell is going on? (13:47) This is, that's bad.(13:48) Whereas in California, they happen all the time. (13:50) So no one even notices. (13:52) Amelia and I, we, we, last night, I kid you not.(13:56) There was her whole tray fell onto the ground and I was immersed in what we were watching. (14:03) And I was like, sweetheart. (14:04) And she's like, don't yell at me.(14:06) I was like, yell at you. (14:11) I said, sweetheart. (14:12) She's like, yeah, but your tonality.(14:14) I was like, okay, fair. (14:17) And I should have been more concerned for her. (14:19) I was, I was a selfish moment.(14:20) It was late at night. (14:21) It was a selfish moment. (14:22) Seriously.(14:22) It was a selfish moment. (14:23) But we had a conversation afterwards where it was like, I mean, that's not yelling. (14:30) She's like, Alan, where you grew up.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:32) Yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(14:33) Very different. (14:34) So everyone has their own Richter scale, but the reckless piece for success, this is a success company, success podcast. (14:41) How do we help you get to the next level?(14:44) If you are like this person, and I've seen many of them, and I told, I told Kevin this straight up. (14:48) If you grew up easy, there's no way this would work. (14:51) People who did not grow up hard.(14:54) I can't even, it's just they're there. (14:56) They don't even mean to be. (14:57) They just, you know, like the guy on the golf course with the boat shoes who is in like the polo, who like grew up with nice everything, who wears Lacoste or whatever it is.(15:10) What is it called? (15:12) You're asking me? (15:13) Yeah, I don't.(15:14) Okay. (15:14) Like I know. (15:15) You just can't with that guy.(15:16) I can't even, it's like you're, um, like someone needs to punch you in the face. (15:21) Well, that's what it's, it's clear. (15:22) You've never really gotten your ass beat.(15:24) You've never really gotten your ass beat and you think you're better than you are. (15:27) And you look down on people. (15:29) It's that, it's that nose up shit.(15:33) And when I, one of the things that I think you and I aspire to is, is to be, uh, more successful, more successful, more successful, but not have that. (15:45) Yes. (15:46) Not have the like, because I, when you grow up in an environment that has a lot of shady characters and, and, or, um, lowly, lowly beginnings, humble beginnings, for lack of better phrasing, you never lose that.(16:03) You never lose the perspective. (16:04) And, and, I mean, I have a Tesla now, dude. (16:07) Do you have, my car drives itself.(16:09) I, I, I didn't buy a brand new car till I was fucking 34. (16:14) I have had used beat up shit boxes my entire life. (16:19) This is fucking awesome.(16:21) I think I have a nice shirt on, dude. (16:23) I don't need much. (16:25) That's why I can win.(16:26) I don't need much of anything. (16:28) And, and because of that, I'm able to sacrifice now because now even sacrificing is still better than what I used to have. (16:35) So I think that there, you have to invest today for a brighter tomorrow.(16:38) And if you grew up already at the top, it's going to be very hard to sacrifice that. (16:43) At the beginning, you and I had nothing to lose because we were already at the bottom.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:47) I, that I still don't agree with that. (16:48) You always have something to lose. (16:50) That's that never lands with me.(16:51) I wasn't really that big of a risk and have that much to lose. (16:53) You did. (16:54) If you have something, you have something to lose.(16:55) We have one Jack Dawson would say, when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. (17:00) Jack Dawson, in fairness, didn't have much. (17:03) The gentleman didn't have much.(17:05) Stud though. (17:06) We could. (17:07) Agreed.(17:08) You know, Jack, you're going to be fine. (17:09) You're, you're handsome. (17:10) We had more than that, but brother.(17:12) We're going to do part two. (17:13) It was reckless. (17:14) What we did was reckless.(17:15) We don't even recommend what we did anymore. (17:17) No, no. (17:18) Still.(17:18) I never did. (17:19) I never did. (17:19) I did for a short time.(17:20) Now I understand how rare it is to this is for everyone. (17:24) Quit your job. (17:25) It's for everyone.(17:27) Be anxious all the time. (17:28) All right. (17:28) We're going to do a part two group, uh, group coaching.(17:31) I don't know why I said that that's running. (17:33) Shout out to group 20. (17:34) You guys are crushing it.(17:35) Book club every Saturday, 1230 Eastern time. (17:38) Next of a nation, private Facebook group, weekly master. (17:41) Sorry.(17:42) Monthly master class. (17:43) I'm all over the place is tonight. (17:45) If you're listening to this, right?(17:47) Thursday. (17:48) No. (17:48) Yeah.(17:48) I'm all fucked up. (17:49) As always, we love you. (17:51) We appreciate you grateful for each and every one of you.(17:54) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here to help you get there. (17:59) Keep reaching for your full potential. (18:01) Next elimination.(18:03) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (18:07) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(18:10) We mean it when we say family. (18:12) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:15) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(18:18) Thank you again.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:20) And we will talk to you tomorrow.