Discomfort Is REQUIRED For Success (2223)

In this no-fluff episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros reveal why the chip on your shoulder isn’t a flaw; it’s your unfair advantage. They get brutally honest about pain tolerance, self-belief, and what it really takes to build something great when comfort calls your name. If you’ve ever been labeled “too much” or “too driven,” this episode will remind you why that’s exactly your power. Own your edge, and turn your chip into unstoppable momentum.

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Show notes:
(3:12) The pain tolerance every entrepreneur needs
(5:46) Goals first Vs. Relationships first
(8:13) The trap of fake grinders
(12:00) Sacrifice and alignment in success
(15:19) Why comfort kills growth
(17:47) Be soft and loving, but hard too
(18:53) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 3:12 The pain tolerance every entrepreneur needs
• 5:46 Goals first Vs. Relationships first
• 8:13 The trap of fake grinders
• 12:00 Sacrifice and alignment in success
• 15:19 Why comfort kills growth
• 17:47 Be soft and loving, but hard too
• 18:53 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Today's episode, we're not going to talk about how amazing we are and how gritty we are and how reckless we have been in the past. (0:06) We did enough of that in yesterday's episode. (0:08) I really want to talk about why having a chip on your shoulder essentially is necessary for a high level of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:15) It really just comes down to, I was thinking about this yesterday and this morning, it comes down to your pain tolerance. (0:22) If you don't have a high pain tolerance, I would be concerned with you starting your own business and I would be less likely to bet on you.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:30) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:33) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:34) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:38) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:44) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:51) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:06) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:13) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:19) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,223. (1:22) No more fun numbers. (1:24) There's nothing wrong with a chip on your shoulder was yesterday's episode.(1:27) We're doing a part two because I feel like we were, I was thinking today, I was like, yeah, that was a little flex. (1:33) I flexed a couple times on how gritty I am. (1:36) And I don't want that to be this episode.(1:38) I want this to be connected to your success more so than ours.

Alan Lazaros

(1:42) Real quick.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:42) Yes. (1:43) I think that's important for people to see. (1:44) I agree.(1:45) I agree. (1:45) I think it's important. (1:47) Sometimes I get lost in that.(1:48) It's like, oh, let's reminisce. (1:50) I want to make sure it's valuable, obviously.

Alan Lazaros

(1:51) But I think it is. (1:53) And again, this is a live conversation Kevin didn't know I wanted to have. (1:57) Brother, we're doing people a disservice, in my honest opinion, when we downplay how gritty you are.(2:04) And me. (2:04) Fair. (2:05) Fair.(2:05) Because without that, this all goes. (2:09) Let's talk some more shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:12) Whatever I said in the beginning, ignore it.

Alan Lazaros

(2:14) We're going to get uncomfortable with it because you don't like boasting. (2:18) And it's not boasting, it just comes off like it.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:20) I want to make sure that anybody watching or listening is able to connect themselves to it. (2:25) I'm happy to use me as an example until the cows come home, as they say, as long as there's tactics at the end. (2:30) All right, well, let's bring some tactics.(2:31) I'm always good with that. (2:33) Pain tolerance. (2:33) Pain tolerance.(2:34) Two reasons I want to do this. (2:35) One, first, sorry, second call for group 20. (2:41) You mentioned how essentially you are all going to be business owners.(2:47) These are all podcasters, many of which who are not creating revenue with their businesses yet. (2:52) Awesome. (2:52) That's how everybody starts.(2:53) And you were talking about how that's necessary. (2:55) You're going to have to deal with some overwhelm and some pain and that type of thing. (2:59) Part one.(3:00) Part two, I saw a reel today that made me laugh. (3:02) It was something along the lines of every business owner has felt this way. (3:06) You wake up one day and you're like, honestly, a nine to five wouldn't be bad.(3:10) It wouldn't be terrible.

Alan Lazaros

(3:12) Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:12) You know that, fuck it. (3:14) That might not be, that might not be the worst idea ever because what is required to wake up and do this over and over and over and over and over again, you have to have a little bit of a chip on your shoulder to say, look, I know this is not normal or it's not the way that a lot of people are doing it, but I want a different journey and I'm willing to put up with that different journey. (3:43) And I know a lot of people, I've worked with a lot of people who just didn't have the chip.(3:48) And when things got hard, they packed their bags and they said, nah, this isn't for me. (3:53) And honestly, maybe it wasn't for them, but they packed their bags and they went and did something else. (3:58) And I've had a lot of people reach back out and say they regretted that.(4:02) So I don't want that for you, whether you're out there watching or listening. (4:05) I think again, this is hard growth and evolution and self-awareness and getting the truth of you and your strengths and your weaknesses and your past and your future. (4:17) Like that's hard as shit.(4:18) And it requires grit. (4:20) And I think it requires a certain level of chip. (4:23) So that's my opening here.(4:25) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(4:28) The person that I talked about in part one, if you have not listened to that, go listen. (4:33) It was, I thought it was a good, I think our warriors came out. (4:37) I would say so.(4:38) I think that, and I said this on group coaching. (4:41) I said, I want to see some of your warriors come out. (4:44) One of my clients, she calls her warrior Viper.(4:47) I said, we need some more of that shit. (4:50) I need to, I need you to be pissed off for excellence. (4:53) I need you to be tenacious.(4:54) You can't, this is not for the timid. (4:56) That's what I would say. (4:59) You can call me a lot of things.(5:00) I've been called a lot of things. (5:02) I've been villainized. (5:02) I get it.(5:03) You would never call me timid. (5:06) You would never, you would never, you'd call me Chungus. (5:08) You would never call me, you, no one would ever say, you know, he really just, he just didn't, you know, he didn't have it.(5:15) He didn't, he didn't like have the passion. (5:17) He didn't have the drive. (5:18) He, you know, he just didn't at a conversation not long ago with my mom about one of my past friends.(5:24) And, uh, she's like, yeah, he just didn't have it. (5:26) And I was like, what do you mean? (5:28) Like, I'm with you and I get it now, but like, what do you mean?(5:31) She said, he just didn't have the drive. (5:34) Like you have so much drive. (5:38) I don't know where the fuck that comes from.(5:41) I was so afraid that when I did therapy and I healed, I was afraid it was going to get smaller. (5:46) I literally told my therapist, like, I am genuinely concerned about losing my edge. (5:50) I call it my edge, beat me up, villainize me, attack me, bully me, beat the fuck out of me.(5:57) That's happened many times. (5:59) I'm coming back stronger every fucking time. (6:01) And I can't wait to see you be like, what the fuck?(6:05) How did you do that? (6:07) Like, that's the warrior. (6:08) That's the, that's the part that I think you need in this business.(6:12) Now you can turn the warrior into abusing other people and being a horrible person, or you can listen. (6:20) Some people are toxic and they channel their warrior to abuse. (6:25) Other people channel that motherfucker to their goals.(6:29) What's the downside?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:30) What's the, so outside of that, what's the downside?

Alan Lazaros

(6:33) You destroy your relationships unintentionally because you're so tenacious. (6:35) You're so focused on your goals that your relationships suffer because, and this is what I'll share briefly, and we'll go back to pain, tolerance. (6:44) We'll go back to pain.(6:45) Born in it, molded by it. (6:48) Born in the dark. (6:50) No, so some people are goals first.(6:53) I think there's three types of people in the world. (6:54) I'm really going to give you this. (6:56) This is what I do with my clients behind the scenes.(6:57) I've never shared this on the podcast before. (6:59) Here we go. (7:00) The first type of person is the rarest.(7:03) It's the person who is goals first, relationships second. (7:07) And they're scared of that because you're the rarest and you don't belong and people, that's me. (7:14) That's Emilia.(7:15) We basically are in relationship for goals. (7:20) Our goals come first, our relationships come second. (7:22) That's best way to think of it.(7:23) We both, we care about both. (7:25) I remember one time you said, Alan, you don't care about friendship. (7:27) No bull fucking shit.(7:28) I care about goals more. (7:30) And by the way, my goals are to change the world. (7:33) So therefore it's good for people, but that's a whole nother conversation.(7:35) Okay. (7:35) So goals first, relationships second, every listener out there, please figure out which one you really are. (7:40) And trust me, it's a flex to be the one I am.(7:43) I promise you it's different than you think. (7:45) And I promise you, if you're not it, you can pretend your whole life and not, it's not a good idea, but you say it's a flex or not a flex. (7:51) It's a flex.(7:52) It's a flex. (7:53) The Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Tom Brady, Serena Williams, um, Beyonce, all these people are like, they are goals first relationship second. (8:02) And it's a flex to be that quote unquote society.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:07) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(8:07) Yeah. (8:08) Um, but I think it's wildly unfulfilling if you're not actually that way, you're not wired that way. (8:13) Right.(8:13) I'm wired different. (8:14) You've said that it, what you're really saying is you basically don't care about anything, quality of life almost at all. (8:22) And the ironic part about that is my quality of life will actually be really good because of it.(8:26) It's like a fascinating thing. (8:28) Okay. (8:28) So goals first relationship second is number one.(8:31) That is the rarest. (8:32) I'm talking maybe 1% because only 3% of people statistically even have written goals. (8:39) So, I mean, maybe 1% are goals first relationship.(8:42) Second, the second is the opposite, which is relationships first goals. (8:46) Second. (8:47) So person one type one is goals first and their relationships are a by-product of their goals.(8:54) That's me. (8:55) I was in the gym last night. (8:57) I saw one of our old mutual friends.(8:59) I'm not friends with this man anymore because I now realize I can't sustain that relationship. (9:03) Right? (9:04) So I saw him, I made sure not to make eye contact him too.(9:07) And we just not, and it's, it begins with a T, you know what I'm talking about. (9:11) Um, the, the reason why I hurt so many of my relationships unintentionally is I was in it for the mutual goals. (9:19) They were in it for the relationship.(9:21) So I have an ex admin that she wanted to be friends. (9:25) I wanted to her to be my EA and we, she was really good as an EA. (9:30) So it was like we would hang out and we would work and then we would eat food and watch Harry Potter.(9:35) I love Harry Potter. (9:36) I love food, but I was there for the work. (9:38) She was there for the food in Harry Potter.(9:40) That's a good metaphor. (9:41) So goals first people who are goals first, their relationships are a by-product of their goals. (9:46) You and I's relationship is entirely predicated on our mutual goals.(9:50) You had a mutual goal to be a podcaster. (9:53) You want to be Joe Rogan, quote unquote, and I want it to be successful in podcasting and in the self help self personal development space. (9:59) Okay.(9:59) Goals. (10:00) First relationship. (10:00) Second rarest.(10:01) The most common is relationships. (10:04) First goal. (10:04) Second people who are relationships.(10:06) First goal. (10:07) Second, their goals are actually a by-product of their relationship. (10:10) Meaning if you have relationships with people who have goals, all of a sudden you have goals too, but they're not, you have, okay.(10:16) No idea what you're talking about. (10:17) That's where you're going to, I'm going to ask you in a second. (10:20) What, why do you have to?(10:22) Okay. (10:22) Um, the third type, and this is the scary type and this is the one you have to watch out for. (10:27) This is the one that fucking hoodwinked me so bad.(10:31) We call them fake GRs. (10:34) So it's GR goals, relationships. (10:36) It's RG relationship goals, syntax, and then it's fake GRs.(10:41) Fake GRs are people who pretend that they have huge goals and, and they pretend that they are extraordinary and they pretend that they're hardworking. (10:52) They are only hardworking when people are watching. (10:55) I'm not hardworking only when people watch.(10:58) I'm way more hardworking and way more intense when no one's watching. (11:02) Other people are the opposite. (11:04) When we travel together, you and me, it's very clear you're RG.(11:08) It's obvious. (11:10) That's okay. (11:11) I never lied about it.(11:12) You never did.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:13) That's my favorite. (11:14) That's why we were guys, brother. (11:15) That is why we work.(11:17) Alan said something recently. (11:18) He's like, I might change one of my, my longterm net worth goals. (11:21) And I was like, I'm not gonna, I'm not interested.(11:24) I don't want to, because I don't know what that will require. (11:27) But like, at some point, do I have to golf less? (11:29) Do I have to golf less?(11:30) No, it's not even that. (11:31) It's just like, I don't fucking want to sign up for that. (11:34) I, at some point, I think we should do an episode on like delusion again, another episode on delusion.(11:40) Cause I'm realizing more and more that that is like, you are a RG who owns it.

Alan Lazaros

(11:45) And that's why, that's why you're going to win. (11:49) In my opinion, the fake GRs are always pretending though.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:53) I think it's still less because I, how many relationships have I gotten rid of? (11:56) Cause it didn't align with my goals a lot.

Alan Lazaros

(12:00) I think it's, it's still, it's RG for sure. (12:02) You're naturally wired RG, but you've basically decided I want to be, yeah, I will, I will sacrifice relationships if I have to. (12:09) And here's the thing.(12:10) And I know people are going to hate this. (12:11) You have to, I, I, I ran into someone last night that there's no way we could be buddy, buddy, like we used to no way. (12:19) I used to party with this guy.(12:21) We'd go out. (12:22) I mean, no way. (12:24) Yeah.(12:24) And, and I, it's very obvious in hindsight that that was my biggest bottleneck, at least when it came to achieving my goals.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:31) I was talking to Tara and I were having a conversation. (12:33) I went and saw my mom in memes last weekend.

Alan Lazaros

(12:36) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:36) And I was like, do you believe that we have 70 clients and you believe next level podcast solutions as 70 clients? (12:44) And then I told him what? (12:45) Yeah.(12:46) I remember when we had one, they were blown away. (12:49) Nice. (12:50) They were blown away.(12:51) They said, uh, you should really, you should get another job. (12:55) I remember when I told me my, I was leaving. (12:57) She's like, you're going to find another job.(12:58) And I was like, I'm not, I will not have another job. (13:00) I'll die before I go get another job. (13:02) Not a chance.(13:02) I can't even imagine. (13:04) And you almost did die. (13:06) I almost did several times, but this was, this was 2018.(13:08) This was a long time ago. (13:10) This was a long time ago. (13:11) What is, why did I bring that up?(13:13) Isn't it wild that 2018 is a long time ago? (13:14) I know. (13:15) I brought that up because Tara and I were having a conversation and I was like, my, I mean, my mom has always supported me in the way she could.(13:23) And then we were talking about how, uh, what the first, uh, the job I got where I got paid really well, the first job I ever worked for that company. (13:33) I met my boss for the second time.

Alan Lazaros

(13:35) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:35) I'd only met him one time. (13:37) I got in a car with him. (13:38) We drove however, 12 hours from Boston to Wilmington, Delaware moved into a house with five strangers I had never met and then woke up and went to do a job that I had never done because what we were doing was not what I was taught.(13:52) And that was me saying, I fuck everything else. (13:54) I'm going to be successful. (13:55) I need to go do this.(13:57) It would be stupid of me not to do this. (13:59) Nice. (13:59) I don't care if I have to live somewhere else.

Alan Lazaros

(14:02) It's reckless. (14:02) That, that, I think this is one of the things, the RG people, if you're out there listening and you are RG, that's okay. (14:09) Own it.(14:10) You wouldn't do that. (14:11) When you and I lived in Florida for a month during the holidays back then, that was blasphemy. (14:16) It was like, how, what do you mean you guys aren't going to be around for your families?(14:18) Listen, Kevin and I don't have a normal family.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:20) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(14:21) And I, you and I have never had a normal family life.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:24) I know everybody else has their two weeks off for Christmas. (14:27) I don't, there's none of that.

Alan Lazaros

(14:28) I don't have any time off.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:30) You don't have PTO? (14:31) Yeah, no. (14:31) That's too bad.(14:32) You should talk to your boss.

Alan Lazaros

(14:33) I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any PTO.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:36) I don't have anything. (14:37) There is no TO. (14:38) Zero.(14:39) Zero TO.

Alan Lazaros

(14:39) Zero TO.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:41) Okay. (14:42) I know we only have a couple minutes. (14:43) Tactics.

Alan Lazaros

(14:44) Yeah. (14:44) Man. (14:46) Check in with that.(14:47) For me, my takeaway is that, are you goals first, relationships second, and kidding yourself? (14:52) Which was me. (14:52) I was basically trying to, like, I was trying to be RG.(14:55) My whole life, I was trying to belong and be RG. (14:58) And then at 26, I decided to can that and I decided to own who I am. (15:03) Or are you RG trying to be fake GR?(15:07) So are your goals a by-product of your relationships like Kevin? (15:11) Or are your relationships a by-product of your goals like me?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:15) I would say tap into the darkness. (15:19) Occasionally go to a dark place, whatever that means for you. (15:21) I was born in it.(15:22) I was born in it. (15:23) Molded by it. (15:23) Molded by it.(15:24) Whatever that means to you.

Alan Lazaros

(15:25) You merely adopted the dark.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:27) I think it's going to mean something different to everybody. (15:30) Honestly, because, here's why. (15:33) Because it almost is not, at this point, it's almost not intuitive to grow.(15:41) Because everything is so easy, not easy, I mean obviously life still has its challenges, but like, oh you want food? (15:49) Press a button. (15:50) Oh you want something?(15:51) Alright, we'll have it to you this afternoon. (15:52) Here you go, do this. (15:53) You don't want to call and talk to somebody?(15:55) That's alright, you can do anything through text and or chat support. (15:59) Now you want to make a doctor's appointment? (16:01) There's an app for that.(16:02) You want to go on a date? (16:04) There's an app for that. (16:05) You know, you have to talk to the person before you meet them.(16:06) You have to override that. (16:08) You gotta try to make things harder. (16:09) That, I think that would be my tactic, is understand that the path of least resistance is quite literally being designed in our everyday lives.(16:17) You and I, somebody said this the other day, they're like, you must see Alan all the time, right? (16:21) And I said, no, I see him once, twice a year, max. (16:24) I said everything's virtual because it's just easier.(16:27) I mean it's the lowest barrier to entry. (16:28) I don't have to leave my house, he doesn't have to leave his house. (16:31) That's really good for this and it's really good for optimizing time, but what makes life easier also makes us potentially weaker.(16:41) That sometimes you have to intentionally do something really really hard with the thought of I'm going to suffer and there might not be any other quote unquote upside other than thickening my skin, so to speak. (16:52) Last piece. (16:53) Yes, please.(16:53) Gotta jump. (16:54) Yep.

Alan Lazaros

(16:56) Emilia and I were out in a thunderstorm apparently and we were on with her mom and her mom's like, it's a nor'easter. (17:04) Why aren't you guys wearing more? (17:05) Like, why aren't you in raincoats?(17:06) And it's like barely sprinkling. (17:08) I'm like, what? (17:09) Vicky, we're fine.(17:11) We're fine. (17:12) I appreciate it. (17:13) We're fine.(17:13) We love that shit. (17:15) Yeah. (17:16) Dude, I love it.(17:18) And you know what I love? (17:19) In our neighborhood, nobody else is out. (17:21) Nobody.(17:22) Dude, it's a beautiful sunny day. (17:24) We went for a walk earlier. (17:25) We only got 10 minutes in because we both have calls, but people everywhere.(17:29) Not, not, not a ton of people. (17:30) We saw two fucking people, right? (17:32) It's not a huge neighborhood, but the point is, is when it's raining and snowing and sleeting and all, it's like, it's just us, dude, it's just us out there.(17:39) I don't give a fuck if it's midnight. (17:40) I don't care if it's below 20, I'm going out there. (17:43) I, the weather does not dictate what I do and don't do.(17:47) That ain't it. (17:48) I want it to be fucking hard and I want to make it harder. (17:51) That's every workout is.(17:52) That's how you, you can't get soft folks with love. (17:56) I want you to be soft and loving and warm and vulnerable and a wonderful human. (17:59) I want you to be, you better be fucking hard too.(18:02) You need both. (18:03) You need both in business. (18:05) If you're soft, you're going to get eaten alive by the sharks, sharks, scary things.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:12) Definitely. (18:13) You know, sure. (18:14) Stay out of the water.(18:15) No sharks on land. (18:16) Stay out of the water. (18:17) All right.(18:18) If you are looking to get into a book club of people that are into challenging conversations into self-awareness, into evolution, learning, growing all that happy jazz every single Saturday, 1230 Eastern time. (18:30) What book are you doing right now? (18:31) Ah, rationality.(18:33) Rationality. (18:33) One of Alan's favorite books. (18:34) That is my favorite book.(18:35) Most heavy one. (18:36) Most important book. (18:37) It's a heavy one for sure.(18:38) Yeah. (18:38) So you do not have to have read the book. (18:40) You can be a fly in the wall.(18:41) It's just deep talks with people who want to have deep talks. (18:44) Next Level Nation, private Facebook group with amazing people and nextleveluniverse.com. (18:49) It has all the stuff, coaching, all that happy jazz.(18:51) We'll have all the links in the show notes below. (18:53) As always, we love you. (18:54) We appreciate you.(18:55) Grateful for each and every one of you. (18:56) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because you know we will be here to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(19:03) Keep reaching for your full potential and doing hard shit. (19:07) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:08) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (19:12) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(19:15) We mean it when we say family. (19:17) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:20) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(19:24) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.