The 3 Types Of Development (2229)

In this high-energy episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down the three essential types of development every person needs to succeed. They share hilarious stories from college, dating, and their early careers that prove why being likable, competent, and self-aware are all crucial, but rarely mastered together. You’ll learn how to identify your strengths, uncover your blind spots, and build a life that’s not just successful, but complete. This episode will make you rethink what it really means to “have it all.” Hit play and realign your growth today.

Learn more about:
👥 Grow together, rise higher. Join our Facebook community “Next Level Nation” - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

📚 Think deeper, grow faster. Join our “Next Level Book Club”  – Every Saturday –
https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJMkcuiupjIqE9QlkptiKDQykRtKyFB5Jbhc

_______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:32) Why social skills matter more than you think
(6:55) The power of knowing yourself
(8:07) What homeschooling teaches about social skills
(12:26) Why likability can be a business edge
(17:00) Personal Vs. Professional strengths
(22:47) Authenticity Vs. Professionalism
(36:58) Owning who you truly are
(40:03) Finding your order of growth
(42:33) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:32 Why social skills matter more than you think
• 6:55 The power of knowing yourself
• 8:07 What homeschooling teaches about social skills
• 12:26 Why likability can be a business edge
• 17:00 Personal Vs. Professional strengths
• 22:47 Authenticity Vs. Professionalism
• 36:58 Owning who you truly are
• 40:03 Finding your order of growth
• 42:33 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Upon reflection, I realized that many of the opportunities that I got, especially when I was younger, were not based on my understanding of myself, they were not based on my understanding of the world, they were based on my understanding of other people, and a lot of that had to do with my personality. (0:15) We're going to talk a little bit about some of that stuff today.

Alan Lazaros

(0:18) You've got personal development, you've got professional development, and then you've got social development, and you need all three. (0:26) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:29) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:31) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:34) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:40) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:47) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:03) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:09) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:15) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2,229, the three types of development. (1:21) I know what you're probably thinking if you're watching this on YouTube, Kev, why does it look like you're recording this on a potato? (1:27) Something happened and my camera has died, the battery died, so it is charging.(1:35) And this is the best we could do. (1:36) And this is what happens when you say you're going to do something every day and you're never going to miss. (1:40) Sometimes it is sub-optimal.(1:42) So that is why I look like I'm on a potato. (1:45) Sub-optimal. (1:46) It's a great word.(1:46) Sub-optimal. (1:47) Is that one word you think? (1:48) Hyphenated?(1:49) Yes. (1:50) Okay. (1:51) All right, you wanted to do this episode.

Alan Lazaros

(1:53) Why? (1:54) Yeah, so I do relationship talks coaching with Emilia and we've done that for five years now. (2:07) Yeah, we started in 2020.(2:11) And while the majority of my coaching of my 22 clients, very grateful, is business and success oriented, there is some that is overlapping with dating. (2:24) So at the Conscious Couples Podcast, we primarily coach conscious couples, but we also have some conscious singles who want to attract their dream partner. (2:32) And you and I, Health, Wealth & Love, we used to talk a lot about love and communication and trust and empathy and vulnerability and all these things.(2:40) And I have been coaching two individuals in particular a lot on dating. (2:45) And a couple of things that I want to share. (2:47) Number one, I am so grateful that I am done with dating.(2:51) Holy crap, it's wild out there. (2:53) So for any conscious singles out there, I feel you. (2:58) Hang on to hope.(3:00) You can attract and find and yeah, find your person. (3:06) That said, I've been trying to help these individuals and one client in particular, two of them really, it's sort of taking them through the different steps of dating. (3:19) And the first step is, hey, my name is Alan, what's your name?(3:22) And then it's first date, second date, third date, boom, boom, boom, these sort of steps. (3:25) And the first date is during the day, tea or coffee, go for a walk, cash, keep it cash, don't break the touch barrier, no kissing yet, none of that. (3:35) Second date, a little more intimate, maybe dinner in the evening, late afternoon, boom, maybe a movie, third date, boom, boom, boom.(3:42) And what I've come to realize is that you need all three of these in order to be successful holistically in life. (3:53) Back in my engineering days, I went to college with some of what I refer to now as super nerds. (3:59) We were mining for Bitcoin in 2008 in my dorm room.(4:04) And one of my close friends and roommates was on tech TV when he was 14 and that kind of crowd.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:10) Tech TV throwback.

Alan Lazaros

(4:12) Yeah, right. (4:12) And I came from a partying lifestyle where in high school I threw a lot of parties and I had a lot of insane times. (4:26) And when I went to college, these quote unquote super nerds didn't really have very good social skills.(4:35) And I remember there would be, I went to school in Worcester, I went to college in Worcester, and there's, it's called the Worcester Consortium. (4:41) There's like 15 colleges in the Worcester Consortium. (4:44) There's Clark University.(4:45) There's WPI. (4:47) There's Assumption. (4:49) There's Becker College.(4:50) I don't think that exists anymore. (4:51) There's a ton of colleges. (4:52) And Worcester State, I had some friends that went there and we would bring them to the parties.(4:56) And I remember some of my friends that were girls would be like, hey, your roommate is kind of creeping me out. (5:03) He's being kind of weird. (5:05) And I would say to them, I said, listen, they're harmless.(5:07) They're just, they just don't know how to talk to girls. (5:09) And this is a playful story. (5:12) But to bring it to our listeners, the point of this episode is social skills matter and they matter a lot.(5:20) And I would bring some of my friends from high school and they went to state schools like UMass Amherst and Bridgewater State and all these different things. (5:26) And my friends from home were always better at talking to and socializing, but not nearly as good at professional development. (5:34) So my friends from college were very high on professional development, resumes, cover letters, LinkedIn.(5:42) I remember when you and I first got together in business, I said, dude, everybody has a LinkedIn. (5:47) What are you talking about? (5:47) He's like, brother, nobody, nobody.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:49) What do we do? (5:50) We do it. (5:50) I still, to this day, I don't even know why I have one.

Alan Lazaros

(5:53) I don't think there's a single person that I went to college with that didn't have a LinkedIn. (5:57) I don't know if there's a single person I worked at the gas station with that has one. (6:02) Okay, all right.(6:03) So and Kevin and I came from different worlds, but also the same world in a way. (6:07) We grew up in the same small town, born and raised in Massachusetts, right? (6:09) So what a weird life this has been.(6:12) But back to the listener, personal development is about yourself understanding your uniqueness. (6:17) If you are a nerd, own it. (6:18) If you're not a nerd, own it.(6:20) If you're a jock, own it. (6:21) Whatever it is, personal development. (6:23) That's the self-improvement.(6:25) That's the personal development. (6:26) It's personal. (6:26) That's about you.(6:28) You have to understand yourself. (6:29) The second one is professional development. (6:33) You have to understand the world.(6:34) You have to understand the economy. (6:35) You have to understand how it works, business to business, business to consumer, products and services, how this all, how do you get a better job? (6:43) How do you rise in the ranks?(6:44) How do you, what's the difference between corporate and entrepreneurship? (6:48) And so you have professional development, which is resume, cover letter, LinkedIn, outside world stuff. (6:55) Personal development, which is humility, courage, vulnerability, character, habits, goals, your life, you understanding yourself, self-awareness.(7:04) And then you have this third circle of the Venn diagram that we just don't talk about much, which is the social development. (7:14) And we know some people that homeschool and there's this whole thing around homeschooling where, well, they're not going to get the social skills they need because you and I both went to public school. (7:25) And while the public school was really good in some ways, it was atrocious and others in my honest opinion.(7:31) But one of the things that I think people are afraid of about homeschooling and for anyone out there who homeschools, I am not attacking you in any regard. (7:37) This is just me contemplating live. (7:39) What about the social skills?(7:42) I have a client who his kids go to private school and he and I have been talking a lot about building our family. (7:47) Where do we want to live and where do we want our kids to go to school? (7:51) And we don't have any children on the way or anything.(7:53) We're just planning in the future. (7:55) And what are the best school systems? (7:57) Do we want to homeschool or do we want to do public school or do we want to pay for private school?(8:00) All this kind of stuff. (8:01) You and I are very proactive about all this because over the next decade, we're going to start a family. (8:07) And I've been thinking a lot about this of if you want to be really successful in life, this is a success podcast.(8:12) You have to be really fucking good at all three of these. (8:16) If you could only have one, what would you pick?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:19) I've been waiting to say that the whole time. (8:23) And how has that changed over the years?

Alan Lazaros

(8:25) If it has, dude, that's like, if you could only have one, you got to go with personal development. (8:35) If you could only have one and then it would be professional development and then it would be social development, but you're pretty much not going to be successful unless you have all three in a way, holistically successful. (8:48) I think personal carries over to, to relations to a degree.(8:52) They all, they all merge. (8:53) It, and I do think this is important to say a Venn diagram picture, three circles. (8:59) One of them is professional development.(9:01) One of them is personal development. (9:03) One of them is social development. (9:05) If you're really good at the social world and relationships, and you're really good at understanding yourself and habits and personal development, and you're really good at resume, cover letter, corporate understanding the economy, you're going to be very sick.(9:20) Like you're going to be very successful. (9:22) Those are three, three really important things that I, I mean, your strongest, you have a very strong social development. (9:32) I think when you and I were at parties in the past before we started working together and you know, everybody loves Kev.(9:38) That's what I say. (9:39) Like everybody loves Kev. (9:40) You're funny, you're fun.(9:41) Oh yeah, for sure. (9:42) It is exhausting. (9:43) Yeah.(9:43) But I think that you weren't super professionally developed and that was, that was the bottleneck. (9:52) Social development was great. (9:53) Everybody liked you.(9:54) Everybody loved you. (9:55) You, you could, you could converse. (9:56) You could talk to people.(9:58) You could communicate effectively. (10:00) And then personal development was coming, but professional development was just fucking terrible to be completely honest. (10:06) I love the fact that you said converse.(10:07) You could converse. (10:09) Yeah. (10:09) That word got me.(10:11) Well, real quick, you had avid fishermen on your resume. (10:13) Like this is, and I'm not making fun of Kevin. (10:15) I need to make this clear.(10:16) Kevin's the man. (10:17) But what the fuck are you thinking?

Kevin Palmieri

(10:19) Wanted them to know, outside of, outside of work, I'm going to put in a hard 40 for you. (10:26) Outside, I'm going to, I'm going to be catching some fish.

Alan Lazaros

(10:29) Yeah. (10:30) That's important. (10:31) What do you think is the most important of the three?

Kevin Palmieri

(10:33) Man, I made six figures with only one really. (10:40) So I would say that. (10:42) Brother.(10:43) No, I don't think that's the most. (10:44) You got lucky son. (10:45) I'm kidding.

Alan Lazaros

(10:45) I did. (10:46) No. (10:46) People liked you.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:47) People liked you. (10:47) So many of the opportunities. (10:48) When I, so I was working at a company, I was, I was a forklift operator, certified forklift operator, of course, truck driver.(10:58) And I actually very much enjoy that job. (11:00) The only thing I didn't like is they wanted you to work like 80 hours a week. (11:03) And it was like, I don't, I don't want to come wake up at five o'clock in the morning on a Saturday.(11:08) Now I do that for a living every Saturday. (11:10) So that's, I should have stayed. (11:12) No, but when I left that job and I went to the fire Academy, the only reason I got hired by the guy I got hired by is because we just got along really well.(11:23) And he, he liked me. (11:24) And that was so many of the opportunities I've gotten. (11:27) I'm telling you right now, a lot of the clients that I get really close with, it's because we just get along really well.(11:34) They, every time I, you've never, you've never heard this. (11:37) This will be check for, for the golf. (11:39) Every time I log in with one of our biggest clients, first thing he asks is how's golf every time, every single time.(11:47) Yeah. (11:47) And there's, I've said this to people before there as an entrepreneur, as a dream chaser, whatever it is you're doing, some people will work with you just because they like you more than other people. (11:58) I've, I have asked, there was a client that we've been working with for the last, like year started off doing episodes every other week, going up to weekly in the new year.(12:08) And when I first did a breakthrough session with them, they said, Hey, I want to work with somebody. (12:12) What is, what do you do? (12:14) How much does it cost?(12:14) All that. (12:18) And they followed up and said, Hey, we want to work with you guys. (12:21) And I said, can I ask why?(12:23) And they're like, yeah, we just like you better. (12:24) It's like, okay, cool. (12:26) That was it.(12:26) That is why they, they work with us. (12:28) So there is an aspect of that, that I think is under that they're not aware of too.

Alan Lazaros

(12:33) Like you can't just be likable. (12:34) You also have to be competent. (12:35) Well, yes, but let's just say we're all the brand trust as competent.(12:39) Exactly. (12:39) Yeah. (12:39) Right.(12:40) It's a, it's a competitive advantage if everything else is equal.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:42) For sure. (12:43) If that's the, if that's the thing that knocks it over the edge, I would probably say personal development. (12:46) I think personal development, we both agree with that.(12:49) Yeah, that's good. (12:50) Yeah. (12:50) You got to know yourself pretty successful.(12:53) Are you ever going to be the best and the best of the best of the best? (12:55) No, probably not. (12:56) But yeah, but you can get really good at, cause here's the problem.(13:01) Okay. (13:01) People like you. (13:02) Awesome.(13:03) Well, they're going to get you opportunities that you can't actually convert. (13:06) So you could, I've, I know people that are super likable that people would just help them. (13:11) And it's like, Oh yeah, I got a job for you.(13:12) I got a job for you. (13:13) And it never worked out because they just weren't that competent. (13:16) Unfortunately, personal development, you are developing yourself personally, and you're most likely going to be a very positive opportunity in every room.(13:28) You're in, you're going to get opportunities because you worked really hard on yourself. (13:31) What are you smiling about? (13:33) My shit ass.(13:34) Did you hear that outside? (13:35) No. (13:36) Oh, I'm pretty sure the trash and recycling is here.(13:39) Let's take people behind the scenes. (13:41) This is the second time we've tried to record this episode. (13:43) First time Alan's wifi was six ways to Sunday, just Jeffed.(13:49) Yeah. (13:50) We have solved it. (13:51) Then yeah.(13:51) New, different laptop. (13:52) Then as that was working, my camera just died completely. (13:57) And then middle of the episode, in the middle of the episode.(14:00) So yeah, it's been an interesting, it's been an interesting day.

Alan Lazaros

(14:02) This episode is going very well.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:04) You think so? (14:05) Yeah. (14:05) It's for sure.(14:06) Tech wise. (14:07) Yeah. (14:07) Tech wise.(14:08) Yeah. (14:08) Content wise. (14:09) Let us know tech wise though.(14:11) Everything is so far so good. (14:13) Yeah. (14:13) Personal development's my answer.

Alan Lazaros

(14:14) Same. (14:15) Okay. (14:15) So personal development is number one.(14:17) Start there. (14:19) Professional development and social development. (14:22) I think it depends.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:23) I think that depends on the, I think it's contextual based on the goals. (14:26) Yeah. (14:27) Depends on the goals.(14:29) You have, you have a daycare. (14:31) You better be personal.

Alan Lazaros

(14:32) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:33) I don't care if you know the gross domestic product of every, it doesn't matter. (14:38) When I drop my fucking kids off, I need you to be able to hold a conversation with me. (14:43) Because if not, I'm going down the street.(14:45) Most likely. (14:46) But you're not going to scale it if you don't have professional development. (14:50) Well, but I, yeah.(14:51) So it's almost like, what is number one? (14:54) What is your biggest strength? (14:55) What is the one that maybe you're okay at?(14:57) Nice. (14:58) And then what is the one that is just terrible? (15:00) That is, what is the bottleneck essentially?

Alan Lazaros

(15:02) Let's answer that for you before. (15:05) Kev pre-NLU, pre-hyperconscious. (15:08) What's the personal label?(15:10) Personal development is self-awareness, core values.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:14) No, no, what's the personal, the relationship one? (15:17) What's that label?

Alan Lazaros

(15:18) Social development.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:18) Social development was number one for me. (15:21) For sure.

Alan Lazaros

(15:22) Yeah. (15:23) Agreed. (15:23) Yeah.(15:24) You're good with the people? (15:25) I was good with the people.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:26) Look, I, you know, for all the shit I've talked about pumping gas, I got really good at knowing people and communicating. (15:35) I talked to hundreds of people a day. (15:38) Some people that were amazing and super good moods.(15:40) Other people that were having the worst days of their lives. (15:43) Other people that loved me, other people that didn't like me. (15:45) It was, I mean, that was a really good opportunity for me to just get to know human beings.

Alan Lazaros

(15:51) Yeah. (15:53) I talked in the past about being a chameleon and sort of losing myself and being everything for everyone and 12 fraternities, five sororities, every club, intramurals, the whole nine. (16:03) It's not every club by any means.(16:06) But it was too much. (16:07) It was too much. (16:08) High school friends to college, college friends to corporate.(16:11) I think I developed a ton of social skills, even though I wasn't consciously working on it. (16:19) And then the dating thing, let's go back to that for a second. (16:22) In middle school, we talked about AIM on the last episode.(16:26) AOL instant messenger for the youngins. (16:28) That was this episode. (16:30) That's what I meant.(16:30) But yeah, yeah. (16:31) The lap. (16:31) Oh yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:32) The last time we tried to record this episode.

Alan Lazaros

(16:33) Yeah, yeah. (16:34) Yeah. (16:36) And you just threw massive pain and failure and you just go learn how to talk to people.(16:43) You learn how to talk to women. (16:44) You learn how to have your boys. (16:50) I just, I don't think I ever consciously worked on social skills.(16:53) I think it was just kind of, for me, it was always about focusing on professional development. (16:58) So for me, it was professional first. (17:00) So you were a social development first, and then personal development was next.(17:05) And then professional development was third, which is why you put that you were an avid fisherman on your resume. (17:11) I was. (17:11) World class.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:12) That was great.

Alan Lazaros

(17:13) I was not world class and you know it. (17:15) I was really good at fishing back in the day. (17:17) Fair, fair.(17:17) We did reel them in that time. (17:20) Nine for me, seven for you.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:22) I'm rusty. (17:24) I'm talking, I had all, I had the spinner bait. (17:28) I had all the stuff.(17:29) I had different types of line. (17:31) I had everything. (17:32) I knew, I researched it.(17:35) Warm water, they go deep or whatever it was. (17:38) Cold water, they go. (17:38) I had all of it.(17:40) I had all of it, brother.

Alan Lazaros

(17:41) All right, real quick, everybody. (17:43) That is, that is. (17:45) Yeah, I know, I know.(17:46) I'm messing with you. (17:47) All right, you needed personal development and you definitely needed professional development. (17:54) And we didn't know this back then.(17:57) I had professional development for sure. (18:00) I remember we'd go to career fairs. (18:01) I'd dress in a suit and I'd interview.(18:05) I remember I spoke, the Asian long-horned beetle was destroying the trees in Worcester and I did my international qualifying project and the state senators of Massachusetts and the mayor of Worcester were there and we had to present in front of like 80 people and I was the one who opened and I was in a suit. (18:25) And so professional development was just the focus. (18:29) Kev makes fun of me in law class.(18:31) I came in a full suit as a lawyer and he was on the jury and did not, did not vote the correct way.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:38) That's the thing right there, right? (18:39) Like you gotta know the audience.

Alan Lazaros

(18:41) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:42) Gotta know the audience.

Alan Lazaros

(18:44) When we went to speak in Wisconsin, the juniors and seniors, we spoke to the middle schoolers, freshmen and sophomores, and then juniors and seniors. (18:56) And you and I agree in hindsight that the juniors and seniors were kind of making fun of us. (19:02) Yeah.(19:03) Yeah. (19:04) Is there something about professional development that was made fun of back in our day? (19:10) Definitely.(19:10) It's almost like being well-kept is a bad thing.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:14) I've never understood that. (19:16) There's something weird about you trying, not you, the collective you trying to say that you've figured life out more than other people. (19:23) With somebody at that age that has such an ego, it's like they don't, they don't know how much there is to learn.(19:32) If I today, 36 year old Kev went to Uxbridge high school when I was a freshman, junior, whatever, I would be like, who the fuck is this guy? (19:44) Get out of here. (19:45) Like what time are we getting dismissed?(19:46) Are we still getting out at 145? (19:48) Are we gonna have to stay late for this? (19:49) I would not at all.(19:50) That doesn't resonate at all. (19:51) I think you valued it. (19:53) I valued it so much.(19:54) But what I probably would have resonated with is somebody who showed the relational strengths, whoever that would be. (20:04) How would they do that?

Alan Lazaros

(20:05) How would they do that? (20:06) I am, I like people that are, I have one client who's always dressed nice, always dressed in a suit, always comes correct, always. (20:16) I like being, I like people who take life seriously.(20:21) Life is a serious game. (20:22) You, you, you cannot fuck around with life. (20:25) Everyone think of someone, and this is, sorry to interrupt you, Kev, but this is the last piece for me.(20:30) Anyone out there watching or listening, this is about you. (20:34) Think about someone in your life who's really good socially, but not professionally developed at all, and probably not that personally developed. (20:42) Do you have someone in your head?

Kevin Palmieri

(20:44) I literally, I blanked out when you were saying that. (20:47) I was thinking of an example of, for my next point, go again real quick.

Alan Lazaros

(20:52) Think of someone who is socially well-developed, but not personally or professional. (20:59) Yeah, for sure. (21:00) Let's just make it simpler for the listener.(21:01) Think of someone who's got very high socially development, social development. (21:06) Okay, the popular kid, quote unquote. (21:08) Okay, now think of someone who's very professionally developed.(21:12) Boom. (21:13) Okay, now think of someone who's really personally developed. (21:15) Isn't that interesting?(21:16) Who comes up in your head? (21:19) I hope I come up for professional development. (21:22) Now, that means I have to stop fucking swearing so much, and I have to button up a bit.(21:27) You want to know one thing that pisses me off? (21:29) I feel like I have to be one way, and I'm not. (21:33) You and I, dude, where we grew up, I think you're hilarious.(21:38) It's hard for me to hang out with you and be a professional. (21:43) That pisses me off. (21:44) It bothers me.(21:45) When I showed up to the speech that Serena Williams was the speaker the year before, I showed up, I was speaking to kids, 10-year-olds. (21:53) I'm not going to swear, right? (21:54) But I showed up as a professional.(21:59) It's all contextual to the setting. (22:02) I don't want to be just a professional. (22:05) I don't want to be just fun and social.(22:09) And I definitely don't want to just be super personally well-developed all the time. (22:13) I don't want to be any one of them. (22:14) I want to be all three of them.(22:16) And unfortunately, your reputation is built on one.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:20) It's hard, too, because even like, if it was up to me, when I... (22:24) Because I've talked... (22:25) Taryn and I have had this conversation before.(22:27) I would wear jeans and a t-shirt, if I could, when I spoke. (22:30) Everywhere I went. (22:32) That's just what I would wear, because that's the type of people that I resonate with.(22:36) I don't resonate with somebody in a full suit. (22:40) I don't... (22:41) So that's another piece of it.(22:42) Because that's not who I am. (22:43) It doesn't resonate with me. (22:44) I don't know.(22:45) Because that's not what I aspire to be.

Alan Lazaros

(22:47) I don't... (22:47) One of our biggest strengths is we have all three of these now. (22:51) But we don't fit any one of them.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:55) That comes with a huge weakness, dude. (22:57) I think about that all the time when I'm in the gym and I post a video of me doing just bodybuilding type stuff. (23:03) You know what I really want to do?(23:04) That I have not done yet, and I don't know if I will. (23:07) I want to take bodybuilding type pictures, like I used to, of my legs and stuff.

Alan Lazaros

(23:14) Can't really do that. (23:15) No, no, hold on, hold on. (23:17) Quote, unquote.(23:17) You can, but that affects our impact and our business. (23:20) It affects a lot of things.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:23) It affects a lot of things. (23:23) I've seen people, people have left the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group recently as we've leaned more into bodybuilding. (23:31) It's like, that always sucks.(23:33) It makes me sad. (23:34) You know why that is, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(23:35) Yeah, yeah. (23:36) And we've also gotten a lot of people come in too. (23:38) For sure, for sure.(23:39) Which is, you know what I'm realizing too, and this goes for the listeners as well, I don't think we can be someone else. (23:45) And you and I have an extra disadvantage in this, and an advantage, and advantage. (23:48) But like, on what planet would Mr. Professional Development start a business with Mr. Somebody asked that.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:00) There was a person in my life who, he didn't ask me this, he asked somebody else. (24:05) But he said, how does Alan, like how do Alan and Kevin work together? (24:09) And they're like completely opposite.(24:10) It was essentially like, how did Kevin get into that? (24:13) I was like, yeah, it's fair. (24:14) It is a fair, it is fair.

Alan Lazaros

(24:17) Doesn't he have his engineering degree and a master's in business? (24:23) My background is professional development. (24:26) All the books, I have Einstein books in the background.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:29) I went on a podcast pre-call today, and one of the first things they said is, I love your background. (24:34) Happens all the time. (24:35) It's one of the reasons I like this background.(24:36) This is a really good representation of me.

Alan Lazaros

(24:39) Really good representation of me. (24:41) I always joke, I say, they need to like you and know you have my standards. (24:45) I'm serious.(24:46) I just wish we could be all of who we are and not have to worry about this. (24:50) It's like typecast. (24:51) Actors and actresses complain about this all the time.(24:53) It's like you're typecast as a certain role.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:57) Is there a world where you can?

Alan Lazaros

(24:57) I think in life, everyone gets typecast.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:59) Is there a world where you, again, I'm not saying everybody has to like this person, but Gary Vee has done a really good job of just being himself to a detriment. (25:08) He goes and speaks to 10 year olds and he swears at them. (25:12) I'm not saying you should do that.(25:14) Probably keep the F-bombs in the bag if you can, you know, preschoolers. (25:19) But he has been, he doesn't dress up ever. (25:23) Yeah.(25:24) I don't, it's just interesting. (25:25) There's something interesting.

Alan Lazaros

(25:26) There's certain people he just won't reach because of that. (25:28) He just won't. (25:29) But I wonder if he's okay with it.(25:30) Yeah, well, obviously he is. (25:31) And at the end of the day, you got to figure out who you are. (25:34) That's why I dress nice is because I think that's who I am.(25:36) I want to dress nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:37) I had a moment today in the gym where I was like, you and I are so different in the gym. (25:48) So today was heavy legs and I had just finished a really heavy set. (25:51) And I saw this guy looking at me and I know him and I knew he was looking for a spot.(25:56) So I turned around and I put my hands up and I was like, you need one? (25:59) And he's like, yeah, I mean, you got, can you, can you do it? (26:01) And I said, dude, I was waiting.(26:02) I knew, I knew this was going to happen. (26:05) And now I'm, now him and I are buddies and I'm dapping. (26:08) I dap people up all the time.(26:09) I go out of my way to like meet people in the gym. (26:12) That's just the way I am. (26:13) And I was thinking why doesn't, and don't let me put words in your mouth, but why doesn't Alan like to do that as much as I do?(26:22) Dude, when I was 16 years old, I went to gold's gym in Milford, Massachusetts, and there was this dude, he was fucking massive. (26:31) And he gave me advice. (26:34) And I was like, Oh, if I ever get jacked and I ever have any idea what I'm doing, I'm going to help people too.(26:41) Always. (26:41) I'm never going to say no. (26:43) Somebody came up to me the other day and they're like, dude, how do you, how do you have so much mobility when you squat?(26:47) And I was like, well, you ever heard of Romwod? (26:48) That's something I did for a long time.

Alan Lazaros

(26:50) And this is how I, I don't do it anymore, but I used to, but I used to do it every day.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:56) And yeah, I stopped completely.

Alan Lazaros

(26:58) Used to bees, wannabes and autobees don't produce no honey. (27:01) This is what I do for my warmups.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:03) This is, and did that like wreck my workout? (27:06) I mean, it didn't help. (27:08) What are you optimizing for?

Alan Lazaros

(27:10) This is what it comes down to. (27:12) Relationships. (27:13) Yeah.(27:13) Relationships. (27:14) You are relationships. (27:15) First goals.(27:15) Second, I am goals. (27:16) First relationship. (27:17) Second, dude, I am optimizing for flow.(27:20) There was a guy in the gym the other day. (27:21) I know we got to kick it to the other episode here in a second. (27:24) I think we're just, honestly.(27:25) Yeah. (27:25) We're going to just do this one. (27:26) We're going to just do this one.(27:28) So there is this dude in my gym and of all the people that I've met in my gym, there's one dude who wipes the walls with me and everything. (27:36) He doesn't tie his shoes. (27:38) He's a freak athlete.(27:39) This dude's fucking so strong. (27:42) I've never seen anything like it. (27:43) He had like six fucking plates on each side of the squat rack.(27:47) I'm literally looking at him and I think he might die if this falls. (27:51) And we're way across the gym. (27:52) This is like a Saturday night or something.(27:54) And he, I was seeing him build up first. (27:56) It's like three plates. (27:57) It's like, oh shit.(27:58) And then it's four plates. (28:00) It's oh shit. (28:01) He's, I'm not kidding, Kev.(28:03) I look across the gym and this dude, the right shoulder starting to fall. (28:07) And he's got six plates on each, on each side. (28:09) It's fucking nuts.(28:11) At least five. (28:12) I might be five or six. (28:13) Well, that's trying it.(28:15) I was across the gym. (28:15) That's a lot.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:16) Five plates on each side. (28:17) 10, 450. (28:18) That's 495 pounds.(28:20) That's, that's elite levels.

Alan Lazaros

(28:22) Elite level squatter. (28:23) He, it started going, it started going. (28:27) And I was like, oh my goodness.(28:29) If this dude falls, he's gonna, he's gonna break something this bad. (28:33) And then he throws on another plate on each side. (28:36) And he was struggling on the last one.(28:38) And I'm sitting there going, in my head, Emilio, we gotta get the fuck out of here. (28:41) This is gonna be bad. (28:43) He ended up getting it up.(28:44) He's fine. (28:44) He took a long break between sets, luckily. (28:47) But I, he was looking at me kinda.(28:49) Cause I'm big enough to actually squat that. (28:51) Not squat that. (28:52) Help, assist him in squatting that.(28:54) Obviously, he's not gonna ask someone small. (28:56) I'm 6'2", 2'10". (28:57) He's 6'4", much larger.(28:59) But he was kinda giving me the look and I couldn't. (29:03) Now, I need to make this as clear as possible. (29:05) I only have an hour a day, every day to work out.(29:08) I do 50 coaching sessions, trainings, and podcasts on average every week. (29:12) I can barely get in the gym three to four times a week right now. (29:15) Because we're doing steady state cardio every other day.(29:17) I am not, I've had to be very discerning with what I do and don't do. (29:23) I'm not, I had to decide in advance. (29:25) Like, I'm here to focus.(29:27) Hood up, hat down, get after it. (29:30) I don't even really, Emilio and I have sign language for PR. (29:33) We have sign language for everything.(29:34) Numbers, all that. (29:35) And I optimize for flow. (29:37) I do.(29:38) Now, in the past when you and I were chilling and we went to the gym a couple times a day and we had an hour and a half workout here and there back in the fitness modeling days and all that, I would have for sure noticed that, gone over and tried to help him. (29:53) I do wanna help people. (29:56) I spend every single day helping people.(29:58) I'm helping more people now than I ever have before in my entire life by far to the point where I'm having trouble focusing on me. (30:04) But I decided in advance that I needed to help people in my unique strength. (30:10) And this dude doesn't need my help in fitness.(30:13) He's good. (30:15) And he's stronger than you or I will ever be. (30:17) But I think that that's just a conversation we all have to have with ourselves is I've decided to help people with professional development.(30:24) And I think what's weird about this, I was naturally professional development. (30:29) You were naturally social development. (30:30) And you and I got so far from those.(30:33) That's what I was thinking about today is like, dude, I miss that.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:36) I was so, there's this giant, I don't know where, like what ethnicity, he's Middle Eastern. (30:43) And he is just massive, like just built. (30:50) Like this dude can just do whatever he wants.(30:52) I don't remember his name. (30:53) I wish I remembered his name so I could give him a shout out. (30:55) But I walked over to him today and gave him daps.(30:59) I was like, dude, crushing it, man, crushing it.

Alan Lazaros

(31:01) Yeah, love it. (31:01) And that's the social aspect that you like. (31:04) I love that.(31:05) For me, I was social, but I don't miss it. (31:08) I don't feel like it was ever who I really was. (31:10) I was, I could party.(31:12) I could have fun. (31:12) I could be social. (31:13) I could be friends with everyone.(31:14) I can turn that on where I'm valued, dude, where I'm valid.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:19) As as as arrogant, quote unquote, as this might sound, I think it'll it'll resonate with you whether you're out there. (31:25) I've always kind of been the guy at whatever gym I go to. (31:29) I know everybody and people respect me, quote unquote.(31:32) There's something like people watch me squat. (31:35) Like I see people just watch me. (31:36) It happens all the time.(31:38) I like that. (31:39) There's there's something to that because I feel like I'm getting valued for what I want to get valued. (31:44) One of the reasons I love being, quote unquote, the podcast guy is because I spend time around podcasters.(31:49) So I get a lot of respect from podcasters. (31:52) I will go out of my way.

Alan Lazaros

(31:54) Is that why you didn't like podcast movement? (31:55) Because you for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:57) You weren't being valued. (32:00) I'm used to being what I think is undervalued in most places in my life. (32:04) I think podcasting is one of the places like, look, there's very few people here that have done the amount of episodes I have right now.(32:10) Do I have the credibility and the glitz and glam of a lot of these people? (32:13) No. (32:13) But if I put in the reps, I think so.(32:15) Yeah. (32:16) So, yeah, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(32:17) For anyone out there watching or listening, where are you the most valued? (32:21) And then which one? (32:22) Which one?(32:23) We all have all three. (32:24) We all need all three. (32:26) Seriously, if you want to be successful holistically, you need all three of these.(32:30) You need to understand yourself, others, and the world. (32:32) You need to be personally developed, professionally developed and socially developed. (32:36) But I over leaned on the social back in college and I was unhappy.(32:41) I was unfulfilled. (32:42) I would rather reach my full potential and focus on my workout and then help people elsewhere. (32:52) I don't want to be the life of the party.(32:53) I really don't. (32:54) I could care less. (32:55) I have been.(32:56) That's the irony. (32:57) In college, I was the life of the party. (32:59) It ripped.(33:00) I'm not into it. (33:01) That's not me. (33:02) That's not what I...(33:02) It wasn't true self. (33:05) And I think that you and I, because we needed to well round ourselves out, you went overly professional development and I went overly social development and overly personal development. (33:17) And I think that...(33:18) I don't know if it was ever really me. (33:20) I think about this all the time. (33:21) It's like I've got the warrior.(33:22) I've got the engineer. (33:23) These parts of myself. (33:27) And then I have the fun, funny, social butterfly.(33:33) But that is something that I can turn on if I want to. (33:38) But it's not who I naturally am.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:40) Well, that's... (33:41) I think that's the thought is what is the thing you can turn on? (33:44) What is the thing you can't turn off?(33:46) That's fire. (33:47) That's where... (33:48) Dude, I can't turn that off in the gym.(33:49) I don't want to. (33:50) I'm not interested. (33:51) Not interested.(33:51) Ever, ever, ever, ever. (33:53) I don't care.

Alan Lazaros

(33:53) I can't turn off the focus and the intensity. (33:56) I don't think that's... (33:57) The engineer and the warrior.(33:59) It's always... (34:01) Even right now, I have eight minutes and 19 seconds to my next coaching session. (34:06) I like being that level of dialed in.(34:10) I feel like in some other life, I was supposed to be a Navy fucking SEAL. (34:16) What did I say? (34:16) I was supposed to be a rapper or something.(34:18) Musician. (34:19) Yeah. (34:19) I love the idea of Delta Force SEAL Team 6.(34:23) How hardcore these people are. (34:24) I'm reading some books. (34:25) There's one book by Stephen Cotlery called Stealing Fire, and he talks about how they train Navy SEALs.(34:30) SEAL Team 6 is the Navy SEAL's Navy SEAL. (34:34) It's one in... (34:35) I crunched the numbers once, as we all do at some point in the day, apparently.(34:39) It's one in 1,300. (34:43) So there's 1.3 million people in the US military. (34:46) There's only 300 SEAL Team 6.(34:50) So 300 divided by 1.3 million. (34:53) I think it's like 0.002 or something. (34:56) We'd have to do the math.(34:57) Let me do it. (34:58) Let me do the math because that's what I would do. (35:02) 300 divided by 1.3 million times 100. (35:07) It's 0.02%. 0.02% of people in the US military ever become SEAL Team 6. (35:17) It's the most elite team. (35:23) The people who went into Bin Laden's compound were SEAL Team 6.(35:30) And there's great movies about... (35:31) I've watched all of them. (35:33) The reason why is I like how precise they are.(35:35) I like how on point they are. (35:36) I like how intense they are. (35:37) I like how mastery-driven they are.(35:39) I don't want to do anything half-assed fucking ever. (35:43) I want to be on point. (35:45) It's who I am.(35:46) I love competitive sports. (35:49) I don't love competitive sports watching them. (35:51) I like doing them.(35:53) I don't go into the gym for fun. (35:55) That ain't me. (35:56) I'm here to see what I'm capable of.(35:58) And again, I'm only sharing that intensity because I want everyone out there watching or listening to own who they are. (36:04) I think I locked up parts of me that I really love because other people don't like that. (36:11) They don't want to be around someone who's intense all the time.(36:14) And it's like I... (36:17) People always talk about David Goggins. (36:19) He's so hardcore and all that stuff.(36:20) I honestly... (36:22) Brandon said this to me behind the scenes. (36:23) He's like, I guarantee you, you're more hardcore than that fucking guy.(36:26) And it's like, honestly, I don't want to come off as toxic. (36:30) I don't want to be a toxic dickhead. (36:32) I just want to be me.(36:35) And I feel like I love doing shit that is intense like that. (36:40) And I don't necessarily... (36:44) I don't know.(36:45) Maybe you and I exploring all these other things. (36:51) I just want to get back to who we are. (36:54) Same.

Kevin Palmieri

(36:55) I wrote the other day. (36:56) Dude, it was so awesome. (36:58) It was so fucking awesome.(37:01) And I literally... (37:01) This is how you know it's your thing or one of your things. (37:04) I listened to what I wrote over and over and over and over and over and over and over.(37:09) I was playing it on the way to the kitchen. (37:11) I was playing it when I was using the bathroom. (37:12) I just listened to it over and over.(37:14) Because I just think that's that piece of me that I just miss that. (37:18) I miss that. (37:21) But seasons, man.

Alan Lazaros

(37:23) Seasons. (37:25) This is why we have NLU, you have PGU, and I have BGU. (37:32) It's good.(37:34) It's good that... (37:37) It's like permission to be authentic. (37:40) I don't feel like we were inauthentic.(37:43) I just feel like we were exploring other parts of us. (37:45) What is your take on this whole thing? (37:47) Over the last eight years, I feel like we found ourselves and lost ourselves and re-found ourselves.

Kevin Palmieri

(37:53) Not unintentionally inauthentic, but you try to play a character that you think is required in order to get the result that you want, I think. (38:03) Would I ever have learned sales? (38:08) I never thought I would learn sales, but I do sales very differently than anybody else is going to teach you.(38:13) I do it my way. (38:14) I do it an authentic way. (38:16) But did that start with me probably doing it in an inauthentic way to me?(38:19) Yeah. (38:20) Was it ever to the inauthenticity that I see? (38:23) No, it wasn't that.(38:24) But to me, it was off. (38:27) And then the other thing too is we joke about a lot of the stuff of how much of a mess I was, and I was a fucking mess for sure. (38:35) But a lot of that stuff, I've been writing since I was 16.(38:39) I've been writing poetry since I was 16. (38:41) I've been writing poetry for 20 years. (38:43) There's got to be something to that, right?(38:46) There has to be. (38:46) There has to be something to that. (38:48) Just like fitness is a really big thing.(38:50) So there's certain things that I think you push to the side until you miss it enough. (38:55) And you say like, this isn't just a thing I do. (38:57) This is a part of me as a person.

Alan Lazaros

(39:00) How do you know the difference? (39:00) We got to do an episode on that. (39:02) We're going to do an episode.(39:04) The next episode is going to be on whether or not something is for you or not.

Kevin Palmieri

(39:09) I don't know if it's the next one. (39:10) We had somebody that said something to me recently. (39:17) There's a part of me that doesn't even want to do it, but I know I have to.(39:21) It's like that. (39:22) It's like certain things feel like callings. (39:24) I don't know.(39:24) How do you do an episode on that? (39:25) We'll do it, but I don't know what the answer is.

Alan Lazaros

(39:27) But isn't that similar to this?

Kevin Palmieri

(39:30) It's a part of who you are? (39:31) Well, I would say yes, but a part of who you are is not. (39:37) You can't really wrap that up in a couple of minutes, right?(39:40) I think we could definitely do an episode. (39:41) Do you think it takes more courage to be who you are than it does to not? (39:46) I think it takes more courage.(39:47) I think one of the most courageous things in the world is being yourself. (39:50) Because when you're yourself, if anybody shits on you, they're shitting on you. (39:54) Not a facade that you put up.(39:56) Every time I put a rap out, there's a little piece of me that's like, I wonder if somebody's going to shit on this. (40:02) Because like I really- What if they do? (40:04) It will fucking hurt terribly.

Alan Lazaros

(40:07) Terribly. (40:08) So what do you feel after when you put it out there?

Kevin Palmieri

(40:13) I- There's two. (40:15) One, I hope nobody hates it. (40:17) And two, I don't think, very humbly, I don't think there's anybody watching my stuff that's going to do better than me.(40:23) So it's that. (40:25) I wrote that in two hours after having a glass of whiskey for fun. (40:30) I feel like I'm capable of- Yeah, I feel like I'm good at this.

Alan Lazaros

(40:35) But it's- And I'm obviously- We got a minute and a half here. (40:41) It's- I guess we all have different facets of who we are. (40:53) And I think some of this comes down to we are not one-dimensional.(41:01) Like when you and I shoot the shit behind the scenes, and we're laughing and joking and we're bro-ing out, I don't feel inauthentic at all. (41:09) That doesn't feel inauthentic. (41:11) But I also- I would feel inauthentic if I showed up in a hoodie and like in a beanie.(41:20) And I know that you do that sometimes. (41:22) That doesn't feel inauthentic to you. (41:23) And I want you to be all of who you are.(41:25) But like this feels more right for me. (41:28) Yeah. (41:29) I feel like I am a professional.(41:31) In my very being, I am a professional first. (41:34) And I can shoot the shit with you behind the scenes. (41:36) Whereas you are, I can shoot the shit behind the scenes.(41:39) And you also have to be a professional. (41:41) I think that- Figure out the order. (41:43) That's what this comes down to.(41:44) I just hammered my mic. (41:45) Yeah. (41:45) It comes down to what the order is.(41:47) Because for me, I think I just had the syntax wrong of social development first. (41:52) That's not me. (41:53) Professional development first, personal development second, social development third.(41:56) That's why I don't want to be everyone's friend in the gym.

Kevin Palmieri

(41:59) Yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(41:59) Whereas you're social first, personal second, professional third. (42:03) You need all three, but the syntax matters. (42:05) I knew we were going to get there, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(42:07) That was- I want to be the most extraordinary regular person ever of all time. (42:10) That's the thing. (42:11) So in my mind, that is the- I want to be the most extraordinary- So you want to be social first, personal second, professional third.(42:17) Probably, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(42:18) Yeah, do it. (42:19) And I want to balance you out because I need to be professional first, personal second, social third.

Kevin Palmieri

(42:25) But I want to be the best I can be in all of them. (42:27) I just don't want to lose number one to maximize number three. (42:30) I want to maximize number one and let it follow.(42:32) All right, we got to go because we're both going to be late. (42:33) As always, we love you. (42:34) We appreciate you.(42:35) Grateful for each and every one of you. (42:36) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here to help you get there. (42:42) We're most likely going to do a part two version of this, I'm sure.

Alan Lazaros

(42:45) Keep reaching for your full potential. (42:47) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(42:49) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (42:53) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(42:56) We mean it when we say family. (42:58) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (43:01) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(43:05) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.