The Truth Is The Truth, Regardless Of How You React To It (2257)

Most people make their hardest decisions using distorted data, unchecked assumptions, and emotions that feel real but rarely reflect reality. In this episode, Kevin and Alan break down why truth is the single most important variable in long-term success, and why avoiding it quietly destroys goals, relationships, and identity. You’ll learn how inaccurate self-perception forms blind spots, how conditioning shapes your judgment without permission, and why honest feedback is a skill, not a feeling. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns, this conversation will give you the clarity you’ve been avoiding.

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Show notes:
(2:22) How feelings distort reality and create blind spots
(4:48) Rationality, risk, and seeing the world accurately
(7:01) Objective judgment in relationships and self-assessment
(13:06) Potential Vs. Reality and the danger of false hope
(16:08) Using accurate feedback to build identity and long-term success
(19:50) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:22 How feelings distort reality and create blind spots
• 4:48 Rationality, risk, and seeing the world accurately
• 7:01 Objective judgment in relationships and self-assessment
• 13:06 Potential Vs. Reality and the danger of false hope
• 16:08 Using accurate feedback to build identity and long-term success
• 19:50 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I sent a very honest, vulnerable message in group coaching today and I said, hey I know last night's session was pretty freaking hard and it was hardcore and I know at times it seems like we are doom and gloom and we are just kind of negative, but at the end of the day I would rather you operate on the truth because you can't operate on reality if you don't know what reality is.

Alan Lazaros

(0:24) How do you make good decisions if they're based on inaccurate understandings? (0:30) The truth is everything.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:34) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:37) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:38) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:42) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:48) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:55) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:10) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:17) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:23) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2257, the truth is the truth, regardless of how you react to it. (1:31) You could even say regardless of how you feel about it, I guess.(1:34) That's a little bit more hardcore. (1:36) But we...

Alan Lazaros

(1:37) I think it's better.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:37) You think it's better? (1:38) I do. (1:38) You like that.(1:39) Well, you're more hardcore than I am, for sure. (1:40) I think feelings distort objective truth. (1:45) I would say that.(1:46) And again, I also understand why, right? (1:48) Feelings feel real, even when they're not necessarily real. (1:51) We did our last session of podcast-specific coaching in the Next Level Podcast Accelerator last night.(2:02) Shout out to Team Hypecast. (2:05) And afterwards, we did a call with me, you, and Amy. (2:08) Yes.(2:09) And we were like, was that too hardcore? (2:12) Are we like shitting on people's dreams here? (2:14) Are we?(2:15) What are we doing here? (2:15) Is this too much? (2:17) And a couple things came up, and we talked about it behind the scenes.(2:21) But I wish I didn't get so much bullshit from people in the beginning of this journey. (2:29) Didn't really help me. (2:30) And I also want to make sure that I'm giving truth from a balanced, centered place.(2:35) And I'm not... (2:38) My truth is, it's not that I don't want somebody to try to do something, if that's what they want to do. (2:43) My truth is, I want you to know how challenging it might be.(2:47) And then at least you can decide. (2:49) That is always... (2:50) I won't say that's always been my perspective.(2:52) But my perspective now is, I would rather you say, look, I know the first... (2:58) The first level of this game is like fun. (3:02) You know, you get to swing around from rope to rope.(3:05) And when you fall, you fall in the water. (3:07) It's not bad. (3:07) It's easy.(3:08) The first level is always easy. (3:10) But just so you know, when you get to like the 50th, 60th level, you're going to get stuck on those levels for like 20 times. (3:18) You're going to throw your game across the room.(3:19) You're not going to want to pick it up for weeks at a time. (3:22) And that, I mean, it is going to suck. (3:24) I want you to know that going in.(3:26) Because maybe that affects the way that you show up. (3:29) Maybe that affects your perspective. (3:30) Maybe that affects your strategy, whatever it is.(3:33) I just feel like we would have been better served if we had the truth at the beginning. (3:37) And that's what I aspire to give.

Alan Lazaros

(3:41) I am reading Rationality with Book Club. (3:44) Rationality by Steven Pinker. (3:46) I think the book is unbelievably important because of the concept, not necessarily the author of the book.(3:52) The concept of rationality is based on objective truth. (3:56) And I think the best example to give for how feelings distort our reality is when you're swimming in the ocean. (4:05) When you're swimming in the ocean, Emilia and I went to a little cove over the summer.(4:13) It was awesome. (4:16) And she and I were swimming and it was just us in this little cove. (4:19) It was so beautiful.(4:21) And she's like, so I just need some rationality. (4:24) I was like, yes, I'm here. (4:25) What's happening?(4:26) She said, what are the chances we get eaten by a shark right now? (4:30) And she was being playful but also somewhat serious. (4:33) And I said, last I looked it up, rounding up there's 350 million people who live in America.(4:42) And only a rounding error of one person per year dies of a shark attack. (4:48) How many people get attacked though? (4:51) Ah, see, I didn't look that up.(4:53) Straight up. (4:54) But there is one, on average, one shark attack death per year in the United States, in America. (5:05) Now, you have to factor in the fact that the coast is only the bottom portion, obviously.(5:13) Right? (5:13) What percentage of the border of the U.S. is actually coastline, right? (5:17) Okay.(5:18) The point is, the chances are extremely, extremely, extremely rare that you get eaten or bitten by a shark. (5:27) However, when you're in the ocean, your mind starts fucking with you every time. (5:33) And there are 40,000.(5:35) I think it's lower than that now. (5:36) But there's 40,000, last I looked it up. (5:38) This was back in probably five years ago.(5:41) 40,000 motor vehicle deaths per year. (5:43) So, you are 40,000 times more likely to be hurt or killed in your car every single day that you get in without thinking about it than you are by a shark. (5:55) However, when you get in your car, you don't even think about it.(5:59) Throw on your seatbelt, rock and roll, let's do it. (6:01) You get in the ocean, there's no way you're not thinking about it. (6:04) And so, feelings distort objective truth.(6:07) A lot of people think the world is more dangerous now than ever. (6:10) But if you look at the statistical crime rates over time, it's insane. (6:14) Poverty is down, not up.(6:16) You can research this. (6:17) Everyone, please research this. (6:19) The news makes it sound like everything is so bad.(6:23) It's called, if it bleeds, it leads. (6:25) It's people scaring you into getting your attention. (6:28) If you're walking past a newspaper stand and one of them says, huge dangerous storm coming.(6:34) And the other one says, lovely valley nearby. (6:38) Which one is going to sell more newspapers? (6:41) It's going to be the danger, danger, danger one.(6:44) So, my point is, objective truth is how we make good decisions. (6:52) If you never swim again because you're afraid of sharks, that's very irrational because the chances of you getting hurt by a shark is so slim. (6:58) So, how is this relevant to success?(7:01) I was on with a client earlier today. (7:04) Relationship talks, coaching client. (7:07) And I said, I want to do a little exercise that's going to seem mean.(7:12) It's going to seem mean. (7:15) I want you to do something with me. (7:18) So, we wrote down every first name of her family member, immediate family.(7:22) And I said, I know this is going to be hard because we're all deeply conditioned to not see our family accurately. (7:30) I want you to tell me three things. (7:32) I want you to treat this person, her sister, okay.(7:34) Her sister, boom, blank. (7:37) I want you to tell me three things about this human being as a human being. (7:41) She's not your sister.(7:43) You don't know her. (7:44) You just met her today. (7:46) And you know of her.(7:47) And you're going to judge her as a human being, just for a second. (7:50) We're going to judge just for a second. (7:52) Because without judgment, you can't be discerning.(7:54) You have to make a judgment call. (7:56) We all have heard the five people you spend the most time with. (7:58) Well, how do you pick those five people?(8:00) You should have some judgments about them. (8:02) If they're toxic, you probably shouldn't be around them. (8:05) So I said, I want you to give me three things.(8:07) Objective truths. (8:08) Just truth. (8:09) Objective truths.(8:12) That are a little bit mean. (8:14) You're afraid to say them out loud. (8:17) But they are true.(8:18) They are accurate. (8:20) So powerful. (8:22) She said, honestly, this is really hard for her.(8:26) She's like, she is really entitled. (8:29) She's kind of spoiled. (8:32) And then eventually she's like, yeah, she's actually really weak.(8:35) She's quite the coward. (8:39) And she's very vain. (8:42) She's focused on a lot of vain things.(8:44) Nonsense. (8:45) Shiny object. (8:46) Bullshit.(8:47) I said, okay, now we're going to go back into real life. (8:51) This is still your sister. (8:52) Okay.(8:53) Now you have an objective understanding of who she is. (8:57) Now you can decide going forward whether or not she's the type of person that you'd spend time with. (9:02) I know you know this, Kev.(9:05) Our family we grow up with. (9:09) But if we met them today, I have a friend I grew up with. (9:13) If I met him today, what a dick.(9:16) Oh my God. (9:17) I would never be friends with him today. (9:19) That's the truth.(9:20) And I'm not alone in that. (9:23) So objective truth helps us make effective choices. (9:27) Because if she wants to distort her reality and not see her family accurately, she's going to go like the self-driving car that keeps driving off a cliff.(9:36) It thinks it's a road, but it's a cliff over and over and over again. (9:40) And I see clients do that all the time. (9:41) I think the number one reason we do not succeed in life is because we see ourselves, others, and the world inaccurately.(9:47) And the number one reason for that is blind spots and distortions from feelings and conditioning.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:54) Well, it feels good to feel better than you are, quote unquote. (9:58) Again, I'm not saying intrinsically, just at life or whatever, whatever it is. (10:04) The whole friend thing brought something up for me.(10:06) I was going through my phone yesterday. (10:08) I was looking for something to post. (10:09) What can I post on social media?(10:10) I want to inspire. (10:11) Let me bring some inspiration to the fucking web. (10:15) And I found a, let me, I'll tell the story first.(10:20) I was, I've told this story before, but it's, it's very, I think it's very accurate based on this. (10:24) I was dating a girl before Taryn and I reconnected. (10:28) And she said, I want to meet your friends.(10:29) I haven't met your friends yet. (10:30) I was like, yeah, awesome. (10:31) Come over and meet my friends.(10:33) Let me just set you up for who you're going to meet. (10:34) You're going to meet two of my friends, my, my closest friends. (10:37) Alan would probably wasn't available.(10:39) So you would have been there too, but you know, you probably weren't available. (10:42) You're probably working. (10:43) So I could have this cookout.(10:45) And I said, all right, one of my friends, he's like my big brother. (10:48) He's going to, he's going to love you. (10:50) He is going to talk me up.(10:51) He's going to make me seem way better than I am. (10:52) He's just, he's good. (10:54) He's a good dude.(10:54) He's going to take care of you. (10:55) He's just a good dude. (10:56) He's like a big brother to me.(10:57) And I said the other one, I was like the other one, he's going to make fun of you in front of you. (11:08) He's going to make fun of me to you. (11:11) He will say some wildly inappropriate things.(11:14) You can't put back in the box. (11:15) He will be highly disrespectful. (11:17) He'll probably try to make the whole day about him.(11:18) And then at the end of the day, if anybody confronts him on anything, he'll just say, ah, I'm just a dick. (11:23) That's the way I am. (11:24) And I was like, Oh my God.(11:26) Oh no, no, no, no, no. (11:29) So I saw a picture that that person, that person messaged me a meme one time. (11:37) And I screenshotted it.(11:38) And it was, we all have that one friend that you have to, you have to warn everybody about before you meet them. (11:45) And she, this, this person said, that's blank. (11:50) And I was like, yeah, that is fucking blank.(11:52) Oh my goodness gracious. (11:54) One of the hardest truths of all time. (11:56) That's brutal to say.(11:58) It's brutal to think about. (11:59) I don't talk to this person anymore. (12:01) I miss this person all the time.(12:02) And if somebody was to say, well, why not? (12:05) That person just wasn't what was best for me. (12:07) And I don't think they want to try to be in my life to the capacity of what I'm trying to do.(12:13) And I completely understand. (12:14) But I miss this person all the time. (12:15) And every time I talk about this, I feel like shit about it every time.(12:18) Cause I'm thinking, well, what if, what if they pick up a fucking episode and they hear this one and they think it's about them. (12:23) That sucks. (12:25) And that is the truth at the time.(12:28) That is the truth. (12:29) We joked about it. (12:31) It's not like this was a thing that was unsaid.(12:34) We joked about it. (12:35) That is uncomfortable. (12:38) And I think if you can, I'm going to talk myself up here real quick, just for a second.(12:43) I believe that one of the reasons I'm able to be quote unquote successful to whatever that means to you out there is because I'm just pretty good. (12:52) I would say above average at accepting the truth. (12:55) Yeah, for sure.(12:55) A hundred percent. (12:57) What else can I do with it? (12:58) What else can I do with it?

Alan Lazaros

(13:00) I think it's because when you were a kid, my dad, you were told your dad was going to come get you.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:06) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:06) And you got excited over and over and over again, and you got let down over and over and over again. (13:11) Then you learned as a trauma response, I think to not get your hopes up based on fucking delusion.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:17) I think it's, I think it's dangerous to go all in on potential. (13:19) I think it's dangerous to go all in on, well, if, and if, and if, and if, and if. (13:27) What are we doing here?(13:29) Been there. (13:30) If, and if. (13:31) My biggest problem, hands down.(13:32) I had somebody that asked me for relationship advice, and I was like, look, if, if this person has to change this, this, this, this, this, this, and this for you guys to be together, you probably shouldn't be together in the first place. (13:43) What are we, what are we doing? (13:44) And if it doesn't change, what's going to happen?(13:47) You're getting mad at them. (13:48) You, you sign up for it, brother. (13:50) What are we doing?(13:51) What are we doing? (13:52) Yeah. (13:53) So yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that.(13:55) It does. (13:56) All of this sounds simple, right? (13:58) But to Alan's point, I think one of the reasons I probably am okay now at getting feedback and I'll say truth.(14:04) I hate feedback. (14:05) It blows, but because it's never killed me and it has always been a mirror to something that is true that I didn't really understand was true.

Alan Lazaros

(14:19) Okay. (14:19) Why was that a value? (14:21) Because that's the key.(14:22) I think if we have blind spots, we're going to keep driving into a wall repeatedly. (14:26) So, but let's make this land better. (14:29) Number one, you can't make, I just keep going to the same thing.(14:40) You can't make a good choice based on false data. (14:43) I think that's perfect. (14:44) I think that's the perfect way to think about it.(14:46) But we need like a tangible fucking example. (14:48) Like, okay. (14:50) I thought that a person in my past was a really good person.(14:53) I was absolutely wrong. (14:55) I dated her and it made my life worse. (14:58) You were better.(14:59) I got the worst the relationship got and my life got way better when I left her. (15:03) That's the reality of the situation. (15:05) Like, if you think someone's competent, who's not, and you hire them, trust me, you're going to find out the hard way.(15:11) It's better to be discerning out of the gate. (15:13) Go ahead.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:14) I think we were having a conversation one time and I said, isn't it weird how when you change the way you see yourself, essentially the way you see everybody has to change too. (15:23) I think that's why. (15:25) Because one perspective shift does not change one thing.(15:28) It changes everything because the angle is off. (15:31) I think that's why it's so valuable. (15:33) Now, obviously you have to make sure you're getting it from a trusted source.(15:38) Somebody on the internet right now could be like, well, Kev, just so you know, this is the truth about you. (15:42) It's like, well, you don't know me. (15:44) So kindly F off.(15:46) Or I remember we got a review one time that said, Kev, can you please stop screaming into the microphone? (15:52) And initially it was like, you're not a podcaster. (15:55) The fuck do you know?(15:56) And then I listened back. (15:57) It's like I was screaming into the mic for sure. (15:59) For sure.(16:00) I in in reflection after enough time, I appreciated that feedback.

Alan Lazaros

(16:05) Well, this is this is why everything and I always come back to this. (16:08) I know we got to go in a second. (16:11) Listeners, you listen to us.(16:13) I know a lot of you listen to other podcasts, too. (16:15) This is something that I do think we are unique in. (16:18) I don't know if you're going to get this to the same extent anywhere else.(16:21) Everything in life is so fucking difficult because it's always both. (16:27) One person says you need to be able to take external feedback. (16:31) The other person says, be careful what feedback you take.(16:35) Listen, you, Kevin was told you scream into the mic. (16:39) Accurate.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:39) That was accurate.

Alan Lazaros

(16:40) That was accurate. (16:41) And you're right. (16:42) You should stop doing that.(16:43) But you can't listen to every piece of feedback. (16:46) Half the feedback we've gotten, if not more, probably 90 percent of it has been atrociously inaccurate and wrong.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:52) And from someone who's never driven a car before. (16:55) That's a skill metaphor. (16:56) So you either decide I'm going to take all of it, I'm going to take none of it, or I'm going to get I'm going to get to the point where I can decipher good from bad.(17:02) And I think that's a lot of people want to opt out from that.

Alan Lazaros

(17:05) Yeah, I have. (17:06) You have to decipher accurate from inaccurate. (17:08) And I think that true humility is the ability to contemplate that like.(17:13) And unfortunately, a lot of people are trying to hurt you. (17:16) So someone reaches out and they say, you know, Alan, you really come off as pretentious on the podcast. (17:25) And, you know, you think you know everything and all this stuff.(17:28) It's well, I definitely do know a lot. (17:34) And I definitely say things with a lot of confidence. (17:39) And I think that I've earned that.(17:41) I also have a podcast called Next Level University to helping people be more successful. (17:47) So I'm supposed to be confident and competent and speak into people's lives. (17:52) I can't be like, oh, so earlier today I was thinking about this, this concept.(17:58) And I like that. (17:59) That's nice. (17:59) It may or may not be for you.(18:01) But have you considered that self-esteem is important and that self-discipline? (18:06) Fuck that. (18:07) First of all, no, I'm not.(18:10) I'm not saying I know everything. (18:12) What I don't know is limitless. (18:13) What I do know is limited.(18:15) But it's definitely more than this person.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:18) And I know that for sure. (18:20) But the fact is, you still might come off as pretentious. (18:23) That could be the truth.(18:24) And that's OK. (18:25) That's the piece of it. (18:27) That is especially someone like him.(18:30) Yes, that is a level of truth. (18:32) But it doesn't mean that you are. (18:33) That's a perspective.

Alan Lazaros

(18:34) And it doesn't mean that you should change anything. (18:36) Right. (18:36) But then you have people say, well, you know, I don't care what other people think.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:41) Just be yourself.

Alan Lazaros

(18:42) Yeah, just be all of yourself. (18:43) If you're too much for other people, that's too bad.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:44) It's like, well, you're kind of a dick. (18:46) You're kind of a dick.

Alan Lazaros

(18:47) That's not an excuse to be a dick. (18:48) And you are going to be alone forever because of it. (18:51) All right, we got to jump.(18:52) Masterclass. (18:53) This has been awesome, though. (18:54) I love that.(18:54) Yeah, masterclass. (18:55) So the Next Level University Monthly Masterclass is every first Thursday of every month, December 4th, 5 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. (19:02) The top five fundamentals of business you must understand to be successful long term.(19:10) I obviously am pro long term compound effect, snowball effect. (19:14) I don't think you're going to build a multimillion dollar business overnight. (19:16) And if a fence that goes up fast also falls down fast, trust me, we've seen it.(19:20) So the masterclass is going to be on business. (19:22) We took a vote and the link to register will be in the show notes. (19:26) And production team, please put the actual link because a lot of times it goes to the website, which is totally fine.(19:31) That's what we said before. (19:32) The link to register on Zoom will be in the show notes. (19:35) As soon as you register, it'll be able to email you and you'll put it on your calendar.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:39) And Next Level Nation, our Facebook group of amazing humans like you who aspire to get to the next level and want a little bit of truth every day, right? (19:45) That's not too much to ask. (19:46) Get a little truth every day.(19:48) Get a little closer to reality every day. (19:50) As always, we love you. (19:51) We appreciate you.(19:52) Grateful for each and every one of you. (19:53) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single day to help you get there. (19:59) Keep reaching for your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(20:02) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:04) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (20:07) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(20:10) We mean it when we say family. (20:12) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (20:16) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:19) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.