How To Practice Getting Feedback (2265)

Hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down why avoiding feedback limits your growth, weakens your accuracy, and keeps high achievers repeating the same patterns. Most people fear feedback because it feels threatening, but real progress requires clear data about your habits, blind spots, and performance. This episode explains how feedback shapes identity, strengthens self-awareness, and drives long-term results when used with clarity and maturity. 

If you want sharper decision-making, stronger leadership, and real sustainable growth, this conversation gives you the strategic advantage.

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Show notes:
(3:33) The real purpose of feedback 
(6:34) How to practice feedback, starting with positive wins
(10:01) Building systems and mechanisms for ongoing feedback
(12:07) Balancing positive and constructive feedback
(14:51) Why improvement is impossible without consistent feedback
(16:41) Observing yourself as a long-term performance strategy
(18:47) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 3:33 The real purpose of feedback
• 6:34 How to practice feedback, starting with positive wins
• 10:01 Building systems and mechanisms for ongoing feedback
• 12:07 Balancing positive and constructive feedback
• 14:51 Why improvement is impossible without consistent feedback
• 16:41 Observing yourself as a long-term performance strategy
• 18:47 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Feedback. (0:02) We talked a little bit about it in yesterday's episode. (0:04) Today, we're going to go a little bit deeper.(0:05) It is one of those things that I think sucks, but it is a necessary suck to be successful.

Alan Lazaros

(0:10) Which one are you better at? (0:11) Giving feedback to others or receiving feedback from others?

Kevin Palmieri

(0:15) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:18) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:20) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:23) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:29) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:36) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:52) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (0:58) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:04) Next Level Nation, today, for episode number 2,265, we're going to do part two of what we started talking about yesterday. (1:11) So yesterday was, don't give it if you can't take it, and we were talking about feedback. (1:15) And our thought process in yesterday's episode was, people are usually really good at one or the other.(1:21) And what we mean is they're really good at giving feedback or they're really good at receiving feedback. (1:26) And Alan had a lot to say. (1:27) And today, I guess I'll lean a little bit more into what my experience with feedback has been, because I guess most of you are probably maybe on my end when it comes to this.(1:39) We're on the same end. (1:41) We're both good at getting it, but not good at giving it. (1:43) I don't know.(1:44) I do think you're good at giving it. (1:47) I think you're better at giving it. (1:49) I think you've always been better at giving it than I.(1:51) What I grew with. (1:52) Whether the internal was you were freaking out the whole time, you've given me feedback for the last nine years. (1:58) Maybe not the level that you wanted to give, which I'm grateful for, but I think you're better at.(2:06) It's hard for me when you're late and I say, I feel like such a dick. (2:10) I feel terrible. (2:11) I hate it.(2:12) Yeah. (2:12) I feel like such a dick.

Alan Lazaros

(2:15) It is hard. (2:16) Yeah. (2:16) It's really hard because you don't want to be unkind.(2:21) Right. (2:22) I don't want you to hate me. (2:24) Yeah, exactly.(2:25) Exactly. (2:26) Confrontation and conflict is never fun. (2:29) Okay.(2:29) This is a good conversation. (2:31) How do you know?

Kevin Palmieri

(2:33) I've said this to you before where I feel like now giving feedback to you is essentially like training wheels. (2:40) It's easy. (2:40) You don't ever really get mad.(2:42) You're usually like, yeah, man, I suck. (2:43) I'm the worst. (2:44) Yeah.(2:45) I didn't say that, but if you want to take it that far, you feel free to do as you choose. (2:50) Yeah. (2:50) How do you know whether or not somebody is safe to give feedback to emotional maturity?

Alan Lazaros

(2:56) How do you know? (2:58) I don't know, man. (2:59) I think emotionally immature people are constantly avoiding hard truth about themselves.(3:04) You're never going to say, it's not like, Hey man, you've been late a lot lately. (3:07) I fucking know that brother. (3:10) I calculate everything.(3:11) Of course I know that.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:12) Trust me.

Alan Lazaros

(3:12) I feel terrible.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:13) I know nobody else will give you that feedback.

Alan Lazaros

(3:16) That's the thing. (3:18) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:18) Nobody else is going to say.

Alan Lazaros

(3:19) Some people do. (3:20) Do they? (3:20) Yeah.(3:21) More than you think. (3:22) I think I get negative feedback more than you think. (3:25) I assume it's a lot, but at the end of the day, like, and I wanted to bring this up too.(3:33) What is the point of feedback? (3:35) I think we got to go there because the point of feedback is to get closer to the truth, to get closer to, it's to sharpen each other's thinking. (3:44) Yeah.(3:44) Accuracy. (3:46) Accuracy. (3:46) So that you can make better choices.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:47) Yeah. (3:48) To reveal blind spots. (3:50) Like, Hey brother, I don't know if you know this or not, but when you do blank, this happens.

Alan Lazaros

(3:55) And now I have a choice of what I want to do with that information. (4:00) Whereas if you were ignorant to that, you have no choice. (4:03) I find that to be one of the biggest conundrums on, in the world is if you don't know, if you're not aware of it, it's not a choice.(4:15) So if you were under the thumb of someone growing up, but you didn't know that you were, you're just getting taken advantage of, but you have no, you have no choice in the matter because you're ignorant to it. (4:27) It's like, uh, you, you mentioned the credit card company thing where down at the bottom, it, it, it says the amount or whatever. (4:35) It's, it's small.(4:36) It says how many years it would take to pay it off. (4:38) Yeah. (4:38) Of course.(4:39) Yeah. (4:39) So they hide that. (4:40) Okay.(4:40) So what was it like 82 years to pay off?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:44) Something insane. (4:45) Yeah. (4:46) I think it was like 84.

Alan Lazaros

(4:47) If everyone just became fiscally responsible and financially sound in their decision-making credit card companies, wouldn't be able to do that. (4:56) That's why I teach people finance because I want to empower people. (4:59) Like, listen, if you, if you take out three credit cards and buy a bunch of that is useless and, or it doesn't generate revenue.(5:08) And then like put yourself in a hole that you never dug out of because you knew what you were doing when you did it. (5:14) And that's kind of on you. (5:15) That's just, that's just blatant neglect.(5:18) But if you don't know, that's what I think I'm trying to help people in the world with is if you don't know the math underneath why credit cards are so detrimental, then you'll do that unknowingly just from being naive. (5:32) And that's not as much their fault.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:33) You know, I don't think most people understand.

Alan Lazaros

(5:36) I do. (5:37) I agree.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:38) Yeah. (5:38) That's been, in what world could you ever possibly fathom that it would take 84 years to pay off something like that? (5:46) I knew that you could buy a fucking house and pay off a house in 54 years sooner.

Alan Lazaros

(5:51) And again, but here's the thing. (5:54) Like I knew that when I took out my first credit card, I didn't, it's math.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:00) I don't like it. (6:01) Didn't like it. (6:02) I like my math now.(6:03) I didn't like it. (6:03) I know. (6:05) And now, and they get you with the year.(6:08) It's like 0% for a year. (6:09) It's like, I'm going to be in a completely different financial place a year from today. (6:14) Of course I am.(6:16) No, no, very rarely.

Alan Lazaros

(6:19) Not only are we going to be 0% for the first year, we'll actually give you cash back. (6:25) Yeah, that's true. (6:26) Yeah.(6:26) And it's like, yeah, I understand. (6:28) I do. (6:29) But mathematics will save your life.(6:31) That is not the point of this episode, but that is the point I'm making right now.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:34) I think the way, this is my thesis. (6:36) The way to practice getting feedback is to start with positive feedback. (6:40) I think when we think of feedback, we think negative.(6:42) It means I'm doing something wrong. (6:44) It means I'm not this, I'm not enough this, I'm not good enough this. (6:46) Start with positive feedback.(6:49) Something we always used to say when we gave each other feedback is lead with praise. (6:53) Give me the fucking, give me something good before you give me something bad.

Alan Lazaros

(6:57) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:57) I think that's a really good thing. (6:59) So you can ask somebody, Hey, I'm looking to get feedback. (7:03) We've really fallen off that one.(7:05) Can we start, can we start with positive? (7:08) Can we start with some, something positive? (7:10) I think that's a really good place to start.(7:12) I think you start in one of your places where you feel empowered. (7:15) You're looking good today, Kev. (7:16) I appreciate that very much.(7:18) You're welcome. (7:18) And. (7:20) No, that's, that's all I have.(7:21) Holy shit. (7:22) Yeah. (7:23) I appreciate that.(7:24) I thought that in my head, I just didn't say it. (7:25) You're looking well also. (7:27) I look well.(7:28) Yeah. (7:30) Thank you. (7:31) I spent eight and a half hours in bed last night.(7:33) Nice. (7:34) I had a good, yeah. (7:35) 3.8. My REM score. (7:38) Here's the whole, this is a whole nother thing. (7:40) I, once you become aware of something, it's, it's painful because then it creates a pressure and responsibility. (7:50) So my deep in REM score last night is was shit.(7:54) And I was like, okay, well why? (7:56) What do we got? (7:57) I don't even, sub two.(8:00) Oh no. (8:01) Eight and a half hours in bed, sub two, deep in REM. (8:04) That's not good.(8:06) Haven't been wearing blue, blue light glasses.

Alan Lazaros

(8:09) Yep.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:10) And I used to take magnesium before bed and I stopped doing that. (8:13) So those are my two, those are my two things that I'm going to test tonight to see. (8:16) But that's a whole nother, whole nother thing.(8:18) But my brain does feel good today. (8:20) Nice. (8:21) Last couple episodes, I've been having some fits with remembering what the fuck I was talking about.(8:26) And that was honestly, for the first time ever, I was like, oh my goodness, I cannot operate like I can normally operate. (8:33) What is going on here? (8:34) This is alarming.(8:35) There's the wake up call.

Alan Lazaros

(8:37) Unfortunately, that's sometimes the obvious signs. (8:39) That's great. (8:40) That's what it takes.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:40) But that's been watching.

Alan Lazaros

(8:41) Oh, the alarm went off. (8:42) It's time. (8:44) Ladies and gentlemen.(8:45) Oh boy. (8:46) Everyone stop everything you're doing. (8:49) And listen, we have something called a monthly masterclass.(8:55) No, all right. (8:55) I'm going to stop being a caricature. (8:56) Yeah.(8:56) So every month, the first Thursday of every month, we have a monthly masterclass and I have this digital notebook. (9:06) It's called a remarkable that I share screen with and we just go. (9:10) And it's been awesome lately.(9:12) So if you want to have a deeper understanding, this is the, this is the cell. (9:19) If you want to build a business, you have to learn and understand how to do that. (9:26) And in order to do that, you got to come to this masterclass.(9:30) Boom, done. (9:31) The top five fundamentals of business. (9:33) You must understand to be successful long-term.(9:35) This is not going to teach you how to make six figures overnight. (9:37) This is not going to teach you how to work four hours a week. (9:39) This is not going to teach you anything that we have not done, practiced, succeeded at.(9:46) We are approaching a half million dollars per year in our own company in real life. (9:52) I have to keep saying real life because of the internet. (9:57) A lot of that is understandings that I can give you for free.(10:01) The link in the show notes. (10:03) You will get feedback there for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:06) Especially if you'd like it. (10:07) Yeah. (10:08) It might not be directly to you, but I think new awareness is feedback.(10:13) And sometimes the feedback is, Oh wow, I'm right on path. (10:15) I'm doing exactly what I'm, you and I had a conversation yesterday. (10:18) It was like, Oh my God, we're actually doing what we're supposed to be doing.

Alan Lazaros

(10:21) Yeah, that was good.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:22) This is amazing. (10:23) I feel amazing. (10:24) We're ahead of schedule.(10:25) We're ahead of schedule. (10:26) Holy crap. (10:26) How is that even possible?(10:27) 41% year over year, we're ahead of schedule, baby. (10:29) So this would be mine. (10:31) Cause I know the title of this is how to practice getting feedback.(10:35) I would ask somebody for positive feedback. (10:37) Hey, based on what I did, based on what I saw, based on what you saw of me, based on what I showed, whatever, what is the most important win? (10:44) What do you think I did really, really well?(10:46) And then you can ask, what's the most important improvement, most important win, most important improvement, not what you did well and what you did terribly reframe that most important win. (10:54) This is the win most important improvement. (10:56) This is the opportunity for improvement.(10:59) When I am giving feedback, which I am still terrible at to team members, I literally say this was the most important win. (11:06) And I think we made mistakes here. (11:08) This is a really good opportunity for growth.(11:10) This is the opportunity for us right now.

Alan Lazaros

(11:14) But that's the team. (11:16) Sorry to interrupt you. (11:16) No, go ahead.(11:17) I was thinking about this. (11:18) The team is always getting negative feedback because those are the things that need to change.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:24) I think that's, I always try to give positive feedback first. (11:29) I try. (11:30) I'm not saying I always do well if I have a minute to send feedback, but I always try to give something positive first.

Alan Lazaros

(11:37) Whenever you have a specific goal, like, so for example, uh, if you want to get stronger in the gym or you want to build a production company or you want to start a podcast, what tends to get focused on is what needs to improve because what you're already doing well, you're already doing it well. (11:58) So don't worry so much about it. (12:00) But then you kind of do, you, you do, you end up getting a lot more negative than positive.(12:07) If only, if you only ever get positive feedback, you're going to be delusional and inflated. (12:12) And that humble pie is coming for you because trust me, the world keeps getting better whether you do or not. (12:18) But if you only get negative feedback here, it's going to deflate your self-worth too.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:22) And your self-esteem, especially if you're in a vacuum, like if you only get, if you only get negative feedback from your family and then you go do something in the real world and you get unbelievably positive feedback, you're not going to know what the hell's going on. (12:34) You might not. (12:36) Do you think people chase wherever they get the most positive feedback?

Alan Lazaros

(12:42) Yeah, I think that's, I think feedback is connected to significance.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:45) I think that's why people like their birthdays. (12:47) 100% because you get a lot of love on your birthday. (12:50) You get, let's say you get 50 messages on Facebook.(12:53) That's probably 48 more than you're used to getting on a day-to-day basis. (12:57) Interesting. (12:58) I think a lot of it is attached to significance.(13:01) So when somebody says you did a really good job, you can feel really good about yourself and you know to a degree exactly what that person thinks of you. (13:07) But when somebody gives you negative feedback, you think it makes you bad. (13:10) And then they're looking at you differently, which they are in a way, but not necessarily beyond repair.(13:19) I think that's one of the hardest things in relationships is just, if my wife gives me this feedback, does she look at me differently? (13:27) It's like, no, that's probably the way she's always looked to a degree. (13:31) She just has never shared that before.(13:33) Now that she's shared it, you can reconcile that and work on that.

Alan Lazaros

(13:37) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:37) And shouldn't she?

Alan Lazaros

(13:39) People always say to me, they're like, well, you shouldn't really judge. (13:43) You said this once. (13:44) You're like, well, I don't want to judge you for that.(13:45) I said, you should. (13:47) You need to put that into your decision-making set, right? (13:51) I don't want to be unfairly judged, but I do want to be fairly judged.(13:57) I don't know. (13:58) I think that there's something really important about seeing people accurately, seeing things accurately. (14:05) You have to, but yeah, you're right.(14:12) I mean, if you keep it to yourself, that person never gets it. (14:15) I always used to say this. (14:16) It's like, you say all these compliments about that person behind their back, but that doesn't help them.(14:24) You never get the roses while you can still smell them and that thing. (14:27) But then also the constructive feedback, same deal. (14:30) It's like the only way to improve.(14:34) That's what coaching is. (14:35) I mean, think about an athlete. (14:36) They're getting feedback from the offensive coach, the defensive coach, the head coach, their trainer, their doctor, their lawyer, everything.(14:44) Feedback constantly. (14:46) And if you have a negative relationship with feedback, you can't improve without feedback. (14:51) Cannot.(14:51) Let's contemplate that. (14:53) I already drew the conclusion, but do you think you can improve without feedback?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:56) No, no, no. (14:58) I just think it's very important to figure out where you're getting feedback from. (15:04) The weird thing is you don't really need permission to give good feedback, but it feels like you need permission to give constructive feedback.(15:12) Like if I see, let's say I was to see someone that I see at the gym all the time, I'll go, I can go up to them and say, Hey man, you're looking awesome. (15:20) You're looking awesome, man. (15:22) But it's definitely not as accepted if I go up there and say, Hey, just so you know, like when you squat, you're doing this.(15:28) Certain people will eat that up and be like, thank you so much. (15:30) But other people be like, dude, fuck you. (15:32) Why are you, I'm just, I'm coming here to lift in peace.(15:34) Why are you trying to, why are you trying to, it's a great point. (15:37) So that, I think that's one of the reasons we have negative associations. (15:41) I don't know if I've ever given somebody a compliment and then them gotten mad at me.(15:45) I don't think that's ever happened. (15:48) Yeah. (15:48) But if you give somebody constructive criticism, I, you need permission to give constructive criticism.(15:54) You don't, I don't feel like you need as much permission to give a compliment. (15:58) Now don't be weird about it. (16:00) I'm not saying that, like, don't be weird.(16:02) Don't be a, don't be a creeper given positive feedback all the time, but you get the picture.

Alan Lazaros

(16:08) We got to jump in a second, but if you have goals, you have to set up some mechanism of feedback because if you don't have goals, there's really, you don't really need feedback. (16:17) You can just be whatever. (16:19) A hundred percent.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:19) The second you said it though, you all of a sudden need to create a mechanism of feedback. (16:24) I didn't, I wasn't tracking my, my deep in REM sleep until you put it on my PPT and it was like, Oh shit, I'm not even close to where I want to be. (16:31) Right.(16:32) Right. (16:32) That's three days.

Alan Lazaros

(16:33) And you would never do that if you didn't have goals. (16:35) Correct. (16:36) Because why would you?(16:37) Right. (16:38) Yeah. (16:38) I remember I, there's a study they did with surgeons and they found that doctors who didn't have, so surgeons have immediate negative consequences to doing something wrong right there on the table, life or death situations.(16:56) So the necessity is really high. (16:57) So they get better over time. (16:59) Statistically speaking, most doctors don't get better at their practice over time in this study.(17:04) And it makes sense because every time, I mean, I don't always want to listen to our show. (17:10) I think our show is great, but sometimes it's like, I want to learn from someone else. (17:15) I want to, I don't want to just look in the fucking mirror every day.(17:19) And, and the reason why I think is because every episode, there's never going to be a time where I'm like, yep, that was world-class, nothing to change. (17:32) Never. (17:33) And, and, but the most important thing to do probably is to listen, because if you want to get better at something, you have to observe yourself doing it.(17:41) I remember when I read that Beyonce, every single show she's ever done, she goes back to the hotel room right after and watches it that night. (17:50) That makes a lot of sense. (17:51) That's why she's so good at performing and it does suck, but it is necessary.(17:56) So whatever your thing is, whatever your craft is, you got to create some mechanism of feedback. (18:02) You got to. (18:02) And then when it comes to giving feedback, taking feedback, that's a leadership conversation.(18:08) Is it your team? (18:10) Is it your kids? (18:11) Is it your parents?(18:12) Is it your friends? (18:13) Like what's the context and what's the level of feedback that you can give? (18:17) And you can always ask, hey, can I give you a little feedback?(18:19) And if they say no, okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:22) I like, are you open? (18:23) Are you open to feedback?

Alan Lazaros

(18:24) Yeah, that's good.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:25) Yes. (18:26) Awesome. (18:26) Here's, and then you, well then, then fuck you.(18:29) Then you, then you, you got to, you got to dance nicely. (18:32) If somebody says yes, then you don't just go like, you suck at this, this, this, this, this, and this. (18:36) That's not where you start.(18:37) You, you dip your toe and then you figure out where you can go from there. (18:39) All right. (18:39) Cool.(18:40) All right. (18:40) If you want to dip your toe into a group of amazing humans who are focused on getting to the next level, we have a private Facebook group called Next Level Nation. (18:46) We'll have the link below.(18:47) As always, we love you. (18:49) We appreciate you. (18:50) Grateful for each and every one of you.(18:51) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single freaking day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(18:58) Keep reaching for your full potential. (19:01) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:02) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (19:06) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(19:09) We mean it when we say family. (19:11) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:14) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:18) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.