What’s Your Relationship With Taking L’s? (2290)

In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros challenge the way most people think about failure, consistency, and progress. This conversation cuts through common self-improvement myths and exposes why early results often lie, why discipline beats motivation, and why long-term personal development demands a different approach to decision-making.

If you are serious about building real confidence, sustainable habits, and a mindset that can withstand setbacks, this episode will recalibrate how you measure success and stay in the game.

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Learn more about:
Your first 30-minute “Business Breakthrough Session” call with Alan is FREE. This call is designed to help you identify bottlenecks and build a clear plan for your next level. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(1:13) Redefining your relationship with failure
(2:20) Detaching from outcomes without lowering standards
(4:58) Why early results are misleading
(6:48) Mastery is built through repetition
(10:32) Failure tolerance and self-esteem
(12:51) Showing up with the same standard every time
(16:27) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 1:13 Redefining your relationship with failure
• 2:20 Detaching from outcomes without lowering standards
• 4:58 Why early results are misleading
• 6:48 Mastery is built through repetition
• 10:32 Mastery is built through repetition
• 12:51 Showing up with the same standard every time
• 16:27 Outro

Transcript

Alan Lazaros

(0:00) We are so used to taking losses just every single day, essentially, for the last 10 years that when we have a win, it's like a pleasant surprise.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:12) Fail forward is something we've been saying for almost nine years, and that is the recipe for long-term success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:23) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:25) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:27) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:30) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:37) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Alan Lazaros

(0:43) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:59) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:06) Welcome to Next Level University.

Alan Lazaros

(1:11) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2,290, what's your relationship with Taken Ls? (1:18) A shout-out to Steph, the director of Next Level Hope Foundation. (1:23) Shout-out to each and every one of you who donated.(1:25) Shout-out to those of you who may have attended, volunteers, everybody. (1:29) Emilia, Bianca, Taryn, Rick, Steph, the kids. (1:35) Shout-out.(1:35) Appreciate it so very much. (1:37) We had a great showing. (1:39) Next Level Hope Foundation, this year, was the best it's ever been.(1:41) The biggest showing. (1:42) It was amazing. (1:42) Incredible.(1:43) Incredible. (1:44) Incredible. (1:45) Incredible.(1:45) It was the best. (1:47) And there was a point where I was talking to Steph, who's the director, and she was a little bit sad. (1:52) And I said, what's going on?(1:53) And she said, well, you know, a lot of people registered and not everybody came. (1:56) I said, Steph, this is the best. (1:58) This is by far, up and above, the most successful this has ever been.(2:03) Ellen and I are over the fucking moon. (2:05) This is incredible. (2:06) This is amazing.(2:08) And you and I were talking today, before we did this episode. (2:11) And I think at the end of the day, the simplest form is, I essentially, at this point, don't expect anything to work.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:17) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(2:18) I don't expect anything to happen. (2:20) And when it does, it's like, oh, shit. (2:22) Oh, that's really cool.(2:24) But in the beginning, I was hanging on everything. (2:29) If a potential client... (2:30) I had a potential client that reached out to me last week.(2:32) They signed up. (2:33) Like, oh, hey, cool. (2:34) Good to see you.(2:34) I thought you were gone forever. (2:36) I'm not going to chase you around, but I'm glad to hear you back. (2:39) Awesome.(2:40) In the beginning, if somebody said, like, you know, I once had a slight dream about starting a podcast. (2:46) I would be like, there's a... (2:47) Okay.(2:48) There's an... (2:48) Oh, yeah. (2:49) They're going to start a podcast, probably.(2:50) And if so, they're going to do it with us. (2:51) I better... (2:52) I better, like, really make sure this happens.(2:55) Get my hopes up for this. (2:56) You got it. (2:56) Obviously, you have to do the right things and you have to support and all that.(2:59) But yeah, I think I just stopped getting my hopes up about a lot of things. (3:04) And that hasn't stopped me from prepping. (3:06) That hasn't stopped me from trying to get better at those things.(3:08) But there's something about that. (3:10) And I think that's why this journey towards success is so challenging. (3:14) Yet you want the outcome that you want.(3:17) But the outcome that you want, you're most likely not going to get until you've done the thing like a dozen times. (3:22) And it's just going to be weird. (3:23) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:24) You're not going to get the outcome you want.

Alan Lazaros

(3:27) You kind of can't. (3:28) Yeah. (3:29) Did you know...(3:30) Real quick. (3:30) Did you know James Cameron directed a movie called Piranha 2? (3:35) You ever seen that shit?(3:38) Nobody has. (3:39) It's terrible.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:40) I have no doubt.

Alan Lazaros

(3:41) One of the greatest directors in the history of directing made a film about piranhas eating people. (3:48) Okay. (3:48) Yeah.(3:49) Piranha 2. (3:50) Piranha 2. (3:50) I don't think he even did the first one.(3:52) I don't know how he got the second one. (3:53) But I'm pretty sure he directed a movie called Piranha 2.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:57) Well, everybody has a lot of L's behind the scenes that no one finds out about or no one knows about. (4:04) And that's it. (4:05) And okay.(4:07) When you go into an endeavor, you want success. (4:13) You want 10 new clients. (4:15) I want 10 new clients.(4:17) I want financial freedom. (4:19) I want to be strong, fit, and healthy. (4:21) I want a six pack.(4:22) I want to be madly in love. (4:24) Everybody wants. (4:27) You're not gonna get great results the first time.

Alan Lazaros

(4:32) But isn't that the point? (4:34) Isn't the weird paradox about this? (4:36) We haven't said paradox in a minute, so we have to.(4:39) Nobody knows about James Cameron's old movies, but James Cameron knows about all his old movies that are shit. (4:44) Yeah. (4:44) And nobody knows about Beyonce's Destiny's Child because it wasn't even Beyonce at that point.(4:51) It was Destiny's Child. (4:51) Nobody knows about their beginnings where they were singing at churches and they were fucking terrible and nobody cared. (4:56) Nobody knows, but you know.(4:59) And that's the hard part is there's so much that goes on behind the scenes long before you ever get to the front of the scenes.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:09) Well, in the beginning of any journey, you are kind of, I actually like the metaphor analogy where in the beginning, you're not as bad as people think. (5:23) And at the tail end of the journey, you're not as good as people think. (5:28) And there's so many ways we could go with this.(5:32) But essentially, everyone wants a six pack. (5:36) Everyone wants to be healthy, wealthy, and in love. (5:39) But the ability to actually do those things requires mastery that it takes a long time.(5:46) Like, okay, we're podcasting right now, 2000 whatever, however many episodes, 2285? (5:55) 90, 2000, 2290. (5:58) Okay, 2290.(6:02) Me on episode 100 at my very best would still be worse than this. (6:12) My worst day in podcasting today, I reviewed, I just launched a Business Growth University episode where I unpacked 21st century business model. (6:23) And of course, when I listen back, there's certain things that I would improve.(6:27) Always. (6:28) But if I were to compare that to you and I 100 episodes in, it would be unbelievable in comparison. (6:35) And I think that's the journey, right?(6:37) James Cameron is 69 years old, maybe even older, might be 70 now. (6:42) And so the last decade for him has been tremendous. (6:47) But it took him until he was like in his late 30s to actually have really, really, really big successes.(6:53) But then it was a lot of success. (6:55) Terminator 2, Titanic, Avatar, Avatar 1, Avatar 2, and then now Avatar 3. (7:01) How was it?(7:02) Oh, dude. (7:03) Was it good? (7:04) Dude.

Alan Lazaros

(7:05) Nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:08) Best three movies of any series in history, in my opinion. (7:13) It's unbelievable how good these films are. (7:15) And I thought for sure by the third one, they were going to start ruining it.(7:19) Like I thought they would start to, what's called jump shark in film. (7:24) They call it jumping shark. (7:25) You know the TV show that was really good and then they went too overboard with it.(7:28) Oh, yeah, we're watching one right now. (7:30) It's about to do it. (7:31) It's about to do it.(7:32) Yeah. (7:32) I thought they did a great job. (7:35) Yeah, it was one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life.(7:37) Now, I don't want to ruin it for people because it turns out if you tell people that and then it's not like a 15 out of 10, they're going to be wildly disappointed. (7:45) So I made that mistake with the second one because I freaking loved the second one because I loved the first one so much. (7:52) And then when I went into the second one, I was like 10 years.(7:55) Took you 10 years. (7:57) This better be good. (7:58) And it was.(8:00) So we're not going to go down that rabbit hole, but I could talk for days about these. (8:03) I'm so pumped for the fourth and the fifth because they didn't manage to ruin them.

Alan Lazaros

(8:08) You'll be 60. (8:09) I'm sure they'd ruin them. (8:09) Probably be about 60 years of age by the time they come out with the fourth and the fifth.(8:14) So plenty of time.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:14) I do think James Cameron's got to get on it, man. (8:17) He's going to be an 80 when the fifth one comes out. (8:20) No, so they will go brave with this because we got to go.(8:23) But the 10 years for the second one set up the third, fourth, and fifth as well. (8:28) Yeah, it's not going to be another 10 years each one. (8:30) Yeah, that was just a, but I saw in 3D.

Alan Lazaros

(8:33) It was still waiting on Grand Theft Auto 6 or whatever it is there. (8:36) I think they're about 10 years into that thing. (8:38) Are they really?(8:39) Yep. (8:40) I'm not going to get it because I don't have a, I don't even know where, I don't even have a thing to play it on anymore, nor am I going to buy a new one, but it's cool to think about.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:47) Back to this though. (8:49) This is the thing that I hope lands for everybody. (8:52) In the short term, very little is actually possible.(8:56) I know that sounds depressing. (8:58) It is true though. (9:01) Like if you take the first five years of James Cameron's career, no one would know who he is.

Alan Lazaros

(9:07) Let me ask you a question. (9:07) And he would be a wild failure. (9:09) Let me ask you a question.(9:11) And maybe I might be better to answer this than you because I now have the mindset that I've gotten from you. (9:15) But in the beginning, like first event we ever did, first speaking event we ever did together. (9:22) What was your goal?(9:25) 50 people. (9:28) What was your relationship with the goal? (9:33) Try to hit it.(9:34) And then what happens if you don't?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:36) Then readjust and do it again. (9:38) And then do it again. (9:39) I think that's the key.(9:40) My goal was 50. (9:41) Remember we filled the room with 34 people. (9:43) I don't remember the specific amount, but I remember we were aiming for 50.(9:46) And then the next one we tried to do 100. (9:48) That was a mistake. (9:49) And we all, yeah, that was a mistake.(9:52) But we got like 75, 80. (9:54) Your World Within Live was like 80 people. (9:57) And then the next event, I think we were going for 250.(10:00) That was a mistake. (10:00) Also a mistake. (10:01) And that we ended up with 100.(10:03) Almost, almost. (10:04) Like 88 or something like that. (10:06) And then if you include volunteers and all that, it was like 100 people total that were impacted.(10:10) Eight speakers though. (10:12) So I'm including all that. (10:13) But the point is, is I always used to believe aim high and fail until you achieve it.(10:18) But I also realize now, and this is really detrimental for a lot of people because your self-esteem takes so many L's that I didn't realize how much a success energy affects people. (10:30) Go deeper. (10:35) If you can't hold your confidence and your self-esteem amongst taking massive failures and you're not willing to get up and get your ass kicked over and over and over again, you're basically not going to be successful because you are going to quit.(10:50) So you were accurate about some things. (10:52) I was accurate about others. (10:54) If you give something a decade, you will find success.(10:57) But you have to give it a decade. (10:59) You have to say, I'm going into this knowing I'm going to fail forward until. (11:04) And that sounds very motivational, but I mean it.(11:06) Like we did the Next Level Hope Foundation, what, five or six years in a row? (11:11) I'd have to look. (11:12) I think it's five or six.(11:13) My guess would be five. (11:15) So it took five years for a really big W. (11:17) And we had a few W's in between, obviously, right?(11:20) It's not like they were failures. (11:21) They were just less than we wanted. (11:23) That, of course, it's less people than you wanted.

Alan Lazaros

(11:26) Even this one was. (11:27) But that's the hard thing, is you might hear us talking about it and you say like, you might think, well, you're celebrating over 15, 20 kids. (11:35) It's like, yeah.(11:36) Yeah, baby. (11:37) Yeah, because you weren't there when it was, there was no one.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:40) So 15 to 20 kids is a massive win. (11:42) The first event was two grandparents, one mother, and three kids. (11:48) That was the first one.(11:50) And that was really hard for us. (11:51) Because it was like, damn, we really hoped. (11:54) It's not easy to rally people, man.(11:57) Yeah, I think, even when I say I have book club has 55 people in it, people are like, really? (12:02) You've been doing this for five years? (12:03) You have no idea.(12:05) I don't know anyone else with a book club. (12:07) You guys have no clue how hard it is to rally people in the 21st century. (12:13) A lot of people are really distracted.(12:14) Everyone's overwhelmed. (12:15) Well, and show up every time.

Alan Lazaros

(12:17) Whether there's two people or 20. (12:21) And keep the same fucking energy. (12:23) That's one of the hardest things in the world is you show up ready to go.(12:29) It's like, all right, fuck you. (12:30) I'm going to, I've been working this speech for a minute. (12:32) This is going to be great.(12:33) And then three people show up. (12:35) Yeah. (12:35) And you got to give the same speech.(12:37) If anything, you got to give it better than you would have if there was 300. (12:40) Because there's only three people and you can see them looking right at you.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:43) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(12:43) That's, I think that's one of the hard things is no matter, expectation versus reality is definitely a thing. (12:49) The performance cannot change based on that. (12:52) Because if it does, you're not going to get the 300 people.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:55) Let's you and I do this. (12:55) So in the early days, I was aim high and fail forward until you were aim low and hit. (13:02) I now understand that this has to be so staff shout out to you.(13:06) Absolutely crushed it. (13:07) Unbelievable. (13:08) But we had 52 people rent RSVP, 52 kids, 35 adults, 52 kids.(13:13) And I always think you got to take a third right off the top because people are busy. (13:17) They got things going on, right? (13:19) So at least you take a third off the top.(13:20) So prepare for two thirds. (13:22) We prepared for, I think, three thirds. (13:24) And then we had about 40% or so.(13:27) But the point though is if you're expecting 52, you're going to set yourself up for a massive L emotionally and self-esteem wise and all that kind of stuff. (13:36) One thing that has helped me a lot in coaching, and I want to give this to all our listeners. (13:42) I used to think you were insecure about failure.(13:46) Like Kev? (13:47) Yeah. (13:47) Not at all anymore.(13:49) Other people are way more insecure than you about failure or as insecure. (13:54) Most people are fronting and I don't mean this negatively anymore. (13:57) I'm not trying to say it's a bad thing.(13:58) I'm saying like almost everyone is way less successful than they are perceived. (14:03) Almost everyone. (14:04) And when you coach behind the scenes, that's actually one of the hardest parts of my job is a lot of people don't want me to know how much less successful they are.(14:13) And so it's hard for me to actually work on it. (14:15) So it's this weird paradox. (14:16) It's like you have to be willing to fail and then talk about those failures in order to actually work on them and enable, wow, to be able to eventually become successful.(14:27) And so five years and that was the biggest win we've had. (14:30) You're going to have wins and losses. (14:32) I think the losses are going to be the best metaphor in the world, in my opinion, is baseball.(14:37) You're going to strike out. (14:40) You're going to get on base a third of the time. (14:42) And if you do, you're in the Hall of Fame.

Alan Lazaros

(14:44) Maybe not as much anymore, but like three point, you get on the three and a half times out of 10, you're one of the best ever do it.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:51) Well, 330 would be 3.33. So that'd be.

Alan Lazaros

(14:56) Sorry. (14:56) Sorry. (14:56) I was thinking.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:57) 330 batting average wouldn't be in the Hall of Fame.

Alan Lazaros

(14:59) No, 330 would. (14:59) But you said three out of 10, three out of 10 is 300.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:01) No, no. (15:02) I said, I said a third.

Alan Lazaros

(15:03) Okay. (15:04) The third is 3.33. I would say 333. (15:07) You're yeah.(15:08) Okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:08) You're one of the best. (15:09) I think that's a great metaphor. (15:10) I do too.(15:10) If you're taking a W. (15:12) But nobody thinks about it like that. (15:14) One third of the time you are absolutely crushing it.

Alan Lazaros

(15:16) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:17) In business and success for sure. (15:19) Yeah. (15:19) You're going to be just fine.(15:20) You're going to be, you're ahead of everyone. (15:22) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(15:22) You just have to keep going. (15:23) And then it's the compound effect of that. (15:24) Well, I think that's the perspective.(15:26) We'll get, we get a hop because Alan's got a coaching call. (15:27) But the perspective is if you let the success be a surprise. (15:31) I went to Toronto to the mastermind and I literally, somebody said like, what's your intention?(15:36) Like you going up there to get clients and stuff. (15:37) I said, I'm going up there to add value and learn as much as I can.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:39) Nice.

Alan Lazaros

(15:40) And we got a fair amount of clients from that. (15:43) But that wasn't my, I said, anything else is a bonus. (15:46) I'm going to learn.(15:47) I get to spend time with one of our clients that I love. (15:49) Like anything else is a bonus. (15:51) The bonus came and I was like, oh, cool.(15:52) That's awesome. (15:53) And if it didn't happen.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:55) Well, you got to be strategic. (15:56) You still have to be strategic. (15:56) And you also are good with people and all that kind of stuff.(15:58) So there's some disclaimers there, but I do love the mentality.

Alan Lazaros

(16:01) Yeah. (16:01) Yeah. (16:01) There are some things under that for sure.(16:03) But I used to go in saying I have to leave with this result or it was a failure. (16:07) That, and trust me, I left with that result as a failure many times. (16:10) All right.(16:11) Thank you to everybody who had anything to do with Next Level Hope Foundation. (16:16) Donations, volunteering your time, all of it. (16:18) Attendees, all of it.(16:19) We appreciate it so much. (16:20) If you're looking to make 2026 better than 2025 was, Alan has coaching slots available. (16:24) Reach out to him.(16:25) We'll have all his information in the show notes. (16:27) As always, we love you. (16:28) We appreciate you.(16:28) Grateful for each and every one of you. (16:30) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (16:36) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:39) Next Level Nation.

Alan Lazaros

(16:41) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (16:45) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:48) We mean it when we say family. (16:50) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (16:53) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(16:56) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.