Letting Go May Be The Most Important Thing (2293)

Hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros challenge the common belief that self-improvement is about doing more. They examine why real personal development often requires letting go, not adding on. Through years of experience, disciplined consistency, and thousands of conversations with high performers, they explore how outdated habits, environments, and identities quietly sabotage decision-making and long-term growth.

This conversation is for anyone serious about clarity, alignment, and building a life that actually moves forward instead of staying busy in place. Listen with intention, because what you release next may matter more than what you pursue.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
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Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:46) Outgrowing habits, environments, and identities
(4:17) The cocoon phase of personal development
(6:00) Why returning to the old world creates clarity
(8:22) Conscious contrast accelerates growth
(10:56) Awareness changes how you see the past
(13:44) The real cost of becoming your future self
(17:55) What your future self wishes you released sooner
(18:23) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 3:46 Outgrowing habits, environments, and identities
• 4:17 The cocoon phase of personal development
• 6:00 Why returning to the old world creates clarity
• 8:22 Conscious contrast accelerates growth
• 10:56 Awareness changes how you see the past
• 13:44 The real cost of becoming your future self
• 17:55 What your future self wishes you released sooner
• 18:23 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) We're all looking for the next book, the next thing, the next coach, the next lesson, the next YouTube video, whatever it is, and I think that's obviously super valuable, but one of the best things you can do is say, what do I have? (0:13) What have I been holding on to that I need to let go of? (0:16) I think that's one of the most powerful things in the world.

Alan Lazaros

(0:18) In my coaching program, I have something called the 3D plan. (0:21) Delete, delegate, double down. (0:23) Delete is the first one for a reason.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:25) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:28) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:32) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:39) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:46) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:01) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:08) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:14) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,293, letting go may be the most important thing. (1:20) I remember back in the day, Alan and I had our studio. (1:25) It was in Worcester, Massachusetts.(1:27) It was this nice old mill building. (1:28) They had a bunch of suites and we had our studio. (1:33) I would get up super early.(1:34) GTs. (1:36) GTs. (1:37) Good times?(1:38) Good times. (1:39) I don't know. (1:40) Yes, very good times and also terrible times at the same time, but good times.(1:44) I would get up early. (1:46) I'd go to the gym. (1:48) I'd go to the studio.(1:49) I would get an omelet, a side of hash browns, and a side of veggies, and I would watch people play Call of Duty on the big screen. (1:59) I loved Call of Duty. (2:01) I was learning about it.(2:02) I was learning about the movement. (2:04) I was learning all about it.

Alan Lazaros

(2:05) R.I.P. to the inventor.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:07) I saw that.

Alan Lazaros

(2:08) Yeah, car crash, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:09) I saw that. (2:10) Cars are dangerous, everybody. (2:12) Cars are.(2:13) I'm pretty sure it was a very fast car as well. (2:16) I believe it was like an exotic car. (2:17) Humble in those cars.(2:19) That always makes it even more dangerous. (2:22) I loved it. (2:24) I loved Call of Duty.(2:26) When I lived with Matt, we would literally roll. (2:30) My TV was on a stand that had wheels. (2:33) We would roll my TV out to the living room.(2:36) We would play on two TVs. (2:37) It was fucking awesome. (2:38) Great times.(2:40) I spent some time with Matt. (2:42) GTs. (2:43) I spent some time with Matt this weekend, and we were talking about how we let that go.(2:50) We don't do that anymore. (2:51) I don't even know where my console is. (2:54) Grand Theft Auto is coming out, the new one.(2:56) It's going to be the biggest game ever of all time. (2:57) I'm not going to buy it. (3:00) That's kind of all over for me, but this is what we did do going back to golf.(3:04) We went to a golf simulator, and we played golf indoors, and it was awesome. (3:11) It was the fucking best time ever. (3:13) I don't care if I never play video games again.(3:15) That was the jam. (3:16) That's the new thing. (3:17) That's like real-life video games, so maybe there's a parallel there.(3:21) I look back, and I've learned so many things. (3:25) I've met amazing people. (3:26) We've had amazing coaches.(3:28) I've read a lot of books, all that shit. (3:29) Yes, and that's all super important, but in order for that stuff to land, you've got to let go of some of the stuff that might be holding you back. (3:36) I think that's one of the hardest things in the world because when it becomes normal, it kind of becomes out of sight, out of mind, and you don't really think about it.(3:46) That would be my early challenge for everybody. (3:48) What's one thing you can let go that might actually create space for something you need today?

Alan Lazaros

(3:53) For anyone out there watching or listening, have you ever had a moment where you saw an old friend or colleague or mentee or something that you sailed away from, and then you go back and you spend time? (4:07) I use the metaphor Emilia used this, and I really do like it. (4:12) The caterpillar goes into the cocoon and then becomes a butterfly.(4:17) It's old world, lonely land in the cocoon alone, and then a butterfly is new world. (4:22) When you first get into personal development, self-improvement, personal growth, and self-help, you think, it's like, oh my goodness, this is amazing. (4:30) Then you go into lonely land and realize no one cares.(4:34) Not no one, but the majority of people don't. (4:36) Then you eventually come out different. (4:40) I used to go back to old world all the time.(4:43) I remember I went to a bar we used to go to called Pins. (4:47) You know Pins.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:49) I got hammered there often and bowled. (4:51) That's a great fucking time. (4:52) It was a great time.(4:54) It was.

Alan Lazaros

(4:57) On Friday and Saturday nights, they used to have a DJ. (5:01) And one of my close friends at the time was the GM of the bar. (5:07) So we would rage, but this was post.(5:10) I had quit drinking at this point, so I was sober and everyone else was drinking. (5:14) And I had a lot of fun. (5:15) I did.(5:16) Fun was always the case. (5:18) I mean, you can't go back in the old world and not have fun. (5:19) The problem is you go back in old world and you have this moment.(5:24) So listeners, anyone watching, think about this moment when you realize that the person you care about deeply has a very small world. (5:35) Their world is this small. (5:38) The things they focus on, the things they talk about, person's places, things and ideas that are surrounded by them are just like depressing.(5:48) It makes you sad. (5:50) And what happens is, and the metaphor here is, you're a butterfly and you've gone out into the world and you've conquered new endeavors and goals and dreams. (6:00) And then you kind of go back into old world, but you put your wings away and you go back to talk about nostalgia and the old days.(6:11) And I've had those moments so many times where it's like, oh, I've been expanding my consciousness, expanding my capabilities, expanding my life every day since you and I last spoke. (6:24) And they say, same shit, different day, man, you know. (6:27) And it's, no, I don't know.(6:30) I've been learning every day. (6:34) I've been growing every day. (6:35) I met, we've interviewed Olympic athletes and we've expanded so much, you know, we know like how the world works, not fully obviously, but way more than we did when we were kids.(6:46) That's why Facebook memory of the day is the best freaking habit ever. (6:49) I started it up again, Facebook memo, TD memory of the day. (6:53) Seven years ago, I posted that clip of me and Kevin and the old intro we used to have to the hyperconscious podcast.(7:00) That's what we were talking about the last episode. (7:02) The reason why those are so valuable is because you go back to old world without the detriments. (7:07) You go back to old world and go, oh shit.(7:11) Kev was pretty insecure, huh? (7:13) Wow. (7:13) Our voices were different.(7:15) Wow. (7:16) That intro was kind of long. (7:20) And, uh, I had a few people DM me people who listened back then and it's mind blowing for them too.(7:29) Cause they remember you and I back then too. (7:32) A question for you. (7:33) Yes, sir.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:34) You think you can really, you can really change without the detriment of going back in the beginning?

Alan Lazaros

(7:42) You know, what do you mean?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:45) You said Facebook memory of the day allows you to go back without the detriment of going back. (7:51) But in the beginning, I feel like you kind of need the pain of going back to old world and realizing, oh my goodness, I don't belong here anymore. (7:57) Exactly.(7:58) You can't do it in virtual reality.

Alan Lazaros

(8:00) You got to do it in like, I would hold the duality on that one, which would be, okay, here's the equation I see in my head. (8:13) It's in a circle. (8:15) The first step is embark on a new endeavor, new goals, new dreams.(8:22) So for me, quit drinking, started doing bodybuilding, fitness. (8:25) Okay. (8:26) Then I went back to old world where people were still partying and I had quit drinking and started doing fitness every day.(8:33) And I realized, oh, you guys aren't concerned that you're going to be really out of shape in the future. (8:39) Interesting. (8:40) You have way different goals than I do.(8:41) I'm heading in a different direction than you. (8:43) My, the set of my sale is different. (8:45) That is the slingshot that then makes you realize, okay, I have to let go.(8:50) It's like, if you guys went back and played Call of Duty, it's like when you and I went and watched super bad, that was a perfect example of old world. (8:59) You and I are in Milwaukee giving a speech to 1200 kids or something like that. (9:08) And you and I are getting tacos and we're, we want to watch a movie.(9:12) This was the night after we gave the speech and you and I back super bad came out when I was a freshman in college. (9:21) So we had just graduated high school, right? (9:24) No.(9:25) Well, I think it was sooner than that, wasn't it? (9:27) 2007 or 2008 is my guess. (9:30) Well, we graduated in 2007, right?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:32) Yeah. (9:34) Super bad 2011. (9:35) Oh no, sorry.(9:36) 2007 2007. (9:37) So the year, the year we graduated high school.

Alan Lazaros

(9:39) So the year we graduated high school. (9:41) And so that's a particularly interesting age because in the movie super bad, the whole thing takes place when they're about to go to college. (9:47) So for our age, it was optimal timing.(9:51) And I remember in my dorm room in 2007, 2008, everybody was watching and talking about that movie because it was so funny. (10:02) You and I went back and watched it and realized the implications as grown ass men and how sexist it is and how objectifying women it is. (10:12) And while some of it is still hilarious and comedy is comedy, we couldn't enjoy it like we once could.(10:21) It was weird. (10:21) It was weird because we have the loves of our lives and we don't objectify women. (10:27) And we've met so many women all over the world at that point.(10:29) We've had listeners from all over the world. (10:31) Like, and we've heard the horror stories of what happens behind the scenes. (10:36) Something crazy.(10:37) I don't know the exact stat, but it's like one in five women have dealt with sexual assault on some level. (10:42) It's crazy.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:43) Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me unfortunately.

Alan Lazaros

(10:45) And so you and I went back and watched the movie and it was still funny, but it wasn't the same. (10:50) And it's not supposed to be. (10:51) Yeah.(10:52) It's we're watching the same movie. (10:53) This is a great quote by Bob Proctor. (10:56) He said, when you read a book you read before and you notice something new in the book, you didn't notice before.(11:02) You're not noticing something new in the book. (11:04) You're noticing something new in yourself. (11:06) And I think that that's a great freaking metaphor.(11:08) I go back and watch avatar the first one to prepare for the third one, which was amazing. (11:14) And it's even better. (11:17) That's when you know, it's a masterpiece.(11:18) You and I went back and watched meet the parents and it was even fucking funnier coming up in the new one. (11:23) Are they that series? (11:26) The first two in particular is hilarious.(11:30) Just comedic genius in my honest opinion. (11:32) But the point is, is you go back and watch meet the parents, you and I versus watching super bad. (11:38) And one of them, we can't go back fully.(11:40) Well, that was a conscious decision is still aligned.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:42) That was a, that was a conscious decision for us. (11:44) It was like, well, let's watch something that we know we'll actually enjoy. (11:49) You know, that was a conscious decision.(11:51) Yeah. (11:51) It's rough. (11:51) It's rough.(11:53) And I think that's the hard thing is like, what does it mean to, I was talking to somebody the other day and they were talking about like, yeah, I got into UFC a little bit. (12:01) I've been watching mixed martial arts. (12:02) Like you've been watching it lately.(12:04) And I said, nah, not really. (12:06) I'm not, I'm not in like I used to be.

Alan Lazaros

(12:09) I'm not in man.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:11) I'm not in it's on late. (12:12) I go to bed early. (12:13) I'll still catch some of it, but like, I'm not a fan.(12:16) Like I used to be, I don't, I'm never going to go to one. (12:19) That was like a dream for me. (12:20) A dream for me was to like sit front row or get a box at UFC.(12:23) Like that's, I don't care about that anymore. (12:25) That's never going to happen.

Alan Lazaros

(12:26) I still enjoy when I would say, cause I used to, I was like, by the time you become the man who can afford that, you won't do it.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:32) Fucking arrogant of you to assume that you know what I'm going to want when I get there. (12:38) And now it's like, yeah, I feel like you probably, you probably were pretty accurate. (12:41) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(12:42) I would say you increased your consciousness. (12:44) I think it level of consciousness that can't watch super bad.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:47) It scared me. (12:49) I think it scared me because I'm going to get to the place where I don't like anything anymore. (12:54) No, you're going to get to the place where you don't like anything you used to like.(12:57) Well, that's scary. (12:58) Cause to me, that means I'm not going to like anything cause I'm so used to that's, I think that's the fear of letting go is you don't know what it's going to get replaced with because it's not always, you see the thing it's going to get replaced with and realize you have to let something go. (13:11) That's not always the case.

Alan Lazaros

(13:12) Sometimes you have to let it go long before you're going to, is that why you were afraid about letting go dominoes? (13:19) It's all a choice. (13:20) I don't think I want to commit to that.(13:23) Then don't that's, that's the cool thing is you don't have to, but it does reach a point. (13:28) Cause trust me, I, I ate dominoes for years.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:30) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:30) And then eventually it was like, and we would eat really healthy for a little while. (13:35) And then I'd go back and be like, oh, well that's the, yeah. (13:38) And I don't know if I've gone reaching your full potential scares people because you do, you have to let go of so much.(13:44) It's a big ask, especially people for me. (13:47) I can let go of dominoes. (13:49) No problem.(13:50) I have people that I knew deeply that I loved genuinely that I may never see again. (13:58) Yeah. (13:59) And that is the fucking worst.(14:01) Well, you and I are opposite on that. (14:04) And every time I do go back, I realized that I can't, that's, that's the metaphor. (14:10) You're a butterfly now and you can't go back.(14:15) Well, you know, you can go back and you can be a tourist, but you can't move back in. (14:19) You can't go back. (14:20) Yeah.(14:21) And if I were to go back to that home that I grew up in, have you driven by in my mind? (14:30) What have you driven by? (14:32) No, we were talking about that.(14:33) Yeah. (14:34) But like, it's not what it was because now I'm too, I'm too aware now. (14:41) I know like we had a blast and we had parties and it wasn't all bad, but you learn the downsides underneath the underbelly of that.(14:49) And you go back and you cry or whatever, and then you return a new, I think, and to answer your original question, I actually do think this is it. (15:02) I think it's, you said it, you have a new belief in yourself, new understanding of yourself, others in the world. (15:08) So you set a bigger goal, you go on this, embark on this journey, and then you come back different.(15:13) You come back bigger, expanded in some way. (15:17) And then you try to go back to old world and you can't. (15:20) And then that is like an identity crisis.(15:23) And now you have a deeper understanding again. (15:25) And now you go and set, that's what next level is all about. (15:28) So yeah, I do think to your point, you do have to go back to the previous level to slingshot to the next level.(15:35) I do think that that's part of the equation. (15:37) Just do it consciously and do it intelligently.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:40) Well, you had the moment where you ate dominoes. (15:42) You're like, I can't do this. (15:43) I haven't had that yet.(15:45) When you do, it'll be time. (15:47) So in my mind, I can't imagine that. (15:49) But again, I was the biggest mixed martial arts fan ever of all time.(15:53) I was, again, everybody says this. (15:55) I was into it before anybody else was.

Alan Lazaros

(15:58) Okay. (15:58) I was into that.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:00) I was watching this and you wanted to be a professional fighter, dude. (16:03) Yes. (16:03) I was in this, into this in like 2000 and super fan.

Alan Lazaros

(16:07) Yes. (16:07) Ever too.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:08) So when they fall, they fall hard. (16:11) They fall hard. (16:12) Right?(16:12) Yeah. (16:13) So it's painful. (16:14) It sucks.(16:15) But in order to get to where you want to get to, yeah, you're going to have to learn a lot of stuff. (16:20) You're going to have to meet a lot of people. (16:21) You're going to have to do all that stuff.(16:22) You're going to have to bring a lot of things into your life, but you're also going to have to let go of a lot of shit too. (16:27) And that is one of the downsides for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(16:30) What's your wrap up? (16:31) We got two minutes here. (16:32) I have one that I think good.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:34) That that's my wrap up is for every, for every five things you learn and you bring in, you probably are going to have to let go of five things for your own good. (16:44) And I think to your point, the people part of it is the hardest because it's like, well, you know, I'm, I'm letting people go and I feel bad for them and they're going to look at me differently. (16:55) And all those things are true.(16:58) And at the end of the day, it's up to you to become successful and whatever that means to you. (17:03) And I still have a firm belief that you will regret it more if you let people pull you down than you will, if you let them go. (17:10) I am of that belief.(17:11) I've always been of that belief as somebody who is unfortunately lost a lot of people that I really love and I really care for still think about them, still cry about them all the time. (17:21) I still believe it was necessary, unfortunately. (17:23) So that is my bow.

Alan Lazaros

(17:25) Yeah. (17:26) You have a choice, your goals and dreams or whatever old world was for you. (17:31) And I think that I would told myself a story for a long time that I could have both.(17:36) And I think my goals and dreams have saved my life because they forced me to embark on an Epic journey that got me out of some terrible relationships and around some pretty terrible people. (17:45) And yeah, there's some wonderful people that I absolutely miss. (17:49) The question I would ask myself, I would encourage everyone to ask themselves is go into your future.(17:55) Think about you five years from now and ask yourself, what is this version of me going to wish I let go of sooner?

Kevin Palmieri

(18:04) Tough one. (18:04) That's a tough question. (18:05) That's a paradox right there.(18:07) All right. (18:07) Next on the nation is our private Facebook group. (18:09) If you're looking for an amazing community and if you're looking for more one-on-one customized support, Alan still has coaching spots available.(18:15) We'll have his stuff in the show notes, his Instagram, Facebook, email, all that stuff. (18:20) You can reach out and have a conversation with the one and only Alan Lazarus. (18:23) As always, we love you.(18:24) We appreciate you. (18:25) Grateful for each and every one of you. (18:26) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(18:34) Keep reaching up, keep reaching up, keep reaching, leveling up to your full potential. (18:39) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:42) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (18:46) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(18:49) We mean it when we say family. (18:51) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:54) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(18:58) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.