Why We All Need To Work On Our Self-Worth (2327)

What if the thing holding you back is not confidence, but the feedback you keep avoiding?

In this episode, Kevin and Alan challenge one of the most popular myths in self-improvement. Real self-worth is not built by feeling good. It is built by doing the work, facing blind spots, and improving what actually matters. Drawing from years of coaching, hard-earned lessons, and thousands of conversations, they explain why comfort-driven advice slows progress and why real growth requires honest mirrors.

This is a grounded conversation about responsibility, discipline, and becoming someone who can handle the truth. Press play if you want progress that lasts, not reassurance that fades.

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Show notes:
(2:08) Discipline, discomfort, and what modern culture avoids
(5:12) Finding the real constraint that holds you back
(10:11) Self-worth determines how much feedback you can handle
(15:44) Why growth requires honest mirrors, not validation
(21:02) There is no coast mode in life or business
(29:15) Tying self-esteem to progress, not praise
(31:51) Self-worth as your capacity to use feedback
(34:53) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Chapters

• 2:08 Discipline, discomfort, and what modern culture avoids
• 5:12 Finding the real constraint that holds you back
• 10:11 Self-worth determines how much feedback you can handle
• 15:44 Why growth requires honest mirrors, not validation
• 21:02 There is no coast mode in life or business
• 29:15 Tying self-esteem to progress, not praise
• 31:51 Self-worth as your capacity to use feedback
• 34:53 Outro

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) We had one of the most powerful sessions we've ever had in the Next Level Podcast Accelerator yesterday. (0:06) It was all about self-belief and self-worth. (0:09) Today we're going to talk about maybe one of the most important pieces of self-worth that might get talked about not at all or definitely not enough.

Alan Lazaros

(0:16) Question to contemplate today, can you improve without feedback? (0:21) And are you going to take feedback if you don't feel good about yourself?

Kevin Palmieri

(0:24) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:27) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:28) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:32) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:38) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:45) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:01) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:07) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:13) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,327, why we all need to work on our self-worth. (1:21) Alan sent me an excerpt from a book and he said, I'd love to do an episode on this.(1:25) And I feel like the excerpt from the book was pretty close to a lot of stuff we've been talking about recently. (1:30) But based on the excerpt, you'll get why we decided to land on this particular topic for today. (1:38) 548 AM.(1:40) That's when he sends it to me?

Alan Lazaros

(1:41) Yeah. (1:42) 13 degrees outside. (1:44) I'm joking.(1:46) No, but it was 548. (1:47) When I can't sleep, I read because it's boring and you fall back to sleep. (1:51) So this is the excerpt.(1:54) As an apprentice, the book is Mastery by Robert Green. (1:59) It's long. (2:00) It's extremely boring.(2:02) It is of tremendous value. (2:04) And I do recommend it. (2:06) Just understand what you're getting yourself into.(2:08) Okay. (2:09) As an apprentice, it can be hard for us to challenge ourselves on our own in the proper way and to get a clear sense of our own weaknesses. (2:16) The times that we live in make this even harder, which is what we've been talking about lately.(2:23) Developing discipline through challenging situations and perhaps suffering along the way are no longer values that are promoted in our culture. (2:30) That's what Kevin and I have been talking about in the last couple episodes. (2:33) Suffering was what we talked about as one of the five S's.(2:40) Developing discipline through challenging situations. (2:42) Yeah. (2:42) Okay.(2:43) No longer promoted in our culture. (2:44) Good. (2:44) People are increasingly reluctant to tell each other the truth about themselves, their weaknesses, their inadequacies, and flaws in their work.(2:52) Even the self-help books designed to set us straight tend to be soft and flattering, telling us what we want to hear, that we are basically good and can get what we want by following a few simple steps. (3:05) It seems abusive or damaging to people's self-esteem to offer them stern, realistic criticism, to set them tasks that will make them aware of how far they have to go. (3:15) In fact, this indulgence and fear of hurting people's feelings is far more abusive in the long run.(3:20) It makes it hard for people to gauge where they are or to develop self-discipline. (3:24) It makes them unsuited for the rigors of the journey to mastery. (3:27) It weakens people's will.(3:29) All right. (3:30) So I lately have been on a theme. (3:40) The place that I hold in a lot of people's lives, particularly as a coach, is the one person in their life that is not there to validate them, not there to affirm them, not there to say, you're already enough and everything's going to work out and it's all good.(3:55) My truth is, it's not just going to work out. (3:58) Your future is not going to be bright by default. (4:01) Your dreams are not just going to accomplish themselves.(4:04) As a matter of fact, even if you put everything into your goals and dreams, you still might lose. (4:09) And so I do believe in the 21st century in particular, and I don't know when this shifted, but there's a lot of books like Girl, Wash Your Face and The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F, and I call it fake self-help. (4:25) I call it fake self-improvement.(4:29) Real self-improvement, squad listeners, is looking at where you are currently sucking and then working on that. (4:41) Last piece. (4:42) I say this to my clients all the time.(4:45) You are not not successful because you don't believe enough in what you already believe. (4:52) You are not successful because you have blind spots and weaknesses that are holding you back from really achieving the goals that you want. (5:01) The last thing I'm going to do in coaching is, hey, you're already doing everything you should be.(5:05) Keep it up. (5:07) End of call. (5:08) Never.(5:09) That never happens. (5:10) Instead, we target the constraint. (5:12) Hey, Kevin, how you been lately?(5:14) Pretty good, Alan. (5:15) You? (5:16) Great.(5:17) Where are you fucking up lately? (5:18) All over the place. (5:20) Let's talk about it and improve.(5:21) Obviously, I'm being playful, but at the end of the day, my job is to ask questions, get my client talking, and then figure out where they're off about themselves, others in the world, and then give them feedback on things they can track or focus on or do differently, skills they don't have yet, leadership. (5:38) Every client, I have 25 of them. (5:40) If I had a list in front of me, I could tell you the biggest bottleneck to every single one of them in real time probably.(5:48) I was just talking with a client earlier. (5:51) We just changed his most important skill to staying focused. (5:55) He is studying.(5:57) He needs to study. (5:58) He has 17 days until an exam. (6:01) It's called a Series 7.(6:02) It's a financial exam. (6:03) 125 countries, 125 questions, not countries, 125 questions, three hours, 25 minutes to complete the exam, pass or fail, go. (6:13) He has to study.(6:14) We're tracking the minutes studying, and his most important skill is focus. (6:19) Sit in a room by your fucking self. (6:21) Don't let anyone distract you.(6:23) Turn your fucking phone off and just study. (6:26) That's it. (6:27) If you can't do that, all your goals and dreams are not possible.(6:32) This Series 7 exam is necessary for you to get to the next level. (6:35) You might be able to run this whole goddamn firm, but you can't do it unless you get this test. (6:39) I know I'm hardcore, but at the end of the day, what is this whole thing about, you got this, and it's all going to work out, and you're amazing.(6:47) No, you're not. (6:49) I'm not. (6:49) Kevin's not.(6:51) Yeah, we're amazing as human beings, but when it comes to your goals and dreams and success, if you were already good enough, you'd already achieve them all. (7:02) If I was already good enough, we would already have achieved all our dreams. (7:05) I just got off of me and Kevin before we hit record.(7:08) I was like, dude, our marketing sucks, our branding sucks, everything needs to change, and next year when we get to a new level, a next level, it's going to be because you and I looked in the face of all the shit we suck at and then worked on it, and then we suck at it less, and then we get more success. (7:25) We still suck at it. (7:27) We still suck at it.(7:27) That's the thing, right? (7:28) Yeah, but not compared, and again, it's all relative, but I just don't get the overly affirmy shit. (7:33) I just don't.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:34) I think a piece of it, honestly, I do, I think a piece of it is you don't know how down some people are. (7:43) I think that's a piece of it. (7:45) I don't want to read Girl, Wash Your Face.(7:48) I will never read The Subtle Art of Not Giving. (7:50) I'm not interested. (7:51) I'm just not interested.(7:52) I don't think it's ... (7:53) Is there some value in there for me? (7:54) For sure.(7:55) Is there also a giant risk that it throws me off track? (7:58) For sure. (7:59) Good for you, man.(8:00) There are certain books that Alan has sent me where I'm like, I don't think it's ... (8:04) I don't want to do this. (8:05) I don't want to read this.

Alan Lazaros

(8:06) For the listener, I just want to jump in here and say, Kevin, the last thing Kevin needs to do is give an F less. (8:12) You need to give an F more. (8:14) You need care more about your goals and dreams.(8:17) You need to care more about your life and your team.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:19) There's probably internal shit that that might help me unlock.

Alan Lazaros

(8:22) Yeah, to just let go of caring and just take away all responsibility.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:27) Certain things. (8:27) Certain things. (8:27) I know.

Alan Lazaros

(8:28) Again, I've only read some ... (8:29) I've read enough of the book to know what it is. (8:32) And again, yeah, the book is basically saying, hey, you shouldn't worry so much.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:39) Have you ever met someone really successful who doesn't worry? (8:44) I don't ... (8:45) With so much love to anybody who has read it, I don't think really successful people are reading that book.(8:50) I agree. (8:51) I don't think it's for really successful people. (8:52) I think it's for people at the beginning.(8:55) I do. (8:55) I think it's for people at the beginning. (8:56) And the problem is at the beginning, you don't necessarily understand what to parse out.(9:02) They're saying like, well, this person's successful and they said, this is what they said to do. (9:06) I was on a call with a client yesterday. (9:08) I have a wonderful relationship with this person.(9:10) We've worked together for years. (9:11) Just a great human being. (9:13) And they said, well, look at this person on Instagram.(9:15) I mean, they have a million followers and they're doing it this way. (9:18) And I said, you and I both know that that's probably not how they started though. (9:21) That's what they do now.(9:22) And they're like, yeah, fuck. (9:23) Okay. (9:24) I know.(9:24) I understand. (9:26) What I say about podcasting is different than what I would say at the beginning. (9:30) It might be different than what you need at the beginning.(9:32) And I don't know. (9:34) There is some responsibility. (9:36) There's a ton of responsibility on the creator and there's a ton of responsibility on the reader.(9:40) Problem is the reader doesn't necessarily know what's true and what's not yet, which is where things get all fucked up. (9:47) Okay. (9:48) Why is it worse than it's ever been?(9:49) Because there's more stupid fucking books than there's ever been.

Alan Lazaros

(9:51) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:52) Agreed. (9:52) Because there's a market for stupid books. (9:54) And there's a lower barrier to entry to publishing a book.(9:57) Anybody can write a book now. (9:58) Yeah. (9:58) It's like anybody can start a podcast, which I love.(10:00) Right. (10:01) I was a buffoon who started a podcast and it all has worked out. (10:04) It's panned out nicely.(10:06) But so here, this is the thought process for this episode and why we wanted to do it. (10:11) Self-worth can help you receive feedback that those books aren't helping you with self-worth. (10:18) If they are, it's diluting you into thinking you have more self-worth than you actually do.(10:23) It's not really building it.

Alan Lazaros

(10:25) So let's go into that. (10:29) Okay. (10:29) In the beginning, would you say you had low self-worth?(10:34) Yes, for sure. (10:35) Okay. (10:37) Okay.(10:38) Remember the story you tell in group coaching where you were working at a hospital cleaning toilets and there was a nurse who wanted to date you and you said no chance in a million years because she's six feet tall and you're shorter. (10:53) Kevin shows a photo in that one. (10:57) I was dying laughing.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:59) I do look like a serial killer a little bit.

Alan Lazaros

(11:00) I had to go off camera. (11:02) Also, it's like, was it 2009 or something? (11:05) 2010?(11:06) So I don't know if you had a Blackberry or what, but it's the blurriest photo of all time.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:10) First of all, you know me. (11:11) Blackberries were cool. (11:12) Was never going to have one.(11:13) Fuck it.

Alan Lazaros

(11:13) That's true. (11:14) That's fair.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:14) Give me what everybody else doesn't have.

Alan Lazaros

(11:15) Yeah, that's right. (11:15) What did you have?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:16) A flip phone at that point? (11:18) Whatever. (11:19) Yeah.(11:19) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(11:20) Razor?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:21) Motorola? (11:21) No, never had a razor either because fuck that. (11:23) That was popular.(11:24) Anything that's popular, Kevin can't do. (11:26) I don't remember, but it was a Motorola.

Alan Lazaros

(11:28) My point of this is you didn't have the self-worth to believe that you were of value enough for a six foot tall nurse who's successful at that stage. (11:39) Okay. (11:39) Okay.(11:41) If I had coached you back then, I would have sensed that you had low self-worth and I would have tried to help you understand the root cause of why your self-worth is low. (11:51) And one of the reasons would be, hey, you don't really discipline yourself to do hard things. (11:57) You're really good at work and that's all great, but you need to do things on your own accord that you need to invest in yourself.(12:03) So let's get you start reading some books. (12:05) Have you ever bought a personal development book? (12:07) You'd say, no.(12:08) I said, okay, well, can we start here? (12:09) And it certainly wouldn't be with the subtle art of not giving an F because that would just get you to stop worrying about everything when you do need to worry about a couple of things. (12:17) So I would probably have you read essentialism.(12:19) Essentialism will get you to focus on the right stuff. (12:22) And when you buy a book and read it, you now feel better about yourself because you're actually investing in yourself. (12:28) And then I would say, keep the promises you make to yourself and do courageous things.(12:32) And obviously I'd be more specific than that. (12:34) That's why podcasting is so challenging, but I would get you to start tracking courageous moments that scare you, which we used to call fear chasing. (12:44) Yeah.(12:44) It's literally what we did, right? (12:45) That's exactly what we did. (12:47) So here's the problem.(12:49) If you have level two self-worth, you can only take level two feedback, but you need level two feedback in order to get to level three self-worth.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:59) Well, that's why it's so specific. (13:02) That's why, honestly, this is where things get wonky. (13:07) I almost wish I had delusionally high self-worth in the beginning because I would have taken more chances.(13:13) Now, I think it's hard to come back from that. (13:16) But I always tell the story, I used to work with a guy who was not, he was a good looking dude, but he was a light drug addict, definitely a closet alcoholic, didn't have a lot going for him, wasn't in good shape, didn't take care of himself, doesn't have a very bright future most likely. (13:33) And he would just approach every woman.(13:36) And just by playing the odds, he always went home with someone. (13:40) Because he seemed super confident. (13:42) And he was just like, everybody here wants me.(13:44) And if she doesn't, the next one will. (13:45) It's like, okay. (13:47) There's a piece of me that almost wishes I was on that end because- What did you think about it back then?(13:54) I think there was a little piece of me that was jealous of it. (13:57) I do. (13:58) I think there was a little piece of me that was like, fuck.(14:01) If I had that, I wouldn't have these issues. (14:04) I'd have different issues. (14:05) What do you think now?(14:07) I still think there's a benefit to it.

Alan Lazaros

(14:10) But I'm not saying- When that dude finds out that he's not a high value man, he's going to be devastated. (14:17) You have to pay the piper eventually. (14:19) No matter what, you got to pay the piper.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:21) But why- That's a short term W for a long term L. (14:28) Either way in this though, I'm saying you got to do the work. (14:31) So I'm not saying- I'm saying the same thing would happen where you have a wake up morning where you're like, fuck, I can't do this anymore.(14:39) What am I doing? (14:40) Then you go to work. (14:41) In both scenarios, I'm saying you got to go to work.(14:43) Why do you think delusional self-worth is better? (14:46) Because you get results. (14:49) I'm not saying they're holistic.(14:51) I'm not saying they're sustainable. (14:52) I'm not saying any of that. (14:55) He got results short term.(14:57) But if he gets to the point where he has self-awareness, he might wake up one day and say, okay, this is empty. (15:03) I can't do this. (15:04) People with inflated self-worth that are delusional tend to not get self-awareness.(15:09) I know, but I'm saying regardless. (15:10) My example is they have to do the work no matter what. (15:13) What's the work?(15:15) It's different for each side, right? (15:16) For me, it's that. (15:18) For somebody who's over, you got to humble yourself and realize you're not the shit.(15:21) You got to realize there's a ton of work to do. (15:23) You got to realize you have insecurities. (15:26) You have imperfections.(15:27) You have all that.

Alan Lazaros

(15:29) When I sent you the excerpt and I said I wanted to do an episode on it, my intention for the episode was to hopefully have it serve as a wake up call to our listeners that you need someone. (15:44) Yeah, you can't avoid looking at your weaknesses and where you're inadequate. (15:51) I don't mean inadequate.(15:54) If you have a growth mindset, you presuppose you can improve things. (16:00) I don't mean, okay, I think this is why it gets so confusing. (16:04) I don't believe Kevin is currently smart enough to achieve his goals and dreams.(16:10) But I'm presupposing he can get smarter.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:14) But if you said that the first day I started this, I think that would have fucked me up. (16:19) But you needed to know that. (16:21) Not right away, I didn't.(16:23) Well, you would have found that out with the first book. (16:26) No, because the first book was Rich Dad, Poor Dad. (16:28) It's not that heavy of a book.

Alan Lazaros

(16:29) That book didn't get you to realize you didn't know shit about finances?

Kevin Palmieri

(16:34) Finances is different than myself. (16:37) Okay. (16:37) Okay.(16:37) That's the conversation we have to debate. (16:39) Yeah. (16:39) Yeah.(16:40) Yeah. (16:40) I think finances is different. (16:42) Essentialism is the same.(16:45) Yeah. (16:45) I think essentialism is a really good book because it highlights a lot. (16:54) But I think it's like, most people don't think about that.(16:57) So it's all new information. (17:00) You know? (17:02) Yeah.(17:03) You know what I mean? (17:04) What book would you absolutely not recommend to somebody new to self-improvement, personal development? (17:14) The Art of Thinking, clearly.(17:17) I would never recommend that to somebody early in the journey. (17:20) It is fucking too much. (17:22) Yeah.(17:23) That book fucked me up in a good way. (17:24) I was like, oh my God. (17:26) It was two things.(17:27) It was, oh my God, I don't know any of this. (17:29) And oh my God, I've been studying all of this for the last eight years. (17:32) This is the reason the world is the way it is because nobody knows any of these.(17:36) That was your reaction? (17:37) Yeah. (17:39) Yeah.(17:40) Yeah. (17:40) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(17:42) I would say Rationality by Steven Pinker. (17:51) But I did recommend that to someone at the beginning. (17:54) And Emilia afterwards said that was a terrible idea.(17:59) And I was like, what do you mean? (18:00) That's exactly what she needs. (18:02) This person, in my honest opinion, everything will, she will be amazing if she just gets more rational.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:11) That's the bottleneck. (18:12) You know how when somebody is out in the cold, you can't throw them in a hot shower because it'll kill them?

Alan Lazaros

(18:18) Yeah. (18:18) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:18) Yeah. (18:19) Yeah. (18:19) That, I think that's what, that's what I think.

Alan Lazaros

(18:22) So what would be a good book that makes you be more rational, but it's like a toe dip? (18:26) Because Rationality is the solution.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:28) That I'm certain about.

Alan Lazaros

(18:29) Mindsets by Carol Dweck.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:30) That's always the book I recommend. (18:31) Always. (18:32) That's a good one.(18:33) Always the book. (18:33) Yep. (18:34) It's a good start, I would say.(18:36) That's it. (18:37) It's interesting because when you're talking about coaching, and Alan and I have like really leaned into our, our uniqueness and what makes us, us, I'm not that way. (18:47) My thought process, and maybe it's different because my clients are doing like a specific thing.(18:54) I want to help them sustain what they're doing. (18:58) That's always my thought is.

Alan Lazaros

(19:00) What they're doing is inadequate.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:02) Not if they're getting the goals they want. (19:04) It's not. (19:05) What person do you know who's getting the goals they want?(19:08) I have a client that has been on the top chart since she started. (19:12) She's getting clients on demand. (19:13) She doesn't want any more.(19:15) Yeah. (19:16) I talked to her. (19:17) I was trying to get her to.(19:18) And I literally, when we log on, I say to her, I'm going to tell you the same shit I told you last time. (19:24) I think we keep doing what we're doing. (19:26) And then these are one or two small pivots.

Alan Lazaros

(19:28) For a short time and she decided not to.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:32) No. (19:33) No. (19:33) You had one call with this person.

Alan Lazaros

(19:34) Yeah. (19:34) That's what I mean. (19:35) Yes.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:35) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(19:36) Okay. (19:37) And afterwards she posted a bunch of stuff on her Instagram story saying I met with a high level business coach and I've decided I actually do want to just stick with what I'm doing. (19:48) Yeah.(19:48) Okay. (19:49) All right. (19:49) I would never do that.(19:51) And I know that that's me projecting. (19:52) I get it. (19:53) Why would you ever want to stay where you are?(19:56) Because where you are is beyond where you thought you get. (19:59) That is not a sufficient answer. (20:01) Let's debate this for a second.(20:04) Brother, the purpose of life is to become all you can with all you have. (20:09) Like, okay, we're done. (20:12) Let's just coast now.(20:13) Can you imagine? (20:14) No, but this is next level university.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:17) This isn't coast mode. (20:19) You, you hit me with, okay, fuck me up with the truth. (20:21) Tell me somebody in our group coaching program right now wouldn't get here and say, fuck yeah, that's exactly what I wanted.(20:27) Of course.

Alan Lazaros

(20:28) But the ironic thing is they won't get here unless they shoot beyond it. (20:32) I understand. (20:33) This is something that I want to, but you can shoot beyond it and then hit the brakes when you realize it's not aligned.(20:39) Fair that. (20:41) But if I drive from Massachusetts to California, I'm not going to be shocked. (20:43) I end up in Wyoming.(20:47) So my point is shoot for California. (20:51) And then when you're in Wyoming, go, this is great. (20:54) It's a beautiful view, but I'm not trying to live in Wyoming.(20:58) We're trying to get to Cali. (20:59) It's a metaphor. (20:59) You never get to your dreams.(21:02) It's a, it's a mountain that gets higher as you climb it. (21:04) That's the purpose of life. (21:06) Like, can you imagine you and me, we graduate from high school and we're like, we start our own company and we hit six figures and we're like, we're good now.(21:16) You want to know the truth? (21:18) If we don't try to grow it, it dies. (21:20) That's what, I think that's what people don't understand is like, if you don't try to grow it, it will die.(21:25) Of course I can imagine it though, because that's what most people do. (21:31) But if you're not trying to grow something, it will die. (21:35) There is no like coast.(21:37) Yeah. (21:38) There's no maintenance. (21:39) Maintenance.(21:39) Yeah. (21:39) There's no maintenance. (21:40) I mean, there is for short like days or weeks, but never long-term.(21:43) Like imagine if Apple was like, ah, we're good. (21:46) We're good. (21:46) The iPhone 17 is perfect.(21:48) We're done. (21:48) I agree. (21:49) Android would crush them.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:51) I agree. (21:51) I agree.

Alan Lazaros

(21:52) So how do we make that land for personal life? (21:56) It makes perfect sense with companies, doesn't it? (21:58) It's like, imagine if Apple was like, yeah, we're good.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:00) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(22:01) Netflix. (22:01) Ah, we're good. (22:02) We're going to coast now.(22:03) No more productions, no more changes. (22:05) We don't have to worry, track anything. (22:06) We're good.(22:07) Well, those are the companies that pinnacle, they go out of business. (22:09) Those are the companies that Disney plus would crush them. (22:11) Yeah.(22:11) They get left so fast.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:12) So the same is true in life, but I don't think we look at it the same because I, because the fucking life experience of a company is drastically different than the life experience of a person. (22:25) How? (22:26) Let's talk about that because it's not, it's the exact same principle.(22:29) It's the same principle, but a company is built on thousands of people where my life is built on me. (22:34) Now, obviously a bunch of people around me. (22:36) Yeah.(22:37) I'm the one who wants to show up every day and do all the things where Apple has somebody that does this and does this and does this and does this and does this and does this. (22:46) And a lot of people now, maybe not at Apple and certain companies, because they're very like, they're dedicated to the growth. (22:53) You were an investor at one point.(22:54) So I invested in Apple. (22:55) I was, I own five, I believe five stocks. (22:57) No, I think it was, I think it was a handful.(22:58) I don't remember. (23:00) Dude, some, some companies, people just go for a paycheck. (23:03) So they're not even abiding by this principle.

Alan Lazaros

(23:07) Do you agree that they would be better off shooting for more than a paycheck? (23:14) I do. (23:15) Okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:15) Yes. (23:16) Let's go there. (23:17) But I also, your thing is you want people to start there.(23:21) I know most people aren't going to start there. (23:24) Why not? (23:25) Because the bridge is too big.(23:28) Imagine me trying to teach nine year ago, Kev, what I know today. (23:33) I there's no way I have to build a bridge.

Alan Lazaros

(23:35) The bridge has to be that I agree with, but you, but you also could set the vision of what you could be. (23:42) And then start with step one. (23:44) Like it, it it's like, okay, A through Z is going to be amazing.(23:48) This is what's possible for you vision. (23:51) And then go to B and say, okay, here's a, this is where you are now. (23:54) Here's B read mindset by Carol Dweck.(23:57) And then C is, Hey, you should consider reading essentialism. (24:01) And then D is let's try, uh, the compound effect. (24:08) That could be early compound effect can be an early one for sure.(24:11) Nice. (24:11) Well, and then eventually when you get to why you get to rationality, but the problem with this metaphor is there is no Z there is no end.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:22) I know, I know, but the journey is different. (24:28) So some people may never get to rationality. (24:30) Most people will never get to rationality because that's not what their mentality.(24:35) You're absolutely right. (24:37) That's not what their journey requires.

Alan Lazaros

(24:42) That's not true. (24:43) No, no, no. (24:43) That's not true.(24:45) How do we have that rationale? (24:46) You're saying that book wouldn't benefit everyone. (24:48) No, I'm not saying that.(24:49) No, no, no, no, no. (24:52) They would read rationality if they knew that their dreams require it.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:58) I'm my, my perspective is there to their awareness, their dreams don't, that is inaccurate.

Alan Lazaros

(25:06) I'm not saying it's not, you cannot achieve your dreams without critical thinking. (25:14) Okay. (25:15) So, but how did people achieve their dreams before that book?(25:19) They had different forms of critical thinking. (25:21) So it's not the book. (25:23) It's not the book, but the book is a bridge.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:25) I know the book is product or service. (25:27) But all I'm, all I'm saying, all I'm saying is I think different people can take different bridges. (25:34) You and I have met some people that are like, they, they want it all.(25:37) They give me all the stuff. (25:39) Yeah. (25:39) Yeah, absolutely.(25:40) And many of them run away. (25:42) They're like, ah, fuck, that was too much stuff. (25:43) Some of them are like more, that's not enough.(25:45) Give me more, give me more.

Alan Lazaros

(25:46) Let's categorize three, three types of people. (25:48) One is give me all the stuff. (25:51) And then they run away.(25:52) Cause they're like, no, no, wait, I didn't know what I was really asking. (25:54) Yep. (25:55) The second one is give me all the stuff and I'm going to come back when I'm ready for more.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:04) Yeah. (26:04) I think they go lick their wounds and come back.

Alan Lazaros

(26:06) Yep. (26:06) Yep. (26:07) Okay.(26:08) Brandon, shout out to you, brother. (26:09) We joke about Brandon going away for like a random month.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:12) Brandon disappears every once in a while.

Alan Lazaros

(26:15) He's doing better at that now. (26:17) He used to be a month. (26:18) Now it's like a couple of days.(26:19) You don't hear from Brandon. (26:20) Shout out to you, brother. (26:21) The director of book club, by the way, uh, is Brandon.(26:24) And then the third person is someone who just wants it all and just, yeah, it's not give me more. (26:29) It's not enough.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:30) It's not enough.

Alan Lazaros

(26:30) It's not enough. (26:31) Oh, that's good. (26:32) That's good.(26:33) That's a good framework.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:33) I think that's, but I think it's up to email is the third one for sure. (26:38) Yes. (26:38) You're the third one.(26:40) I'm the second one. (26:41) I, I get fucked up and it's like, all right, I'll be back. (26:45) I'll be back when I'm ready.(26:48) I'll be back. (26:50) You'll eat a pizza. (26:51) I'll eat a pizza.(26:52) Yeah. (26:52) Yeah. (26:52) Yeah.(26:53) That's one of the reasons I didn't want to start the fricking, the 10 pound in 10 week challenge because I want, I, sometimes I need to run away. (26:59) I need to run away now. (27:00) It's very short.(27:01) It's an, it's an, it's a night. (27:03) It's used to be more long. (27:04) Yes.(27:05) Right. (27:05) Yeah. (27:06) Yeah.(27:06) And I try to run away from the, I try to run away from the responsibility. (27:09) That's really what I'm trying to run away from. (27:11) Like I need a break from the responsibility.(27:14) Let me have this edible and then eat three pizzas. (27:16) And then tomorrow I'm sure all these problems will have gone. (27:20) Yeah.(27:21) I'm sure they've gone away completely. (27:22) No, but that, that's my resource. (27:24) Do we call that resourcing?(27:25) Yeah. (27:25) Well, I need that sometimes. (27:26) Yeah.(27:26) That's why dieting sucks so bad because I have such a, when I can eat good food and I also understand that's a crutch. (27:33) This is why I think this is what makes it so hard. (27:38) If you're just getting into personal development and you read, um, the let them theory or whatever the fuck it is.(27:44) I don't even know the book by Mel Robbins. (27:46) Yeah. (27:47) That's going to convince you that there are certain fundamentals that you don't have yet that you need to be successful.(27:53) That might delude you into thinking you're different than you actually are based on your current journey. (27:59) And that's going to fuck up the next steps and the next steps and the next step.

Alan Lazaros

(28:01) So wait a minute, that was too much. (28:03) Um, and again, I, I want you to break that down and we've got three minutes. (28:08) Perfect.(28:09) Break that down. (28:11) Let them is a book by Mel Robbins. (28:13) That's very popular in the self-help space.(28:16) And it basically means like, let people villainize you, let them talk bad about you. (28:22) Don't worry so much about it. (28:23) Right.(28:24) And then by the end, it's let me, so I haven't either, but I know enough of it.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:28) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(28:29) And by the end, she does have a section that talks about let me, which means take back responsibility. (28:33) So the, so the beginning is like, let them don't worry about it. (28:37) Don't worry about anything outside your control.(28:39) And then by the end it's take back control of what's in your control. (28:43) And the reason I know this is there's someone who was kind of talking about this and I realized they didn't read the book because by the end of the book, it actually talks about the other part of it. (28:51) And I haven't read the book either, full disclosure, but I know enough about it because Emilia did.(28:55) Okay. (28:56) So not to mention, I've kind of studied Mel Robbins career, to be honest with you, but everyone in the self-help space and the self-improvement and personal growth and personal development, I've got a pretty good understanding of the whole industry. (29:09) Regardless of that, you, you said too much about let them and all that stuff.(29:13) What were you trying to say there?

Kevin Palmieri

(29:15) If you read a book, if you read a book that is meant to make you feel good, anytime you read a book that makes you feel bad, you'll think you're doing it wrong. (29:26) Well, that's not true. (29:27) This is exactly it.

Alan Lazaros

(29:29) That's the belief that I'm trying to shift. (29:31) I couldn't believe how many people in group coaching did not see inside out too. (29:35) That would be, that needs to be, I know top priorities.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:38) People don't watch fucking movies for the lessons. (29:41) They watch them because shit blows up and it's cool. (29:45) And the princess gets saved.(29:46) Nope.

Alan Lazaros

(29:47) I'm telling you. (29:48) Inside out too has an identity tree. (29:50) When you watch it, you will know what I'm talking about.(29:53) A hundred percent. (29:53) A hundred percent. (29:54) They consulted with some of the best.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:56) Yeah. (29:56) Yeah. (29:57) But all I'm saying is that's not why people are watching them.(29:58) You think people watching the movie, the Titanic so they can figure out who the hero, villain, victim, and guide is? (30:03) No, they're watching it because it's a fucking miracle, son. (30:07) That was- I'm watching it for that reason.(30:09) 1999? (30:10) You got to learn storytelling. (30:11) They still haven't beat that shit.(30:13) Greatest movie of all time. (30:14) They have beat that. (30:15) No, no.

Alan Lazaros

(30:16) I'm talking about- Avatar 1.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:17) I'm not, no, no. (30:17) I'm not talking about in box office. (30:19) I'm talking about in quality.(30:20) In quality. (30:21) Okay. (30:21) It is one of the best films ever created.

Alan Lazaros

(30:23) We agree on that for sure. (30:24) It's the only thing we've ever agreed on in film. (30:26) I am excited for you to see Sisu though.(30:28) Okay. (30:30) Wrap this up. (30:33) The belief system.(30:34) The belief system that you're supposed to feel good about yourself is not true. (30:41) You don't get a coach to feel better about yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:43) You get a coach to get better. (30:45) Well, you have to feel good about making progress. (30:48) Yeah, absolutely.(30:49) Of course. (30:49) That's the shift. (30:50) The shift is tie your self-esteem to progress, not to validation.

Alan Lazaros

(30:54) Yes. (30:54) Because what it takes to make progress is not validation. (30:58) You don't need more validation.(30:59) If you're unsuccessful, you don't need someone to say, don't worry. (31:02) You're already great. (31:03) Yes.(31:03) Don't worry. (31:04) What you're doing is enough. (31:05) No, it isn't.(31:06) You have to shift something. (31:07) You have to change something. (31:10) I am as successful at a certain level that I can be without improving something.(31:18) Maybe it's my marketing. (31:20) Maybe it's my branding. (31:20) Maybe it's my storytelling.(31:21) Maybe it's podcasting. (31:23) Maybe it's coaching. (31:23) Maybe it's training.(31:24) Maybe it's business tracking metrics habits. (31:26) I have to change something in order to get to the next level. (31:31) I have to give something up.(31:32) I have to get better at something every time. (31:34) So if I read a book that says you're already great, just keep doing what you're doing. (31:38) That's not going to help me achieve external results in real life, but it will make me feel better about myself temporarily until the next time I need a bath.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:47) Yes. (31:48) Okay. (31:48) So thought process, we'll wrap it up with a boat.(31:50) Why do we all need to work on self-worth? (31:51) Because self-worth is going to dictate how much feedback you can actually take. (31:55) And if you have an accurate understanding and accurate humility and you've taken feedback (31:59) and you know you can take the feedback, go do work on it and then come back stronger, (32:02) you're going to be willing to, able to, and be able to leverage the feedback, (32:08) which a lot of us, that's the thing is there's a lot of really good opportunities for feedback (32:13) out there, but feedback is only as good as your ability to take it and then do something (32:18) constructive with it. (32:18) And my thought is it just, you just have to have the right bridge.(32:22) Can you improve without feedback? (32:23) No, but you, but you also, it's very hard to improve with too much feedback. (32:28) Fair.(32:28) Oh, you know who the worst personal trainer ever of all time would be? (32:32) Probably Arnold Schwarzenegger, even though he was one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time, because he's too fucking far. (32:37) You're too good, man.(32:38) You know too much. (32:39) Give me the simple shit. (32:42) Yeah.(32:43) So that, that's what I'm saying is it's the bridge. (32:46) You don't need, oh, you want to get in shape? (32:48) You don't need to learn from Arnold Schwarzenegger.(32:50) You don't need, you don't need him to personal train you. (32:52) That would probably be terrible.

Alan Lazaros

(32:53) He purposely walk around with his calves out because he didn't like his calves and he wanted the feedback to force him to get bigger calves. (33:00) He's a different specimen. (33:02) I would say he was extremely confident.(33:05) Yeah, I would say so. (33:06) Tons of self-belief on that, man. (33:07) Definitely.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:08) I would say so.

Alan Lazaros

(33:09) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:09) I would say so. (33:10) So I wonder if he knows that. (33:11) I don't think any, I don't think anybody that has super high self-belief knows it because they wouldn't say dumb shit like, well, just believe in yourself more.(33:19) It's like, that's the dumbest shit I've heard in my life. (33:22) That's like somebody who's drowning when you just say like, just swim better. (33:25) Oh, yeah, fuck.(33:26) Never thought of that. (33:27) Never thought of that. (33:27) Didn't know that was, no, it's, I, it's not currently in my skill set.

Alan Lazaros

(33:31) If there was a personal development comedian pair.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:34) Maybe, yes.

Alan Lazaros

(33:35) Yeah, I think we would crush it. (33:36) I do.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:36) Well, if this doesn't work out. (33:38) We have a career. (33:39) Yeah, we'll have all the equipment.(33:40) We already got all the equipment, so just rebrand and cool. (33:43) Personal development comedy would be fun. (33:45) It would be great.(33:46) Yeah, I mean, it's very, there's already a small enough segment of people who actually care about personal development. (33:50) Nevermind people who also want to grow. (33:53) Think could grow.(33:54) That's a funny joke. (33:55) Hey, just swim better. (33:57) Oh, thank you so much.(33:57) I didn't think of that. (33:58) I guess. (33:59) Yeah, that's funny.(34:00) I only have a couple of those, so I just use them too much. (34:02) All right, next level fitness accountability group. (34:04) We are doing our 10 pound in 10 week challenge.(34:06) If you are listening to this, I'm pretty sure it starts in a few days. (34:09) Reach out to us. (34:11) We will search Alan Lazarus on Instagram.(34:13) Search Kevin Palmer on Instagram. (34:14) We'll come up. (34:14) We'll have our bios in the show notes as well.(34:18) But yeah, 10 pounds in 10 weeks. (34:19) That's what I'm doing. (34:20) That's what Alan's doing.(34:21) You can do your own version of that. (34:22) Whatever it is, you're just accountable to the group and accountable to yourself.

Alan Lazaros

(34:27) February 1st is the start date. (34:29) That's when weigh-ins are due. (34:30) And then we have a goal weight.(34:32) You can do two pounds, five pounds, 10 pounds, whatever you want. (34:35) But we have February 1st is the start date. (34:37) April 11th is the end date.(34:39) Whatever your goal weight is, we have to weigh in by April 11th. (34:44) So get in shape for spring. (34:46) Yeah.(34:46) Yeah, let's do it.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:47) Let's get cut up. (34:47) Let's get cut up, as Alan says.

Alan Lazaros

(34:49) You know it.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:49) Let's get all shredded up, baby. (34:50) Let's get ripped up, as Alan says. (34:52) All right, cool.(34:53) As always, we love you. (34:53) We appreciate you. (34:54) Grateful for each and every one of you.(34:56) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (35:02) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(35:05) Explanation.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:06) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (35:10) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(35:13) We mean it when we say family. (35:15) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (35:18) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:22) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.