What If Your Wiring Is Holding You Back? (2341)

Hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack why so many people lose momentum after reaching a goal and how that quiet pattern limits long-term success. After years of building businesses, coaching clients, and studying high-performance behavior, they have seen the same cycle repeat as people push hard to win, comfort sets in, discipline fades, and standards slip.

They explain why lasting growth comes from identity, not outcomes. You’ll learn how motivation really works, why external rewards rarely sustain progress, and how aligned habits create stability in business, health, and relationships. This is a practical conversation about building self-driven discipline and durable systems that hold up even when motivation runs low.

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Digital Asset:
The 5 M's of Next Level Motivation - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SNYQ2RuPg6fgqGA5Og9a7xFmX2lR3y7x/view

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Learn more about:
Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

Track the Work. Earn the Results. To know more about the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group," reach out.

• Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
• Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:14) Rewiring motivation for long-term growth
(5:24) The Five Ms of motivation framework
(8:05) Mission, mastery, and meaningful work
(11:19) Career building Vs. Chasing relief
(14:02) Discipline, reliability, and capacity building
(17:05) Self-motivation, accountability, and accumulation
(19:44) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Another paradox of success. (0:03) The thing you want can't really be the thing that motivates you, because if you do get that thing, your motivation goes away. (0:09) We promised we were going to talk about this in yesterday's episode, so we're going to talk about it.

Alan Lazaros

(0:14) The point of the goal is not to get the goal, but for the person it will make of you to achieve it.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:20) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:22) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:24) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:27) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:34) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:40) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:56) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:03) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:08) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,341. (1:12) What if your wiring is holding you back? (1:15) I had a really good buddy back in the day, and this buddy of mine was stuck in this cycle.(1:19) He was stuck in this paradox that we're talking about. (1:22) He would meet a girl, he would start to like that girl, and he would get all of his shit together. (1:30) I mean, he was crushing it.(1:32) He was doing all the stuff, taking care of himself, just changing his life. (1:36) Something would happen, that girl would date somebody or leave or whatever, and the whole thing would crumble. (1:42) That's part one of the paradox.(1:44) Part two of the paradox is this. (1:46) How many times have you met someone who, the second they meet their dream person, they go all in on that dream person, and they start neglecting their goals and neglecting their habits and neglecting their consistency, and that person falls out of love with them, and that whole thing gets Jeff too. (2:03) If the reason you're trying to be successful is for a successful relationship, and then you forget about what brought you the successful relationship in the first place, that is what we talked about in yesterday's episode.(2:14) My thought process for today is how do you rewire it? (2:17) How would that person go from, I'm going to get my shit together so I can get this person, to I'm going to get my shit together so I can get any person? (2:25) I think those are two very different lives.(2:27) Real quick. (2:28) Yes, please.

Alan Lazaros

(2:32) Hypothetical Universe. (2:34) I love the name, Hypothetical Universe. (2:37) Yep.(2:37) It's the name of my next podcast.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:39) Okay. (2:39) I'm joking.

Alan Lazaros

(2:41) Hypothetical Universe, you are 36 years old. (2:45) However, you're still Kevin Palmieri, but we go back in time and you're not allowed to set any goals. (2:55) No goals allowed.(2:57) I'm talking even little ones. (2:59) No fitness show, no fitness coach, no me, no podcast, no goals and dreams, no aspirations. (3:08) How much of this, Kev, would go away?

Kevin Palmieri

(3:13) I don't even, I can't even imagine how I would, I could go like so far back. (3:21) Nothing would happen. (3:22) Nothing would have happened really.(3:25) Nothing. (3:25) I got a job at 16 so I could have money to buy a car. (3:29) And then everything before that, I.(3:32) A little baseball. (3:35) I got significance by being good at baseball. (3:39) So I'm sure my goal was to feel good about me.(3:41) If I do good, I'll feel good. (3:43) Rinse and repeat that cycle forever. (3:45) So even that, that would have gone away for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(3:48) So by that rationale, and I want everyone listening or viewing this to think of this too. (3:54) Excuse my throat. (3:58) This episode's about what motivates you.(4:02) My thesis, my, what I believe is true is that the majority of who we become is predicated on our goals. (4:15) Okay. (4:16) Okay.(4:19) So when you get the goal, you immediately have to set another one in order to keep evolving as a human being.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:27) Well, yeah, but hit me with this. (4:29) You've worked with a lot of people. (4:31) You've coached a lot of people.(4:32) I'm guessing many of them had motivators that were detrimental to their actual long-term goal acquisition. (4:39) Definitely. (4:40) What I don't know how to rewire this because what I did was I just went without everything I loved essentially for a handful of years.(4:49) And then I just kind of became numb to it. (4:51) It was like, well, I mean, when you go that far down and you can't afford Christmas presents for your potential or your future wife, like you're not really worried about what car you're driving. (5:03) You're not really worried about nice things or trips or whatever.(5:06) Right. (5:06) So I think it got rewired by just brute force and trauma. (5:10) Honestly, I don't, how, how does somebody rewire what motivates them?

Alan Lazaros

(5:17) Yeah. (5:18) Okay. (5:21) Let's think about this.(5:24) What motivates human beings? (5:26) We have the five Ms of motivation, materials, money, movement, mating mission materials is cars, homes, nice clothing, whatever stuff. (5:41) Movement is financial freedom.(5:43) Do what you want when you want as much as you want with whoever you want. (5:48) Mating is your intimate partner, which you mentioned at the beginning, someone anonymously who had that one as their mean one. (5:58) So then when they, when that person went away and like dated someone else, they no longer were motivated because that, that was gone.(6:07) And then you have, what was the other one? (6:09) I didn't a mastery. (6:10) I forgot about mastery.(6:12) You rattled through them so fast that I got nervous. (6:15) Yeah. (6:17) Mastery.(6:17) I don't. (6:17) Okay. (6:18) So mating movement materials, mastery mission.(6:24) Yes. (6:25) We have a digital asset. (6:26) I will put in the show notes production team.(6:28) I'll send it to you and please put it in the show notes. (6:29) Okay. (6:30) So mastery is wanting to get good at things, wanting to get better at what you do.(6:39) And then mission is being the change you wish to see in the world. (6:43) Something that you are so frustrated with or so upset with some injustice in the world that you want to change. (6:48) All right.(6:48) Awesome. (6:50) If those are your five motivators, your question was, how do you rewire them? (6:55) I think you uncover them, leverage them.(7:00) And then I think you evolve. (7:02) So yours in the beginning when we first met, and it's my job as a coach to motivate everybody, keep them motivated. (7:08) I don't like the word motivation, drive driven on point dialed in motivated.(7:14) Okay. (7:14) Ignited, ignited. (7:15) That's a good one.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:16) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(7:17) Yours was materials in the beginning and money, money slash materials for sure. (7:23) That can only burn for so long. (7:25) Once you get, so you started to, you got your dream car, the BMW.(7:30) Now you got the home. (7:32) You have to evolve now. (7:35) Otherwise you lose all those things.(7:37) That's like the weird thing.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:39) Well, the other thing too, is I think it's easy to look back now, but dude, I was very mission driven. (7:46) And when we started this, after we started this, it was like, I was, I was all in on this. (7:52) This was the best thing ever of all time.(7:53) I was like, let's, I'm, I will do whatever it takes within alignment, obviously. (7:57) And I'm not gonna do any shady shit, but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that this is as successful as it can be, because this is like a dream come true for me. (8:05) So that's another piece of it too, is I think when you do find purpose for lack of better phrasing, it allows you to put a lot of the other stuff on the back seat that you never thought you could, because you start to understand that it doesn't, not, not that it doesn't matter, but it will be better eventually, you know?

Alan Lazaros

(8:26) Yeah. (8:26) It will be better eventually. (8:29) Well, there's something to this too.(8:32) What's something that you don't like at all?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:35) It's just like in general.

Alan Lazaros

(8:36) Yeah. (8:36) Okay. (8:37) Cooking.(8:37) You like cooking? (8:38) Eh, sometimes. (8:39) You kind of do.(8:40) I would say oysters. (8:40) I don't like it at all.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:41) Oysters can fuck right off. (8:45) Cooking oysters or eating them? (8:47) Even looking at them, they're slimy.(8:49) I don't get it. (8:49) I don't get it. (8:50) People fire those things down raw.(8:52) Shout out to you. (8:52) You are some type of individual. (8:54) I don't, no, nope.

Alan Lazaros

(8:57) Oysters. (8:57) Got it. (8:58) Yep.(8:58) That's not gonna work. (8:59) Okay. (9:00) Because I'm talking about a craft.(9:01) So thank you for your insights. (9:03) Painting? (9:04) Painting.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:04) We, we, I painted my office. (9:06) It's fucking terrible. (9:07) It's the worst.

Alan Lazaros

(9:08) Perfect. (9:08) Perfect.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:09) Yep.

Alan Lazaros

(9:09) If you started a painting company, you would blow. (9:12) That'd be terrible.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:13) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(9:14) You might be good at running a business, but that's not painting. (9:17) You might have a team that paint. (9:20) I hate cooking.(9:21) You hate painting. (9:22) Great. (9:25) I'm not, maybe you have to paint.(9:26) You had to paint. (9:27) Great. (9:28) I might have to cook.(9:29) Of course. (9:30) That doesn't mean you build your career on it. (9:33) So the point I'm making with this is you had mastery because you like podcasting.(9:39) You're fulfilled by podcasting and then you have impact, which is mission. (9:43) So you're getting mastery and impact from podcasting because it's meaningful work for you. (9:49) Whereas if it was painting, you would never have gone through what you went through.(9:54) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:54) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(9:54) So if you, in order to be a painter, you'd have to be paid a lot to be able to get your favorite cars or your, whatever it is. (10:00) Like you can't go without the other motivators. (10:03) If what you're, what you hate, what you're doing.(10:05) Whereas if you actually do get fulfillment from the work you do, you can go without for a lot longer, which I think is why mission should be first because long-term it's called match fit in the art of impossible by Steven Kotler. (10:20) He talks about how prodigies burn out early because they're like forced to play the piano, like effing play, you know, when they're like six and then they, they crush it. (10:28) And they're these savants, but then they are like, F this I'm out.(10:32) Whereas people who explore a lot, tennis, piano, basketball, snowboarding, in their teens and twenties, they find their thing. (10:42) And when they do, they usually stick. (10:45) And that's what I think you and I did.(10:46) I always say, I'm a coach who tolerates podcasting. (10:48) Kevin's a podcaster who tolerates coaching. (10:50) We both do both, but I want to be a coach forever.(10:53) I want to do that as much as humanly possible. (10:55) You want to podcast forever and do that as much as humanly possible. (10:58) So my point is for anyone out there watching or listening, what are your motivators?(11:04) What's the order? (11:05) They're in the show notes, by the way, download it. (11:07) There's a description for each.(11:08) And then, so what's the syntax of them? (11:11) And then most importantly, I hope if you do have a side hustle or a dream, you build it on the thing that's meaningful.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:19) Maybe that's the takeaway for me is when you find the thing that you love, you know, that's going to stick forever. (11:27) And then everything else is just a very positive by-product of that. (11:30) Because I know what it was like back in the day, thinking about the next job, like, what's the next job?(11:35) This is fucking, I hate this job. (11:36) I can't do this. (11:36) What's the next one?(11:37) Because that'll be the one. (11:39) It never was the one for me. (11:40) So I enjoyed some of my jobs, but honestly, not really, not really.(11:43) I don't think I enjoyed almost anything. (11:45) Go ahead. (11:45) Well, let's talk about this.

Alan Lazaros

(11:46) So I had that same thing in corporate.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:48) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(11:49) And I remember I worked for iRobot and then a company called Oz Development. (11:55) I was a product engineer. (11:57) And then it was Synsata Technologies.(12:00) Then it was Cognex. (12:02) There was a couple others in between there. (12:05) But the difference between you and me was I was thinking about the next job, but I was building a career.(12:12) Like I was making sure that each job was going to pad my resume for the next job. (12:19) And even if it was at the same company, I knew that I would climb the corporate ladder metaphorically and literally. (12:26) Whereas with you, it was like, what's the next job?(12:29) So I think part of it was you being short sighted. (12:32) And the other part of it was you didn't like what you were doing. (12:34) But when I didn't like what I was doing, I would at least try to make it matter for my future.(12:39) For me, if the past sucks and the present sucks, as long as I have the future that's bright, I'm like, okay. (12:46) But if the future looks dark, I got nothing. (12:48) Past was bad, present's bad, future's bad, I'm in trouble.(12:52) And that's a dark place to be.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:54) That's how I feel. (12:54) But I think that's the fulfillment piece. (12:57) I think that is something.(12:58) You have to find something that brings meaning and purpose and fulfillment that you know you can do for a long time while you level off everything else.

Alan Lazaros

(13:08) Or like, you know what I mean? (13:10) Don't you think in hindsight, you probably could have made the most out of some of those jobs? (13:15) Because a lot of people have this mindset of, well, I'll work hard when I like my job.(13:20) If you don't work hard now, you're not going to get your dream job.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:23) Nobody's going to hire you like a slacker. (13:26) I think I made the most of my jobs. (13:30) But what about people in general?

Alan Lazaros

(13:32) If you have an attitude of, I told you, I don't care if I'm a manager at McDonald's, I'm going to be the best McDonald's manager there is. (13:40) I have that desire to do the best I do. (13:43) And I will make the most of that opportunity no matter how much I don't like it.(13:51) When I was a car kid and a bus boy, I did that same thing. (13:53) And I think that that matters too. (13:55) Even though it's not fulfilling, you still have to take it seriously, I think.(13:58) Otherwise, you'll never get the dream job. (14:00) I think that's kind of a paradox as well.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:02) Well, if you can't maintain level one, you're not going to maintain level eight. (14:08) Right. (14:09) I think I probably took advantage of the jobs, for lack of better phrasing, to a pretty high extent.(14:19) I mean, I was usually one of the better people that worked wherever I worked, mostly because I was super reliable. (14:25) I very rarely called out. (14:28) Always on time.(14:29) Always on time. (14:30) Always early. (14:32) Always have been, man.(14:33) Right. (14:33) So I think I learned a lot and I tried to take as much as I could. (14:37) And I'm telling you, to this day, the job that I had that required so much travel, that's one of the reasons I can work as much as I can, for sure.(14:44) I was saying that to somebody the other day, because he was talking about how he works long days. (14:48) And I was like, dude, I feel you, man. (14:49) When I used to do this job, I would drive an hour from New Hampshire to Massachusetts, just outside of Boston.(14:57) Then we would drive seven hours to New Jersey. (14:59) We would literally change our clothes in the school bathroom, and then I'd work an eight-hour day. (15:04) And that was just casual Monday.(15:06) That was just Monday. (15:07) And then Friday was the opposite. (15:09) Same thing.

Alan Lazaros

(15:11) Okay. (15:11) This is something that we'll touch on maybe in a different episode, but I want to talk about it here too. (15:18) I think all of us, including me, underestimate how much human beings can adapt over time.(15:28) You can adapt to a lot. (15:33) And I think my point to this is, all that travel, those travel years, they equipped you for when we were traveling all over the country, podcasting, all that stuff. (15:45) Rebuttal with me a little here on this.(15:48) You would say, well, this isn't for everybody. (15:51) My thing is, not yet. (15:54) Okay.(15:55) Those hard times, those hard times that you had traveling, set you up for future success.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:01) Yeah. (16:02) But what did it take to get me to be set up for the traveling? (16:07) Dude, I remember when I was working at the gas station, again, I know it's not a fucking glorious job, quote unquote.(16:16) All my friends in college, they would sleep until nine or 10 going to two classes a day. (16:20) I was up at five o'clock every day to go to work. (16:23) I never missed, ever.(16:26) I didn't sleep in. (16:27) I never slept through my alarm. (16:28) I was never late.(16:30) That built discipline. (16:34) And then I think it built ownership. (16:36) I was in charge of large sums of money.(16:38) You read it on my resume. (16:40) Large sums of cash money, son. (16:43) There's responsibility there.(16:45) That place got robbed a few times. (16:47) Never when I was there, luckily, but they got robbed a few times. (16:50) No, it's not nice.(16:51) It's bad.

Alan Lazaros

(16:51) It's bad to rob places. (16:52) That you're responsible for large sums of money.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:55) It's very nice.

Alan Lazaros

(16:56) Well, the guy, the owner was an asshole. (16:59) Karma. (16:59) Okay.(17:00) Last piece, because we got to get out of here. (17:01) I got to get on a coaching session. (17:03) Back to motivators.(17:05) Figure out what your five are. (17:07) Link in the show notes again. (17:08) Figure out the syntax of them.(17:10) Figure out which ones you're not using. (17:14) Like maybe you, because when you get your dream partner, are you suddenly not motivated? (17:17) That's what I'm saying.(17:18) I've noticed that with certain clients. (17:20) All of a sudden they get the thing and it's like, they step off the gas. (17:24) And it's like, yo, no, we spent three years working toward this.(17:30) How fucking dare you? (17:32) This is going to go. (17:33) If you step off the gas, you need to dial up, not down.(17:37) We're not done. (17:38) Listen, if you're 70 years old, you can dial down a bit. (17:42) If you want to be successful and you're in your twenties or thirties, what are we doing here?(17:46) It's not retirement time. (17:48) Okay. (17:48) Even retirement is made up thing back in the day that didn't exist.(17:51) Okay. (17:52) So in history books enough. (17:53) So here's my point.(17:55) Figure out what motivates you. (17:57) Figure out which ones you have and which ones you don't. (17:59) Figure out which one's the really important one.(18:01) And if you can't motivate yourself, you are screwed. (18:07) Nobody's coming to save you. (18:08) I can help, but I can't be there.(18:12) Okay. (18:12) Time to get up. (18:13) It's not, it's not the Marine Corps.(18:14) Hey, okay. (18:15) Banging on stuff. (18:16) We did my fraternity back in college and they would literally like bang on pots and pans to wake us up during hell week.(18:22) And I hated it. (18:23) I was terrible. (18:25) Um, that I didn't do well in that sort of environment.(18:27) But the point I'm making is you're in trouble if you can't self motivate, I would concur.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:33) Okay. (18:33) So tomorrow Alan's thought was we do an episode on accumulation. (18:37) Is that correct?(18:39) What is the thought process around that quickly?

Alan Lazaros

(18:41) Everything we, every good habit, every constructive habit and every destructive habit, habit accumulates. (18:51) Everything you do and don't do accumulates.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:54) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(18:55) Done. (18:55) That's all we need. (18:56) That's all we need.(18:56) Real quick. (18:57) Last piece. (18:58) Yep.(18:58) You and I talked on the last episode about if you and I weren't allowed to clean our house for a full year, what would happen now that the metaphor is your life, your health, your wealth and your love, everything accumulates. (19:11) You cannot neglect for long.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:13) Okay, cool. (19:14) All right. (19:14) If you're looking for a coach, Alan is the guy.(19:16) If you're looking to accumulate success for tomorrow's episode, reach out to Alan. (19:19) Alan can coach you better than anybody on the planet. (19:21) I put my money where my mouth is on that, except I've never had to pay for it because my business partner, but I paid for it.(19:25) Blood, sweat and tears, you know the deal. (19:27) And then a next level fitness accountability group. (19:29) If you're looking to be more fit, if you're looking to be more accountable, if you're looking to move your body, whatever it is, no judgment, do your thing.(19:36) I'm a bodybuilder. (19:37) Alan's a bodybuilder, but we've got people in there doing yoga and all sorts of different stuff. (19:40) So if looking for a group of amazing people, reach out to Alan and or myself.(19:44) As always, we love you. (19:45) We appreciate you. (19:45) Grateful for each and every one of you.(19:47) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (19:53) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(19:56) Next combination.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:57) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (20:01) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(20:04) We mean it when we say family. (20:06) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (20:09) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(20:13) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.