Why Growth Is Actually Lonely (2351)

What if the loneliness you feel is actually proof that you are growing?

In this episode, Kevin and Alan unpack a reality most people are not prepared for. As your goals get bigger and your standards rise, fewer people will understand your choices. Drawing from years of business building, client coaching, and their own personal growth journeys, they explain why ambition often creates separation and what it really takes to protect your vision when others question your path.

If you have ever felt misunderstood, pressured to slow down, or tempted to shrink your goals to make others comfortable, this conversation will challenge how you see the cost of leveling up. Do not trade long-term alignment for short-term approval.

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Learn more about:
Track the Work. Earn the Results. To know more about the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group," reach out.

• Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
• Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
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LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:16) Fulfillment Vs. Outside perception
(7:24) Dream chasers live in the minority
(13:21) Standing up for your chosen path
(16:08) Protecting your goals and vision
(19:19) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) One of the things that I have gotten used to saying, and I've made it a habit of saying, when somebody is trying to save me from the pain and responsibility I have decided to take on, is, hey, I don't need you to save me. (0:12) Please do not try to take my pain away. (0:16) Growth is lonely.(0:18) I think that that's one of the reasons most people do not achieve their goals and dreams. (0:24) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:26) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.(0:28) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:31) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. (0:38) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.(0:44) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success. (1:00) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:07) Welcome to Next Level University.(1:12) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,351, Why Growth is Actually Lonely. (1:18) You hear people talk about this all the time. (1:20) You hear people talk about it's lonely at the top and all that stuff.(1:24) And I think this is one of the biggest reasons why. (1:27) So what day was this? (1:30) Saturday afternoon, Taryn and I went to see her family.(1:34) We had lunch. (1:36) And I was walking with Taryn's mom. (1:38) And she said, how's business?(1:39) She always asks, how's business? (1:40) How's business? (1:41) And I said, it's great.(1:42) It's crushing, cranking. (1:43) I said, I worked, I don't know, whatever I said, 18 hour day yesterday or something. (1:49) And she didn't say it this time, but oftentimes she does.(1:52) And so many people that I talk to say this, you're going to have to work less. (1:56) You're going to take time off. (1:57) You're going to take time off.(1:58) My mom says that. (1:59) You're going to burn out. (2:00) You're going to take time off.(2:02) And I appreciate it. (2:04) And please do not try to save me from this, because number one, this is kind of what I expected, now more than ever. (2:12) And number two, I think that's where the loneliness comes from.(2:16) I am fulfilled by this. (2:19) After I worked that long day, I did an Instagram story where I was walking around the house and it was like, I don't, I would rather do this for 18 hours than go work for somebody else for eight. (2:29) I wouldn't trade this.(2:30) I'm not, this is not me complaining. (2:32) This is just me documenting my experience as a human being. (2:35) And maybe some people find it interesting.(2:36) I don't know. (2:37) But I think one of the reasons it feels lonely is because almost everybody is trying to save you from the thing that you created. (2:44) And as the thing that you created actually gets better, people try to save you more because it seems worse because it went from eight hour days to 12 hour days to 14 hour days.(2:56) So now it's at 18 hours. (2:57) It's like, Kev, what the fuck are we doing here? (2:59) Like, that's too much.(3:00) It's like, yeah, it would be too much if I was doing that every day. (3:02) I was working 18 hours every day, getting six hours of sleep and exercising. (3:07) Everything would burn to the ground.(3:09) My relationship would burn to the ground. (3:10) Everything would burn to the ground. (3:11) That's Alan's dream life probably, but that's a different conversation.(3:14) But I was just, I want to share this quick. (3:17) And in the past, I wouldn't have done this, but I got to because this is next level university, baby. (3:23) You've been working with me for nine years.(3:24) Have I ever once had you tell me you worked an 18 hour day and me go, brother, brother. (3:29) No, no, no, never. (3:30) No.(3:31) What? (3:32) But I understand. (3:33) What?(3:33) I understand it. (3:35) I understand. (3:36) I hold, I hold the duality.(3:38) Here's the deal folks. (3:39) I understand. (3:40) I care about Kevin's potential and his goals.(3:43) I'm not going to save you from hard work. (3:45) What are we doing here? (3:47) Yeah, but it's not, you're not, you're a grown man.(3:50) You don't need me to say, Hey brother, you're going to burn out. (3:52) Like, Oh, well yeah. (3:54) But you also know, imagine if you came to me like, Alan, you've been working out a lot, man.(4:00) Shut up. (4:00) But you know how much I'm a grown ass man. (4:03) You know how much I know based on the journey.(4:08) You know what I mean? (4:10) I know a lot of that is because I've gotten that my whole goddamn life. (4:12) And you know, what's fucking crazy.(4:16) It's like, I'm more fulfilled than you, but nobody knows that. (4:20) Why? (4:20) What do you mean, man?(4:22) Nobody knows. (4:23) It's not hard. (4:24) Are you more fulfilled than Taryn's mom in your opinion?(4:27) Yes. (4:28) Okay. (4:28) Then why is she giving you life advice?(4:30) Because she's nervous. (4:32) I know. (4:32) And I care.(4:33) She cares about you. (4:34) I get it. (4:34) Here's the thing squad, everybody out there.(4:36) Cause this is the thing about dream chasing. (4:38) I just got to jump in. (4:41) Don't take advice from people who are less successful and less fulfilled than you.(4:46) It's listen, like I get this all the time. (4:48) It's like, I'm more fulfilled than you are. (4:50) My life is better.(4:51) Like I love my life. (4:52) Stop trying to save me from my own awesome life. (4:56) And by the way, if you were going to be concerned, it should have been before when I was fucking miserable.(5:01) Well, but I think the problem is most people look and they wouldn't trade. (5:05) Is there a thought because they value something different? (5:07) There's so much arrogance in that.(5:09) It's like, there's so much arrogance in that. (5:12) I understand it. (5:13) I'll always, I don't think I'll never not understand it.(5:15) I understand it. (5:16) It makes total sense. (5:16) Have you ever done that to someone?(5:20) I don't think so. (5:21) Maybe, maybe unintentionally. (5:23) Someone in Emilia's life recently is like, Hey, you know, I'm just really concerned for you.(5:27) I'm like, sweetheart, tell her you're fine. (5:31) You're the happiest person I've ever met in my entire life. (5:35) You it's Emilia is like on fire.(5:39) She's exercised for four years straight. (5:41) Almost March 1st. (5:43) She's pays her bills.(5:45) She has a exponentially growing company. (5:47) She's being the change she wishes to see in the world. (5:50) She is so fulfilled.(5:51) It's not even funny. (5:52) She loves her life. (5:54) But from the outside, would you know that person though is miserable too?(5:58) I know. (5:58) But from the outside, would you know that? (6:00) Yes, of course.(6:01) Well, you're the happiest person ever. (6:03) Like you can tell when someone's thriving or at least I have, I have times. (6:08) So, uh, Bianca and Emilia evolve ventures or clients of ours.(6:12) I have times where Emilia logs on and she's like five minutes late. (6:15) She's like, I just need a minute. (6:16) Just give me a minute.(6:16) I just got off a heavy coaching call. (6:17) And I have a second of like, I feel bad now. (6:21) I know you signed up for this, but it's like, I have a moment of empathy of like, fuck.(6:26) Okay. (6:27) You take your time. (6:28) You do what you gotta do.(6:30) I'll hold space. (6:31) Well, yeah, but you're not, you're not arrogant enough to think she needs your help. (6:36) You know, I don't think, I don't think it's unnecessarily people are trying to help.(6:40) I think it's more, I think they're just worried. (6:43) And I told Emilia, I'm sorry to interrupt you. (6:45) I told Emilia, you should tell her I'm worried about you.(6:48) You can't pay your bills. (6:50) You hate your job. (6:51) You're dating someone who you is like horrible to you.(6:55) That's the thing that bothers me. (6:57) The people who are giving advice are the least inclined to like, they're the least fulfilled people. (7:03) It's, it blows my mind.(7:04) My whole life. (7:05) I remember thinking like, why are you, you're worried about me? (7:10) Like I'm concerned for you.(7:11) Because it's in the realm, it's in the, the flow of whatever, what most other people are dealing with. (7:18) Yeah. (7:19) I think unfortunately the dream chasers you get ganged up on because you're in the minority.(7:24) You get ganged up on. (7:25) It's brutal. (7:26) Like if you have a growth mindset, you're in the minority.(7:29) You get ganged up on. (7:31) It's, and it's like, you got to get good at defending it. (7:36) You gotta, and it's like, you shouldn't have to defend yourself, but you do, you do.(7:41) I know. (7:42) I think you just got to get good at it. (7:44) I know.(7:45) I appreciate and respect people who like, you got to respect the hustle. (7:53) In my honest opinion, these people we're referring to should be, should be like, wow, that's really impressive. (8:03) That's what they should say.(8:04) That's my truth. (8:06) Yeah. (8:06) But I understand people that think like, oh, maybe you're a workaholic or whatever it is.(8:10) Like I can understand that, but you're not. (8:12) How did they know that? (8:15) How does my mom know that?(8:16) Because you're chasing your dreams. (8:17) Yeah. (8:17) But how does my mom know that?(8:19) Also mom, I don't know if you're listening to this. (8:20) My mom got us Omaha steaks for housewarming gifts. (8:24) My goodness.(8:25) My goodness. (8:25) I've never had Omaha steaks before. (8:28) But how was my...(8:29) You really think they think you're miserable? (8:30) And when you're saying it, you're not saying it like you're miserable. (8:32) You were saying it like a good thing.(8:34) Yeah. (8:34) Yeah. (8:34) I was saying things are going really well.(8:36) Yeah. (8:37) Yeah. (8:37) Things are going really well.(8:39) We have a, we got a bunch of new, really big clients that I really enjoy working with. (8:43) But I also understand like, yeah, that makes sense. (8:47) Like I can see, I can see it from both ends.(8:50) If, if anybody ever comes to the house, I'm in the office. (8:53) I'm not out for, I'm not out for lunch. (8:55) I'm not.(8:55) Well, I can understand how they can, they can extrapolate that into like, God, that must be terrible because if they don't value what I value, obviously it seems terrible. (9:06) Just like if you have a nine to five that you love, that sounds terrible to me. (9:12) It sounds terrible.(9:12) No, no. (9:13) But you would never say, you'd never go up to them and say, hmm, you should really quit your job. (9:18) I might've in the beginning.(9:19) Yeah. (9:20) But you were ignorant. (9:21) I understand.(9:22) And arrogant. (9:22) But I'm just saying in the beginning, I might've said that. (9:23) I'm just calling a spade a spade, man.(9:25) Like people who go out of their way and try to tell you how to live, it's ignorance and arrogance. (9:30) And it pisses me off. (9:31) That's my understanding.(9:32) And I, I like, especially when it's, it's so frustrating to like, and again, I've obviously dealt with this a lot. (9:38) It's like, you should be taking notes. (9:41) Like you would be way more happy, fulfilled, successful, healthy, wealthy, and in love.(9:46) If you, if you learned from this rather than villainize it, like those people should like that person I'm thinking of should be asking Amelia, Hey, how are you doing all this? (9:55) This is unbelievable. (9:56) Like I can't seem to get to the gym.(9:58) Like, how are you doing this? (9:59) And Amelia would be grateful to help. (10:01) And I'm saying this for the listeners.(10:04) You're in the minority. (10:06) Don't let people save you from your own work ethic. (10:11) People who have big goals appear crazy to people who don't.(10:16) And the people who don't have goals are going to be so quick to tell you how you should live. (10:21) When in reality, they should get big goals. (10:25) They should.(10:26) And the irony is we're not the ones telling them that we're not the ones going over to them saying, Hey, I'm really concerned about you. (10:31) You seem miserable and unfulfilled and unhealthy and not wealthy. (10:36) Like you seem really unhealthy and unfulfilled.(10:40) Like I'm concerned for you. (10:41) Instead, you and I are like thriving and we have a thriving business and a global community and people are concerned for us. (10:47) It's backwards, brother.(10:48) It's backwards. (10:49) It is totally backwards. (10:50) I'm not disagreeing.(10:51) I'm just saying, I think. (10:52) I don't think it's ever going to change. (10:54) You know when they should have been worried about you?(10:54) When you hated your life nine years ago. (10:56) Well, I know, but nobody knew me at that point. (10:57) I was good at staying in the shadows.(11:00) I'm just saying, I think as a dream chaser, this is something you're going to have to get good at. (11:04) Because I don't think it's going to go away because it is. (11:07) It's just like you're, it's just different languages.(11:09) The people around you are not going to necessarily understand what you're doing and they're going to think it's destructive. (11:17) What do you say to it? (11:19) What do I say to what?(11:20) To that? (11:21) Yeah. (11:21) When, when people do that to you.(11:22) My favorite thing in the world is when people try to coach Kev when, and like save him from things. (11:28) It's hilarious. (11:30) I don't know.(11:33) I just say, I'm fine. (11:35) This is my dream. (11:36) It's my fucking dream.(11:37) I'm good. (11:38) I'm good. (11:38) This is exactly what I want.(11:40) This is what I want. (11:42) Yeah. (11:43) Right.(11:43) Things are the best they've ever been in many regards. (11:47) Not, I wouldn't say every regard, but in, in most regards, things are the best they've ever been. (11:52) So, but I also, I do think that at this point I understand that it is mostly caring.(11:58) It's just not. (11:59) Some of it is dominance. (12:02) Some of it is not caring.(12:03) Some of it is, I know not in the story you told, but some of it is like, Hey, I'm really worried about you. (12:08) Some of it is covert emotional manipulation. (12:11) Yeah.(12:11) People don't do that with me though. (12:12) Oh, I'll just stop talking to you. (12:15) I don't do that with you.(12:16) You just stop talking to them. (12:18) No, but I think they know, I think based on the history, they know, like, I don't, I'm not, I don't need to hear that from you. (12:24) Like, you don't have to tell me that.(12:25) I don't need to hear that from you. (12:26) Some of this is very manipulative. (12:28) It's the crabs in a bucket thing.(12:30) Straight up. (12:31) I, yeah, but I, I'm, that does not get through for me. (12:36) That does not, like, I will shut that right down.(12:38) But you do know people would rather tear down your building and build their own. (12:41) Sure. (12:42) Like that whole thing.(12:43) And you're just saying you don't, that doesn't happen to you or you just dipset. (12:47) This is like the, one of the biggest problems in all dream chasing goal cheese. (12:51) I know, but I think, I think different people get different energy from people.(12:56) You definitely get a different energy than I do from people for sure. (12:59) Yeah, for sure. (13:00) Like you, most people just want to tear you down for whatever reason, as sad and unfortunate as it is.(13:07) I, people don't want to tear me down as much. (13:09) There's less of a building, like it's less good. (13:11) It's less nice.(13:12) So maybe they're like, eh, let's fuck it. (13:14) I'm going to, I'm going to knock down a building. (13:15) I'm not going to nice energy too.(13:17) Although I do think that that's changing for me, which is good. (13:21) Yeah. (13:21) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:21) It's hard.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:22) I finally started standing up to it and said, this is by design. (13:25) This is the life I wanted. (13:26) This is, and by the way, don't you think having goals and dreams are a good thing?(13:34) I've actually been challenging it now. (13:36) It works really well because they're like, oh shit, I don't have any goals. (13:40) Exactly.(13:41) End of story. (13:42) And by the way, why are you, why can you attack me all you want? (13:45) But I can't because you're different, different quote unquote.(13:49) Oh, I know. (13:50) I know. (13:50) I'm not, again, I'm not saying it's right.(13:52) Bullies, man. (13:53) Don't be bullied. (13:54) That's all I'm saying.(13:55) I got bullied with this for a long time, brother. (13:57) Cause I've always had big goals and dreams and people have always been trying to tear. (14:00) Like, and again, not everybody, not everybody, but I've been bullied a lot with the whole, like, I don't know, man, you should really, you know, you, you gotta get some R and R like I'm worried about you.(14:12) It's like, dude, you should stop drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney. (14:15) Stop telling me how to live, right? (14:17) You, you it's out of, it's out of control.(14:19) It's the wrong goals and dreams are a good thing. (14:22) They are. (14:23) They're a good thing.(14:24) They're virtuous. (14:25) Ambition is a virtue. (14:26) It's a wonderful thing.(14:28) Aspiration is what makes this world worthwhile. (14:31) Take away aspiration. (14:32) You take away this camera, you take away stream yard, you take away this podcast, you take away all buildings, you take away all phones, you take away internet, you take away the abundance that the world has right now compared to all human history.(14:45) You take it all away. (14:46) If you take away goals and dreams, the goals and dreams are a good thing as long as they're in integrity. (14:52) And I'm fighting for that.(14:53) Like, don't let people who aren't reaching their full potential stop you from reaching yours. (14:59) I think again, I'm not comparing us to Thomas Edison. (15:02) I don't know much about the fellow, but I'm sure people thought he was nuts out here making light and shit until they started buying electricity, baby, and light bulbs and all that.(15:12) Was he dead at that point? (15:13) No, he was still living, right? (15:14) At that point?(15:15) Yeah. (15:15) How long after? (15:17) Tesla and Edison had a whole thing.(15:20) But everybody thought they were nuts. (15:22) AC and DC. (15:24) Excuse me?(15:27) Alternating current and direct current. (15:28) No, I know what it stands for. (15:29) What, they each had their own?(15:31) They each found one? (15:32) Yeah, one of them was, one of them was, um, it's irrelevant. (15:39) No, we're here.(15:40) It's history. (15:41) Alternating current is where things went. (15:44) Direct current is, um, computers now.(15:47) So it came full circle. (15:49) Either way, a computer engineer's approach to electricity. (15:53) Also a great, great band, ACDC.(15:55) Yes, that is a great band. (15:57) They had some bangers, man. (15:58) I love ACDC.(16:00) They did have some bangers. (16:01) All right. (16:02) My takeaway for this episode is you're, unfortunately, I'm not saying it's right.(16:08) You're most likely going to have to defend the dreams that you're chasing from people who aren't chasing dreams and they don't get it. (16:14) They don't get why would you put yourself through so much of this? (16:21) Why would you sign up for this?(16:23) Why would you suffer as much as you do? (16:25) And again, that's their, I'm saying that's their label, not yours. (16:28) They just, their core values and their core beliefs and their core aspirations are different.(16:33) That's a piece of it. (16:34) Maybe they don't, they're not humble enough to ask for help. (16:37) Maybe in the, in the story you were, you were sharing, that's, that's another reason.(16:41) They have a negative experience with somebody who seemed like they were dream chasing, but we're, you know, running away from other stuff. (16:48) You're going to have to defend it. (16:49) I'm not saying it's right.(16:50) I wish it wasn't that way, but I would say get used to it because I think it makes things a lot more comfortable when you're just like, look, this is what I'm doing. (16:58) This is what I'm doing. (16:59) Like look at the pattern, you know, just look at the pattern.(17:02) It's going to be fine. (17:03) We're going to be fine. (17:04) But I also understand you couldn't possibly know that.(17:07) I think some of the, my takeaway would be the bigger your goals and dreams are, the more they will be, the more you'll have to protect them. (17:18) You got to keep it in here, in your heart, and you're going to keep it in here, in your mind. (17:22) And you can't lose focus.(17:25) And you do, you have to defend your dream. (17:29) I used to think you can just like brush it off, brush it off, brush it off. (17:33) The bullies are going to keep coming until they get knocked in the teeth.(17:36) And I'm not saying to literally hit anyone. (17:38) What I'm saying is you have to call it out, challenge it. (17:41) Like, so why are you so concerned for the way I live?(17:45) Because if you focus more on the way you live, you probably wouldn't have such a terrible life. (17:49) That's if they're a bully, if they're kind, wonderful people don't do that. (17:52) Please let me know how that goes.(17:55) The right approach for the right person, the right approach. (17:58) Seriously though. (17:59) All right.(18:00) If you're looking for a group of people who will never, ever, ever, ever, ever villainize you for wanting to better your life, especially in the fitness realm, we have a group called the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group, totally free WhatsApp group, reach out to Alan and or myself, and we will let you in. (18:14) And there's posts every day. (18:16) Alan's exercising every day.(18:17) Emilia is exercising every day. (18:18) Amy, Bianca, there's a lot of people in there that are getting after it every single day. (18:22) So you will never be shamed for having big goals.(18:26) Brandon's 1,300 days too.

Alan Lazaros

(18:26) Brandon, shout out to Brandon.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:28) Almost, 12 something. (18:29) You'll never be shamed for wanting a higher level of fitness. (18:33) You will never be shamed for having big goals and dreams at NLU.(18:36) Not at NLU, baby. (18:37) Not at NLU, baby. (18:38) That's so awesome to be able to say out loud and know in my heart and soul that it's true.(18:43) That's good for us, man. (18:44) That's awesome. (18:46) You want to talk about anything at all or?(18:47) No, no, just this is the place I've always wanted to be. (18:49) Okay. (18:50) We created a castle and we're protecting it from anyone who is a naysayer and anyone who's disrespectful and all bullies and spoiled brats.(19:00) If you want huge rewards for minimal effort, we're not interested. (19:03) If you are a bully who tears other people's down and questions you all the time and gaslights you and covert emotional manipulation, no bullies allowed at NLU, baby. (19:13) 100%.(19:14) All right, cool. (19:14) I like that. (19:15) I like that.(19:15) We stand on business over here at NLU, as the kids say. (19:18) All right, as always, we love you. (19:20) We appreciate you.(19:20) Grateful for each and every one of you, and if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, to dream chasing, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you do both of those things. (19:29) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (19:32) Next level nation.(19:34) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (19:38) We love connecting with the Next Level family. (19:41) We mean it when we say family.(19:43) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:45) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (19:49) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.