Why Do People Actually Quit Chasing Their Dreams? (2363)

Why do people stop chasing their dreams even when they once believed in them?

In this episode, Kevin and Alan explore the real reason most people quit long before success arrives. It is rarely about effort. Belief fades. Expectations collide with reality. Uncertainty begins to outweigh the goal. Through years of entrepreneurship, coaching, and thousands of podcast episodes, they have watched the same pattern repeat. The people who keep going approach belief differently. They understand the uncomfortable space between starting and succeeding.

Press play and confront the moment most people turn back.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(4:02) When belief disappears, the journey stops
(7:33) The reality most entrepreneurs never expect
(11:24) The truth about self-belief and success
(14:34) Conscious vs subconscious belief
(22:03) Why accurate thinking drives real growth
(30:49) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I have a tattoo on my arm that says never quit. (0:03) My handle is at neverquitkid. (0:06) I've definitely quit some shit in the past though for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(0:11) I believe that chasing your dreams and living the dream are the same thing and I want to talk about that today.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:18) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:21) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:23) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:26) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:33) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:39) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:55) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:01) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:07) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,363. (1:12) Why do people actually quit chasing their dreams?(1:14) We were talking about this in yesterday's episode and we said, hey, we're going to do this for tomorrow. (1:19) And I love when we do that because it gives me time to actually think about what we're going to talk about. (1:24) I don't always like that.(1:24) Sometimes I just like to hop on here and see what happens. (1:27) But I was thinking, okay, of all the people that I know that had really big goals or really big dreams or whatever that decided not to chase them anymore, what changed? (1:37) And the simplest, most basic answer for me is they didn't think they would get it.(1:44) That is the answer, I think. (1:49) So they stopped believing they would get the goal? (1:51) I don't know if they ever believed they would.(1:54) I don't know if they ever believed they would get it. (1:57) I think maybe it sounded sexy at the time or whatever. (2:02) And eventually, when you get deep enough into it and you've done enough reps, you're like, this kind of sucks.(2:07) This isn't what I... (2:08) Or I think there's a list. (2:10) One, you lose belief.(2:12) Two, you don't think it'll be worth it. (2:14) Three, your values change. (2:18) Four, you get lazy.(2:23) And I think there's probably like five main ones if I had to guess.

Alan Lazaros

(2:30) There's levels of belief. (2:32) So let's say there's level one through ten. (2:35) Ten is you're certain that you'll get it eventually and you're certain it'll be worth it.(2:44) That's like the ultimate. (2:47) That's what you want to be in. (2:48) That's the success level.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:49) It's very hard to stop somebody with ten and ten. (2:53) Yeah, very hard.

Alan Lazaros

(2:56) Okay. (2:57) Okay. (2:59) What would be a five?(3:01) Level five. (3:02) So if that's level ten, zero to ten, a zero is you don't... (3:06) So a ten is you believe you're certain you'll get it and that it'll be worth it.(3:09) A zero is the opposite. (3:09) You're certain you won't get it and you're certain it won't be worth it even if you do.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:13) I think where the it won't be worth it is I'm not going to make it. (3:18) I think those are very closely connected.

Alan Lazaros

(3:21) Why? (3:22) That doesn't make any sense.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:23) I'm talking about like, because most people are not in it for the growth, that that is why.

Alan Lazaros

(3:30) No, I know, but hold on. (3:33) No, no. (3:34) No, no.(3:35) You don't be sorry. (3:36) That was a great insight. (3:36) It's just not fucking answering my question.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:40) If you want a glimpse of Ellen and I's behind the scenes relationship, that is it right there.

Alan Lazaros

(3:48) Nice. (3:49) So ten out of ten is it will be worth it. (3:54) I'm certain I'll get it and I'm certain it'll be worth it.(3:56) Zero out of ten is I'm certain I won't get it and I'm certain it won't be worth it. (4:00) What did you say?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:02) The reason if you don't think you can get it, the journey will not be worth it because most people aren't doing this for the journey, they're doing this for the result. (4:15) So the second you... (4:15) That's a terrible idea.(4:17) I know, but the second you lose belief, you lose the worth it factor because if you don't think you're going to get there, it's not worth it anymore for most people.

Alan Lazaros

(4:25) I would do it regardless of whether or not I get it. (4:27) But that's you. (4:28) You're weird as shit.(4:29) Love you. (4:29) Okay, well let's talk about that. (4:30) Not me, but let's talk about it.(4:32) So I used to say, you're going to see me at the top of this mountain or dead on the side with a fucking smile. (4:39) That doesn't land?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:40) Sounds good. (4:41) I don't know if it lands.

Alan Lazaros

(4:44) I liked it. (4:45) I'd rather try and fail than not try at all. (4:47) Does that land?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:48) That lands, but like, I think there's a level of... (4:56) Okay, maybe this is when most people quit. (4:59) I mentioned there is no top of the mountain.(5:01) That's the other thing. (5:02) But it's really easy to say something like that. (5:05) Not for you, but just in general, until you are on the side of the mountain and the wind starts howling and you're like, it's pretty fucking high.(5:13) I'm going to start the descent. (5:14) I think I'm going to start the descent now. (5:15) I didn't realize what dying on the side of the mountain is actually going to feel like.(5:20) And this is self-imposed. (5:21) This is self-imposed. (5:22) That's fair.(5:23) I can turn around and walk back down. (5:24) I think I'm going to start going back down. (5:27) I think it crosses a threshold eventually where you get that like, oh, this is very real.(5:33) When I got... (5:34) I'll never forget. (5:36) Tara and I lived in this little one bedroom apartment together.(5:38) We had just moved in and I remember I was opening up my mail one day and I had a collections letter because I didn't pay my car insurance. (5:47) And I was like, this is like, this is some real shit. (5:51) Like this is going to tank my credit.(5:53) Like what are we? (5:54) What the fuck? (5:54) How did we get here?(5:55) This is insane. (5:57) This is absolutely insane. (5:59) I told this story.(6:00) That's what it takes, baby. (6:00) I know. (6:01) I told this story to somebody the other day.(6:03) We had one of our live events and we took everybody out to eat after and we were going to pay. (6:10) Eight years ago. (6:11) It was eight years ago.(6:11) We were going to pay because that's what you do is good hosts. (6:14) We were grateful that everybody came. (6:15) It was awesome.(6:16) We want to treat people to dinner. (6:18) And Alan got up and went to the bathroom and I was like, I got to fucking talk to this kid real quick. (6:22) I got to talk to this guy.(6:23) And I went in there and I was like, dude, the credit card's not going to go through for this meal. (6:30) Like if this meal is any more than, I don't remember how much it was, $300 or whatever, it is not, it's not going to work. (6:38) And that was like some, now it's that chop house or something.(6:40) No, that was that one 10 grill, I think. (6:44) It's funny now, but at the time, like that feels like some really serious life stuff. (6:52) And I think that's why, like, I don't, I don't know.(6:56) I don't know if I ever made fun of like a wantrepreneur. (6:59) If so, I don't want to, because I understand what it's like to want it and then get to like the fork in the road where it's like, okay, now I'm going to like risk everything for this. (7:08) It's a big ask.(7:09) It really is. (7:09) When you say risk everything, what do you mean? (7:12) It feels like you're risking everything.(7:14) When going back to the certainty episode, you are risking certainty. (7:18) All of the certainty you have, you're kind of getting rid of because most people aren't certain they're going to win. (7:25) So you're jumping from what is certain to extreme uncertainty.(7:30) I think it's just hard. (7:31) It's a big leap.

Alan Lazaros

(7:33) I think the expectation thing is important. (7:35) I, on group coaching on Tuesday, we started the business sessions and I opened it with just for this hour, I need to not care about your feelings. (7:42) I think I talked about that on the last episode.(7:43) I said, the reason why is business is the one thing that the more you do it, the more likely you die, metaphorically, go bankrupt and or close the business or whatever. (7:57) I was just, give me permission to tell you how awful this is going to be so that you aren't freaked out on base camp three when the wind is howling. (8:07) You aren't like, you don't think, oh, something must be wrong with me or something must be wrong with the world.(8:12) No, this is actually just a hundred percent par for the course, but it doesn't look like it on Instagram.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:17) There's a lot of people out there that are like, I made it to the top of, they're in their board shorts and their sunglasses with no shirts and no shirt on and a coconut filled with rum. (8:26) And they're like, I made it to the top of Mount Everest. (8:29) It was easy.(8:30) And all you have to do is take this nine step program and you can make it to the top of Mount Everest too. (8:35) That's what a lot of people are doing.

Alan Lazaros

(8:37) Oh, on one hand, that's, that sucks. (8:41) And I'm 100% like, fuck those people. (8:44) Seriously.(8:44) Like lying to people. (8:45) Of course. (8:46) On the other hand, don't be an idiot.(8:48) Like don't be an idiot. (8:49) Like seriously. (8:50) We used to make fun of infomercials for a reason because they're like, I fell for that when I was eight with the banjo minnow, but when I was 18, I wasn't going to fall for that shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:00) If it sounds too good to be true, it is. (9:04) I agree. (9:05) I agree.(9:06) But I just, I don't, I understand because people really, when, when your desires become your expectations, you are in trouble. (9:17) You are in trouble. (9:19) But that's what a lot of people are doing is they're literally taking, I know what Alan wants.(9:22) I know what Alan desires. (9:23) Cool. (9:24) Okay, cool.(9:24) Let me shoot this in a perfect way where his desires then become his expectations and I can get them to sign up for whatever. (9:33) Because I'm literally saying, I'm going to reset your expectations. (9:36) Your expectations are wrong.(9:38) That's the problem. (9:39) Oh, you thought this was going to be hard? (9:41) No, you just haven't found the system yet.(9:45) Oh my goodness. (9:46) I remember what it was like when it was hard. (9:49) I remember how I felt.(9:52) Oh, and then I found this. (9:53) Oh my, that's it.

Alan Lazaros

(9:54) Remember the 13 step formula that we learned on how to sell someone anything? (9:58) No. (9:58) It's, uh, I have it written down at an event.(10:01) We were at an event.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:02) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:03) Yeah. (10:04) It's like they are reverse engineering your psychology to get you to do it. (10:07) And you'll notice at NLU, we don't really do that.(10:11) We're just like, hey, this is going to blow, but you should still do it because it's going to be better than if you didn't do it. (10:18) Yes, pretty much. (10:19) Should you want to do it?(10:20) But with other people, they make it sound like a guarantee.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:23) You know what I'd love to do an episode on at some point? (10:25) The top five cognitive biases and how they're hurting you. (10:30) Yeah, that's fine.

Alan Lazaros

(10:31) Of course.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:32) I'd love to do an episode on that.

Alan Lazaros

(10:33) Sold. (10:34) To the man down front with the fucking beanie on. (10:39) Sold.(10:40) I love the cognitive biases. (10:41) Okay. (10:42) But if you don't know the cognitive biases, you are going to get manipulated.(10:48) For sure. (10:49) For sure. (10:49) You're going to get manipulated.(10:50) Okay. (10:51) Back to the quitting thing. (10:54) This stemmed from me getting fired up on yesterday's episode about a podcaster who asked me, because back in the day when people would say like, how did you never quit?(11:07) How did you keep going when times got tough? (11:09) I used to actually try to answer it. (11:11) I used to like, well, you know, I would, uh, I would just envision the future.(11:18) No matter how hard the past is, no matter how hard the present is, I still have that North star. (11:22) And I used to actually answer it. (11:24) And now I realize like, the true answer is I never really doubted it.(11:30) And nobody says that, like, I never doubted whether or not you and I could be successful. (11:37) Some people do. (11:37) I did doubt the approach.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:39) Some people, some people say that. (11:40) Who says that? (11:41) Like you think Michael Jordan ever doubted it or Kobe Bryant ever doubted it?(11:44) They didn't doubt it.

Alan Lazaros

(11:45) They rarely say that. (11:46) And if they do. (11:47) Or Tom Brady.(11:47) No, they say. (11:49) Okay. (11:50) Michael Jordan quote.(11:51) Ready? (11:52) Limits like fears are often just in your imagination.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:56) They don't actually explain that they never really doubted it. (11:59) But in, in, uh, what was the Netflix special or the Netflix with him? (12:04) The Last Dance.

Alan Lazaros

(12:05) Didn't, didn't he give like some really honest perspectives? (12:09) His crying in that was him treating other people. (12:13) Okay.(12:13) Michael Jordan was a bit, he was considered a big, like an asshole to his teammates. (12:18) And he started crying when he said like, I didn't ask you to do anything I didn't fucking do. (12:24) He, I think he, his crying in that series wasn't because he doubted his crying in that series is because his dad was murdered and because he feels a little bad about how hard he was on his teammates.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:35) But remember how people feels misunderstood. (12:37) Remember when he, every time he'd be like, and I took that personal and I took that person like that's him saying like, I was going to absolutely crush this person. (12:46) Yeah, for sure.(12:47) So I think, no, no, I'm saying they have the opposite. (12:51) Him and like Kobe. (12:52) They don't, they talk about how they knew they were going to do it.(12:56) Yeah. (12:56) Kobe, like when Kobe said- But they don't explain it really. (12:58) No, no, fair.(12:59) Because I don't think they know.

Alan Lazaros

(13:00) I think that's kind of my point. (13:00) I don't think they know they're different. (13:02) They don't know.(13:02) Yeah, yeah. (13:03) You, I will give you this for sure. (13:05) I mean, dude, I didn't know until you and I worked closely together that I had no idea that people like doubted themselves as much as they do.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:12) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:13) I had no idea people believed in themselves.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:15) As much as you do. (13:17) It doesn't even seem real. (13:19) It's like, how the fuck?(13:21) What is that like? (13:23) You know? (13:25) In this moment, I have something that I have to accomplish for someone, and I don't know how to do it.(13:31) I literally don't know how to do it. (13:33) It's like, well, I'm going to get to learning for sure, but I don't, I'm filled with doubt.

Alan Lazaros

(13:40) Yeah. (13:40) So, okay. (13:41) So good.(13:42) Beautiful. (13:42) Vulnerability.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:43) For sure.

Alan Lazaros

(13:43) For me, it's vulnerable to say, I, you know, okay, we're on the same page about something. (13:49) You're going to figure it out. (13:50) I'm just more certain I'll figure it out than you.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:54) And I, that's, isn't it Jeff, how like one of the reasons you're more certain you'll figure it out is because you figured out more, which is because of the belief. (14:02) I know. (14:02) I know.

Alan Lazaros

(14:03) But there's people that are fucking delusional though. (14:05) That's the thing that's really fucked me up. (14:07) Listeners.(14:08) I want to share this with you guys because, because this is the part that Kobe and Michael and those people don't say, I've found people who think they don't doubt, but they actually do a ton. (14:19) It's subconscious and unconscious. (14:21) That's the difference consciously.(14:23) You might be right or wrong. (14:25) I need to make this land. (14:28) My subconscious and unconscious believes it way more than I can articulate.(14:34) So I know that I don't doubt myself, but my subconscious is like, motherfucker, don't you dare dim, like just tell them the truth. (14:42) Like, dude, I never once questioned whether or not we could be successful podcasters. (14:46) It's just a matter of time.(14:48) There are other successful podcasters that are way worse than us. (14:51) It's just a mathematical certainty, but this is subconscious and unconscious. (14:58) Someone needs to look this up because the stats vary a lot, but the subconscious and unconscious mind is 200,000 times more powerful, latest science that I've seen.(15:07) Okay. (15:08) That I've seen some people say 40,000 times, some people say 200,000 times 83 billion neurons. (15:13) What fucking ever?(15:14) The point is, it's way more powerful than your conscious. (15:18) Your conscious is your prefrontal cortex. (15:20) That's not running the show.(15:22) What's running the show and beating my heart right now.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:24) Isn't my conscious, Alan beat, don't even start because I'll be, then I'll be thinking for the rest of the day. (15:30) Don't forget to breathe. (15:31) Kev.(15:32) Yeah, that's my point. (15:33) Don't forget to breathe.

Alan Lazaros

(15:34) Belief is subconscious and unconscious. (15:36) So I've met people who think they believe in themselves a lot and they definitely don't. (15:42) And I've met other people who definitely do, who think they don't.(15:46) Amy Lenny, a shout out to you. (15:47) I know you're listening. (15:48) She is a good example of that.(15:49) She was like, I don't really believe in myself. (15:51) I doubt myself all the time. (15:52) It's like, I know that you think you do, but I'm telling you, I've coached so many people.(15:57) You believe in yourself unconsciously a lot more than you think.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:01) I'm telling you. (16:02) I convinced, I am convinced I believed in myself less than you think. (16:07) To this day, I think you're off.(16:10) I do because you don't know what was going on in my head. (16:14) I'm not saying that conscious.

Alan Lazaros

(16:15) That's conscious. (16:16) Yeah. (16:18) Consciously doubt yourself.(16:19) Your unconscious is like, I got a little bit, a little bit fucking think so. (16:23) How would I know? (16:23) Why else would you do it?

Kevin Palmieri

(16:25) Because you forced me to. (16:26) I didn't force you to do it. (16:28) First of all.(16:28) No, no, no, no, no. (16:30) No, but not like forced force, but like gently forced. (16:35) Brother.(16:36) You did. (16:36) Look. (16:38) If we started speaking together.(16:40) I didn't force you to do anything. (16:40) You made your own goddamn decisions. (16:41) I don't know, but listen, listen.(16:42) Okay. (16:43) If we started speaking together and I was like, hey man, can I talk to you real quick? (16:46) I don't, I don't think this speaking thing's for me.(16:49) You wouldn't have been like, eh, I don't think this is going to work, Kev, considering I want to be one of the greatest speakers who has ever oratored in the entire history of the world. (16:57) What am I going to do? (16:57) Come to shoot footage of yourself?

Alan Lazaros

(17:00) No, no words. (17:01) We probably would have been better off because then I would have been like, okay, I'll do the speech and you be my camera guy. (17:06) Yeah, that's fair.(17:08) Well, and then you'd have been fine. (17:09) I think there was, I honestly think we would have been better off. (17:11) No BS.(17:12) There was some pressure. (17:13) I do think there's some truth to.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:16) What'd you say? (17:16) There was some pressure, circumstantial pressure, not personal pressure. (17:19) From you?

Alan Lazaros

(17:21) From me. (17:21) From the mission. (17:22) For you to be better.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:23) For the mission.

Alan Lazaros

(17:24) For the mission. (17:24) I would say there's a lot of truth to that. (17:26) And, and I can never answer this question either.(17:31) I thought you were better than you were. (17:34) Okay? (17:34) For sure.(17:35) I still do. (17:36) But not as much. (17:37) Okay.(17:38) I thought you were better than you were. (17:40) I know that sounds really mean. (17:41) Hold on.(17:42) Bear with me. (17:43) But, I, I, and I thought you were better than you thought. (17:50) The truth was in the middle.(17:51) I saw you as a possible, I saw your potential at level 10. (17:56) It is, it is not, with love. (17:57) Okay?(17:58) It's not. (17:58) It's at eight. (17:59) It's at eight.(17:59) But it's way higher than the two you thought. (18:02) Right? (18:03) And, and it, again, it's a sliding scale, don't, don't take the 10 and the, not everyone's gonna be Michael Jordan.(18:08) You're not gonna be Michael Jordan. (18:09) No chance. (18:10) And I don't just mean in basketball.(18:11) I mean in anything, honestly. (18:13) Like, and, and maybe not with podcasting. (18:16) I do think you're really good at it.(18:17) I do. (18:18) I, I, yeah, but it's, no, I'm not gonna be Michael Jordan, no way. (18:22) Best of all time?(18:24) You don't feel like you can be best of all time? (18:27) Podcaster? (18:29) All time?

Kevin Palmieri

(18:29) You don't think that's within the realm of possibility? (18:31) If you dedicate the rest of your life to it? (18:33) I think there's certain things within the podcast industry.(18:36) I'm convinced we can have the best podcast production company. (18:38) That I'm convinced of. (18:40) Nice.(18:40) That I'm, I'm convinced of that. (18:40) Okay, but you weren't in the beginning. (18:42) I know, that's fair.

Alan Lazaros

(18:43) The only difference between you now and you back then is now you see accurately that it actually is possible. (18:49) The problem with this whole thing is some people see things that aren't real, some people see things that are. (18:55) Let me share this with you.(18:56) I have a client, shout out to you, I know you're listening. (18:59) She reached out to Emilie and I because she needed to know, she, she's been working with Emilie and I for a while and she wanted to know, like, why we don't, like, so this will make sense. (19:15) She said, how do you know the difference between a limiting belief versus being accurate that you're not good enough for something or won't ever be capable of it or it isn't actually possible for you?(19:26) Okay, I said 99% of it comes down to a cost value analysis based on your limited amount of time, effort and money. (19:32) It's the duality between infinite and finite games and infinite and finite resources. (19:37) There's a big difference between I can't do this and I choose not to invest any time, effort or money into this so that I can reallocate that elsewhere to these more important endeavors.(19:46) Ideally you would be the second one in almost all things except the things surrounding your one thing. (19:50) I'll work harder to teach you this constraint theory more in our next session. (19:55) This is what she said.(19:57) This isn't just necessarily for me, but clients as well. (19:59) A client told me she isn't going to pursue D1 basketball because she knows she genuinely isn't good enough to be on the team and she's short. (20:06) How do you know if that's truth, she genuinely just isn't capable of it, versus a limiting belief she needs to work through?(20:13) That's a great question. (20:15) I say, we went to the moon, okay? (20:23) Big logical leap there, bear with me.(20:26) Someone had to scientifically know that that was a possibility before we started to do it. (20:33) How do you know that? (20:34) Because you base it on the existing things.(20:37) This is a metaphor. (20:37) If there is a BlackBerry and there is an iPod touch that's on the internet and there's cell phones, maybe an iPhone is possible. (20:49) Not maybe.(20:49) It's actually definitely possible. (20:51) You just have to go figure out how to do it. (20:52) It's almost like when you connect enough dots in advance, you know it's possible.(20:58) So no, you're not going to be in the NBA, Kevin, but I actually do believe if you wanted to, you could be one of the greats of the greats in podcasting. (21:07) Why? (21:08) I've seen your communication now and I know what it could be if you actually fucking studied and practiced with love, but the problem is that will never be in reality unless you believe it.(21:20) It doesn't matter if I believe it. (21:22) I have to get you to believe it. (21:24) And that's what I do in coaching is I keep people believing in something that I know is possible.(21:30) What I've found is really hard for me is the opposite. (21:33) When someone does actually think they're going to be Michael Jordan and it's like, yo, you blow at this. (21:38) Like you're never, not even, not even are you not going to be Michael Jordan, you're not even going to get on the court.(21:41) And I need you to stop deluding yourself into thinking you're gonna and actually put your time and effort into something useful. (21:47) And that's the part I hate because I don't like telling people they suck, but the truth is most people think they're better than they really are in certain things and worse than they really are in others. (21:58) And I am convinced of this, of 11 years of coaching people all over the world.(22:03) Accurate thinking is always the answer. (22:06) We are, none of us are fully accurate, but some of us are closer. (22:09) And the difference between me at 37 and 27 is I'm now more close.(22:13) I'm more closely accurate. (22:14) I'm more accurate about myself, others in the world, so I can make more effective decisions. (22:19) And you were just inaccurate, but I was also inaccurate.(22:23) We drove to five, so you ended up reaching your potential more than you would have had I not believed in you more than you believed in you.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:32) That's a really good conversation though. (22:34) Like, is that person right?

Alan Lazaros

(22:36) Are they going to, what are the, what is the probability that they are most likely underestimating the ability to adapt of the mind, body, heart, and soul? (22:45) Most likely. (22:46) Unless they're five too, in which case they, they are right.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:49) Is there a piece of this also where if you're, if circumstantially, if, if I said to any of you out there, draw me a basketball player, draw me a basketball player, you're going to draw somebody tall, most likely, right? (23:07) Hypothetically that that's because basketball players are above average height. (23:11) All of them.(23:12) Yes. (23:13) Most of them. (23:13) I think there's some probably below, but circumstantially, if you're below that, you're going to have to do stuff that they're not going to have to do necessarily.(23:24) I think the problem is the more the limiting belief is there, the more commitment it takes to overcome the limiting belief.

Alan Lazaros

(23:32) So if I was coaching that person, the person who, uh, says she can't play D one basketball, I would say, well, let's break that down. (23:43) Like are you saying you can't be really good, so it's no longer worth it? (23:47) Or are you saying you can't even get on the court that that's night and day being an all star in D one basketball is basically, you're going to get drafted being on the fucking bench.(24:01) That's, those aren't even the same sport. (24:03) They are the same sport, but they're not even, they're leagues apart. (24:06) That's like me saying I can have a successful podcast versus I can build a hundred million dollar company underneath the brand of a podcast.(24:12) That's not even the, you're not even saying something within the same galaxy of difficulty. (24:19) And I think that that's one of the reasons why it's so hard for me to be relatable at the stages. (24:24) I'm playing a game, game theory, a game that is so far beyond what anyone else really wants.(24:34) So dude, I feel like if I wanted to, I could have played D one basketball, but for me, that wasn't worth it at the expense of this. (24:42) Cause I couldn't play D one basketball and do this, you know, you're not going to be a professional snowboarder and a D one basketball player and a fucking cross country runner and a podcaster. (24:53) And like, that's been the hardest part of my life.(24:56) I have to choose wisely because you only get one life. (25:00) That's the hardest part for me. (25:01) You're on one end or the other.(25:03) You're either on Kevin's end where it's like, what could I actually be good at? (25:08) Or you're on the other end of how the fuck do I choose? (25:10) I feel like I could do so much and neither one of us is fully accurate.(25:15) Like, but someone is more accurate. (25:18) Yeah. (25:18) Like I, I think I was more accurate about your potential than you were, but I was still off genuinely.(25:24) Like, I, I'm not trying to be mean. (25:25) I genuinely saw you as more capable, but here's the difference. (25:28) I didn't know the difference between us.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:30) Well, and the other thing too is like, and you hid the difference. (25:33) Of course, for those out there, when Alan says he's, he's not trying to be mean. (25:38) Like I've been telling him this for years.(25:40) I've been saying like, Hey man, I'm not as good as you think I am. (25:42) Like eventually in the beginning, in the beginning I lied, bold face. (25:46) I was a guy I can, yeah, I'm the great, I'm the best.(25:48) I it's amazing. (25:49) Everything's amazing. (25:50) And then eventually as we got closer and I started to understand you more and I started to understand myself more, it was like.(25:56) The Steven Kotler interview. (25:57) Yeah. (25:58) I did it.(25:58) I was like, ah, interesting. (26:00) I'm not like these folks. (26:01) I will now make jokes.

Alan Lazaros

(26:03) That is what I'm going to do. (26:05) Does that mean that you can't be though? (26:06) Right?(26:07) That's the question.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:08) That is the question.

Alan Lazaros

(26:08) You are more like us. (26:09) I bet you, if you did that interview again, you'd be right there. (26:12) You'd be right there.(26:12) I see either immediately. (26:14) It's like, no, my initial, that's the unconscious and subconscious. (26:17) You haven't updated your programming.(26:20) How do I do? (26:20) How many times have I said, brother, you've been scared for a speech or whatever, and I'm dude, you're going to be fine. (26:25) You've been hanging out with me for nine years.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:27) What if it's good for me to have the belief because it creates proactivity on my end. (26:36) Or you could just think accurately. (26:38) No, because I have the right amount of prep.(26:40) There's a bit. (26:40) Yeah. (26:41) But look, I saw you get laughed out of a training.(26:45) If that happened to me, that would have broke my spirit. (26:47) Son, you were fine. (26:49) I got laughed out of a training because I didn't understand how little they cared about.(26:53) I would guard in my mind. (26:55) It doesn't matter to me. (26:56) The reason doesn't matter.

Alan Lazaros

(26:57) If I get out of a training, though, that's the paradox. (27:00) You would never get laughed out of a training. (27:02) It's so hard because you would always prep enough and people would feel bad for you and just and just seriously, dude, I know it's getting a little weird, but people wouldn't laugh you out of a training because they they want to say, you know, I'm a loser like clap.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:16) They probably would have given you a goddamn standing ovation. (27:18) Well, they didn't. (27:18) They essentially threw tomatoes at us on the way.

Alan Lazaros

(27:20) Oh, that's terrible. (27:22) Not at you. (27:22) I was there.(27:24) So by connection to you. (27:26) But but let's talk about this because I know we got to go in a second. (27:28) But all right.(27:30) For anyone out there watching or listening. (27:31) What is your level of belief consciously? (27:34) And then what do you think it is unconsciously, subconsciously?(27:37) How do you know what are the tells you don't follow through? (27:43) I have someone I'm thinking of right now that I coach. (27:46) It takes vulnerability for him to say, I don't know why, but I'm avoiding this.(27:50) And I said, let's figure out what the fear is, because he was afraid to tell me that because it's simple in my mind, like I would never be afraid of that. (27:59) But who cares like you are? (28:01) The first step is an acceptance that you're not.(28:07) Here we go. (28:08) This is it. (28:09) I have to accept that my baseline is a high level of self-belief.(28:13) And I know that that sounds great to everybody. (28:15) Trust me, in the social world, it's not. (28:16) You don't you feel unrelatable.(28:18) Nobody likes you for what seems like no reason. (28:21) You seem arrogant to everybody, even though you don't feel it. (28:23) I don't feel arrogant.(28:24) I feel like extremely humble internally, but externally I come off so arrogant. (28:29) It's just because I just have this self-efficacy that I've built for 37 years and it's getting bigger, not smaller. (28:35) Okay.(28:35) So my point is you, you have to accept that you don't believe in yourself subconsciously and unconsciously as much as you think, or you have to accept that you do a ton and you're completely unrelatable. (28:47) Now you have to be very honest about this one. (28:50) You have to be super honest about this one.(28:52) And you're asking like, what's the tell? (28:55) Look at your results. (28:57) Look at your results.(28:58) Like, dude, I had to look back and see that I had trophies for every sport because in book club, I got called out. (29:05) She was like, Alan, I thought you said you weren't athletic. (29:07) And I was like, I wasn't, I didn't think, but it turns out I looked back and it's like, I won the fitness challenges in middle school.(29:14) I won football trophies, soccer trophies. (29:17) I had cross country at the whole nine. (29:19) Even when I was a little kid, I was in cross country and I won like a bunch, but I never understood because I was hanging out with older kids because I was getting smoked in practice, quote unquote, like my neighbors, older brothers would beat the hell out of us on the trampoline.(29:35) So I never thought I was athletic because I was around the most athletic people ever. (29:39) So my point is, is there's, there's signs you, you don't want to admit it. (29:43) This is the weird part.(29:45) If you do have more belief than, than other people, it's actually pretty hard to admit. (29:50) I know it sounds dumb to someone who doesn't have self-belief. (29:52) It's like, well, it must be so great.(29:53) It's like, you kind of have to admit that you're different, which is the worst. (29:57) It's like hard to admit that I didn't want to do that. (30:01) I wanted to be like you and you wanted to be like me.(30:04) And it was like, what the fuck are we doing here? (30:07) We need to, we tried for a time, right? (30:09) So we tried for a long time.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:10) Didn't work.

Alan Lazaros

(30:11) The majority of people, statistically speaking, have very low self-belief subconsciously and unconsciously. (30:17) And then there's some of us that have high self-belief and pretend we don't. (30:20) And then there's some of us that are just wildly delusional.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:22) All right. (30:22) We're going to table this. (30:24) This is good.(30:25) I enjoy this one very much. (30:26) See, I enjoy this uncomfortable, but, but good. (30:28) These are always very comfortable for me.(30:30) I think that's the thing is some people are afraid to admit they're different. (30:33) Other people are afraid to admit, afraid to admit they're the same. (30:37) I feel like most people don't have self-belief.(30:39) So if I admit it, it's not, it makes me like everybody else, which I don't want to be like everybody else. (30:44) I want to be different. (30:45) You don't want to be different.(30:46) You want to be like everybody else. (30:47) It's the paradigm when it comes to the fear. (30:48) All right, we're going to go as always.(30:49) We love you. (30:50) We appreciate you. (30:50) Grateful for each and every one of you.(30:51) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow. (30:55) Cause we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(30:57) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (31:00) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:02) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (31:05) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(31:08) We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (31:14) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (31:17) Thank you again.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:18) And we will talk to you tomorrow.