Don’t Feel Good About Bad Things… (2367)

Your feelings are not always your friend. In this episode, Kevin and Alan examine how emotions quietly influence the decisions that shape your results, identity, and future. Drawing from years of coaching, building businesses, and producing thousands of episodes, they highlight a pattern they see constantly. Many people reward themselves emotionally for choices that feel good in the moment but slowly undermine long-term progress.

This episode challenges you to pay attention to what your emotions are reinforcing and whether those signals are aligned with the life you want to build. Listen carefully. The decision that feels good today may deserve a second look.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:04) Why feelings quietly drive our choices
(5:15) What you tie your self-esteem to matters
(10:18) Good decisions that don’t feel good
(13:40) Why inputs matter more than outcomes
(20:32) The long-term thinking takeaway
(21:24) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I was on the treadmill today doing my cardio and when I'm on the treadmill, there's this channel I like to watch and it's all about the downfalls of businesses. (0:09) And today I learned about JCPenney and their downfall and how human feelings essentially put them out of business.

Alan Lazaros

(0:17) I think the downfall of every business is arrogance, hubris, entitlement, but I'm curious to hear Kevin's take today. (0:27) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:30) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:31) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:35) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:41) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:47) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:03) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:10) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:15) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2,367, your feelings affect your success. (1:25) JCPenney was known for their red tag sales.

Alan Lazaros

(1:30) You remember back in the day? (1:31) Go to the mall.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:32) Oh yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(1:33) JCPenney was stabbed. (1:33) Had to walk right through.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:34) Had to walk right through, right?

Alan Lazaros

(1:36) Had to.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:37) They essentially hooked people on the game of coupons and saving money. (1:44) As we've said before, when somebody gives you a coupon for 20% off, it's not really 20% off. (1:48) They just jack the price up 20% and then they give you a coupon.(1:51) It's the same fucking price, right? (1:52) But you feel like you're getting a deal. (1:56) So they brought in a new CEO.(1:59) We're going to turn this company around. (2:00) We've had some rough times. (2:01) He said, you know what we're going to do?(2:02) We're going to get rid of all the coupons. (2:04) Fuck the coupons. (2:05) We're just going to give them rock bottom pricing.(2:08) And everybody hated that because their feelings of, I'm not getting a deal here, went away. (2:15) And they just went to other places and JCPenney went out of business and they filed for bankruptcy and all this heavy jazz. (2:20) That's not the only reason they went out of business.(2:21) First of all, we only have 15 minutes. (2:24) I can't explain the whole fucking thing.

Alan Lazaros

(2:26) You got to give the context. (2:27) They went out of business because they got cocky. (2:31) They didn't do e-commerce as well.(2:33) Amazon back in the day, when I was in college, Amazon was on its rise. (2:38) And we did a Harvard Business Review of said companies. (2:42) Anyways, question for you.(2:44) Did you know the one Sam Walton worked at JCPenney? (2:47) That makes sense. (2:49) That makes a lot of sense.(2:50) Unless you don't know Sam Walton, he started Walmart.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:53) He started Walmart. (2:54) This isn't a business episode. (2:55) The point I want to make with this is people's feelings affected their decision making and that company went out of business.(3:04) That's not the point. (3:05) The point is our feelings affect our decision making. (3:08) And if we don't understand how, we're going to be jeffed.(3:11) So I thought we could do an episode on it.

Alan Lazaros

(3:12) This will be a quick one, a quick episode on it. (3:15) This is one of the reasons why I say you can either get better or feel good. (3:20) I said this to you behind the scenes and I don't know if I can provide context necessarily.(3:25) Yeah, so Kevin had a business idea that I thought was unintelligent. (3:31) You see Kevin's face on YouTube, it's great. (3:34) Okay, suboptimal.(3:36) Suboptimal?

Kevin Palmieri

(3:36) I bring, I'm an idea guy, right?

Alan Lazaros

(3:38) A couple are going to get through.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:39) Only a couple are going to get through. (3:41) You throw a lot of ideas, a couple. (3:42) A couple against.(3:43) It's not all going to be gold, Bailey. (3:44) It's all good.

Alan Lazaros

(3:45) Can't be. (3:46) Keep throwing it against the wall. (3:47) Always.(3:47) See what sticks. (3:48) Well, this one didn't stick. (3:50) No.(3:50) And I said to him verbatim right before we did this episode, which was before I knew you wanted to do this episode, by the way. (3:56) I said, it is very clear that your feelings are not tethered to reality in this case. (4:03) And what I would argue is a better saying would be, your feelings are not tethered to objective truth or what's optimal in this case.(4:13) Remember? (4:16) All right. (4:17) I was in the car on the way home from the gym today.(4:18) Emilia is checking her Oura Ring score. (4:21) She got a 4.8 DEM score. (4:24) My lord.(4:25) That's what I'm saying. (4:26) Unbelievable. (4:27) 4.8 hours of deep sleep and REM sleep. (4:30) Best I've ever personally seen. (4:32) I have at least a dozen people that are tracking. (4:34) Okay.(4:36) I turned to her because the car is driving itself. (4:39) I was paying attention. (4:41) And I said, you have so much positive association with PRs.(4:49) I'm always setting people. (4:50) I'm always noticing. (4:51) She doesn't care much about certain things that other people do.(4:56) What's a good example? (4:59) A good example would be, Oh, I got a, that was 30% off. (5:03) You'll never hear her say, Oh, I got it.(5:05) But it was 40% off. (5:06) You'll never hear her say that. (5:07) But you will see her like celebrate in a big way about a PR.(5:12) You versus you is like something she takes very, very seriously. (5:15) And I'm always looking at what people associate self-esteem with. (5:19) Because if you look at what people associate their self-esteem with, you can determine a lot of their, where they're headed, their trajectory.(5:27) So self-esteem and feelings go. (5:30) Self-esteem and feelings. (5:33) What do you mean go?(5:34) What are you looking for? (5:36) The connection will tie their self-esteem to the wrong thing. (5:39) It almost guarantees they're not successful.(5:42) Her tying her self-esteem to a personal best is much more effective than. (5:47) Yes. (5:47) Because a 4.8 is if she was comparing to me, she's like leagues ahead of me. (5:52) That wouldn't be useful. (5:53) She's comparing to her old best. (5:57) Yeah.(5:58) I don't know if I know how to unpack this well, but I do know that everyone should check in with what they tie their self-esteem to.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:04) I think self-esteem feelings often save people. (6:08) So I think it goes a couple of ways. (6:09) One, your feelings protect you from actually altering your self-esteem.(6:16) So you pretend like, what's a good example of this? (6:19) I've said this before. (6:21) Amy, one of our, one of the most popular girls in our school back in the day, I dated her in second grade.(6:26) No big deal. (6:27) It's not a big deal. (6:28) None of that.(6:28) You don't have to say anything about it. (6:29) Not a big deal. (6:30) She broke my heart.(6:31) She broke my heart. (6:32) My buddy, Nate, I was walking back from gym class. (6:34) He said, you know, Amy broke up with you, right?(6:36) And I said, I don't even care, man. (6:37) I don't even care. (6:38) I am so flush with women.(6:41) It doesn't even matter. (6:42) I was devastated. (6:43) I didn't want to show that because my self-esteem took such a big hit that I wasn't ready to show that yet.(6:50) So I pretended I didn't have any feelings. (6:52) I think we, they're so connected. (6:54) They're so connected.(6:55) Now, why is that detrimental? (6:57) What I did?

Alan Lazaros

(6:58) Yeah. (6:59) Why is it? (7:01) Because I think if you tie your feelings and your self-esteem to the wrong thing, you, you make it a losing game.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:08) Well, because if it's not, if it's tied to something that makes you feel good, not do better, you're always, you're always going to be Jeff. (7:17) You're going to feel good. (7:18) And then you're going to get the wake up call.(7:20) And then you're going to delude yourself into feeling good. (7:22) And then you're going to get the wake up call. (7:23) And eventually you're either going to stop seeing the wake up calls completely, or it's going to be quote unquote too late to, to fix it.

Alan Lazaros

(7:30) Okay. (7:31) Here's an example. (7:32) You opened with this.(7:33) If you tie your self-esteem to a certain coupon and you think you're saving money, you're, you're just going to spend more money because every business essentially has to use coupons now because they have to compete with the other companies using coupons. (7:48) Like that's why industry has changed. (7:50) Like you and I have purposely opted out of certain things, but there's certain things that we can't, or we'll go out of business, right?(7:59) You have to walk the line of integrity. (8:01) So we have 30% off on group coaching. (8:05) Okay.(8:06) Now, well, if we're sitting here saying 30% off coupons aren't real, then why do you do that? (8:11) Because we found through doing this 21 times, it works a lot better when you have 30% off. (8:21) That's it.(8:21) Simple. (8:23) $9.97. It's actually a thousand dollars. (8:26) $9.97 is a psychological thing. (8:29) You can't, you can't compete with companies if you aren't willing to understand human psychology. (8:36) People need to feel good about their decisions. (8:40) We just happen to be selling something worth way more than that.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:44) Like, well, you'll feel good about the decision eventually, but you might not right away. (8:50) That's the, that's the hard thing.

Alan Lazaros

(8:53) How do I even explain this? (8:55) You can't, if everyone's used to, okay, you talked about, uh, remember when Black Friday used to actually be one day? (9:07) Yes.(9:07) Now it's a whole week.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:09) Eventually it'll be a whole month. (9:10) Cyber Monday, Black Friday, and whatever.

Alan Lazaros

(9:12) All of those are just ways to get you to purchase more things. (9:16) That's all that is. (9:18) And at NLU, we're going to say, hey, it is 30% off, which we could have just sold it for $138 flat instead of $97 a month for three months, but that didn't work as well.(9:30) So it's $97 for three months, comes to $294 across the three months. (9:35) You can do it all at once. (9:36) You can do a three-month payment plan, six-month payment plan, year payment plan.(9:39) It comes to less than $25 per session. (9:42) Boom. (9:43) What's my point of this?(9:44) If you, if you allow other people to get you to feel good about a decision that isn't a good decision, you're in trouble. (9:53) Group coaching is a good decision. (9:55) It's a great decision.(9:57) Now, if you're a podcaster, it is. (9:58) If you're not a podcaster, it's not as good. (10:00) Okay.(10:01) Even though there's value there. (10:02) What's my point? (10:03) You can't tie good feelings to bad decisions.(10:06) That. (10:06) And we need a good example of this, dude. (10:08) We need to find some good decisions that actually don't make you feel good.(10:12) And we need to make some bad decisions that actually do feel good.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:18) The best bad decision that makes me feel good is DoorDash. (10:22) It's a terrible decision. (10:23) Now, again, there's intricacies, right?(10:26) If I'm working a 12-hour day or a 16-hour day and I don't have time to cook, whatever. (10:32) I can, I could spend the money and get DoorDash. (10:33) That's fine.(10:34) As long as the time is going into growing the business. (10:36) If it's Sunday and I'm hanging out and it's my R&R time, I should just go pick it up. (10:42) But I was going to DoorDash something not long ago, like last week.(10:47) And I had everything. (10:48) It was in the cart. (10:49) And I was like, how the hell is this going to cost me $60?(10:51) Like, what the fuck is this? (10:53) $60? (10:55) I didn't realize.(10:56) And this is my own lack of intelligence. (11:00) I didn't realize that DoorDash also jacks the price of everything up 15 to 20%. (11:05) I didn't know that.(11:06) They took their cut. (11:07) So it's 20% more there.

Alan Lazaros

(11:10) Delivery is free. (11:11) Unless you buy their annual thingy thing, in which case you save that each time. (11:14) You don't.(11:15) Then you have to use it.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:16) No, I do.

Alan Lazaros

(11:17) If you use it a certain amount of times, there's an ROI.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:20) I pay the fucking whatever it is. (11:22) It's like Uber 1. (11:23) I pay for DoorDash Plus.

Alan Lazaros

(11:25) Oh, okay. (11:25) So they have an additional fee on top of the...

Kevin Palmieri

(11:27) Yes. (11:29) Of course they do. (11:31) My goodness, it's wild.(11:33) So I would have felt... (11:35) So there's a... (11:36) If you buy...(11:36) If you spend a certain amount of money, you get a free item. (11:40) That makes you feel good. (11:41) But it also makes you...(11:43) It's like, well, I only have $37 in the cart. (11:45) I got to get another $13 in here so I can get a free side of fucking fries. (11:49) Okay, let me add...(11:51) I'm going to get an orange juice, and I'll get an apple juice, and I'll get a cookie. (11:54) And the next thing you know, you went from $37 to $50 so you could get a free $5, but it's not necessarily optimal.

Alan Lazaros

(12:03) So the difference between you now and you back then is you used to feel good when you made bad choices. (12:08) And again, I'm not... (12:08) I know I'm beating you up a little bit on the podcast lately, but...

Kevin Palmieri

(12:10) I used to feel better. (12:13) It's like it was still a bad choice, but I felt better about the bad choice because it seemed less bad.

Alan Lazaros

(12:19) Would that... (12:19) Okay, so a couple minutes here. (12:23) One of the things that I'm doing in coaching, and I bring up coaching because I think that this...(12:28) I want to see everyone on the other side of this podcast, every listener, to be more successful, is I'm getting them to associate negative feelings with bad decisions and to associate positive feelings with good decisions. (12:41) So if you buy a Subway sub, and you buy three of them for the next three days, and they're all turkey clubs with great macros, I want you to feel good about the $28 that you spent. (12:53) I want you to feel good about that.(12:55) Again, assuming you live in the U.S., and in Massachusetts and New Hampshire where Kevin and I live, that's actually a good price. (13:00) It's all relative. (13:02) I get that.(13:03) My point is, when you make bad... (13:05) This is what I'm watching for at all times. (13:07) When I see someone who makes terrible choices and celebrates it.(13:12) That's like a watch out, watch out, watch out. (13:15) And I've done that before. (13:16) I can rip six shots, no problem, and get the perfect amount of buzz in order to go...(13:22) I was positive association with negative thing. (13:25) Right? (13:26) And again, you know, in college, have some fun.(13:28) I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you gotta keep it reasonable. (13:31) And what I will say is, what someone ties their good feelings to and their self-esteem to is very much dictating their decision making. (13:40) Like, I try really hard to tie my self-esteem to my effort in.(13:46) Not my results out. (13:49) And when I make a bad decision, you've heard me talk about regrets a lot. (13:52) You've probably heard me talk about my regrets more than anyone else.(13:56) Let me try to unpack this. (14:02) How many times have you heard me talk about terrible decisions I've made? (14:07) Many, many, many, many, many.(14:08) Have you ever met someone who talks about terrible decisions they made more than me? (14:12) Older people.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:14) People like later in life when they're like, I'm gonna die soon and I regret everything. (14:18) Okay, got it. (14:19) Cool.

Alan Lazaros

(14:19) Anyone my age. (14:22) Okay, I think a lot of people see that and they think like, oh wow, you make terrible decisions. (14:28) No, nope.(14:30) No, no, it's a paradox. (14:33) I know better now and I look back and go, oh my goodness, that was suboptimal. (14:40) That was suboptimal.(14:41) That was suboptimal. (14:42) There's this weird paradox that happens when one person is like, oh, I don't regret a thing I've done. (14:49) I immediately am skeptical.(14:52) Emilia, she is always listing out all the terrible choices she's ever made to make sure she doesn't keep making them. (15:00) Not because she wants to beat herself up. (15:02) Not because she was the worst person.(15:04) As a matter of fact, I'll talk about Emilia because she's amazing. (15:07) And I don't want to talk about myself. (15:09) Emilia has made better decisions than almost anyone I've ever met.(15:13) And she talks about her bad decisions more than almost anyone I've ever met. (15:17) They're correlated. (15:19) She doesn't tie her self-esteem to anything other than effective choices, optimal decisions, getting smarter, getting better, getting stronger, getting more capable, and PRs.(15:31) She ties all of her self-esteem to inputs and effective decision making. (15:36) Like what you do and what you say and what you think and what you feel and what you believe are inputs. (15:42) Outputs are the results.(15:43) People tie so much self-esteem to a big payday. (15:46) I don't care about your big payday. (15:48) I don't.(15:49) I care about what caused it. (15:51) I care about the causes and the decisions. (15:52) What's the bridge to get there though?(15:56) Start noticing when you feel good. (15:58) And dude, I'll share this story. (16:01) I'll go quick with it.(16:03) There's someone that I met probably six or so years ago. (16:09) And I noticed this. (16:14) I'm trying to keep it anonymous.(16:17) He was like, no, unlike him, I know how to rest. (16:21) And I was like, oh, you have very strong positive associations with being lazy. (16:29) You ever meet those people?(16:30) They're like, they're like brag about how fucking lazy they are. (16:33) I said, unsuccessful. (16:36) Gonna be unsuccessful.(16:37) You can't be that proud of a bad trait. (16:42) My work ethic is what matters most to me. (16:45) Like if you ask, like, what are you really the most proud of?(16:48) It's my intentions and my work ethic. (16:51) Like how much I'm putting on the court, not my results, not the $18,000 a day. (16:56) Not the we're amazing.(16:58) Go. (16:58) No, my effort and my intentions and my capabilities and my intelligence. (17:02) I tie all my self-esteem to that because those are the inputs.(17:06) I'm proud. (17:07) I have a great body. (17:08) Awesome.(17:08) I care way more about the four years straight of exercise. (17:12) How does someone get there? (17:14) Start noticing your inputs and outputs.(17:17) Most people tie self-esteem to the output. (17:21) I want, I got a new fucking jacket. (17:23) Congratulations.(17:24) Was it a good choice? (17:26) I don't care about the jacket. (17:27) Can the jacket.(17:28) Was it a good choice? (17:29) Do you feel good about the choice? (17:31) Do you feel good about the money?(17:32) Do you think it was a good deal? (17:33) Do you think it was intelligent for your future? (17:35) Is it going to keep you warm?(17:36) Is it effective? (17:36) Does it look good? (17:38) Is it utility?(17:40) Some people spend a lot of money on things that have very little utility and it in their life suffers.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:46) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(17:47) What would you say though?

Kevin Palmieri

(17:48) We're so good. (17:49) Humans are just so good at justifying. (17:51) That's the problem.(17:51) Exactly. (17:52) You know, it's so hard to like break that without more awareness. (17:57) I think that's the piece is like the second I knew, yeah, but I, I have to know more.(18:03) Like I'm not necessarily watching these videos about businesses because I want to learn about the business specifically. (18:09) I'm just, I'm looking for like patterns. (18:11) There was a, there was a thing that happened when, um, I don't know if it was McDonald's.(18:16) They went from quarter pounders to third pounders and people thought it was less. (18:22) So they, they had to stop doing it. (18:24) Like that's interesting.(18:25) That's devastating. (18:26) That's, that's interesting.

Alan Lazaros

(18:28) If you don't know that a third is larger than a quarter, you need to go back to kindergarten.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:35) I'm not going to say that. (18:36) I know that's, but it's hurting you for sure. (18:40) There you go.

Alan Lazaros

(18:41) It's hurting you. (18:42) That's probably a kinder way to say it.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:43) I used to do stuff that required measurement. (18:45) So I always knew third, quarter, eighth, like whatever, right? (18:48) Half.

Alan Lazaros

(18:48) If you're an adult, like where is the expiration date on being, on not knowing a third versus a quarter?

Kevin Palmieri

(18:55) I think if we were to do the, I don't know what the exact stat is, but there's like a giant, maybe the majority of the U S has below an eighth grade reading level. (19:05) But that's, don't we have to like, I know we can go.

Alan Lazaros

(19:09) It has to change. (19:09) Yeah, it has to change. (19:11) It would be beneficial to change for sure.(19:13) So a nicer way to say that is if you don't know that a third is larger than a quarter, it would wildly change your life to study mathematics, like even basics. (19:24) Well, what else don't you know on that same level? (19:27) Yeah.(19:27) And you're not going to, if you don't know a third is bigger than a quarter, not a half, a third is bigger than a quarter, then you probably don't know your finances. (19:36) And if you don't know your finances, you're probably being taken advantage of. (19:39) I know someone, love this person to death, wonderful human, got a loan for a 72% interest rate, 72.(19:50) That is straight criminal. (19:52) But if you don't know the math, it's impossible to pay that back if you don't do it right. (20:00) And I can't see people suffer from ignorance anymore when it's like, not that hard to learn that a third is bigger than a quarter.(20:06) Like this isn't rocket science. (20:07) You know what I mean? (20:07) This is basic ass shit.(20:09) And I care about listeners long enough to actually call it out. (20:14) And I think Kev will be more compassionate.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:16) Well, because I understand, like I've met people that for sure don't know that for sure. (20:23) Well, I'm assuming their life isn't going very well. (20:26) Well, that's why we're trying to build the bridge.(20:27) What's the bridge between where they are and where they need to get to? (20:30) All right, we got to pop. (20:32) My takeaway to leave this is, yeah, maybe to Alan's point.(20:36) Every time you feel good about a decision, is it helping you or is it hurting you? (20:41) In the long run. (20:42) Today, it probably feels really good to order food, but you do that every day for a week, you're going to spend a lot more money than you should have.(20:48) And you could have put that money to something more valuable, more logical.

Alan Lazaros

(20:51) Yeah, my takeaway is play the long game and try to tie your self-esteem to great long-term choices, because most of our dopamine and our neurochemistry is salt, sugar, fat, like quick, quick fixes. (21:05) They will destroy your life if you let them.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:09) If you're looking for something that's not a quick fix, but that will help you tremendously, Alan has coaching slots available. (21:14) Reach out to Alan. (21:15) We'll also have his link in the show notes for a free 30-minute breakthrough session.(21:18) If you have not done it yet, Next Level Nation, all the stuff. (21:21) Next Level Live, April 11th, a bunch of stuff coming. (21:23) We will keep you in the loop.(21:24) As always, we love you. (21:25) We appreciate you. (21:26) Grateful for each and every one of you.(21:27) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(21:34) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (21:36) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:38) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (21:42) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(21:45) We mean it when we say family. (21:46) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (21:50) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(21:54) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.