What Should You Tie Your Self-Worth To? (2373)

Measure effort, not just outcomes. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down why tying self-worth to results creates a fragile foundation for growth. Drawing from years of coaching, personal struggles, and thousands of episodes, they explain why confidence is built through controllable actions such as effort, courage, and keeping promises to yourself.

This conversation reveals the hidden gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it, and why small courageous decisions often become the moments that change a life. Press play and raise the standard you hold yourself to.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Show notes:
(5:00) Why results are effects not causes
(6:29) The power of measuring effort instead of outcomes
(12:49) Broken promises and the self-worth cycle
(15:56) Identifying your true level of self-belief
(26:50) One courageous moment can change everything
(29:57) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Some of my favorite episodes we do are the ones where Alan and I disagree about what we're going to talk about. (0:06) I'm not saying we're 100% going to disagree about this, but I think we are on different sides of the spectrum, or maybe not as extreme sides, is what I'll say.

Alan Lazaros

(0:19) No matter how thin you slice it, there's always two sides. (0:21) You're going to get both today.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:23) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:26) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:27) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:31) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:37) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:44) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:59) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:06) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:12) Next Level Nation today, for episode number 2,373, we're talking about bread, like we were in the previous episode. (1:18) If you slice it, whatever.

Alan Lazaros

(1:20) I'm excited to batch content again.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:22) This is good. (1:22) Yeah, this is great. (1:23) What should you tie yourself worth to?(1:25) So, Alan, this came from you being asked a question on a podcast. (1:30) Take us there.

Alan Lazaros

(1:33) So, she asked, this is a podcast for men, and this is a very enlightened woman, from what I could tell, who sees, I think she's a mental health professional, I'm not 100% certain on that, but she works with men and the conditioning around tying your identity to your success, tying your identity to achievement, tying your identity to what you do, rather than who you are. (1:57) And I think I gave her some answers that she wasn't expecting. (2:02) And one of the questions she asked is, what would you say to the men out there listening that are tying their self-worth and their identity to metrics?

Kevin Palmieri

(2:13) It's a great question.

Alan Lazaros

(2:15) Yeah, right. (2:16) There was a lot of good ones. (2:17) Honestly, great question.(2:18) I told her it was a great, great interview. (2:20) I said, thank you for taking your platform so seriously. (2:22) It's awesome.(2:22) But anyways, I said, honestly, I think they should. (2:29) I didn't. (2:30) I did.(2:30) I did because she was laughing. (2:32) We had fun. (2:33) It was a great interview.(2:34) I actually think they should tie it to metrics. (2:37) I think everyone should tie their self-worth to metrics. (2:40) I just think you need to make sure you're measuring the right thing.(2:44) And I said, health, wealth, and love. (2:45) And I went through this whole sort of story because her listeners don't know me like our listeners do. (2:51) And I said, when I was younger, I looked around as a kid and I remember vividly being like, this looks terrible.(2:59) Life looks awful. (3:01) You guys aren't happy at all. (3:02) You don't like your job.(3:04) You all aren't happily married at all. (3:08) You don't even like each other. (3:09) Nevermind, love each other.(3:09) You don't even sleep in the same fucking room. (3:12) And marriage looked terrible. (3:13) Career looked terrible.(3:14) Life looked terrible. (3:15) I now realize in hindsight, where I grew up, I playfully referred to as the boulevard of broken dreams. (3:21) And I know a lot of people can relate.(3:23) There's a lot of places that are not exactly goal achieving and dream chasing and fulfilled and deeply meaningful lives. (3:30) Statistically speaking, most people are unhappy and unfulfilled. (3:35) So I said, I decided to gamify life.(3:39) I was big into video games and I was like, okay, well, I track this stuff in Diablo 2 and I track this stuff in these other games, Starcraft. (3:49) What are the metrics for life? (3:51) And I started to gamify it.(3:53) And I said, now I'm 37 and I realize it's health, wealth, and love. (3:56) Everyone wants to be healthier, wealthier, and more in love. (3:59) Everyone.(4:00) And I said, health is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. (4:04) Wealth is how you earn your money. (4:06) Meaning, is it meaningful work for you?(4:08) Is it the change you wish to see in the world? (4:10) And then how much you make, is it increasing or decreasing based on the economy? (4:14) How much would Michael Jordan get paid to play basketball 200 years ago?(4:17) Zero dollars. (4:18) There was no NBA. (4:18) There was no market for it.(4:19) No one cared. (4:21) And then the third one is where do you invest it? (4:24) Not spend it, but invest it.(4:25) And then love, intimate, immediate relationship, intimate relationship. (4:30) Then you have your fur babies, your children, if you have them, your extended family, your friends, colleagues, clients, mentors, mentees, business partners, you name it. (4:39) And who doesn't want to be healthier, wealthier, and more in love?(4:43) Nobody's going to say they don't want that. (4:45) That's what everyone wants. (4:46) But here's the problem.(4:47) And I'm getting to your answer. (4:50) As if you asked a question. (4:52) I'm getting to the answer.(4:56) Everyone wants to be healthier, wealthier, and more in love. (4:58) But the problem is those are byproducts. (5:00) Those are effects, not causes.(5:04) It's like laughter. (5:05) If I want Kevin to laugh, I have to tell a joke. (5:07) I can't say, Kevin, laugh.(5:09) Kevin, please laugh. (5:11) That's what we're doing in life. (5:12) It's like we're trying to force happiness.(5:14) Happiness is a byproduct. (5:15) Fulfillment is a byproduct. (5:16) Health is a byproduct.(5:17) Wealth is a byproduct. (5:18) Love is a byproduct. (5:20) The cause, they're effects.(5:22) The cause is a formula. (5:24) The cause is a process. (5:25) The cause is an identity.(5:26) The cause is a way of being. (5:29) I never could have been in a relationship like this when I was 17. (5:34) I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.(5:37) When I was 17, I didn't know about women. (5:40) I didn't know what the hell I was doing. (5:42) No one's in a committed fulfillment.(5:45) Name me one 17-year-old who's happily married. (5:48) There isn't one. (5:49) There's no such thing.(5:50) Because no one knows what the fuck they're doing at 17 because they're young and ignorant and arrogant and or low self-worth. (5:58) The point of this whole thing is you should tie your self-esteem and your self-worth to metrics, but the key is self-worth, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-improvement, self-development, self-love, self-trust. (6:14) You need to tie your self-esteem and your self-worth to something that's actually in your control.(6:20) What are the metrics?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:25) What's under health?

Alan Lazaros

(6:26) What's under wealth? (6:26) What's under love? (6:27) So I talk about this a lot in coaching.(6:29) The inputs. (6:30) I try hard to have my clients tie their self-esteem to inputs. (6:34) So the inputs are effort that you put into your workout.(6:42) When I go to the gym and I don't hit a PR, I tie more self-esteem to how hard I worked. (6:50) And in the fixed mindset versus growth mindset literature, they talk about this. (6:54) One person is rewarded for being smart.(6:57) That was me. (6:58) The other person is rewarded for you really tried really hard. (7:01) I'm really proud of the effort you put in, even though you failed.(7:03) And the world rewards results. (7:07) It's so unfortunate because results are a byproduct of process. (7:10) Great process, great strategy, great inputs, great effort.(7:14) I care way more about our effort than I do about whether or not 2000 people listen to this. (7:20) If we put in minimal effort and get 2000 listens or views on this episode, I would rather you and I do a really good job, meaningful work that we believe in and really put it all on the court and only get 20 or 200. (7:35) And eventually, if you stick with that long enough, you're supposed to end up at 2000, 2 million, whatever.(7:42) And the truth is, whether we do or we don't, I'm still going to sleep at night knowing I did all I could. (7:46) So the inputs, your behaviors, tie your self-esteem to your behaviors. (7:51) The good ones, the constructive, the ones, the ones that are aligned towards your goals.(7:55) We talked a couple episodes ago about you tying your self-esteem to, to being overly generous in unintelligent ways, buying shots for people. (8:03) Oh yeah. (8:03) Now you don't tie your self-esteem to that, which is good because that's a good way to end up in a bad place.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:13) Okay. (8:17) Wealth. (8:17) Okay.(8:18) How, what are the metrics for wealth? (8:21) I think most people would tell you that.

Alan Lazaros

(8:25) I think all of it comes down to tying self-esteem to effort and intelligent choices. (8:34) And then results are supposed to come before you do anything. (8:37) I'm sorry to interrupt you before you do anything in life.(8:38) This goes for all of us. (8:40) There's three things. (8:41) There's your intentions.(8:42) There's your approach. (8:43) And then there's the outcome, everything, everything before you do it. (8:47) My intention is to have a great episode.(8:50) My approach is to talk too fucking much and interrupt Kevin. (8:53) Uh, my result is no one's going to listen and no one cares. (8:56) I'm joking, but the truth is I care about the intention.(8:59) Intention. (9:00) First approach. (9:01) Second results.(9:02) Third. (9:02) Most people tie their self-esteem to the third one. (9:04) The first two are way more important.(9:06) Long-term.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:07) How do we, how, how do we, how do you convince someone that effort matters more than results when all of their self-worth is connected to the results they're not getting? (9:21) I think that's what I get hung up on is the bridge seems too long.

Alan Lazaros

(9:26) Well, that's because the world has conditioned us that way. (9:30) So what's step one in the guy who gets all the girls is the, is the one who can dunk like there there's no, well, it's the quarterback. (9:38) It's the captain, right?(9:40) And it's the cheer. (9:41) It's the head of the cheerleaders. (9:42) It's always, that's always the stereotype.(9:44) That's why I think it's actually dangerous to develop young and be really hot, really young. (9:49) I think it messes you up because you, you didn't really earn it necessarily. (9:54) You just happened to be hot and you get all this validation and dopamine from something that isn't tied to anything sustainable.(10:01) And then where do you go from there?

Kevin Palmieri

(10:03) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:04) When you get older, you don't get more attractive. (10:07) Typically you can, but not without the right habits. (10:10) And we did an episode on that, but yeah, I would say, I don't know how I would ask you, like, I don't know.(10:15) That's what I do in my coaching. (10:16) I think that's why my coaching seems so shitty at first and then eventually ends up really awesome.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:23) That's the hard part is like, I might, again, Alan and I always have this conversation of like, I know that works in coaching, but how does it work on a podcast? (10:30) And we don't, obviously that answer is really hard to find, but that's always my goal. (10:34) That's why I ask the questions I ask of Alan and I disagree when I disagree.(10:37) It's like, I believe it in the coaching. (10:39) I'm a really good example of that for sure. (10:42) I care way more, way more about the effort than I do the results more than I ever have, but I've been with you every day for less.

Alan Lazaros

(10:49) I know a ton of people that do. (10:50) What would you say to them? (10:51) Because that's where you got to start.(10:53) You got to, and if they don't have the humility, they're not going to listen, but let's assume they do.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:00) I, my first question would be what, where do you feel like you currently, let's explore together where you feel like you currently are getting your self-worth from. (11:07) Like what, where do you feel like you're getting it from now? (11:09) Well, that's the problem.

Alan Lazaros

(11:10) They have to be really honest about that. (11:11) I will role play. (11:13) I'll be the person.(11:15) The person's going to say, Oh, for me, um, mostly I'm trying to pretend to be arrogant here. (11:22) Uh, that sounded really arrogant. (11:25) I was going to say half the audience just said, yeah, I don't have to pretend.(11:28) Take it easy. (11:29) Uh, what would someone who's avoiding the truth say?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:35) My self-worth comes from the fact that I know I am great the way I am. (11:39) Yeah. (11:40) Okay.(11:40) Yeah. (11:41) I mean, my self-worth is just like, I'm already enough. (11:44) Go ahead.(11:45) I'd be, I'd honestly be like, honestly, you are, you are, I have a, I have a good one.

Alan Lazaros

(11:49) I can't burst the bubble. (11:53) All right, then let's do something else. (11:54) Let's say, well, I don't really have any self-worth.(11:56) There we go. (11:57) This person you can coach. (11:58) Oh, I love you.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:59) I would hug them and be like, I love you. (12:00) You're my person. (12:01) You're my person.(12:02) This is going to be great. (12:03) We're going to change you. (12:04) We're going to turn your fucking life around.(12:06) Um, help me though. (12:08) I appreciate the hugs, but you don't, you don't have any self-worth. (12:10) You feel like you don't have any self-worth currently.

Alan Lazaros

(12:12) I would say it's extremely low. (12:13) Yeah. (12:13) I struggle.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:15) God, this is brutal. (12:16) It feels so inauthentic. (12:18) That's what a lot of people feel though.(12:19) That's why these episodes are always hard for me because it's like, I feel like we're on the other side of the bridge. (12:23) We gotta, we gotta throw a rope over to, to make it land. (12:27) Um, how often are you setting promises to yourself and then just how often are you setting too big of promises to yourself and not keeping them?(12:39) Yeah, I would say too much. (12:42) And then you feel like because you're not doing the things you're supposed to do, you're not getting results in life and that actually hurts yourself worth even more.

Alan Lazaros

(12:49) Yeah. (12:50) A good question would be how, how often are you keeping the small promises you make to yourself? (12:55) That's one of your favorites.(12:55) And if I was honest with myself and with you and you were coaching me, I would say, I think I'm keeping promises to other people more than I am to myself. (13:04) I'm more worried about being on time to the barbecue than getting my workout. (13:07) Do you get that often as an answer?(13:10) No, I have to, no, I didn't know the way you said it. (13:15) It was like, oh, okay. (13:16) That's the problem with coaching.(13:17) It's why it's so hard.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:18) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:18) You ha you, no one just says that if they, if they, if they knew that they wouldn't need to go. (13:23) Yeah. (13:24) Right.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:24) Paradox.

Alan Lazaros

(13:25) Yeah. (13:25) Paradox. (13:26) Exactly.(13:26) So, um, no, usually I have to like work around and, and sort of get them to realize that through questions. (13:36) I don't even, sometimes I don't even know how I'm doing it. (13:38) Well, so then I would ask you, I would ask you if, if, if they have the aha moment in them, I can't just tell them they have to have the like, oh, and that's, I'm always looking for that.(13:50) So sorry. (13:51) Okay. (13:51) Okay.(13:52) If I was coaching Kev right now, this is why I can't fucking stand coaching when we're not on zoom. (13:56) So any of my clients out there, I can't, I hate it. (13:58) I hate it when you come and I can't see you.(14:01) I fucking hate it because I need to be able to see it land in your subconscious and unconscious that micro expressions. (14:07) I'm looking at your every move. (14:08) I'm studying everything.(14:09) You've seen me do this in group coaching. (14:11) It's harder, but it's, it's still there. (14:13) I'm seeing how you react to what I'm saying because there's a, there's a central nervous system, uh, micro expression that happens when someone gets it and not pretends to get it like, yeah, but actually gets it.(14:30) And that's what you're really looking for is they have an aha moment inside of them that they had never realized before about themselves, others of the world. (14:37) So now everything will be different. (14:39) And then they have a new belief and they have a new opportunity for new things.(14:43) And then they go off and do new things, get new results. (14:45) And we analyze them again. (14:47) And then, and that's one of the things that's weird about coaching is like, people used to make fun of this.(14:51) It's like, well, the first thing that this thing needs is more coaching. (14:54) It's like, they make fun of consultants. (14:56) It's like the way to solve this problem is more consulting.(14:59) The truth is, yeah, I'm never going to be done coaching anyone. (15:03) Can you imagine? (15:04) Oh, we're done coaching now.(15:05) There is no done never. (15:08) Oh, your relationship's good now. (15:11) Yeah, you're fine.(15:12) You're gonna be great now. (15:12) No, there's always a next level. (15:14) So it worked.(15:14) It works so well.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:15) I stopped doing it. (15:16) That's my favorite thing in the world. (15:17) It works so well.(15:18) I just stopped doing it. (15:19) Terrible idea.

Alan Lazaros

(15:21) Well, then I've had an inkling with my therapist, Carol. (15:23) It's like, maybe I just stopped.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:28) No, I haven't. (15:29) I haven't stopped. (15:29) I want to get back to how do the, I just want the bridge.(15:39) I want the bridge. (15:40) If somebody's out there and they're like, I am sabotaging my, I'm sabotaging myself and I'm sabotaging my own self-worth by not doing the thing I know I should be doing, and then beating myself up for not getting the result I think I want. (15:52) And I'm in this cycle.(15:53) What's step one? (15:54) That. (15:55) Give me that.

Alan Lazaros

(15:56) Step one is identify how much self-belief you have. (16:00) Zero to 10. (16:01) One to 10.(16:02) One to 10. (16:03) Yeah. (16:04) And if it's a one, you have to set a smaller problem.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:07) How do you accurately get that number?

Alan Lazaros

(16:15) That's where the ego comes in and protects you from it. (16:20) If you're, if you have low self-worth, you probably are like, yeah, I don't believe in myself much, which means you probably believe in yourself more. (16:28) If you have inflated entitlement, you think you believe in yourself a ton, but deep down you never execute and you have tons of ideas.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:37) Yeah, it's hard.

Alan Lazaros

(16:38) So let's say someone does admit a one. (16:41) How do I get them to admit that? (16:43) How do they, how do they admit that on their own?(16:49) Courage and vulnerability. (16:50) Like somebody right now.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:51) Stop avoiding the pain of the admittance. (16:53) If you're, if you're listening, how do you, what do you, what, how do you advise them to land on the right number?

Alan Lazaros

(17:03) All right. (17:04) Uh, go into the future and think about what your life is going to be like if you don't change. (17:10) And that will be, that'll create what's called an ego death.(17:13) My car accident did this. (17:15) My car accident brought me right back down all the way to the truth. (17:19) It's all the whole truth.(17:19) Nothing but the truth. (17:20) And it was just like, okay, I got to rebuild. (17:22) Um, I wasn't at a one by any means, but I was definitely lower than I thought I was for sure.(17:31) So that's what you have to do is you have to give yourself the pain in advance of what's to come if you don't change.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:40) The other thing too that I think is helpful is like the answer is probably the one that scares you. (17:45) Definitely. (17:46) And it might be high.(17:47) You might be like, Oh, I'm like, I'm way more afraid of having high self-belief than for sure. (17:52) And I was afraid in the very, I think in the very beginning I was afraid, uh, you still think I, you still think my self-belief was higher than I think it was honestly. (18:03) What I was always nervous to talk about in the beginning.(18:05) I think that's changing.

Alan Lazaros

(18:07) I think I realized that a lot of what you did was out of pure, pure self-preservation. (18:14) Yep.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:15) I didn't know at the time you acted like it wasn't had to. (18:18) And so I got most of my results, man, brother.

Alan Lazaros

(18:21) That's how I got most of my results. (18:23) I had to had to, well, then you're the one who, who we should ask this. (18:28) I, yeah, but it's not, how did you, uh, I still don't believe in yourself when you went to talk to strangers.(18:34) That is, that is someone who has admitted. (18:37) They don't believe in themselves for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:39) I very much do. (18:41) I think it got to the place and I used to do this with clients all the time back in the day. (18:46) Don't even tell me how it goes.(18:48) I don't care. (18:49) It doesn't matter. (18:50) It is completely irrelevant.(18:52) Just go do the thing and feel what doing the thing feels like. (18:55) Now again, easier said than done, obviously go get rejected all day. (18:59) It doesn't feel good.(19:00) That is what helped me just detach from the result and practice attached to the doing and attached to the doing. (19:08) I, but I got to a place where I was just so sick of my own shit that I just wanted to feel good about me and I wanted to feel confident.

Alan Lazaros

(19:18) And I think I was sick of the quick fixes that weren't bringing any.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:21) I was sick. (19:21) I was sick of that.

Alan Lazaros

(19:23) And I think I knew you also hit rock bottom cause your girlfriend left you, right? (19:29) And then the bodybuilding and all that.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:31) So, but you'd think, I mean, you'd hope it wouldn't have to get there, but yeah, yeah. (19:35) Yeah. (19:36) Something had to change.

Alan Lazaros

(19:37) Agreed. (19:38) The, it's almost like the embarrassing thing is the thing that you have to do. (19:45) Uh, I remember I called a suicide hotline once and I wasn't suicidal, but I was very much having a hard time.(19:51) And I was, it was late night. (19:52) It was like 2 AM. (19:53) I was driving home from some bullshit and I was so unhappy.(19:58) Oh, I was so unhappy. (19:59) Oh my God. (20:00) It's only funny now.(20:01) Cause I'm happy. (20:02) But like, Oh, it was so bad. (20:04) And I was just like, Oh, I'm so miserable.(20:07) Like this is terrible. (20:08) Like this is terrible. (20:10) And some ad came on the radio and was like, Hey, if you're struggling and you, you feel like really unhappy, like call us.(20:20) And I called and this lady picked up and she said, yeah, I used to have mental health issues. (20:24) Now I work for this company. (20:25) Like we can turn this around.(20:26) No problem. (20:27) And at the time I was making a ton of money, but I was miserable. (20:29) I didn't understand.(20:31) And I bought it. (20:32) I was like, yeah, I'll buy the whole thing. (20:34) Uh, it was a $275 course and it was awesome.(20:38) And it started with this simple shit of little affirmations and that kind of thing. (20:42) Now in hindsight, it's, it's just what we do at NLU basically. (20:46) Um, but that story at the time would have been embarrassing to my buddies.(20:53) Like it's really, it's fine for me to tell it now. (20:56) And so this is my point. (21:01) You going to the mall to talk to strangers is embarrassing to a grown man.(21:10) And, and I wish it wasn't, but it is. (21:15) So, so how do you find someone who is safe to be vulnerable with if your peer group is going to make fun of you? (21:24) I was so naive.(21:26) I would like talk about that and not understand the credit hits I was taking.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:30) By the way, most of the people in my circle wanted to do that. (21:34) They just didn't admit it. (21:36) It's like, I don't know if I was hung up on that.(21:38) Yeah, I know.

Alan Lazaros

(21:39) But I think that was naive too. (21:42) I don't know. (21:43) Those are real credit hits.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:44) Genuinely struggled with. (21:46) I never struggled with. (21:47) Yeah.(21:47) Yeah. (21:47) But that's you, that's a credit to you. (21:49) That's not a credit to most people, brother.(21:52) That's not a credit hit to most people.

Alan Lazaros

(21:54) What I would love to give me a room of strangers thing at the mall. (21:57) Yeah. (21:58) A hundred percent.(21:58) I mean, if you had told me that in the beginning, I would, I probably would have been like, brother, but that's you third grade. (22:03) Yeah. (22:04) But that's you.(22:05) I know. (22:05) And I'm not, I wouldn't have been a dick about it, but I would have thought it for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:09) I would have been a grown ass man. (22:11) Most of the people I hung up with didn't have high self-belief. (22:15) Most people don't have high self-belief.(22:17) Yeah. (22:17) But they pretend to. (22:18) Yeah.(22:19) But they would never do that. (22:20) That's the problem. (22:20) Yeah.(22:20) You can pretend all you want. (22:22) So you go, you have to go fucking do the thing.

Alan Lazaros

(22:24) Yeah. (22:25) I remember when we were in the gym, you were like, I don't want to hear another fucking word about it. (22:28) If you don't go talk to her.(22:30) Well, that's because I knew you, that's who you are.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:33) So I knew that's you.

Alan Lazaros

(22:35) There was a girl in the gym way before Amelia. (22:37) And, uh, she was very attractive and blonde. (22:41) And I was like, okay, she seems fit and awesome.(22:44) Let's give it a shot. (22:45) And I mentioned it briefly to Kev. (22:47) He's like, I don't want to hear another word unless you're going to go talk to her.(22:51) And it's like, dude, back then I was like, done. (22:54) And I just went and did it. (22:55) But you had some britches on you.(22:58) Didn't you? (22:58) Well, that's also like, brother, I'd love to see you do it.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:01) No, no, I'm not talking. (23:02) I'm not saying I'm not talking shit. (23:04) You were talking shit.(23:04) Not me. (23:05) The reason I don't say anything quiet, like a field mouse. (23:08) I got nothing to say, but that dude, I'm telling you that the, uh, the other thing I told her still, and then we'll, we'll go.(23:14) Cause we have to hop. (23:15) I tell this story all the time. (23:17) Same gym.(23:18) There was a girl that I've, she was beautiful. (23:21) And every fucking time she was there, I was like, today's the day I'm gonna go talk to her. (23:25) Today's the day.(23:26) And then I wouldn't. (23:28) And then I would be leaving and I would feel so bad. (23:31) Kev, you are terrible.(23:35) Like what is wrong with you? (23:37) Howard. (23:38) Courage is the game.(23:39) Courage is everything. (23:40) Did that probably like three or four times. (23:43) And then there was a time where she was there.(23:45) And I think I was working out with you and Matt. (23:46) I don't know who I was. (23:47) I was, I remember.(23:48) Yeah. (23:48) I was there and I was like, I'm going to go fuck. (23:50) I have to do this.(23:51) I'm losing my mind. (23:52) Like this is driving me fucking crazy. (23:54) And I went up and talked to her and she had nothing, but she rejected me, but she had nothing but nice things to say.(23:59) I left happy as, as a puppy that day, wagging my tail.

Alan Lazaros

(24:05) But thank you.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:06) Yeah, that was it. (24:08) The regret of not knowing. (24:11) Yeah, she did make that up.(24:12) Yeah. (24:13) She probably made that up. (24:14) I'm pretty sure she married the, married the dude that she was.(24:16) Yeah. (24:17) That's that always happens with me. (24:18) I said that to somebody recently.(24:20) You ever remember a good luck Chuck. (24:21) Remember that movie? (24:23) Dean cook.(24:24) Um, he would date someone, uh, technically he would sleep with them and then they would marry the next person that I think they met. (24:30) That was essentially my life for like the most part.

Alan Lazaros

(24:32) Like almost every movies were wild, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:34) Yeah. (24:34) They were wild. (24:35) That was not nineties.(24:36) That was two thousands for sure. (24:37) Early 2000. (24:38) I think so.(24:39) Dane cook. (24:40) He was like 2000.

Alan Lazaros

(24:42) It was early 2000. (24:43) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:43) But I'm pretty sure she ended up marrying that person. (24:45) So shout out to that. (24:46) Shout out to them.(24:47) I hope they're happy. (24:47) Genuinely. (24:48) But it was, it was better having the information than not having the information.

Alan Lazaros

(24:52) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:53) And I think that's what we're talking about. (24:54) It's it's, is the workout going to be good? (24:58) I don't know.(24:59) It might not be, it might be terrible. (25:02) Is talking to the people at the mall, like, are they going to reciprocate and be open to it? (25:06) I have no idea.(25:07) I can't guarantee they are. (25:08) I can't guarantee they are. (25:10) It doesn't matter.(25:11) It's not about that. (25:12) I had last thing, I had a moment last night, dude, for some reason, when I order a door dash at hotels, things go off the fucking rails. (25:21) I got, I got food last night.(25:24) I go get my food. (25:26) I'm walking back to my hotel room and I hear somebody who I think, Oh my God. (25:32) So embarrassing.(25:33) Who I think is my, I, I had two deliveries. (25:37) Okay. (25:38) I'm opening because I thought when you, when you, uh, whatever it's called last dash or whatever, I thought it was the same driver.(25:46) So like they just, I needed monsters for the next day. (25:49) I needed some monsters for the next day. (25:52) Separate driver completely.(25:53) That doesn't make any sense. (25:54) I thought it was the same person. (25:56) Why is there a certain amount of time I can order it with?(25:58) If it's not the same person, doesn't make any sense. (26:00) Now I feel like even a bigger idiot, two people come to the fucking hotel. (26:04) So I get my food, I'm walking back to my room and then I hear somebody say in my mind, yeah, I have a delivery.(26:10) It's like perfect, perfect time. (26:11) And I'll get it. (26:12) I walk.(26:13) I literally say, is the delivery for Kevin? (26:15) As I walk around the corner, the two people at the front desk are just standing there staring at me. (26:21) And I was like, Oh, okay.(26:24) And then I just turned around and walked back to my room. (26:28) And then the person came and I was like, they're here for real this time. (26:30) I was so fucking embarrassed.(26:33) Oh my God. (26:33) I was so embarrassed. (26:34) And then I laughed my whole way back to the hotel and I was like, well, that was interesting.(26:38) That was fun. (26:39) And like in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. (26:43) Yeah.(26:44) Like that literally is the least stressful thing that it's not that big of a deal. (26:48) Like it doesn't matter that much. (26:49) Yeah, of course not.

Alan Lazaros

(26:50) So. (26:50) So the end of this episode for me is the one courageous moment to change your life. (26:55) We used to say that all the time.(26:57) A hundred percent for sure. (26:58) I remember when I DM'd Emilia, I unsent it two or three times and eventually I didn't unsend it because it was a Friday night. (27:05) I was at the gym.(27:06) I'll never forget it. (27:07) And I was like, I'm so fucking lonely. (27:10) This is terrible.(27:12) I need to, I need to DM this girl. (27:16) And I did. (27:17) And I said, true or false, are you in a relationship?(27:19) Because at the time her Facebook said in a relationship and there was no name and no guy and no pictures of a guy, which now I know, I didn't know back then cause I didn't know shit back then compared to now. (27:29) Uh, girls do that all the time so that people leave them alone, of course, in a relationship with no one. (27:34) And she said yes with myself and we hit it off.(27:38) Unbelievable. (27:39) So one courageous moment changes it all, baby. (27:41) You need courage.(27:42) And if you think you don't, you're arrogant. (27:45) You are afraid of for sure. (27:48) It's not the same thing.(27:49) I'm not afraid of that at all. (27:50) I've taken credits that made you want to puke. (27:54) Uh, that I didn't, it was like, yeah, it's all good.(27:57) We're not afraid of the same thing, but we're both afraid of something. (28:00) Of course. (28:00) And I think that it's arrogant to believe otherwise.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:02) Uh, this, this is my thing. (28:04) This is it for me. (28:05) The metrics you track are the ones that are a suggestion of your evolution as a human that there's no, how do I track the of, I talked to X amount of, it wasn't about money.(28:16) It wasn't about, it was about evolving myself that, that I think if there is one to track that because you should feel good when you evolve as a person, you should, when you face fears, you should for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(28:30) I mean, they're smart fears. (28:31) Last piece, I had a client way back who tracked courageous moments. (28:35) I used to do that.(28:37) Yep. (28:37) Fear chasing is what you called it.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:39) Yeah. (28:40) Fear chasing was the best. (28:42) All right, cool.(28:42) I dig it. (28:44) All right. (28:44) Next of the nation.(28:45) If you are looking for a group of humans who you can do this type of stuff with, you can be vulnerable and you can share your truth and you can do courageous stuff. (28:53) Next of the nation is our private Facebook group filled with amazing humans. (28:56) So join it.

Alan Lazaros

(28:56) If you have not yet, if you are looking to fear chase, grow yourself, improve yourself, achieve your goals and dreams. (29:04) And are you willing to start small and build? (29:07) We always say, start, you believe in yourself at level one, set a level one goal, hit it, self-assign it, set a level two goal, hit it, self-assign it, set a level three goal, hit it, self-assign it.(29:16) And then you're going to have a new problem and it's going to be called arrogance. (29:20) But the point is you can build some serious momentum with the right people in your corner. (29:25) We are doubling and tripling down on human connection, belonging and community.(29:30) The world is getting exponentially more AI filled and the internet is full of very fake stuff. (29:39) We used to have infomercials and we used to make fun of them when Kevin and I were kids. (29:43) And now the internet is a giant infomercial, playfully.(29:46) And if you want real people in the real world to help you really succeed in a real way, trying to think of how many more times I can say real, then reach out to me.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:57) As always, we love you. (29:58) We appreciate you. (29:59) Grateful for each and every one of you.(30:00) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(30:06) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (30:09) Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:11) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (30:15) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(30:17) We mean it when we say family. (30:19) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (30:23) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(30:26) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.