How To Get Unstuck (2378)

Why do some people stay stuck for years while others build real momentum one choice at a time?

In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down the hidden patterns that keep people stuck. They talk about self-belief, identity, consistency, and why real progress often starts before you feel ready. This episode explores the difference between waiting for confidence and building it through action.

If you have been overthinking your next move, doubting yourself, or letting one result define your future, this conversation will likely hit home. Press play and see what changes when your excuses stop running the meeting.

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Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

Join our private Facebook community, “Next Level Nation,” to grow alongside people who are committed to improvement. - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:23) The success loop and doom loop
(12:40) Define success and improve consistently
(16:24) Separate identity from outcomes
(28:53) The drive to five
(32:59) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Have you ever felt like you're doing the right things, but you're not getting any results? (0:06) Or you feel like you're doing the wrong things because you're just beating your head against the wall for a long period of time? (0:11) Today we're going to talk about how to get unstuck from the second one.(0:15) My job as a coach is to keep people in the success loop. (0:18) Believe more, invest more, get more, achieve more. (0:22) The doom loop is believe less, invest less, the future gets worse, which makes you what?(0:27) Believe even less. (0:28) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:31) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.(0:33) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:36) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. (0:43) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.(0:49) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success. (1:05) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:11) Welcome to Next Level University.(1:17) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,378, how to get unstuck. (1:22) I had a really good buddy of mine back in the day. (1:26) And this person was somebody who had always struggled with weight loss and fitness and nutrition.(1:32) And they were at my house one time, and I was tracking my food. (1:36) It was back in like, this is 2018, maybe 2019. (1:40) And I said, dude, I can help you with this.(1:44) Like, I can help you. (1:45) I know how to do this. (1:46) I can help you.(1:48) And they were like, nah, man. (1:49) I don't really want to track calories. (1:51) I'm going to find a way to do it differently.(1:53) And I was like, dude, no. (1:54) Like, this isn't going to work, man. (1:57) And again, I love this person.(1:58) I don't remember that. (1:59) But it was a really— Dude, I think I was there for that. (2:02) You might have— Was I there for that?(2:03) I don't know. (2:03) It was like late night. (2:04) You guys were on the couch?(2:06) Maybe. (2:07) I think I might have been there for that. (2:08) Maybe.(2:09) At least I saw some iteration of that conversation. (2:11) I was so sad because I was literally watching this person about to be stuck. (2:16) And they were already stuck.(2:17) They were already stuck. (2:19) And this is going to make it worse. (2:21) Because to Alan's point, you're going to try a strategy that's not going to work.(2:24) You're going to feel bad. (2:25) You're going to feel bad about you. (2:26) You're not going to invest in yourself.(2:28) And it's going to get worse.

Alan Lazaros

(2:29) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:30) And I just remember thinking, like, the answer is right here. (2:33) I know you don't want to. (2:34) The willingness.(2:35) I don't— You think I want to track calories? (2:37) I don't track calories. (2:39) You think I want to track my finances every day?(2:40) I don't track my finances every day. (2:42) You know how bad that sucks? (2:43) Golf season just opened up.(2:45) It's bad. (2:46) It's not good. (2:47) Alan's super excited because it doesn't connect to him anymore.(2:50) But like, you think I want to have challenging conversations with Taryn? (2:54) You think she wants to have challenging conversations with me? (2:57) No.(2:58) But that's— It takes, baby. (2:59) That's what it takes. (3:00) And I just remember feeling bad because I was like, this person's going to be stuck.(3:04) And I can't help them get unstuck because they're not willing to listen to me, unfortunately. (3:09) Okay. (3:10) So the willingness score was low on that one.(3:17) You had the confidence conundrum way back nine years ago. (3:23) Confidence conundrum. (3:25) It's a great name.(3:27) You're not confident, so you don't do the thing. (3:29) So then you get no feedback, which makes you even less confident. (3:33) Everything is that to some degree.(3:35) Is there anything that doesn't come down to some sort of a loop like that? (3:42) This is the one that I use. (3:43) I want you to use yours.(3:45) I believe in something. (3:48) I invest in that something. (3:51) And then I get results.(3:53) All right. (3:54) I believe I can lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. (3:56) So I do a miles for mindset.(3:58) I do a mile a day, every day. (4:01) And then I get results. (4:02) The scale is moving.(4:03) Okay, good. (4:04) So then I do it more. (4:05) I believe in it more.(4:06) I do it more. (4:07) And then I believe in it more. (4:07) And I do it more.(4:09) So it's believe more, invest more, achieve more. (4:12) Believe more, invest more, achieve more. (4:14) Believe more, invest more, achieve more.(4:16) Here's the problem. (4:18) Here's the problem. (4:20) What happens when the scale doesn't move?(4:23) Do you still believe? (4:24) Or do you transfer over to the doom loop? (4:27) Believe less.(4:29) Do less. (4:31) Achieve less. (4:32) Believe less.(4:33) Do less. (4:34) Achieve less. (4:34) Believe less.(4:35) Do less. (4:35) Achieve less. (4:37) That is very, very important.(4:41) That loop. (4:42) We're all in the doom loop in something. (4:46) Right?(4:47) There was a time when I struggled so deep. (4:49) I didn't believe Emilia existed. (4:51) You remember?(4:51) I didn't believe she fucking existed. (4:53) I was struggling. (4:54) I said, I feel like I'm trying to find a Ferrari that also flies that's also a unicorn.(5:00) Like, I don't know where my person is. (5:04) And I had to believe faith, not religion, but faith is your belief in something you can't see yet. (5:11) I have to have faith that I can do it.(5:13) I have to have faith that it can happen. (5:16) I have to have faith. (5:17) I don't know if I like the word faith anymore because it's gotten so overused in these other contexts, but I mean, belief.(5:22) Belief. (5:24) There is no more important word for success than that. (5:27) Belief.(5:28) Isn't that, isn't misguided faith delusion though? (5:30) That's the thing too is like, yeah, I think that's why I struggle with the word faith because it often is delusion. (5:38) Yeah.(5:39) I don't know. (5:40) I don't know if I have a better word. (5:42) That's why I like believe my version of that's the same.(5:46) It's like you believe in something, you take action on it. (5:49) You then focus on more things that help you take action. (5:52) You get results.(5:53) You believe in it more. (5:53) That's it. (5:55) You don't pay attention to things, you know, you know, okay, if you're out there right now and you're, you're doing the 10 pound in 10 week challenge, hypothetically, you're going to focus on diets.(6:05) Uh, you're going to focus on recipes that taste good and are filling that also help you get the goal. (6:10) Nice. (6:10) But if not, I got Walden farms.(6:13) Oh my God. (6:14) I, that stuff can't be good for you. (6:16) There's no way.(6:17) I remember there's no way I was doing my body show. (6:21) I texted my coach and I was like, Hey man, can I have some of this? (6:25) And he said, Kev, get the fuck out of here.(6:27) No, you can't have that. (6:28) That's not real. (6:29) Get out of it.(6:29) Get the fuck. (6:29) No, Kevin, you can't have Walden's barbecue sauce. (6:32) That's not real.(6:33) And it definitely has calories. (6:34) Just so you know, the cooking spray doesn't have calories either. (6:37) Right?(6:37) Well, no, when you use one 16th of a second of a spray, it doesn't have calories, but when you, the whole thing is rounding down. (6:43) Yeah. (6:44) The whole thing has several hundred at least.(6:47) Um, one of the things I'm proud of is normally mathematically, that's not true. (6:53) A hundred percent. (6:54) You mean the spray, the spray, not the wall, not Walden farms.(6:57) Well, it probably has, I don't know, 50 calories or the whole thing. (7:01) Yeah. (7:01) And the whole thing.(7:02) Right. (7:02) Yeah. (7:02) That's not giant, but yeah, I don't know, man.(7:06) It's not zero anything under like five calories. (7:10) I don't think they have to report. (7:11) So I just, that's probably true.(7:12) Let's say it's four calories per serving. (7:14) Multiply that by how many servings there are. (7:16) That's how many calories you get.(7:17) So you're looking at 20, how many servings are there? (7:20) I don't know. (7:21) No, there's gotta be 20 servings.(7:24) Well, it's much less than the Chick-fil-A I was handling before. (7:27) That's what I'm saying. (7:29) Yeah.(7:29) Anyways, it's a good, it's a good alternative. (7:31) One of the things I'm proud of is usually at this stage in the 10 pound in 10 week challenge, I've already, I've already accomplished the goal and then moved on. (7:41) I'm not this time.(7:43) What do you mean? (7:44) I'm getting dialed.

Alan Lazaros

(7:45) I'm dialed in.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:46) You have accomplished the goal. (7:47) You know, I accomplished the goal, but usually I take my foot off the gas because it's no longer worth it. (7:51) It's like, I already, I did what I said I was going to do.(7:53) So there's no more pressure. (7:55) There's no more accountability. (7:56) Now I'm pushing, I'm pushing.(7:58) I'm, I'm trying to get real, real, real jack. (8:01) Confidence conundrum. (8:03) Confidence conundrum.(8:04) You don't believe you don't take action. (8:07) If you don't take action, you don't get any feedback and or results, which reaffirms the fact that you shouldn't have done it in the first place. (8:13) I don't get that last part at all.(8:16) Reaffirm that you shouldn't have done it in the first place because if you don't, you justify it, you just, you just justify, you find a way to justify it. (8:24) We should talk about that. (8:28) I, you know how I talk about the PIP decks?(8:33) Dumbest money I've ever spent hands down. (8:36) We've used them a little, but not, not enough. (8:39) I mean, not enough.(8:40) I wonder why do people try to rationalize their terrible choices? (8:45) Like why not just own that it was a terrible choice? (8:48) I had a talk with somebody today and they said, I just don't think you regret things as much as I do.(8:53) And I was like, man, it's very possible. (8:55) I think I'm just very like, I don't know. (8:57) I fucked up.(8:57) It's dumb. (8:58) It's gone now. (8:59) Okay.(8:59) I'm okay. (9:00) I learned. (9:01) Move on.(9:01) Yeah. (9:02) But I don't know. (9:03) So the pain of it is like really bad for people.(9:06) I've always wondered that too. (9:08) Like you got, you can't justify terrible choices all the time. (9:15) You know, I've done it back in the day.(9:16) It was like, yeah, well, yeah, I didn't drink that much. (9:20) Of course. (9:20) You know, you're justifying getting wasted.(9:23) Right. (9:23) I I've been there. (9:25) I'm just, you got to stop doing that.(9:27) If you want to win, we should do an episode on that at some point. (9:31) That's all I'm saying. (9:32) I only, I only smoke cigarettes when I drink.(9:34) It's like you drink three times a week. (9:35) So you, you're essentially, you're essentially a chain smoker, but I don't inhale. (9:40) Right.(9:40) It's like, well, the secondhand smoke. (9:42) Yeah. (9:42) So, so listen, that's, and again, I think, hold on.(9:47) I, I used to say the same thing. (9:48) It's like, well, weeds, not that weeds, not as bad as anything like the other stuff. (9:51) It's like, I was trying to convince you.(9:52) I remember back in the day, it's not, I, in time, right. (9:55) Here's the truth. (9:56) You don't want to stop.(9:58) A hundred percent. (9:59) That's it. (9:59) I still, what's the truth underneath that?(10:01) Well, it's not that bad for you. (10:02) Instead of justifying, why not just say the truth of it's worth it to me. (10:05) I'd love to, I'd love to smoke a joint.(10:07) I would love 12 out of 10. (10:09) Oh my God. (10:09) I'd love to, I'd love to.(10:11) It's a But I don't, I can't. (10:15) This is something we should do an episode on at some point where it's like, why do you have to believe that it's a good choice to make the choice? (10:22) Like I can make terrible choices.(10:25) I just can't. (10:26) What I struggle with is like, okay, what's a good example of some dumb shit that I've done? (10:32) All right.(10:33) Partied in LA. (10:34) Did some drugs. (10:36) We mean by partied.(10:38) Take it easy. (10:39) Here's the truth. (10:41) I didn't believe that was smart.(10:44) I wasn't like, oh, this is really a great idea. (10:47) Like, what did you, what did you believe? (10:47) What was your thought process?(10:48) I'm exploring and I gotta, I gotta see what this is like. (10:51) And I'm, I'm here. (10:52) Yeah.(10:53) And I'm here and it was awesome. (10:56) Kind of as well. (10:58) You know, it's, it's like, um, more of a, I'm not like, this is a rational, intelligent choice.(11:07) It's more like, I gotta see what this is about. (11:12) What's all this about. (11:13) Right.(11:14) And then it becomes a thing. (11:16) And then it's like, okay, okay. (11:18) I've explored enough.(11:20) This is more than exploring now. (11:21) I used to say this all the time. (11:23) Be a tourist.(11:23) Do not move in. (11:26) Be a tourist. (11:27) You got to go see the Eiffel tower.(11:29) Right. (11:29) You gotta, you gotta, I'm not, I don't believe that you should never drink alcohol. (11:33) I don't believe that no one should ever experience drinking.(11:39) I drank for years. (11:42) It's supposed to run its course. (11:45) You know, I drank in college.(11:47) I had a fucking blast. (11:49) I think that that's, it would be unintelligent to not explore at all. (11:52) I think you've got to explore life a bit.(11:55) You can't just, okay. (11:56) Huddle yourself in a corner. (11:58) We'll bring you three meals a day.(11:59) That's what Jim Rohn used to say. (12:00) Like, you can't, you can't not explore. (12:02) Right.(12:02) You got to explore, but you can't, there's a line there. (12:06) And that's why we have the drive to five. (12:07) It's like, when you pass the line, it's like, okay.(12:10) Okay. (12:11) All right. (12:11) It's time to rein this back in.(12:13) You know, let's get back on the rails. (12:15) It is hard. (12:16) Yeah.(12:16) But maybe that's, it's, it's a very fine line because you really can go off the rails fairly easily if you're not careful. (12:27) For sure. (12:27) You know, it's, it's not, that's why I love this podcast because this podcast is designed to get you a little, nudge you, just nudge you.(12:36) Let's nudge you back on the rails just a little bit. (12:38) Your rails, not ours, yours. (12:40) I'm not saying never drink, never smoke, never do anything.(12:43) I'm not saying not to explore. (12:45) What I'm saying is figure out what success and fulfillment means to you, and then set up a life where you are consistently improving in that direction. (12:54) I'm not saying not to stray a little bit.(12:56) Like I used to love Domino's. (12:58) Now I don't eat Domino's. (12:59) I eat, you know, Whole Foods pizzas.(13:01) I'm just saying get better. (13:03) I'm not saying to be perfect. (13:04) I think perfect is stupid.(13:05) I agree. (13:06) I agree. (13:07) Look, I love a, I love a nice whiskey after a long week.(13:10) Well, I do. (13:11) I, but then again, like I also now feel the downsides more. (13:15) There you go.

Alan Lazaros

(13:16) Right.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:16) And it's a choice. (13:17) And it's a choice. (13:17) Yeah.(13:18) It's a choice. (13:18) And you're still making that choice. (13:19) And maybe at some point you'll be like, you know what?(13:21) This isn't worth it anymore. (13:22) Well, it's always that. (13:24) I think that's always, that's why belief is so important.(13:26) Because if you don't think it'll be worth it to go up and approach that person or apply for the job or whatever it is, if you don't think it'll be worth it to going back to the previous episodes, just quit smoking weed for a month, get a better job, and then you can go back to smoking weed if you want. (13:42) Awesome. (13:42) Cool.(13:43) But quit for a month so you can get a better job. (13:45) So you're, you're saying that people don't believe if there's no guarantee, that's the thing. (13:51) In their head, they're like, well, what if I make all these sacrifices and then I don't get a job anymore?(13:57) That's not a good mentality though. (13:59) My thought process was literally, what if I go a month without smoking and then they don't drug test me? (14:04) That was it.(14:05) So what? (14:07) I would have wasted a month in my mind of, Hey, I wasted a month of pot smoking. (14:15) You probably learned something, right?(14:17) You, you got perspective. (14:19) You now understand. (14:20) No, none of that.(14:21) I didn't get the job, which was good. (14:23) I didn't get the job. (14:24) I'll tell this story.(14:25) This is always a funny story. (14:27) Um, so I literally was trying to take a $40,000 a year pay cut. (14:34) Okay.(14:35) So I made a hundred thousand dollars and I was like, this, I can't do this job anymore. (14:38) There was an office job for a project manager. (14:41) And when it came out, they were like, we're going to offer it to internal first, but none of you are probably going to want it though.(14:45) Cause you're going to take a giant pay cut. (14:46) I was like, I'm first in line. (14:48) I fucking hate this.(14:49) I can't travel anymore. (14:50) I'm losing my mind. (14:51) Like, please give me this job.(14:53) So I go in and I do the interview and I'm like, this is, I've been here a lot. (14:56) I'm tenured. (14:57) I'm going to get this for sure.(14:58) I'm just not even going to be an issue. (15:00) So I get a call from the project manager. (15:02) This by the way is Believe More.(15:04) So he had high belief. (15:05) I had super high belief. (15:06) Super high belief.(15:07) I get a call from the project manager. (15:08) Hey Kev, you mind coming in Friday at noon? (15:12) Talk about the job.(15:13) Done. (15:15) Done. (15:16) So I get in my car, drive an hour in 15 minutes to get to the, to get to the headquarters, walk in.(15:23) They sit me down. (15:23) I'm all happy. (15:24) They're like, so we went with somebody else.(15:27) I'm like, could have told me that on the phone. (15:31) Could have told me that on the phone. (15:33) Could have sent me an email.(15:34) You could do that. (15:35) Any text me. (15:35) You could have texted me.

Alan Lazaros

(15:36) Electronic mail.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:37) This is thing. (15:38) Could have sent me a snail mail. (15:39) It's not.(15:40) We went with somebody else. (15:42) Okay. (15:43) Thank you so much.

Alan Lazaros

(15:44) Thank you so much.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:45) We wanted to respectfully tell you in person and waste two hours, two and a half hours. (15:49) It was not worth it. (15:49) It didn't seem worth it.(15:51) So confidence conundrum, doom loop is what I call it. (15:55) The thing is there's no guarantee. (15:58) That's it.(16:00) There's no guarantee. (16:02) The reason, the justification, I always use approaching somebody attractive because the only way to justify it is she would have said no anyway. (16:11) She doesn't want somebody like me.(16:13) You have to justify it. (16:15) So the next time. (16:16) How do you justify it?(16:16) To feel better about yourself? (16:17) Yeah. (16:18) You and I never talk about this anymore because we should.(16:22) We should. (16:23) That's all I'm going to say. (16:23) I'm not going to shit on us.(16:24) We, I think there were some fundamentals back in the day that we just were so good at and we lost it. (16:30) Change the identity and the behavior. (16:32) You need to separate them a little bit.(16:34) I mean, don't separate them completely. (16:37) Then, then you're delusional. (16:39) I'm a runner, but I never run like that's delusion.(16:41) Okay. (16:42) Belief in something that doesn't exist is delusion. (16:45) We're not pro delusion belief in your own ability.(16:50) Like, okay. (16:51) The behavior is you go up and ask the girl out. (16:55) That doesn't mean you're a loser.(16:57) If she says no, it just means she's not into you. (17:02) And I didn't do this consciously. (17:05) It's not like when I, when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I'm going to separate my identity from the outcome.(17:12) I just didn't. (17:13) It just because I failed a test doesn't mean I'm dumb. (17:17) You know, I don't because that's how I always felt because I thought I was going to fail the test.(17:22) You thought you're going to pass it for sure. (17:24) I thought I was going to fail it. (17:25) So when I failed it, it was re it was reaffirmation that I was right in the first place.(17:29) You just have this belief that you're somehow not smart. (17:32) It's like, no one's smart. (17:33) You're a kid.(17:34) Yeah. (17:35) But there's people that are smarter. (17:36) So of course there are, well, in my mind, I was not one of them.(17:40) Yeah. (17:40) But that sucks man, because that's a self-fulfilling prophecy and there might be some truth to it. (17:46) You are short, but that doesn't mean you can't get any women.(17:50) Like see how these beliefs mess us up. (17:53) You can't, you have one data point and you make a belief.

Alan Lazaros

(17:58) It's all or nothing.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:59) Yeah. (17:59) It's all or nothing. (18:00) That all or nothing thinking will destroy your life.(18:02) Like I failed one test, so I must be a moron. (18:10) In that case, everyone's an idiot. (18:13) There's no one who's never failed a test.(18:15) Have you ever met someone who's never failed a test? (18:18) I don't know if I've ever asked. (18:21) Yeah.(18:21) It's not something people usually come out and say. (18:23) That's why I love statistics. (18:24) Last episode, I would have said statistics, which they already teach in school, kind of.(18:29) You'd know better than I. (18:30) Because what percentage of people have ever failed a test? (18:33) 100% of people.(18:35) If there's anyone out there who's never failed a test, you've never gotten a D, okay, D or an F. (18:40) And again, I know the rating system's different depending, right? (18:42) I'm talking about Massachusetts, but I was a straight A student.(18:47) I've failed tests before. (18:49) Of course. (18:50) Drank the night before, bombed it the next day, had to make up for it.(18:54) Of course. (18:54) Yeah, but I studied and still failed probably. (18:57) That's the difference.(18:58) Are you sure? (19:00) Dude, I remember there was some math tests that I took where I was like, I feel really good about that. (19:06) Really good.(19:07) Everything made sense. (19:09) I feel really good. (19:10) Get it back.(19:10) It's like a 67. (19:11) It's like, oh, fuck. (19:12) I was way off on that.(19:14) I wasn't even close. (19:17) I got some grades in math where I was like, this must be somebody else's paper. (19:21) There's no way this is mine.(19:22) It was always mine. (19:23) Always. (19:24) You have the funniest stories, man.(19:26) Dude, honestly. (19:27) It just didn't connect, man. (19:30) Math was never it.(19:31) The equations, it was like a different language. (19:35) It is. (19:36) It is a different language.(19:36) It's like X equals 4B plus 3C. (19:42) It's like, no, no. (19:46) You would say that after two layers, your brain shuts off.(19:49) It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. (19:52) There's only so many. (19:54) I'm trying to set up a notion thing.(19:57) So notions like a, I don't even know what you consider it. (20:01) It took me so much longer than it should have because there's like five steps and I can't, I don't even know how to explain it. (20:09) Kevin's brain pulls the shut down.

Alan Lazaros

(20:12) It does.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:12) It's like two steps and it's like, I don't get it. (20:15) There's like a domino effect. (20:16) Oh, you're good.(20:17) There's a domino effect and my brain cannot predict the domino until I do it. (20:23) For some reason. (20:27) That makes a lot of sense.(20:29) That makes a lot of sense. (20:30) Does it? (20:31) Yeah, yeah.(20:32) That's why you're so quick to implement, but then you can't scale. (20:35) Yeah. (20:35) I can only get to a certain level.(20:37) Yeah. (20:38) I can only get to a certain level. (20:39) I can't see it.(20:40) I can't see enough pieces. (20:43) I'm really good at moving the pieces I know, but like when I hit a wall of pieces I don't know, it's like, okay, I'll go play another game. (20:50) What about in fitness?(20:52) You see more than one piece. (20:55) You see your next workout, your next five workouts, your next five months. (20:58) Like you can see all that, right?(20:59) No, no. (21:03) I appreciate your honesty. (21:05) I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow that you, yeah, but you have a general outline.(21:10) I like arm. (21:11) If I'm doing arms, I know what I'm doing. (21:13) Yeah, but you know, like a genuine outline.(21:17) You'll love this. (21:17) I told Tara this. (21:18) I worked out with Bruce today.(21:20) Bruce is 79 years old. (21:21) You've heard of Bruce before and dude, he's just the funniest. (21:27) We're doing, he's doing bench press.(21:32) Jesus. (21:33) It's all I've ever heard Bruce do. (21:34) Bruce loves bench press.(21:36) No, he loves traps. (21:38) Every time I'm in there, I'm like, what are you doing? (21:40) He's like, rear traps, got to work on them.(21:42) Bruce, every time you say that, his traps are huge too.

Alan Lazaros

(21:47) Are they?

Kevin Palmieri

(21:48) Yeah, he's got big traps, man. (21:49) Nice. (21:50) He wears this like this ripped sweatshirt.(21:52) He always has his belt on. (21:53) He always has his wrist wraps. (21:54) He's jacked.(21:55) And he was doing 135 on bench. (21:57) Dude's 79 years old. (21:59) This is incredible.(22:00) Nice. (22:00) And he pulls it off the rack and it clips it and he starts swearing at himself. (22:06) Fuck.(22:08) And then he does what you do. (22:11) He's like, come on, Bruce, get it together. (22:14) I was dying.(22:15) That's the best. (22:15) I was dying. (22:17) So I don't know why I brought that up, but Bruce is.(22:18) All right. (22:19) Confidence conundrum. (22:20) I know we got to get out of here soon.(22:22) For the listeners, anyone out there, what happens to you when the feedback is negative? (22:29) Do you quit or do you go back to changing your approach? (22:34) That's what I unconsciously as a kid did.(22:37) I didn't lose a halo match and then go, I suck. (22:40) I went, oh, my approach probably sucks. (22:43) Like let's re strategize.(22:45) What is this double shot thing? (22:46) Okay. (22:47) I got to learn how to double shot.(22:48) Like, but how'd you know you could find the strategy? (22:51) I don't know, dude. (22:52) I just always did.(22:53) That's the, there's always a way. (22:54) That's my belief. (22:55) It's there's always a way.(22:57) And again, I don't want to come off like everything around us was created by someone. (23:10) I wonder why are they better than you? (23:12) I wonder if that, what do you think is a more empowering belief?(23:15) It's never been done or it's been done. (23:21) Depends on the person. (23:23) I feel like for me, cause I immediately start comparing.(23:25) You do. (23:26) Yeah. (23:26) Well, that it's like, no, you think I could design this fucking TV, man?(23:30) Of course. (23:31) If you, if you dedicated your life to it, you could. (23:34) Somebody airdropped me something the other day.(23:35) I was like, this is fucking incredible. (23:37) This is incredible. (23:40) He airdrops it plumbing company.(23:43) They did a video of the inside of the pipe, went to a tablet, airdropped it to me. (23:48) I was like, this is the most insane thing I've ever experienced in my entire life.

Alan Lazaros

(23:51) What are we doing here?

Kevin Palmieri

(23:53) How? (23:54) Okay. (23:54) Someone had to create all that.(23:56) I know. (23:57) And you believe that they are smarter than you. (24:00) But they're not more capable.(24:03) Some of this is the, this is the duality and this is the problem. (24:06) Some of them are smarter than you. (24:08) Right.(24:09) But, but they weren't necessarily born that much smarter. (24:13) You know what I mean? (24:14) Like, yeah, this is the problem with dreams and goals.(24:19) I'm not capable. (24:21) Okay. (24:21) Perfect example.(24:22) I ran a seven 41 mile yesterday. (24:25) My PR for this, I call it a micro PR because it's not a PR in life. (24:29) It's a PR in this little last 30 days.(24:33) Just because I ran a seven 39 doesn't mean I can't eventually get to six. (24:40) Of course I could brother. (24:42) Of course I could.(24:44) And I know this is going to sound nuts to some people, but there's very few people I know who couldn't get there. (24:51) You could get to a six minute mile if you worked on it. (24:54) And I think that we, we make these big world beliefs about ourself based on like the now.(25:06) Right now I cannot run a six minute mile on a whim, but in, if you give me six months, I'm certain I can. (25:13) I'm certain I can. (25:15) And unfortunately, if you don't believe that, you'll never do it.(25:20) Yeah. (25:21) Why am I certain you're not, you know what I mean? (25:23) Like that you can run a six minute mile and so can I, but you have all these reasons.(25:28) You can't, I'm short. (25:29) I'm, you know, not anymore. (25:32) No, I'm still short, but I'm not saying that.(25:33) No, the reason is used to think you could just run one. (25:35) Yeah. (25:36) I used to think I could just do it.(25:36) The reason now is I just know I'm not willing to do what it takes. (25:39) That's a different story. (25:40) Yeah.(25:40) There's a difference scene. (25:41) I could versus I don't want to, I don't like, I can't do it. (25:45) Yeah.(25:46) But here's the problem. (25:47) Could you run a four? (25:49) Probably not.(25:50) Yeah. (25:50) Right. (25:50) And what's the reason?(25:52) Uh, because that requires just, there's just too many levels of genetics and time. (25:59) You are too short.

Alan Lazaros

(26:00) I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:00) Maybe there are, but are there any four minute milers that are five, six, five, five? (26:04) If so, they don't weigh 175 pounds. (26:06) That's for sure.(26:07) They probably weigh 112 pounds. (26:09) If you dedicated your life to running, do you believe you could do a sub four minute mile? (26:15) No.(26:16) Okay. (26:17) I do believe I could, but that's also cause I have, I'm an ectomorph. (26:21) I'm six to like running feels like what bodybuilding must feel like for you.(26:26) Yeah. (26:26) I was going to say, I feel like if I dedicated my life, I could squat 550 pounds probably. (26:31) There you go.(26:32) Amelia said, cause she's, uh, she runs next to me and she's like, I don't even get it. (26:38) You started running like two weeks ago and you're, you're just like hammering these miles. (26:43) And again, there's levels like I'm not, it's not that impressive, but I can definitely tell when I'm on the treadmill, it's like, this was my sport for sure.(26:50) This was my sport. (26:51) I was supposed to play basketball and or this like for sure. (26:54) Whereas bodybuilding never felt that way for me.(26:57) I have an embarrassing, we got to go after this. (26:59) I have an embarrassing admission. (27:01) Last night I was like, every time I have a weakness at the gym and I just like a month, it just goes away.(27:11) The weakness just goes away. (27:12) Almost. (27:13) It's weird.(27:14) It's like, I'm going to, I'm going to get good at incline presses. (27:17) Like, okay, now I can do the hundreds for reps. (27:19) Okay, cool.(27:19) All right. (27:20) That's good. (27:21) My back sucks.(27:22) I'm going to start doing dumbbell rows. (27:23) Okay. (27:23) Now I can dumbbell rows the hundreds.(27:25) Okay, cool. (27:25) And then like, dude, I forget though. (27:27) Then it gets to a point where I forget.(27:29) It's like, oh, I'm going to squat 425 this year. (27:31) Okay. (27:31) I did that.(27:32) Cool. (27:32) And then I forget what it was like to like set the goal to make an accomplishment that beyond what I'm currently capable of. (27:39) Right.(27:40) Now do that same shit with everything. (27:42) I don't, if you, it doesn't land. (27:46) It's like you need a, there needs to be a certain level of burden of proof before you think you can do something.(27:52) You know, I think I could act. (27:56) I really do. (27:57) And then one time I told you there's a, there's a YouTube video where it gives you like the four levels of acting.(28:06) It's like somebody who's never done it. (28:07) Somebody who just started school, somebody who's seasoned and then Leonardo DiCaprio.

Alan Lazaros

(28:10) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:11) I was like, I fucking do this. (28:13) This is nothing. (28:14) I set my phone up and I tried to do, I watched like, I swear to God, I watched like seven seconds of it.(28:21) And I was like, this is fucking terrible. (28:22) I can't watch this. (28:23) It's fucking terrible.(28:24) This is the worst thing I've seen in my entire life. (28:26) Oh my God. (28:27) I am so arrogant.(28:30) But you know, the only reason I thought I could is because I podcast and I tell stories and like sometimes I act a little bit and make funnies and I was like, I could definitely do this. (28:39) There was, there was too much burden of proof that was well beyond my level of competence. (28:43) That's a piece of it.(28:45) Do you believe you could be a successful actor if you try?

Alan Lazaros

(28:48) Yes. (28:48) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:48) Tomorrow if I wanted probably. (28:50) Okay. (28:50) Come on.(28:51) I like that you're doing that though. (28:53) Cause for the listeners, it's like the drive to five. (28:57) If you're 10 out of 10 certain with no proof, you're arrogant.(29:01) But if you're, if you have tons of proof and you still don't believe in yourself at all, you're obviously you're too much self-doubt, right? (29:10) It's the drive to five. (29:11) 10 out of 10 is arrogant.(29:12) Zero out of 10 is. (29:13) So the zeros don't believe it'll work out no matter what they do. (29:18) The tens believe it'll work out no matter what they do.(29:21) And the truth is in the middle. (29:23) I'd still rather be the 10. (29:25) Nah, man.(29:26) No. (29:26) Take more shots. (29:29) Nah, but you see, you don't understand the implications to your, you can't be fulfilled.(29:37) I, I, you, you're convinced 10 is better. (29:39) No chance, dude. (29:40) No, no.(29:40) I just mean as a starting point before a course correction, you still have to correct courses. (29:46) Like you're still going to work on getting to five. (29:48) That's what I'm saying.(29:50) You think going from 10 to five is better than zero to five? (29:53) I think so. (29:53) I still to this day believe, Oh, so you have moments where you don't doubt yourself.(29:59) Like, Oh, okay. (30:00) Sorry. (30:01) No, that's my life.(30:02) What do you do? (30:02) No, no. (30:03) I, oh yeah.(30:04) Yeah. (30:04) Sorry. (30:05) You have moments where you do doubt yourself.(30:07) Ah, congrats. (30:08) I now have moments where I don't. (30:10) That's awesome.(30:10) I love that. (30:12) Yeah. (30:12) But you don't understand the social implications.(30:14) I know. (30:14) I know. (30:14) Right.(30:15) Again, there's downsides of both. (30:16) In the real world, I would say it's better to be more belief and fail forward more. (30:21) Yeah.(30:22) In the social world, it definitely is not. (30:25) I promise you. (30:26) It's like, and then the problem is you, it seems like for no reason.(30:29) It's just so hard to belong. (30:30) It's so like, how many times have you had conversations with people where, uh, you guys are like laughing about those stories you're telling? (30:43) Those are funny.(30:44) Those are hilarious. (30:45) I have, I don't, my stories aren't funny. (30:48) Well, they weren't funny at the time.(30:49) I believe that gets straight A's. (30:50) So then I did it like that's no one likes that kid. (30:53) Yeah.(30:53) But they read the, they read that biography. (30:55) Nobody's reading my biography. (30:57) It's just going to be a series of unfortunate events.(31:00) You know what I mean? (31:01) Like you want perspective. (31:03) I got you.(31:04) If you're looking for, you know, I don't think I've had many like super cool things happen. (31:10) You know, that's cool stuff. (31:11) Alan, Alan, uh, saw Steve Jobs speech and got up and walked out of class in college.(31:15) I was like, dude, that's going to be in the movie. (31:17) That was never, that was never it for me. (31:20) I never had any of that.(31:21) I was like, I'm done with school now. (31:22) I started campus Libra after that. (31:23) I don't know what it is, but I like it.(31:25) Yeah. (31:25) I used to go to schools for my job and like I would walk through and all the kids were taller than me. (31:30) I was like, this is fucking terrible.(31:32) This is a middle school. (31:33) These kids are as tall as I am. (31:35) I look like one of them, like in work boots and like my work clothes.(31:39) Like what do we do? (31:39) I'm gonna get lost. (31:40) One of the teachers is going to pull me in.(31:41) They think I escaped. (31:42) What are we doing here? (31:43) Oh my God, brutal.(31:47) Brutal. (31:47) I know we both got to jump. (31:49) Believe in yourself more or less depending.(31:52) Huh? (31:53) What's the, what's the five second version of how to get unstuck? (31:57) If you think it's all going to work out, no matter what you do, you're over five and you need to be humbled and you need to get your shit together and you got to get to work.(32:06) If you feel like it's not going to work, no matter what you do, you need to doubt yourself less. (32:11) Fail forward. (32:11) Give it a shot.(32:12) Give it a shot. (32:13) Get some evidence. (32:14) Give it a shot.(32:14) Start small and build. (32:16) Start small and build that. (32:17) Aim too high.(32:18) You get humble pie. (32:19) Aim too low. (32:21) You never grow.(32:22) I still think aim super low to start. (32:26) The best way to build belief is to win the game. (32:31) You got to win the game or you got to win a round or you got to score a goal or whatever it is.(32:35) Right? (32:35) Like imagine if I had a little kid, little Kevin, and I'm trying to teach him soccer. (32:38) And every time he kicks it, I just booted over the fence.(32:40) Not today, son. (32:41) Like that's not going to work. (32:44) That kid's number one is going to hate me and he's not going to believe he's good at soccer.(32:47) But if I let him score on me, if I let him score on me a couple of times, I might get a little arrogant. (32:52) Then, you know, I got to make a couple saves. (32:56) Keep them at five.(32:56) Yeah, that's a fair assessment. (32:58) Keep them at five. (32:59) All right.(32:59) We got to hop. (32:59) As always, we love you. (33:00) We appreciate you.(33:01) Grateful for each and every one of you. (33:02) Coach with Alan. (33:03) Reach out.(33:04) All the happy jazz. (33:06) All the stuff that we usually say at the end. (33:09) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.(33:14) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (33:17) Next Level Nation. (33:19) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University.(33:23) We love connecting with the Next Level family. (33:25) We mean it when we say family. (33:27) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly.(33:31) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (33:34) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.