The 5 Pillars Of Clarity (2382)

Clarity changes everything. In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down why so many people stay stuck, not because they lack ambition, but because they are building their future on vague standards, borrowed beliefs, and unclear priorities. They explain how clarity shapes self-awareness, decision-making, identity, and long-term growth, and why progress becomes harder when you keep chasing goals that are not truly your own.

If your life feels full but off course, this episode will help you think with more precision, choose with more intention, and stop mistaking movement for momentum. Hit play before your old habits start pretending they know what’s best.

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Show notes:
(3:59) Choose the paradigm at the center of your life
(14:01) Pick your primary sport and accept the trade-offs
(18:14) Identity and elimination create real clarity
(22:05) Know what truly motivates your decisions
(25:32) Get clear on your craft and long-term future
(30:36) Measure fulfillment and regret
(43:35) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Okay, we did an episode on clarity and we talked about how you essentially have to have belief before clarity and this whole thing (0:07) But at the end of the episode I said hey (0:09) we should really do an episode on like what are the (0:10) Five most important things that you need to be clear on to have a next level future and today we are gonna discuss that (0:17) Clarity is underneath (0:20) Being discerning and you have to be discerning to be successful.(0:23) These are the five welcome to next level University (0:26) I'm your host Kevin Palmieri and I'm your co-host Alan Lazarus at NLU (0:32) We believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers (0:38) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life (0:41) love (0:42) Health and wealth we bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence (0:50) self-belief self-worth (0:52) self-awareness (0:53) relationships boundaries (0:55) Consistency habits in defining your own unique version of success self-improvement in your pocket every day (1:04) from anywhere (1:06) Completely free.(1:07) Welcome to next level University next level nation today for episode number 2382 the five pillars of Clarity so Alan and I discussed this a little bit before we met One reason I don't like to discuss things very deeply before we meet is not because I don't want to do the prep work It's because I want to See what comes up in the conversation That's the goal for me. (1:36) I want this to be a conversation about success next level and in this this case clarity We have some that we outlined but who knows whether or not we'll actually agree on those as we dive deeper Mm-hmm thoughts on that. (1:53) I Feels overly structured Like that's too little and it feels off the rails.(1:59) So I think we like hot sweet spot lately It's been a I hope the listeners agree. (2:04) I think the show has been really good lately what I literally giggled myself When we were talking about film versus movie. (2:13) Mm-hmm, and I said, it's the asshole that's trying to sell it to you I had a good game.(2:16) I was like that is good.

Alan Lazaros

(2:16) That's good stuff. (2:17) That's a good little guy.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:18) That was good Yeah, not to you know, not to I lost it as well Okay, you immediately said one when we were talking about it you said dude one of them has to be this What was the first one that came to mind dream partner? (2:30) So relationship you have to know you have to know whether you want one or not You have to you have to have clarity on Your dream partner and if you don't want a dream partner that you need clarity on that I know maybe not everyone wants to get married. (2:48) I don't know.(2:49) Maybe it's not marriage Maybe it's you know long-term relationship But at the end of the day you have to have clarity on what you want Out of your love life what you want your love life to look like. (2:59) Yeah, I Would say that is that's that one is hard because it requires The more relationships I had where it was like hell no I do not want that at all the more it locked in what I actually did want. (3:14) That's what it is, man That's how clarity that's why failing forward is so important because clarity doesn't come.(3:18) Oh imagine 15 years old. (3:21) I know for me It's gonna be this baby. (3:25) Not a chance.(3:26) Not a chance in hell. (3:27) You you go in the world and you explore you go. (3:30) Nope Mm-hmm.(3:32) Definitely not. (3:33) Oh, that was decent. (3:35) Okay, maybe that's not the one but that's there's something there You got to do that.(3:40) That's why I always joke. (3:42) I said there are no fulfilling marriages at 15 No, not a chance. (3:46) I put money on them.(3:47) Not a not a chance I thought I wanted to get married at 15. (3:52) Probably I thought I probably knew it all at that point, you know, I Don't know anything Not a freaking thing. (3:59) All right, one of my surprise ones was you have to know What type of paradigm you want in your life?(4:08) so We talked about this a little bit a few episodes ago But there's like family centered and I think of the paradigm is the thing that you think is the center of your world. (4:18) I Think I like that. (4:20) I like that that helps me visualize it (4:22) But I knew pretty early on I think in life that like family centered paradigm wasn't my jam (4:29) In terms of like obviously Tara and I family this this household family, but I didn't have a family centered paradigm growing up (4:37) Yeah, so when I got to the age where I can leave the house or whatever it was I for me (4:43) it was like that I'm just gonna go do that because (4:45) It was never instilled in me that we're a very tight-knit family and we do family things together (4:49) We didn't brother.(4:50) We didn't do things that we didn't go to cookouts. (4:53) We didn't do shit like that. (4:54) Like we never did that Yeah, you have family reunions Agreed so naturally it wasn't something that I gravitated towards.(5:02) I think that's super important because Just because you didn't have it doesn't mean you don't want it Yeah, but you got to know like that that goes with a relationship piece too. (5:12) If you're somebody who That's what matters most to you it's if you don't know that you are setting yourself up for a life of regret potentially I have a someone I'm coaching who is potentially headed into a very awesome relationship and I'm excited for them and I said danger zone. (5:36) I know you're listening by the way danger zone When you're not with the girl, you've got to focus on the goals Because the goals is what built you into the man the girl wants And I see him he's in the danger zone.(5:51) He's Focusing more on the relationship than he we've all been there You're focusing more on the relationship than your own personal development. (5:58) Do not fuck that up. (5:59) I'm telling you You are attractive because you have goals That is an attractive quality Maybe not on the surface, but unconsciously and subconsciously The ladies want a man who is driven toward a bigger better brighter future who can provide.(6:18) Okay, so You got to be clear on your dream partner. (6:23) You got it or your love life. (6:24) Boom.(6:25) You got to be clear on your paradigm so we need to describe paradigm better for sure because Yeah, I feel like you have a you have a better definition it's a your belief about Like what is the actual definition? (6:39) You know better than I paradigm is a fancy word for belief system and There's micro beliefs and macro beliefs. (6:50) I'm gonna go brief a micro belief is I believe caffeine is good.(6:54) I (6:55) Concur a macro belief is I (6:59) Believe the purpose of life is to reach my full potential (7:02) That's what's called a growth paradigm (7:05) so (7:06) You've never seen the second Hunger Games movie never seen any of them, unfortunately (7:12) They're phenomenal I've heard great things I just never phenomenal (7:16) Phenomenal, but anyways, so in the second one, I know most people will recognize this catching fire (7:22) The arena is a I'm gonna give it away (7:25) Sure. (7:26) Yeah, whatever. (7:27) The arena is a clock and The center the whole arena is centered around this this clock that that every hour it moves and then there's like a different danger in each section the point that's a good metaphor for like This is the thing that you subconsciously and unconsciously your whole world revolves around So for you and I we don't really care that much about the holidays I love Christmas.(7:51) I do love fairs. (7:52) All right, so you have More of that paradigm than me, but it's not the center of your universe Okay So one of the things that was really hard for me After my car accident is I changed paradigms. (8:08) I Used to have a friend set it used to be achievement first friends second and fun third Probably fun second.(8:17) Okay, but those are my top three. (8:19) So naturally I had a ton of friends. (8:21) I loved at the show friends and High school friends college friends corporate friends and I achieved a lot.(8:28) I Kept the achievement one Achievement is still part of my paradigm the friends and fun. (8:33) It turns out was mostly what I grew up around And I don't have any like any friends anymore really and I think there's a very small part of me that's bothered by that But it would be misaligned for me. (8:49) I care way more about growth and contribution now.(8:51) So my main paradigm now is growth and so my belief about life is that Fulfillment is a byproduct of reaching your full potential and my mission Like we talked about the last episode is to reach my full potential and help others do the same. (9:05) That's a paradigm So these are the different examples of paradigms. (9:08) You got to figure out yours Pleasure centered paradigm just people who want to have a blast all the time Family centered paradigm Kevin already mentioned Work the workaholics of the world work centered paradigm.(9:21) I don't even think that's a bad thing necessarily It depends on what your work is, right? (9:26) Some is is being a mom or being a dad. (9:28) So that's kind of like a subset of family paradigm.(9:31) There's a bunch of them career career centered paradigm What is the and here's the thing about this you have to be fucking honest people in the past you said like you just don't care about friendships and it's like No No, I do. (9:50) I just don't care about friendships more than my dreams and I had to admit that to myself. (9:57) That was hard for me It's like what a prick you care more about your goals and dreams than your friends.(10:03) Yes, I Am now at a place where I can admit that to myself and to others if anyone out there watching or listening you've got to be honest with yourself like I Was telling myself a story and I at 26 when I got in that car accident I realized that my paradigms were not my own. (10:21) I inherited them from my mom and my stepdad and then at 26 I freed myself from that horse shit and By horse shit, I maybe that is yours for me. (10:31) It wasn't I adopted it.(10:33) It's what I grew up in. (10:34) I adopted it It's not mine. (10:36) This one is mine There are many like it but this one is mine.(10:39) That's how it should feel It should feel like this is my paradigm. (10:42) Not the conditioned one. (10:44) I grew up around and To your point you you mentioned the family thing.(10:49) I (10:49) Had to go explore what it would be like in a family paradigm to realize that okay, that really isn't it for me (10:56) Because growing up I lost a lot of people growing up families (11:03) issues and (11:04) The the shortest version of it is I lost three families at time I was 14 and there's a big story to that but (11:10) Family paradigm was never gonna be you and eyes, but we needed to experience what it was like to realize that I (11:18) Enjoy it like I'm very close with Emilia's family, but it's not my Center (11:24) What's a better eyes but good is the Center so so for me (11:30) Maybe that will change when I have children.(11:32) We'll see But I'm not like super pumped about You know big get-togethers with extended family. (11:39) That's never been that's never really filled my cup. (11:44) I Feel like I have a success centered one more than I ever realized because so much of what I've done It's just like reckless towards success What I just wonder where you think you have it you you evolve into it It's a is it a result of something because I can see like a different I don't know.(12:06) I can see a different version of myself. (12:07) That was like way more family centered Potentially, I think it comes down to whether or not you'd be fulfilled. (12:16) I Don't know.(12:17) It's so hard for me No, I don't think I would be as fulfilled but like imagine if I didn't do this podcast thing Like I wouldn't and I was I had a success paradigm I think family would probably be a close second Yeah, because what I'm what I wasn't getting from In terms of fulfillment from the the journey and the grind and success I'd want from somewhere else I probably get that from family. (12:41) Well, the key here is for everyone listening Kevin and I included You get one life You said to me you don't care about friendships While back, you don't care about friendships as much as other people and I said I might care about friendships more than other people However, I care about my goals and dreams at such an alarmingly higher extent So it's it's it's the order of importance. (13:07) It's priority order all of these paradigms like dude (13:10) I have a career centered paradigm, of course (13:13) Right and admission mission is one of them mission centered paradigm (13:17) That's like the mother Teresa's the Mahatma Gandhi's of the world (13:22) You've got to choose you got here's the thing (13:24) Fulfillment is the fulfillment and regret and I know we got to move on to the other pillars (13:29) But if you're super fulfilled like I wouldn't be fulfilled (13:34) without a (13:35) mission, I know because I wasn't and (13:39) And so everyone has to decide for themselves.(13:42) I think a lot of people are Telling themselves a story about themselves the story you tell yourself about yourself I have for sure and and that is gonna you're gonna design a life. (13:52) That's not really yours You're gonna design a life based on what you think you want. (13:56) Not what actually fulfills you and I that's a whole nother episode It is a whole nother episode.(14:01) All right, so we get we did to next Sport Sport, so, how are you going to move your body and stay physically fit slash active slash healthy? (14:12) Yeah, what's your sport? (14:16) You ever well, I can't imagine it being anything other than bodybuilding I Can but no, no, no, no somebody asked me the other day they were like, I'd really love to start martial arts And I was like, that's awesome.(14:35) I love it. (14:35) Mm-hmm, and they said you why'd you stop? (14:38) I mean you didn't you didn't want to do it and I said cuz I honestly I felt like I had to pick one I do I have to pick one.(14:42) I can't do you can't so here's the here's the thing You have to pick one. (14:47) That's the center and then the other ones revolve around it Art so I'm a I'm a Fitness fanatic in terms of weight training and I also run. (15:00) I'm not a runner who also weight train Those are two very different things.(15:03) Yes, and for me I said the reason I stopped going to jujitsu is because there's very specific times where you can go I Can exercise whenever I want I can't it's very hard for me to be on somebody else's schedule When it comes to my physical activity because I it's not super sustainable for me. (15:20) It's also a paradigm by the way freedom paradigm That is a big one for me for sure. (15:24) I know that drives a lot of what you do and don't do That's a big one for me.(15:27) I don't Not that I don't I like it I liked going to classes and I enjoyed that but it's like I can't oh, it's 10 o'clock too bad I can't I can't be fucking rolling around Sweating on somebody else at 10 o'clock when there's clients texting me I can't do that's because the the success is more important to you than rolling around Right This all comes down to priority order. (15:48) Yeah, and I think that that's a very mature conversation When you're young you want to believe at least I did you want to believe you can do it all I had that for sure Yeah, it's like I can snowboard and play basketball and be good at table tennis and billiards and I can party and I can be successful and and and it's like not a fucking chance. (16:12) No way like but again, we did that episode not long ago where Some people have to believe they can be They need to say yes to more things because they don't believe enough in themselves and other people believe they can do whatever So it's hard to choose So now we've got sport pick your sport and then it's I still I'm gonna play basketball.(16:35) I'm still going to swim I'm still gonna run. (16:37) I'm just that's not my thing. (16:41) I'm not a runner who weight trains I'm a weight trainer who also runs.(16:45) That's the key syntax matters. (16:48) Why don't you what why don't you identify as a bodybuilder? (16:56) the steroids There's very few bodybuilders who aren't who are still natural athletes So it's hard for me not to mention.(17:05) I'm focused on longevity. (17:06) These bodybuilders are not I mean these a lot of these bodybuilders just statistically speaking. (17:10) I'm gonna die very young the The steroid use is insane.(17:16) It's it's excessive. (17:17) It's gotten really it's gotten really excessive and your your heart can't handle that shit, man, and So I have trouble identifying as a bodybuilder because I know the implications of that identity Yeah, well, I don't want to be too big to wipe my own ass. (17:34) I mean this is This is ridiculous with some of these guys.(17:37) I think it's it's excessive. (17:39) It's too much. (17:39) That's my truth I watched a video yesterday with what the world's strongest man at one point But he won world's strongest man like nine times, you know different guy and He was talking about his like cycle.(17:53) There's a there's like this new thing called enhanced games where like everybody takes steroids I think it's super cool because they're gonna do research and figure out like what actually happens to you So it's fucking pretty reckless honestly, but it is I mean, yeah, it's we're in a weird time There's like 14 year old kids jumping on steroids. (18:09) It's fucking insane. (18:10) Yeah, and that's different conversation Yeah, it is different.(18:14) I appreciate the question. (18:15) And and this also comes down to identity you bring up identity All of this clarity comes back to you. (18:22) Like what are these five things have to do with?(18:25) They have to do with who you are and your uniqueness all of us Play sports all of us exercise all of us fall in love all of us have careers, but what's your career? (18:37) What's your person? (18:38) What like that's got to be where we go, which is You gotta be yeah clarity on that if you're not clear like clarity it's it sounds like oh, I know now No it you watched it.(18:52) What episode 784 or something something like that I watched episode 25 you had a glass of whiskey in your hand. (18:58) We were on some couch (19:00) it's your couch, but I (19:03) Mean we had so much less clarity back then (19:05) Like I was listening to myself and I I could feel I could see I could feel I could think I could (19:11) understand how little I understood compared to now and (19:15) I I don't think I understood less than other people my age by any means, you know (19:19) But I definitely didn't have this level of clarity (19:23) because you just I mean put 11 years on of (19:27) just (19:28) experimenting and (19:30) Getting more feedback.(19:31) It's like okay. (19:32) I'm never doing that again. (19:33) That's done.(19:34) That's done now I don't know. (19:36) That's one of my things and I think that this is a good insight for everybody Get really good at elimination It's like I remember I went to dinner with somebody This is years and years and years ago, and I remember on the way home. (19:51) I was so sad I just listened to like sad music and I just cried and and I was like, that's the last time I'm gonna see that person That's the end because every time I see them I regret it So I got a I wish I wish I had infinite time Yeah, I wish if I had infinite time I'd go get dinner with them again Never again.(20:12) I remember thinking like that's the end. (20:14) That's it. (20:14) You got to mourn the loss in advance Okay, and that's what this is.(20:17) By the way, you know, you're not gonna play 16 sports That would be a good one is like water What are the trade-offs you're willing to make and one of the trade-offs you're not willing to make? (20:27) That would be a really dude That would be a really good one Because I think some people end up regret I think some people get into whatever it is that they want to do and They lose sight of character and they do some shady shit that you can never you can never put that back Well to the bodybuilder thing. (20:47) It's like who's the guy who died at like 26 over?(20:50) That's the heart attack Dallas McCarver. (20:52) There's so many so many dude. (20:53) It's like you gotta figure they regret it.(20:56) I Don't know and and and maybe they say they don't right. (21:00) It's like who's the really famous one? (21:02) Richie Anna.(21:03) Oh, yeah Rich Piana Ronnie Coleman Ronnie Coleman. (21:08) Yeah, you know, he's limping on stage like he doesn't regret it But how do you know that's not ego? (21:13) And again, I don't know I don't know at the end of the day.(21:16) Everyone has their thing it but I think a lot of that's ego. (21:20) I Think if they were really vulnerable and honest, they'd say yeah, I I I didn't live an optimal life. (21:26) I Made some sacrifices I can never take back I don't know man, because some of the people I followed literally would talk about it.(21:33) Like there was a guy I followed for a while who like just ran steroid tests on himself. (21:39) He's like this is terrible Like I'm not gonna be here for a long time What do you he he? (21:45) Talked about it openly.(21:46) He told people about and he I think he made it to like 30. (21:49) He died at like 30 It's crazy Crazy, but bodybuilding his mom and dad were professional bodybuilders His girlfriend was a professional bodybuilder. (21:58) All of his friends were but it's like I don't I Don't know.(22:02) It's weird. (22:03) It's weird. (22:04) Okay on a more positive note.(22:05) You have to figure out what motivates you That was one of the ones that I said you have to know what your M of motivation is So, let's see if I can do this without butchering it mastery So getting really good at stuff you want to be the best in the world at something. (22:18) That is what motivates you Okay, that's obviously going to shift your paradigms. (22:21) That's one Movement slash freedom That's mine being able to do what I want when I want even though I can't I can actually do less of what I want What I want now that I ever have it.(22:30) It feels like I could do more. (22:31) No, no, that's not true You can't know what you don't Know cuz I can't But you can't Know cuz all this would die That's okay Doesn't mean that's okay. (22:42) Of course it does.(22:43) I had an argument with one of my clients recently She's like no, that's not an option. (22:46) I said no no, but it but it is You've convinced yourself it's not well, yeah, but like good I could jump off a building and that's my boy. (22:54) That's my point It is an option.(22:56) You are making that choice. (22:57) I'm and again, I'm not what that's not what the episode's about I just you could do whatever you want today If I was willing to deal with the repercussions Exactly fair. (23:08) Yeah the trade-offs All right You have more freedom than you used to dude you used to have to be on a certain job site at a certain time I realize you're still have that a little bit but like it's not the same No, it's not instead of instead of five days a week.(23:20) It's six and a half now, so it's gone No, it is the best. (23:24) I very very clearly. (23:26) Yeah, very very clearly.(23:27) I love this. (23:28) All right movement freedom Mastery get really good at something Meeting slash romance Alan doesn't like that. (23:34) He wants it to be marriage But like there are some people out there that are just super driven by the sex They are attracted to and they're not thinking about marriage.(23:42) They're thinking about boning and yeah I'm not gonna say you have to get married today, you know, they're not gonna do that forever Look, man, Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the greatest actors of our time. (23:51) He is a I Won't even speak on it. (23:55) He that man has problems for sure Leo I'm sorry, if you listen to this podcast, but you gotta figure it the fuck out.(24:01) Yeah, he's not getting married. (24:03) I Think Leonardo DiCaprio is gonna get married. (24:06) I'm just saying you you literally just proved my point Next-level University is supposed to stand for what's best for you.(24:13) Not I concur and Yeah, maybe you don't want to get married but mating Look man, I don't fucking I tried to find a better M that we know If you have a good M Instagram DM us. (24:27) Yeah, Instagram. (24:27) Yeah, so that's one mission That's that's a very very big one.(24:33) Is that all five my missing one movement mastery mission mating Money money you forgot money money slash materials materials and I said, yeah money slash materials nice homes nice cars That's a big one. (24:46) That's a big one for me. (24:47) That's a big one for me I got to have clarity on that.(24:49) Okay, so we're gonna wrap this up. (24:51) Yeah, we got sport sport Relationship relationship. (24:56) Yep.(24:57) Yep Love life we'll call that Which I am what motivates you most? (25:03) Motivation which we will put a digital asset in the show notes 5ms of motivation. (25:08) They're all descriptions boom Paradigm sport.(25:12) I already said sport paradigm paradigm fuck and paradigm one more one more. (25:16) Didn't we have one more? (25:18) No Maybe maybe we did but we're gonna give a bonus.(25:22) I Don't think we did have one more. (25:25) I Think paradigm screwed it up because we talked about career and all that's true. (25:28) Well, you said you career You got to know your thing.(25:32) This was the last episode So if you haven't listened to last episode go back and listen to it You have to have clarity on what it is that you are going to contribute to the world You have to have clarity on your craft. (25:42) I get a heavy one Okay, I got a heavy one. (25:46) And again, you don't have to do anything You it would benefit us all from a level of clarity to know how long you want to live on this fucking planet Yeah agreed because that is going to change everything and you have to set that knowing it's not guaranteed Nothing is guaranteed, but you increase your chances.(26:04) There was a study that was done Where they had two groups and one of them had really positive views of aging One of them had really negative views of aging seven and a half years longer Seven and a half years longer. (26:17) That's more than smoking drinking. (26:19) It's your positive relationship with aging and (26:23) What they found is that people who believe that aging will make their life better (26:27) Invest in longevity they do things now for the bigger better brighter future (26:32) it makes perfect sense if you believe in it more if you believe in your long-term more you're gonna invest in it more and (26:40) Then you're gonna achieve more and and so (26:42) Emily and I are preparing now for our 40s 50s 60s 70s. (26:46) Like I I genuinely think about that every day Right.(26:50) There are things I did today. (26:51) Like if I was only gonna live one more year, I'd I'd live very differently. (26:57) I A lot lately, I was still I still think I'd be on this fucking podcast, baby I might you might have to pull me off here.(27:04) No, I'd be spending time with Amelia, right? (27:06) you got to understand and again, I have people that I know that are dealing with terminal illnesses like They're not supposed to be Investing 50 years from now. (27:17) They're supposed to be getting taking care of this now and that I know that's a heavy one But yeah, I think that's you've got a I would say have a goal Have a goal Maybe you want to live 200 maybe a the average life expectancy right now is 80.(27:33) It's a little higher for women But globally it's 80 in Japan. (27:36) It's higher in certain countries. (27:38) It's lower but 80 is a good thing to shoot for at least and It's not just about getting to 80.(27:45) It's about the quality of life along the way. (27:48) I Don't want to be frail when I have children I don't want to be frail when I'm 60 like I want to prepare for that now, okay Last piece the craft. (28:01) So we're giving a bonus actually because this is six.(28:04) Okay sport love life mortality M's M's motivation paradigm paradigm and craft You speak on craft, I don't I when I hear craft I think mac and cheese craft macaroni cheese I I don't for me. (28:24) It's not a it's like profession Okay, crime craft never never resonated with me Okay, what is your profession? (28:32) I'm a podcaster.(28:34) Okay. (28:34) How do you get better at that? (28:36) Do a million episodes all the episodes more episodes than anybody has ever done.(28:40) No, no deliberate practice deep practice. (28:43) Yeah Yeah, what are you trying to get better at right now in podcasting? (28:48) As I said this to you before flowing more Making it a conversation about success as opposed to like coming in and having to know What are the fives like I want to have an idea, but I want to be able to talk about what the five are Mm-hmm.(29:01) I just want I want to be more of a conversationalist than a podcaster and whatever your craft or profession is You have to create look up deliberate practice. (29:10) There's bullet points. (29:11) Some people get worse over time There's a study about surgeons getting better over time because necessity is so high You can't kill patience like you have to be you get immediate feedback Amelia and I in the gym we give each other immediate feedback Not so much that we kick ourselves out of flow, but so much that we get better Immediate feedback is really important.(29:32) That's why coaching is so valuable. (29:33) You have someone I actually said this to Amelia in the car today We got home from the gym. (29:38) I said, I'm so grateful to have a peak performance partner every day Every day, I have a peak performance partner.(29:43) She was on the treadmill right next to me hammering It's like this would suck I remember when I used to do this shit alone that that used to fucking suck I mean, it was still better than not doing it, but it's not even close to what it is now. (29:54) So I can't imagine I'd be a very good surgeon Definitely not. (30:00) I left my I leave golf clubs all the time on like the whole Like the past years.(30:06) Yeah all the time. (30:08) I'd be the guy like, oh my god, where's my fucking scalpel? (30:11) Oh my god Still in the patient Dropped it The abdominals got to get it back and we're not making light of This is a joke, this is a joke you see like the patient like walking out it's got like the scalp on the back of their There it is, what do you know in the patient's head out of all these what do you think's the most important one?(30:36) We we're not gonna get two episodes that paradigm we can we can go a little bit longer. (30:39) I think paradigms most important. (30:41) Yeah Paradigm, what do you believe in?(30:44) This is my philosophy. (30:45) I remember there was a time in my engineering school when Greg first names only Greg. (30:50) He's like I'm taking philosophy.(30:51) I remember being like why? (30:53) He's like that's exactly it. (30:55) That's the question Greg.(30:57) No. (30:57) No, it's the question. (30:58) Oh Greg Greg was a deep dude Greg is a deep dude.(31:01) I worked with him at cognacs as well Get a hell of a referral bonus for that, but he was always deep. (31:10) He was existential He thought about why I'm doing what I do and and paradigm is Most Statistically speaking a lot of people are on autopilot. (31:25) I Said this to a client I said, I've never once done something and not first thought about why I'm doing it And she's like people do that all the time, of course they do it.(31:36) Well, I I think I was being playful. (31:39) I'm sure there's times I do that. (31:40) Of course, like I'm not I'm not thinking about everything I'm doing at all times, but very rarely.(31:45) Am I not analyzing my behavior? (31:48) You know, what one of my favorite things about this journey is most of the things that you've been doing for most of your life I have it That's like one of my favorite things why? (31:57) Because it gives me a perspective that you don't have can't have yeah.(32:01) Yeah, and that you would never get I Know that's and I really and I would never I would never get yeah, I would I I know When I've crossed chasms where it's like, oh, I think differently now I didn't think like that before I can actually think like I can think that what I'm doing with our finances Like I'm in control this and it's incredible. (32:24) That's dude that you need to teach that Look look what you just said, how easy would that be for you to sell? (32:32) I can't sell it like that Oh my god, I'm so shocked that I'm dialed in.(32:36) Can you imagine? (32:38) Well tune in tomorrow for the next level financial course. (32:42) It's only three easy payments of 997 dollars million dollars million bajillion, but it's just it's a but don't you see why you have to be that I Do I do because you have very you can build a bridge Yes, yeah to what was versus what is now dude I've never not tracked my numbers and things I do like my mile time 727 Was my last one like when I was a little kid.(33:13) I I knew my GPA. (33:14) I knew my you know what I mean? (33:16) I I don't I Can't say oh, I Started tracking things you my whole life transformed.(33:23) It's like dude What? (33:26) I'm the opposite. (33:27) I'm like, I can't believe people wing it.(33:29) I remember when I was at Cognex speaking of Greg we track everything It's a CRM system. (33:34) You track everything you're in sales and it was easy because I just knew I was winning. (33:39) I was at the top chart like Okay, I guess I'm gonna you know, you don't you don't have to be all in you just have to be you Let me explain this better Everything of high value has a scoreboard the box office the NBA the NFL You you don't how do you know what's valuable if there's no price tag?(34:06) There's no scoreboard. (34:07) There's no metrics like in video games How do you know who's the best statistics in baseball? (34:12) How do you know who's the best statistics in football?(34:15) How do you know who's the best statistics like there's no meaning when you take away the numbers? (34:21) There's no there's no there's no way to measure it like how do you know what this house is worth? (34:25) Can you imagine?(34:26) Well, what's the square footage? (34:27) I don't know When was it built? (34:29) No idea Right.(34:32) It's like is it 1950s or 2007 or like well, it's got Cathedral ceilings. (34:38) Okay, how much what's the square footage? (34:41) Uh, Enough anywhere between one and six thousand enough.(34:45) It's like you everything is numbers everything Everything of value is numbered like how do you know the difference? (34:52) Why did IMDb have ratings 8.5 on IMDb like it means something so that's different I would push back though. (34:59) I could I this is taken out of context.(35:01) You can't say nothing. (35:03) What did you what did you say? (35:06) Numbers give meaning.(35:07) Yeah, that's bullshit. (35:08) I don't agree with that Well, we gotta have a conversation. (35:11) What's what's the number in relationships?(35:14) Are you kidding me you I'm sure you have but I'm saying like how do you measure you? (35:19) It's just John Gottman.

Alan Lazaros

(35:20) Sure. (35:20) Sure. (35:21) Sure.(35:21) Sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:21) Tommy that I know don't sure sure me.

Alan Lazaros

(35:24) Hold on. (35:24) Hold on.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:24) Hold on Hold on you and Emilia watching a movie. (35:27) Yeah, not talking Mm-hmm. (35:30) There's meaning to that.(35:31) Of course there is but what are the fucking number? (35:33) What are the numbers? (35:35) Quality time fulfillment compared to with my ex that I well, yeah, but are you tracking that you yes, of course I am but I'm but what all I'm saying is you how do you know what to do and what not to do if you Don't track anything.(35:47) I Just don't my point see you are measuring it whether you know it or not. (35:50) Your emotional experience is a measurement zero to ten How fulfilled are you today? (35:55) Today was a terrible day.(35:56) Not really Seven today. (35:58) Okay, nice. (35:59) So so how much more fulfilled are you with Taryn than your past partners the infinite numbers?(36:05) Okay, so what do you just stumble upon? (36:08) This is the all I'm saying, let me build a fucking bridge here. (36:11) All I'm saying is If you're out there, you might not be equating it like that Agreed.(36:18) Yeah, you might not be thinking are unconsciously though. (36:21) All right, let me let me sit down here Okay, let me write this out. (36:25) I only spent five hours today.(36:26) I give that a six cool Intimacy last night was great. (36:30) Give that a nine ten, baby Yeah, and then this that's all I'm saying is but that's what people are doing unconsciously. (36:36) That's what the brain does yes, but unconscious we got to build a bridge to Yeah, it's a making it a practice.(36:42) So so Well, I'm glad you said that and I wasn't trying to shush I wasn't I know I know I just Do John Gottman bid system was taught to me by your wife. (36:51) I want to suggest that yeah Yeah, and that's all like relationships. (36:56) I coach couples.(36:58) We have number like What's zero to ten? (37:01) How humble is your partner? (37:02) There's a big one if you're all I'm saying is you got to build a bridge like if you're listening and you know Who dr.(37:09) John Gottman is you are ahead of the curve like you are in the 1% like most people don't know who that person is You're not very well known You know, I mean, yeah, so like you had Very very very well, we can do Yeah, I mean they could predict divorce with 94% accuracy. (37:29) I'm just listening right now I'm I was I went back to sales, but I was listening to us the seven Seven somethings of making marriage work. (37:39) Dr. John gotten Incredible. (37:41) It's great. (37:41) Great Boring a shit. (37:44) Yeah, if you're disrespectful once you have to do five positive things just to get it up for neutral Yeah, the bid system the bid system.(37:53) Look it up. (37:53) If you haven't heard of it, look it up. (37:54) It's great Relationship game-changer.(37:56) All right. (37:56) What's your what's your summary here? (38:00) Huh, okay One of the ways to get clarity is measuring things So obviously, I'm the very I'm on the very high end of this.(38:10) I know it's gotta go back to he's gonna I got a laugh. (38:13) No, no, no, it's not that it's it's that is my takeaway because you're right, dude. (38:18) I I Do think that your life is entirely subjective like if you take away numbers you take away the Internet you take away Phones cameras you take away bridges you take away Statistics you take away sports you take everything's gone when numbers are gone everything your backdrop was built in a factory that has number like Physics chemistry numbers.(38:43) This is all so it's not my opinion Like how do you know if a business is successful? (38:49) the numbers baby the numbers Can you listen to successful business without knowing the number? (38:54) Yes Can you?(38:57) Maximize the success of a business. (38:59) No knowing the numbers now So so you fly in an airplane you got an altitude you got wind speed, right? (39:07) everything if nothing comes of this episode you have to learn how to measure your own level of fulfillment and Regret if your regret is at a ten and your fulfillments at a zero stop doing that shit If your fulfillments at a ten and your regrets at a zero do more of it, baby And then ride that as much and then go.(39:29) Okay. (39:29) I'm doing too much, right? (39:31) You should always be Your emotional guidance system is supposed to be optimized for the best life possible.(39:38) It is it's doable It's as an engineer. (39:41) This is like a the human condition brain body mind heart soul it all aligns Like how do you how do you determine quality of life zero to ten? (39:51) How high is your quality of life?(39:53) Some people have a terrible quality of life but they think it's good because they're around a bunch of people with a terrible one and all they've ever had is a terrible one so like How do you know what to do and not do if you're not measuring things just the only wrong answer is to not measure anything That would have been a good one too is like what are the most important things to measure? (40:10) Well, we could do an episode on that for sure You sure you still want to no, I don't I'll do it for you out there whether you're watching or listening No, I think I think it's super Again dude, again, I don't this isn't to hype myself up, but I've been measuring my weight for a long time I don't think it's a coincidence that and for a long time. (40:27) I wasn't measuring almost anything else.(40:28) So the coconut milk Huge. (40:34) Oh, we can we should pick on me for that. (40:37) I don't know.(40:37) I'm not saying we'd pick it Yeah, I said you can you can tell the story if you so choose. (40:41) This is the value of numbers Emily and I have started creating making coke and creating making coconut rice. (40:48) It was bomb Unbelievably good a little bit of sea salt.(40:54) Oh Unbelievable and I thought Almond milk is probably like what 80 calories per cup. (41:04) It's maybe 120 depending which one is 30 I knew it was calories. (41:09) Okay, it wasn't that stupid I knew there was calories, but I was thinking maybe 150 per cup max 400 per cup we did two cups per evening That's for like I figured out why my 10 pound in 10 week challenge is needing me to run all these miles the truth of the matter is This we did this for like a week and a half What is that at least a pound of coconut milk for me 400?(41:39) Per night for a week and a half. (41:40) We'll call that seven eight nine Ten days ten days ten times four hundred four thousand calories. (41:45) There's a pound right there.

Alan Lazaros

(41:46) Mm-hmm.

Kevin Palmieri

(41:47) I have eaten a pound worth of Coconut milk in my rice without even knowing it because I wasn't measuring and That was unintelligent You were measuring the wrong thing. (42:00) You're measuring the taste When Alan was like dude, it's so good. (42:03) I immediately was like something is wrong when he did you really think 41 grams of fat?(42:08) That's like that I didn't know coconuts had that in it that's I knew coconuts did and if you were getting like the thick coconut milk, it's I was I Assumed it was like able to be poured out of a jug not like thick. (42:23) You know, it was thick. (42:25) Yeah just a dash of sea salt and 40 G's of fat that'll do That'll yeah, the rice cooker is going right now only water just it will be dead.(42:37) Yeah devastating It's gonna be devastating but it is what it is. (42:40) I love the truth is I I know you don't like to pick on me That's not what I think pick on was a wrong word. (42:45) You don't really don't like to pick on people I understand.(42:47) I understand either do I I don't want to be disrespectful. (42:50) I Need everyone to know I think that was idiotic That was genuinely idiotic of me. (42:57) I Was just winging it Imagine listen, that was a week and a half.(43:02) What if I went a year? (43:04) If I went a year how many pounds would that be you'd be running 10 miles a day. (43:08) That's what I'm saying See one miscalculation Can destroy your goals?(43:14) All right squad if you want to make sure you achieve your goals We have many different opportunities for you Whether it's Alan's coaching the dreamliner next level nation Which Alan and I are back in cranking shoutouts all of you for being patient while we fuck that up But we're back. (43:27) I promise a bunch of different places for you to get to the next level (43:30) So if you're interested to reach out to Alan and or myself directly or visit next level universe comm as always we love you (43:36) We appreciate you grateful for each every one of you and if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to (43:40) The next level make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there (43:44) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential next elimination (43:49) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level University. (43:53) We love connecting with the next level family We mean it when we say family if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes. (44:04) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow