Kevin Palmieri
(0:00) Would you rather somebody lie to you to make you feel better about starting something (0:07) and pull the wool over your eyes a little bit because they know if they tell you the truth (0:12) you're not actually going to do the thing or would you rather somebody sit you down and say
Alan Lazaros
(0:15) hey this is exactly how it works good luck yeah transparency is super important understanding (0:22) it's like a magician on stage once you know the trick behind the curtain it's not as impressive
Kevin Palmieri
(0:28) but then you can replicate it welcome to next level university i'm your host kevin palmary (0:34) and i'm your co-host alan lazarus at nlu we believe in a heart-driven but no bs approach (0:41) to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers our goal with every episode is to help you level (0:46) up your life love health and wealth we bring you a new episode every single day on topics like (0:55) confidence self-belief self-worth self-awareness relationships boundaries consistency habits (1:03) and defining your own unique version of success self-improvement in your pocket every day
Alan Lazaros
(1:10) from anywhere completely free welcome to next level university next level nation today for
Kevin Palmieri
(1:20) episode number 2387 this lie about rejection can help or hurt you okay this can be a quick episode (1:26) i don't think this episode should be super long anyway honestly so this will be a quick one (1:31) i was listening to a book and it was all about sales and one of the biggest things that is (1:35) talked about in sales is overcoming the fear of rejection you're going to get rejected people (1:40) are going to say no blah blah blah and in this book which i'm not going to name because i do (1:44) think it's a positive it's a net positive i learned a lot it was good but in this book he said when you (1:50) start getting rejected you should be excited because that means you have a really good idea (1:54) and i was like whoa whoa whoa whoa i'm all for every rejection is one step closer to i'm not (2:03) all for i'm partially for every rejection is closer one step closer to yes but there is no (2:12) logic behind yeah when you start getting rejected you should know you have a really good idea that's (2:16) the dumbest shit i've ever heard my entire life and then they go into like colonel sanders was (2:22) rejected a thousand times before you want to jump off this bridge with me yeah like no you're
Alan Lazaros
(2:28) supposed to say no yeah no it's a really good idea though that means it's a good idea yeah it's a good (2:32) idea there's layers to all these things i know even though this this no is one closer step to (2:38) to a yes yeah if you change your approach right and or your product it's not guaranteed
Kevin Palmieri
(2:44) yeah it's not guaranteed i don't that always so so here this is the there's the the meta (2:50) lesson that i want to talk about and the the greater one would you rather have the truth up (2:56) front if i sat you down and just said like look you're gonna get rejected a bunch and one of the (3:02) reasons you get rejected is probably because you're gonna be like dog shit at this at first (3:05) and that's totally fine you can get better nice but there is no guarantee any of this works no (3:11) matter how good your product like you're gonna get rejected doesn't matter you can have the best (3:15) thing in the world colonel sanders was selling fried chicken it was like fried chicken he got (3:21) rejected all the time or would you rather me sit you down and say alan will use an example like (3:28) alan i know brother i know it sucks i know but think like that rejection was one step closer (3:34) to you getting yes and the fact that you're even getting rejected means you have a really good idea (3:38) that people just can't understand yet that that's the question for you out there in the beginning i (3:43) definitely wanted the second one more of the second one now like please just tell me that i (3:48) suck just if i do just tell me that way i can try to work on it yeah the popping the bubble in
Alan Lazaros
(3:59) advance i sat a client down earlier today and uh sat her down we were on zoom uh she was sitting (4:06) down i'm sure she was sitting down yeah and i said hey we've been coaching together a long time (4:11) and some of the stuff that you wanted me to believe about you in the in the beginning (4:16) i found out is not true at all is there anything else can i just like i told her this i said i (4:22) went back and i i reviewed past events we have next level live coming up and i reviewed some (4:26) past events trying to get some photos i'm gonna make a post and uh i just look back and it's (4:31) she was at some of our events all all of them actually i think and i was like you know i didn't (4:37) really know that you didn't know like everyone acts like they know finance they act like it like (4:46) yeah my finances are dope like you know how everyone acts like and you've told me it's in (4:51) it's very vulnerable to say hey i don't know what i'm doing shit you feel shame you feel shame yeah (4:56) exactly okay um and i i said can we just pop all the bubbles right now so that i can actually (5:03) effectively coach you and i'm like is there anywhere else that you think i think better of (5:10) you than you really are and she's like honestly ironically no because i think i've been popping (5:16) them all lately which is why i feel so fucking terrible i'm kidding she actually did say that (5:20) i'm not kidding but uh we laughed about it we had a good laugh is there anything that you think i'm (5:25) full of shit about that you want to call me out for and she thought for a little while and she was (5:30) like no i said okay i believe in us now more than ever then because nothing is delusional (5:37) this is the best place to start why do you think everyone's life transforms in the movies after (5:42) giant humble pie after the bubble bursts that's when everyone gets back to reality (5:51) back to reality is when you can build something real again my car you know your suicidal ideation
Kevin Palmieri
(5:56) this this is a thing good how do you how do you know i think we we are in a place where (6:01) things are overly affirming i actually got feedback from somebody that feedback (6:07) recognizance for lack of better phrasing they said hey this is in the military yeah this no i (6:12) could not handle that for sure this uh this other ai is just way better because it actually pushes (6:16) back when you have dumb ideas yeah and i was like damn but shout out to you brother i know (6:22) we know who we're talking about claude's yeah yeah it's it's not overly affirming (6:28) yeah it pops your bubble right chat you please not pop your bubble at all it essentially just (6:33) blows it up it's like oh oh my goodness your your partner was mad at you oh my god i can see why you (6:38) cheated on them they yeah they were 15 minutes late for dinner it's like i can you definitely (6:42) felt un un unneeded and and i can totally understand that that like for you it made (6:48) sense to fall into the arms of another person like that makes total sense like no that's dumb
Alan Lazaros
(6:51) that's terrible advice yeah if we ever did personal development comedy that would be it (6:55) that's good stuff man honestly well i think ai is a good learning tool but you have to be very (7:01) careful but robotics is gonna be messed up because to the point yeah good to the point to the point
Kevin Palmieri
(7:08) how is it self-belief like what is what is the determining factor on how much (7:16) truth somebody can handle from your perspective mine is belief
Alan Lazaros
(7:22) yeah probably probably self-efficacy but the paradox here is that you don't build self-efficacy (7:29) okay um there's someone i know who is uh has been offered a 14 000 vacation and and it's it's a (7:38) handout and i'm not interested i was invited um the reason why is because i don't want handouts (7:47) and and this person one of my clients she's like why though and i said because i would (7:53) because handouts don't force you to become the person who can do that now i'm not saying anyone (8:00) who takes any handout or any gift is like that's all fine i got scholarships and financial aid (8:04) when i was going to college like i get it the point that i'm making though is that (8:10) there's a paradox here where you think it's self-belief
Kevin Palmieri
(8:13) but self-belief comes after rock bottom i think self-belief or humility (8:20) with the definition of humility being you already have been honest with yourself about the truth of (8:27) yourself is that what you would define humility as i don't fucking know it changes every day i
Alan Lazaros
(8:32) yeah i'd like it to be but i don't know if it tracks well that's you and i talked recently (8:38) about how delusional people we have trouble with because a lot of times it's ego (8:43) people who just think they're so much better than they really are it must feel real nice (8:48) of course we've all been there it feels good but it's it's you're just waiting for some calamity (8:54) like there's going to be some huge crash i remember i had a facebook photo posted of me (8:58) at a party when i was wasted and that was my wake-up call i've had a million of those someone (9:04) asked me on a podcast earlier awesome show and he said well the car accident was the ego death for you (9:10) and i was like yes but ego deaths are supposed to happen all the time that's what every coaching (9:16) call is it's it's how do i get kevin to realize that he's out of shape if you don't know that (9:22) it's important for you always go in there always no no but you're in great shape now but for a (9:29) while there it was it was looking the trend line was down well yeah but yeah but i was like yeah
Kevin Palmieri
(9:33) no i know man no no i know but hit me with the finance shit you have to tell me i'm out of shape
Alan Lazaros
(9:39) i know that i just did i don't know how broke i am that's the most tangible okay it's the most (9:44) goddamn tangible and also it's like why are you only shitting on kev squad anyone listening i'm (9:50) not shitting on kev number one i've already told him this to his face number two you all know him (9:55) it's not going to be as relevant if i'm like hey mr john smith the third uh one time was kind of (10:02) letting himself go and yeah it's it's not not that's dumb yeah people like why do you talk (10:08) negatively about people i don't i'm using people as an example to learn from and there is two of
Kevin Palmieri
(10:12) us so this is the ref like who am i going to reference if i can reference we gotta reference
Alan Lazaros
(10:16) each other imagine uh john smith the third js3 yep yeah js3 so he one time he you know was under (10:25) the impression that he was jacked and uh he started to he stopped working out when kovat (10:31) happened like completely for like four or five months and just started eating like a dickhead (10:35) right this fucking guy i i fuck with this guy yeah yeah you know this guy obviously you know
Kevin Palmieri
(10:40) who i'm talking about well that's the other issue too is people would be like you're talking about (10:44) kevin aren't you so it would it would make it even worse like you call it's like so i have this friend (10:52) and we'll call him devin yeah we'll call him uh devin devin paul pippin palmarini how does how (11:01) does your friend feel i'm sure i'd say sad sad to semi sad how do you know that have you asked (11:06) them i'm the person i'm the person i have a friend okay what was the point of this episode again i (11:12) know we gotta jump um it was started as the rejection thing right like rejection yeah the (11:19) lie about rejection i think we should probably just do a part two on like delusion the uh how (11:24) much truth is a constructive amount of truth yeah based on where you are yeah well let's each give
Alan Lazaros
(11:31) a takeaway and then we'll we'll transition to that but what i would say is people who are bursting (11:36) your bubble some of them actually are bullies just being pricks okay they they are being (11:41) disrespectful and they're being bullies trying to inflate themselves by putting you down that's a (11:45) real thing some people really care enough about you to tell you like my client i said you make (11:51) terrible financial decisions i'm not trying to be mean i just want you to change (11:56) for you not for me i'm gonna be fine i don't make bad financial decisions i do but not (12:01) in the context of this b what if someone cares about you so much that they would rather (12:09) risk the relationship than see you suffer for another decade you're not gonna fix something
Kevin Palmieri
(12:14) you think is already great mine i heard a song recently i felt i just felt like you find a rapper (12:21) that you just dig and they just crush it and one of the things he said was um essentially i i was (12:27) mad at my mom at the time for telling me i couldn't fly but if she didn't tell me i probably (12:32) would have jumped off the roof and died no and the next line is i essentially i hope i don't clip my (12:38) kids wings where they don't chase their dreams but i also want to tell them the truth that would be (12:43) constructive it's much better than that exists because this person's a really good rapper so (12:46) but that like sometimes you are seemingly clipping people's wings by telling them they (12:52) can't fly but it doesn't mean you can't if they're fake wings you're not clipping their
Alan Lazaros
(12:56) wings that's fair yeah and and there is the other side of that where people actually don't think you (13:02) can do it when you really could so it's part two will be fire part two will be fire make sure you
Kevin Palmieri
(13:06) tune in for part two we've been doing a lot of part twos but i feel like i have been really (13:11) digging the content so hopefully you also have been all right next office uh fitness accountability (13:15) group alan's coaching next level nation master classes book club we got a lot of stuff a lot of (13:20) stuff for you as always we love you we appreciate you grateful for each and every one of you and if (13:24) you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level make sure to tune in tomorrow (13:27) because we will be here every single day to help you get there keep leveling up to reach your full (13:31) potential next elimination thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university we
Alan Lazaros
(13:38) love connecting with the next level family we mean it when we say family if you ever need anything (13:43) please reach out to us directly everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes
Kevin Palmieri
(13:49) thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow
