Ask Yourself This Before Committing (2394)

In this episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros challenge a hard truth about growth. Many people want better results, but stay only half committed so they have something to protect if things go wrong. They break down why people hold back in relationships, goals, and personal development, and how that hesitation quietly slows progress. What feels like caution is often just fear with better branding.

If your effort is not producing the result you want, this conversation will help you think differently about commitment, courage, and the cost of holding back. Press play before “testing the waters” becomes your personality.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:43) Why people hold back
(4:31) Half effort gets half results
(8:50) Celebrate process before progress
(10:45) Risk tolerance and real growth
(13:23) The real risk is playing small
(14:57) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) If at the beginning of this journey, you sat me down and you said, hey Kev, you just started this podcast called the Hyper Conscious Podcast, will it exist in 10 years? (0:10) I don't know if I would have said yes. (0:12) I probably would have said, I hope so.(0:14) But I don't know if I would have been able to give you a very specific answer. (0:18) And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Alan Lazaros

(0:21) Play the long game. (0:23) Long term investors always win. (0:25) And even if you don't identify as an investor, play the long game.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:57) Self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:07) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:13) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:19) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,394, ask yourself this before committing. (1:25) I had a podcast breakthrough session with someone and they were like, honestly, I just started and I want to work with you, but I don't know what I really want. (1:34) And I don't know what direction this is going to go in.(1:36) And I know I need a lot of clarity before I make any decisions. (1:40) So what's your thought process? (1:42) And I said, I'm going to use the old a Lazarus question.(1:45) I said, does this thing, does this podcast, does this YouTube channel exist in three years? (1:50) And she said, oh, I love that question. (1:52) I just got the tingles.(1:53) And I said, good tingles or bad tingles? (1:54) She said, good tingles. (1:55) It'll exist in three years.(1:56) I said, all right, you should take some time, but there's no reason we shouldn't go all in on this. (2:03) And that's a question I got from you. (2:05) Appreciate it.(2:05) I think mine would have been 30 years. (2:07) Most likely. (2:08) Yeah.(2:08) I've dialed it back a bit.

Alan Lazaros

(2:10) I've dialed it back. (2:11) That's why it didn't work. (2:12) I probably would have brought it to five.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:14) Is this something that you see living for centuries and centuries and generations long after you pass on? (2:19) No? (2:20) I don't even think you should start it then.(2:21) I don't know. (2:23) It's a waste of fucking time.

Alan Lazaros

(2:24) That is hilarious. (2:27) That's funny. (2:28) Because that's exactly how I think.(2:31) Is your body of work going to last through the ages? (2:35) Is this going to change your children's children's life? (2:38) Yeah.(2:39) Yeah, it is. (2:39) Well, then don't waste your time. (2:41) Legacy.(2:41) Legacy. (2:42) No, but back to the point of the episode. (2:45) Was on with a client.(2:47) Having some challenges. (2:49) Boom, boom, boom. (2:50) I've been surprisingly, I guess not surprisingly, we coach couples, but we also coach people who are single and dating.(2:58) And it's been fascinating. (3:01) And one of the things that I find is happening all the freaking time in the dating world, in the dating world. (3:06) Interesting.(3:07) In the dating game these days, these youngsters. (3:10) No, but here's what I'm finding happening. (3:13) The uncertainty creates lack of investment.(3:16) So, well, I'm not really sure if this is my person, so I'm going to put my heart out there only at level one and see if they match me at level one. (3:26) It's like, yo, I understand that there needs to be a ladder. (3:32) You're not going to pour your whole heart out on the first date.(3:34) I get that. (3:35) But there reaches a point where it's like, you know what? (3:37) Put your fucking heart on the table and let them stab it in front of you.(3:40) It is what it is. (3:41) At least you can go to bed at night later on in life going, I gave it all I had. (3:46) You can live with no regrets later on because you know you did all you could.(3:50) Yes, I made poor choices. (3:52) Yes, I was not perfect, but I know I gave it all I had. (3:55) And what I'm realizing is, I'll keep this synonymous, but one of my clients, it's, it's, yeah, but he's not that vulnerable.(4:05) Okay. (4:06) How much have you let him get to know you? (4:09) Ah, probably 20%.(4:10) There it is. (4:11) There it is. (4:13) Be vulnerable.(4:15) Take the first step. (4:16) See if what comes of it. (4:18) What's the worst case that happens?(4:19) You get your heart ripped out. (4:20) We've all been there.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:22) I mean, that's, but it's not that easy though.

Alan Lazaros

(4:24) Oh, it's terrible. (4:25) It's awful. (4:26) She's like, last time I was in bed for two days, that might happen again.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:30) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(4:31) But it's better than fucking half assing everything. (4:34) You're never going to know if you have goals and dreams. (4:39) I know I'm excessive.(4:40) I get it, but you got to fucking go all in. (4:43) Otherwise I feel like most people dip their toe in, see if it works out. (4:48) And then it doesn't because dipping your toe in doesn't fucking do anything.(4:51) And then they quit. (4:52) And it's like, Oh, you know, that podcast didn't really work out. (4:56) Of course it didn't.(4:57) You could have gone all in and it still would have taken a decade. (5:00) Like, I think we have it wrong, you know? (5:02) And, and again, I have this, uh, I do miles for mindset now.(5:06) Shout out to Brandon. (5:07) He's the one who started this years and years ago, literally years ago. (5:10) And I'm, I'm thinking I'm 26 days into a mile a day.(5:13) My right knee is fucking bothering me. (5:15) But the point is the mindset. (5:18) I have this compilation on YouTube goat motivation.(5:25) It's Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, like all the Serena Williams, all the best Michael Phelps. (5:30) And it's just like, fuck you. (5:32) That's what I'm talking about.(5:33) None of these people dip their fucking toe in. (5:36) You can't win dipping your toe in. (5:40) You can't, you can't.(5:44) Oh, I'm going to give this coach. (5:45) All right. (5:46) One more thing.(5:47) One more thing. (5:47) I know we got to get a new client. (5:49) Super excited.(5:50) Just signed up. (5:51) I kid you not. (5:52) Her, her message to me was how long do you recommend people do your coaching?(5:57) And I was like, Oh my God. (5:59) I, I think that's the first time anyone's ever asked me that, but I never thought about this. (6:04) That's like saying how long should you exercise forever?(6:09) Always. (6:10) How long should you shower for the rest of your life? (6:13) How long should you be successful forever?(6:15) How long should you track finances forever? (6:16) How long should you be grateful for your partner and for your physique and for your health every day? (6:22) Like, that's why I love this quote.(6:24) I know you don't, or maybe you don't, maybe give your version success can never be owned. (6:28) It's only rented in the rent is due every day. (6:30) I love that.(6:31) I don't, I don't hate it. (6:33) It's so true, right? (6:34) I mean, you and I are the most successful we've ever been by far.(6:37) I can finally say that again. (6:38) It's awesome. (6:39) Okay.(6:40) I don't give a shit. (6:42) We're not done. (6:43) This is the beginning of the beginning of the beginning of the beginning.(6:46) I'm 37, dude. (6:48) I'm 37, right? (6:49) Average life expectancy is 80.(6:51) The point of life is to do all you can with all you have every day. (6:55) And this dip your toe in shit has to go.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:57) It is hard because to your point, one of the things I I've said many times on this show, other shows, behind the scenes coaching calls is one of the reasons I think it's easy to give a purse, a perception of who you are and not show your full authentic self is if something does go wrong, you can say, well, that wasn't me anyway. (7:17) Oh, they didn't not like me. (7:18) They didn't like the facade that I put up.(7:20) And this is very similar. (7:22) If you go all in on something and it doesn't go right, you know, you gave it all and it still didn't work. (7:29) What does that mean?(7:30) Because that's it right there. (7:31) Well, it can mean a lot of things can mean you're not good enough reason.

Alan Lazaros

(7:34) I think people fail, right?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:35) You're not good enough. (7:36) You're not smart enough, all of that stuff. (7:38) And here's the truth.(7:39) Maybe you're not good enough at the thing, right? (7:42) Maybe you're not, I'm not going to be a professional golfer. (7:46) I'm not going to be going back to the rap thing.(7:49) I didn't go all in on it, but like, I'm not going to be a professional rapper. (7:52) I'm not going to be a professional basketball player. (7:55) And the things that I didn't get really good results in, I didn't go all in.(8:01) I wanted to fight mixed martial arts.

Alan Lazaros

(8:02) I didn't go all in. (8:03) I should have gone on rap either. (8:05) I didn't go.(8:05) This is the only thing you've ever gone all in on. (8:07) And what a total shocker. (8:09) It worked out.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:10) I think I got lucky, but I, you know, I kind of do. (8:17) I can't imagine I'd be this. (8:19) And again, it's very humble of me to say it might be the most humble person.(8:22) I can't imagine I would be this good at anything else. (8:26) Why not?

Alan Lazaros

(8:27) If you did 2,400 times, you certainly would, you would hope, but, but that is, that is the issue. (8:33) You've never done anything 2,400 times before. (8:35) If you did mixed martial arts and put as much time, effort and money into mixed martial arts as you did this, of course you'd be good.(8:43) Are you the best in the world?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:44) No, I don't think I thought it would matter enough. (8:47) That's the answer. (8:48) That is, that is the thing I'm telling you.(8:50) This, this is my quote from this episode in the beginning, going back to what we talked about with the dopamine. (8:57) I think it's very similar to this. (8:58) In the beginning, you have to celebrate the process because you can't celebrate the progress because there isn't really progress in the beginning, but you have to, but it's, but it's very minimal and it's almost invisible.(9:09) It's minimal, but you have to know and believe that eventually you can make enough progress to make it worth it. (9:14) It's always, it's always the question of, do you believe it'll be worth it? (9:17) If you don't believe it'll be worth it, even if, even if you don't think you're going to do it, okay, this, this hypothetical example of this person, maybe that's not going to be their end all be all relationship.(9:29) Do you think it would be worth it to be vulnerable and tell them how important it is for them to be vulnerable to you? (9:33) No. (9:34) Okay.(9:34) That's different.

Alan Lazaros

(9:36) But if you think it's worth it, you'll grow because of that for sure. (9:39) That's the thing. (9:40) What's the point?(9:41) And I said this, like, what's the point? (9:42) Is it growth or is it to protect your heart? (9:45) Cause you can spend your whole life protecting your heart and you're never going to, you're never going to get to the deeper parts.(9:50) You're never going to, I went out on a huge limb with Emilia. (9:55) Are you kidding me? (9:56) You deleted the message though.(9:59) A couple of times, right? (10:00) Yeah. (10:00) Yeah.(10:00) It's fair. (10:01) That was you? (10:04) Yeah.(10:05) When, when I asked her originally, not, not after we started dating. (10:08) No, no, no, no. (10:09) But every, every depth was hard though.(10:12) For sure. (10:12) Yeah. (10:12) Like when I asked her to be with, I was so nervous that night we were in Newport at a wedding.(10:15) I kept sneaking off to finish my letter. (10:18) She's like, where the fuck are you going? (10:20) You know, it was, that's a, don't do that.(10:23) She's like, what's going on? (10:24) She found out later, obviously I got her the necklace and a little teddy bear, bing bong. (10:30) And uh, I, I read her the letter, you know, it was really special.(10:33) Uh, but the whole night she was questioning everything. (10:36) Yeah. (10:37) Yeah.(10:37) Everything. (10:38) Exactly. (10:39) This is a great night in Newport.(10:41) But anyways, so, uh, but every one of those is risks.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:44) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:45) Every one of those is risks. (10:46) And I think that that's probably where we'll end. (10:48) Cause I know I gotta go.(10:49) I do think that there's risk tolerance conversation here. (10:52) Like I have a very high risk tolerance. (10:56) I didn't realize.(10:57) And cause genuinely, I don't, I don't see myself very courageous.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:02) Alarmingly high, recklessly high, recklessly high. (11:07) My God. (11:08) We've done things in the past where Alan's like, this is fucking reckless, but it's it.(11:12) Yeah. (11:12) Let's do it. (11:13) I'm excited for this.(11:14) Like, so I, so what you're saying is I should never do this on my own. (11:17) He's like, no, this is terrible. (11:18) This is the dumbest idea ever.(11:20) We should, we shouldn't do this, but I'm ignited. (11:23) It's everything. (11:24) What do you mean?(11:25) Yeah. (11:25) All of this stuff. (11:26) Many financial decisions.(11:28) I know, but calculated risks. (11:29) This, this would be my question for you. (11:31) I don't know if we do this on a separate episode.(11:32) Do you think your risk tolerance is as high with your heart as it is your brain?

Alan Lazaros

(11:36) No, definitely not. (11:37) Oh, interesting. (11:38) No, absolutely not.(11:39) That's why social courage is so hard. (11:41) And I think there's more risk in the social world for me than in the real world. (11:45) Like you don't, you've been a naturally likable, accepted person.(11:51) You have no idea. (11:54) It's like the worst when, when you're the only one in the room that no one likes, it's fucking awful. (11:59) You don't even know what that feels like.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:01) I don't even know if you do. (12:02) I will tell you sometimes when I go places and everybody is a certain energy and a certain vibe, I just don't fit the vibe. (12:09) I'm not saying I'm disliked.(12:10) I just don't fit in.

Alan Lazaros

(12:11) Yeah. (12:12) But being like vehemently disliked. (12:15) Yeah.(12:15) I don't know. (12:15) And villainized. (12:16) It's, it's not fun, but you have to be.(12:19) I've calculated that risk in this episode. (12:21) Worth it. (12:22) It's either that or I don't help anyone transform and I'm inauthentic and I slowly become a shell of myself.(12:27) I've decided that's not for me, but yeah, no, we'll talk more about risk tolerance and like heart versus head. (12:34) And then where, where do you have a high risk tolerance? (12:36) You also have been reckless as hell too, especially physically.(12:40) Physically. (12:40) Yes. (12:40) Yeah.(12:41) Very reckless. (12:41) Physically. (12:42) I've watched you under six plates on each side of the hack squat.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:45) It's not, it's not reckless. (12:47) It's not gambling. (12:47) If you know, you're going to win, baby.(12:49) Well, that's, I could say the same thing, but, and I'm not saying that to be funny either. (12:53) Like I've, I've done the weight before I could go squat three 15 right now. (12:56) Like it's not reckless.(12:58) If you know you can do it. (12:59) Now, if I am 57 years of age and I haven't done that since I was 30, that's reckless, but there was a reckless moment recently with Taryn.

Alan Lazaros

(13:07) You said, um, she was there and you like almost didn't get it up. (13:11) Yeah. (13:12) But even then I would have just almost didn't get the weight up the way I would have just dumped it off my back onto the floor.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:18) Like I would be fine. (13:20) I'm not going to die.

Alan Lazaros

(13:21) All right, well, let's do this last piece. (13:23) This client that has only gone 20%. (13:26) I said this, would you rather go a hundred percent, give this everything you have, get the growth and the lessons, even if you're in bed for two days crying, or would you rather protect your heart?(13:38) Not know if it could have been the one for the rest of your goddamn life. (13:42) And, and so that's one of the things too, with my clients that I do is you, I help you calculate the risk. (13:49) You're right.(13:50) When you show him all of who you are, and if he doesn't want to be with you, he rejected you. (13:56) Who gives a shit? (13:57) Move on.(13:59) And I know that's easier said than done. (14:01) I've had my heart ripped out too. (14:02) I've been cheated on.(14:03) I get it. (14:04) Okay. (14:04) But that was, that built me up.(14:06) I'm stronger for it. (14:07) I, I, we avoid pain, but we get stronger. (14:10) Human beings are resilient.(14:12) You know, imagine if your whole life was easy, you wouldn't be the man you are today. (14:16) Just avoid every risk. (14:17) Like I'm not saying to jump out of airplanes without parachutes.(14:20) That's dumb, but calculated risks are fucking necessary. (14:24) You want to know the real risk, not living a full life.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:29) It's a fire episode. (14:30) It's good stuff. (14:31) If I do say so myself.(14:32) All right. (14:32) If you want to make sure that you are not risking your future success, reach out to Alan for coaching. (14:37) Again, I've been coached by Alan longer than anybody else.(14:39) And as long as I don't fuck this up, that will be forever because nobody can go back in time and start before I did. (14:45) So I'm going to be the shining example of what's possible. (14:47) I am the testimonial.(14:48) Alan has coached me probably more deeply than almost anybody else at this point, because I've known him so long. (14:52) So reach out to Alan. (14:53) Next Level Nation, private Facebook group of amazing people like you focused on getting to the next level.(14:57) As always, we love you. (14:58) We appreciate you. (14:59) Grateful for each and every one of you.(15:01) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(15:08) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (15:10) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:12) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (15:16) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(15:18) We mean it when we say family. (15:21) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (15:24) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(15:27) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.