Why Are Young Men Lonelier Than Ever? (2405)

Male loneliness is not random. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan talk about why so many young men feel disconnected, even in a world full of constant access, distraction, and quick relief. They explore how avoiding hard conversations, rejection, discomfort, and vulnerability can slowly weaken confidence, self-respect, and real connection. Kevin shares parts of his own experience with loneliness in his twenties, while Alan brings perspective from years of coaching men, couples, and personal growth clients.

Together, they break down the deeper patterns behind male isolation and explain why real confidence is built through courage, communication, and consistent action. This episode will help you see the problem more clearly and think differently about what it really takes to build a stronger life and better relationships. Let this one hit your pride before life does.

_______________________

Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

Join our private Facebook community, “Next Level Nation,” to grow alongside people who are committed to improvement. - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

_______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:52) The real roots of male loneliness
(4:02) Shortcuts that weaken courage
(5:09) What women actually respond to
(10:44) Why avoidance keeps men stuck
(13:42) Rejection, fear, and exposure therapy
(20:22) How confidence is actually built
(23:11) Fear chasing and real-world courage
(30:21) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I was walking up the stairs the other day, and my wife said, I have a question for you. (0:04) And sometimes when she has questions for me, they are completely out of left field and nothing connected to anything we've ever talked about before. (0:10) And she said, why do you think men are so lonely?(0:13) Why do you think there's like a young men loneliness epidemic? (0:18) And I said, it's very, I think it's probably pretty easy for me to answer that question because if things didn't go the way they went, I would probably be one of those very, very lonely young men.

Alan Lazaros

(0:30) I coach several young men, and this is going to be a fascinating thing to discuss. (0:37) And I don't know the specific statistic, we'll probably look it up in the episode, but young men are, correct me if I'm wrong, the highest suicide risk in the Western culture. (0:50) I do believe so.(0:51) I do believe so.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:52) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:54) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:56) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:59) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(1:06) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:12) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:28) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:35) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:40) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,405, why are young men lonelier than ever? (1:46) I'm excited to talk about this for a couple reasons. (1:49) One, my wife asked me this question, and I actually feel like I had a decent answer.(1:54) I feel like I had a pretty decent answer. (1:55) That's part one. (1:56) Part two, I was a very lonely young man in my mid-twenties.(2:03) Yeah, yeah. (2:05) And we're gonna go there. (2:07) That's part two.(2:09) Are you excited for this episode? (2:11) No, no, not at all. (2:13) Cool.(2:14) I think it's important.

Alan Lazaros

(2:19) That doesn't mean I'm excited about doing it.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:23) I'm doing it because it's important, not because I want to. (2:25) Yeah, but it's different reasons for you. (2:27) It's not that you're not excited to add value.(2:29) It's because this statistically isn't the thing that you really struggled with. (2:32) And for me, you're gonna get a lot of smiles, jokes, and laughs in this episode out of me. (2:37) And number one, I want you to know that anytime I smile and or laugh about something, I am not minimizing it.(2:42) That is just my trauma response. (2:44) That is how I got through life. (2:46) So I will be smirking a lot in this episode.(2:49) I don't mean anything by it, so sit with me. (2:51) I will never forget. (2:55) My girlfriend left me mid-twenties.(2:57) Fucking brutal. (2:59) Oh my God, brutal. (3:01) I lived by myself.(3:04) And I was just in a pit of despair. (3:08) Ellen loves when I talk about my past. (3:10) And then eventually it got to the point where I was like, I am fucking sick of this.(3:13) I am sick of not having the courage to talk to people. (3:16) I am sick of feeling like I'm not in control when I'm hanging out with women. (3:20) I am sick of like not feeling courageous.(3:23) I'm sick of feeling like a loser. (3:25) I'm sick of just not having courage. (3:28) And I said, this is what I'm going to do.(3:30) I am going to, I have a picture somewhere of it. (3:33) I have a, I put the picture on social media. (3:35) I don't remember where it was from, but I was like, I'm going to go to the mall and I'm just going to talk to strangers.(3:40) This was before the story of me doing that with the Amy that used to be on the team. (3:45) Before that, I went to the mall by myself. (3:47) And I went to stores that I knew women would be working at.(3:51) And I went and had conversations because I was sick of just feeling like a victim to my own lack of courage. (4:00) That was my answer to Taryn. (4:02) I said, because now I don't think a lot of people have the necessity to practice courage.(4:10) You can go watch porn right now. (4:12) You get dopamine, you get your sex need met, quote unquote, you can do that. (4:16) You can go have a conversation with AI.(4:19) You can have a fucking AI girlfriend if you want, or an AI boyfriend if that's your thing. (4:23) You can do that. (4:23) That's done.(4:25) The necessity to have courage isn't as high as it used to be because now you can get your needs micro met on the day to day. (4:33) And I think that's one piece of it. (4:36) And then if you don't have goals, bigger goals than like attracting a partner, you're probably not going to do the stuff that you need to do.(4:44) So I think that's a big piece of it too. (4:46) And there aren't that many positive male role models. (4:50) Who are you going to look up to?(4:52) A lot of these guys are fucking assholes and they don't know what they're telling you is not constructive. (4:58) If anything, it's taking you off the path. (5:00) So I think it's a mix of those kind of three things.

Alan Lazaros

(5:03) I don't know where to go on this, but we're going to explore. (5:09) So I've been coaching couples for six years. (5:18) It has been really cool for me.(5:22) 58 relationship talks, virtual events, 219 conscious couples, podcast episodes, 7,050 coaching sessions over the last 11 years, at least 60% of them with women. (5:36) I have learned so much. (5:40) The distinctions that I have, and this is so Emily and I recently got a new client for relationship talks and he is trying to get better.(5:52) So he had, I know you're listening brother, keep it anonymous. (5:57) He had a one that got away moment, quote unquote. (6:02) And yeah, there you go.(6:04) So met this person, they went on a couple dates, three, went really well. (6:11) Awesome. (6:11) She said she wasn't feeling the connection.(6:14) They reconnected, I don't know, maybe six or eight months later. (6:18) I'm probably getting this wrong, brother. (6:19) And then three more dates went even better.(6:22) Had the same thing happen. (6:24) We eventually found out that there wasn't a ton of vulnerability on his part. (6:31) And so he wants to work on it.(6:33) Kudos to him. (6:34) Really ship talks, coaching Emilia's first homework was these three questions. (6:40) Emilia has a small homework assignment prior to Wednesday's session.(6:43) I told her I had you watch in quotes, what women want. (6:47) You ever seen it? (6:48) Mel Gibson.(6:50) Yes. (6:50) I don't know if I've ever seen it, but you and Taryn would love that movie. (6:54) Because it's basically what women really think versus what they.(7:01) Mel Gibson thinks he's a stud and he's actually a gregarious a-hole. (7:08) And he can suddenly hear what women think about him. (7:11) And it is an identity crisis for him.(7:14) And it's just a fucking awesome movie from that frame. (7:17) Okay. (7:18) So we used it in one of our relationship talks events.(7:22) So these are the three questions. (7:23) So here's her suggestions. (7:25) Having watched that movie.(7:26) Number one, what was one sneaky overlooked distinction you learned from the film? (7:30) About what men typically don't understand about women, but think they do. (7:34) That's the key.(7:35) The end. (7:36) They think they do. (7:38) That's number one.(7:39) Number two, what have men been socially conditioned to care more about that women obviously don't give a fuck about? (7:44) That's not the actual question. (7:45) That women obviously don't care about at all.(7:48) Cars three times. (7:50) I'm kidding. (7:51) All right.(7:51) Number three, what skill is underdeveloped in the men that repels women from wanting anything long-term? (7:56) All right. (7:57) His answers were awesome.(7:59) I think a lot of men don't understand, myself included, that when women express a problem or concern, our immediate reaction is to solve it or come up with a solution. (8:08) What I've started to try to understand more is that women value being heard and understood on an emotional level, not the logistics of the conversation itself. (8:16) Nice.(8:18) From a society perspective, men have been conditioned based on status and performance, having a high-paying job, planning the perfect date, saying the right things, thinking she'll be impressed. (8:27) The truth is the main thing women care about is how women feel around you. (8:31) Are they excited?(8:31) Are they curious? (8:33) In my case, when I've been on dates, I've always kept things surface level instead of being genuinely curious about her. (8:39) Good ownership there.(8:40) Number three. (8:41) An underdeveloped skill, one I am definitely struggling with, is effective communication and effective listening and being emotionally present. (8:46) My mind drifts off towards goals, even while on these dates, and being genuinely curious about the other person, asking deeper questions, and being okay with expressing vulnerability and emotional risk, even if it means getting rejected.(8:58) What I'm trying to work on is slowing down the conversation and being fully present, staying in certain topics a bit longer, knowing it's uncomfortable, rather than switching to the topic to keep the conversation moving. (9:08) All right. (9:08) So a couple things.(9:11) Great answers. (9:11) First of all, I don't know who this person is, but those are great answers. (9:14) That's what I'm saying.(9:15) It's good stuff. (9:17) So he's on his way. (9:18) I have no freaking doubt within a certain time frame, anywhere from six months to two years, he's going to attract someone magnificent.(9:26) If he keeps this up. (9:28) If you keep this up. (9:29) I always have to add that because...(9:33) Nothing is by default. (9:34) Nothing is by... (9:35) Yeah, nothing works unless you work.(9:37) The thing that I think has been fascinating for you and I, Kev, is our listeners were primarily women over the last 11 years, courage, humility, vulnerability, all these things that they seem so obvious now to us. (9:56) So for example, one thing that jumped off the page for me is this person is very goal-oriented. (10:02) And I said, the only goal when you're on this date is to not have a goal.(10:10) I said, what? (10:11) I said, no, no, just facilitate a great experience. (10:14) As if anyone knows what the fuck that means.(10:16) Right? (10:17) So this is a skill and men are lonely probably because they're awful at this skill. (10:31) Being good with women is a fucking skill.(10:34) It needs to be practiced and mastered and you have to be curious and genuine and vulnerable. (10:40) You have to ask and you have to take L's constantly.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:44) That's the fucking problem is it's easier to scroll up wpornhub.com, bada bing, bada boom, get that done onto the next thing. (10:52) No rejection. (10:53) Never, never, no rejection.(10:56) That I'm telling you, I think that if I could sit down with 26 year old Kev, and again, I do think I was doing a lot of work. (11:06) I was trying to figure my shit out for sure. (11:08) For sure.(11:09) It was terrible. (11:10) My God, it was terrible. (11:11) It was brutal going, going to the mall by myself.(11:15) Like, all right, I'm going to go to this store and I'm just going to go talk to women. (11:18) This is going to be fucking terrible. (11:21) It was great.(11:22) It was, it worked well. (11:22) It was great. (11:23) They, they're bored.(11:25) They want to talk. (11:26) It's great. (11:27) It's a great experience.(11:28) But I would say Kev, you got to stop taking the shortcuts that you know are not shortcuts. (11:35) You've got to stop taking the shortcuts that you know are going to lead to dead ends. (11:38) You've got to stop taking the shortcuts that you know aren't actually solving your fucking problems.(11:43) They're not. (11:45) That's one. (11:46) And two, the more you do that stuff, the more you convince yourself that you're not valuable and you can't be valuable.(11:53) Because you know when you take the shortcut, you're trading a little piece of your own sanity. (11:59) You're trading a little piece of your own self-respect. (12:01) You're trading a little piece of your own self-trust.(12:03) And it gets harder when you do that. (12:05) It gets harder when you can get your needs met on a website. (12:09) Then every time you do that, you're rewiring.(12:12) I feel this way. (12:13) I feel lonely. (12:14) Internet, done.(12:16) Cycle. (12:17) Every time. (12:18) Every time.(12:20) That you got to just go with zero expectations and just go talk to people. (12:27) That I'm telling you, if, if there is a master skill, I said, this is somebody recently. (12:32) I said, how much has the ability to just be able to speak change your life?(12:37) And he said, dude, I feel like I can do anything. (12:41) That, that, but you've got to go out and have conversations because you're most likely not going to have a podcast or you're not going to have whatever, but you've got to go have conversations. (12:48) What an unsung hero effective communication is.(12:50) Yeah, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(12:51) Yeah, it's, it's the, I mean, it improves everything. (12:55) Improves your writing. (12:56) Improves your thinking.(12:57) Improves your speaking. (12:59) It improves everything. (13:01) It's so important.(13:02) Yeah. (13:04) Uh, sales, influence, leadership, all of it. (13:07) It's podcasting, coaching, training.(13:10) I, I called the world becomes so much more open to you when you're effective at communicating.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:15) For sure. (13:15) I called someplace the other day and I said, Hey, I'm looking for a reservation on this date and this time. (13:20) And they said, Oh, we're booked out like months in advance.(13:22) And I said, that is truly devastating news to hear. (13:25) And like, we started laughing about it and I was like, that's fucking weird. (13:29) I bet you nobody's ever said that to them before.(13:32) That is truly devastating news to me. (13:34) But like, I don't know. (13:36) I feel comfortable talking to that person, even though I don't know who they are.(13:39) Nice.

Alan Lazaros

(13:42) So what is the one thing that's going to change everything? (13:47) Let's Pareto this thing. (13:49) Pareto.(13:49) It's, it's avoiding difficult. (13:53) It's avoiding rejection. (13:55) There's no skin in the game.(14:00) This is why I'm always saying this lately is like, everything worth having is uphill. (14:06) The easy way is, is only the easy way for the little first bit. (14:12) Then it becomes the worst, right?(14:15) What if you do hard things, you'll have an easy life. (14:17) You do easy things, you'll have a hard life. (14:18) It's a, it's a paradox.(14:20) And I just don't believe that. (14:23) I don't believe in quick fixes, like to an insane extent. (14:27) I, okay.(14:32) Exposure therapy is you're afraid of something. (14:36) And instead of hiding from it or shirking from it, you, the antidote to fear is not avoid the, the opposite of it's, it's get stronger, right? (14:57) Expose yourself to a little bit of, that's what weight training is.(14:59) That's what running is. (15:00) Because you and I had a Next Level Live slide where it was you stuck in the center and around a fence and fear was all around and your world just shrinks to your level of capabilities, right? (15:16) If you have low awareness and low skills and you can't handle the vicissitudes of life.(15:22) But what's the difference between a 17 year old and a 27 year old and a 37 year old and a 47 year old? (15:27) The 47 year old is supposed to have gone and, and taken new territory. (15:36) Like remember when you were afraid to get on planes?(15:39) I, I know that this, I don't mean to be a prick. (15:41) I just, that was ridiculous in my honest opinion. (15:44) Like I, that's, that's ridiculous.(15:47) But I could say that about snapping turtles. (15:49) But I also was fucking around with that. (15:51) I was still going to the pool every time, the pond, right?(15:55) I swam, I never told you this, but I swam across Crystal Lake. (15:58) That was the golf course that I, that I worked at. (16:00) I swam that every day.(16:02) The whole lake. (16:03) There was tons of snapping turtles in there. (16:04) I think the part that I didn't say is I actually do the fear.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:09) Yeah, that's fair.

Alan Lazaros

(16:10) Like, and I think that was me manufacturing relatability and hindsight. (16:13) Like of course I'm afraid of snapping turtles, but not really, right? (16:17) That was...(16:17) Not enough to stop you from doing that. (16:18) I also got buried by my, my buddy's older brother. (16:22) He buried me in the sand and put a snapping turtle right with my face.(16:25) I couldn't move. (16:25) That was pretty bad. (16:26) I was like, actually like really bad.(16:28) That was freaky. (16:29) That was freaky. (16:29) And, and also wildly not okay.(16:32) That's like some torture shit. (16:33) It was bad.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:34) Yeah, I can't do that.

Alan Lazaros

(16:35) He thought it was hilarious and I would beat his ass. (16:39) If, if I see him again, I won't, but I'm going to, I'm going to call you out. (16:42) But anyways, so it's like, what the hell was that about?(16:45) Right? (16:45) That was just weird torture shit, right? (16:48) That was like really scary.(16:49) No wonder why I'm claustrophobic.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:50) I mean, holy shit. (16:51) I think that's, that's one of the other reasons this is so hard because there's a lot of men that do shit like that. (16:57) Yeah.(16:57) If you hang out with dudes, I'm going to be, I'm going to, I'm going to be a big brother right now. (17:01) If you hang out with dudes who shit talk women all the time, you got to find better friends. (17:07) Yeah.(17:07) Like let's fucking grow up here. (17:09) You got to find better friends. (17:11) You got to find better friends.(17:12) What are we doing? (17:13) Yeah. (17:14) You got to, you absolutely got to.

Alan Lazaros

(17:16) So the exposure therapy thing. (17:22) You, no one's going to do this for you. (17:25) You, you have to say, okay, I'm afraid and I'm going to go get stronger.(17:30) I'm going to go have courage. (17:32) Like you mentioned courage, everything of value requires courage. (17:42) I don't want to fucking do this episode at all.(17:45) I don't want to say, oh, I actually was never afraid. (17:48) I was manufacturing belonging. (17:49) Like I was afraid.(17:51) I just wasn't that afraid in hindsight. (17:53) It turns out like, and I don't want to be a, I don't want to be mean. (17:58) And I don't want to.(17:59) So for example, when I said I was claustrophobic, I would walk in and out of tight doorways on purpose to expose myself to more and more, uh, to make sure that I, and crowds bothered me for a while after my car accident, I had all these issues. (18:15) I think I immediately went into corrective action every time. (18:19) Cause I, I don't, I'll share this with everybody.(18:22) I don't feel like myself when I'm not confident. (18:26) Like when I'm not confident, I feel like it's a cage. (18:29) I feel like awful.(18:30) I don't feel good. (18:31) It's like, what the fuck is this? (18:32) Oh my God.(18:33) This is like terrible. (18:34) Right. (18:35) I remember this one time I was sitting by the lake with my buddy Kiki and I was like, I feel awful.(18:42) I don't, I don't feel confident. (18:43) Like this is the fucking worst feeling in the entire world. (18:46) I just don't feel like I'm that capable right now.(18:49) And it's been small amounts of time in my life where I felt that way. (18:52) There's one other time with my ex Courtney. (18:54) And I was like, oh my God, am I like insecure right now?(18:56) This is like the fucking worst thing ever. (18:59) Now, I also understand for anyone out there watching or listening who has struggled with a lot of insecurities, like I attack confidence issues very quickly. (19:10) I try really like, one of the reasons I'm confident is because I do hard shit every single day on purpose.(19:15) Like if you, if you really want to be confident, I think you have to do hard things every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:23) I think that's the way to maximize it for sure. (19:26) But it's hard. (19:27) It's hard to start that shit.

Alan Lazaros

(19:29) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:30) That's the hard thing. (19:31) It's hard to get going. (19:32) It's hard to start.(19:33) You got to start very, very, very small. (19:35) That was too big of a leap for me. (19:36) I'm going to go talk to strangers at the mall.(19:38) Like that might be too big of a leap for somebody else. (19:41) That was probably, that was on the outside for me. (19:43) Like I shouldn't have done that, but I was riding high off of something.

Alan Lazaros

(19:46) But I think most people are too low.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:50) They're not starting. (19:51) Like, no, I don't think so. (19:54) Because most people don't start, but they try to take this massive action.(19:59) The more I think about, remember the Will Smith thing of like, why would you ever be realistic? (20:04) It's like, dude, you've missed the plot. (20:06) You don't get it.(20:06) You don't know what it's like. (20:07) Well, you don't know what it's like.

Alan Lazaros

(20:10) You've been talking there when I was like, I don't like not feeling confident. (20:14) Is that very clear that I don't experience that that often?

Kevin Palmieri

(20:16) Yeah, for sure. (20:17) That was most of my life. (20:19) I didn't like it either.(20:20) I just didn't know how to fix it yet.

Alan Lazaros

(20:22) Well, how do you fix it? (20:23) Let's do that. (20:24) We don't talk about confidence anymore.(20:26) You do hard things. (20:28) Small, hard things. (20:29) Small, manageable.(20:30) Yeah, if you're level one confident, you do level two things. (20:33) Yeah, that. (20:34) And then you become level two confident, and then you do level three things.(20:37) But it's unique to you. (20:39) Yeah, exactly. (20:39) And you never stop.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:41) When you get to five, it doesn't mean you're confident. (20:43) You don't stop. (20:44) You can't ever stop this.(20:45) No, you can't. (20:46) The cycle has to run. (20:47) I'm guilty of that.(20:48) I've found myself at times like, oh my god, I haven't been doing this thing that helps me build confidence. (20:53) What the fuck am I doing? (20:53) Oh, I know.(20:55) What the fuck am I doing? (20:55) What happened? (20:56) I forgot how important this was.

Alan Lazaros

(20:58) I have a really good one. (21:00) And I know we're going to go here. (21:01) I was at the Ecotarium with Emilia four weeks ago or something.(21:08) We met her parents there. (21:10) And there's this glass floor that you can see right through at the very top level. (21:17) And I'm not a fan of heights at all.(21:21) And I don't trust these civil engineers at all. (21:24) Like, come on, when was the last time they checked this fucking thing, right? (21:27) I had to force myself to walk several times back and forth this thing.(21:32) And it was embarrassingly obvious how scared I was. (21:37) But I couldn't not do it. (21:40) Because otherwise, I'm going to let it win.(21:46) Like, I let fear win. (21:47) What are you going to let fear win? (21:50) If fear wins once, it's going to win again and again and again and again and again.(21:55) There is no fearless human. (21:59) There's no such thing. (22:00) There's just, okay, I don't want to do this.(22:03) This is why I can't fucking stand when people say, like, don't swim upstream. (22:10) Go with the flow. (22:11) What do you mean?(22:13) What do you mean? (22:14) Everything that is of value is upstream. (22:18) Everything.(22:19) Like, well, that's not really aligned. (22:21) Bullshit. (22:22) It is aligned.(22:23) And you're too much of a coward to go fucking do it. (22:26) So you tell yourself a story. (22:27) You shouldn't have to do that.(22:29) I do not agree with that at all. (22:31) Like, why would you swim upstream? (22:32) I remember I fell for that for a little while in my spiritual phase where it's like, oh, you know, anything of resistance is bad for you.(22:39) Like, I don't, I sense resistance to that. (22:42) It's like, come on. (22:43) All the good things in this world are on the other side of fear.(22:47) Abso-fucking-lutely. (22:48) Anyone who tells you otherwise is absolutely inaccurate. (22:50) I call it want, love, hate framework.(22:52) Want a great life, love one-on-one coaching, hate social media. (22:56) Everything you want, every client, every time is on the other side of something that you hate, that you don't want to do. (23:04) I didn't, you asked me which episode do you want to do?(23:06) And I said this one. (23:07) You want to know why? (23:09) Because you didn't want to do it?(23:09) I didn't want to fucking do it. (23:10) That's the truth.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:11) I wanted to. (23:12) I was super excited. (23:13) Yeah.(23:13) Because I think it's far more tangible for me to talk about this, because it's something that I really, I told Alan when we were getting ready to do this, I said, I could have ended up as a very, very angry man. (23:27) A very, very angry man. (23:28) Because I was trending in this.(23:31) And then I started podcasting. (23:33) And I, well, even before that, like I started, you and I were hanging out. (23:37) I got to self-improvement.(23:38) And I was like, I really want to turn my life around here. (23:40) Like, I'm sick of being afraid of everything. (23:42) That's where all of this started for me.(23:44) I'm sick of being afraid of everything. (23:46) Are you still fear chasing all the time? (23:49) I consciously think about it.(23:51) Yeah. (23:53) Now, if you said, what's the last fear you chased? (23:55) Do it.(23:59) Because this is it right here.

Alan Lazaros

(24:00) Like, it's not. (24:01) I have one more I'm going to share too, because I want to lead by example, but I also want people to know that just because we're quote unquote successful, this never stops. (24:12) I don't care how successful I am.(24:14) I'm always going to do these little things. (24:15) You would never know that I did that at the ecotarian. (24:18) I had to do that because I can't let fear win.(24:22) I can't because if your wins once it'll win again and it'll win again. (24:26) And all of a sudden you'll be in a corner freaking out.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:29) Like I got you. (24:30) I got one. (24:31) I went last weekend.(24:32) I went golfing with strangers. (24:34) I just showed up to the golf course paired with two people I'd never met before.

Alan Lazaros

(24:37) And now we're that.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:38) Fuck. (24:39) Yeah. (24:40) Yeah.(24:40) I'm going this weekend with three strangers. (24:42) I have no idea who it is. (24:44) I don't know who they are.(24:45) I don't know how good they are. (24:46) They probably don't want me to show up in a costume, please, please. (24:51) That would be, that would be welcome.(24:54) I'd rather, I would rather go off alone than with anybody.

Alan Lazaros

(24:58) See, that's it, man. (25:00) That means you should probably go for sale. (25:03) A hundred percent.(25:03) You should always do the thing you're more afraid of. (25:06) Almost always.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:07) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(25:07) But when you get, especially if your goals are on the other side of it.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:10) Yes. (25:11) When you get into the rut of avoiding it, maybe at some point, maybe we'll do a part two, but yeah, when you get into the rut of avoiding it, it just becomes easy. (25:17) It's like, well, I'll just, I didn't do that last time.(25:19) I'll just skip this time too. (25:20) I'll just, I'll just skip that this time.

Alan Lazaros

(25:23) What was the one I did recently? (25:24) Another tangible one. (25:25) Oh, minor social.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:27) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(25:28) Minor. (25:29) My, I'm, I'm fearful socially. (25:31) It's very rarely like the heights thing.(25:35) Actually that works because that's not social. (25:38) Although I walking across the glass with people watching was definitely a little bit of social. (25:42) But, but this one gets me often.(25:47) I'll be in the gym. (25:48) Last piece. (25:49) We'll get out of here.(25:50) I'll be in the gym and I'll be getting after it. (25:53) Just getting after it. (25:55) And everyone has the fucking TV on, right?(25:58) They love watching TV in the gym. (26:01) And I know some people are watching it, but there's no one glued to it. (26:05) And I'm like, Alan, what if you just shut it the fuck up?(26:08) What if you just went over, grabbed the remote and just shut it off in front of everyone? (26:14) They're all going to hate you. (26:15) I know, I know.(26:17) They're going to think you're a disrespectful prick. (26:19) They're going to think you're an arrogant, disrespectful prick. (26:21) And that's okay.(26:23) You're going to go over and you're going to shut it off. (26:26) And occasionally if someone is watching it, I'll say, Hey, are you watching this? (26:29) Before I shut it off.(26:30) Cause I do want to be respectful, but I can't not shut it off because if I get afraid of that judgment, I have to force myself to go do it. (26:39) And then my workout is always way better. (26:41) And then usually they let it stay off until we leave because they know I hate the TV being on.(26:47) But I can't not shut it off because I want it shut off. (26:52) And I know that it takes courage to achieve your goals and dreams. (26:55) And I have to risk the social judgment of being seen as an arrogant prick.(27:00) If you're not willing to be seen as someone who is, if you're not willing to be misunderstood or villainized or whatever, you cannot win in this, in this life at a high level. (27:10) You can't. (27:12) And I'm walk the line for you.(27:14) If it's outside of your core values to do that, then walk the line. (27:17) But the truth of the matter is, dude, honestly, if anyone were to come and talk to me, I would say, are we here to lift? (27:21) Are we here to watch TV?(27:23) I would actually say that now. (27:24) I know I'm not fun. (27:26) I know people are upset with that.(27:27) I know that's not normal. (27:28) I don't care.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:30) What would happen if there was eight people there and seven out of eight wanted the TV on?

Alan Lazaros

(27:35) Then I would, of course not. (27:36) Yeah. (27:37) There have been times where that whole section is taken and they're all looking at the TV.(27:42) I'm not going to go and turn it off.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:43) You get outvoted.

Alan Lazaros

(27:44) But there was one lady one time who wasn't even in that section and she came over and turned it on. (27:49) And then we had a minor tiff because she went back on the treadmill facing the other way. (27:54) And I was sitting there right in front of the thing.(27:56) But she's just trying to establish dominance. (28:00) She doesn't like me. (28:00) She's also wildly out of shape.(28:02) And she's one of those miserable older people who life didn't work out for. (28:05) And she's just a very unhappy human. (28:08) And she thinks we're young assholes.(28:11) And that's fine. (28:12) At the end of the day, I just said, you're over there on the treadmill. (28:17) Are you watching this?(28:19) And she's like, no, but other people are. (28:21) And I was like, who? (28:24) And then she just like huffed and puffed and went away.(28:26) And I turned it off. (28:27) The truth is you're just being like this because you want to stand up to the young guy and establish dominance because you're unhappy with me and unhappy with yourself. (28:39) Some people are assholes and they will try to attack you for almost no reason just because they feel so insignificant.(28:49) I'm really red right now because that's that for me. (28:53) Brother, that happens all the time. (28:54) I'm like wildly respectful.(28:56) You've witnessed. (28:57) I'm like very respectful. (28:58) I open the door for people.(29:00) I'm super kind. (29:01) I try. (29:01) But people just they think you're they see the way you look and they assume you're some entitled, arrogant prick.(29:07) And it's too bad, man. (29:09) But anyways, so I have to force myself to have the social courage to actually honor what I believe is best, even when other people aren't going to like it. (29:19) The last thing I'll say about this is if you have huge goals and dreams, you are the only you are in the minority.(29:26) You are outnumbered. (29:28) Most people are wandering around aimlessly with no goals and dreams. (29:32) And if you have huge goals and dreams, you are the fucking weirdo.(29:36) You are. (29:37) And that's why a lot of these people get villainized. (29:40) The Serena Williams, Michael Phelps, Tom Brady is like these people are deeply hated.(29:45) And you have to understand that that's par for the course if you have big goals and dreams. (29:48) And that's the hardest part of this journey for me. (29:50) So anyways, OK.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:53) All right, squad. (29:53) All right. (29:54) We got to hop.(29:55) Reach out for coaching. (29:56) If you're looking for a coach, reach out to Alan. (29:58) Alan coaches many young men.(29:59) If you're a young man trying to figure out life and you need a positive male role model in your life, Alan's got that. (30:04) He's been that for me for many, many years. (30:05) And if you're looking for a group of amazing people, we're like I said, we're rebuilding Next Level Nation to make it a little bit different and a little bit more aligned with the energy of the podcast.(30:14) So if you haven't checked it out in a while, check it out. (30:16) If you want to be part of it, it's a private Facebook group. (30:18) Just search Next Level Nation.(30:19) Link will be in the show notes as well. (30:21) As always, we love you. (30:22) We appreciate you.(30:22) Grateful for each and every one of you. (30:24) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (30:30) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.(30:32) Next Level Nation. (30:34) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (30:38) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(30:40) We mean it when we say family. (30:42) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (30:45) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:49) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.