Should You Prove Yourself Right Or Prove Yourself Wrong? (2408)

Between doubt and destiny. In this episode, Kevin and Alan talk about a powerful truth in personal growth. Sometimes progress comes from proving yourself wrong. Other times it comes from proving yourself right. The key is knowing which one you need. They break down how self-belief, feedback, and identity shape the way you show up. They also explain why the wrong mindset can keep you stuck, even when you are trying hard to grow.

This episode helps you better understand your own patterns, make smarter adjustments, and build confidence that is grounded in real action. If you want to grow with more clarity and less confusion, this one will help. Press play and give your excuses a little less authority today.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:16) Belief follows behavior change
(4:10) Find the edge of uncertainty
(7:44) Take feedback that keeps you going
(10:33) The goal is identity change
(13:08) Confidence must stay calibrated
(15:24) Self-awareness changes the ratio
(18:48) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) Based on the episode that we did two episodes ago, (0:04) where we were just on the opposite side of the spectrum of what we were talking about, (0:09) we decided that it's up to you out there, whether you're watching or listening, (0:15) just like it's up to me and it's up to Alan, (0:17) to figure out whether you should commit to proving yourself right (0:21) or proving yourself wrong, because that decision is going to dictate the feedback you get, (0:26) and the opportunities you say yes to, it's going to literally dictate everything.

Alan Lazaros

(0:32) So we talked about the 0.1% improvements. (0:35) That is, if you struggle to believe in yourself, you've got to work on the belief piece every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:41) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:43) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:45) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:48) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:55) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:02) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:17) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:24) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:29) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2408. (1:33) Should you prove yourself right or prove yourself wrong?(1:38) I slept in a little bit today. (1:41) Needed a 44 sleep score yesterday. (1:44) Very long day.(1:45) I woke up at 6. (1:46) I said, I don't know. (1:47) Should I do it?(1:48) Should I just go? (1:49) Should I go to the gym and hit legs? (1:50) And I was like, I don't know, Kev.(1:51) I feel like you're redlining here a little bit on this sleep thing. (1:56) And usually I prove myself right with that. (2:00) I wake up and I say, hey, you're going to go to the gym.(2:03) You love the gym. (2:03) You're going to go to the gym. (2:04) You love the gym.(2:04) You're going to go to the gym. (2:06) And today I proved myself wrong by sleeping in. (2:10) Now, I know that's not exactly what we're talking about, but that's a tangible example of this.

Alan Lazaros

(2:16) So we got to go to the self-belief piece always. (2:20) There was a time where you didn't believe that you could be wealthy. (2:24) Definitely.(2:25) Okay. (2:25) And now you do believe you can. (2:27) I do.(2:27) Okay. (2:28) I think the difference is now you know how to fucking do it. (2:30) And you're the type of person who can actually do it.(2:32) But I do think belief is certainty. (2:34) I do think that's a big piece. (2:37) And honestly, it's like knowledge is not power, but being able to change your behavior is.(2:42) It's you now know how to do it. (2:44) Knowledge. (2:45) You are the type of person who can get yourself to actually do it.(2:49) Behavior change. (2:50) Boom. (2:50) Now you have belief.(2:52) I believe, but I do think little Kev probably struggles to believe it still. (2:59) At least to some extent. (3:00) Is that fair?(3:01) You got to talk about this because I don't... (3:04) I'm on the other end.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:05) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(3:08) I mean, how do I even know? (3:11) Okay, let's do this instead. (3:13) Please.(3:13) Do you believe you can run a five-minute mile? (3:15) No. (3:16) God, no.(3:17) No. (3:18) Hell no. (3:19) Hell no.(3:19) Yeah, me neither. (3:20) Do you believe you could ever? (3:24) If you dedicated...(3:26) If I dedicate... (3:27) 3,650 days. (3:30) Yeah?(3:30) Yeah. (3:31) Okay. (3:31) Five minute?(3:33) If I dedicated the next 10 years, yes. (3:35) Nice. (3:36) Okay.(3:37) All right. (3:37) So you do believe it's possible? (3:40) Okay, good.(3:41) You do believe it's possible for you? (3:43) But you don't believe it'll be worth it? (3:45) God, no.(3:45) Yeah. (3:47) So he's never going to do that. (3:48) No.(3:49) Okay, that's not my point. (3:50) Here we go. (3:50) So in order to achieve that goal, let's say you and I took a decade, 3,650 days.(3:56) I'll put you on a plan for five-minute mile. (3:58) Okay. (3:59) I need you to run a 10-minute mile tomorrow.(4:02) Do you believe you can do it? (4:03) Yes. (4:04) All right, nine-minute mile tomorrow.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:06) Probably not.

Alan Lazaros

(4:07) All right, good, good. (4:08) That's the one we should do. (4:10) Because you said probably not.(4:12) So you have to go prove you wrong. (4:16) And then when you do it, you'll go, oh shit, what else can I do? (4:20) Then you'll go for an 830 and lose.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:22) Smack my life.

Alan Lazaros

(4:23) Yeah, get smacked. (4:24) But that's... (4:25) See, I already think...(4:27) If you said, can you run a six-minute mile? (4:30) I would say yes and then run a 613. (4:34) And I would be like, fuck!(4:37) Right? (4:38) You would say, not a fucking chance, and run an 847 going for an eight. (4:43) Or going for a nine, going for a nine.(4:45) And you'd run an 847. (4:48) You underestimate what you are capable of, and I overestimate what I'm capable of in the short term. (4:54) Based on yesterday's episode, the people who overestimate what they're capable of in the short term and execute, end up with long-term results.(5:04) Overestimate and execute. (5:06) Yes. (5:06) And execute.(5:07) And execute consistently. (5:10) And so I'm coaching some people who have low self-efficacy, low self-belief. (5:17) And I said, you have to figure out that point where you're like, I don't know, and then prove yourself wrong.(5:23) Whereas me, I already think I can do a six-minute mile. (5:27) I have to go prove myself right. (5:30) And it's gonna be a 613 probably, right?(5:33) And I'm gonna feel terrible, but at least I got on the fucking track. (5:37) But aren't you proving yourself wrong too? (5:40) No, because I would keep going until I got a six.(5:45) So I'm still proving myself right on the macro. (5:47) On the macro, okay. (5:48) Yeah.(5:48) And then you would prove yourself right on the macro too in 10 years, right? (5:52) Yeah. (5:52) But like, if you and I both had a competition and it was like, who can run a five-minute mile faster?(5:59) And I would say I could probably do it within two years. (6:02) Maybe even a year, actually. (6:04) See how optimistic?(6:06) But I'd have to, now this includes eliminating everything else. (6:10) Probably do it in six months, honestly. (6:11) But I'd have to eliminate everything else.(6:14) Except for sleep, hydration, all the things aligned with that. (6:18) My point is though, is I have to prove me right because I already believe I can do it. (6:24) You have to prove you wrong because you believe you can't.(6:27) And I'm always trying to get people to find that spot now where it's like, I don't know. (6:33) It's like, go for that. (6:35) It's not definitely not.(6:38) Right. (6:38) It has to be like, right on the line. (6:41) So nine-minute mile, you probably hit like an 8.47, I bet.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:45) And then you're like, oh, all right. (6:47) Fuck yeah. (6:47) I'm a lot lighter now than I was last time I ran.(6:49) So that probably, it would be better, I'm sure, than it was. (6:51) Agreed.

Alan Lazaros

(6:52) But if you do have self-doubt, that, I don't know if that ever goes away. (6:58) I think I have to spend the rest of my life proving myself right and other people wrong. (7:03) Because I always believe in myself more than other people do.(7:07) You have to do the opposite. (7:09) You have to basically go against what you think. (7:15) It's like, I don't think I can do a nine-minute mile.(7:17) It's like, go prove that wrong for fuck sure you can. (7:21) Come on. (7:22) Or at least get data.(7:23) That's what I'm saying. (7:25) At least get data. (7:26) Yeah, I think that really lands for, it landed for a client yesterday.(7:30) I was like, that's what, I write that on a whiteboard. (7:32) Prove myself wrong. (7:33) Because she doesn't believe in herself.(7:36) And it's like, yo, you- I understand. (7:38) You do, you are so capable. (7:40) Just go fucking, don't listen to that shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:44) Even if you get a 9.13, it's better than not running. (7:49) But that's why I was so adamant about the, you have to look at what feedback you get first. (7:53) Because if you're trying to prove yourself wrong and you take the feedback that proves you right, you're self-sabotaging.(8:02) You got to get the feedback that proves you wrong. (8:05) I'm confused. (8:07) Yeah, this is, yeah, this is- So if you have low self-belief, you got to prove yourself wrong.(8:12) I don't think I can do it. (8:13) Go do it. (8:14) Prove to yourself you're wrong.(8:15) Yeah. (8:15) Right? (8:15) Nice.(8:16) You shouldn't take the feedback of the person who says that was fucking garbage. (8:20) You're the worst. (8:21) Look at the L's.(8:22) You got to look at the W's. (8:23) Makes sense. (8:24) That's my thesis.(8:25) That makes sense. (8:26) That's what I was trying to connect.

Alan Lazaros

(8:28) Until you go over, because you've proven yourself wrong so many times. (8:31) Now you think you're some fucking Olympic athlete.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:33) But if I come back and I say, brother, I, you know, I really thought I could do the nine minutes. (8:37) And I came in at 9.17. And if you say, Jesus Christ, that is a fucking embarrassment to the human species. (8:45) Brother, you should never strap on those running shoes again.(8:49) You are, you've made the world a worse place for doing that. (8:51) Here's the truth though.

Alan Lazaros

(8:52) I would never say that unless you come in acting like you believe in yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:57) But if I'm convinced I'm supposed to come in and say, oh, I knew I was a fucking loser. (9:01) This whole time I knew I couldn't do it. (9:03) If I convince myself, I think a lot of people are convincing themselves they're supposed to take the opposite feedback of what they're really supposed to take.

Alan Lazaros

(9:09) Yeah, that's fair. (9:09) That's fair. (9:10) So what do we tell people to do then?(9:13) Because this is the classic medicine that will cure one patient will kill another. (9:19) It's the classic. (9:21) And a lot of clients in the past would act super confident.(9:26) So I would be hard on them.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:29) I think that's what people think they need. (9:31) Some people do for sure. (9:34) Some people do.(9:35) We have a mutual client. (9:37) I give it to him.

Alan Lazaros

(9:38) Yeah, a hundred percent.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:39) He asked me a question yesterday. (9:41) A lot of people. (9:41) He asked me a question yesterday and he didn't even finish the question.(9:44) And I said, absolutely not. (9:45) No, that makes zero sense. (9:46) He's like, that's why I love you, man.(9:47) You don't even, you didn't even think about it. (9:49) Like just, no, that's no, I'm not going to do that.

Alan Lazaros

(9:51) He could run a six minute mile. (9:53) Probably. (9:54) Not a chance.(9:55) Probably. (9:56) But he'd also go out and try if you challenged him. (9:58) Of course he would.(9:59) Of course he would. (10:00) And he'd nearly die trying to hit it. (10:02) Like I did.(10:03) And then he'd be unavailable while you're sitting in the studio.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:06) I think you have to figure out what is more likely to allow you to try it again with the most constructive voice.

Alan Lazaros

(10:18) The point of the game is to stay in the game, baby. (10:21) Of course. (10:22) That's it.(10:23) And I think that we kind of, I was trying to get there on the last episode. (10:26) I think the last episode sucked, honestly, my part of it. (10:30) But the point that I was trying to get to, it's also the time constraints.(10:33) And anything else I could point to extra. (10:35) But the point that I was trying to get to is the point is not to go for a run, but to become a runner. (10:41) The point is not to write a book, but to become a writer.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:45) Like there is no, there is no end to like, but how much shit you have to sift through before that becomes your identity. (10:54) That is this. (10:56) You have to do the behavior and have the self-talk that locks in.(11:00) This could actually be your identity. (11:02) You actually could do this for a long, long, long time. (11:05) If you have the right.(11:07) Okay. (11:07) Talk about that internal perspective. (11:09) Dude, I went on a podcast the other day as a guest for the first time.(11:13) I've gone on two podcasts as a guest in the last like six months. (11:17) I was fucking nervous before I did it. (11:21) I had that moment of like, Oh God, I don't know about this.(11:24) I've done thousands of podcasts that you think that would go away. (11:29) No, I still had to prove myself. (11:31) I had to prove myself wrong.(11:34) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(11:34) I don't think that'll ever go away. (11:36) And same with me. (11:37) I could have not gone on podcasts for 10 years and then showed up and think it would go well.(11:41) And then this is my pattern. (11:43) I think it's going to go well. (11:45) When I get off the mic, I'm like, Oh, that was way worse than it could have been.(11:50) Then I listened back and usually I'm like, okay, okay. (11:53) Strong. (11:54) That's my pattern.(11:55) Yours is, I think it's going to suck. (11:56) And then you get off the mic, like that was way better than I thought. (11:59) And then you go back and listen.(12:00) Okay. (12:00) I wasn't as good as I thought. (12:02) Never, never, never, never, never the second one or the last one.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:05) Very rarely. (12:06) I don't know if this is a me thing, but I am always incredibly hyper aware of what I'm saying. (12:12) I am so present, but I also can see down on what I'm saying.(12:16) When I listen back, I just say the same things as I'm listening. (12:20) I always finish my own sentences. (12:21) When you look back at old content, you think it's garbage.(12:23) Well, yeah, but I was a fucking idiot. (12:26) That was more ego than anything. (12:31) But of course, if I look back five years, that's my point.(12:35) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (12:35) I thought you meant like tomorrow. (12:36) If I listen to this episode.

Alan Lazaros

(12:37) I did, I did. (12:37) In your defense, I did.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:38) Yeah, I know you did.

Alan Lazaros

(12:40) No. (12:42) But in five years from now, what if you listen to this episode?

Kevin Palmieri

(12:44) Oh, it'll be terrible. (12:45) I'll hate it. (12:45) I hate myself and you.(12:48) But that's not what I'm talking about here. (12:50) That's different. (12:51) That's not even connected to this.(12:53) I guess not. (12:54) There's something there though. (12:55) I guess not.

Alan Lazaros

(12:56) I don't, I don't. (12:57) Maybe. (12:57) It is connected to this.(12:58) I just don't know what it is because same with me though. (13:01) So if you're on your end of drive to five. (13:05) You always think it's going to go worse than it goes.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:08) You always think it's going to go worse than it goes. (13:11) And then the potential downside is when it goes better than you expected. (13:15) You have to catch your ego because you convince yourself you're better than you.(13:20) Actually are. (13:20) You don't go to optimal. (13:22) Like if you think you're going to do a level.(13:24) You think you're going to show up and do a level two. (13:26) You actually show up and do a level eight. (13:28) Your confidence should be like in the middle somewhere.(13:30) It shouldn't shoot up to 10. (13:32) That's how you get in trouble. (13:34) Because the next time you didn't do a 10 before you think you're going to do a 10.(13:39) Now, you know, even if you do an eight, you're going to feel bad about it going back to the previous episode when you got to look at the wind, not the L. (13:47) Case you got to look at the L once you're the 10. (13:51) Yeah.(13:51) But you're not actually a 10 in this example. (13:53) Yeah, exactly. (13:53) You go back to two.(13:54) You convinced yourself. (13:56) You convinced yours. (13:57) This is the best example.(13:59) And we'll go at the best example. (14:01) I think this example lands lands for me. (14:04) There are some people that do a bodybuilding show to win the show.(14:07) There are also some people that have gone on this, this world-class weight loss journey. (14:12) And that's like their final thing. (14:13) I'm going to celebrate by doing a bodybuilding show.(14:15) They know they're not going to win. (14:17) They don't expect to win when they don't win. (14:20) They shouldn't look at that.(14:21) They shouldn't be like, well, I got, I got eighth place. (14:24) That wasn't the point of this was not to win. (14:26) The point of this is that you just lost 200 pounds and turned your life around.(14:29) Focus on that shit. (14:30) And you have the confidence to show up in a bikini and or board shorts, whatever, whatever you're wearing.

Alan Lazaros

(14:35) But, but what if they want to go to the next level? (14:37) Then they have to be upset. (14:39) They didn't win.(14:40) You know, isn't it weird how that shifts? (14:42) It has to shift.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:43) I don't think they have to be upset. (14:45) I think they have to lock in the now. (14:49) What could I do now?(14:50) What could I do? (14:51) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(14:52) But from not from a place of. (14:53) But it doesn't stay the same throughout, like level one, level two, you can't do that forever. (14:59) You can't just look at wins.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:01) But yeah. (15:01) But like after five, get to five and then you can, then you start looking at else.

Alan Lazaros

(15:05) Yeah. (15:05) But when you came home from Brendan Burchard that time, cocky, like you need to look at L's before your next speech, you know? (15:13) Yes.(15:14) So that's a very unique circumstance. (15:15) Fair. (15:16) I still think there's something here that we're missing.(15:19) I know we got to go, but it's obvious. (15:24) If all you do is look at wins, you're delusional. (15:27) And if all you do is when look at losses, you're delusional in the wrong direction.(15:30) You feel like you're terrible. (15:31) So, so there's all, it's a, it's, it is, it's 90, 10, and then 20, 80, and then 70, 30, and then 60, 40, then 50, 50. (15:40) And then it flips.(15:41) Yes. (15:43) And then, but that's. (15:46) You have to have the self-awareness to know when it flips.(15:48) And you have to have the self-awareness to know what the right percentage is.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:54) Yeah. (15:55) And you don't, you'll never will have the right percentage. (15:59) You'll almost never.

Alan Lazaros

(16:00) The bigger the goal is, the harder you're going to have to be on yourself. (16:04) I just have to keep saying that. (16:05) I don't know why it feels out of integrity not to.(16:08) I'm, I'm in alignment with that. (16:08) If you, if you really want to achieve, like, but I've found no exception to that.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:13) You're assuming that when somebody sets the big goal, they already have above average belief. (16:18) They do. (16:19) Otherwise they wouldn't set the fucking big goal.(16:21) They, um, people set goals. (16:22) They don't believe it all the time. (16:24) I don't understand.(16:25) I've done it. (16:27) That's how I know. (16:28) How you and I have known the same people and you'll come and be like, yeah, I was talking to somebody today and they said this.(16:33) It's like not a fucking chance. (16:34) They do not believe that as possible at all. (16:36) How do you know?(16:37) I don't know how to explain it, but I, I can just tell you that's not real. (16:43) That's not real. (16:45) They were probably riding on a high.(16:47) They're like, yeah, I feel like I could probably be the best speaker on the planet. (16:51) At some point. (16:52) No, you don't.(16:53) You definitely don't know. (16:55) I'm not saying you shouldn't. (16:56) I'm not saying you couldn't.(16:57) I'm not saying that shouldn't be. (16:58) If you don't believe it.

Alan Lazaros

(17:00) When you say believe it, you mean subconsciously and unconsciously. (17:03) You don't mean consciously. (17:05) I mean, we got to do an episode on that because belief is unconscious, man.(17:09) It's subconscious. (17:10) It's not the, I think I can X.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:14) It's, it's deeper. (17:15) You know, I'd love, I'd love to do an episode because I feel like I would learn a lot in that because for me, it is always, I'm running through the Rolodex of things.

Alan Lazaros

(17:22) So for me, unconscious doesn't believe in certain things. (17:26) That's why you have to prove yourself wrong. (17:28) Your conscious actually does.(17:30) Sometimes my consciousness, but your unconscious is like, I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:33) I think sometimes my conscious, my conscience doesn't think I can do it too.

Alan Lazaros

(17:37) Well, obviously. (17:38) Yeah, of course. (17:38) Of course.(17:39) We should do an episode on that. (17:40) So there's, there's layers to it. (17:44) There's conscious, subconscious and unconscious.(17:46) Unconscious is the thing that's beating your heart right now. (17:50) Belief is there. (17:51) There's belief deep down in there.(17:53) And some, mostly subconscious, honestly, but I consciously didn't know I had a ton of self belief, but deep down, I always did, you know, and that's why I don't even know what it's like not to. (18:05) And then vice versa. (18:06) I've met people who think they believe in themselves that they definitely don't.(18:10) And we should totally talk about that because that's like never, I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:13) I got to study. (18:14) I got to do some studying before that one for sure. (18:17) Yeah.(18:17) Sounds good. (18:18) I like to come correct. (18:19) All right.(18:19) If you're looking for a coach who can help you dial in the things we talked about today, that's one of the best ways to get self-awareness is to bounce ideas off of Alan or anybody, but Alan in general. (18:28) Alan and I have been bouncing ideas off each other for a long time. (18:31) Me more than you bouncing ideas.(18:32) And it's been super helpful because you can see the blind spots that you can't recognize in yourself. (18:36) Somebody else can see them usually very clearly. (18:39) So reach out to Alan.(18:40) Next Level Nation, private Facebook group with amazing humans like you. (18:43) We'd love to have you if you're interested and you're a good person and you're trying to get to the next level and all that happy jazz. (18:48) As always, we love you.(18:49) We appreciate you. (18:50) Grateful for each and every one of you. (18:51) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single freaking day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(18:58) Keep leveling up every day to reach your full potential. (19:01) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:03) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (19:07) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(19:09) We mean it when we say family. (19:11) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:15) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:18) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.