How Many Decisions Can You Make Towards Your Potential? (2416)

What if the thing pushing you forward is also the thing keeping you stuck?

In this episode, Kevin and Alan unpack the connection between self-belief, motivation, comparison, and personal potential. They challenge the idea that every hard truth, intense standard, or motivational message works the same for every person. What builds one person may break another, and real growth starts with knowing the difference.

This episode gives a sharper way to think about self-awareness, performance, identity, and long-term consistency. They explore why belief matters, why comparison must be used carefully, and why your path to the next level has to be built around what actually improves you. Listen before borrowing someone else’s operating system and wondering why your life keeps buffering.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:16) How low belief becomes a cycle
(7:41) Why the environment shapes confidence
(13:47) Choosing the right comparison level
(24:12) Why motivation must be personal
(30:52) Balancing belief with humility
(33:22) Knowing what builds or breaks you
(40:15) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) This is my thesis that we're going to talk about in today's episode. (0:04) When you have money, it is way easier to make money because you have the abundance to risk the money you already have. (0:10) I am convinced belief is the same thing.(0:13) When you have an abundance of belief, it is way easier to accomplish or to get to your maximum level of potential because you already believe you can.

Alan Lazaros

(0:24) That's my thesis. (0:26) Belief, I used to think that the most important principle of success, this was 10 years ago, is you are the sum average of the five people you spend the most time with. (0:37) That's still number two, is who you surround yourself with.(0:40) Number one, without question, hands down, above anything else, is self-belief. (0:45) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:48) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:49) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:52) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:59) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:06) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:21) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:28) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:34) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2416, How Many Decisions Can You Make Toward Your Potential? (1:40) That's Alan's title. (1:42) Alan gave you that title.(1:44) All right, this is what I was thinking. (1:46) You know how at times it feels like I am, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? (1:56) Full of shit?(1:57) Yes, I am at times full of shit. (1:59) I'm just joking.

Alan Lazaros

(2:00) I'm literally joking.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:01) I don't get that at all. (2:03) I'm decrediting, at times I am for sure, decrediting your accomplishments. (2:06) Oh, invalidating.(2:08) Invalidating, lessening.

Alan Lazaros

(2:09) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (2:09) Right, it's in that. (2:11) It's, uh, it's, you, in your effort to explain how much easier things are with high self-belief and or giftedness, sometimes it's like, brother.(2:30) A lot of that was work ethic and choices and the extra reading and the extra laps and the extra, so, but it's hard to know. (2:38) Yeah, it's invalidating as fuck.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:40) What if all of that is exponentially easier for you than it is me?

Alan Lazaros

(2:47) Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good what if.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:49) What are your thoughts on that? (2:52) Because I think that's the weird, that's the weird thing. (2:54) We were talking about this before.(2:55) It's like, you hear it all the, you hear this in, I've heard this in a lot of rap songs, where like rappers get very, they make money and then people start offering them free shit. (3:04) And like, I needed the free shit like when I didn't have the money. (3:06) I don't need you to give me 60 pairs of shoes because I, now I have money to buy shoes.

Alan Lazaros

(3:11) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:11) I think there's like something weird about that when it comes to self-belief and when it comes to trying to maximize your potential and reach like your potential. (3:22) Is the more you do it earlier on, the easier it is to set goals. (3:30) Like there, I think the reason I didn't have any fucking goals is because I had never accomplished any of my goals.(3:34) So it didn't make sense for me to be like, okay, I couldn't get a job at the warehouse. (3:41) Honestly, I'm just going to be a fucking CEO instead. (3:45) I think that's what I'm going to do.(3:47) I'm just going to go start my own company and I'll just do that. (3:50) And I think it got like ingrained in me that I was never going to be successful. (3:55) I never thought I could be.(3:56) And that's like that vicious cycle. (3:59) Thoughts on that? (4:00) No, no.(4:00) So this is good. (4:01) This is awesome. (4:05) Like, did you know you were really good at things when you were, when you were really good at video games?(4:09) There used to be this place called Airport Video. (4:12) Oh yeah. (4:13) Alan and I lived in the same town when we were younger.(4:15) Yeah. (4:15) And you could just go play video games. (4:17) Airport Video, shout out.(4:18) That place was sick. (4:20) Yeah. (4:20) You could just go play video games there.(4:21) Oh yeah. (4:22) Land party. (4:23) And you were very good at video games.(4:26) Did you know that then? (4:28) How did you know that?

Alan Lazaros

(4:34) Okay. (4:34) All right. (4:35) Here we go.(4:35) So the thing that I think is hard about this is when you are really good, you also rise to the level where you're competing with really good people. (4:53) So there was someone named Dan Bessa. (4:56) Dan, shout out to you for whatever reason.(4:59) Listen, he was one of the best in the state for Halo 1. (5:05) And I was one of the best in the world at Halo 2. (5:08) And he had this reputation at Airport Video and he was like a god to everybody.(5:13) And that was actually the name of their clan, the gods or something like that. (5:18) Anyways, I knew we were good. (5:21) Nick and I had one of the best 2v2 teams in the world at Halo 1, Xbox Connect, and then Halo 2.(5:27) But you didn't really know because in Halo 1, there was no worldwide leaderboard. (5:35) With Halo 2, Bungie.net had a leaderboard. (5:39) Halo 2 was like the first Xbox Live massive multiplayer first-person shooter game.(5:46) Okay. (5:47) And then I would win all the tournaments at Airport Video. (5:49) I remember one time I told you the story.(5:51) They put a little six-year-old girl on my team and I still won. (5:53) I had her hide in the bunker, right? (5:56) And the truth of the matter is when you are really good, you kind of know that you're better.(6:02) So when I was really young, James Bond, 007, Halo 1, I used to think everybody else sucked. (6:12) I didn't think I was that good. (6:13) I just knew everyone else was terrible.(6:17) But it's not that they suck. (6:19) It's that you're really good. (6:20) And then one more tiny story.(6:21) Super Smash Brothers N64, you ever play? (6:23) Yeah, I'm one of the other go. (6:25) Come on.(6:25) Yeah, what a great game. (6:26) I thought I was really good because I crushed all my friends and I was Link. (6:30) And if you study the game, Super Smash Brothers meta game, Link is the worst character.(6:36) He can easily get what they call side-bitched in the old lingo. (6:43) And I went to UMass Amherst to party. (6:46) This was my sophomore year of college, freshman year of college.(6:50) And Kiki went there and I played against some of the best players there. (6:54) I got smoked. (6:55) And I immediately switched my character to Pikachu.(6:57) And the next year I went back, I won. (7:00) So the truth is you don't really know how good you are because you're just good in a small pond. (7:05) And then as you raise your level, I didn't know.(7:11) I knew I was really good at Halo in like a local setting. (7:14) And I knew I was one of the best in the world at Halo 2. (7:17) And I joke, I went to college and got a girlfriend.(7:20) But the truth of the matter is you don't really know how good because you're only better than everyone else in that small pond. (7:28) And then later on, you're like, oh, you either find out, holy shit, I'm actually unbelievable. (7:33) I'm better than I thought.(7:34) Or you find out, like, I didn't pick up basketball. (7:37) I was pretty good in Uxbridge, but Venice Beach, I get dunked on, right? (7:40) So there's levels.(7:41) And the key to this episode is if we go back to self-belief, your self-belief is entirely predicated on the echo chamber you're in, the pond you're in. (7:54) How is a big fish in a small pond supposed to know they're actually a tiny minnow in a huge ocean? (7:58) It's very hard to know.(8:00) Nowadays, it's not as difficult because of social media.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:04) Yeah, but honestly, if anything, it's the other way. (8:06) Brother, I'm looking every time. (8:08) I don't even want to post my lifts on my social media.(8:11) It's like I squat. (8:12) I squatted 425, I think, this year. (8:15) That is elite.(8:17) Yeah. (8:17) That's an elite squat. (8:18) Not on social media.(8:20) That's what these people warm up with. (8:22) That's nothing on social media. (8:24) So if anything, I think it's made us feel like we're an even smaller fish than we actually could be.

Alan Lazaros

(8:29) I agree with that.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:30) I do agree with that. (8:31) That's a whole other piece. (8:32) I have a question for you.(8:33) Yeah. (8:34) At what point, because I think this is a really, I was going to say it's a really strong indicator of self-belief, but I also don't think it is because we can get into it. (8:42) At what point did you start shitting on yourself for not being, for being better than?(8:50) Always.

Alan Lazaros

(8:50) Always. (8:51) 24-7, 365, at all times. (8:54) I literally would get beat at Halo very rarely.(8:59) And I would say, I was chewing gum. (9:00) I wasn't even trying. (9:01) Go.(9:02) Run it back. (9:02) And I'd crush.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:04) Okay. (9:04) How did you know that wasn't detrimental to your self-belief? (9:08) Yeah.(9:08) Because that's the thing is like, how many people out there are like, oh, I never let myself, like Bill Burr, there's this example of Bill Burr did like a 45 minute special, fucking crushed it. (9:22) I don't know. (9:23) This is his story.(9:24) Crushed it. (9:26) And when he got off, somebody was like, how'd you do? (9:29) And this guy hung in there too long.(9:30) And they're like, Bill, you just crushed it. (9:32) Like you just, nobody could do what you just did. (9:34) And the only thing he was focused on was, I hung in there too long.(9:38) If anybody else does that, that is wildly detrimental.

Alan Lazaros

(9:41) I do realize that now.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:42) Yeah. (9:42) So how do you know the difference?

Alan Lazaros

(9:46) I think you figure out whether or not it's constructive or not. (9:50) Like based on what?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:53) Whether you do it again.

Alan Lazaros

(9:54) Yeah. (9:55) Whether you're getting better. (9:56) I mean, okay.(10:04) I don't even want to tell this story, but I have to. (10:07) So you're not going to get this and I'll try to provide context because unless you were a semi-pro gamer, the arguably the best console gamer on earth is Ogre 2. (10:17) Ogre 2 is a very famous in the video game world.(10:20) If you're in the video game console world and you're a millennial, you know that name. (10:23) Otherwise you definitely don't. (10:25) I played with him and his brother and I got kicked out of the room.(10:29) And I used to think it was because I wasn't good enough, but I was stomping them. (10:32) And I think I got kicked because I was so good. (10:36) I didn't realize that until I reflected back.(10:38) And for anyone who might be listening, who be gamed growing up, you reassess your past from a higher level of awareness. (10:48) And you realize that a lot of the things you thought were the case were processed inaccurately. (10:55) So I thought I wasn't athletic.(10:57) I'm not joking. (10:59) I thought I was wildly unathletic. (11:01) When I look back, I have so many trophies in my basement, soccer, football, basketball, trophies and trophies and ribbons and trophies.(11:08) I mean, but I was, I told you about my, one of my closest friends growing up had three older brothers that were rockstar athletes. (11:16) And I played against them and I thought I sucked because compared to them, I did. (11:20) But they were four years older and six years older and eight years older and 10 years older.(11:25) So when you're a kid, you don't know that you're good because you're comparing up. (11:33) I'm always comparing up. (11:35) Like Mark was better at football than me.(11:37) Kiki was better at track than me. (11:40) Like, uh, I always compare up. (11:44) So you're 20th in the world.(11:46) I didn't give a fuck about that. (11:47) I'm trying to go for number one. (11:49) I was 20th in the world in Halo 2, Bungie.net.(11:52) And one of the top players in the world, his name is Strongside, is Gamertag. (11:56) He was on Ogre 2's team. (11:57) I kicked him off my team because he kept taking the sniper rifle and I was significantly better than him.(12:02) So the point is, yeah, and then I found him at MLG years later when I went to college and it was like, oh my God, I might've made a mistake here. (12:09) But, and you know, he's unbelievably successful at that point. (12:12) Final boss, the most successful MLG team of any console game ever.(12:17) Like this whole thing. (12:18) But my point of this is when you have a lot of self-belief, you don't compare down ever in anything. (12:24) It's actually detrimental to compare down.(12:27) I've had to force myself to like compare down. (12:31) I was competing with Tony Robbins when I first started speaking. (12:34) My first speech, I was comparing to Tony Robbins.(12:38) When we went to Brendan Burchard, I was comparing to Brendan. (12:42) I still, to this day, compare to the best on earth in everything I do. (12:49) I know that I'm not, but here's the thing.(12:53) Okay. (12:53) You and I talked about Glenn Powell in the movie, Anyone But You. (12:57) Hilarious film, whatever.(12:59) Glenn Powell's in great shape. (13:00) I think he's natural. (13:01) I know you might not think so.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:03) I don't believe anybody is anymore.

Alan Lazaros

(13:05) Okay. (13:05) I think that that is possible naturally. (13:08) I was natural and I was at that level when I was competing.(13:11) So that was good for me. (13:14) Seeing him in that movie was like, yes. (13:17) Yes.(13:17) I know I'm capable of that. (13:20) Even at 37, 38, 39, 40, even if I don't get there, I'm going to try. (13:25) So I always compare up, but I don't compare up with unfair games.(13:30) So I'm not comparing up in basketball because I've decided in advance not to play basketball. (13:34) I'm not comparing up in bodybuilding because I'm not intending to do steroids. (13:39) So I try really hard not to do unfair comparisons, but I do think I try to pick constructive up comparisons.(13:47) And I don't think comparing up is always good for everyone. (13:51) I don't think it is most of the time. (13:52) Yeah.(13:52) I think if you have low self-belief, you got to compare even or down. (13:58) If you have a ton of self-belief, you got to compare up. (14:01) For sure.(14:02) Off. (14:03) You got to compare up.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:04) For sure. (14:04) Yeah. (14:05) But I think that's the thing is like, I think people hear that, not from you, just in general.

Alan Lazaros

(14:10) But they do. (14:11) They hear it from people with high self-belief and they think they're supposed to compare up.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:15) A hundred percent. (14:16) I was listening to the stuff that motivates you does not build you. (14:19) That.(14:20) I was listening to, I had leg day. (14:22) I, the last, uh, what was it? (14:25) Saturday.(14:26) Friday night. (14:27) I went to bed feeling great. (14:28) I woke up at 2 a.m. Saturday. (14:29) I could not fall back asleep. (14:31) So I just got up. (14:32) I did mobility.(14:33) I went to the gym at four. (14:34) I did legs and it was just like a different suck. (14:36) It was like, this is fucking terrible.(14:38) So I was just listening to motivational stuff. (14:39) Nice. (14:40) And it was Eric Thomas.(14:43) And we've seen him live. (14:44) And again, I like the, when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, like, I get it. (14:48) I get it.(14:49) But he was talking about how, you know, I was, I was broke and I slept in abandoned buildings and all this stuff. (14:57) And that's extremely motivational. (15:00) But as somebody who, I don't think I could have done that in the beginning.(15:05) Like I, that makes me feel, it motivates me for a moment, but it's like, wow, he's so much different than I am. (15:10) I can never do that. (15:12) And he's talking about how he still eats chips off the floor in case he ever has to go back.(15:16) So he'll be prepared. (15:17) And it's like, that's a little fucking extreme.

Alan Lazaros

(15:20) Again, who am I? (15:24) No. (15:24) I would sleep in an abandoned building in a heartbeat for my dreams.(15:28) In a heartbeat. (15:29) I would now. (15:30) Yeah, now, but I wouldn't at the beginning.(15:31) Yeah. (15:32) I wouldn't have, I don't think I had it. (15:33) You have to, I had to die for it.(15:36) I'm not saying that. (15:37) I mean, actually.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:38) I know, I know.

Alan Lazaros

(15:39) But this is, this is good that we're.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:41) But in the beginning, everybody fucking says that.

Alan Lazaros

(15:44) I know.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:45) And how many people actually mean it? (15:48) I would die for this. (15:49) You've seen me almost die for this.(15:51) Yeah, I know.

Alan Lazaros

(15:51) I would.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:52) Now, my, my decision-making paradigm is drastically different now that I have, that I have a wife, as I'm sure yours is.

Alan Lazaros

(15:58) Well, let's talk to young, younger Kev. (16:00) Like, cause you used to listen to stuff like that. (16:02) What did you think then?(16:03) Was there this part of you that was like, that I'm different? (16:06) Or. (16:07) No, it got me hyped.(16:09) I was like, fuck yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:11) But if I'm being honest, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have done a lot of this shit. (16:14) I was listening to Greg Plitt. (16:16) Yeah, yeah.(16:16) RIP. (16:17) Yeah. (16:18) And it was just like, number one.(16:21) Does it resonate more now? (16:22) Now that you're free? (16:23) Now, yeah, but it's because he wasn't, dude, he was fucking jacked.(16:27) You could tell, Greg, you could tell me all you want about the gym, brother. (16:30) You are in the best, you are in better shape than I will ever be. (16:32) They literally made a fucking movie character based on your physique.(16:36) You've done it.

Alan Lazaros

(16:37) Best natural physique on earth, I think.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:39) You've done it. (16:39) I don't think he was natural, but you've done it, brother. (16:42) You have done it.(16:44) That resonates differently. (16:46) Because he, he. (16:48) Why does it resonate differently?(16:50) Because he didn't get famous for being motivational. (16:52) He got famous for being jacked.

Alan Lazaros

(16:56) I don't agree. (16:57) And being disciplined. (16:58) He got, he got famous for being what a lot of young men look up to, right?(17:05) He was in the Army Rangers. (17:06) He had a lot of credentials behind all that. (17:08) And again, he also had a huge ego, but he, he also backed up the ego.(17:14) Yeah, for sure. (17:14) Because I think he walked it more. (17:16) I agreed.(17:18) Of all the motivational fitness people I've, I think he walked it probably more than anyone. (17:24) But I still, what did you say? (17:26) Goggins is up there.(17:27) Yeah, but I, I, I still have trouble with that much ego. (17:32) Same, I do too. (17:34) But I also think you need that warrior side.(17:37) And I think that that's the point of those videos, right? (17:40) That's the same with rap. (17:41) Every rap video, every, every rap is like trying to unlock your warrior.(17:47) That's why I was listening to Eminem in the gym. (17:50) It's like, I don't necessarily like the man, but that song was dope. (17:56) And I think the warrior is just a part of us, but maybe not everyone has that.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:01) I don't like, does that? (18:03) No, the music thing gets me. (18:05) I was like crying when I was doing legs.(18:07) I was literally like crying. (18:09) But it's different. (18:09) That's different.(18:10) Well, I wasn't, no, dude, it was like the dad shit. (18:14) Like I went to a very dark place and I was like, you, fuck you. (18:18) You will never like that.(18:19) I'll get emotional now. (18:20) It was that more than anything for me. (18:23) But I just don't, I think I wanted to think I resonated with certain things because I thought I was supposed to resonate with certain things.(18:32) And I think that a lot of us get stuck in that weird.

Alan Lazaros

(18:35) It's never going to work if it doesn't actually work. (18:37) I know, but you don't know. (18:39) How do you know what works?(18:41) Especially because you're, it's like the colorblind thing. (18:43) It's, you know, I see blue and you see red, but we would never know. (18:46) Cause you call it blue.(18:47) We both call it blue. (18:48) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:48) If you do what you think works, but if you, if what doesn't work, that's exactly it.

Alan Lazaros

(18:54) You wouldn't know if it wasn't working. (18:56) Cause I know you see it working for me and you think it's working for you. (18:59) But what if it's a 10 X for me and a two X for you?

Kevin Palmieri

(19:02) That's maybe this, this episode is going to be different than I expected, but maybe that is the point is like you, do you know the only way to connect your potential to your accomplishment is to figure out like what, how are you wired? (19:14) Now? (19:14) I'm not saying we use as an excuse.(19:17) I'm wildly disorganized. (19:19) That doesn't mean that's an excuse for me to be disorganized forever. (19:21) That's not what I'm saying.(19:22) But knowing that going in, like knowing that you need to beat yourself up more than I do. (19:28) A hundred percent. (19:28) Because it's constructive.(19:30) Yep.

Alan Lazaros

(19:31) I just wish I knew that sooner. (19:33) You ever hear people later on say the greatest success or the greatest, the greatest revenge is enormous success. (19:43) And you hear people say, I would go back and thank, I have a list of people who I will thank internally for being shitheads because it motivated the fuck out of me.(19:53) Like you, Oh, the people who said not a chance, like laughing at my dreams. (20:00) Oh, it's so fucking motivating. (20:03) I can't wait to show you like, I'll get the last laugh.(20:07) And by the time I get there, I won't need to. (20:09) But you better believe that's what I'm using. (20:12) That doesn't do it for everybody.(20:13) I've been coaching for 7,000 hours. (20:15) Yeah. (20:15) It's a high self-belief thing.(20:16) Because if you have high self-belief, you always believe in yourself more than anyone else believes in you. (20:21) There's only one human on this planet who believes in me more than I believe in myself. (20:24) And it's Emilia Smith.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:27) How do you know it actually motivates you? (20:31) What a dumb question.

Alan Lazaros

(20:33) But like, seriously. (20:35) No, but maybe that's why it's a good question. (20:37) Because it gives you a giant uptick in energy.(20:40) I appreciate that reframe very much. (20:41) But I also, I like that because no one asks. (20:45) No one's dumb enough to ask.(20:46) I'm kidding. (20:47) No one's courageous enough to ask a dumb question.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:48) They're called motivational videos. (20:50) If they work so well, you wouldn't need them anymore. (20:53) You just wouldn't need them.(20:54) They'd go out of business. (20:55) You'd watch it once, you'd be like, fuck yeah, I'm ignited. (20:57) I know you need hits of it, right?

Alan Lazaros

(20:59) But that's it. (21:00) It's like the Mario Kart booster. (21:02) My miles for mindset thing, 43 days in a row now.(21:06) I thought about listening to her podcast. (21:09) And I was like, no, nope, can't do it. (21:11) Okay, why?(21:12) Our podcast is super motivational. (21:14) Absolutely. (21:14) Very construction, not construction, educational.(21:18) But I don't want to motivate me. (21:22) I want a motivational compilation of Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps, Serena Williams. (21:31) Like, I want the goats.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:32) But give me, yeah, but okay, give me this shit. (21:34) How does it still motivate you that somebody said you couldn't do this? (21:39) Because that's different.(21:40) They said that once or however many times, depending on how shitty they were. (21:44) But like, that's still in you.

Alan Lazaros

(21:46) I know a ton of people that still want to see me fail. (21:49) Ton of them. (21:50) I have a huge list.(21:51) Absolutely. (21:52) I'm not going to give it to you, but a huge list. (21:53) How often do you...(21:55) All the time. (21:55) Every day. (21:56) Always.(21:57) Always. (21:59) There are people who really want to see you fail, just so I don't win. (22:04) Well, you can fucking pound sand, because that can happen.(22:06) At the end of the day, they're just insecure, and they know their dreams won't come true. (22:11) That doesn't do it for me. (22:12) I can't stand when people don't believe in me.(22:14) Well, oh, baby. (22:15) Brother, you didn't have to use that. (22:18) You didn't have to take that pain and transform it.(22:22) Like, and now it's not as much. (22:24) People don't... (22:25) Now I am successful, so people don't...(22:28) Shit on me as much. (22:29) But I also understand a little bit, because I guess in hindsight, what I was saying was a little...

Kevin Palmieri

(22:37) Outlandish. (22:37) Yeah, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(22:38) Right? (22:38) Like, I literally said my career wouldn't even start till my 50s. (22:42) I now understand how weird that is.(22:44) I didn't get how weird that was before, because a lot of my friends also acted like they thought that way. (22:50) Right? (22:50) I mean, you used to act like you...(22:52) But that's because you thought you were supposed to. (22:56) I... (22:56) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:56) Yeah, if I could go back and coach... (23:00) If I could go back and coach me back in the day when I was learning from you, I would just be like, yeah, take that. (23:10) But like, don't take that.(23:13) Brothers, your first speech, probably fucking take it easy. (23:17) Okay? (23:18) If the crowd isn't doing cartwheels and shit, don't take it personally.(23:21) Like, don't lose sleep over it, you know? (23:24) And also, like, you know, fucking get up there and be vulnerable and give yourself. (23:30) Don't fucking hide and cower.(23:31) Nice. (23:32) But like, if it doesn't go well, you're not going to get an award at this, at the end of it. (23:37) At the end of your first speech, nobody's going to come up and give you the fucking Mario Kart trophy.(23:41) That's not going to happen. (23:43) Just go up there and give it what you got. (23:46) But like, I needed the wins.(23:48) I definitely needed the wins. (23:50) Nice. (23:51) Now, I don't really need the wins.(23:54) Cool. (23:55) That's happened over... (23:56) We had a conversation today and I was like, dude, it doesn't matter to me if I get X successes if I get one failure.(24:01) Like, that failure to me is what I'm going to look at. (24:03) I'm going to look at that.

Alan Lazaros

(24:05) And the reason why is that's now constructive. (24:08) That is now constructive. (24:10) One of the hardest things, and this is why I say this all the time.(24:12) I say this all the time to other podcasters and to clients. (24:17) Kevin is a podcaster who tolerates coaching, and I am a coach who tolerates podcasting. (24:22) What I mean by that is I'm way better one-on-one because I think everyone is motivated.(24:33) A couple things. (24:35) Everyone has different potential, obviously. (24:37) Boom.(24:37) Everyone has different levels of self-belief. (24:39) Boom. (24:39) Everyone has different motivators.(24:41) Now, the principles are the same. (24:43) Intrinsic, extrinsic. (24:45) We all want health, wealth, and love, but the buttons you have to poke are so different.(24:50) And it's not only depending on the individual. (24:53) It's depending on where they're at in the journey. (24:55) Like, think about how differently you're motivating yourself now than eight years ago, for sure.(25:03) And for the listeners, really hear me on this. (25:07) I want you to focus on persons, places, things, and ideas, books, podcasts that are constructive, not that just make you feel good. (25:16) Ask yourself, is my life getting better here?(25:21) As a coach, I called one of my clients out earlier. (25:24) I said, her husband wants her to be more warm and loving. (25:28) And I said, no, you're the CEO.(25:30) You need to be respected. (25:32) You don't need to be super vulnerable and be nicey-nice and take everyone to dinner. (25:36) You need to lead.(25:38) It's okay that they don't like you. (25:40) It's a 40-person team. (25:41) They don't need to like you.(25:43) They love him. (25:44) He's warm and loving and takes them to lunch. (25:47) You're the CEO.(25:48) You need to be the leader. (25:50) And it's okay that... (25:52) I'm not saying to be mean.(25:53) I'm not saying to be disrespectful. (25:54) I'm saying be okay with being a little intimidating. (25:58) Lean into it.(26:00) But I would never give that advice to someone who's overly intimidating. (26:06) All of this is predicated on the individual, the goals, the level of self-belief, and where they are in the journey. (26:13) And it's so hard when you're listening to podcasts to customize it to you.(26:23) And I don't even know if I know what to tell someone. (26:26) Like, how do you know if something's constructive or not?

Kevin Palmieri

(26:29) That was going to be my, maybe the realist question I ever ask is, there are people listening right now that this podcast is not constructive for.

Alan Lazaros

(26:39) Yeah, probably. (26:40) Right? (26:40) There has to be, to a degree.(26:41) There would have to be someone, probably, yeah. (26:44) I find that hard to believe, but go deeper. (26:47) Because I don't mean hard to...(26:49) I mean, emotionally, that's hard to believe. (26:51) Intellectually, it's like, of course. (26:52) But emotionally, it's like, oh no, this is destructive for someone?

Kevin Palmieri

(26:57) I mean, yeah, because... (26:58) Who? (26:58) Describe that person high level.(27:00) Probably somebody that's like really struggling. (27:03) Because even now...

Alan Lazaros

(27:07) I feel like you're so good.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:08) Yeah, but even now, I'm the person who doesn't believe in himself, but I still have a fairly massive high level of self-belief, compared to what I used to. (27:16) So I understand that if it was 10 and 0 and we were at 5, it's not that anymore. (27:21) It's probably 10 and 7.

Alan Lazaros

(27:25) So it's above 5. (27:26) Don't you feel like you're contextualizing everything we're saying? (27:31) I feel like we try to customize.(27:33) Well, we do. (27:34) Yeah, we do. (27:34) Almost to a detriment at times, where it's like, we could probably be more motivational if I wasn't constantly...(27:41) You and I are constantly like, and. (27:43) And. (27:44) And.(27:44) We're trying to show both sides of the coin. (27:46) But I think that's important.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:48) I do too, but I also think... (27:50) I don't know. (27:52) I'm curious to see what the percentage is for you.(27:54) 90% of the things I say here is the first time they're ever coming out of my mouth. (28:00) No, no. (28:01) Not for me.(28:02) Yeah, so much of what I say here... (28:04) But I also coach every day. (28:05) Yes.(28:06) Well, I'll come up with a random fucking thought that I have before bed, and it's like, I want to do an episode on that. (28:11) Let's see what Alan thinks. (28:12) Oh, Alan's in?(28:12) Cool. (28:14) Never... (28:14) I thought of this last night.(28:16) Here we go. (28:17) Let's give it a shot and see what happens. (28:19) So yes, while the goal is always to disassemble a thought and make it nice, I don't...(28:24) I can't say we always do.

Alan Lazaros

(28:25) My goal, and I would love to hear yours, but my new upgraded version of the goal... (28:32) Obviously, the macro goal is help everyone reach their full potential. (28:35) For me, that's always going to be it.(28:37) But with each episode on the micro... (28:40) Episode on the micro... (28:41) Annunciate is to be as constructive as possible for each individual.(28:48) Now, I believe it'll be more constructive for certain people and less constructive for others, but I don't think there's anyone that this podcast wouldn't benefit if they really took it in. (28:57) I do think it would be hard to listen to this right after the death of a family member. (29:02) Like, if you're really low, it would be challenging.(29:04) I feel like we do a good job at understanding that and trying to share both sides of the coin. (29:12) I know we try. (29:13) I know we try.(29:13) Someone said in book club that you guys aren't anything like the Manosphere. (29:21) And I said, that's a great compliment. (29:24) And I said, sometimes I feel like I am though, because I'm so fucking intense.(29:29) Yeah, but it's not a...

Kevin Palmieri

(29:30) I don't think it's an intensity thing. (29:31) I think it's a... (29:32) Well, when you watch it, you'll...(29:33) Disrespectful thing. (29:34) Yeah. (29:34) Yeah, it's a disrespect.(29:34) And it's like an entitled... (29:37) Look, if you're out there and you want to have an open relationship, what you do is not up to me. (29:44) But on there, one of the guys is like, yeah, we have an open relationship.(29:47) I sleep with whoever I want and she doesn't. (29:49) She's not allowed to. (29:50) It's like, well, that's not an open relationship.(29:51) And in my definition, it sounds like you just get to bang whoever you want and she doesn't get to do any of that. (29:59) A little weird. (30:00) I can't mess with that.(30:02) That's not my jam. (30:04) When you watch it, when you and Emilia watch it, I think it'll be a...

Alan Lazaros

(30:08) I didn't even mean the documentary. (30:11) It's not like I'm not familiar with that side of the spectrum of this industry. (30:14) You're going to be even more familiar with it after that.(30:18) I don't think anything's going to surprise me, although maybe it will. (30:21) But the point that I'm making there is, I said, I think the reason I believe Kevin and I are not considered a part of that is because we are very concerned with being disrespectful. (30:35) And if we weren't concerned with being disrespectful, that would be a concern.(30:41) And I also think the other piece of it is we grew up with women and didn't have fathers, and we don't have that sort of patriarchal mindset that a lot of other men do. (30:52) But back to the main point of this, if you're going to reach your full potential, it depends on what your level of self-belief is. (30:59) And you can build it, though.(31:05) Just because mine always seemed like it was there, it's more there now. (31:09) I'm certain, certain my self-belief is the highest it's ever been right now. (31:15) In pretty much everything, with the very small exception of me aging in fitness.(31:20) But even that, I still feel very, very belief. (31:25) I feel very, very belief. (31:26) No, but I hope everyone assesses that for themselves.(31:30) I, without a question, have more authentic self-efficacy and self-belief than I have ever had. (31:36) And I know life is going to hit me in the head with a brick. (31:39) I'm expecting that.(31:41) I'm preparing for that in advance. (31:43) Life is coming for all of us. (31:44) None of us are getting out of this thing alive.(31:47) So the humility piece is the other side of this coin of, you can believe in yourself 10 out of 10, but you better have humility in the other direction out of 10 in order to stay centered. (31:58) Because I think arrogance is the inability to balance self-belief and self-efficacy with an accurate understanding of your own importance. (32:12) The manosphere is inflated self-worth.(32:15) It's like you, it's entitlement. (32:17) It's, you think you're better than you are as a human, not just in the gym. (32:23) And just because I'm competent and intelligent and getting stronger and trying to reach my full potential does not make me infallible and unconquerable.(32:36) I think that like there are, I can get knocked to my knees at any fucking second. (32:41) And I know that. (32:42) And I think you have to hold that at all times in tandem with belief.

Kevin Palmieri

(32:49) When you're accumulate, when you think your accumulations outweigh your character, you're in a dangerous place. (32:54) For sure. (32:55) That's a very dangerous place to live.

Alan Lazaros

(32:56) Yeah, absolutely. (32:57) And it's wildly unfulfilling anyway, because it's empty.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:00) Well, I know, but nobody shows you everybody. (33:02) It's like, I'd rather do my crying in a Lamborghini, baby. (33:06) You know, I could, I fuck with that.(33:08) You do? (33:09) I've cried in some shitty cars. (33:10) I'd rather, yeah, I'd rather cry in a Lamborghini for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(33:13) It wouldn't make a goddamn difference to me.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:15) Of course. (33:16) But I understand. (33:17) I also- This is good.(33:17) I enjoy episodes like this. (33:19) It's different. (33:20) It's very often different than what I think we're going to talk about.(33:22) That my takeaway for this is, I think number one, this is why self-awareness is so important. (33:31) This is why self-awareness is so important, because you, it's honestly, you have to know whether it's constructive or destructive, because the person making it in so many cases could care less. (33:42) And in other cases, they just don't know how they don't know what's going to motivate you versus what's going to be constructive versus destructive.(33:50) Yeah. (33:50) Inside of you. (33:51) Yeah, you got to know.(33:53) And that takes fucking time. (33:54) It took me so long. (33:56) For so long, I compared to you on everything.(33:58) Everything. (34:00) And I think that was good for me because now it's made me really good at things that I don't think I would have been good at. (34:06) And I just have much thicker skin.(34:08) I think it was hovering. (34:11) It was very close to destructive at times, I think. (34:14) But it turned out constructive.(34:16) But I think it gave me a unique perspective on like what is constructive and destructive to people. (34:20) Don't compare. (34:21) Don't talk to yourself.(34:23) If you don't have the same level of belief in the gym I do, do not talk to yourself the same way I talk about my body. (34:28) Please don't. (34:29) That's not going to be good for you.(34:31) Will it sound cool?

Alan Lazaros

(34:32) I don't know. (34:33) But it doesn't feel cool. (34:34) Before we go, I want to make sure I know we're going to jump.(34:36) I had a coaching session, but we never have talked about this before. (34:40) On air. (34:41) I don't even know if we have behind the scenes, but definitely not on air.(34:45) I want to talk about why I'm so hard on myself. (34:48) Because what if I had a client once, I know you're listening. (34:55) She said, I want you to be as hard on me as you are on yourself.(34:58) And when I told that to Amelia, she said she would die. (35:03) What if what if people are wondering why we are like, why call yourself fat, Alan? (35:09) Like why?(35:10) It's constructive for me. (35:12) It's important to ignite my fucking warrior. (35:15) I'm not.(35:16) It's not going to ignite me. (35:17) Oh, you're doing pretty good, Alan. (35:19) Congratulations.(35:20) That doesn't do it for me. (35:23) So sometimes when I give trainings and coaching and next level live and I disclaimer everybody, I say, listen, even in book club, I said, if you're not here to reach your full potential, and if you're in a negative state, genuinely leave, it's not going to be constructive for you. (35:35) This is private for a reason.(35:37) Like you guys all know me. (35:38) I think there was one new person in there. (35:40) So like, but I'm not going to be fun and warm and loving.(35:44) And this we're reading a peak performance book. (35:46) I am here to tell you the hardest truth and to get you to face all of your inadequacies. (35:53) I know that that might be destructive for you.(35:55) I'm prefacing it. (35:56) So, you know, to leave for me, brother. (36:01) Hey, Alan, you're looking really good.(36:03) Thank you so fucking much. (36:05) I don't give a fuck. (36:06) I need to look at where I need to compare to Glenn Powell in that movie.(36:10) Not him now because he's let himself go a bit. (36:12) I it's not going to ignite me. (36:14) And so I think that we should do an episode at some point about like, why do people talk so negatively to themselves?(36:21) Emilia said this. (36:22) She said, Alan, you transmute shame very quickly. (36:27) Growing up, I was bullied a lot.(36:29) And I had to learn how to take these negative words and use them as fuel. (36:34) And so I'm wired in a way where I can bully myself. (36:37) You know, that Eminem quote, I bully myself.(36:39) Yeah, I bully the fuck out of myself. (36:41) But I know it's constructive and I know it's not for everybody. (36:46) And I think that some of these other people, like Kobe RIP, whether you like him or not, he tells this story about one of his teammates and his teammate was having a shitty game.(36:59) And he was at the free throw line and he missed another free throw. (37:01) And Kobe yells, dude, you fucking suck. (37:04) And the NBA player started winning after that.(37:07) He started crushing it. (37:08) And Kobe, they were like, why are you such an asshole? (37:10) He's like, no, no, no, I know how to push his buttons.(37:12) This isn't fucking peewee football. (37:15) This is the NBA. (37:16) You do suck.(37:17) Get it together. (37:18) Listen, what if that's actually constructive for some people? (37:23) I don't want to be toxic.(37:24) I don't want to be disrespectful. (37:25) But I know what's going to get you to the next level. (37:30) And there's some truth to being hard on people in the challenge skill sweet spot who have high self-belief.(37:38) There are certain clients that I'm hard on on purpose because it works. (37:42) And they don't want me to be easier on them. (37:46) If you were my coach and you were like, hey, you did really such a good job there.(37:49) Now, I do need some love sometimes, right? (37:51) Like every now and then it's like, hey, you know, did a great job of group coaching. (37:55) Appreciate it.(37:55) Nice. (37:55) But like, I'm not going to see. (37:57) I don't care that much.(37:58) And it's nothing personal. (37:59) Thank you so much. (38:00) Awesome.(38:01) Appreciate it. (38:02) I don't value that as much as the things that are really impressive. (38:09) Like, if you had said, Alan, you're kind of out of your mind in the best way with what you did that night after next level live, like good.(38:16) Thanks for going to war for us. (38:17) You said that. (38:18) It's like that stuff.(38:19) It's like, nice. (38:20) Thank you for recognizing the effort and the intentionality that I put in because no one else knows. (38:26) But you know, and I appreciate it.(38:28) But never am I going to be like, hey, Alan, you know, you were really focused on that last episode. (38:34) I'm always focused, brother. (38:35) Thank you so much.(38:36) That doesn't do it for me. (38:38) Tell me where it wasn't optimal so I can get better. (38:41) Now, don't bully me and don't be a prick.(38:42) And you better have some legs to stand on here. (38:45) But at the end of the day, and that's why I told my clients this last piece, I'm not asking my clients to do anything that I'm not doing because I hated coaches who would like yell at you when you were a kid. (38:56) And it's like, yo, you're you never work out.(38:59) You never in the gym. (39:01) You're fat. (39:01) You're lazy.(39:02) You're divorced. (39:03) You're miserable. (39:04) You're unfulfilled.(39:05) And you're yelling at me like I want you to walk your walk. (39:09) And so I try really hard to walk my walk because I want to be able to be intense. (39:14) But I hope that I back it up in who I am behind the scenes.(39:18) And I think that that's very constructive for people. (39:20) I think I think we need some of that back. (39:23) I think we've lost some of it in the 21st century where everything's so damn easy and everyone's so easy on us that everyone's so afraid to offend us that we don't ever hear the real truth.(39:31) Hmm.

Kevin Palmieri

(39:32) Well, I think then when we do it, people over swing because it's like you're trying to get it all at once. (39:38) It's a whole thing. (39:39) All right.(39:39) If you're looking for a coach who is going to help you do what we talked about today, Alan's your guy. (39:43) Now, I know this is intense episode. (39:44) You will get intense feedback if that's what you need.(39:46) If you need more constructive feedback, you'll get that. (39:48) That's the beauty of the coaches on this podcast. (39:52) We can only talk to each other and who we assume is listening.(39:55) And we do know who's listening for the most part, but still, it's very hard to do that. (39:58) So one on one support is always going to be more constructive. (40:01) And we have Next Level Nation, private Facebook group of amazing people like you who are focused on getting to the next level.(40:06) There's some stuff in there that you won't see anywhere else because it doesn't get posted on social or maybe I do a live in there or Amy does stuff. (40:12) Alan does stuff. (40:13) So yeah, we'll have the link in the show notes for that.(40:15) As always, we love you. (40:16) We appreciate you. (40:17) Grateful.(40:17) Super grateful for each and every one of you. (40:18) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single day to help you get there. (40:24) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(40:26) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(40:28) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (40:32) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(40:35) We mean it when we say family. (40:37) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (40:40) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(40:43) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.