Is Ego Protecting You From Shame And Regret? (2419)

Ego does not always protect your future. Sometimes it protects the version of you that refuses to change. In this episode of Next Level University, Kevin and Alan break down how ego, shame, guilt, and regret shape personal growth, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and long-term behavior change. 

They challenge the popular “no regrets” mindset and explain why the emotions people avoid are often the same emotions that create discipline, humility, accountability, and transformation. Through real examples from coaching, finances, fitness, relationships, and past mistakes, Kevin and Alan show how growth starts when you stop defending your old choices and start auditing them honestly.

_______________________

Learn more about:

Track the Work. Earn the Results. To know more about the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group," reach out.

Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/ 

_______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:23) Ego, shame, and regret
(4:25) Turning regret into better choices
(6:52) Why painful emotions drive transformation
(9:55) Courage, silence, and responsibility
(12:19) Intention, approach, and result
(15:05) Facing pain instead of coasting
(16:56) Why success raises the stakes
(24:20) Outro 

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri
(0:00) Ego's job is to protect you from things that you are not ready for yet, that is a piece of it for sure, but if ego is protecting you from shame, from guilt, from regret, it's really hard to use those emotions as constructive opportunities to get better.
Alan Lazaros
(0:17) There's something called the psychological immune system, to Kevin's point, it protects you from hard truth that you cannot handle yet, but that is a double-edged sword because if you can't get that truth in, it won't change you and transform you.
Kevin Palmieri
(0:34) Welcome to Next Level University, I'm your host Kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host Alan Lazarus. (0:42) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.
Alan Lazaros
(0:48) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.
Kevin Palmieri
(0:55) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.
Alan Lazaros
(1:11) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:17) Welcome to Next Level University.
Kevin Palmieri
(1:23) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2419 is ego protecting you from shame and regret. (1:29) I feel like you and I are very different when it comes to many things. (1:34) Oh yeah.
(1:35) And you've asked so many times, hey, do you have any regret? (1:37) Like, what are your regrets? (1:39) Do you regret not staying in shape?
(1:41) You ask me that all the time. (1:42) No, I don't. (1:44) I still don't.
(1:45) I saw a picture of myself from COVID and I was like, oh my God, you fucking, you really fucking let it go. (1:50) But like, yeah, whatever. (1:52) You know, we're back now.
(1:53) I don't really regret it.
Alan Lazaros
(1:54) Not good for you for letting it go. (1:55) Good for you for saying that. (1:57) But I think it's powerful to admit that.
Kevin Palmieri
(1:59) People who don't admit that don't change. (2:01) But what's the difference between admitting it, feeling shame, feeling guilt, and feeling regret? (2:06) You could admit something and not regret it.
(2:07) I don't think I regret it. (2:09) But to the point of this episode, give me a fucking second. (2:13) For the point of this episode, I'm trying to make sure that I'm not, my ego isn't taking over to protect me from a truth.
(2:20) Well, that's my point.
Alan Lazaros
(2:21) That's why I'm asking why.
Kevin Palmieri
(2:23) Because I did it consciously.
Alan Lazaros
(2:25) That doesn't mean you don't regret it.
Kevin Palmieri
(2:27) I think it means you regret it less. (2:30) Yeah, probably. (2:31) Right.
(2:31) I consciously said like. (2:32) There's no part of you that regrets that? (2:34) I dude, I don't think so.
(2:36) No. (2:37) What am I? (2:37) I know I'm not going to fucking lift logs in the woods or no.
(2:41) When things go back, I'll go back. (2:45) It was that was it. (2:45) It was kind of my now.
(2:49) I also felt like I was making massive progress when it came to other pieces.
Alan Lazaros
(2:53) Yeah.
Kevin Palmieri
(2:53) Productivity. (2:54) So it's not like I was like, Oh, I'm going to take however many I'm going to take a year off of any growth. (2:58) No, no, I was still growing.
(3:01) It just wasn't.
Alan Lazaros
(3:01) The reason you don't regret it is because you made progress in other things you value.
Kevin Palmieri
(3:05) Yeah. (3:07) I think that's a piece of it. (3:08) And I'm sorry.
(3:11) And I am increasing my physique. (3:16) If I.
Alan Lazaros
(3:17) But you're never getting those years back, baby. (3:20) Those are gone forever. (3:21) I know, but I don't.
(3:22) I'm weird about stuff like that. (3:23) That's my point. (3:24) I'm trying to figure out why it's OK.
(3:25) I'm not making it wrong. (3:26) I just want to understand. (3:27) I want to understand too.
(3:28) My next question is, do you think that people who believe in themselves more have more regret? (3:34) Yeah, because of opportunity cost. (3:36) Exactly.
Kevin Palmieri
(3:37) I think my opportunity cost.
Alan Lazaros
(3:38) The opportunity cost is fucking gone. (3:41) You've lost what could have been.
Kevin Palmieri
(3:43) But it's gone. (3:44) Feel that shit. (3:46) Yeah, but but it can fuel you.
(3:48) It doesn't. (3:49) That's a whole other conversation. (3:50) Regret.
(3:52) I don't know, man, regret doesn't like fuel me.
Alan Lazaros
(3:55) Regret is the best teacher. (3:57) I understand. (3:58) So what did it teach you?
(4:00) You don't have regrets. (4:01) It's not going to teach you shit. (4:02) Yeah.
(4:02) Give me something you do regret. (4:05) The time you made fun of the guy who was when you were drunk.
Kevin Palmieri
(4:08) That's more shame than anything. (4:09) I found a picture from that recently. (4:11) It was like, oh, my God, it was it was me, you and Matt in front of like some fancy car at somebody's house.
(4:16) Like, what the fuck? (4:17) How the hell did we even get there?
Alan Lazaros
(4:18) I think I know how we got there.
Kevin Palmieri
(4:20) Believing. (4:21) Yeah, it was bullshit. (4:22) It was you that got us there.
Alan Lazaros
(4:23) It was my fault. (4:24) I regret that.
Kevin Palmieri
(4:25) I regret spending money stupidly.
Alan Lazaros
(4:29) Yeah. (4:29) Nice. (4:30) Okay.
(4:31) Yeah. (4:31) Okay, good, good, good. (4:33) Now you can take that.
(4:35) What's the lesson? (4:38) Stop spending money stupidly, obviously, but like, be specific.
Kevin Palmieri
(4:41) Yeah, yeah. (4:44) What's the lesson? (4:47) When you have when you have an abundance of something, the only way to maintain abundance of something is to treat it like you don't have any of it.
(4:58) Okay, so practically.
Alan Lazaros
(5:02) Um, what are you going to do differently based on this regret? (5:06) Lock in.
Kevin Palmieri
(5:07) I went to, I went up to Taryn's office today. (5:09) I said, hey, what is this fucking app? (5:11) It's like, it's like 30 bucks a month or it might even be 30 bucks every other week.
(5:14) Like, what the fuck? (5:15) What is this? (5:15) And she's like, oh, my God.
(5:17) Yeah, no, I'm going to cancel that right now. (5:18) Perfect. (5:18) Done.
(5:19) Awesome. (5:19) Love it. (5:20) Nice.
(5:21) That and this is my thesis. (5:23) The reason I regret it is because I can still see how it's affecting me today. (5:28) That's my thought.
(5:30) I can still see how all of those dumb decisions. (5:34) I had a car payment that was $757 a month, not three years ago. (5:38) That was fucking stupid.
(5:40) Agreed. (5:40) My new car payment is $600 a month. (5:42) I think that's dumb as shit.
(5:44) It is. (5:44) I might get a bicycle. (5:46) I might get a fucking bicycle.
Alan Lazaros
(5:48) I don't know. (5:49) I told one of my clients recently, you and I are going to get a new car, but that's the dumbest idea ever. (5:55) She's like, really?
(5:56) And I said, yeah, I don't make perfect choices. (5:59) Getting a new car is never smart. (6:01) It's not ever going to be smart.
(6:03) Right. (6:05) Just because you want to do something doesn't make it intelligent. (6:09) Yeah.
(6:09) But it can be more optimal, depending. (6:12) Yeah. (6:12) It's not as suboptimal as it used to be.
(6:15) Right. (6:15) Given on my circumstances. (6:16) Right.
(6:17) So anyways, and again, smart and dumb is predicated on constructive or destructive, which is predicated on a goal. (6:23) So if your goal is to experience having a great car, then maybe it is smart. (6:27) Right.
(6:28) But it's not financially smart. (6:30) And I think telling yourself that story ruins your ability to like make good choices in the future. (6:36) I have this new thing I'm doing with high net worth clients called financial chess.
(6:43) I've shown you some of it. (6:44) Yeah. (6:45) Really cool.
(6:46) Basically, it's a cost value analysis of how to make effective choices based on assets and debts and points. (6:52) And the reason why I regret to bring this back, regret, shame, guilt, I think are powerful emotions that need to be felt is because they are constructive for positive transformation. (7:09) Transformation is something if it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you.
(7:14) If the workout doesn't challenge you, it won't fucking change you. (7:21) If you go do easy workouts, your body won't transform at all. (7:25) I talked about adaptation and evolution.
(7:27) Adaptation. (7:28) Evolution is just adaptation over a long period of time. (7:31) So you can adapt in a day.
(7:33) You can evolve over years, decades, lifetime. (7:37) Right. (7:37) And then there's epigenetics that evolves over.
(7:40) Generations. (7:42) So Neanderthals 200,000 years ago used like stone tools. (7:51) OK, we've learned a lot since then.
(7:54) Why? (7:54) Massive regret, shame and pain and suffering. (7:58) We're supposed to learn from doing awful things.
(8:03) And if you're not ashamed of anything, you obviously aren't transforming. (8:07) You're not like self-assessing. (8:09) You're not auditing yourself.
(8:10) That regret, shame and guilt are necessary when you audit your own fucking behavior. (8:17) Like someone who says YOLO, no regrets, like they're probably a blast at a frat party, but their life is guaranteed to be an absolute mess unless they're putting on a show. (8:28) And the reason I say that is because when you're 10, you don't you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
(8:34) You're not supposed to be a 40 year old child. (8:37) Like there's a lot, there's certain people that I consider like man child. (8:42) Right.
(8:42) I think that's like a really mean thing to say about someone. (8:46) But there's some people, someone I'm thinking of right now, I talked about in the last episode anonymously. (8:49) He's like a 55 year old man child.
(8:52) What I mean by that is he never took responsibility for his own life. (8:55) He never faced and audited his own terrible behavior. (8:59) That's why he doesn't have his teeth.
(9:01) That's why he did too many drugs. (9:02) He drank too much alcohol. (9:03) Like he made terrible choices.
(9:05) Now, am I going to go and berate and bully and shame him and make him feel even worse? (9:09) No. (9:10) But someone should have said something.
(9:14) Someone should have done something to say, hey man, like shut your fucking mouth. (9:19) You talk all this talk, but you never walk. (9:22) Like, why don't you shut up?
(9:23) But no one had the courage to stand up to him. (9:27) And if I am ever around this man again, I'm not going to be ironically, I'm going to say something. (9:32) And it's going to, it's going to be something along the lines of you, you keep talking like you know everything, but honestly just shut up because you're not educated at all.
(9:41) You have an opinion about everything, but you don't have any merit underneath it. (9:45) You haven't earned the right to fucking just spew all this horse shit. (9:49) But if you don't stand up to the bully, you never get them to reflect.
Kevin Palmieri
(9:55) Yeah, but it's, is it your job too?
Alan Lazaros
(9:57) But they get to keep bullying people. (9:59) Yes, it's our job. (10:00) I see.
(10:01) That's where I, if you witness someone being bullied and do nothing, you're complicit in that. (10:05) Fair. (10:06) Yes.
(10:06) And? (10:07) Yes. (10:08) And?
Kevin Palmieri
(10:11) You don't know how this person's going to react. (10:13) I know. (10:15) So like it's that fine line.
(10:16) I a hundred percent.
Alan Lazaros
(10:17) Self-preservation. (10:18) I understand.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:18) But I think about this all the time when I'm out in public. (10:21) Like if something was to happen.
Alan Lazaros
(10:22) Remember that fucking guy with his kids in the airport? (10:25) Of course. (10:25) Yeah.
(10:26) And we just sat there and did nothing because we're fucking cowards.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:29) I, but if that's a fine line, you end up on TMZ, get into a fistfight with somebody at the airport and then you and I lose everything that we've built. (10:41) I know. (10:42) Which, you know, that's the question is, is it worth it?
Alan Lazaros
(10:45) Or you don't let it escalate to that level. (10:48) Yeah. (10:48) But if he throws a punch, you just.
(10:52) No, I'm going to counter it and hit it with a left hook. (10:54) Sit down, son. (10:55) Yeah, yeah, throw him down and then that's what it is.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:56) That's not good. (10:57) Self-defense, baby. (10:58) That's not good.
(10:59) I understand though. (11:00) I'm, I'm in the same mind. (11:01) I understand.
(11:02) But. (11:02) And again, you got to pick your battles, but you can't always, but that the re the question is, why are you doing it?
Alan Lazaros
(11:09) Do you hold any shame for not talking, standing up to that guy? (11:12) Do I hold any shame? (11:15) I feel like most shame comes from being cowardly.
(11:19) My shame in my life comes from being cowardly. (11:21) Most of it. (11:22) I don't know, but I also had a lot of things I should have stood up to.
Kevin Palmieri
(11:27) If you and I were there tomorrow, what would I do different? (11:30) I think that's the question. (11:31) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(11:31) What would you do differently?
Kevin Palmieri
(11:33) I would have said something. (11:34) I don't know. (11:34) I like to think I would have, but I don't know because I don't know if I think it would be worth it.
Alan Lazaros
(11:40) Would you hold any shame if you didn't say anything?
Kevin Palmieri
(11:42) I don't know. (11:43) Maybe, maybe it's a question for our listeners. (11:47) This is a, a drunk dad being a real, at least like he was hammered at nine o'clock in the morning, dragging his literally physically dragging his kids around the airport.
(11:57) Yeah. (11:57) Physically dragging them and it triggered.
Alan Lazaros
(11:59) I just put my earplugs in.
Kevin Palmieri
(12:01) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(12:02) Well, I mean, but I do have shame around being a fucking coward. (12:04) I do.
Kevin Palmieri
(12:06) But I think that in most things in my life, I just, I, and again, maybe it's fucking selfish to say, but it's, it's the question for me is what's going to come of this. (12:17) Like what's going to come of this?
Alan Lazaros
(12:19) Well, there's three things. (12:20) There's the intention, the approach and the result. (12:22) You're talking about the result.
(12:24) I think you have to, you need to think of all three. (12:27) I know you have to think of all three. (12:29) Intentions need to be optimal.
(12:30) The approach needs to be optimal. (12:32) And then the fucking result hopefully will be optimal. (12:34) Hopefully.
(12:34) But it isn't always.
Kevin Palmieri
(12:35) I had a call. (12:36) That's the risk you take. (12:37) I had a call with a client yesterday.
(12:39) Therapist met somebody out when she was out with her child, walking around where she lives. (12:44) And they said, Oh, I could, I could really use a therapist. (12:47) Like I'm looking for one.
(12:48) She's like, awesome. (12:48) Here's my information. (12:49) Bada bing, bada boom.
(12:51) Sent the, the guy sent seven text messages, left her five voicemails berating her on why she's not answering. (12:57) Isn't this person is not in a good place. (13:01) It's very easy to find out where her office is.
(13:05) It would not be hard for somebody to find her office and then follow her home. (13:08) That is what I'm thinking of that type of stuff. (13:11) Now I know that's extreme.
(13:13) And then you live in fear all the time. (13:17) Like, but I also see you. (13:18) I see you.
(13:19) Trust me. (13:19) I'm not, I'm not as worried about me as I am somebody else. (13:22) You want to follow me home.
(13:24) I like my odds. (13:26) I do not being arrogant, but like good luck. (13:29) You know, you're going to have to fucking kill me.
(13:30) Good luck. (13:31) I'm not, I'm not worried about it from that perspective. (13:34) It's not that I'm just saying for other people, it's like, I think you have to, is it, is it worth the potential pain in the ass slash whatever that comes with it?
Alan Lazaros
(13:45) Yeah. (13:45) Agreed. (13:46) I don't know.
(13:47) But if we all stay silent, things don't change.
Kevin Palmieri
(13:49) And yeah, it's a very, it is a very challenging conversation for sure.
Alan Lazaros
(13:53) Yeah. (13:53) That's how bullies get away with being terrible. (13:57) I mean, that's, that's really what it is is, you know, so, but for each person out there watching or listening at very least, audit yourself and figure out for you.
(14:07) Cause you know, maybe you aren't ashamed. (14:08) You don't hold any shame for that moment. (14:09) I do.
(14:10) This version of me would not stay silent. (14:12) This is that, and that's, I would risk it and I would do it appropriately. (14:16) I'm not going to just randomly hit the guy.
(14:18) It's not going to be anything like that. (14:20) Right. (14:20) It's just going to be something that isn't a cowardly act.
(14:25) I think that, uh, I'm 37 years old. (14:30) I'm still young, but in my future I will be less cowardly. (14:33) And the reason why is because I am auditing my fucking past and realizing that I was very cowardly compared to what would be optimal.
(14:43) And certainly compared to what this version of me is capable of handling. (14:48) And I believe that hopefully if I lead by example in that other people will too. (14:54) And well, you have, you have shame.
Kevin Palmieri
(14:55) You have shame around not doing that.
Alan Lazaros
(14:58) But I also wonder if other people do too. (15:00) They just don't admit it. (15:01) That's fair because it's painful.
(15:02) It is. (15:03) It's painful too. (15:04) It's emotionally painful.
(15:05) A lot of growth is emotional pain. (15:09) I think that's one of the reasons, I mean, people see that I'm really intense. (15:13) That intensity is built through, forged by fire and pain, right?
(15:18) Intensity. (15:19) It's like, what's underneath intensity? (15:21) Um, frustration.
(15:22) Okay. (15:22) What's underneath frustration? (15:24) Uh, someone or something in the way of a goal.
(15:25) Okay. (15:26) What's underneath the goal? (15:27) Uh, something that caused pain for me or someone I love.
(15:30) Why do I have the goal? (15:31) Because I want to make the world a better place because of the pain. (15:34) So like, if you aren't willing to face your own pain, your own regret, your own shame, your own guilt, you're never going to transform that.
(15:43) I really believe that. (15:43) Like we've been doing this for me, 11 years, you nine. (15:46) I've been in the personal development, self-improvement and personal growth space for fucking 11 years.
(15:51) If you aren't willing to face your pain, you will not transform. (15:56) You have to fucking use that pain. (15:59) You have to, you have to face the pain.
(16:01) You have to. (16:02) Otherwise you're just going to be this, like, you're going to be in coast mode. (16:07) You're not, you're not really growing.
Kevin Palmieri
(16:09) You're not really transforming. (16:11) I don't want the other thing is I don't want my ego to tell me I would do something that I wouldn't do. (16:16) That's the other piece is like, I think it's really easy to have shame and then have your ego run it.
(16:21) And then it's like, no, I would fucking never do that again. (16:24) Like if that ever happened again, this is exactly what I would do. (16:27) It's like, dude, I don't know what I would do.
(16:29) I'd be lying. (16:30) If I said I did, I'd be lying. (16:32) If I said I knew exactly what I would do.
Alan Lazaros
(16:34) Yeah.
Kevin Palmieri
(16:34) So I think that's the other piece too, is I'm trying not to overshoot it. (16:38) And I don't have as much, dude, I always stuck up for people in the past. (16:42) I've been in fist fights for friends.
(16:45) Like I was probably over on that. (16:47) It's like, oh, you want to pick on my friend? (16:48) Don't pick on my friend.
(16:49) Pick on me. (16:49) Like they can't defend themselves. (16:50) I can.
(16:51) Let's fucking square off and have ourselves one and see how it goes.
Alan Lazaros
(16:56) But, and this is, I know we got to go, but you also have a lot more to lose now. (17:03) That is a piece of it. (17:04) One of the weird things about making it for lack of better phrasing, being successful, we'll just say that is now you have a lot to lose.
(17:14) There are certain things that I won't say or do, not because I'm afraid of me being hurt, even though I am, but because I'm afraid of what that would mean for Amelia or my family. (17:26) Right. (17:26) And so, so one of the other reasons we stay silent and are cowardly is because we have a lot to lose.
(17:32) And that's one of the double-edged swords of being successful is we have a lot more to lose. (17:36) I've done some dumb shit though in the past too.
Kevin Palmieri
(17:39) But when you didn't have as much to lose. (17:40) Well, yeah, but now it's like, I don't want to, I'm like over, I've over swung. (17:47) I've like, there was a time.
(17:49) I'm not proud of this. (17:50) This is dumb as shit. (17:51) This is dumb.
(17:51) Some of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my entire life. (17:54) Dumb. (17:55) I was out with a group of friends.
Alan Lazaros
(17:57) I can always tell when Kev's going to say something vulnerable because his face is like a certain way. (18:01) Your eyes get really squinty.
Kevin Palmieri
(18:03) I smile. (18:03) Well, I'm taking myself back. (18:05) I was at a comedy show with friends and family of friends.
Alan Lazaros
(18:09) Okay. (18:10) So when you know a story is going to be good.
Kevin Palmieri
(18:11) Always. (18:12) I accidentally spilled something on, we were all drinking. (18:15) I accidentally spilled something on somebody and they got very mad at me.
(18:20) Yeah. (18:21) Just unreasonably angry. (18:23) It's like, I thought we were tight.
(18:25) Like what's going on here? (18:26) And they were not saying nice things. (18:28) So I was like, fuck it.
(18:30) What are we waiting? (18:31) Let's do it. (18:32) Let's do it.
(18:33) So we go outside and this person pulled a knife and I was like, let's fucking do it. (18:40) What are we waiting for? (18:42) Let's do it.
(18:42) Let's just do it right here. (18:44) Dump the shirt off. (18:45) Dump the tarp off.
(18:46) Let's go. (18:47) Dumb as shit. (18:48) Stupid.
(18:49) What, what, what is wrong? (18:50) Why would you do that? (18:51) Tell us what else happened.
(18:53) What else happened? (18:55) That was it. (18:56) Was there a fight?
(18:57) No, people wouldn't let it happen. (18:58) Obviously. (18:59) Of course they wouldn't.
(19:00) They don't want to see a murder. (19:01) You were ready. (19:02) Of course.
(19:03) I was drunk. (19:05) I was drunk.
Alan Lazaros
(19:06) You had less to lose back then, man.
Kevin Palmieri
(19:07) That like, dude, you know how many times you're out at a bar and you're like hanging out with a group of people and then.
Alan Lazaros
(19:14) Yeah. (19:15) One of the things, super side tension, but brief, uh, when you have a huge bright future that you believe in, you have a lot to lose. (19:26) There've been many times where I've been in some situations like that.
(19:29) I believe it. (19:30) Seriously. (19:30) Baseball bats, knives, guns.
(19:32) I believe it. (19:33) Yeah, it's really, we're letting it, we're airing some stuff out here. (19:37) Look, you know, I didn't know if I knew that we, I don't know, a lot of people like we grew up in the hood and all that shit.
(19:44) It's like, I think you and I have been in some pretty shady situations in our day.
Kevin Palmieri
(19:51) Looking back, I mean, a lot of it was self-imposed for me. (19:53) That was my own fault.
Alan Lazaros
(19:54) It was the people I spent time with for sure. (19:58) And, and I made those choices, but, but here's my point. (20:00) Uh, I have several on the Rolodex right now that were very not okay.
(20:05) Like we, someone's going to get fucking killed. (20:08) Okay. (20:09) And I remember I always had to like, Alan, you're going to go to fucking jail.
(20:15) Like you can't go to jail. (20:17) You're going to get kicked out of college. (20:18) You can't, when you have a big, bright future, people have leverage on you.
(20:23) They, and they can sense it. (20:26) And, and because they have nothing to lose and you have so much to lose. (20:30) And that's just something I wanted to give to everybody watching or listening.
(20:32) Like when you believe in a future that's very bright and you have a lot to live for, it's sometimes you, sometimes it gets leveraged against you. (20:44) Yeah. (20:44) And, and other people who don't value their life because their future isn't bright.
(20:48) Uh, you ever see the movie, The Breakup? (20:51) A long time ago, Vince Vaughn's character gets beaten up by Jennifer Aniston's brother. (20:57) Who's like a, a homosexual, uh, uh, uh, uh, what, what is it?
(21:03) Chorus. (21:04) And he's like, oh yeah, Gary is hilarious. (21:07) And he's, he's like, well, it's, you know, whatever.
(21:10) It's not my fault. (21:11) You know, you got beaten up by my brother. (21:12) He's like beaten up and more like it is.
(21:16) I got, I was half asleep and I got, you know, and, and he said, listen, I'm going to get my brothers. (21:24) These are a couple of Pollocks without a fucking future. (21:26) Okay.
(21:26) This isn't going to be the same. (21:28) And my point is, is I remember when I heard that scene, I remember thinking like, that's so true. (21:33) Pollocks without a future.
(21:34) What he means by that is like, they don't give a fuck because there's nothing to live for anyway. (21:39) That's a really dangerous thing. (21:41) And, and back to the point of regret, shame, guilt.
(21:45) I think human beings are cowardly when they don't face their past and they don't face their truth and they don't face the things that they should not have been doing. (21:59) And, and to the whole point of Next Level University, the company and the podcast, positive transformation is on the other side of admitting that you were suboptimal, admitting that you were worse and less than you could be. (22:13) You are, you're less than you could be.
(22:16) And so am I. (22:17) And that's where it fucking starts.
Kevin Palmieri
(22:19) Last story before we get out of here. (22:21) I told you this one before this is, this is, this was always funny. (22:24) I was hanging out with a buddy of mine.
(22:26) I didn't realize he was as big of a drug dealer as he was at the time. (22:30) Didn't realize. (22:31) And I'm, we're supposed to hang out.
(22:34) He's got this nice new car. (22:36) He says, Hey, we're going to pick up this kid. (22:38) And this kid was, I was fucking, everybody was terrified of this kid.
(22:43) Yeah. (22:43) Like he was one of the best athletes in our school. (22:45) He was a giant human.
(22:47) It was like this, there's no way this man is 17 years old. (22:49) This is not fucking possible. (22:51) And I was like, all right, what are we doing?
(22:52) He's like, oh dude, we're going to a fucking, a brawl. (22:55) And I was like, what do you mean? (22:57) He's like, we're gonna go fight some kids in a parking lot.
(22:58) I was like, dude, I don't want, I want nothing to do with this. (23:01) It's like the scene from Superbad. (23:03) He's like, hold him, hold him, hold him down or whatever.
(23:06) And he's like, no, no, that was me. (23:08) Like, dude, let me out of here. (23:09) So we went to a parking lot and I watched people fist fight and sat in the back of the car.
(23:13) And I was like, I'm not, I'm not doing this. (23:17) I'm not doing this.
Alan Lazaros
(23:18) Was that because you had a bigger future and you didn't want to be a part of that? (23:21) You end up in jail and then that's on your record.
Kevin Palmieri
(23:24) I wasn't friends with this person. (23:26) Why'd you pick me? (23:28) Pick somebody else.
(23:29) I don't know this man.
Alan Lazaros
(23:30) This is what happens when you act like a badass, Kev. (23:32) I know.
Kevin Palmieri
(23:33) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(23:33) You act like a badass until the rubber beats the road.
Kevin Palmieri
(23:37) I might've trained martial arts because I wanted to fight professionally, but I don't like fighting. (23:42) I don't, that's not, that ain't it. (23:43) I don't, you know, it's, that's not why I did it.
(23:46) I didn't do it because I was angry and I wanted to fight. (23:48) But I think the other piece of it is, I think for a while I probably had shame that I didn't do it because my ego would convince me like, dude, if you were really tough and you were a badass, you would have gone out and did that. (23:57) It's like, no, no, no, you were smart, son.
(23:59) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(23:59) That was intelligent. (24:00) That shouldn't be regret. (24:01) That's intelligent.
(24:03) So it's all depends on you. (24:05) Reflect on your past. (24:06) Where were you?
(24:06) I regret, you know, I regret not standing up to a lot of people for sure. (24:10) Yeah. (24:11) And then there's certain things where I was very smart like you.
(24:13) And I was like, all right, listen, I don't even know these people. (24:15) You guys do whatever the fuck you want, but I have to go to class tomorrow. (24:20) So, you know, but at the end of the day, everyone for the, for the listeners reflect, what do you regret?
(24:26) What do you have shame around? (24:27) What do you, what do you have guilt? (24:28) Guilt is you did a behavior that you think was suboptimal.
(24:32) Shame is you believe you need to change as a human fucking being. (24:38) And then regret. (24:39) I think there's always a lesson in that.
(24:41) Like, why do you regret it? (24:43) Admit it. (24:45) It takes humility to admit that you did or said something that wasn't optimal.
(24:49) I regret saying what I said to you the other day. (24:51) It's all good. (24:52) That's how I'm going to change it.
(24:53) Can you imagine if I was like, no regrets, bro, then I would just keep saying it. (24:57) You know, it's, it's so silly. (25:02) No regrets is the dumbest shit ever.
Kevin Palmieri
(25:04) It really is.
Alan Lazaros
(25:04) It's a lot of ego.
Kevin Palmieri
(25:06) We've all met a lot of you guys. (25:07) I'm going to be me. (25:08) I'm going to be the full.
(25:09) I'm just going to be me.
Alan Lazaros
(25:10) Everyone else is going to deal with it.
Kevin Palmieri
(25:11) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(25:12) It's like, well, that's ego. (25:13) Yeah. (25:14) Just be yourself, man.
(25:16) It's like, listen, be your better self. (25:19) Yeah. (25:19) Be yourself, but be better.
(25:21) Do better. (25:21) Be better. (25:22) The world gets better when you get better.
(25:24) I imagine if everyone had that philosophy, imagine if everyone was like, you know what? (25:28) I really regret that. (25:30) I'm sorry.
(25:31) You know, I'll do better. (25:32) And then they like go work on it. (25:34) I'm not expecting to be perfect, but I'm going to work on it.
(25:36) And that's, that's how a relationship gets better. (25:38) That's how finances get better. (25:40) That's how you become healthy, wealthy, and in love.
(25:42) It's the point of this goddamn podcast, but it's also a principle that I believe in through and through, because honestly, I think growing up, I wished that was the philosophy. (25:54) There was people in my life that weren't trying to be better people. (25:58) And it was, it was wildly devastating for a lot of people I loved.
Kevin Palmieri
(26:02) All right, squad. (26:03) If you're trying to get better at health, wealth, fitness, finance, family, any of that stuff, reach out to Alan. (26:07) Alan is your guy behind the scenes.
(26:09) You'll be tracking habits, setting goals in no time. (26:12) It's crazy. (26:12) It's crazy how fast it can start.
(26:14) I'm not saying you'll get there right away, but when you start, you feel momentum. (26:16) It feels good. (26:17) And if you're trying to get jacked, I dumped a, I put a picture today in the next level fitness accountability group, no shirt on.
(26:23) Well, it was technically, my shirt was open. (26:26) I'm trying to flash the very minimal abs we have. (26:28) They're coming back though.
(26:29) So if you're looking for a group of people that are focused on their own unique journey in fitness, I'm not saying you have to do anything I do. (26:36) I'm not saying you have to do anything Alan does. (26:37) It's really good to be accountable to a group.
(26:40) And fitness is one of the things that people struggle with the most. (26:42) Alan and I are leading the charge. (26:44) We're in there every single day.
(26:45) So yeah, reach out to Alan and or myself, email, Instagram, wherever we'll send you the link and you can hop in.
Alan Lazaros
(26:51) Next level warriors is something I've been referencing a lot on Instagram. (26:58) I've got all kinds of fitness stuff on there and the fitness group is awesome. (27:02) There's people in there every single day.
(27:05) And when you're in that group and you're not consistent, you will feel it. (27:09) And that's on purpose. (27:10) It's accountability.
(27:11) No one's going to bully you. (27:12) No one's going to hold, no one's going to be disrespectful to you, but we, there, there's an unwritten rule in this group. (27:19) You exercise consistently, you do something in fitness.
(27:25) And I think as someone who's been coaching for 11 years now, that changes behavior better than any other thing. (27:35) That's why an AI can't say, Hey, you should do better. (27:37) No, you don't care.
(27:39) You don't care. (27:40) You need a community of people who hold you accountable to a higher fucking standard. (27:44) That is what we're doing.
(27:45) That is what we're about. (27:46) And we're leading by example. (27:47) And if I wasn't, I would, I would shut my mouth.
Kevin Palmieri
(27:51) A little intense to end here. (27:52) As always, we love you. (27:53) We appreciate you grateful for each and every one of you.
(27:55) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.
Alan Lazaros
(28:02) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (28:04) Next level nation.
Kevin Palmieri
(28:06) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (28:10) We love connecting with the Next Level family.
Alan Lazaros
(28:13) We mean it when we say family. (28:15) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (28:18) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.
(28:22) Thank you again.
Kevin Palmieri
(28:22) And we will talk to you tomorrow.