We Get Lead Wrong With This (2423)

What if discipline is not your real problem, and the deeper issue is that your goals are built against how you are wired?

In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan break down why follow-through is not one-size-fits-all. Kevin shares how a simple shift in his workout setup helped him get out of the all-or-nothing pattern. Alan explains how numbers, structure, environment, and self-awareness can create consistency when motivation is not enough.

This episode challenges the generic productivity advice that tells everyone to operate the same way. Real growth starts with knowing what drives you, what drains you, and what kind of setup actually helps you take action. Stop forcing someone else’s routine. Build the path that makes your next level harder to avoid.

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Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

Join the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group" – Reach out to Kevin or Alan on Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:26) Understanding how you are wired
(5:18) Building consistency through self-honesty
(7:32) Designing your environment for success
(11:43) Choosing goals that actually matter
(15:04) Using pain as fuel for growth
(17:40) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) It was super interesting because Alan messaged me today in WhatsApp, and he said, hey brother, we have to change the label on our batch recording, because I can tell when it says NLU batch recording, it just doesn't move me as much as it would if there was a number associated, like how many episodes are we actually doing? (0:18) And I think that, I don't know, I think that's a superpower from a self-awareness perspective, and if you're out there and you can think of what moves you and what will actually get you to do the behavior, I'm willing to bet you will be way more successful.

Alan Lazaros

(0:32) Yeah, you have to hack your own motivation. (0:35) Hack yourself. (0:36) Understand what drives you and what doesn't.(0:38) Understand what works and what doesn't work. (0:40) You have to coach yourself when your coach isn't around. (0:43) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:45) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:47) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:50) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:56) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:03) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:19) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:25) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:31) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2423. (1:35) We get led wrong when it comes to this. (1:38) I woke up this morning.(1:40) It's 6 a.m. My 6 a.m. alarm went off. (1:42) Bada bing, bada boom. (1:43) Here we go.(1:43) We roll out of bed. (1:45) And I was thinking to myself, I do not want to exercise today. (1:50) I have no desire.(1:52) I have too much stuff to do. (1:54) I should just go sit in the office and work. (1:57) And then I put on my clothes.(1:59) I took my pre-workout because that usually gets me. (2:02) It's like, all right, you're good now. (2:03) And I was like, honestly, I don't really want to do it.(2:06) And I was like, okay, well, what don't I want to do? (2:07) Do I not want to work out? (2:09) It's like, no, it's not that.(2:09) I just don't really want to go. (2:10) I don't want to leave the house and drive to the gym. (2:12) It just seems like a waste of time today.(2:13) So I set up the treadmill at home. (2:15) I did my hour of cardio while working. (2:17) That's been like a hack for me lately is just working on my phone while I do cardio.(2:21) It's great. (2:21) And I got my workout done. (2:23) I got my office stuff done.(2:24) And it was really, really good. (2:26) I fell into a trap for a long time of like the all or nothing. (2:31) If I'm not going to the gym, I'm not exercising.(2:34) And getting on the treadmill was huge for me. (2:37) Another thing I did recently is I've started taking my laptop out of the office and like working on the couch at night or whatever it is. (2:44) 99% of the time I'm in here when I'm doing focused work, I get way more work done if I allow myself to do that.(2:50) For a long time, I fell into these like traps of it has to be this way. (2:56) And if it's not that way, I'm not going to do it. (2:59) And then eventually you figure out like that's probably not what's best for me.(3:03) And those are a couple examples of mine. (3:04) But I think you did that today when it came to we're batch recording episodes. (3:08) But if the label isn't right and it's not set up in a way that you're actually going to do it consistently and it moves you and it's actually accomplishing the goal, it's essentially fucking useless.

Alan Lazaros

(3:20) Yeah, well, we're all wired a certain way. (3:24) And some of this is nature. (3:26) Some of this is nurture.(3:27) But and I didn't know where to go with this episode because quite frankly, I think numbers, I'm wired for numbers. (3:35) Like I remember when I was a kid, I wouldn't let myself leave the court until I hit 10 shots in a row and I couldn't make them all easy layups. (3:45) Like some of these were three pointers.(3:47) And I was out there till 2 a.m. Just because I couldn't leave the court. (3:51) I make these little promises to myself. (3:54) I've been doing that my entire life.(3:55) And we were going to do an episode about seeking challenge. (3:58) And I think that maybe this is something that we can talk about here too, which is what does actually motivate you? (4:07) In book club, we were talking about experience driven.(4:09) We were talking about oxytocin and dopamine. (4:13) And the difference between male and female hormones and how we all have both oxytocin and dopamine, but females have more of a need for oxytocin statistically. (4:26) And dopamine is known as sort of the achievement drug.(4:30) And we're all sort of in the game of brain chemistry, is a quote in the peak performance space. (4:38) And so when I see the calendar and it says record two episodes, I'm more likely to lock in on the number two and actually try to get that done. (4:48) And that'll motivate me to be on time at the expense of the other things that I was doing.(4:54) And I don't think that that's normal, but I do think that that's me. (4:59) And so as I've coached more and more people, I got three new clients recently and it was a little bit hard for me. (5:11) I want to say this respectfully, but I also want to be honest.(5:15) I want to say it accurately. (5:17) How about that? (5:18) When you coach for a living, it does become very clear like, oh, you really don't know how you're wired.(5:26) Like that's not going to, you tell yourself a story, you're going to be consistent. (5:30) You're fucking not gonna. (5:32) And I wonder how many people spend their time hacking themselves.(5:36) Like if I'm not consistent at something, I can't do anything until I get myself to do it. (5:42) Like I have a streak of 57 miles, 57 days in a row of miles for mindset. (5:46) If I wasn't consistent, like the pliability thing, I wasn't doing mobility.(5:52) It bothered me every day. (5:54) Like every fucking day it bothered me. (5:57) And Emilia and I weren't doing it.(5:58) Eventually I bought the app. (6:00) And we have a Apple TV on the 115 inch in the middle of the living room with our yoga mats. (6:06) Like we've set it up to where you can't avoid this.(6:09) You walk out of the bedroom and your fucking ass knows you're going to miss this. (6:14) It's like the triggers are there. (6:16) There's investment.(6:17) We stacked all the intrinsic and extrinsic motivators to make sure we get it done. (6:22) Like you can say things are important to you all day, but if you're not doing them consistently, you need to call yourself out for that. (6:28) Because no one's gonna do that for you.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:31) Oh, they can't. (6:33) If you haven't been honest with yourself about what really motivates you, and maybe this episode is more about what doesn't. (6:40) What are the things that you have tried to convince yourself actually move the needle on progress that just don't?(6:46) And it's okay. (6:47) Everybody has to be different. (6:50) But that, I think we lose that.(6:54) I love social media because it offers a lot of perspective. (6:58) And there's a lot of value if you follow the right people, right? (7:01) But just because it works for somebody does not mean it's going to work for you.(7:05) And in some cases it's wildly detrimental to you. (7:08) And I think that's one of the reasons I'm so big on self-awareness. (7:13) I know it's not a breakthrough thought.(7:17) I am way more consistent exercising when the treadmill's there. (7:21) Cool. (7:22) Great.(7:23) Great. (7:24) I know you might be laughing whether you're watching or listening. (7:27) You might be like, Kev, obviously.(7:29) No, no, no. (7:30) But that's awesome. (7:31) It wasn't that obvious.

Alan Lazaros

(7:32) Environmental design. (7:33) Yeah, it wasn't that obvious for a long time. (7:35) One thing that was, and I don't want to throw shade, this isn't that.(7:38) This is just honesty. (7:39) And you know that. (7:40) But I want the listeners to know that you know that.(7:42) When I came and saw you guys' place, it was very clear that Emile and I live different. (7:50) I mean, you guys, it's not set up for peak performance.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:53) No, no.

Alan Lazaros

(7:54) Your office is. (7:55) Yes. (7:55) But it was like, oh, oh, this is set up for like a home and to be a comfortable place to spend time.(8:04) And I was just like, oh, we like don't have it set up at all for that, you know? (8:12) But that's fine. (8:13) And again, here's a takeaway already.(8:19) Make sure your fucking office and home shares your goals. (8:24) For sure. (8:25) Like if you have huge peak performing goals, you can't like live in a bouncy house.(8:30) I know that's an extreme example, but like I, it's like, well, I want to watch less TV. (8:35) Well, then turn, put the fucking TV in the closet then. (8:40) I will not watch TV in this office ever.(8:43) Fucking never. (8:45) It's a rule. (8:46) You do not break your own rules.(8:48) And by the way, when you're a kid, there's other people's rules. (8:51) When you're an adult, you get to do what you want, assuming you live in a free country. (8:55) And guess what?(8:57) The moment you set a goal, there should be rules and you have to impose them on yourself. (9:02) Like the reason why my coaching has become so effective. (9:04) I'm so grateful.(9:05) I have so many clients is because some of these people are self-aware enough to know I'm fucked. (9:09) I can't do it without accountability. (9:11) And it's like, love it.(9:13) All good. (9:13) Pay for accountability. (9:14) It's all good.(9:15) That's fine. (9:15) That's humble. (9:17) It's really humble.(9:18) Like people like, well, how come you don't have a coach? (9:20) First of all, I have a therapist. (9:22) Second of all, I don't struggle that much with consistency or discipline or strategic thinking.(9:26) None of that. (9:27) I had dozens of mentors and coaches. (9:29) It's like, well, how come you don't have a coach?(9:30) Because I don't struggle with that. (9:32) I do struggle with the trauma from my past. (9:34) That's why I have a therapist.(9:37) So you've got to know yourself and you've got to know what drives you. (9:40) And you have to know how to push your own fucking buttons. (9:44) Someone told me recently that they listened to the episode we did on shame.(9:49) And they said, Alan, I don't know if you have shame. (9:52) It's funny. (9:54) I don't know.(9:55) I don't know. (9:56) But I do know that I know how to push my own fucking buttons. (9:59) They said what I'm always thinking for sure.(10:01) Yeah, exactly. (10:02) They're like, yeah, Kev had trouble with that episode because he didn't know what to say to you because he realized in that moment you've probably never felt shame. (10:10) Of course I have, but not about that stuff.(10:14) For me, shame is like being better than or being smarter than or getting straight A's when other people struggle and that kind of stuff. (10:22) Making other people, not making them feel bad about themselves, but being around someone who doesn't feel good about themselves. (10:29) I coached someone new who's a client's client.(10:34) And I was like, oh, oh, he felt so bad about himself after that meeting. (10:41) Yeah. (10:41) Because I came in, it was the last call of the day.(10:45) I think I had two more after that. (10:46) And I was hot and heavy and I was ready to rock and I was excited. (10:49) And this person has not ever been around, I want to say this kindly.(10:53) Yeah, he's not around peak performers almost ever. (10:56) He's not around achievers almost ever. (10:58) And this is a client of a client.(11:00) And we did sort of a three-person session so I can coach on how to coach. (11:03) It was really cool. (11:04) And I was like, oh my God, I have so much shame about how bad that dude feels about himself now.(11:09) Because I think that's the first step to self-improvement is you need to see the other level that forces you to face the fact that you're actually wildly inadequate. (11:22) And then hopefully they can hold your hand and lift you up. (11:25) But I had a lot of shame around this moment with this kid where he was like, what the fuck did I get myself into?(11:32) And I had the moment of, oh shit, this is going to be an uphill battle here. (11:38) And it ended up going really well. (11:40) But I digress.(11:43) You got to know what motivates you. (11:46) You got to have goals that you actually care enough about to do. (11:50) You set the wrong goal, you're never going to do it.(11:52) And then you're going to lose self-belief. (11:55) Didn't we have a...

Kevin Palmieri

(11:57) Did I dream this? (11:58) I've been having like very specific dreams lately. (12:01) Didn't we have something recently that we just like woke up?(12:04) I know we cut half the company. (12:06) I know that. (12:06) Not people.(12:07) Company. (12:08) We got rid of some departments that just... (12:10) We didn't get rid of any people.(12:11) Everybody's cranking along. (12:13) I don't want you to think like we woke up and I was like, you know what? (12:16) Fuck all you.(12:17) You're done. (12:18) Okay. (12:19) We're as happy as we've ever been.(12:21) We didn't get rid of anyone actually. (12:22) No, no. (12:22) That's what I'm saying.(12:23) We put departments on hold that we don't need. (12:26) But didn't we like recently... (12:28) Weren't we like, dude, that's a fucking pipe dream.(12:30) Like neither of us are actually going to do that. (12:33) Yeah. (12:33) What was it?(12:34) I don't know. (12:35) There's been a lot of that. (12:35) I know, but it's going to make us look bad.(12:38) We were on a team call and you're like, Kev, are you ever going to use a fucking planner? (12:41) And I was like, dude, no, no. (12:44) The Dreamliner is awesome.(12:45) I love the Dreamliner.

Alan Lazaros

(12:46) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:47) I just, that's not me. (12:49) I don't wake up and plan my day. (12:51) I look at my calendar and say, oh, here we fucking go.(12:54) Strap in, baby. (12:55) That's it. (12:55) That's the extent of my planning.(12:57) And then we do the good stuff and then we try to do it the next day.

Alan Lazaros

(13:00) So what's your point with that?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:01) I convinced myself for a long time that I had to have a planner and be a planner and do what everybody else in the fucking personal development productivity space does. (13:09) And it's like, ah, no, I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do. (13:15) And I think I should take lessons from that.(13:18) Yes.

Alan Lazaros

(13:18) Right. (13:19) This is a good discussion too. (13:21) I know we got to jump soon.(13:25) There's this I have to do for my goals. (13:30) There's this I think I have to do because other people who have my goals do it. (13:35) And that's a very different.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:37) But even the way. (13:38) I know. (13:39) The approach.(13:39) You have to find a way to kick the ball towards your goals. (13:42) You can kick with your right foot. (13:42) You can kick with your left foot.(13:43) You can crawl and push it with your head if you want. (13:45) You can run backward. (13:46) There's a lot of different ways you can do it.(13:48) Will some ways get you there faster? (13:50) Sure. (13:51) Sure.(13:51) The fastest way is just to sell out and just don't care about anybody and just go make money and rip people off. (13:57) Like you'll be very successful. (13:58) I'm not trying to do that.(14:00) I don't want to use a radio controlled, a remote controlled ball. (14:03) I want to actually play the game and and have real competition and do it in the real world. (14:07) But I think that's an issue.

Alan Lazaros

(14:08) Watch a lot of soccer lately.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:10) No, that's just for some reason. (14:11) That was it. (14:12) That's that's one of the pieces.(14:13) And then I think the other piece that not enough people talk about is there are certain things that we wish motivated you or inspired you or it's like, well, if only I could get that to move the needle. (14:26) I'm not saying you can't. (14:29) But if you put as much effort into trying to rewire yourself as you did, just moving in the direction that you're already wired, you probably would be more successful than to.(14:38) It's like. (14:40) This is what I like doing. (14:42) This is what actually moves the needle.(14:43) All right, let me combine those and make a little recipe out of that. (14:46) Awesome.

Alan Lazaros

(14:47) We don't have time for this, and I want to bring it up because we're talking about motivation, drive, drive, not just motivation. (14:55) Motivation gets a bad rep. (14:56) Yes, drive.(14:56) So what drives you? (15:00) I think. (15:01) I think.(15:04) What drives us most we sometimes avoid because it's painful. (15:09) OK, OK. (15:13) I have someone who.(15:16) I'm trying to keep this as anonymous. (15:18) A client of mine was really excited about something happening at work, and they ripped it the rug out from under her at the last minute. (15:25) And she was fired up, so upset.(15:27) And I said, just use it. (15:29) I know you're angry. (15:30) You should be angry.(15:32) Make sure you take that fucking anger and use it to project yourself into the future. (15:40) And maybe she is doing that, which is good. (15:43) But like, what if we don't put skin in the game because we're too afraid to get that rock bottom moment?(15:53) But what if that rock bottom moment actually does drive the fuck out of you? (15:57) It's almost like people are so afraid to get high hopes. (16:02) The good thing about high hopes is you get crushed and you're motivated as fuck afterwards.(16:07) Now, not everybody is. (16:08) You are. (16:08) I know, I know.(16:09) But that does land too. (16:12) Like, you are motivated, just not right away. (16:15) Like, you'll get crushed and then you're down and out for like, you struggle for a couple of days, but then you're like back stronger.(16:21) So we got to do an episode on that. (16:22) That's all I'm saying. (16:23) We will.(16:24) I think we avoid the things that drive us because they also drive us crazy.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:31) It's a nice title right there. (16:34) I think one of the things you'll hear me say all the time is I don't, I literally will not count my chickens until they hatch. (16:39) Like, I don't care.(16:40) Oh, you gave me, yeah, you want to work with us? (16:41) Cool. (16:41) You want to, this is what you want to get done?(16:43) Awesome. (16:44) Until you're working with us, I don't care. (16:46) To me, it doesn't, it's not real until it lands.(16:48) Well, let's talk about that and why that is.

Alan Lazaros

(16:50) Because maybe I get the optimism and then I get crushed and that motivates me. (16:54) Let's talk about that and both sides of that coin. (16:57) We will talk about both sides of that coin.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:59) Okay. (17:00) Cool, man. (17:01) Both sides of the same coin?(17:03) Yes, sir. (17:04) Okay, cool. (17:05) All right.(17:05) If you're looking for help when it comes to figuring out what motivates you, what doesn't and the bullshit you've been told that just probably isn't optimal for you. (17:13) I'm not saying we can't take lessons from all the different peak performance productivity hacks. (17:18) I'm not saying you can't.(17:19) But having somebody in your corner who can say, look, it's very abundantly clear when this happens, you're on fire. (17:25) Reach out to Alan for coaching. (17:26) He can help you with that for sure.(17:27) And if you're looking for a group of people that are focused on fitness, next level fitness accountability group, totally free. (17:32) It's a WhatsApp group where Alan and I post in there every day and there's a bunch of other people posting in there every day. (17:36) So if you want to be on fire when it comes to fitness, reach out to Alan and or myself.(17:40) As always, we love you. (17:41) We appreciate you. (17:42) Grateful for each and every one of you.(17:43) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(17:49) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (17:52) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:54) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (17:58) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(18:00) We mean it when we say family. (18:02) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:06) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(18:09) Thank you again. (18:10) And we will talk to you tomorrow.