Are You Gaining Or Losing Self-Respect? (2424)

The high road has a cost. In this episode, Kevin and Alan break down why self-respect is not built through intention, image, or outside success. It is built through follow-through, discipline, and the private choices that either strengthen or weaken your identity. This episode challenges the belief that small decisions do not matter. They do. Every broken promise, avoided standard, and shortcut leaves evidence. Over time, those choices shape your self-trust, confidence, relationships, leadership, and long-term consistency.

If you are working to become more disciplined, more aligned, and more proud of who you are when no one is watching, this episode will make you look closer. The low road may be easier, but it rarely leads anywhere worth respecting. Listen now, then go make your future self slightly less annoyed with you. 

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Show notes:
(2:12) Why broken promises cost you
(4:22) How self-respect compounds
(7:10) External success can hide avoidance
(9:41) Why high standards spread
(12:46) The high road builds discipline
(16:31) Self-respect changes belief
(21:02) Real respect needs no audience
(24:28) Choosing character before results
(30:20) Small choices create change
(33:48) Challenge makes life meaningful
(35:47) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I know that we make a lot of promises, and we make a lot of promises to other people. (0:05) I am willing to put it out on the line and say the most important promises you make are the ones that you make to yourself, because at the end of the day, you are keeping track of every single check. (0:13) Did I do what I said I was going to do?(0:15) Did I not do what I said I was going to do? (0:18) And how is that affecting my self-respect? (0:19) Because if you constantly break promises to yourself, you are breaking self-respect.(0:24) It's just a conversation of whether or not you know it.

Alan Lazaros

(0:27) Yeah, self-trust, self-respect, self-discipline, they're all connected. (0:32) How often are you saying, I'm going to do X, and then actually doing X, and then recognizing that you did X? (0:39) And I think that if you let yourself down over and over and over again, you're going to lose self-respect.(0:44) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:47) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:49) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. (0:52) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:58) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:05) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:20) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:27) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:33) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2424. (1:37) Two thousand four hundred and twenty four. (1:39) Are you gaining or losing self-respect?(1:42) I'm in a very good mood. (1:44) Giggly mood for some reason. (1:46) I don't know.(1:46) I've been very happy on the mics lately. (1:48) I don't know why, but, well, I do know why because I enjoy this, but like more so than usual. (1:52) It's also payday.(1:53) It is payday. (1:54) You were talking about littering, and that's where we came up with this episode. (1:59) I wasn't talking about littering.(2:01) You were. (2:02) That's where this episode came from. (2:03) Not you personally littering, but something that occurred on one of your Miles From Mindset runs.

Alan Lazaros

(2:10) I used to always say if you had a friend who broke as many promises to you as you've broken to yourself, how much would you value that friendship? (2:19) And the answer is you wouldn't. (2:22) You wouldn't.(2:23) Imagine someone who never shows up, constantly breaks promises, is never there, never follows through, and we do that to ourselves all the time. (2:36) So I was on a run the other night to Kevin's Point, and there's this piece of trash on the road, and I ran right by that thing. (2:49) And I had this little voice in my head as I ran by it.(2:54) You piece of shit. (2:56) You lazy bastard. (3:00) The best version of you would go pick that up.(3:05) And then I had this little debate in my head because there's a downward hill and then a little circle at the end, and I'm like, you're going to have to pick that up now. (3:13) You have to pick that up on your way back. (3:14) And it's like, well, if I pick it up and your head starts doing this thing, this conversation with yourself, well, where am I going to put it?(3:23) Well, you're going to run with it. (3:25) Well, what if it's dirty?

Alan Lazaros

(3:27) It's probably dirty. (3:29) What if you got some incurable disease from this piece of litter? (3:33) I'm literally joking.(3:34) That's not actually where my mind went.

Alan Lazaros

(3:36) My mind literally said, and I used to debate a lot more, and now I just go quicker to the high road. (3:42) Remember the book High Road Leadership I always talked about?

Kevin Palmieri

(3:44) I think I read maybe a very small amount in the beginning and I was like, this is a little bit too religious for my liking. (3:50) So I'm going to pass on this. (3:51) Thank you.

Alan Lazaros

(3:52) High Road Leadership. (3:53) I don't recommend the book. (3:54) I don't necessarily think it's a terrible book, but I don't think it's a good one by any means.(3:58) But I love that title. (4:00) I love the high road. (4:02) The high road is such a cool thing to aspire to.(4:05) We all know the high road is pick the litter up and bring it home. (4:13) And when your run is done, put it in the recycling bin. (4:16) It's not that hard.(4:18) You could do better. (4:19) You want to do better. (4:21) You should do better.(4:22) Fucking do better. (4:24) And I do think that you gain a little bit. (4:27) If there's an investment account that says self-respect, every day you can put a little more in there.(4:33) Every time you do what you say you're going to do. (4:36) Every time you take the high road, you put a little bit of money in the self-respect and then you can withdraw it. (4:43) Later on, and you feel really good about yourself.(4:45) And you, what else can I do? (4:47) What else can I do? (4:48) And nobody else is going to know.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:52) No. (4:53) Nobody else is going to know. (4:55) When we moved here, we had, I don't know, a hundred Home Depot boxes.(5:01) And it got to the point where it was just, the garage was just overridden with Home Depot boxes. (5:09) And I was like, there's no, I'm going to, I'm going to pack, I got to pack my car up and drive these down to the dump. (5:13) Because this neighborhood doesn't recycle.(5:15) For whatever reason, I don't understand. (5:17) For some reason, nowhere I've ever lived, the neighborhoods ever recycle. (5:21) I don't get it.(5:21) I don't understand it. (5:22) And I'm guessing it's way more expensive. (5:24) And I'm sure it comes down to money at the end of the day.(5:26) But, and I was like, there's no way. (5:29) Travesty. (5:29) It's travesty.(5:30) There's no way I'm going to pack up my car and take seven trips to the dump. (5:36) Found a guy. (5:38) Found a guy.(5:40) Called him up. (5:41) I said, hey man, I know you do like trash removal. (5:43) Do you do anything with recycling?(5:45) I have a hundred boxes. (5:48) Will you just take them and then recycle them? (5:50) He's like, yeah, I'll do it.(5:51) It's usually 150 bucks, a hundred bucks. (5:53) Done. (5:53) Come, please take them.(5:55) Then I was like, well, that's not sustainable. (5:57) I can't pay somebody a hundred dollars every time I have a plethora of recycles. (6:00) So I got myself a little, a little membership down at the recycle place.(6:04) Oh, nice job. (6:05) At the landfill. (6:06) Look at you.(6:06) But I, dude, I was on the fence. (6:08) I was like, nah, nobody's going to know. (6:10) And I was like, Kev, that's a lot of fucking cardboard, brother.(6:12) That's a whole ass tree. (6:14) That's a family of trees. (6:16) Who's going to throw it in the dumpster?(6:17) I felt bad. (6:18) I felt really bad about that.

Alan Lazaros

(6:19) Whenever you tell things like that, your eyes get in a certain way. (6:22) It's so funny. (6:23) Whenever you have like something you, a low road you almost took, you, it's.(6:28) I mean, I'm not.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:29) It's a very specific face that you. (6:30) I'm not proud of it, but it would have been easier. (6:33) You are proud of it now though.(6:34) Well, yeah, but I'm not proud that I wanted to take the low road. (6:38) Yeah. (6:38) It would have been so much easier.(6:39) It would have been easier. (6:40) The low road is always fucking easier. (6:42) It would have been so much easier.

Alan Lazaros

(6:43) The low road is always easier, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:45) I have cans. (6:45) I threw two cans in my fucking trash earlier. (6:47) I'm after this.(6:48) I'm gonna have to go dig them out and put them in a cycle.

Alan Lazaros

(6:50) I love it.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:51) Good. (6:51) This episode has already made the world a better place. (6:53) It already has.(6:54) I was on a podcast yesterday and, and the, one of the questions I got was why, why do you think self-improvement, personal development, blah, blah, blah, only focuses on one of these? (7:03) Health, wealth, love, fitness, finance, family, whatever, whatever it is. (7:07) I think this is one of the reasons.(7:10) Because if you, and again, it's a fine line, but if you say, you know, I don't have any fitness goals. (7:16) I just make money, baby. (7:18) I don't care about anything else.(7:19) I just care about money. (7:20) You can delude yourself into not taking as big of a self-respect hit when you don't do the fucking thing.

Alan Lazaros

(7:26) Do you think you still take a self-respect hit deep down or do you think that you avoid it altogether?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:31) I think if you can, if you work really hard, no, I don't think you can avoid it altogether, but I think if you convince yourself really hard that you don't value it, it's less.

Alan Lazaros

(7:40) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:40) It's less. (7:41) And then like you go to the gym or you go to the beach and you take your shirt off and you're not confident, but you're like, it doesn't matter. (7:48) The money doesn't, the money doesn't, the bank doesn't care when I walk in.(7:51) They still get, it's like, that's all ego. (7:53) You're just living, you're protecting yourself from losing self-respect by trying to overly build up self-respect in something completely external.

Alan Lazaros

(8:01) Let's do this. (8:02) Why? (8:03) I think when people lose self-respect because they're taking the low road, they end up hurting others.(8:12) And a lot of times they end up bullies, not always, but like.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:18) And they take people down. (8:19) They take people down with them too.

Alan Lazaros

(8:21) Yeah. (8:22) Yeah. (8:23) Yeah.(8:23) And I thought of this earlier when we were talking about going and getting the two cans in the trash and putting them in recycling. (8:34) My favorite part, I don't know if she can hear me or not. (8:36) She's out there.(8:37) My favorite part of being with Emilia Smith is that she never takes the low road. (8:45) And when you're with someone who never takes the low road, it encourages you to never take the low road. (8:52) It gives you the necessity.(8:55) What's a good example of this? (9:00) Okay. (9:00) Recycling, for example.(9:02) She had higher standards than I did with recycling and she's raised my standard. (9:07) Which has made the world a better place. (9:09) There's no one I've ever met who I believe has higher standards for taking the high road than Emilia Smith.(9:16) Whether or not other people know that or see that is a whole other thing because that's been alarming. (9:22) But my favorite part of being with her is that I can't take the low road and get away with it, quote unquote. (9:33) Because it's not just my judgment, but it's hers.(9:36) And I don't mean unfair judgment. (9:39) And I think that I want to make this clear too. (9:41) And I hope that I provide this for my clients.(9:42) I think I do. (9:44) But it would mean more if they said it, not me. (9:46) But ultimately, when you're around someone who you believe takes the high road more often than you do, it makes you want to do it more too.(9:59) It spreads. (10:00) That's the point. (10:01) I think that's what leadership is supposed to be about.(10:03) Obviously, it's not with everybody, for fuck's sake. (10:08) But I think that's what leadership is supposed to be about. (10:10) That's why I love that title, High Road Leadership.(10:12) It's like, if I take the high road more than anyone I know, more than anyone ever has, I know it'll spread. (10:19) It spreads into you, it spreads into her, vice versa. (10:23) And there are certain things I've had higher standards than Emilia in that she has also kind of...(10:28) This would be another episode at another time. (10:30) But in Relationship Talks coaching, if you have a partner with low standards, the standards will rub off on you. (10:37) If you have a partner with high standards, that'll rub off on you too.(10:40) So be careful. (10:41) But ultimately, everyone has to check in with themselves. (10:47) No one takes the high road 100% of the time.(10:50) And you don't even maybe know. (10:53) I have someone who was taking the low road. (10:55) I'll give you an example.(10:55) She didn't even know she was doing it. (10:56) She likes long drives. (10:58) A lot of people are going to hate me for this.(10:59) And I called her out. (11:00) I said, you know, you're just wasting gas and fossil fuels and CO2 emissions. (11:05) Like that's really ignorant of you to just go on long drives.(11:08) You're also wasting money, by the way. (11:10) And you're depreciating and already depreciating assets. (11:12) So not only is it stupid, but it's also bad for the earth.(11:15) So cut the shit. (11:16) Now, again, I said it nicer than that. (11:18) But the point...(11:19) She's like, oh my God. (11:20) But now she has the opportunity to take the high road. (11:22) When we're kids, we don't really know what the high road is.(11:24) It's like, okay, you know, play nice with others. (11:26) Okay, what the fuck does that mean? (11:28) Okay, this, this and this.(11:29) And then as adults, I think you either increase your standards and take the high road or you don't. (11:34) And what is the high road? (11:36) The high road is the win, win, win, win, win, win scenario.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:39) Win for the person. (11:41) I don't think it always is. (11:42) I think sometimes it's an L for you, but a win for everybody else.(11:48) Kind of. (11:48) No, because long term, it's a win for you too.

Alan Lazaros

(11:50) Yeah, short term. (11:51) But you're absolutely right. (11:52) In the short term, it's actually always an L.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:55) Yeah, you're running down the street with a, with an armful of garbage, you know, like it would have been easier for you in the micro not to do it.

Alan Lazaros

(12:02) Yes, but that's exactly it. (12:04) That's a great point because it was a pain in the ass in the moment. (12:08) But this is my thinking and I do believe this to be true despite short term disconcerting evidence.(12:18) I don't know if I said that right. (12:20) I was like, Alan, you're going to become more. (12:24) When you gain self-respect, you have more influence.(12:29) I mean, that doesn't mean everyone likes you, but you have more influence and you also are going to now have to learn how to run up this hill. (12:38) Carrying trash like you, you will become more. (12:41) And this is what the point of the episode was supposed to be before we changed it to self-respect.(12:46) It increases the necessity for challenge. (12:48) The high road is harder to get to. (12:52) So I built self-discipline.(12:54) I built self-respect. (12:55) I built self-trust. (12:56) I built influence because Emilia noticed she came out later with Tucker and she noticed I didn't do it for that reason, but it does.(13:05) It does. (13:05) It compounds. (13:06) It compounds.(13:09) Earlier today with our payroll, I made a mistake. (13:14) I owned it. (13:14) I told you about it.(13:16) I made sure I fixed it. (13:17) I do believe the high road is what's best long term. (13:24) However, in the short term, without a fucking question, it's an absolute L and denying that I think is not only ignorant, but naive.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:32) Well, that's why all so much of this is so challenging because in the short run, you are essentially making your life harder. (13:39) That's kind of what you're doing. (13:40) Yeah.(13:41) You are making your life harder for this invisible thing that nobody else will see. (13:46) When I left the dump, I had like however many bags of recycling. (13:51) I felt so good.(13:52) Yeah, nice. (13:52) Like unreasonably good. (13:55) Yeah.(13:55) Oh my God. (13:56) Okay. (13:57) Got a little charge in me.(13:58) Okay. (13:59) That's what's up. (14:00) I enjoyed that.

Alan Lazaros

(14:01) I think when we- You don't think other people can sense that?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:05) I mean, I came back and sat in my office and talked to nobody, so probably not, no.

Alan Lazaros

(14:08) No, but I mean, in general. (14:10) I don't know. (14:12) I would love, I wish we could.(14:13) Okay. (14:13) When you watch, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you went and watched an episode with us way back. (14:18) Yeah.(14:18) How many years ago? (14:19) Seven years ago?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:19) This was 2019. (14:24) Yeah, seven years ago. (14:25) It was literally to the day almost.(14:29) I think this was May 8th, 2019. (14:31) Was it a Facebook memory? (14:33) No, I just, shout out to Justin Freeman.(14:36) I don't think you're watching or listening to this, but great rapper. (14:40) Somehow came across his music on Spotify or Instagram. (14:43) We interviewed him not long after, and I just came across some of his music today and went back to look at the interview.

Alan Lazaros

(14:49) That version of Kev, could you sense, has lower self-respect than this one?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:56) I can sense it, but I don't think anybody else would be able to. (14:59) Okay. (15:00) I was, it's probably arrogant.(15:03) That's what it comes across to me. (15:04) But weren't you hiding the fact that you had low self-respect? (15:09) Probably, but I don't know if I knew I did.

Alan Lazaros

(15:12) That's like a whole different- And again, I don't mean low statistically. (15:15) I mean- Yeah, yeah. (15:16) Yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:16) It's lower than this. (15:17) It's lower than now for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(15:18) Yeah, for sure, for sure. (15:19) But I don't know. (15:19) If your self-respect is a 10 now, it's not because 10 becomes a mountain that gets higher as you climb it.(15:25) If your self-respect is a 10 now, what was it then?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:27) The hard thing is I don't know if I knew. (15:29) I thought it was probably way higher than it actually was because I felt like I was doing good. (15:33) Well, what about now?(15:35) I don't know. (15:35) Like five. (15:36) Yeah.(15:37) Okay. (15:37) So you've gained five levels of self-respect. (15:40) I don't think it's a 10 right now.(15:41) I think it's maybe like a nine.

Alan Lazaros

(15:46) I've been doing some shady shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:48) Only on weekends. (15:48) Hard drugs. (15:49) Yeah, only on weekends.(15:50) I'm literally- No, I just, you know I've- Taken a number of- Very rarely do I ever give myself a 10 in anything. (15:55) It's like I get- But yeah, just coke. (15:58) Just like a light dose of coke on the weekend.(16:02) Kidding. (16:03) We're joking. (16:05) So- Hey.

Alan Lazaros

(16:10) Kev's winking at the camera. (16:13) He is joking.

Alan Lazaros

(16:14) So self-respect, ladder. (16:17) One, two, next level, next level, next level. (16:19) Yeah, the high road.(16:20) There is no other way. (16:22) The courageous. (16:23) To live courageously.(16:25) To live, to run toward challenges. (16:27) I think everybody knows what the high road is. (16:30) If you think about it.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:31) Sell me on it. (16:32) It's invisible. (16:33) I don't see it.(16:34) Nobody sees it.

Alan Lazaros

(16:35) Sell me on it. (16:37) You will believe in yourself more in real life. (16:41) You will- You will value yourself like someone you actually love and respect.(16:51) That's, and I know that, like I- You know, this is going to be- I have to share it because I have to be courageous. (17:01) So let's do this. (17:04) I didn't know this at the time.(17:07) The way that I do now. (17:08) However, in hindsight, I'm just thinking of one person that I sort of dated, okay? (17:14) I don't think I respected them that much.(17:17) And I realize in hindsight that I actually don't think I did that much because I don't think I respect who they are. (17:25) What I mean by that is they were kind of shitty. (17:29) They were kind of shitty.(17:30) Like shitty people. (17:33) And I think back in the day, I didn't have as much understanding of myself, others, and the world in the sense of like what I value. (17:44) Like I watched this person take the low road way too many times.(17:47) I lost respect for her. (17:49) And I should have left her. (17:51) So that's on me.(17:51) But like with Emilia, the amount that I love and respect her. (17:58) I've never had it like this before. (18:00) This is like- I've felt love.(18:04) I've felt infatuation. (18:05) I've felt attraction. (18:06) But the respect piece is at a whole nother fucking level.(18:11) And I think that's the difference between a casual relationship and a committed relationship. (18:15) I think the world of Emilia, even if I wasn't with her, I would still feel that way. (18:20) And in hindsight, there's some people I dated where I definitely did not feel that way.(18:24) But I didn't understand that that was like so critical either. (18:28) My point of this is sell you on it. (18:30) What if you ask yourself, is there anyone out there that you respect more than yourself?(18:38) And if the answer is yes, what is it about them that you respect? (18:43) Because the way you feel about them, the way I feel about Emilia, if I could feel that way about myself, I mean, that is the goal. (18:51) That's got to be the goal.(18:53) If there's a goal in life, it's got to be become your own fucking hero. (18:59) That be the change you wish to see in the world. (19:02) It always comes back to that for me.(19:04) Like, yeah, your full potential, of course. (19:06) Be the change you wish to see in the world. (19:08) How dare I run past this litter while I talk on a podcast about how to take the high road?(19:16) I can't do that. (19:17) I don't want to do that. (19:18) And it's this weird duality because it's like, well, you're never going to be perfect.(19:22) I know that. (19:24) I do know that. (19:25) And I want to fucking try to be to the best of my ability.(19:29) I'm a human being, but I can be better. (19:34) And I know I can. (19:35) And maybe it's different for each of us, right?(19:38) Sell you on it. (19:39) You know, and you're going to know. (19:42) And if you know there is, I don't think that you can hide from that.(19:46) I think that when your head hits the pillow at night, you either really love and trust and respect yourself in real life or you don't. (19:58) And there are times in my life where I had way less self-respect. (20:02) And I know why.(20:04) Because I was taking some low roads. (20:06) Drinking too much and too often. (20:09) Gambling, whatever.(20:11) Right? (20:11) Now, do I, am I a horrible human who deserves nothing? (20:14) No, that's an overswing.(20:17) But I certainly don't deserve. (20:19) I was watching a speech by Charlie Munger last night during my miles for mindset. (20:24) And he said the very number one rule for success is the deserve it factor.(20:28) In order to get what you want, you have to first deserve what you want. (20:32) I actually believe, and you and I talked about this earlier, you are financially successful now. (20:37) You didn't deserve to be financially successful before because you didn't develop the acumen and the discipline and the high road to be able to be.(20:45) And I think that that's how I would sell you on it.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:48) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(20:48) But I want you to do the same.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:51) Ah, boy. (20:54) Honestly, it doesn't even matter that nobody else can see it. (20:57) Because when you do build up a certain level of self-respect, you don't care if anybody else sees it.

Alan Lazaros

(21:02) It doesn't matter.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:02) It's empty. (21:04) It doesn't matter. (21:05) That's not why you do it.(21:05) It's empty if you're doing it so other people can see it. (21:09) Yeah, agreed. (21:09) That's not building self-respect.(21:11) That's building significance based on other people's opinions of you. (21:16) Nice. (21:16) That, I think that.(21:18) It's not for anybody else. (21:20) And you feel complete and whole and fulfilled and grateful. (21:24) Like you feel good about you.(21:26) For real shit. (21:28) Like real internal shit, not like I did this or I had a great workout or I made X amount or I had great intimacy. (21:34) That's all awesome.(21:36) And when you do something that reaffirms your own level of self-respect, I am convinced that is one of the best feelings in the world.

Alan Lazaros

(21:44) Yeah, same.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:44) That's the best feeling in the world. (21:46) It's the best feel. (21:47) Did you watch Inside or Into the Manosphere yet?(21:50) Have you watched that? (21:50) No. (21:51) No.(21:53) I was talking to Taryn about this the other day because we were talking about our past relationships. (21:58) And I said, honestly, one of the things that I value most about our relationship is me showing up is never enough. (22:04) Just showing up.(22:06) Yeah. (22:06) And I said I've been in relationships in the past where me showing up was more than enough. (22:11) More than enough.(22:11) Yeah. (22:12) And as a young man, that's cool for like a week. (22:16) Yeah.(22:17) And then you start realizing to your point, like I don't think I really respect this person that much.

Alan Lazaros

(22:21) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:22) Not for a different reason. (22:23) Like this person was really good. (22:24) They weren't a bad person.(22:24) They were unkind a little bit at the end. (22:27) But again, what do you, I don't expect any different honestly. (22:31) But that was a really interesting thing for me.(22:33) Did that person take the high road all the time? (22:36) They were on the higher end for sure. (22:37) Yeah.(22:37) Yeah. (22:38) They were a really good person. (22:40) Really good.(22:40) It just, we weren't going to work. (22:43) It wasn't, it just wasn't going to be a successful relationship. (22:46) It had nothing to do with that.(22:48) But that was really hard. (22:50) It was really hard for me where the reason I asked the parallels into the Manosphere is I think that most of the men in that documentary live from a place of ego and they have convinced themselves that it builds self-respect to be a womanizer or whatever, whatever label it is. (23:07) When if you sat them down and like were able to dig deep, you'd find out somewhere in there that they're just running from something.

Alan Lazaros

(23:14) Yeah, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:15) So if you're out there, I would try to, again, you can do whatever you want. (23:21) I think it's valuable to sit with where do you actually get self-respect and where have you convinced yourself you get self-respect. (23:28) Because if you are just running on autopilot, I knew very quickly when I got into that relationship, I was like, oh, this is empty.(23:36) This is not, I'm, this is empty. (23:39) This is not good. (23:39) This is not going to serve a purpose.(23:41) And it probably took me longer than it should have, honestly, but. (23:44) Probably. (23:45) But how many people just run that forever?(23:48) How many people just run, that's what, no, no, it's fair. (23:51) It's fair because you and I had conversations about it and it was like, ah.

Alan Lazaros

(23:54) That was really scary for me to share. (23:56) I mean, and I do think that respect is something that all human beings deserve to a certain extent, obviously. (24:06) However, there are certain people you respect more than others.(24:12) And that's for a reason. (24:17) I think one of the reasons I like what we do for a living, I admire what we do for a living. (24:25) I don't know if like is the right fucking word.(24:28) But you and I have kind of chosen self-respect over results externally. (24:37) And we still need results externally to achieve our goals and dreams. (24:41) So I don't, I don't want, it's an and.(24:44) But we chose self-respect and character first and then success second. (24:50) And I think that that is actually more rare than I ever imagined. (24:56) Um, especially in, in a world that has so much of that manosphere shit.(25:02) So I like that NLU focuses so much on that because I really do believe that when I was a young, naive, super impressionable kid, I wanted that so bad. (25:18) Like Captain America was one of my favorite heroes in all fiction because he was a little kid who got bullied and, and grew up to be strong and never forgot what it was like to be, you know, and, and what it was like to be weak and frail and insignificant. (25:40) And I think that you never fully lose that even when you do get big and strong and capable and competent and all that stuff.(25:47) And I think that it's important to, I think that will always matter to me more like this man in the glass poem I have over here. (25:57) I need that to matter more because when I got my car accident at 26, there was, there was definitely a reflection of like, what percentage of this am I doing for my peer group or for significance or for what I think will get me love or influence and what percentage of this is actually aligned with the man that I would be proud to be. (26:20) And I had to get rid of a lot of shit.(26:22) You had to get rid of a lot of shit. (26:23) Like life gets very boring very quickly when you get rid of all the nonsense and then you have to sit there alone in a dark room metaphorically and literally and go, okay, am I, do I actually respect myself? (26:36) And if not, why not?(26:38) And fucking work on it.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:41) Yeah. (26:42) I would say I've given, I'm not quite as viceless as you. (26:45) I still have a whiskey and I stopped gambling though.(26:47) No more, no more gambling. (26:49) Really? (26:49) Yeah, just like one.(26:53) It's like I, cause I had recently, I was like, I throw 20 bucks in there. (26:58) I can bet on some fights. (26:59) It's like when you throw the 20 in there, even if you win 500, it's not going to take it out, like pay taxes on it.(27:03) So it just stays in there. (27:04) Like I'm just going to lose whatever money I put in there no matter what. (27:06) That's why they do that.(27:08) Of course. (27:08) Yeah. (27:09) And then it's like, I don't know.(27:11) We've grown so many things, man. (27:12) Good for you. (27:13) I just feel like we're in a very strange fucking time where like.(27:18) Your vices are all around you at all times. (27:20) Yeah, we are not, you're, if you turn, it's the thing that pisses me off. (27:23) It's like, call DraftKings, call now and you'll get $500 in free bets.(27:29) Gambling addiction. (27:30) We got you. (27:31) Please call 1-800.(27:32) It's like, what the fuck are we doing here? (27:34) What are we doing here? (27:35) You know, like, come on, man.

Alan Lazaros

(27:39) Jesus. (27:40) Dude, the vices are at our fingertips at all times.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:42) They are.

Alan Lazaros

(27:43) At all. (27:43) It's never been harder to take the high road. (27:46) I actually do believe that.(27:48) Like, I know a lot of things are easier. (27:50) We talked recently about my grandmother used to put her clothes out to dry, like on like a line. (27:58) I don't even know what to call it.

Alan Lazaros

(27:59) Clothesline.

Alan Lazaros

(27:59) Clothesline. (27:59) Yeah, there you go. (28:00) That makes sense.(28:03) But keeping up with the Joneses was just your neighbors. (28:08) And now at your fingertips, every vice you can imagine is available to you. (28:15) And it's harder.(28:19) It's harder to resist because that's what the low road is. (28:21) It's like your primitive urges as an animal. (28:24) Not as like a conscientious, mature, growing adult towards your full potential.(28:34) I mean, that's the devil and angel thing you have tattooed. (28:40) Minus the religious reference. (28:42) But at the end of the day, isn't that the game we're all playing?

Kevin Palmieri

(28:47) I would say so. (28:48) I have an angel and devil playing chess for control of the world. (28:53) It's the tattoo just for those who might not know.(28:56) Do you think, and we'll get out of here after this, what is harder? (29:01) Abundance of options or scarcity of options? (29:04) I feel like they're hard in their own way.(29:06) Yeah, exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(29:07) I mean, obviously scarcity of options is... (29:10) But they are really hard on the other end too. (29:13) And I am now coaching a couple people that grew up in privilege.(29:19) Tremendous privilege. (29:22) And yeah, I mean, there's a part of me that's like, oh shit, we're gonna have to whip you guys into shape. (29:27) This is...(29:28) You guys need to fucking suffer and learn to suffer by choice. (29:35) Because I don't know. (29:39) Strengths and weaknesses, pros and cons.(29:41) What do you think? (29:42) I mean, I think abundance creates its own new challenges.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:48) I would rather have... (29:48) I would rather be overwhelmed with options and have to practice discipline than not have enough. (29:53) But I mean, it's easy to say that.(29:55) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(29:57) Different problems. (29:59) Level one is scarcity, not enough. (30:03) And then you level out of that.(30:05) And level two is abundance. (30:07) And then level three is practicing by choice, scarcity and necessity for what's best for yourself, others in the world, and your family and your community. (30:17) And I really...(30:20) I know that it seems so fortune cookie, so I wish it wasn't. (30:23) But people think things are trivial, right? (30:26) You think, well, that one piece of litter is trivial.(30:29) It's like, it's not though. (30:30) Because that is one action that I take in a positive direction that ripples into every other action. (30:36) That's why we're doing this episode.(30:39) I didn't think, oh, I'm going to pick up this litter so that Emilia notices it. (30:44) And so Kevin and I could do a fucking episode. (30:46) Like, I just was on a run.(30:48) And my highest self was like, Alan, you fucking lazy bastard. (30:52) Pick this up, right? (30:53) And you're going to pick it up.(30:55) You're going to run past it, really? (30:57) You're going to run past it or you're going to pick it up? (30:58) You're going to fucking pick it up.(31:01) And that's, I think, awesome. (31:03) That's how all good things start. (31:05) I mean, yeah, you do it for the right reason.(31:13) And it's like, well, where does it end? (31:14) Why don't, if that's the case, why don't you go pick up all the litter in all the towns? (31:18) It's like, listen, there's a big difference between me going out taking a weekend and picking up litter and me running past it, neglecting it while it's right in front of me, right?(31:26) So yeah, I mean, there's levels to this. (31:29) But ultimately, be the change you wish to see in the world. (31:31) We were on Movie Club last night, last thing.(31:33) Evolve Movie Club is awesome. (31:35) My third date with Emilia, I took her to see Harriet. (31:38) 2019, yeah, awesome, awesome movie.(31:43) Slow, not super entertaining, definitely alarming. (31:45) Based on a true story, they did a great job with it. (31:49) And she was blown away because she's like, I can't believe a man is taking me to this movie.(31:55) It's like a African-American female lead. (31:58) And I was like, you know, very powerful movie, moved, definitely moved. (32:03) And she's like, what the hell is this?(32:04) This is different than guys I've dated in the past. (32:08) But all these years later, they did a movie club on it. (32:14) And I'm there last night and Harriet Tubman, the mission that she had to do whatever she could to try to free as many slaves as possible of all the crap that went down in the 18th century, 18th century, the 1800s.(32:34) She was amongst one of the best leaders, the best leader in that whole fucking century. (32:38) And it all started with her deciding to be free and then her bringing her family and then her going back for her extended family. (32:53) And then it just kept going.(32:56) And then by the end of the war, she was leading an entire battalion and helping to abolish slavery. (33:03) I mean, it starts small. (33:05) And I know a lot of people are like, you know, it's easy to say.(33:10) But at the end of the day, I think we all have the ability to do that change and be the change you wish to see in the world is all I could think of during movie club last night is every time you are outside of alignment with the change that you wish to see in the world, I think you will lose self-respect and that will compound. (33:31) And we've all been on that doom loop. (33:33) We've all been there.(33:34) I had an F off phase two. (33:35) But the opposite of that is start small and build self-respect a little bit each day. (33:40) And it's crazy.(33:41) I mean, it's crazy what you can accomplish. (33:43) It's unbelievable. (33:44) As a matter of fact, what other road is there?

Kevin Palmieri

(33:48) There isn't one that leads to a good place over a long distance. (33:51) But those are the two options. (33:53) Yeah.(33:53) My takeaway remains the same though. (33:54) I think it makes your life more challenging in the interim, in the micro. (33:59) But it makes it more meaningful too.(34:02) Yeah. (34:03) It makes it more meaningful because challenge by choice, I think it's meaningful. (34:07) No more gambling for Kev.(34:09) I'm not saying no more. (34:11) I'm very careful when it comes to... (34:13) You'll very rarely hear me say, I'm never going to do that again.(34:16) No, I know myself. (34:17) I might do it again. (34:18) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(34:19) I had a whiskey. (34:20) I had a whiskey this weekend. (34:22) Nice.(34:24) Your things have changed a lot over the years.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:26) My things have changed a lot over the years. (34:29) I can't rap anymore because I've labeled garbage as rapper. (34:32) So I wrap that up.

Alan Lazaros

(34:33) That's gone. (34:33) You want a joke when you say that though?

Kevin Palmieri

(34:35) Yeah, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. (34:37) But UFC, mixed martial arts, I still watch it, but not like I used to. (34:41) If it's on, I'll watch it, but I don't plan my entire night around it anymore.(34:44) Yeah, it's weird. (34:46) It's weird. (34:47) It's awesome.

Alan Lazaros

(34:48) The whole thing is weird. (34:50) Someone comes to Kev, hey, you've changed. (34:52) Yeah, of course I have.(34:53) You're supposed to. (34:54) You're supposed to grow. (34:54) Yeah, I'm sorry.

Alan Lazaros

(34:55) And by the way, you haven't.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:56) Yeah, I'm sorry you didn't. (34:57) I'm sorry you didn't. (34:58) The only reason you're mad at me for changing is because you didn't.(35:00) Sorry. (35:01) Sorry, sorry, not sorry. (35:02) If one of the changes you are trying to make in your life is with fitness, and one of the ways you're breaking self-respect with yourself is constantly letting yourself down when it comes to fitness.(35:10) One, I see you. (35:12) Two, we have a group. (35:13) It's called the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group.(35:14) Alan and I are leading it. (35:16) We both exercise. (35:16) He exercises every day.(35:18) I pretty much do every day, but I'm not going to write that in writing because I will be lying to you. (35:23) But I'm in there every day. (35:25) Alan's in there every day.(35:25) That I can guarantee. (35:27) Reach out to Alan and or myself and we'll let you in. (35:29) And if you're out there and you want to work on this behind the scenes with somebody who can help you, Alan is your guy.(35:36) If you listen to this podcast, you are obviously into personal development, self-improvement, getting to the next level, all of that stuff. (35:42) The next step for some of you might be one-on-one coaching. (35:44) Alan still has slots available, so reach out to him and you will get it taken care of.(35:48) As always, we love you. (35:49) We appreciate you. (35:50) Grateful, super grateful for each and every one of you.(35:52) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single freaking day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(35:59) Keep leveling up and taking the high road to reach your full potential. (36:04) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(36:05) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (36:09) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(36:12) We mean it when we say family. (36:14) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (36:17) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(36:21) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.