Does Your Community Allow You To Be Next Level? (2434)

In this episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down why the wrong environment can become the hidden ceiling on your growth. Goals, discipline, and ambition matter, but they are harder to sustain when the people around you make success feel unsafe. This episode challenges you to look honestly at your community, your standards, and the subtle ways old relationships can pull you back into an older version of yourself.

They get into self-belief, insecurity, peer influence, emotional maturity, and why some people celebrate progress while others quietly resent it. If you want to become more consistent, confident, and capable, motivation is not enough. You need people who can handle your evolution, your standards, and your next level. Choose your circle like your future is listening.

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Join the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group" – Reach out to Kevin or Alan on Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:21) Questions every achiever should ask
(5:48) Self-belief changes how you see success
(8:46) When confidence gets mistaken for arrogance
(12:41) Not enough or too much
(16:20) How to spot real self-belief
(21:01) When someone else’s success triggers you
(25:24) Why the right community matters
(30:21) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) One of the things I really enjoy about our community and our friendship and our partnership and all of that happy jazz is that nobody is ever going to make you feel bad for doing good. (0:12) And there's a lot of places out there where if you do good, especially better than the people around you, they make you feel like shit about that. (0:19) And that is not a constructive place to grow.(0:22) It's going to be very hard to grow. (0:24) You're never going to be able to celebrate your wins. (0:26) And you're always going to be subconsciously worried that people are judging you or talking shit behind your back, because unfortunately they might be.

Alan Lazaros

(0:33) I used to say this all the time. (0:34) If you can't ever celebrate when you do things that are great, it's going to be really hard because you're often hard on yourself when you don't do things great. (0:45) And if you're not in a group of people that celebrates success, you're not going to be very successful.(0:51) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:54) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:55) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:59) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(1:05) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:11) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:27) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:34) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:40) Next Level Nation, today for episode number 2434, does your community allow you to be next level? (1:47) I was, I don't know what I was doing the other day, but I was thinking to myself, how cool is it that in the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group, if I went in there tomorrow and said, hey, I decided I'm going to run a mile every day for the next 30 days, it wouldn't even be impressive in that group. (2:08) Like nobody would be like, whoa, everybody would be very supportive, but that's not going to blow anybody's mind.(2:14) Alan's shout out to Brandon. (2:16) Brandon ran a mile every day for like a thousand, whatever. (2:20) Bianca's in there saying she's going to exercise every day for the rest of her life.(2:23) You're going to exercise every day. (2:24) Now you're going to run a mile every day. (2:26) It's not even noteworthy.(2:29) It wouldn't even make the top 10. (2:32) And that's fucking awesome. (2:34) It's next level, baby.(2:35) That's next level. (2:36) That's part one. (2:37) Part two, Taren and I were lying in bed a couple of weeks ago, and I was just about to fall asleep.(2:46) And I jumped out of bed. (2:48) I said, oh, fuck. (2:49) And Taren said, what's up?(2:50) What's going on? (2:51) And I said, I forgot to post the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group. (2:53) I got to go post.(2:54) And she's like, hell yeah, good for you, babe. (2:56) When I came up, I was like, I am so grateful that that's what you said. (3:01) Does it really have to happen?(3:03) I was like, oh, that is it. (3:04) That's it right there. (3:06) Because of how obsessed with this I am, I know I can be obsessed with it and not get shit for it.(3:14) It's the best. (3:15) This journey would never work. (3:17) And my relationship would never work if I was afraid of that, right?(3:21) So does your community allow you to be next level? (3:24) Does your relationship allow you to be next level? (3:26) Does your family allow you to be next level?(3:28) Those are three questions. (3:31) Unfortunately, some of us really need to sit with the answers for.

Alan Lazaros

(3:34) It's been a long time since I've been in groups of people that... (3:39) But I do remember, it's like, you say something that you achieved, that you've been going for, for a long time. (3:51) And then, dude, don't brag.(3:53) It's like, no, no, I was... (3:56) Emily and I, every night, we'll always cheers to something. (4:01) We have Fresca and whatever, whatever we're drinking.(4:09) And we always cheers to something. (4:11) Every night, before dinner. (4:14) Something.(4:14) You gotta cheers to something, right? (4:16) Lately, it's been Tucker. (4:19) He had a muscle tear and his rehab is going very well.(4:23) Which has been kind of a whole thing because he can't jump on or off the bed or on or off the sofa. (4:28) Like, so it's been, it's actually taken quite a bit of effort. (4:31) But anyways, so it's like, cheers to Tucker's amazing rehab.(4:37) There's always a cheers. (4:38) But I also, I don't know. (4:43) I guess being around people where that's not okay would be really annoying.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:48) Not even that. (4:51) I think, again, I say this on every episode, but I think this is a massive piece of it. (4:57) When you believe in yourself, you want to see other people succeed.(5:03) It doesn't take away from you. (5:05) It doesn't take away from you for somebody to come to you and say, I got a new job and I'm going to make $20,000 more than I was last year. (5:12) Fuck yeah.(5:12) Good for you. (5:13) That's awesome. (5:14) That's awesome.(5:15) But if I have a job where I make $46,000 a year and I fucking hate my job, and I can't, I don't know how to get a better one, and I have this identity that this is who I'm going to be forever. (5:25) If you come up to me and you celebrate, your celebration unfortunately might seem like a diss. (5:33) It might, your celebration might seem like negativity to me, right?(5:38) I think that's such a big part of it. (5:42) So, and real quick, brother, I'm not proud to say it. (5:47) The more I believe in myself, the more I like seeing other people win.(5:50) But when I didn't believe in myself, I always wanted to see people win. (5:54) You wanted to want to. (5:56) No, no, I wanted to.(5:57) I did. (5:58) I wanted to. (5:58) But the second thought was, yeah, but they're going to win and they're going to leave you behind.(6:02) That was the second thought is if they win, they're gone.

Alan Lazaros

(6:05) It's important. (6:06) It's so cool to hear that. (6:08) One of the, my favorite things about the show is that you've been on both sides.(6:14) It helps. (6:15) Definitely helps. (6:15) Brother, never been on that side.(6:18) I know. (6:18) Never, ever have, has someone like, whatever that thing is where it's, oh, good for you. (6:27) I don't, none of that.(6:28) I've never, I know, but that's the self-belief piece, right? (6:31) So I used to say, if you're unhappy for someone else's happiness, you're a shithead. (6:38) I literally used to say that.(6:41) And I think there's some truth to that. (6:44) Why would you ever be unhappy for someone else's success? (6:47) That's just, it's.(6:48) I think you're underdeveloped.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:50) I think that's a good, probably a better phrase.

Alan Lazaros

(6:52) Yeah, for sure. (6:53) I actually do think it's a really shitty thing though. (6:55) I do think that if you are unhappy for other people achieving and succeeding, I do think that's a really shitty character trait for sure.(7:04) And, and that doesn't mean everything about you is shitty, but I did say shithead. (7:11) So that probably, yeah. (7:12) But I really thought that because I remember I had so many people that were so, I remember I was the marshal for the class above us in high school.(7:27) And this bothered me so much. (7:29) So our valedictorian, her name was Julianne. (7:31) And it's one girl and one boy is the marshal.(7:34) So whoever's the top of the class rank of the previous year hosts, doesn't host. (7:41) You know, that baton you hold in the front. (7:43) You basically guide everyone through graduation, right?(7:45) And you dress in a tux or a dress or whatever. (7:48) And there were so many people who were so upset that I got to do it. (7:52) Because Mike Verla was not able to be there.(7:57) And he was second in the class. (7:59) And I was the next guy. (8:01) And the females before me and him were really upset.(8:05) That I understand because technically, but the school didn't want two women. (8:11) They wanted a man and a woman to represent, right? (8:13) And I think that's fine.(8:15) But they were like really not happy for me at all. (8:19) Some of those people. (8:21) And not only that, but like, if I was very direct here, looking back, there's a lot of people who were not happy for me.(8:32) You know, I got into WPI and all this stuff. (8:34) Like, there's a lot of people that were really not happy for me. (8:37) And it's like, I don't know what the fuck is up with that.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:43) I understand.

Alan Lazaros

(8:44) Like, I don't.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:46) I think high self-belief seems like arrogance to somebody who doesn't have self-belief. (8:51) So it's like, yeah, it just seems like, I know it's not the case. (8:56) But when you have high self- And now you know that?(8:58) I've caught myself. (9:01) I've caught myself. (9:02) You know, like- What do you mean?(9:05) I've said, I've probably said things recently that I would, I, yeah, I say that all the time. (9:12) Old Kevin would villainize this version of Kevin for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(9:15) For what? (9:17) For being an awesome human being? (9:18) For helping people all over the world?(9:20) For achieving his goals and dreams? (9:21) For being confident, seeming arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:25) Yeah. (9:26) Because you don't seem arrogant at all. (9:28) Not to you, because you're more confident than I am.(9:32) Of course. (9:34) Of course. (9:34) Just like to me, you don't seem strong.(9:36) Because I'm stronger than you, quote unquote, in certain things, not everything. (9:39) I know. (9:39) Shot's fired.

Alan Lazaros

(9:42) Depends what we're doing. (9:44) But I see you. (9:45) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:46) So that is the benefit of being on both sides.

Alan Lazaros

(9:49) It's like, dude- Isn't it possible to be not confident and still be happy for others?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:53) Yes, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(9:55) Right?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:55) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (9:56) But it's got to be the person you want to see win. (10:02) I think it's just the identity.(10:04) If somebody thought you always wanted everything you did, and you just continue to win, it's like, hey brother, why don't you save some success for the rest of us? (10:15) You know what I mean?

Alan Lazaros

(10:16) Doesn't resonate at all.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:17) Why don't you save some success for the rest of us?

Alan Lazaros

(10:24) I don't know. (10:24) I'm always inspired by that. (10:25) Like people winning.(10:27) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:27) A lot of people villainize Julianne, the valedictorian, and they say, well, all she does is study and she has no life. (10:35) I never villainized her. (10:38) I honestly, and again, Julianne, if you were to listen, I didn't even think you were that smart.(10:41) You were smart, but it's not... (10:45) But then again, if I really wanted to, I probably feel like I could have gone for valedictorian. (10:51) So it's weird.(10:52) It's hard to... (10:55) But even if I couldn't, I still wouldn't. (10:58) I don't know why, but I don't have...(11:00) I know why. (11:01) I do know why. (11:01) I don't have that core wound.(11:02) Whatever that not enoughness shit is, I don't have that. (11:07) At all. (11:08) Like not enough.(11:09) Like what the fuck is that even about?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:11) Well, I could say the same though. (11:13) What's too much? (11:13) What is that?(11:14) How could you possibly be afraid to be too much? (11:16) The fuck? (11:17) Dude, you have no idea.(11:18) Same. (11:19) Same, fuck. (11:20) I'd love to be too much.(11:21) Oh my God. (11:23) I'm... (11:24) Oh my God.(11:25) I'm too tall and too smart and too good looking. (11:28) Oh my God. (11:30) It's terrible.(11:32) You get...

Alan Lazaros

(11:33) I'm teasing, I'm teasing. (11:34) It's all... (11:35) But here's the truth.(11:35) The truth of this though is you would trigger everyone's insecurities and it would be very hard for you to have authentic relationships. (11:45) You mentioned earlier, you said one of our... (11:49) Emilia's a client at Next Level Podcast Solutions and she's very direct in her feedback.(11:52) I don't think she is. (11:53) If anything, she's dancing the fuck around it. (11:56) Honestly, she's tiptoeing.(11:59) But everyone's so delicate, right? (12:00) And it's like, you ever go up to... (12:04) It's like, do you think I'm lazy?(12:08) Do you think you're hardworking? (12:10) Like, what? (12:11) Yeah, but you...(12:12) I don't get that. (12:13) You get that.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:13) So it's a different... (12:14) We just have different experiences. (12:15) Nobody's ever...

Alan Lazaros

(12:16) You would get that too if you were too much.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:18) I understand.

Alan Lazaros

(12:19) And that's...

Kevin Palmieri

(12:19) But in my mind, it's like, all right, cool.

Alan Lazaros

(12:22) But on your end, you have the majority of people.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:24) I know.

Alan Lazaros

(12:25) You have like... (12:27) Everybody empathizes and sympathizes. (12:29) And nobody feels bad for someone who like...(12:36) And I guess that makes sense. (12:38) Like, it makes sense. (12:39) It's just...(12:41) I want to make this as valuable as I can for everybody. (12:44) Are you afraid that all of you is not enough? (12:46) Or are you afraid that all of you is too much?(12:48) Do you have any of the second one yet? (12:51) No.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:54) Then... (12:55) Maybe a little bit.

Alan Lazaros

(12:56) Give me an example.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:58) I was at the gym today with Bruce. (13:01) And he was talking about... (13:04) He was talking about...(13:06) He's like, you do a lot for your clients. (13:08) Like, you're always talking about your client. (13:10) You're traveling and stuff.(13:11) And I was like, well, one of our clients, I mean, $60,000 a year. (13:15) And he's like, what? (13:16) And I said, yeah, there's $60,000 a year client.(13:18) And there was a guy that was getting personal trained by somebody else. (13:22) And he's like, for $60,000 a year, they better be a pain in the ass. (13:25) I've never met this person.(13:26) I've never seen... (13:27) I have no idea who he is. (13:28) He didn't even talk to me.(13:29) He was just saying that to himself. (13:31) It's not even our largest client. (13:32) Not even our largest client.(13:33) But he was saying that to himself. (13:35) He wasn't even talking to us. (13:36) And he never...(13:37) He didn't say anything after that. (13:38) It was very strange. (13:39) And then I was like, yeah, okay, whatever.(13:42) Do your thing, man. (13:43) I hope... (13:43) Enjoy your workout.(13:44) Like, I'm going to crush...

Alan Lazaros

(13:45) Did it bother you at all?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:48) I felt misunderstood.

Alan Lazaros

(13:50) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:51) Yeah, I felt misunderstood for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(13:53) Yeah. (13:53) And do you think he's villainizing you?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:56) Maybe. (13:57) Maybe. (13:58) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(14:00) Yeah. (14:00) Maybe. (14:01) Yeah, you don't get it.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:02) It's fine. (14:02) No, no, no.

Alan Lazaros

(14:03) No, but...

Kevin Palmieri

(14:04) Maybe very little, but... (14:08) But that's the thing, dude. (14:09) This is the thing.(14:12) I have always been in communities for the most part where people wanted to see me win because I was always an underdog. (14:18) Like, the benefit of that is you...

Alan Lazaros

(14:20) Underdog goes away eventually, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:23) I'm good. (14:24) You can go away now. (14:25) It's fine.

Alan Lazaros

(14:25) I don't care. (14:25) Like, I'm good now. (14:26) I don't need it.(14:27) No, no, but you will care. (14:29) Like, it'll be... (14:30) It won't be terrible.(14:31) Don't get me wrong, but like...

Kevin Palmieri

(14:32) I don't know if I will, man. (14:36) The deepest pain I have associated is... (14:38) Dude, I don't believe in me.(14:40) I don't give a fuck. (14:42) I don't. (14:42) I'm telling you.(14:43) You could reach out and say, you'll never be successful. (14:45) It's like, I am already, so thank you. (14:48) But like, you'll never be...(14:50) I don't care. (14:51) Whatever. (14:52) That doesn't affect...(14:52) If I think I can, that's the superpower that I need. (14:56) I need to have...

Alan Lazaros

(14:57) But being misunderstood in that little moment, that didn't bother you? (15:01) No. (15:01) Unseen, unappreciated, misunderstood, villainized?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:04) No.

Alan Lazaros

(15:04) Judged?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:06) Judged, yeah, sure.

Alan Lazaros

(15:07) Unfairly judged?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:08) Yeah, sure, sure.

Alan Lazaros

(15:09) But, all right. (15:13) No, no, no, no, no. (15:15) But that's only one time.(15:16) What if that happened every day for the rest of your life?

Kevin Palmieri

(15:19) I'm sure I would develop a very heavy coping mechanism. (15:23) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(15:25) Yeah, I know. (15:25) It's not your cool wound. (15:26) It's all it is.(15:27) And that's fine. (15:28) And I don't think it ever will be. (15:29) And this episode isn't supposed to be about core wounds.(15:32) It's supposed to be about being happy for other people succeeding. (15:40) I think it is supposed to be about core wounds to a degree.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:46) I do. (15:47) Dude, for most of your life, dude, your community didn't allow you to be next level.

Alan Lazaros

(15:53) And you didn't know why. (15:54) Because it made no sense. (15:56) That still makes no...(15:57) I mean, it makes more sense now. (15:58) But yeah, no, I didn't know why. (16:00) And you know why I didn't know why?(16:01) Everyone acts like they believe in themselves. (16:04) Especially that group. (16:07) It makes a lot of sense now.(16:09) Yeah. (16:11) And then the question becomes, how do you know the difference between fake self-belief and real self-belief?

Kevin Palmieri

(16:20) Action.

Alan Lazaros

(16:22) It's always... (16:23) That's always the answer. (16:24) Because that's not an answer.(16:26) Everybody takes some action, especially when they're around you. (16:29) You look at the past year, the current year, and the projected future. (16:34) But you can't see their actions when you're not there.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:36) But you can see the results of their actions.

Alan Lazaros

(16:39) Yeah, but a lot of people who are amazing have no results. (16:43) Right now, because they're at the beginning. (16:45) If I started Muay Thai tomorrow, I would have no results.(16:48) Doesn't mean I'm not going to be amazing in 10 years.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:50) But I wouldn't bet on you to do it. (16:52) I'd bet on you. (16:52) But I wouldn't bet on the normal person to do it for 10 years.

Alan Lazaros

(16:55) But you would only bet on me because you know me. (16:57) What if you didn't know me? (16:58) You'd assume I was arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:00) Yeah, I wouldn't bet on you if I didn't know you. (17:02) Because statistically, I'd be right. (17:06) You know, like, dude, how many people start Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and then the percentage of them that become a black belt in 10 years is incredibly small.(17:17) Yeah, I know. (17:18) Because of course it is. (17:20) It's hard.(17:21) It's not easy.

Alan Lazaros

(17:22) I know.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:23) That.

Alan Lazaros

(17:24) It is landing. (17:27) It's landing. (17:28) There's a lot of acceptance around all this for me lately.

Alan Lazaros

(17:33) What's shifted? (17:38) I think acceptance of being very different.

Alan Lazaros

(17:50) That's the best way I can describe it without coming off like an asshole. (17:53) But like, you do come off, unfortunately, like an asshole when you aren't really trying to be one. (18:04) So you invalidate.(18:06) Like, if I said running a mile a day every day is not going to be hard for me, that's my truth. (18:13) But that's very invalidating for people who struggle. (18:17) But it's like, yeah, but why do I have to be different for you?(18:24) And so you kind of lock this part of you away that you're not allowed to share. (18:28) And it's very vulnerable to share that. (18:30) Like, I think a lot of people are afraid to admit that running a mile a day would be hard.(18:35) I'm not afraid to admit it would be hard. (18:37) People love you when you say that. (18:40) What I'm afraid to say is it's going to be a fucking joke, and I'm going to do it forever, and it's going to be no problem.(18:44) That is not socially acceptable. (18:47) It doesn't make it not true. (18:50) And I just, one of them is social and the other one's real.(18:54) And social never worked for me. (18:58) Real life, I love, like, real challenge. (19:04) Social challenge is atrociously unwinnable.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:09) I think it's, look, I think it's a beautiful thing. (19:13) The way it's all worked. (19:14) I do.(19:15) I think it's a wonderful, I've had the privilege of learning what that end is like. (19:20) You've had the privilege, if you want to call it that, of learning what this end is like. (19:26) And I just think, I think it has helped us tremendously to understand people, even in our groups, next level fitness accountability group.(19:36) I want you to be as next level as you want to be. (19:40) I don't care what that means.

Alan Lazaros

(19:42) Is that new for you, though? (19:44) That's not new for you or me?

Kevin Palmieri

(19:45) No, no, no, no. (19:47) But I think the understanding that, like, for some people, it's going to be 30 minutes of exercise.

Alan Lazaros

(19:51) Awesome.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:53) For other people, it's going to be, you're going to exercise. (19:56) You're going to, I don't, what is the label? (19:58) You're going to exercise every day for 60 minutes and do Miles for Mindset every day?

Alan Lazaros

(20:01) Yeah. (20:02) Miles for Mindset will be a part of it. (20:05) So 60 minutes is the minimum every day.(20:08) And then I have to run a mile every day. (20:10) I don't have to do anything. (20:11) I'm choosing to do this.(20:12) And the thing that I love about it is, Miles for Mindset, the concept is I have to listen to something inspirational, motivational, or instructional. (20:19) That, in my AirPods, it's been the best. (20:21) So for me, it's not just about the run.(20:23) Sometimes it's seven minutes. (20:24) Sometimes it's 730. (20:25) Sometimes it's 950.(20:28) It depends on my mood, easy days, hard days, you name it. (20:31) It's me versus me. (20:32) But my favorite part of it is it gets me into myself because I get to listen to something that touches my fucking soul, gets my head right.(20:44) It's so grounding. (20:45) It's been really good. (20:47) And then my cardio is better.(20:48) There's a bunch of other benefits, obviously. (20:50) I sleep better. (20:51) My hormones are better.(20:52) My sex life is better. (20:53) Everything's better. (20:55) But the real thing for me, more than anything, if it wasn't for the mindset thing, I wouldn't do it.(20:59) Well, so here's the conversation.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:01) This is the interesting thing. (21:02) If you're out there and you heard that and you felt any type of way, I would explore what that type of way is and why. (21:09) When I saw it, I was like, yeah, okay, that tracks.(21:12) Okay, cool. (21:13) And then my next thought was like, at 100, though? (21:17) What's that going to be like when you're...(21:19) And I was like, well, he's thought of that, of course. (21:20) All right, cool.

Alan Lazaros

(21:20) Nice little shuffle step.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:22) Like a little, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(21:23) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:23) If, where are you in the spectrum? (21:26) Are you like, fuck yeah, that's amazing, good for you? (21:29) Or did that thought process, did that statement that somebody else made trigger insecurity in you?(21:38) I feel you and I've been there. (21:41) That is you problem, not an ally problem. (21:43) It just is, right?(21:44) That's just like it was a me problem, not the other person problem. (21:48) Now, if somebody came on here and said, I'm going to run a mile every day for the rest of my life, you fat fuck, you are a loser because you don't do anything and blah, blah, that's different, right? (22:00) That is completely different.(22:01) But I think some of us hear a message or a statement and then we translate that into our own trauma response. (22:10) And then we...

Alan Lazaros

(22:10) Exactly. (22:11) And the trauma response sometimes is fight.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:13) Unfortunately, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(22:14) So if you trigger everyone's insecurities, a lot of times they lash out for what seems like no reason. (22:19) It's like, I believe in you more than your friends do. (22:22) Why are you attacking me?(22:24) Yeah, I believe in myself, but I believe in you too. (22:28) It's like, why are you so angry with me? (22:30) Why can't you ever be happy that I'm successful?(22:36) It's not like I started at the top of this freaking mountain. (22:39) You know, it's just weird. (22:40) The whole thing's weird, but it makes sense.(22:42) It does make sense logically. (22:44) Emotionally, it's just deeply painful when people you love don't want to see you succeed. (22:48) But it has nothing to do with you.(22:49) It has to do with them. (22:50) And that's the reality. (22:51) We all are in our own self-protection mechanisms.(22:53) And that's been hard to face and accept. (22:56) And every now and then I'll have a client come to me and they'll say, like, I'm being villainized by my peers. (23:03) And I said, of course you are.(23:04) Welcome to the fucking club, by the way. (23:07) Of course. (23:07) You think you're just gonna be next, next, next, next, next, next, next level and everyone's gonna still like you?(23:11) That ain't real. (23:12) That's not real. (23:14) Everyone at the top of every game gets villainized, period.(23:17) And some of them are actually villains. (23:19) Some of them fucking aren't. (23:20) Some of them are actually wonderful human beings trying to help others and make the world a better place.(23:24) Some of them are the most selfless people you've ever met. (23:27) But you don't know that because they seem arrogant to you and you're super insecure. (23:32) And just look in the mirror, please, and say, am I just wicked insecure?(23:38) If I wasn't insecure and I believed in myself, would I still be upset by what they just said? (23:44) I think everyone comes down to one of two. (23:47) Either your pain is real life and you don't feel like you're in control of your own future or your pain is social because you're in complete control of your own future.(23:56) I said this in group coaching. (23:57) You had to handle a client. (23:59) But I said this in group coaching.(24:00) I said some people, really, everything they decided to do, they actually do do. (24:05) Like some people didn't stumble upon this. (24:07) Some people designed it all.(24:10) And my relationship with Emilia, my life, my business, my home, my friendships, my peer group, my team, all of it's by design. (24:17) All of it. (24:18) And does that mean I wasn't fortunate to be born in Massachusetts?(24:22) No, I'm not taking anything from that. (24:24) But none of this was by accident. (24:27) Like, pretty much none of it, actually.(24:29) I decided to meet someone like Emilia before I met her. (24:32) You were there. (24:34) And you were like, I don't know, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:37) Shook the eight ball. (24:38) It's like, well, it seems unlikely.

Alan Lazaros

(24:40) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (24:40) That's not a no. (24:41) That's not a no.(24:42) He didn't actually have an eight ball. (24:44) No.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:45) I do need one, though.

Alan Lazaros

(24:46) You think? (24:48) Uh, I don't think it will help, no. (24:50) You imagine?(24:52) Seems like it's going to be so. (24:54) Yeah, no, you don't need an eight ball. (24:56) You need skills and intelligence and humility and work ethic.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:00) Yeah, yeah. (25:00) All right, what's the takeaway? (25:01) I know this, we were all over the place in this episode.(25:03) But I think, I think that's important because that's the piece is like, one of the reasons you're in the community you're in is probably because of your trauma response, unfortunately. (25:12) And one of the reasons the people that want you in the community is because of your trauma response, because they can shit on you without you doing anything about it and not understanding. (25:22) Like that is unfortunate, but true.

Alan Lazaros

(25:24) Yeah. (25:25) Ask yourself if your peers are shitting on you.

Alan Lazaros

(25:28) And if someone is shitting on you for your goals and dreams, they most likely don't believe in themselves. (25:38) Why would someone, assuming your goals and dreams are good for yourself and the world and others, like you're not, your goals aren't at the detriment of other people. (25:46) But like, yeah, that's a tell.(25:48) If you tell someone a goal and they shit on you or you celebrate that you achieved a goal and they shit on you, that's a tell. (25:59) That's a bully. (26:00) That's a bully.(26:01) Yeah, you've got to get away from bullies. (26:03) You can't win with bullies in your corner. (26:05) I tried.(26:07) Facts.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:07) Facts for sure. (26:08) My takeaway, I've pretty much said it, but your community is either going to multiply you or divide you. (26:17) It's going to make you better or it's going to slow you down.(26:20) And if you're subconsciously afraid to grow because of the people around you, you're not going to grow by accident. (26:27) It just doesn't really work that way, right? (26:29) We're all putting a ton of conscious effort into growing.(26:32) And most of us, myself included, I'm not growing as fast as I want to, even though I'm dedicating so much to it. (26:37) If I had a group of people, a peer group around me that made me feel bad about growing, I would be jeffed.

Alan Lazaros

(26:44) Jeffed.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:44) Jeffed for sure. (26:46) All right.

Alan Lazaros

(26:46) It's way worse.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:48) Way worse. (26:49) Way worse.

Alan Lazaros

(26:49) Getting the next level community, Kevin and I built this thing because we felt like we didn't belong.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:55) And very honestly, not with ego, we did a 10 pound in 10 week challenge and somebody was new to the group. (27:06) And it was, I don't remember what it was, but it was like, oh, I'm going to crush this. (27:09) I'm going to crush.(27:10) I'm going to, I'll be the one to do it. (27:11) It's like, okay, good luck. (27:13) Don't forget.(27:14) I'm in the group. (27:15) Good luck. (27:16) Good luck.(27:17) Good luck with, with now, again, I want you to beat me. (27:21) I just don't think you can, but I want you to. (27:24) And I would be there.(27:25) I would be the first one celebrating you.

Alan Lazaros

(27:28) That the interesting thing too, is our community, we don't really, uh, we don't really pour into any of that. (27:37) The competition, like respect is at the epicenter.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:40) I think competition is dangerous because you don't always know why people are doing it.

Alan Lazaros

(27:44) Yeah. (27:44) Competition is great if it's to motivate each other and to, I think it's necessary actually. (27:50) However, you can't, I think respect, respect for yourself and others is, is at the epicenter of all things.(27:58) I know you, I'm proud of that. (27:59) We had a moment where someone asked about, uh, GLP one or whatever it is. (28:04) And I don't, I don't know much about it.(28:06) I just, I haven't studied it. (28:07) I, I was epic, blah, blah, blah. (28:08) Like no, no quick fixes, not interested.(28:11) But anyways, so, uh, she asked authentically about it. (28:15) Shout out to you. (28:16) I know you're listening.(28:16) This is a client. (28:17) And everyone was like, we honor what you want to decide. (28:20) However, what we believe is that it's not what's best for you.(28:24) It was, that was a proud moment for me of like, as a leader. (28:29) You know, we've co-created an environment where everyone was so respectful in their response. (28:34) That was like a really, really proud moment to the point where I didn't even comment on it.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:39) I was like, I don't think I did either. (28:40) That the group's got it. (28:42) Don't need to.

Alan Lazaros

(28:42) Yeah. (28:43) I don't think I said anything or maybe I reinforced what everybody else said, but it was a really authentically proud moment for me to see no one shit on her. (28:52) No one was disrespectful.(28:53) Everyone honored her choice and her freedom of choice. (28:57) And this is what we believe is best, but you do you.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:01) Well, we're talking about the fitness group. (29:02) If you're interested in joining a fitness accountability group where there are leaders in there and not just Alan and I, there's other leaders in the community for sure, cranking along, but it's a good place to be. (29:12) Nobody is going to make fun of you.(29:13) Nobody is going to try to hold you back. (29:15) And nobody is afraid of you being more quote unquote successful than they are. (29:18) That's inspirational.(29:20) That's motivational. (29:20) That's why people are in there. (29:21) So that's one thing.(29:22) And if you're looking for somebody who is in your corner and wants to see you win more than anybody else possibly could, Alan is your guy. (29:29) He's been that for me for nine years. (29:31) And maybe one day I'll believe in myself as much as he believes in me.(29:34) I highly, highly doubt it, but I definitely believe in myself more than I used to. (29:39) So I would say that is a big win.

Alan Lazaros

(29:41) I think you're getting there, man.

Alan Lazaros

(29:43) I think you might pass it at some point.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:44) You think?

Alan Lazaros

(29:46) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:46) Well, you know, I don't get out of bed for anything less than a Jibo. (29:51) Do not call me. (29:52) Do not text me.(29:52) No, no, I don't. (29:54) I don't know. (29:54) We'll see.(29:55) I want to be confident, but I want to be confident in motion. (29:58) I want to be confident through character. (30:00) I want to...(30:01) I heard something really cool in a book the other day, and it was about one of the... (30:06) I don't remember who it was. (30:07) I don't remember what company it was.(30:09) But he was the CEO, and he said, I'm always trying to earn the position.

Alan Lazaros

(30:13) Always.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:13) Always trying to earn the position.

Alan Lazaros

(30:15) That's good stuff.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:16) A really good way to look at things.

Alan Lazaros

(30:17) Every day.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:18) Every day.

Alan Lazaros

(30:18) Yeah, the rent is due every day. (30:19) That's good stuff.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:20) The rent is due every day. (30:21) As always, we love you. (30:23) We appreciate you.(30:23) Grateful for each and every one of you. (30:24) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(30:31) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (30:34) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:35) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (30:39) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(30:42) We mean it when we say family. (30:44) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (30:47) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(30:51) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.