The 4 Types Of People In Your Life (2442)

The people around you matter more than most people want to admit. Some raise your standards. Some quietly tolerate your growth. Some support your mission. Others make success harder than it needs to be. In this episode, Kevin and Alan break down the different types of people who influence your self-belief, boundaries, consistency, and long-term success.

They look at why certain relationships become constraints, how ambition can trigger insecurity in others, and why real leadership means supporting people without abandoning yourself. This episode is about discernment, identity, psychological strength, and choosing alignment over approval. Press play, then audit the room before you blame the road.

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For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

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Show notes:
(3:21) When people pull you down
(5:46) Loving someone without holding them back
(7:24) Leadership without self-abandonment
(13:27) Practicing boundaries with neutral people
(16:24) Choosing goals over old expectations
(21:43) Why givers need stronger limits
(28:16) Being happy for others first
(31:16) Stop comparing and build your own goals
(36:06) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) There are four types of people in your life. (0:03) Hopefully, there are a lot of one type and then a very small percentage of another, because if one of those buckets is too filled with too many people, too many people's opinions, too many people's negativities, you are not going to be successful. (0:18) And if you are, somehow, and you break through all of that noise, they're actually going to make your life harder.

Alan Lazaros

(0:25) Everyone I've ever coached has a what I call targeting the constraint. (0:31) They have a constraint. (0:32) They have something blocking them, some obstacle, some inner or outer person, place, thing, or idea holding them back from what they want to achieve.(0:41) And it depends on the person. (0:43) And I think that this episode is going to give some clarity as to what your constraint might be. (0:47) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:50) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:52) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:55) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(1:02) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:08) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:24) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:30) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:36) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,442, the four types of people. (1:41) There's a lot of fours in today's episode. (1:44) I've been doing my cooking with Kev series on Instagram, my cooking with Kev.(1:51) And again, it's literally just me usually heating up rice and then putting my ground beef with my rice and my Brussels sprouts because I eat pretty much the same thing every day. (1:58) And yesterdays, I went back to an OG framework that we haven't talked about in a long time. (2:07) And you do really, really well with one of these.(2:11) I think you're a shining example of number four. (2:15) Thanks, man. (2:16) Stick around.(2:17) Number four is my favorite.

Alan Lazaros

(2:18) Number four is my favorite.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:19) But seriously, I know I'm joking, but seriously. (2:21) Okay. (2:21) First type of person.(2:22) Why do you say that? (2:23) You're going to fucking listen and you're going to learn. (2:27) Sorry.(2:27) First type of people. (2:29) Sounds good. (2:30) First type of person.(2:32) They don't care whether or not you succeed. (2:36) Indifferent. (2:38) Take it or leave it.(2:39) Right? (2:39) Hey, do you mind if Kev comes to the cookout? (2:42) I don't care.(2:43) Could care less. (2:44) Take it or leave it. (2:44) That type of energy.(2:47) Right? (2:47) Don't care. (2:48) If he's there, cool.(2:49) If he's not there, he won't be missed. (2:51) Call that type neutral. (2:53) Neutral.(2:54) Neutral type. (2:55) Neutral. (2:56) That's type one.(2:57) Type two. (2:58) They do not want to see you succeed. (3:02) My favorite type.(3:03) Yeah. (3:03) Alan's favorite type. (3:04) They are like, I do not want Kevin at the cookout no matter what, because if he's at the cookout, I'm going to have a worse time, hypothetically.(3:12) Right?

Alan Lazaros

(3:12) And it's going to be a mirror on a spotlight shining down on me being a fucking lazy bastard. (3:19) Okay. (3:19) That.(3:20) I was thinking of a specific person. (3:21) These are the crabs in the bucket, right? (3:23) These are people that try to pull you down.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:25) It's that. (3:26) Yeah. (3:27) Yeah.(3:27) Or they don't even like, instead of trying to pull you down, they'll make sure there's no ladder that comes over. (3:32) It's like not even pull you down. (3:35) They might have an opportunity that would be good for you that they just won't even tell you about.(3:39) Because if they do tell you about it, you might take it and you might leave them behind. (3:42) Those vindictive assholes, man. (3:45) Yeah.(3:45) Assholes.

Alan Lazaros

(3:46) Not good. (3:46) That's the second type. (3:48) What do we call them?(3:49) The first one's neutral. (3:50) The second one is the- Net negative. (3:53) Net negative.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:55) Third type. (3:56) They want you to succeed. (3:58) They want you to succeed.(4:00) They're cheerleading. (4:02) They're supportive. (4:03) They want you to succeed.(4:05) Nice. (4:06) We'll call them net positive. (4:08) Cool.(4:08) Net positive. (4:09) Fourth type. (4:10) Alan Lazarus right here.(4:11) They want you to succeed regardless of themselves. (4:15) The rarest type. (4:16) I'm convinced this type takes a lot of self-belief, takes a lot of abundance in your own unique skill set, because you're not afraid if this person leaves and is successful, I can't be successful.(4:26) I aspired to be this at the beginning. (4:29) I was three. (4:31) I was three.(4:32) I wanted to be four. (4:33) Brother, I wanted to be four. (4:35) But if you go on Love Island and something pops off, you're going to leave the kid behind.(4:41) Something would have popped off for sure. (4:42) Yes, it would have popped off for sure. (4:44) I can't have you on Netflix doing nose candy.(4:49) You know, it's going to be really hard to build a personal brand. (4:51) This used to be my co-host. (4:53) Yeah.(4:54) Oh yeah, no, I knew Alan. (4:55) Alan Lazarus? (4:57) Yeah, yeah, I'm very familiar with him.(4:58) I used to do business with him until he went on Love Island, fell in love with a model, and moved to Costa Rica. (5:05) I haven't heard from him since. (5:06) He forgot about the kid.(5:07) I got up there. (5:08) I'm the reason he got on that show in the first place. (5:10) I helped him overcome a lot of his inner stuff.(5:13) He completely forgot about me. (5:16) Without me, he wouldn't even have fucking gone. (5:18) Never would have been there.(5:20) Kid didn't have a camera presence at all when I met him. (5:22) Yeah, the kid wasn't even good looking until I taught him fitness. (5:25) Forgot about me.(5:26) That was funny. (5:27) The fourth bucket is people that want to see you win regardless of themselves.

Alan Lazaros

(5:32) Yeah. (5:33) I am at that place now for sure. (5:35) Nice.(5:35) For sure. (5:37) That's because now you have certainty that you'll also succeed. (5:39) That and, and here's, this is like, I think this is the deepest level of it.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:46) If you really love somebody and you really care about somebody, you should love them so much that you believe if they think it would be best to be out of your life, you let them. (6:01) Say that one more time. (6:02) If you really, truly love somebody, if you really, truly care for somebody.

Alan Lazaros

(6:06) Yeah, agreed.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:07) Yep, it landed. (6:07) They have an opportunity to go chase something and that means they have to leave you behind for a while and you don't get to see them. (6:14) It is selfish to hold them back.(6:16) Agreed. (6:17) There is a fifth one. (6:18) Please.(6:19) That you missed. (6:20) How dare I?

Alan Lazaros

(6:21) I agree. (6:22) Let me see. (6:23) And how dare you put me at level four when there's a fifth level?(6:25) Well, I didn't know. (6:27) Yeah. (6:27) Maybe we'll, we'll adjust you in real time.(6:29) The fifth level is, uh, it's not that you want to see other people succeed regardless of yourself. (6:38) It's that you want to see others succeed so badly that you'll even help them do it at the detriment of yourself. (6:47) Okay.(6:47) So like that's hero complex. (6:52) Uh, let me shift this a little bit because yes, that is what I just described as the martyr for sure. (6:56) The hero complex.(6:59) And not what you should aspire to get to. (7:02) Agreed. (7:02) Which is why I don't want, which is why I want to change it.(7:04) I figured. (7:04) Uh, because that, what, what would be the, the level that I would say? (7:10) I appreciate your ownership.(7:11) You're level. (7:12) You were three. (7:13) Now you're four.(7:14) Next level university. (7:15) Awesome. (7:16) Level five would be, it's not, I don't want to see you succeed regardless of myself.(7:24) I want you to succeed. (7:25) I want to see you succeed so badly that I will like mentor, coach, guide, support.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:32) Give your success. (7:33) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(7:33) I will take responsibility for some, some of, I will take responsibility. (7:39) And this is something that I have to be careful with, but I will take responsibility for doing everything that I can that isn't at the detriment of myself to see you succeed. (7:49) It's not just, I want to see you succeed regardless of me.(7:52) It's, I actually want to see you succeed probably more than you do. (7:56) And so much. (7:57) In fact, that I will genuinely go out of my way.(8:00) If it's an alignment to make sure that happens, that is a true leader. (8:06) I think. (8:07) Would you say you're willing to make your life harder to make somebody else's easier?(8:10) Abso-fucking-lutely every day for the rest of my life, without a doubt to a fucking detriment at times, but I'm working on that. (8:17) It has to be a win, win, win. (8:19) This is the best way to describe it.(8:21) I'm glad we're talking about this. (8:23) Win for the world, win for the other person, win for you. (8:27) I used to do the win, win, lose on the reg.(8:30) And I eventually realized that that's how you lose turns out. (8:34) So, uh, now it has to be a win, win, win. (8:38) And there's a lot of ways to make it a win, win, win.(8:41) But here's the thing. (8:41) It's, it's a win for the world, win for you. (8:43) It's not necessarily a 10 out of 10 win for me, but it can't be a detriment to me.(8:48) It can't be a positive, positive, negative. (8:51) And it certainly can't be like a level 10 positive for the world level 10 positive for you and a level and a negative 10 for me, it needs to be like a, if it's a 10 for you 10 for the world, and it's a negative one for me, but I'm going to grow from it. (9:04) Maybe I'll do it.(9:05) Right. (9:05) So I always tell my clients, I don't want to, I want to push you outside your comfort zone. (9:10) I want to challenge you to get outside your comfort zone.(9:11) I don't want to push you out of alignment. (9:14) And that's a fine line. (9:15) Like, so as long as it's aligned, then that's level five where you, you really do take some responsibility.(9:23) I do take responsibility for helping you in every way I can. (9:28) That's aligned to be successful, as successful as possible, because the truth is, is that's how you make the world a better place, right? (9:34) Like I can't change the world alone.(9:37) I have to change the world by leading leaders. (9:39) And that's the only way to do it. (9:43) Book clubs.(9:44) I have several leaders that I've known for years that have a couple of them have been there for free for fucking five years. (9:53) You know, and, and that's okay. (9:56) Cause they'll, they'll impact other people too.(9:58) And to me, that's how the world changes. (10:01) Genuinely.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:01) I think there's an upside to all of these two for both people. (10:06) I think the, the hardest one obviously is the people that don't want to see you win. (10:13) Maybe, okay.(10:13) Maybe the opposite of five is one where they will literally remember the, um, they'll go out of their way to they'll, they'll hurt themselves to hurt you. (10:27) Yeah. (10:28) They'll hurt.(10:28) You remember the old, the old, uh, story of the frog and the scorpion? (10:34) Oh yeah. (10:34) Of course.(10:35) For those who don't know real quick, I don't know where, who the hell am I? (10:38) What have I, what has happened to Kev? (10:41) I have no idea.(10:41) I don't know where this was. (10:43) I think this was in like maybe a John Maxwell book or something. (10:44) I don't know.(10:45) There's a scorpion and a frog in the, um, scorpion says, Hey, can I hit your ride? (10:52) Cross the river. (10:53) Frog says, nah, nah, dude, you're stinking.(10:55) You know, the scorpion says, brother, if I sting you, I drown. (11:01) I'm not gonna sting you. (11:01) I want to survive.(11:02) I'm trying to get across the river. (11:04) It's a gangster frog. (11:06) So the frog, the frog thinks about it and he's like, yeah, that's true.(11:09) That's actually a really good point. (11:10) Like if you sting me, I'm going to die. (11:12) And then you're going to die because you can't swim.(11:13) That logical. (11:14) Sure. (11:14) Hop on, hop on.(11:15) Let's do this. (11:16) So they start going little casual talk, nothing crazy. (11:20) They're not best friends yet or anything, but halfway through frog feels a pinch in his back, looks up, scorpion stung him.(11:27) What the fuck, dude? (11:29) Now we're both going to die. (11:31) Scorpion says, Hey man, that's what scorpions do.(11:32) And then they just both sink to the bottom. (11:34) And that's the end of the fucking story. (11:36) I think level ones can be that.(11:39) I think level ones can be that. (11:41) You know, this, this was your example. (11:44) Sorry.(11:44) They didn't want to see, they didn't care if they won. (11:49) They just didn't want to see you win. (11:50) Oh, it was the worst.(11:51) That was my least favorite thing in the whole world. (11:53) That's a level one. (11:54) That's a level one.(11:55) So that, that part, there isn't a ton of upside to that for you.

Alan Lazaros

(11:59) If you're out there, I don't think. (12:01) You put them in the wrong order. (12:02) So level one is the one that wants to see you lose and will go out of their way to their own detriment to see you lose.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:07) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(12:08) Level two then would be the one that is neutral.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:10) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(12:11) Neutral. (12:12) And then level three is.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:13) Well, this was based upon four. (12:14) You gave me five. (12:15) So now we have three.

Alan Lazaros

(12:16) I know. (12:16) No, no. (12:17) Now it's a new framework.(12:18) It's a good thing. (12:19) I think we should create the five levels. (12:21) I think that's one.(12:21) And there'll be a scorpion or a frog on there. (12:23) I think that's even more cool. (12:26) A gangster scorpion and a frog.(12:29) With a hat backwards frog, for sure. (12:31) Yeah. (12:31) No, no, no, no, dude.(12:33) No, no, dude.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:34) No, no, dude. (12:35) I'm too smart for that.

Alan Lazaros

(12:36) Too smart for that shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:39) So I have a point. (12:44) Do you have a point or no?

Alan Lazaros

(12:45) What was I going to say before you didn't let me interrupt you?

Kevin Palmieri

(12:51) Shit. (12:51) Let me figure, let me finish my point quickly and then it'll come back. (12:55) Uh, first that, number one, there's not like a ton of upside for you to be around that type of person.(13:01) I think it makes you abundantly clear of who you don't want to be around. (13:04) If you've never been around that type of person, you don't know how negative they can be. (13:08) That's the upside is maybe you have perspective.(13:11) Indifferent. (13:11) There is no upside. (13:12) I'm just, let's say if we had to find one, if we had to find one.(13:16) Indifferent. (13:17) Okay. (13:18) No upside.

Alan Lazaros

(13:18) Fuck perspective. (13:19) Get away from those people immediately.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:20) That's a good, we'll make a t-shirt of that. (13:21) Fuck perspective. (13:23) Second one, number two.(13:25) Indifferent. (13:26) Neutral. (13:27) Yeah.(13:27) I think those types of people are really good to practice boundaries on. (13:32) Because the up, they're not going to like freak out, but they're also not going to be super supportive. (13:35) It's like, they're just kind of like, whatever, man.(13:37) Oh, you got to go run a mile. (13:38) It's whatever. (13:39) I don't give a fuck.(13:40) You can go do whatever you gotta do. (13:41) But they're not like, hey, please stay. (13:43) You don't need to run a mile.(13:44) It's bad for your knees. (13:45) Like, what about when you're 90? (13:46) You're not going to be able to walk.(13:48) It's not that. (13:49) And they're not like, yeah, man, let me, um, yeah, I got your running shoes ready. (13:52) And you need water and you like electrolytes.(13:54) They're not going to do that. (13:55) It's more like, dude, whatever, do whatever, man. (13:58) I think it's really good to set boundaries in that situation.

Alan Lazaros

(14:02) Great, great framework. (14:03) The, you have to get away from level one for sure. (14:09) Have to, have to as much as possible.(14:14) Level two, great. (14:19) Just don't spend major time with minor people. (14:21) Oh, the Jim Rohn quote.(14:22) I found it. (14:23) You were talking about the frog and the scorpion. (14:25) Oh, Jim Rohn has a great quote.(14:28) I like it. (14:29) He says, you know, people always say liars shouldn't lie. (14:32) What do you mean?(14:33) They're supposed to lie. (14:33) We call them liars. (14:35) It's, it's, I think there's something in it that is beyond the joke.(14:40) And I told the joke wrong, but don't you think that you reach a point where you no longer expect people to change? (14:48) At least I, I'm getting, I know you were probably there years ago. (14:52) Years ago.(14:52) Yeah. (14:53) Years ago. (14:53) I, I think people can.(14:58) I don't think that they will necessarily anymore. (15:02) In other words, I'm not expecting a scorpion to be different than a scorpion.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:06) It should be a surprise and not an expectation.

Alan Lazaros

(15:08) Yeah. (15:09) Pleasant surprise.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:10) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(15:10) Whereas I think there was a time in my life. (15:13) I know there was, where it was like, I believed that maybe they might change. (15:19) Like the scorpions wouldn't, I was the naive frog who would get drowning repeatedly.(15:24) Yeah. (15:25) A hundred percent. (15:26) Yeah.(15:26) You've seen it happen many times, right? (15:28) We have a blacklist to prove it. (15:30) No, but, uh, the truth of the matter is, is I don't think I have that anymore.(15:34) That's gone now. (15:35) I don't, I don't expect a scorpion not to sting me anymore. (15:37) That's really nice.(15:38) It's like way better on this side. (15:40) For sure. (15:41) And I know that that's obvious to you, but.(15:43) Well, there's a lot of things that have been obvious to you that haven't been obvious to me. (15:46) Exactly. (15:46) Well, exactly.(15:48) And yeah, that's real nice. (15:49) It's like, I'm never going to go around a level one again. (15:51) And if I, if there's even a remote touch within a 10 foot pole of not, uh, of stinging me, I'm never going to see you again.(16:01) It's going to be great. (16:02) It's like, it's the coolest thing ever for someone who used to struggle with this. (16:05) It's like, oh, that's over.(16:07) That's like done now. (16:08) So yeah, I don't have that. (16:10) Whatever fear of abandonment and all that helped me back.(16:12) Like none of that's there anymore. (16:15) It's, it's nice. (16:15) I even said this on a podcast earlier.(16:17) If any of my friends from pre 26 are listening, I would sit you down. (16:22) I wouldn't sit you down. (16:22) I would just have you hear this.(16:24) I did choose my goals and dreams over you. (16:28) I did. (16:30) I chose my mission, my goals and my dreams over you.(16:33) And I understand if you're upset and that is the truth and I'm not going to dance around it. (16:39) And however you feel about that is entirely your prerogative. (16:41) I mean, that's new for me, especially on a public medium.(16:45) I mean, that whole thing, it's like, no, but you don't understand I really do value. (16:48) I do, of course. (16:49) But that is the truth.(16:50) Like I, I chose to reach my full potential and to reach my goals and dreams and my mission over my friendships. (17:00) I think I have made peace with that. (17:02) The best types of friends.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:04) But again, I'm weird. (17:05) I think the best types of friends that are like, yeah, go do your thing. (17:08) Like, yeah, I'm going to see you less and that sucks.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:10) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:11) I, my buddy, Matt, he's having a kid in like a month. (17:15) We've been trying to get together. (17:16) I haven't seen him in six months.(17:19) I don't even know. (17:19) It's been a long time. (17:21) And I've been trying to get ahold of them back and forth.(17:23) One of us drops the ball. (17:24) We missed the message for two weeks. (17:26) I will never, ever, ever, ever complain about that.(17:30) Ever, ever to a detriment. (17:32) That's why we work to a detriment. (17:34) I want him, I want him to know I value him and I want to see him.(17:36) But like, I will never poke that. (17:38) Like, dude, you believe in freedom.

Alan Lazaros

(17:40) I think there's, I think there's more important shit than you texting me back. (17:44) We have such a, uh, allergic reaction to peer pressure and guilt and shame. (17:50) Yeah.(17:50) And that's one thing I've not even, even with the person in the group who asked about, uh, GLP one, I don't know any, I don't like go anywhere near any of that stuff. (18:00) So I'm not, it was Epic or whatever.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:02) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(18:03) The point is, is everyone was so respectful of her choice. (18:08) It was like, we don't think that you should, but we honor you if you do. (18:14) And we totally understand it's your life.(18:16) And I love that. (18:17) I think I've always wished that upon a star. (18:21) No, I've always wished that for my friends and for myself.(18:23) Like some of the people, I mean, dude, you, and I'll keep this all anonymous, but there are some people that had vehement opinion. (18:30) Like I'm talking vehement opinions about what I should and should not do with my life. (18:35) And in hindsight, it's like, wow, how fucking arrogant are you?(18:39) It's like what you just presuppose that, you know, me better than I know myself. (18:42) And that this won't work for me. (18:44) And like that, it's so arrogant.(18:47) It is. (18:47) Oh, I'm trying to protect you. (18:49) What?(18:49) From my fucking dreams, you asshole. (18:53) Like it's so fucked up, dude. (18:55) It is.(18:55) It's arrogant. (18:56) You seriously think, you know, what's best for me better than I know for me. (18:59) And you've never studied anything.(19:01) Like the people who actually could give me advice are the ones who the most reluctant to give me advice.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:06) Well, I think people are afraid you're going to get hurt.

Alan Lazaros

(19:09) I think they're afraid that I'm going to leave. (19:11) I think some people. (19:12) As well.(19:12) And or that I'm going to actually prove that they're not going to achieve anything and they're insecure about it. (19:17) And I would much rather them just be vulnerable and say, hey, I'm scared you're going to go off and change the world without me. (19:26) And I really, if you had said that, I'd be like, oh, that makes a lot of sense.(19:31) Because all this other weird shit doesn't make any sense. (19:33) Right? (19:34) That makes a lot of sense why you treat all this this way.(19:37) So for the longest time, I didn't understand the social world was so confusing. (19:42) It was like no one was direct, you know, no one was just like, hey, I chose my goals, dreams and mission over you. (19:48) And I'm sorry if that hurts.(19:49) Most people know. (19:51) Yeah. (19:51) I mean, that's like a level of.(19:53) You don't think those the scorpions know? (19:57) Are they that ignorant to their own manipulation? (20:01) I think the problem.(20:02) I guilted you once in nine years and I immediately apologized because I saw it. (20:05) I was like, oh, what the fuck was that? (20:07) And the only reason I did it is because I was so massively out of alignment too.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:11) You're like, dude, it doesn't work. (20:12) You got me very rarely. (20:14) Does that ever happen?(20:15) Yeah. (20:15) I'm so fucking stubborn by.

Alan Lazaros

(20:16) I still regret that. (20:17) I have a genuine shame.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:18) I got free pizza out of it. (20:20) So it's not like it was the worst thing ever.

Alan Lazaros

(20:21) But still, I can't have it.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:23) I was so far out of alignment. (20:25) I just was like, yeah, you had to take me down with the ship.

Alan Lazaros

(20:29) That's the one time in our relationship in nine years where I tried to take you to the bottom of the ocean with me, you and I on the side of that door.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:37) We did speech one time and I feel like you were sinking and you took me with you.

Alan Lazaros

(20:40) Unfortunately.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:40) No, no, but that was good. (20:41) That was good. (20:42) That was not good.(20:42) No, that was terrible. (20:44) Yeah, it was good. (20:45) The water was warmer than it had been freezing, but it's still deep.(20:48) I think the hard part about this though is it depends. (20:51) The issues you have in your life are directly dependent on where you are in this. (21:00) If you're somebody who has really big goals and you've always been outspoken about your goals, you're going to get a lot of the type ones.(21:07) You'll get a lot of type ones. (21:09) Level ones. (21:09) Level ones, type ones.(21:11) I titled it the four types, so level whatever. (21:14) But if you're an underdog, if you're somebody who's a constant underdog, I'm willing to bet you will have found level fours and maybe level fives. (21:26) If you're extremely driven and ambitious, you probably get seeked out.(21:32) Seeked? (21:33) Sought. (21:34) Sought.(21:35) I was going to say, it's not sucked out. (21:37) I know it's not. (21:37) Seek sucked.(21:38) That would be weird. (21:39) You probably get sought out by other level fours and fives.

Alan Lazaros

(21:43) And level ones. (21:45) Well, yeah. (21:46) That's where the saying givers need to set limits because takers have none.(21:49) What happens is the level fours and fives, they make you feel really good about yourself. (21:53) They make you feel really significant. (21:56) Because if you were neglected or not poured into, you get poured into so much by those people.(22:01) They have so much abundance. (22:02) They have so much to give. (22:04) I didn't realize that I was manufacturing codependence at times in the past by pouring so much in, in an unsustainable way.(22:16) And I didn't realize that those people usually feel insignificant and they don't usually get poured into much. (22:21) Because most people don't believe in them. (22:23) And most people don't waste tons of time and effort trying to get someone to climb a mountain.(22:28) Well, that's, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:30) And then you get villainized.

Alan Lazaros

(22:31) Yeah, exactly. (22:32) And eventually that always came to a head where, and you've had this happen too, but not to the same extent. (22:37) But there were people in our past that we would pour in a lot in the beginning because we had very few listeners.(22:45) And then eventually it's like, listen, I'm not going to have any more. (22:48) I can't keep this up. (22:51) I'm under no delusion.(22:52) And again, I know this is an interesting metaphor. (22:53) I know we got to go. (22:55) When you find a band that you know is going to be really successful and they like let you in the front row and you're in VIP section, you hang out in the after party.(23:05) Like obviously when they blow up, you're not going to be able to do that anymore. (23:08) I think some people really don't get that. (23:12) Like as we got more successful, we're going to be less and less accessible.(23:15) I mean, is that not a fucking obvious no brainer? (23:18) Yeah. (23:19) But I feel like we're still very accessible to the right people.(23:22) Oh, agreed. (23:23) But we're going to be more discerning. (23:25) We're not going to let level twos and ones in all the time.(23:27) You literally can't. (23:29) You think Oprah's bestie is still hanging out with her on the reg? (23:34) It's very important for people to hear this.(23:36) And I know I'm going to come off pretentious, but it's so important. (23:38) The more successful someone becomes, the less time they have. (23:43) It's exponential.(23:45) The more sought after you are, the more you have to say no. (23:49) Like you and I can't like go to a barbecue because we feel like it anymore. (23:54) Like you have a company to run.(23:56) I don't think we, no one ever taught us this. (23:58) So I get it. (23:58) But like, there's, when I worked at Cognex, Rob Willett was the CEO.(24:04) I wasn't expecting FaceTime with the fucking guy. (24:07) I actually got some, which was cool. (24:09) But like, don't people understand?(24:11) Like he has to run the company though. (24:15) If you've never been in that situation, no.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:18) That's not hard to figure out. (24:20) Like for you, for you. (24:23) I've never, dude, I've known every boss.(24:25) I've worked with every boss I've ever had personally. (24:28) How big was the company? (24:29) What was it?(24:29) A 40 person team? (24:30) Like of course. (24:31) Yeah.(24:31) But how, that's all I had. (24:32) That's all I know. (24:33) That's all I know.(24:34) You can't simulate what it might be like for a thousand person. (24:37) You think I'm staying up at night wondering what it's like to be in a 1000 person company. (24:41) I got other shit to think about.(24:43) I think that that's important. (24:46) I do. (24:46) I think it's important to put yourself in other people's shoes.(24:48) I 1000%. (24:50) I'm not saying it's not important. (24:51) I'm just saying like out of all the things for me to put myself, why the fuck would it be that?(24:55) The truth is, why would it be that? (24:57) Because you can't empathize otherwise.

Alan Lazaros

(24:59) And well, yes. (25:02) And I don't know. (25:03) I always had that thing where it was like, yeah, of course.(25:06) Of course they're unavailable. (25:08) I'm not upset. (25:08) Like, of course they forgot my birthday.(25:10) They run a goddamn company. (25:13) They should be worried about running the company. (25:15) Not my fucking birthday.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:16) Yeah, but you're not friends with them.

Alan Lazaros

(25:18) No, but I was. (25:19) I was.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:20) But your definition of friends is different than other people's definitions.

Alan Lazaros

(25:23) I know. (25:24) But what if my definition of friends is more accurate to the reality?

Kevin Palmieri

(25:28) I think it is.

Alan Lazaros

(25:30) Respect. (25:30) Depends on the person. (25:32) It depends on the level of this.(25:33) Like the level fives and level fours. (25:35) This is the paradox. (25:37) And I'm going to give this to everybody because this is important.(25:39) The more sought after you are, the more valued you are, the less time you have, the more valued you are. (25:44) You can't hang out with Oprah. (25:47) You don't get to.(25:48) And everyone knows that. (25:49) Like, there is such thing as like, not everyone's Keanu Reeves, you know? (25:57) He's one of the only people who's famous who like goes to your wedding on a whim because he met you at a bar.(26:02) And people love that and that's fine. (26:03) But he's also not operating the way he used to to get successful. (26:09) Like he's significantly less productive than he used to be.(26:12) And I have no problem with Keanu. (26:13) I think Keanu is great.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:14) I hope he is. (26:15) God, if I find some hot about Keanu, it's going to be the end of me.

Alan Lazaros

(26:17) Oh, it's going to be devastating news. (26:19) The truth and what the truth is, is he got very humbled and down to earth by, you know, you know what I'm saying? (26:25) So there's nothing wrong with Keanu.(26:27) I just, the standard that he's setting for someone who's like ridiculously successful is not possible.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:34) But don't you like to try? (26:37) I just don't think that's a standard that you're trying, you desire to meet.

Alan Lazaros

(26:41) No, my goals require me to not be that available.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:44) I would love to be Keanu.

Alan Lazaros

(26:46) But brother, like. (26:48) I understand. (26:48) You could never be.(26:49) I know, I know. (26:50) Neither could Keanu if there wasn't a production team and production companies and CPAs and all.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:57) But I'm saying.

Alan Lazaros

(26:57) Everyone takes care of all of his stuff for him, right? (27:01) And I totally, right? (27:02) So, but that's also your nature.(27:04) Yes. (27:04) But that doesn't mean you're expecting me to be him. (27:06) No.(27:07) Keanu is supposed to be Keanu. (27:08) Kevin's supposed to be Kevin and Alan's supposed to be Alan.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:11) It doesn't mean I'm not expecting anybody.

Alan Lazaros

(27:12) I do expect you to. (27:15) Well, don't forget who your friends were and all that. (27:17) It's like, yo, everyone does.(27:19) Because you don't understand. (27:20) You don't empathize. (27:21) You don't get.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:22) That whole piece though to me is I. (27:25) I don't forget who my friends are. (27:27) I just understand that a lot of my friends aren't gonna be my friends because they don't.(27:31) They're not gonna grow in the way that I am. (27:33) And we just aren't gonna have the same core values anymore.

Alan Lazaros

(27:36) Well, that's very wise of you. (27:38) I was really hoping that the other people would also feel that way. (27:41) How rare is that?(27:43) Oh, that's, but I don't expect anybody else to know that.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:45) Now I'm just saying for me. (27:46) Is that that hard to understand? (27:48) Extremely.

Alan Lazaros

(27:49) Well, if I were reversed, I would never, I hope like one of my friends from home that I was really close with, I hope they somehow blow up and become really successful and productive and amazing and incredible and top 1% or whatever in their industry. (28:02) And not just that as a human too, I would be pumped. (28:05) I wouldn't be like, oh, you forgot my birthday.(28:07) Yeah, I would be just pumped. (28:08) I know, but that's just you. (28:09) That's the way you're, you're wired.(28:11) I wish, I mean, that's something to aspire to because that's what a good person aspires to. (28:16) You even said it like, be happy for other people before you jump to sad for self. (28:21) Seriously.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:22) I support that.

Alan Lazaros

(28:23) Goddamn. (28:24) But that is a fucking journey. (28:27) I've done the journey, brother.(28:28) That's the basic fucking testament of a good person is you are happy for others.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:35) It's hard. (28:36) That's not easy.

Alan Lazaros

(28:40) I think you need to look at your life and work on it.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:43) I think the negative one is if you're intentionally trying to hold people back.

Alan Lazaros

(28:47) That's the negative number. (28:49) That's manipulative and conniving.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:51) Yeah. (28:51) Level one, that's bad shit.

Alan Lazaros

(28:54) Okay. (28:54) Agreed. (28:55) But if we're in agreement with that level two is still kind of shitty too, which is like level two in this case is neutral.(29:01) So that's not that bad.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:02) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(29:02) Neutral. (29:02) I'm fine with. (29:03) You can feel sad when you see somebody else crush it.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:06) You can feel sad for you. (29:08) But only if you also feel happy for them. (29:11) Yeah.(29:11) But maybe the syntax is sad, then happy.

Alan Lazaros

(29:13) Yeah. (29:13) Fair.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:14) As long as you're not sending them hate mail and lighting bags of shit on fire on their doorstep. (29:18) I'm okay with it. (29:19) Sending them bad comments and bad reviews.

Alan Lazaros

(29:21) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (29:22) It's a pretty low fucking standard. (29:25) Kev thinks you're a good person if you're not lighting bags of shit on fire.(29:29) I just, there are levels to this. (29:31) You know I'm kidding. (29:32) Level two, and I know we're obviously only going to get two episodes done.(29:37) Level two has two sections to it. (29:40) You know, the first level is syntax where you're sad for self first, happy for others second. (29:47) I think the next part of that level would be I'm happy for others first.(29:52) And yeah, that kind of makes me sad for vice. (29:55) And then hopefully you take that sadness and figure out what to improve in your life so that you can be happy for others. (30:01) Like I do realize that that's somewhat of a luxury.(30:06) But dude, I like to believe that even if I, I've had a friend of mine get in unbelievable shape while I let it go straight up. (30:16) And I was still happy for him. (30:18) A hundred percent.(30:19) But I think you're the anomaly. (30:20) And then I was sad for self after that and then I transformed that sadness into positive change. (30:25) You're the anomaly.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:25) I know, but that doesn't mean, don't you believe that's possible for everyone? (30:30) Yeah, but I think it's a long journey. (30:32) As somebody who has gone through the journey, my thing used to be must be nice.(30:35) That was my dude. (30:36) I was that guy. (30:37) No, I never reached out.(30:39) What would you tell, what would you tell him?

Alan Lazaros

(30:41) Because obviously that was a fucking terrible idea, right? (30:48) I'd say tell him, get your fucking shit together and stop shitting on people. (30:53) No, I didn't shit on people.(30:54) I was never that. (30:55) I didn't mean that. (30:56) That was me being playful.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:56) Yeah. (30:57) You better take that back. (30:58) People are going to take that out of context.(30:59) I think I was nice.

Alan Lazaros

(31:02) No, but you were, you were nice externally.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:04) But internally you needed to work through that. (31:06) Well, I think it's, there's just a lot of growth required. (31:12) Of course, you got it.(31:13) What would that have taken? (31:14) What would you do? (31:15) What would you do if you were his mentor?(31:16) You got to set your own, you got to stop, you got to stop ruminating on the accomplishment of other people's goals and you have to start setting and accomplishing your own. (31:24) And you won't have time to fucking feel bad that other people are accomplishing theirs because you'll be so focused on yours.

Alan Lazaros

(31:29) Nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:29) And then you'll be able to be the dude or the lady who sees somebody going after it and goes up to them and says, Hey, let me help you. (31:37) Let me help you in the gym. (31:39) Best example.(31:40) I'm not worried about somebody being stronger than me or looking better than me. (31:42) I'm not worried about that at all. (31:43) Good for you.

Alan Lazaros

(31:44) And you would be if you were weak?

Kevin Palmieri

(31:46) Probably.

Alan Lazaros

(31:47) No, because inner strength, psychological fitness.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:51) Yes, none of that's real.

Alan Lazaros

(31:51) I was weak and frail and lanky. (31:54) I wasn't, I was sad for me, but I wasn't unhappy for them. (31:57) Never.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:58) I don't know. (31:59) That's like a youth thing.

Alan Lazaros

(32:00) I know you hate when I say that, but it is. (32:03) As a matter of fact, some of them that were stomping me at cross country and track, I actually was like sad that they didn't reach their potential. (32:10) I was like, Oh my God, I can't.(32:11) He was amazing. (32:12) I wish that, like, are you serious? (32:14) He could have gone to any college full ride.(32:16) You're more evolved. (32:17) You're more evolved than that. (32:21) Well, at the end of the day, I hope it's a better world that way.(32:24) Like being insecure and fearful. (32:25) And there was one moment with an ex where I was like, Oh my God, do I like, am I like scared for her to leave me? (32:32) Am I scared that she's going to like, and it was like, what the fuck is this?(32:35) This is horrible. (32:36) And I immediately, you know, reassessed, looked in the mirror and said, Alan, it's time to, you know, you're, you're struggling work through your shit. (32:44) It's not fair to her.(32:45) You don't have to be some insecure asshole. (32:48) Not that I was, but like, I was being insecure for sure. (32:51) And, and that she could feel that this was like a week.(32:55) Not even honestly, but it was like, Oh my God, this is horrible. (32:59) Like, I don't feel like myself. (33:00) I need to get my confidence back.(33:01) And then you work on it. (33:02) And there's a, I don't know if you've seen this movie, Taryn would like it. (33:07) It's called Me Before You.(33:12) Emily Clark is in it. (33:14) The guy who played Finnick in the Hunger Games is in it. (33:16) Anyways, it's, it's a romantic comedy, but it's not really a comedy.(33:20) It's also pretty deep. (33:21) It's existential as hell. (33:22) He gets in an accident.(33:23) He was like an all. (33:24) Don't give it away. (33:25) Oh, it's all good.(33:26) Well, what if I want to see it with my wife?

Kevin Palmieri

(33:28) Oh, I didn't get out here. (33:29) Usually you don't want to see any of the movies that Taryn would like it. (33:34) Oh, I make a mental note.(33:35) If you tell me to go watch it, I most likely won't. (33:38) Okay. (33:38) Well, it's a movie.

Alan Lazaros

(33:41) It's a movie. (33:42) That's all we need to know in, in the point of it is, is, and I won't give anything away because it is, it is good.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:47) Also, we have to go.

Alan Lazaros

(33:48) I know this quickest movie review you've ever done. (33:52) I want to make it tied to this episode. (33:54) He is struggling to be happy for others because the life he used to have is gone.(34:02) And he has to read, transform his identity to, to be happy within himself again, without the gifts he used to have. (34:11) And obviously it's a physical injury and that kind of thing, but that's it. (34:14) That's all I'll give.(34:15) But the point is, is like, I would love to believe that we can overcome those things. (34:22) And I would love to believe that if I were to get, you know, something bad were to happen, I would still be able to be happy for Emilio or you or whatever, even if I couldn't come with. (34:30) Right.(34:30) I believe you. (34:31) And that's what I aspire to anyways. (34:33) And I do think that that's a good person.(34:34) I do think that's what a good person aspires to. (34:37) An abundant, spiritual, psychological strength that you want to see good for others and the world regardless of yourself, and then also contribute to it. (34:48) Yeah.(34:48) That's my truth. (34:49) It's hard to stand in that because I do think that I come off a little bit like a prick.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:53) I think that's the goal. (34:54) I think the goal is to get there. (34:55) I think that's a very admirable goal.(34:57) I think that's worth shooting for, for everybody. (34:58) I don't think that's a bad goal. (35:00) I just think it's really fucking hard to get there.(35:03) That's my honest truth.

Alan Lazaros

(35:04) And you think I don't think that?

Kevin Palmieri

(35:05) No. (35:05) Or you think I don't get it? (35:06) Yeah.(35:07) You definitely don't get it. (35:10) No, no. (35:10) Cause I don't think you've ever not been it.(35:12) I told you for one week, brother, you know what I mean? (35:18) You know, it was a tough week. (35:20) I'm sure it was.(35:21) Yeah, it was terrible. (35:21) I did that for, I don't know, 27 years. (35:24) I don't know, whatever.(35:25) 27 times 52 is like 11,000 weeks. (35:28) 11,000 one. (35:30) Yeah.(35:30) No, I can. (35:30) I'm sure you had a pretty bad week. (35:32) Okay.(35:32) All right.

Alan Lazaros

(35:33) Fair, fair, fair, fair.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:34) All right.

Alan Lazaros

(35:34) I do admit that. (35:36) I do admit that I might not understand, but I do, I have been there and it's awful and I feel for someone who's there and you can climb out. (35:43) That's all.(35:43) You can climb out.

Kevin Palmieri

(35:44) All right. (35:44) If you're looking to climb out, one of the best steps, and we're going to talk a little bit about this in next episode, hiring a coach, work with Alan. (35:51) The other beautiful thing about climbing out of it is if you have accountability, it makes it a little bit fucking easier.(35:57) It's not going to make it night and day easier, but you'll have people around you that want to support you. (36:00) Type four, type five, not one. (36:02) We don't want type one.(36:03) Next level fitness accountability group filled with level four, level five. (36:06) As always, we love you. (36:07) Appreciate you.(36:07) Grateful for each and every one of you. (36:08) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (36:13) Keep climbing out of the holes, reaching your next level.(36:17) Next level nation, reaching your full potential. (36:22) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (36:26) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(36:28) We mean it when we say family. (36:30) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (36:34) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

(36:37) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.