Complacency Steals Everything (2443)

In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros break down why complacency can quietly take away the life, relationship, body, business, or identity you worked so hard to build. Through personal examples, coaching insights, and years of self-improvement experience, they show how comfort can slowly lower your standards before you even realize what is happening.

Kevin and Alan unpack the difference between real rest and coast mode, why success still requires humility, and how your effort often exposes what you truly value. This episode is a grounded reminder that growth does not stay with you just because you earned it once. Keep the standard high, or comfort will start making decisions your future has to pay for.

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Show notes:
(3:09) Why drive has to be protected
(5:21) Low effort destroys what matters
(7:08) Comfort, convenience, and coast mode
(8:41) The slow drift in relationships
(13:22) Effort reveals what you value
(15:39) Success and effort are connected
(16:33) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I do not know what's worse, wanting something and not getting there, or wanting something deeply, getting there, forgetting how bad you wanted it in the first place, losing it all, and then realizing it was your fault.

Alan Lazaros

(0:15) The complacency sets in, coast mode sets in. (0:19) Sometimes when you succeed, you rest on that success, you lose your humility, you lose the drive that got you there in the first place. (0:26) There's a ton of people that feel like they are in coast mode, and it's not fulfilling.(0:33) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:36) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:38) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:41) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dreamchasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:47) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:54) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:10) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:16) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:22) Next Level Nation today, for episode number 2443, Complacency Steals Everything. (1:28) I was thinking of what a definition of complacency would be, from my perspective, not the dictionary definition, and I believe it is the expectation of similar and or better results with less effort due to comfort, due to like, you're just so used to it. (1:54) What's the word I'm looking for?(1:55) Familiarity. (1:56) Familiarity. (1:57) I think complacency is arrogance through familiarity.

Alan Lazaros

(2:04) What's your definition? (2:06) Yeah, it's very strong.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:07) Strong to semi-strong? (2:08) Exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(2:08) Yeah, strong to semi-strong. (2:10) What's that from? (2:11) How dare you?(2:12) Meet the Fockers. (2:13) I'm serious. (2:13) What is it?(2:14) Meet the Fockers. (2:14) Nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:15) How's your portfolio? (2:17) I think it was the first one. (2:18) Was it Meet the Parents?

Alan Lazaros

(2:20) Yeah, when you met Kevin.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:21) Yeah. (2:23) Strong. (2:23) I'd say strong to semi-strong.(2:25) Yeah. (2:25) How's your portfolio?

Alan Lazaros

(2:26) You a homeowner, Greg?

Kevin Palmieri

(2:27) No, I rent. (2:29) They're making another one of those, I believe. (2:31) I don't even know what they're on.(2:32) God, that movie's hilarious, man.

Alan Lazaros

(2:34) That movie's good. (2:35) Emily and I are doing a Relationship Talks virtual event tonight, which is not tonight for when you're listening to this, but we're using Meet the Fockers as our reference for how to co-create a deep emotional intimacy in your relationship. (2:47) Obviously, Jack Burns, he has trouble with the emotional side.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:52) I was wondering if it was going to be covert emotional manipulation you're going to be talking about based on some of this stuff. (2:56) We will be mentioning that slightly.

Alan Lazaros

(2:58) Yeah, just injects him with, what's that behind your... (3:01) What is that, a needle? (3:03) He sticks him with it.(3:04) Anyways, all right. (3:05) Those movies are... (3:06) Complacency.(3:07) Why are we doing this? (3:08) World class. (3:08) All right, complacency.(3:09) So, I was hired to help inject drive into a team. (3:20) And yeah, I guess this is my metaphor that I use. (3:24) And I told this to my therapist, Carol, because I was like, hey, if I were to heal from the challenges of my past, I just want to let you know I'm a little bit afraid to lose my edge.(3:40) She said, what do you mean? (3:43) So, I feel really driven. (3:47) Like, I feel really driven.(3:49) And I honestly, we're supposed to be honest here. (3:52) I feel like most people are lazy and not driven at all. (3:55) I don't want to lose that.(3:56) I'm afraid to lose that. (3:58) So, I'm just going to be transparent. (4:00) She's like, I don't think you will.(4:02) And I was like, but here's the crazy part. (4:08) It got way bigger. (4:10) We heard I joke now, it got way bigger.(4:13) It was like, oh my God, I thought I was fucking driven before. (4:17) And this is the metaphor that I use. (4:19) Some people have a candle.(4:20) It's that fire, that passion, that obsession with whatever it takes to reach your full potential. (4:26) Okay, some people have a candle. (4:28) You ever meet those people?(4:30) It's like, they're just fucking chilling, right? (4:34) It's brutal. (4:35) It's like, yo, whoa, you're timid.(4:39) You need to get, we need to light your fucking fire here. (4:42) What are we doing, right? (4:43) It's like a little candle flame blowing in the wind.(4:45) It like blows out immediately. (4:47) And again, I'm sorry, I'm on the other end. (4:50) To me, it's like, you do have fire.(4:53) Everyone does. (4:54) And you've got to ignite it. (4:55) You've got to.(4:56) Otherwise, you will end up complacent. (4:58) That's the point of this episode. (4:59) Don't hate me.(5:00) All right, some people have a candle. (5:02) Some people have the sun. (5:05) When you find someone who has so much drive that they are just unbelievable, right?(5:13) And it's dangerous if you channel it to the wrong things. (5:16) But if you channel it to the right things, it can change the world. (5:19) It's wonderful, passion.(5:21) Complacency is the opposite. (5:23) You just don't care enough to put in effort. (5:28) I coach couples and some of my couples I've coached, the male counterpart in the relationship, is just like, dude, get your head out of your ass.(5:40) Like, you're so lucky and you need to wake up. (5:44) Like, what, you think you're gonna put level 10 effort during the honeymoon phase and then it's gonna go to zero and now that you're married, you're good? (5:52) She's gonna divorce you and she should, dingus.(5:55) I can't even with that shit, man. (5:58) You're over here buying Taryn necklaces on a whim that put her into anaphylactic shock. (6:02) I'm kidding.(6:03) She had a little allergic reaction. (6:04) I'm joking. (6:05) I'm genuinely being joking.(6:06) But dude, the effort needs to be there, man. (6:09) You track proactive thoughtfulness. (6:11) That's effort.(6:13) If I ever catch you stop putting in effort, man, fuck that. (6:17) That ain't who we are. (6:19) Like, you are arrogant and entitled if you stop putting in effort.(6:23) Entropy will destroy all things. (6:25) If you don't use it, you lose it, period. (6:26) You're grateful for your health, show me.(6:28) You're grateful for your marriage, show me. (6:30) You're grateful for me as your coach, show me. (6:34) Show up, do the work.(6:36) It's complacency will kill all great things. (6:38) It will. (6:38) Imagine if you just stopped taking care of your home.(6:41) I think that's a great example. (6:43) It would just completely get destroyed, right? (6:47) Stop taking care of your body.(6:48) Same thing. (6:49) I see complacency all around me all the time. (6:53) And I am all grateful for abundant country.(6:56) We live in an abundant country, you and I. (6:58) We do, wealth-wise. (7:00) But what the hell?(7:03) It wasn't abundance that created this, it was work. (7:07) Ethic.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:08) I think convenience creates complacency, for sure. (7:12) I think accessibility creates complacency, for sure. (7:17) And I think time, unfortunately.(7:21) Now again, I think it's a fight against complacency. (7:26) You think things are gonna be the way they've always been, even if you take your foot off the gas.

Alan Lazaros

(7:31) Well, you struggle with complacency more than I do. (7:33) So debate me. (7:34) Obviously, I'm on the extreme end of this.(7:38) What's the other side of this coin? (7:40) Is there one? (7:42) Obviously, complacency is not good.(7:44) What's your stance? (7:47) Complacency will destroy all good things, all value. (7:50) Complacency will destroy all values.(7:52) Total agreement. (7:53) Yeah, total agreement. (7:54) Okay.(7:54) I don't think it's always- You seem more okay with it than I am.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:58) Well, I think I'm more okay with most things than you. (8:04) I don't know. (8:05) I understand how it happens.(8:06) I don't think it's always like a conscious- The example you used of the marriage, it's like sometimes people are just dinguses. (8:14) And it's like, oh, we're married now, so this is what it is. (8:17) I mean, you've been watching too many fucking movies.(8:19) No, you actually work harder in the marriage, believe it or not, because you live together and you probably have kids and a household, this whole thing. (8:27) Yeah. (8:28) That's different than like- I've been watching too many rom-coms.(8:31) Yeah. (8:32) Go watch The Breakup. (8:33) Let me know how that works out.(8:34) Yeah, that movie will get you. (8:36) That'll get you. (8:37) But I don't- I think it's just like the drift.(8:41) I think for a lot of people, it's just a drift. (8:44) And it's not a conscious arrogance. (8:46) It's just a- Tony Robbins has the quote that you shared with me long ago, when you do what you did at the beginning of a relationship, there is no end to something along the lines of that.(8:55) Yeah, if you put that kind of effort in, I think people forget what it was like.

Alan Lazaros

(9:00) I think that's it, because you don't remember. (9:03) I try really, really hard not to. (9:06) Same.(9:07) I think about that all the time, brother. (9:09) All the time. (9:10) I'm thinking about like- I'm serious.(9:13) I think about like- Alan, don't forget you were a loser. (9:16) You couldn't get a girl like Emilia to fucking look at you. (9:20) No, I think about that all the time, because it keeps me humble.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:24) I think that's one of the- I said to Tyron the other day, I said, my thought process with you is I'm trying to date you again. (9:31) Because when you're trying to date someone, you're just best self.

Alan Lazaros

(9:35) Yeah, you are.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:37) Everything's perfect, reservations. (9:39) You know what? (9:39) I made reservations at three places in case we can't get in the first two.

Alan Lazaros

(9:42) Don't worry about it, you know?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:44) And then eventually it's like, dominoes? (9:47) We make dominoes and I'll light a candle or something, you know? (9:52) Actually, it's a fake candle.

Alan Lazaros

(9:53) I just turned it on here, yeah. (9:54) But I think- I don't know. (9:57) It makes sense.(9:58) No idea why the passion died, you know? (10:00) That's funny. (10:01) Yeah, no, you've got to put in the work.(10:03) Stuff crust or regular?

Kevin Palmieri

(10:03) Stuff crust or regular. (10:04) You look crazy.

Alan Lazaros

(10:05) That's very romantic.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:07) I don't- I think for some people it is an arrogance. (10:10) I think for some people it is a conscious decision to say, I'm just going to get complacent and everything's going to stay the same. (10:15) I think for other people, it's just a drift of misunderstanding.(10:21) If you're in a relationship for the first time, the best relationship you've ever been in, and you think you get to a certain point where it's just going to work, you most likely will get complacent and it probably will end up not working.

Alan Lazaros

(10:32) There's someone I'm thinking of. (10:34) They got married- This had to be a long time ago. (10:37) 10 years ago or something like that?(10:38) And I- Randomly this popped into my head because this is someone I used to party with high school and college. (10:44) And you know this couple, I'll keep it anonymous. (10:46) But I just had this moment of that poor woman.(10:50) Like, this dude put no effort in in the beginning. (10:52) What's it like now? (10:54) You know?(10:54) And it's just like, it makes me sad. (11:02) Just leave him. (11:04) Like, I know that obviously makes it sound too easy, right?(11:08) So, but you have to- Yeah, but- There's no necessity and accountability, you know?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:14) But you get away, I think people get away with complacency because of circumstance. (11:19) Okay, we have a $3,000 mortgage together. (11:22) We have two kids.(11:23) We have three car payments. (11:24) It's like, we have retirement. (11:26) Our finances are combined.(11:27) It's like, yeah, it's bad, but fuck. (11:29) We're gonna start over? (11:32) Like, geez.(11:34) I will never be the guy who's like, yeah, just fucking blow up your life and start over. (11:38) It's like, well- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(11:39) But you could- There's someone I'm working with that is purposely and long-term strategic thinking her way out of a bad situation. (11:52) And it's awesome. (11:53) I was like, oh, so you're playing the long-term chess game?(11:55) She's like, yeah. (11:56) And I said, good for you. (11:57) She's gonna go back to school.(11:58) She's gonna get a new job. (11:59) She's gonna get the pay. (12:01) And it's good.(12:02) And to me, it's like, that's the only wrong answer. (12:04) The only wrong answer is to just like, throw your hands up and do nothing about it. (12:11) Because, yeah, there's no way you don't regret that.(12:16) Like, you have value and you can't settle for- The moment you settle for someone who puts in no effort, I've done it. (12:26) I did it for years. (12:29) Literally a year and a half or more of just like, I don't know.(12:33) It feels like I'm doing an awful lot. (12:35) Yeah, yeah. (12:35) I used to think to myself, effort is something you can increase or decrease.(12:41) Like, I know that genetics and natural talent and drive, some of that's harder to intelligence. (12:46) But like, effort, you could- I mean, that's a measure, right? (12:49) I mean, that tells how much someone really cares about you, right?(12:52) It's like the effort. (12:54) It's like, well, right now we're clocking in about a two. (12:58) And I'm feeling like a one.(12:59) So I should probably do something about this. (13:02) So I'll put in more effort. (13:03) I'm gonna put in more effort.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:04) Well, it'll raise the average.

Alan Lazaros

(13:05) Yeah, they'll eventually told me that that's a terrible idea. (13:10) And I left and it's the best. (13:12) And Emilia's two is more than her 30.(13:15) And she puts in level 10 effort always to everything she does. (13:19) Everything of value. (13:20) And there's something to that too.(13:22) For anyone out there watching or listening, how much effort does your partner put in? (13:27) That is- I mean, what else are you gonna point to? (13:30) Ah, well, she's not that tall or she's too tall or she's too short.(13:33) None of that she can change or he. (13:36) But like, effort, there's your tell. (13:41) I love my job, but I don't put any effort in.(13:44) Bullshit.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:45) Well, no, that's not true because you might love your job because it's easy. (13:48) That's completely- But you know what I'm saying?

Alan Lazaros

(13:51) Someone who- Let's do a better example. (13:55) There's one client that I'm thinking of their partner, past partner, past partner. (14:01) It's like two hockey leagues, one soccer league, three volleyball.(14:05) It's like, dude, what? (14:07) You're not fucking 17 anymore.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:09) I said to Taren the other day, I was like, hey, I'm gonna stop playing golf. (14:14) Like, first of all, on Sundays. (14:17) And if I do, I'm gonna play, I'm gonna get the first tee down.(14:21) And get there at six o'clock. (14:21) I can't be fucking gone from one o'clock to eight o'clock on Sunday. (14:24) What are we doing here?(14:26) While your wife's sitting there by herself.

Alan Lazaros

(14:28) Well, we like our time apart, which is always good.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:30) But like, I feel bad. (14:31) It's like, that's too much. (14:33) That's just too much.(14:34) Like, I gotta find a better way to fucking do this.

Alan Lazaros

(14:37) It's great, man. (14:38) As much as it annoys me sometimes when you can't record late, I also get it. (14:45) Like, I think it's a respect too.(14:48) That's always the goal. (14:49) At least it's effort.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:50) Yeah, that's always the goal. (14:51) Yeah, it's respect and... (14:53) Well, I said to Alan the other day, it was like, hey, I gotta hard stop at 6.15. Like, I'm making dinner. (14:57) It's our seven-year anniversary. (14:58) I'm making dinner. (14:59) I can't fucking...(15:00) Yeah, respect.

Alan Lazaros

(15:01) I can't miss that. (15:02) Yeah, respect. (15:03) Of course.(15:03) And that's why it's like, yeah, of course it's annoying. (15:05) But I totally get it. (15:06) Yeah, of course.(15:07) And I respect the fact that you're putting in effort. (15:10) I think that's, you know, I wanna see more of that.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:12) I think the beautiful thing about this whole thing that we built is like, we are on the same page with that, right? (15:16) Yeah, for sure. (15:17) I don't want you to do anything that's bad for...

Alan Lazaros

(15:20) If you weren't putting in any effort, I would be more concerned. (15:23) For sure, as you should. (15:25) Yeah, and because back to the last episode we did of wanting to see you win and succeed, right?(15:30) And yeah, I know we gotta go, but... (15:34) We do have to go. (15:35) Should we do a part two on this or what?(15:36) What do you think? (15:37) I mean, yeah, I'm game. (15:38) It was about complacency.(15:39) We ended up talking about relationships. (15:40) But if the effort is low, check in with how much you value it. (15:45) Person, place, thing, or idea.(15:46) If you're putting in no effort at your job, don't expect your career to be good. (15:51) If you're putting in no effort into your marriage, don't expect your marriage to be good. (15:54) If you're putting no effort into your fitness, don't expect your fitness to be good.(15:57) Success and effort are very correlated. (16:00) It's not exact, but they are really fucking correlated.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:03) Yeah. (16:04) That is a law for sure. (16:05) Yeah, definitely.(16:05) If there ever was a law, there is the success effort law. (16:08) Like, that is a law. (16:09) 100%.(16:10) That is a law. (16:11) All right, if you're looking to increase your success through actual, real, meaningful effort in the real world, reach out to Alan for coaching. (16:17) If you're looking to increase your results in fitness and you're looking for people to do it with, we have a free, it's totally free, no strings attached, free WhatsApp group, Next Level Fitness Accountability Group.(16:24) Alan and I are in there every single day and there's a bunch of other amazing humans in there every single day. (16:28) So if you are looking for a cool place to grow physically, that'll be the place to do it. (16:33) As always, we love you.(16:34) We appreciate you. (16:35) Grateful for each and every one of you. (16:36) And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.(16:42) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (16:44) Next Level Nation. (16:46) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University.(16:50) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(16:53) We mean it when we say family. (16:55) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (16:58) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(17:02) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.