Why Fitness, Finance, and Family Seems Like An Impossible Game (2449)

In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore why fitness, finance, and family often compete instead of cooperate. Kevin shares what becoming debt-free taught him about sacrifice, financial pressure, and opportunity cost, while Alan pulls from years of coaching individuals, couples, and teams to explain why most people are strong in one area, average in another, and underdeveloped somewhere else.

This episode takes an honest look at the tradeoffs behind serious goals. Ambition matters, but without self-awareness, priorities can quietly damage the areas you thought you were protecting. If you want better results, you need to understand the full game you are playing, what season you are in, and which part of your life keeps paying for your choices. Press play, then audit the priority that might be costing more than you think.

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Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session

Join the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group" – Reach out to Kevin or Alan on Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:59) Why three major goals feel impossible
(4:28) The social cost of serious goals
(8:41) Fitness, finance, and family as the core framework
(10:44) Why most people only master one area
(12:21) When high standards create relational tradeoffs
(18:29) What coaching reveals about family and fulfillment
(23:07) How awareness sharpens opportunity cost
(27:03) Why optimizing everything at once fails
(30:43) Understanding the full game before choosing priorities
(32:06) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I want you to imagine a game where in order to accomplish one of the goals of the game, you have to give up at least one of the other goals you have. (0:10) Depending on how big that goal is, you might actually have to sacrifice both of the other goals for a very short and or longer period of time to accomplish that one goal. (0:20) And the ultimate goal of this game is to max out all three categories.(0:23) It is nearly impossible. (0:25) You will have to be more committed than almost anybody you know, you will be more tired, you'll have to be more consistent, you'll have to sacrifice more, and hopefully you'll be more fulfilled throughout the process.

Alan Lazaros

(0:39) I believe in so my main focus in coaching is helping individuals, teams, and businesses optimize. (0:48) And as I've been doing this work for 11 years now, there's something called multidisciplinary optimization, which basically means optimizing for multiple things simultaneously. (0:59) Nope, I don't think it works.(1:02) I think that at all times, you have to optimize for one priority at every given time. (1:08) Now that can shift as you go through your day. (1:12) It's your priority is shifting throughout the day.(1:14) But you can really only have one thing at a time that you're optimizing for.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:19) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:21) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (1:23) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros.(1:26) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(1:33) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:39) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:55) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (2:02) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:07) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,449, why fitness, finance, and family seems like an impossible game. (2:16) It kind of is an impossible game to win all at once. (2:22) And I think this might be the best example.(2:24) So, if you're new here, we were like really going through the journey of we had some very specific goals for NLU financially. (2:34) We wanted to get out of all business debt. (2:36) We went and did that.(2:37) We're completely out of debt in the business. (2:39) And personally, how dare you? (2:41) Well, I am, but Taryn has some debt that I'm helping her with.(2:44) But personally, I don't have any debt. (2:45) Yes. (2:46) My car lease is technically debt.(2:49) Technically. (2:50) Okay. (2:50) Well, I'm debt-free, I guess.(2:52) But- They'll just take the car. (2:54) That's true. (2:55) Yeah, yeah.(2:55) That's true. (2:56) Come get it. (2:57) Come get it.(2:59) It's really hard if you have very specific financial goals. (3:03) Oh, you want, okay. (3:03) You want to save for a house.(3:04) Awesome. (3:04) Love that. (3:05) You want to save for a house.(3:06) You want to save, let's say you're going to save 20%. (3:09) 20% of a $500,000 house is 10% would be $50,000, $100,000. (3:16) Awesome.(3:18) However long that takes you, you're going to have to keep finances at the forefront of your mind. (3:26) At all times. (3:27) So, every time somebody calls you up, Kev, long time no see brother.(3:35) Long time no see. (3:36) I'm in town. (3:38) I have a membership at this golf course, $120 a round.(3:41) What do you think? (3:42) No, can't do it.

Alan Lazaros

(3:44) 120, huh?

Kevin Palmieri

(3:46) Some of them. (3:48) The one I go to is 90. (3:51) 90 a round.(3:52) Now- Steep. (3:53) But my mom got me a gift card. (3:56) The reason I go to this fucking course is because I go for free because I have a $500 gift card.(4:01) It's 30 minutes away.

Alan Lazaros

(4:03) A lot of overhead in a golf course, man. (4:04) Of course. (4:06) Of course.(4:06) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (4:07) Of course. (4:07) Equipment.(4:08) Oh yeah. (4:09) Of course. (4:10) Yeah.(4:10) Of course.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:11) But it's hard. (4:14) We have a bunch of friends that are having kids and we're sending them like, hey, congratulations to your kid. (4:19) Here's a present.

Alan Lazaros

(4:21) And we're trying to- Here's a $7.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:25) Chapski. (4:26) Mixer. (4:26) Yeah, there you go.(4:27) That'll do it. (4:28) But it's, we have other goals too. (4:31) Having goals is awful for your social life.(4:33) Yeah, but having a social life is also potentially terrible for your goals, depending on what your goals are.

Alan Lazaros

(4:38) Everything is really, really connected and- I think your social life is the biggest detriment to all people's goals.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:47) I don't think most people are as okay with being as alone as we are though.

Alan Lazaros

(4:54) Agreed. (4:54) I'm not making that wrong.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:55) No, no, I know. (4:56) I know.

Alan Lazaros

(4:56) The people that are the most dialed in on their goals in fitness and finance have no social life.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:01) Well, one of the reasons, you ever see, you don't consume, ah, you've been sending me some stuff on social. (5:07) It's like, Alan's been doing the rounds a little. (5:08) You sent me something that wasn't at all related to personal development.(5:12) What? (5:13) N64? (5:14) The Goldeneye music.

Alan Lazaros

(5:16) Yeah, but that's, yeah, that was nostalgia. (5:18) Yeah, it was nostalgia. (5:19) It wasn't just the music.(5:20) It was also the- It was a commercial for Goldeneye.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:24) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(5:24) In 1997.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:26) Four.

Alan Lazaros

(5:26) Four. (5:27) 1994? (5:27) 1994.(5:30) N64 came out in 1996, did it not?

Kevin Palmieri

(5:32) I thought it was 1994. (5:33) I could be off. (5:34) Maybe that was something else.(5:36) What was 1994? (5:38) I don't know. (5:40) I'll have to look it up after.(5:41) Point that I'm, point that I'm making. (5:44) I have no fucking clue. (5:45) 1994, PlayStation.(5:47) PlayStation came out after fucking N64.

Alan Lazaros

(5:50) No, it did not. (5:51) No, it did not. (5:52) How dare you?

Kevin Palmieri

(5:52) Nintendo 64 with the cartridges came out- After PlayStation. (5:56) Why?

Alan Lazaros

(5:57) Exactly. (5:59) Exactly. (5:59) Not a chance.(6:00) Yeah, for sure. (6:02) I'll look it up right now. (6:03) Let's go.(6:04) Hold on.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:04) Hold on. (6:06) Not a freaking chance. (6:09) How much you want to bet?(6:10) I'll bet you a crisp Lincoln.

Alan Lazaros

(6:14) Crisp. (6:16) Would you want a response one or a response two? (6:18) One.(6:19) The one that PlayStation released in 1994. (6:22) Nintendo 64, two years later. (6:25) 1996.(6:26) How do you go from a- You're going to quiz me on video games.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:29) I know.

Alan Lazaros

(6:29) I shouldn't have. (6:29) How are you going to go from a disc to a cartridge? (6:33) Dude, they weren't sure which one was going to be the prevailing.(6:36) Remember when Blu-ray versus DVD?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:39) I never got into Blu-ray. (6:41) I knew it was a fad the whole time. (6:42) I was like, I'm not paying $40 for a fucking souped up DVD.(6:47) The fuck are we doing here? (6:48) And I'd buy a Blu-ray player? (6:50) What are we doing here?(6:51) Am I running a movie theater in my house? (6:53) I live at home still. (6:54) I shouldn't be worried about this.(6:55) You know? (6:56) So the PlayStation launched about two years earlier. (6:59) All right, well I owe you $5.(7:00) Depending on the region. (7:01) Take it out of my pay. (7:02) All right, hold on.(7:03) The point, before we go off the fucking rails with this. (7:05) The point is, one, I think people value relationships and friendships probably more than you and I do. (7:12) That's fair.(7:13) So that is the cost of being a human, I think. (7:15) That's a piece of it. (7:16) And then I think finances is probably the hardest goal.(7:22) You always say this. (7:24) No, no, I said it. (7:26) Didn't I say it was the easiest?(7:28) No. (7:29) Didn't I say it was the easiest to accumulate? (7:31) You said the easiest was family.(7:33) Oh, okay, cool. (7:34) That's good. (7:35) This tracks.(7:35) I think finance is the hardest. (7:38) No, I know. (7:40) This is what you always say.(7:41) Yeah, I'm going to say it again. (7:42) Because it taps into everything else. (7:45) It taps into everything else.(7:47) Now, okay, you don't want to spend money and you want to get fit. (7:49) Awesome. (7:50) Go run.(7:51) It's free. (7:52) Zero dollar. (7:52) Cost zero dollars.(7:53) You can run wherever you want. (7:54) You don't have to pay and go right outside. (7:55) Run.(7:56) Do whatever you want. (7:57) You do push-ups. (7:57) You can do sit-ups.(7:58) You can do air squats. (7:59) You can do pull-ups, whatever. (8:01) Awesome.(8:02) Love it.

Alan Lazaros

(8:03) You think finance is the hardest because you sucked at it. (8:05) No, no, no. (8:06) You want to have a successful relationship.(8:09) That's way harder than finance. (8:11) No, it costs money. (8:13) It doesn't have to.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:16) I know it doesn't have to. (8:17) If you want to have a flourishing, growing, fulfilling, adventurous relationship, I'm telling you, you've got to do shit.

Alan Lazaros

(8:28) No. (8:29) And most shit is free. (8:31) You can hike.(8:32) You can walk. (8:33) You can run. (8:34) You're just saying what I said about exercise.(8:37) I know. (8:37) That was me being playful. (8:38) But the truth is that you're just off.(8:41) And that's fine. (8:42) You can count ants. (8:43) The reason we're talking about this, for the listeners, is we have a new podcast logo that is about to launch.(8:50) Yeah, it's not out yet. (8:51) And it says, instead of health, wealth, and love, it is fitness, finance, and family. (9:00) We're narrowing our focus.(9:02) We're still health, wealth, and love, but now we're narrowing. (9:04) We're growing up. (9:05) You got to give up to grow up.(9:06) So we're narrowing fitness, finance, and family. (9:10) And I think everyone sucks at one of those three. (9:14) Everyone.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:17) Yeah, but finance crosses. (9:19) That's what I'm saying. (9:20) Finance crosses over.(9:20) They all do, dude. (9:23) I don't think so.

Alan Lazaros

(9:24) Why did you say that? (9:26) I don't know. (9:28) I've been...(9:29) As my cardiovascular health has improved, my focus and my ability to... (9:34) That's the thing. (9:35) And I think that we should...(9:36) This is where I wanted to start. (9:36) And then you went down there. (9:37) We went...(9:38) I take responsibility as well. (9:40) We went down the rabbit hole of PlayStation and 64, which I loved. (9:44) But anyways, so fitness, finance, and family.(9:48) Yeah, split test. (9:50) Imagine you take a human being and one of them focuses all in only in fitness, finance, or family. (10:00) Only one of them.(10:02) Okay. (10:03) The other person tries to do all three simultaneously for their entire life. (10:09) They both live to 80 years old.(10:10) They both are the exact same human. (10:12) Okay, split test. (10:14) I think, and I could be wrong about this, but this is my current hope.(10:20) Hope is a shitty strategy. (10:21) This is my current thesis, calculation. (10:24) I think that the person who goes all in on one of them will win for the first 50 years.(10:31) And I think the person who's holistic long, long, long, long, long term actually can pass them. (10:37) I really believe that. (10:38) Now, I could be wrong and we will find out in my 60s.(10:41) But the truth of the matter is, I actually think that. (10:44) Because I've coached old, young. (10:46) I have one person who's 69, one person who's 63, one person who's 26, one person who's a bunch in their 30s and 40s.(10:56) Everyone is really good at one of those three. (10:59) Everyone is really good at one of those three. (11:01) Almost no one, to an alarming fucking extent, is good at all three.(11:07) One of the reasons I want to be good at all three is because I didn't think it could be done because I never saw it. (11:14) What would be a good example of this? (11:19) There are people that are really, really successful financially that don't know a lick of finance.(11:23) They just have a financial advisor that takes care of it all for them. (11:26) So there are some people who appear to be good at all three. (11:30) And I'm only saying this because everyone knows her.(11:32) Like a Taylor Swift. (11:33) She appears to be good at finance, but she's not. (11:36) She just is rich and she's really good at her thing, right?(11:39) And she's decent at fitness, but she has to be for her job. (11:43) And then family probably is her L, based on all the breakup songs, I'm assuming. (11:48) I'm messing with you.(11:48) But the truth is, is everyone is atrocious at one of them. (11:52) And you have to really work on that one. (11:55) And this goes back to personal development, social development, professional development.(11:58) For me, the family one is the hardest. (12:01) Not only because of my challenging past with family, but also because I'm so weird and so goal-oriented. (12:06) And if fitness and finance are wildly detrimental to family and vice versa, it's very hard to be really good at fitness and finance and be really good at family.(12:20) It's very difficult. (12:21) Because imagine, I'm thinking of a client right now. (12:24) She has really, really high finance goals.(12:27) Like more dialed in finance than almost anyone I've ever met right now. (12:31) Right now. (12:32) Not long-term, but right now.(12:34) I'm saying that because she's listening. (12:36) Fitness, very high. (12:37) She has a 1% goal for sure.(12:38) She is 1%. (12:40) She's on her way to 1% in finance. (12:42) She is 1% in fitness.(12:44) And her social life is fucking terrible. (12:46) Genuinely awful. (12:47) And the truth is, whenever she feels alone and miserable, I say, I know.(12:54) Long-term, you will build a family. (12:56) You will attract your dream partner. (12:58) You can.(12:59) But right now, you're not going to have friends and spend nothing and only work and earn. (13:05) Like, fitness and finance goals make your social life very difficult. (13:11) And a social life is usually family-oriented.(13:14) The one about fitness, I don't get that. (13:16) That's because you have been doing it for 17 years and have completely lost sight. (13:21) How many times have you and Taryn gone to the gym together?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:24) Not many.

Alan Lazaros

(13:26) How many?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:28) 20.

Alan Lazaros

(13:29) The only reason I get to spend so much time with Emilia is because she's my gym partner. (13:33) Yeah, yeah. (13:33) But what I'm saying is...(13:34) And she's my business partner.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:35) I go to the gym before anybody else is awake.

Alan Lazaros

(13:38) But that's also why you have no friends. (13:41) Your social life is awful. (13:43) Yeah, yeah.(13:43) But first of all, let's just take it easy. (13:47) I'm just saying, if you had a thriving... (13:48) If you had 15 friends that you actually stayed in touch with, you could never be this successful.(13:54) Well, that's one of the reasons I don't keep my circle very small. (13:57) Yeah. (13:57) So when we say family, maybe I'm thinking like relationships.(14:01) Because yeah, you can sustain one really good relationship, your marriage, but you're not gonna... (14:05) It's not like you're friends with all her friends. (14:08) And then family is extended family, right?(14:10) I mean, Emilia and I have to miss baby showers, and we have to miss weddings, and we have to miss... (14:15) Like, if we didn't have any goals, do you know how easy it would be to have a social life without goals?

Kevin Palmieri

(14:21) But all I'm saying is, look, I think that this is my piece. (14:25) If you're trying to save money, that directly connects to the ability to do things in your relationship. (14:36) Same with fitness.

Alan Lazaros

(14:39) I guess to me, it doesn't because... (14:41) Yes, it does. (14:42) Brother, you eat chicken and rice every night.(14:44) You think that doesn't bother Taryn? (14:47) No. (14:48) Well, then you have a very unique wife.(14:50) Yeah, no, no, I don't think so. (14:51) In past relationships, fitness destroyed my past relationships. (14:54) Of course, she loved little mocha mocha whatever, and let's go to this restaurant that doesn't track calories, and let's have this friend over who cooks for us.(15:02) Dude, food is a huge part of social life, and it was awful for my fitness goals. (15:07) You made fun of me for doing glute kickbacks, and I understand. (15:10) But the truth of the matter is, is my relationship and my fitness goals were wildly in conflict, for sure.(15:18) That's fair. (15:19) I mean, I guess it depends on how... (15:20) Taryn is very accommodating and all that.(15:22) I'm not making that bad. (15:23) I think that's great. (15:24) No, no, I know, I know.(15:24) Yeah, and Emilia is too, so we're like...

Kevin Palmieri

(15:27) Well, maybe that's the piece of it. (15:29) Well, the other... (15:30) It's not...(15:31) I don't want to say it this way, but it's not acceptable to me the other way. (15:35) Fitness is a massive part of my life. (15:37) But you've had partners in the past that wanted to get pizza, and every time you dieted...

Alan Lazaros

(15:42) I've never had... (15:43) Yeah, but I've never had a partner that...

Kevin Palmieri

(15:45) I don't know if I've ever had a partner that made fitness harder for me.

Alan Lazaros

(15:48) Well, brother, that's because look at your track record of who you dated. (15:52) Yeah, but there's a reason. (15:54) I know, but that doesn't...(15:59) Okay, one of your partners that you were with for five or six or seven years was into fitness 10 out of 10. (16:05) The other one was also super into fitness. (16:08) Yeah, but a lot of that was because of me.(16:09) I do understand that. (16:11) Yeah, yeah, a lot of that was because of me. (16:11) But of course they're not going to take away.(16:12) They were pouring it. (16:14) But have you ever dated someone who's not into fitness? (16:18) Oh my god, have you ever dated someone who's not into fitness?(16:20) I mean, Taryn's not... (16:21) It's the worst.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:22) Not into fitness nearly as much as I am.

Alan Lazaros

(16:24) But she also supports you. (16:25) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (16:26) But being with someone where fitness is a pain in their ass is the worst.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:32) I think I was always very, very aware of that. (16:36) Yeah. (16:36) Because to me, it was like, this is my favorite thing.(16:40) It's like, Kev's like, social life's easy. (16:41) It's like, brother, you have no social life. (16:43) No, I didn't say social life was easy.(16:44) I'm just saying I think the reason finance is the hardest is because if you want to go out on a date, it's hard to say like, hey, I know it's been a little boring lately. (16:56) And I know we haven't done blank and this and this and this. (16:58) But the reason we haven't is because we're saving for blank, this, this, this.(17:02) Which it's not, I mean, this is going to happen for 30 years. (17:05) You know what I mean? (17:06) Like, this goal is 30 years out.(17:08) But like, I don't know, we could probably go to dinner like next year, we could. (17:13) We could start. (17:15) You know, we could start.(17:16) Which one do you think is the hardest? (17:19) Finance. (17:19) In order to, to accumulate or in order to.(17:23) Succeed in. (17:24) Success podcast. (17:25) Finance, because I think it connects more closely to the other ones.(17:28) In my, in my life, at least. (17:31) Fitness, I'll just get up earlier than everybody else. (17:32) I don't fucking care.(17:33) That, that, no, that one is not it for me. (17:37) Not for you. (17:38) No, no.(17:38) From what you said for me, what do you think?

Alan Lazaros

(17:40) Yeah, okay. (17:41) Well, now for people. (17:43) Which one do you think is the hardest for other people?

Kevin Palmieri

(17:47) I would say. (17:48) No, I was going to say, I was going to say family, family and friendship.

Alan Lazaros

(17:53) No. (17:53) I was going to say. (17:55) How do you know?(17:55) You're not other people. (17:56) No, no, no, no. (17:57) Okay.(17:58) It's a good point. (17:59) It's a good point. (18:00) Hey, how do I know?(18:01) You don't have any other friends either. (18:03) I know. (18:04) And that's why I know.(18:07) But you don't know shit. (18:09) Nice. (18:10) This is great.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:11) Brother. (18:13) Anytime Alan hits me with brother, you know, something good's coming. (18:17) Yeah, that's for sure.(18:19) Usually you're wrong.

Alan Lazaros

(18:21) That's usually what it is. (18:21) Brother, you're wrong. (18:25) I, again, it's a subset of people.(18:29) I've coached thousands of people. (18:32) Genuinely. (18:33) I think I've probably coached over a thousand people, if not more.(18:36) You've coached a lot. (18:36) Yeah, a lot. (18:37) It's well, it's hundreds for sure.(18:39) I just don't know if it's over a thousand. (18:40) I don't have it counted. (18:41) Um, family is the, is usually the one that everyone struggles with it for sure.(18:50) So I don't want to lessen that. (18:51) But that's the one that kind of, I think it gets fallen into more. (18:59) Like, I think the social world is the one most people optimize for unconsciously, just out of peer pressure.(19:08) Well, that was my stance on the episode we did.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:10) I said family, because that's the one that's most nuclearly close to you. (19:14) You end up at home with your family every night. (19:16) Exactly.(19:17) You don't end up at the gym.

Alan Lazaros

(19:18) But what you said back then that I chilled bumped was that it's easy for people. (19:24) Like that's the one that people are naturally the best at. (19:26) No, I think they default into it and they suck at it.(19:30) And the only reason I'm able to say that is because I've coached so many couples now.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:33) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(19:34) And the majority of couples, the large majority of couples are wildly unfulfilled. (19:40) Like to an alarming extent. (19:42) I mean, people cheating on each other.(19:43) I mean, it's, it's, I can't even believe it. (19:45) It's like, oh my God, like, this is even my worst relationship is better than most of these. (19:50) Right.(19:51) And again, I'm not, again, this is honesty time. (19:55) Family is the one that people, I think, focus on the mooch, the most, the mooch, the most by default. (20:05) Almost as much as I'm focused on speaking.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:07) That got me. (20:08) Mooch. (20:08) Certain words that just, you can't, some ones I can just bite the side of my cheeks and just, I can't work through that one.(20:15) Mooch.

Alan Lazaros

(20:16) Family is the one that people work on the mooch. (20:19) No, the most. (20:21) Or, or default into the most.(20:23) Yeah. (20:24) But I think the, all of us are good at one and really bad at another. (20:28) And I think we, I think we have a green, yellow, red.(20:30) I really do. (20:32) We all have one that we are naturally inclined at. (20:34) For me, finance was always easy.(20:36) It never was a problem. (20:38) It almost never will be a problem. (20:40) I know that sounds arrogant.(20:42) Uh, social life was atrocious always. (20:45) And I had to work so hard to make it not, I had to work so hard to even make it reasonable.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:51) You know, are we talking close family and friends or just all of it?

Alan Lazaros

(20:56) Relationships in general. (20:57) It's, it was like so hard to make them work. (21:00) That's why I feel so successful now.(21:02) I just stopped trying to make them work. (21:04) I just was like, okay, I'm going to opt out of this. (21:06) And now I'm going to do my thing.(21:07) And I, I'm not opting out with certain people, obviously. (21:10) But like when I started the, we with Amelia, our business together, I was like, oh, this, I never, I didn't understand that everyone has a different core wound. (21:25) Everyone's perception of everyone else is completely wrong.(21:28) No one understands anyone holistically. (21:31) No one knows what they're really, what's really driving them deep down. (21:35) And everyone's wildly insecure and basically all trying not to be found out.(21:41) Everyone's triggering each other, but no one's really saying it. (21:44) Honestly, humility, courage, humility, courage, and vulnerability are so rare, alarmingly rare, particularly for men. (21:51) So everyone has a really good one, a really bad one and a decent one.(21:54) My really bad one was definitely family. (21:59) I had no clue why my mom was the way she was. (22:02) My sister was the way she was.(22:04) I didn't understand. (22:05) It made no sense to me. (22:07) It's still, it does now more for sure.(22:11) Fitness was decent. (22:12) I was always somewhat athletic. (22:14) And then finance was genuinely easy.(22:18) Like actually easy. (22:19) You're just not allowed to say that. (22:20) But I never felt like that was very hard.(22:23) I feel like it was just like, okay, just, you know, don't spend any money and earn more money. (22:30) I feel like that with fitness. (22:32) Yeah.(22:32) Which is why you and I are the worst at this. (22:35) Because. (22:38) Yeah.(22:39) Of course you're going to think finance was the hardest. (22:41) You didn't know anything about it. (22:43) I still think it's the hardest.(22:44) It's not even past, it's current, Kev. (22:47) No, I know. (22:47) But I also still think family is the hardest.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:51) But isn't that, what does that say? (22:53) It's not because I don't know what to do. (22:56) Now it's because I know, and again, this is.

Alan Lazaros

(22:58) What do you know more about finance or fitness? (23:04) Fitness for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:05) Yeah. (23:05) But I, here's the, this is the thing. (23:07) This is why it's so hard.(23:09) As you become aware in any category, you become more aware of the detriments and the downsides. (23:15) Now I understand every $100 that goes to fucking, you know, long horn grill. (23:22) Doesn't go into this that makes $110.(23:27) I didn't understand opportunity costs. (23:30) I didn't understand that. (23:31) Now, the fact that I know that creates even more pressure on to make, to make sure I do the most optimal thing, but the most optimal thing financially is not the most optimal thing relationally.

Alan Lazaros

(23:42) I know. (23:43) Almost ever. (23:44) Almost never.(23:45) There has to be at all times, every decision you make is a win for one of the three. (23:53) A neutral for one of the three and an L for one of the three.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:56) Short term. (23:57) That's, yeah. (23:59) We've, we've had some things recently where we've been talking about buying some stuff.(24:04) And I'm like, Taryn, you and Taryn, I have my own life too.

Alan Lazaros

(24:09) No, no, no, that's not what I meant. (24:11) You made it sound like you and I have been talking stock exchange, you know?

Kevin Palmieri

(24:14) Oh no, we have.

Alan Lazaros

(24:14) We actually talked about that today.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:16) But we're not buying. (24:17) No, no, no, no. (24:18) Taryn and I have been talking about purchasing some things and I had this moment where I'm running through it and it's like, no, definitely shouldn't.(24:26) Yeah. (24:29) And I think you'll be very happy if we do. (24:31) And I think you'll be miserable if we don't.(24:34) Yeah, fuck it. (24:35) All right, good. (24:36) Go ahead.(24:37) And then now in my head, I'm thinking like, all right, what does that do to things? (24:40) And like, how do, but. (24:42) What was it like before?(24:43) Oh, buy it, baby. (24:46) Whatever, whatever. (24:47) It's so alarming.(24:48) Again, this is a, this is a privilege problem to have. (24:52) I went from you looking at everything I purchased for nine years to now having freedom to do whatever I want. (25:02) It's been nice, honestly.(25:03) Same, brother. (25:04) You get to, you get to do what you want. (25:06) It's great.(25:06) And I also now understand the downsides of everything I do a lot more. (25:13) So I think that's the piece of it is like the more you get familiar with the thing and the more you believe you can actually accomplish the goals that you have set out, the more you understand going in the opposite direction is way more detrimental than you ever thought.

Alan Lazaros

(25:28) Yeah, it's painful. (25:29) But if I had a price of awareness, that's why that's where ignorance is bliss comes from.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:38) Yeah, but the short term bliss, but the problem is the thing that you're super, I had somebody I was talking to and he's like, yeah, man, I just, it's, it's frustrating because my partner, you know, wants to do things and wants to go out to eat and blah, blah, blah. (25:50) And I said, listen, listen, listen, your 9.5 out of 10 dialed in on the finance thing. (26:00) Like your partner has come way towards your end.(26:04) I don't think it's sustainable for them to come all the way to your end. (26:08) I said, you have to understand some pieces of relationships are emotional. (26:12) If you can logic emotions to a degree, I don't think you can logic them all the way.(26:17) Like get this girl some steak, you know, let her have some steak or like, I think you have to drive to five a little bit more. (26:26) If you want a more successful relationship, I said, you could do whatever you want. (26:29) I don't know.(26:30) I don't know well enough to know, but like you're so good with money that you're forgetting that that's affecting your relationship in ways that you probably don't even realize you're so good with money that that's probably affecting your fitness that in more ways that you realize you're optimizing for finance, not for anything, family.

Alan Lazaros

(26:49) And yes, for him, it's finance, then family, then fitness. (26:53) Your strengths create weakness. (26:55) Yeah.(26:55) Always. (26:56) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:56) And the stronger you get at something and the less you're aware of the strength you have, the more the weakness gets.

Alan Lazaros

(27:03) I think that's why the majority of people are really good at one of them. (27:07) I think because it's very hard to, I opened with this and I know we get a shift to the next episode here in a second, but I said multidisciplinary multidisciplinary optimization. (27:16) What does that mean?(27:16) It means optimizing for multiple things at the same time. (27:20) Right now I'm optimizing for this episode. (27:22) Okay.(27:23) Let's go one layer deeper. (27:24) I'm optimizing for helping the listeners reach their full potential in this episode. (27:30) Okay.(27:31) What's the second priority underneath that? (27:33) Being authentically me. (27:36) Now there's a paradox here.(27:38) What if being authentically me should be priority one and then other people as a byproduct of me being me will reach their full potential. (27:45) That's something I'm working through right now. (27:46) But all of this to say, I'm not concerned right now in this moment with my family.(27:54) If I heard a crash in the living room, I would immediately say, fuck this. (28:00) I got to go and check out what's, and then I would get certainty there. (28:03) And then I'd be right back here.(28:05) So priority one in your consciousness, conscious, subconscious, and unconscious shifts. (28:14) Right now the target is this episode. (28:17) And the moment this is done, it's going to be the next episode.(28:20) The moment that's done, it's going to be my next coaching session. (28:22) The moment that's done, it's going to be Emily and I. (28:27) I call it hitting my mark.(28:28) I have so many marks I have to hit. (28:30) And I try really hard to hit them and hit them on time. (28:33) I don't always precision accuracy the whole nine.(28:36) The point that I'm making though is multidisciplinary optimization is having multiple things you're optimizing for at a given moment. (28:43) Last piece. (28:45) I was with Emily on a walk earlier.(28:47) We did a run. (28:48) Great. (28:48) Then we were hiking and we were talking.(28:50) And a lot of times in our hikes, I will help her with things and vice versa. (28:54) I said, okay, what's the new fitness goal? (28:55) So longevity is at the top.(28:57) So longevity is your true north and fitness. (28:59) All right. (29:00) For the last three to five years, Emily and I have been focused on what's underneath longevity.(29:06) All right. (29:07) Sleep. (29:08) The most important thing was sleep for her.(29:09) All right. (29:10) Crushing sleep, sleep's best, better than anyone I've ever met at this point. (29:13) The highest sleep scores I've seen.(29:15) I have dozens of people tracking sleep, so we're good. (29:18) Check. (29:19) Don't let it fall, but like keep it at that level.(29:22) Okay. (29:23) Okay. (29:23) You've also built a ton of muscle mass.(29:25) Lots strong as hell. (29:27) Bigger girl, not a negative way. (29:29) Jacked.(29:30) Jacked. (29:30) Love it. (29:31) But now it's body fat.(29:33) We need to slim the body fat down. (29:35) Your body fat percentage is probably like 32% and we need to get that shit down. (29:39) We're going to optimize for body fat percentage.(29:41) Me, you and her. (29:42) And one of the reasons I want to do this is because I want to help her do this too. (29:46) Because Emily and I are really strong and really fit, but we're fat and that's okay.(29:51) All right. (29:51) We're going to stop being fat. (29:52) All right.(29:53) And we're not fat, fat, but we're like higher fat than we should be. (29:56) All right. (29:57) So we're going to jack, we're going to measure what matters.(30:00) We're going to measure body fat percentage. (30:02) I, and okay, let's go underneath that. (30:04) Now, body fat percentage is underneath longevity and underneath body fat percentage is energy out and energy in.(30:11) So we have to stop eating as much and we have to increase energy output. (30:14) So I have an equation on the whiteboard downstairs. (30:16) We have a very fascinating relationship.(30:19) It's a daily energy expenditure, DEE equals daily energy out minus daily energy in equals negative 500. (30:28) I need, I need it to be negative 500 a day, which is a pound a week. (30:32) A pound a week will maximize fat loss, minimize muscle loss.(30:36) Great. (30:36) And again, that's a little excessive. (30:38) She's 178 pounds.(30:39) So it's not that bad. (30:40) If you're 140, don't do that. (30:42) Okay.(30:43) The point that I'm making though, is all this is math. (30:46) All of this is optimizing, but you don't know what to optimize for unless you know the entire game. (30:50) You have to know every piece on the board, exactly where every piece is and exactly what every piece does.(30:56) You have to understand the entire game of chess 24, 7, 3 65 in fitness, finance, and family. (31:01) And you have to pivot what you measure and optimize for 24, 7, 3 65 every day, every month, every quarter, every year, every decade. (31:09) And I forgot week, but the point is, is this is why everyone is so bad at achieving goals because the moment she optimizes for body fat percentage, all of a sudden, half the things we do with her family is now suboptimal.(31:22) Well, everything has to change. (31:23) Everything has to change. (31:24) And this is what I do for a living is I help people gamify and optimize for the goals that are going to get them the results they want.(31:31) And the results they want are always a byproduct of something far deeper and or far bigger.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:38) All right. (31:38) Speaking of results, if you're looking for results, reach out to Alan. (31:40) We got to go.(31:41) We got to go because Alan just went on a rant and we have, we got shit to get done. (31:45) You know what I mean? (31:46) We're not going to hit our mark if we don't get out of here right now.(31:50) Reach out to Alan for coaching. (31:51) We've been talking a lot about fitness recently because I've definitely reignited my love for all things fitness. (31:59) I know Alan is really leaned into it as well.(32:01) We have the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group, totally free WhatsApp group. (32:04) People in there every day doing their thing. (32:05) Join us.(32:06) We would love to have you as always. (32:07) We love you. (32:07) Appreciate you.(32:08) Grateful for each and every one of you. (32:09) If you are as committed as you say you are, it's getting to the next level. (32:12) Tune in tomorrow.(32:12) We'll be here every day to help you get there. (32:14) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Alan Lazaros

(32:17) Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

(32:18) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (32:22) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(32:25) We mean it when we say family. (32:27) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (32:30) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(32:34) Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.