Are You Reliable Or Adaptable? (2487)

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Can one of your greatest strengths quietly become the thing that limits your growth? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan explain the difference between reliability and adaptability, and why most people tend to lean harder toward one than the other. Kevin shares how reliability has shaped his consistency over the years, while Alan reflects on how adaptability helped him succeed in high-pressure environments but also revealed blind spots in trust, timing, and leadership.

Through their experience, coaching work, and thousands of episodes, they show why growth requires both. You need the ability to adjust when life changes, and the discipline to follow through when people are counting on you.

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Show notes:
(2:11) When strengths become constraints
(5:46) Overusing adaptability
(9:32) Self-belief and flexibility
(14:44) Reliability, trust, and relationships
(17:36) Defining reliability with others
(21:18) What your goals require
(24:57) 10 pounds in 10 weeks masterclass
(26:50) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I am very stubborn when it comes to certain things where when my mind is made up of how I'm going to do something it almost doesn't seem possible to do it in another way and that I think has upsides and it has ways to make it strengths but I think that's probably a weakness. (0:17) I do believe I'm extremely reliable though. (0:20) I'm way more reliable than I am adaptable for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(0:23) Kevin for the last nine years has been very reliable. (0:28) I have been very adaptable. (0:30) We've both been both but 80-20 probably.(0:35) The adaptability reliability duality is what I want to talk about today. (0:40) Usually you are good at one not the other. (0:43) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:46) I'm your host Kevin Palmieri and I'm your co-host Alan Lazaros. (0:50) At NLU we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:57) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:04) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:19) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:26) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:31) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2487. (1:36) Are you reliable or adaptable? (1:38) Because to Alan's point based on I'll let I'm going to kick it to you for for the research but usually somebody is really strong at one and not as strong at the other.(1:47) For the sake of this conversation please define reliable and please define adaptable.

Alan Lazaros

(1:52) Well again reliability looks and this is one of the things I've learned coaching couples is you I mean we can define reliability and adaptability we probably should let me look it up but what that looks like to everybody is different. (2:09) Like you helped me understand that other people don't see me as reliable uh when I actually feel like I am but doesn't matter how you feel it matters third-party perspective matters too it's not the only thing that matters though because you can be honest and someone thinks you're dishonest and that's not true so it's a whole thing so define reliability. (2:30) I have a NLU podcast chat.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:35) Nice same that's it's actually they're on it right now it's not even me what it's I'm not even me I'm chat I'm not even a person Alan's talking to AI. (2:49) How dare you

Alan Lazaros

(2:49) we have a rule at NLU it has to have a heartbeat that's our rule so I will read (2:56) what chat GPT says about reliability but it's me with a heartbeat reading it (3:00) all right reliability is the quality of being dependable consistent and trustworthy over time (3:06) so I would say decent decent accountability accountability hold on everyone hold on (3:20) adaptability accountability is being able to look this okay adaptability is the ability to adjust (3:25) effectively to changing circumstances challenges or new information while continuing to move (3:29) toward your goals all right adaptability the metaphor is self-driving car up dog in the road (3:39) bicyclist boom boom boom change course detour detour detour (3:44) I think everyone's good at one or the other the reason why this came up is because (3:50) my I always have a word on the top of my whiteboard over here that I'm trying to get better at (3:55) and you and I talked a little bit about this off-air which is a lot of the personal development (4:02) professional development content on the internet tells you to double down on your strengths (4:09) and if you study constraint theory you have to actually look at where you suck (4:14) and I don't think you should build your career on something you suck at so be careful with this (4:18) but for me reliability is a current constraint now I don't want this to come off wrong I don't think (4:25) I'm wildly unreliable like I use a calendar I'm a conscientious adult but I'm not as reliable as I (4:31) need to be in order to be the leader I aspire to be because you really I'm going to keep referencing (4:36) this episode that never hit the delighted day we did an episode once where Kevin really bothered (4:40) me and he helped me understand that people don't see me as reliable as I actually am because I've (4:47) been extremely proactive in the long term but not as much on the short term the short term I'm super (4:51) adaptable move this pivot that tweak this I didn't realize that that seems unreliable to other people (5:01) so reliability is something I'm working on third party reliability which is something I have to (5:05) lock in on because I already know I'm reliable we'll get this episode done no matter what (5:10) no matter what but it might not be at the exact time we had on the calendar (5:15) because I got to adapt things are happening baby all right so everyone's good at one not the other (5:20) and usually if you're good at reliability you suck at adaptability if you're good at adaptability (5:24) you probably over and it makes sense righty and lefty it's like when you're playing basketball (5:30) I shoot with my right hand I'm not going to be as good with my left you have to force yourself to

Kevin Palmieri

(5:34) play with your left but why why do they interact in a negative way like why can't you be I'm not (5:42) saying you can't be both obviously but why is somebody usually really good at one and not the

Alan Lazaros

(5:46) I think because we end up overly relying on it so a lot of my success in life has come down to (5:52) adaptability and I didn't have to be reliable because I was so adaptable right like I could (6:00) literally I remember one time I gave a speech at my company uh at the time was called Cognax it's a (6:05) big global industrial automation company and we went out the night before we were at a ski resort (6:12) in Vermont and I was I stayed out too late I stayed out too late it was work hard play hard (6:19) was their motto I played hard that night and I stayed out too late and I had to prep my presentation (6:23) day of I was five minutes late still crushed it everybody was blown away just because I can do (6:31) that doesn't mean I should right wake up get it together find a way to make it work boom boom boom (6:38) adapt adapt adapt just because you can get away with that and still shine or succeed does not mean (6:48) you should and so I've overly been adaptable and I haven't had to be reliable because I'm so (6:54) adaptable whereas with you you were fired at your job if you were late just a couple times or (7:00) whatever right yeah it wasn't good how many times would you have to be late for you to get fired at

Kevin Palmieri

(7:06) your job I mean if you were late once it happens twice you get and talk to third time I was well (7:17) tenured for lack of better phrasing so not three but like four yeah brother when I worked in

Alan Lazaros

(7:23) industrial automation and sales it was all about the scoreboard you had quotas so if you're ahead

Kevin Palmieri

(7:29) of quota nobody concerned nobody's concerned yeah you know the interesting thing my that my bosses (7:34) were like you they were engineers and it was like if you're above quota get more above quota if (7:41) you're if you're already producing above like just do more of that yeah better and just produce way (7:46) more and better and there's no upside to you you're not gonna get paid anymore you're actually

Alan Lazaros

(7:51) gonna make less money and we're gonna make more but yeah well you one of the things that cognex (7:56) will show this briefly is I don't want this to come off wrong okay a lot of the people that I (8:07) referred to the company there was a referral program and I brought a bunch of my engineering (8:17) friends to the company and I got huge referral bonuses for that which was great but they aren't (8:23) like fighting for a job like all of them have tons of options you know so you can't it's called (8:31) autonomy you can't like uh can you imagine uh this person has 50 other jobs they could have (8:38) making 150 grand and you're like hey um uh yeah yeah I know you were two minutes late like (8:46) there is something to be said for when you're very sought after you can get away with more but the (8:53) science of this is autonomy is why we do that like autonomy this is why google gives 20 time (9:01) like if you worked at google they let you take your full-time work week and take 20 of it and do (9:08) whatever you want love it and and that's how gmail was invented and all this other stuff so (9:14) autonomy is something that is a privilege that cannot be it has to be earned and and we didn't

Kevin Palmieri

(9:21) plan on talking about autonomy but I wanted to give that example back on back on uh what is the (9:26) correlation between which of these you find yourself better at and self-belief yeah obviously

Alan Lazaros

(9:32) I have to ask nice yeah the more self-belief you have the more adaptable you'll be and the (9:38) less reliable you'll be we did a when Amelia and I first got together uh your our peer group asked (9:46) like who's better at being on time we both laughed and the reason why is because it's like (9:50) I didn't know this at the time but how do I do this I don't want this to come off wrong I want (10:01) to be accurate if you have massive belief you will have massive goals and if you have massive goals (10:08) you have to make the best use of all of your time and being at friendsgiving is not a huge concern (10:14) of mine and and now you know that back then it felt disrespectful I didn't know other people (10:20) didn't know it's like yo I got trying to change the world I'm not you know I got things to do (10:26) here this is this is like not I'm not interested in this right I didn't have the courage to say (10:33) that back then so I understand like if I could go back I'd say squad I'm not interested I love you (10:38) like we'll be there when we're there if and just go on without us like just do your thing like I (10:43) don't you know this is not it for us but anyways so so self-belief is higher you're gonna have to (10:50) be more adaptable and you might get away with being less reliable and I think that that's (10:57) dangerous I didn't realize it this is brand new for me I know like a lot of the things we (11:02) talk about and study like I've studied for years this is like oh I have been so adaptable my entire (11:09) life I mean I went from tons of money when my stepdad was around to zero like you just adapt (11:17) I just adapt to so many circumstances and if I had to bet on reliability or adaptability I would (11:22) pick adaptability every time for sure for sure but you need both if you want to be the best (11:27) version of yourself you need both but adaptability is definitely more important for external success (11:38) so for everything even relationships yeah for sure oh yeah yeah so let's do this so so (11:48) okay when you study the evolutionary psychology and you study I don't want to say the animal (11:54) kingdom uh Emily and I we were watching a docuseries called our universe and it was (12:02) really freaking awesome where it talks about the sun gives energy to the plants the wildebeest eat (12:10) the plants the cheetah eats the wildebeest mitochondria the whole thing it's really cool (12:14) it's actually really cool anyways um if you study I was also reading Daniel Lieberman's the (12:19) story of the human body evolution is basically adaptation over time and and the reason humans (12:27) are the most powerful animal in the animal kingdom is is we have adapted better than everyone else (12:34) and the reason why is because we can work together we can create spear we can create spears and guns (12:39) right it's the prefrontal cortex essentially which is yeah so my point of this is that the (12:45) fitness a lot of people don't call fitness fitness the original definition what is the original watch (12:52) what is the original definition of fitness from a an evolutionary psychology standpoint nobody's uh (13:02) nobody's turned off this this is very important this is like really important to understand you'll (13:06) see yourself differently from an evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology standpoint (13:10) fitness does not originally mean physical conditioning or athleticism fitness is an (13:14) organism's ability to survive and successfully reproduce thereby by passing on its genes to the (13:19) next generation the most adaptable creature always wins in all evolution if you study evolution that (13:26) that's why i was so good at it like the reason i'm successful one of the biggest reasons is (13:34) something we've never talked about which is adaptability like our circumstances growing up (13:38) we weren't supposed to win we weren't like i wasn't supposed to end up with a beautiful (13:44) woman and a magnificent household and you know a great education and you know a global pod like (13:52) this none of this was statistically supposed to happen and and what you notice is the most (13:57) successful people are the most intelligent the most conscientious and the most adaptable (14:01) reliability i mean you know this the most successful people in the world are not reliable

Kevin Palmieri

(14:05) they're not on time but they build reliable things yes agreed they build reliable things

Alan Lazaros

(14:11) yeah it makes sense it makes sense yeah but i do think you need a certain level of reliability i (14:18) want to preface this with you do need a certain level of reliability and i don't think it's okay (14:23) you use the rock as an example of like how he was like six hours late to set and all this stuff and (14:28) it's like he's just doing his thing and and he can quote unquote get away with it because he's the (14:35) rock i'm not making that okay please make that like i don't think that's good i think that you (14:39) need to be both but if you had to prioritize one adaptability all day over reliability for sure

Kevin Palmieri

(14:44) absolutely i think it's i think it's adaptability i still think it's adaptability for external (14:51) success reliability in relationships that's still my thesis it depends on who you're with (14:58) well that that if but if you're just saying like a random because what you hear most often is like (15:03) hey if you were i don't know why people use this if you were in jail like who's the one person you (15:08) call that know you know they'd answer the phone it's like well you shouldn't call me probably i'm (15:13) not gonna answer my phone's on silent i'm not gonna answer it i'm probably not gonna see it (15:16) doesn't mean i don't like you it doesn't mean i don't care about you but i'm not (15:20) necessarily as reliable in that as i used to be because i under my what i value

Alan Lazaros

(15:28) now will we ever but you'd be the best person to call because you'd figure it out and how to (15:32) be there you're literally at home right now because of your adaptability yeah yeah this (15:38) is why it's so hard for me because you can't be reliable if you're not adaptable unless you have (15:43) wicked small goals in which case you can just be there for everybody all the time well i think

Kevin Palmieri

(15:47) that's the thing is like number one i don't think i have any friends that would end up in jail (15:52) it's like if you would end up in jail you're most likely not calling me and then number two (15:56) i think my thing would be like how much what how much is bail you don't need me to come get you (16:02) like how much is bail okay it's x amount of dollars here's an uber like you're good you're (16:07) good i think that's resourcefulness i think adaptability is resourcefulness i agree to a (16:12) degree to and that we have talked about so that that's an interesting take though and i do think

Alan Lazaros

(16:17) the breaking of trust though is when you are unreliable in something someone else values (16:23) you will break trust and that will destroy relationships so i see where you do need both (16:27) particularly in relationships i just didn't realize how much i was breaking trust well i

Kevin Palmieri

(16:34) think that's why i wanted to push back on that yeah because i didn't understand how much people (16:39) value that well it's because if if now again i'm going to say this i don't you'll understand why (16:46) i don't know that anybody would pick you to call because they don't think you'd do it you know what (16:52) i mean because in their mind but if there's a guy is that something people value yeah if it would (16:59) be very easy if i was on who wants to be a millionaire i was like all right there's one (17:03) person this person is obsessed with helping you get to your goals and dreams they'll stay up at (17:09) night scheming about how to do it who would it be and who's the most reliable person in your life (17:14) alan lazarus but if it was if your car broke down on the side of the road (17:19) who you calling it better not be alan lazarus i'm sorry no no i don't know anybody else that can be (17:25) i called them today answer the phone like that's a win yeah so you also knew i was in whatsapp at (17:31) that moment well because you were texting me if i think number one it's important to understand (17:36) it's important to define it for yourself what does it mean to be reliable what does it mean (17:41) for sure and what does it mean to the people around you too because you might think you're (17:45) reliable as shit and you just like misaligned love languages it's like yeah no we have quality (17:49) time we watch movies all the time together it's like i don't fucking that's not quality time

Alan Lazaros

(17:52) dude at all and for some people it might be for something w to to learn that you you listen your (18:00) acquaintances your friends friends your friends family or if you're gonna work closely with (18:05) you have to figure out what reliability means to them for sure because i this is a big l for me man (18:13) i didn't realize how much i was off on that but i need to know what you think reliability is i need (18:24) to know what emilia thinks reliability is and that way we can have a conversation and set the stage (18:29) to actually be successful working together because it's changed to me it's changed it's cheap i have

Kevin Palmieri

(18:36) my own definition for you as opposed to maybe what other people maybe other people yeah because i (18:42) understand it's like the the and again this is i don't know i like we haven't not missed an episode

Alan Lazaros

(18:48) because i'm unreliable right but but i definitely can see why if you value if it's on the calendar (18:56) at one no matter what happens it has it happens at one yeah not a chance and then we would have (19:01) to have a discussion of like brother i'm not even willing to play that game because i i need to be a (19:06) there's a certain level of adaptability that's required for goals like i can't go to the barbecue (19:10) and eat 3 000 calories i have 10 pound in 10 week challenge right so one of the things that i think (19:15) and again not to defend the rock because i'm i'm not necessarily a fan or not a fan i just (19:20) does anyone really know what his schedule's like you know i mean right but nobody cares but they

Kevin Palmieri

(19:27) should but wouldn't people that are also actors have a better idea than we would (19:32) like who else is he acting with in those movies vin diesel's pretty busy

Alan Lazaros

(19:37) i doubt nearly as brother he's not even close actually he's not even close isn't he grew (19:43) isn't he what isn't he grew doesn't do the group voice yeah yeah no but come on man

Kevin Palmieri

(19:47) vin diesel's not that if i was an actor that's what i'd be like give me the voice roles (19:52) like just like sit in a booth and make weird noises but here's the thing and this is my point

Alan Lazaros

(19:56) is nobody the rock could be like yeah but you don't understand what i'm trying to build it's

Kevin Palmieri

(20:01) nobody cares brother well unfortunately the example you used is you went to see tony robbins (20:06) and you're like yeah he was like whoever was like two hours late yeah yeah yeah that's a (20:09) fucking huge l for all the people little wayne this just happened there's memes going around (20:14) little wayne was supposed to play a show in in like new hampshire just didn't show up just didn't (20:18) show up seriously and he was three hours late for the next one i think that's too far that's too far (20:25) i know you're popular and i know you're a big rapper and all that but like these are your (20:28) like these are your fans like these people paid hard they're hard-earned money to see you and you

Alan Lazaros

(20:32) just yeah that's too far it's too far but if he was 10 minutes late let it happen like that's fair (20:37) he's a human being who needs to fucking yeah that's the fine line and i'm not advocating for one of (20:44) the other because if you have to pick you got to be both of these yeah of course you got to be both (20:48) of these but you know he might have had five other shows blah blah and in this case obviously (20:52) it's a trend and he needs to yeah he's gotten entitled and arrogant about a bit and obviously (20:58) the rock has too a bit and you notice that and i do too and again here we are judging them at the (21:03) end of the day the only way you can be the most successful version of yourself is to dial both of (21:10) these in i would choose adaptability first reliability second but both have to be very strong

Kevin Palmieri

(21:18) i would say it depends on what you're building i would say it depends on what you're building or (21:23) maybe who you're building with or who you're building with i feel like i have to be more

Alan Lazaros

(21:26) reliable the bigger your goals are the big the more adaptable you have to be yeah but like what

Kevin Palmieri

(21:32) if i used you for adaptability way more in the beginning than i do now and i just went all in on

Alan Lazaros

(21:39) reliability like i think that's a thing i we've definitely been balancing each other out in this

Kevin Palmieri

(21:45) without knowing it i think we knew it though no we definitely knew it i fucking drove i did (21:51) logistics yeah we knew we knew like hey kev that was it it was like find a way to get the right (21:57) flight get the right hotel booking just make sure we can be where we need to be on time it's like (22:02) fuck it i love that i don't want to not know i need to know i would love to do that yeah but (22:08) your career was built on reliability more than yeah but if you think about all the terrible jobs (22:13) i had i had to be adaptable to learn them yeah and i used to work different shifts and like dude

Alan Lazaros

(22:19) things would come up all the time i don't want to do a part two would you do reliability first

Kevin Palmieri

(22:24) adaptability second i would do adaptability first reliability second for sure i think that's (22:29) because you believe in your ability to dude i could be on time to everything for the rest of my (22:32) life i'm that's the story i'm telling myself would i accomplish the goals i have probably not

Alan Lazaros

(22:38) yeah i would argue that you can't multi-disciplinary optimization doesn't allow you to do that you have

Kevin Palmieri

(22:45) to what if little wayne never do cal ripken jr cal ripken jr played like 3 000 games in a row never (22:51) missed he's got the fucking streak he was never he's never he doesn't i don't know how many home (22:55) runs he has i don't know if he ever hit for the highest batting average we would have to do a part

Alan Lazaros

(22:59) two on this we're gonna do a part two because dude you have to be able to adapt like another (23:07) opportunity came up i i have to do them both but this one has to take a little hit like there's (23:12) that happens every day all the time like circumstances change all of a sudden it's like (23:17) this happened today you and i were supposed to record at noon i wasn't upset at all you were (23:23) more upset than i was it's like brother we're good it's gonna be fine well because in my mind (23:27) well that's not reliable it bothered me even a little bit it was just adaptable i know that's (23:33) the other thing but i obviously have a core value of adaptability more than you and you have that's

Kevin Palmieri

(23:37) why it depends that's why it depends on who you're around and last thing and we will we'll do a part (23:42) two but one of the things that i've let go of is like alan being late is not a representation of (23:46) how he feels about you like that's not yeah i think a lot of people feel that it's like well (23:50) they don't respect you enough to be on time it's like well i don't think it's always that simple (23:55) it's not like he woke up and he's like ah noon with kev

Alan Lazaros

(23:59) fuck him no no it's it's i just right now i'm supposed to be on movie club right now (24:05) this episode is more important than movie club that's a fact (24:10) it and emilia will be mature enough to understand that that this podcast is more important than (24:19) movie club that is and if i'm with someone who can't understand that like it's called (24:24) multidisciplinary prioritization i have to prioritize this podcast over movie club just (24:31) like i have to prioritize paying clients over free clients that's why i have to prioritize (24:35) you know what i mean so of course of course i think that's probably it is the bigger your goals are (24:40) the more you have to prioritize and syntax matters and the more you seem unreliable this is not an us (24:45) issue this is a the bigger your goals and dream i mean how many other people probably seem (24:49) unreliable that are well we're going to do part two achievers yeah let's do part two i think i

Kevin Palmieri

(24:53) think ceos probably seem super unreliable of course seriously well that's why when like uh (25:00) somebody sent a message to see like a letter to steve jobs and he like did a handwritten letter (25:04) back people were blown away it's like nobody expects him to do that taylor swift best example (25:08) she goes to people like if somebody invites her no not all the time right she probably gets a (25:12) thousand of these a day somebody invites her to her wedding she just shows up sometimes it's like (25:15) that shit hits the news she's more successful because of that little mario kart booster can't (25:22) do that all the time though no no she's definitely i don't know i've never been but i'm guessing

Alan Lazaros

(25:27) she's late to shows and like yeah of course you just do the best and if she's not good for her (25:31) but that also means she has a team of people taking care of everything else right and i i (25:37) can be more reliable now because we have a 25 person team that's true so i but but i'm also

Kevin Palmieri

(25:41) jacking up the amount of clients so it makes it harder and i can be more adaptable because i (25:46) don't have to be the one who's reliable as much anymore yeah interesting all right we're gonna (25:49) do part two we're gonna do part two next little fitness accountability group alan's coaching (25:53) master class every are we doing you want to announce what we're doing next month yeah i

Alan Lazaros

(25:57) already kind of did okay on on that post brandon uh she commented thank you so much this was super (26:05) useful and i said hey we're doing a master class on the first thursday of august yes and it's (26:13) exactly how to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks it'll be a master class with kevin and i presentation (26:19) style breaking down every single thing you have to do and keep in mind in order to lose 10 pounds (26:25) in 10 weeks now obviously we're already going to be like five four weeks into this but our master (26:31) class runway is the first thursday of every month so we wanted to piggyback it on that plus we were (26:35) both too busy and you're traveling so exactly how to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks the science of (26:41) exactly how to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks the registration link will be in the show notes (26:44) i believe our team has created it i'll make sure that our production team gets it cool all right

Kevin Palmieri

(26:50) as always love you appreciate you grateful for each and every one of you if you are as committed (26:53) as you say you are to getting to the next level make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be (26:56) here every single day to help you get there keep leveling up to reach your full potential (27:01) thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university we love connecting with

Alan Lazaros

(27:06) the next level family we mean it when we say family if you ever need anything please reach (27:12) out to us directly everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes thank you again

Kevin Palmieri

(27:17) and we will talk to you tomorrow