You Can’t Lie To Yourself And Be Truly Successful (2490)

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What if the biggest obstacle to your growth is the story you keep telling yourself? In this episode, Kevin and Alan explore why honest self-assessment is essential for lasting success, stronger relationships, and real self-trust. They break down how overpromising, avoiding weaknesses, and holding onto outdated commitments can quietly weaken your credibility with yourself and others.

This conversation will challenge you to look at where your words and actions do not yet match and make a more honest decision about what comes next. Before you make your next promise, make sure it is one your future self can respect.

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NLU is more than a podcast. From the Next Level Dreamliner to Group Coaching, we provide tools and communities to help you grow with more clarity, consistency, and accountability.

Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:50) The importance of accurate self-assessment
(5:57) The three layers of ego and personal honesty
(8:29) Why stories and excuses keep you stuck
(9:16) The value of owning your weaknesses
(15:57) How to identify the commitments you need to release
(17:50) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) My favorite clients in the world are the ones that come to me and just tell me how bad they are at certain things. (0:07) Not in a putting themselves down way, just the self-awareness enough to say, hey, this is where I'm struggling. (0:14) This is kind of where I suck.(0:15) Of course, I want to work on it. (0:17) Of course, I know I could get better. (0:18) And that is my current weakness.(0:21) I'm looking for help with that weakness.

Alan Lazaros

(0:23) How accurate are you in your assessment of self? (0:27) When you suck at something, do you tell yourself that you suck and want to get better? (0:32) When you're great at something, do you own that?(0:35) How accurate are you in your own self-assessment? (0:37) Self-awareness, self-assessment, very important. (0:41) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:44) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:45) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:48) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:55) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:02) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:17) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:24) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:30) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,490. (1:34) We're creeping our way up towards 2,500. (1:37) You can't lie to yourself and be truly successful.(1:41) I know a lot of people that probably lie to themselves and are quote unquote successful. (1:44) I'm telling you, they're not fulfilled along with that success, which means they're not truly successful. (1:48) Call with a client yesterday.(1:50) $9,000 program they invested in with another company. (1:54) Okay, $9,000. (1:56) And at the beginning, this person does their research very, very, very dialed in.(2:02) In the beginning, they said, look, this is where I suck. (2:06) I need marching orders. (2:08) I do really well with checklists, and when somebody is on me and somebody is keeping me accountable and somebody is telling me what to do, if I don't have that, I'm just going to go off the rails.(2:17) And they said, we got you. (2:20) We got you. (2:21) And if we don't get, you know, if you don't get the results in the first, if you don't make $12,000 with us in the first three months, we'll work with you for free until you do.(2:32) Yes. (2:33) Well, this client's made exactly $0 in those three months and has now asked for their money back because of how bad the experience has been. (2:43) And also said, I learned a bunch.(2:45) Like there was things that I learned. (2:47) It's not that I, it's not that I didn't learn. (2:48) It's that I told them what I needed based on my own self-awareness.(2:53) This is what I need. (2:53) This is what I need help with. (2:54) This is where you can add value to my life.(2:56) And they did not provide that. (2:58) I love when people say that. (3:00) Yeah.(3:01) I love it. (3:02) Not as a cop-out. (3:03) I'm terrible at building systems.(3:05) I'm trying to learn how to build systems. (3:07) I might be the worst in the world. (3:09) It's not good.(3:09) It's bad. (3:10) I seriously doubt you're the worst in the world. (3:12) There's very little I could teach you about building systems.(3:14) It's not my jam. (3:15) I don't know how to do it. (3:16) And I know that's a weakness.(3:18) That's a weakness that I always want to mitigate, but I don't know. (3:21) Imagine if I was just like.

Alan Lazaros

(3:23) Selling a program on how to build systems.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:25) Yeah. (3:25) Like what are we doing here?

Alan Lazaros

(3:26) So imagine if Kev was the systems guy and he told no one about me and he just used my system to sell systems programs.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:35) I'm sure for the beginning, I definitely like wasn't super, you know, scream from the mountaintops about you, but I was not selling systems that I can promise you.

Alan Lazaros

(3:43) Exactly. (3:43) And I think there's a lot more of that than I originally thought. (3:46) So everyone be careful, but that's not what I want to do here.(3:50) Uh, how accurate are you in your own self-assessment? (3:53) We, we, the story I'm telling myself. (3:57) Okay.(3:59) 37 going to be 38 November Allen version 3.7 email. (4:04) And I have been through this phase lately where it's like, let's stop telling ourselves stories like no more. (4:11) I'm going to, yeah, I'll eat that.(4:13) No, you're not gonna, you're not gonna. (4:15) Yeah. (4:16) Uh, we'll, uh, we'll do that thing.(4:18) Nope. (4:19) We're not going to do it. (4:21) What's a good example of this?(4:23) Oh, we'll get to that this weekend. (4:25) Not going to happen. (4:26) Not going to happen.(4:31) I do think this comes back to words and actions matching because if you're optimistic about what you can accomplish, you're always going to fall short. (4:46) And I do think that's better than being pessimistic about what you can accomplish because at least you feel forward. (4:53) But when you do, and I'm, I've definitely gotten better at this over time.(5:03) I used to aim high and miss until now I aim high still, but I I'm much better at picking a target I can actually hit. (5:16) And I think part of that is because I've matured. (5:18) The other part of that is I know that it's a credit when you don't.(5:22) So when I say we're going to make 50 grand this quarter and then we don't, or this, this month, and then we don't, I take a credit, 150 grand this quarter, 50 grand a month. (5:33) If I say that and then I do it, the team sees me as more credible. (5:39) Whereas if I shoot for 400 K and I hit 200 K, I actually am seen as less credible, which makes no sense because I still hit 200 K instead of 150.(5:49) So it's hard for me. (5:51) You got to balance this. (5:52) But my point here is the story you tell yourself, like, don't lie to yourself about anything.(5:57) There's these three circles of the ego. (6:00) The outer layer is who you want others to believe you are. (6:04) The next layer in is who you want to believe you are.(6:07) And then the layer in the middle is who you really are. (6:11) I always talk about my car accident at 26. (6:13) When I faced mortality, all three of those circles became the same.(6:18) And my, one of my goals in life, I kid you not, is to get those three circles to be the same. (6:22) I want to be the least full of shit human on earth. (6:26) And that means I can't embellish.(6:29) I have to be very accurate in everything I say. (6:31) And I'm not perfect at this. (6:32) I mean, I've rounded up many times different things, but I do want to be, that's like a new focus for me is be the least full of shit person on earth.(6:41) Because I think as I've, as I've coached and I coached 39 people, awesome, great. (6:46) As I've learned, met many of my heroes, mentors, famous people, rich people, supermodels, like I realized like, oh, the world is way more full of shit than I ever could have imagined. (6:58) And there's nothing I can do about it other than just be depressed about it.(7:01) So I decided to be the change I wish to see in the world, which is I want to be as good behind the scenes as I showcase. (7:11) And I really, really want to be the least full of shit possible. (7:15) I do.(7:15) That's a, that's a goal. (7:17) And that's not easy because you have to basically make sure that everything you say is aligned with everything you do all the time. (7:23) And you, it's not easy to do that.(7:25) Especially when you're a fucking podcaster, like half the time, I don't even want to talk about this. (7:29) Right. (7:29) But you can't lead by example.(7:32) Jim Rohn has a quote. (7:34) He says, words are no replacement for actions, but actions aren't replacement for words either. (7:41) You still have to say things like you need words and actions.(7:44) You need them both and you need them to align. (7:46) And they don't always align perfectly. (7:48) I mean, there have been times where I said I'd get that done this weekend and then didn't of course, right?(7:52) Does that make me an untrustworthy person? (7:55) No, it means I fucking have too much on my plate. (7:57) And I probably shouldn't have told you I'd get it done.(7:59) Emilia will always say, do you promise? (8:01) And it's like, no, because the promise, there's certain things that I do not miss. (8:07) Like I just promised her something last night that was really special.(8:10) Um, and that's a promise that's going to happen no matter what, but I'm not going to promise you that I'm going to fix the garbage disposal this weekend. (8:17) Like I might fucking not, it is what it is. (8:20) Right.(8:20) And that ain't the priority. (8:22) So my point of this whole thing is stop telling yourself stories and grow up.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:29) It's hard. (8:30) Stories feel good. (8:32) Stories feel good.(8:34) They do. (8:35) They feel good. (8:36) They feel really good.(8:38) But I do think again, and this, maybe this pairs nicely with the episode about the tribe. (8:44) I would much rather somebody just lay out their weaknesses or their imperfections.

Alan Lazaros

(8:50) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:50) I don't, I don't want your positive resume. (8:53) I don't care. (8:54) I don't care.(8:55) Give me the shit. (8:57) Oh yeah. (8:58) No, I grad.(8:59) I don't give a fuck. (9:00) I don't care. (9:01) I could care less.(9:02) I don't care. (9:03) I don't care because that doesn't, that's, it doesn't really matter that much. (9:07) It's great and good for you.(9:08) I love that for you. (9:09) That's awesome. (9:10) But like, tell me where you suck.(9:11) Tell me where you're terrible. (9:12) Right? (9:13) Like that's the jam.(9:16) And it's also a fine line because if you come to me and you just give me the 25 reasons you're terrible, I might say like, give me some of the positives though. (9:24) What are we doing here?

Alan Lazaros

(9:25) And not only that, but you may not hire me. (9:27) That's true. (9:28) Metaphorically.(9:29) Yeah. (9:29) I actually, I think that we're weird in that dude. (9:32) Like we always talk about the Brandon story.(9:34) Brandon's still on the team to this day. (9:36) Brandon, shout out to you. (9:36) He listens every day.(9:38) And he was like, dude, I don't have any skills, but I'll work really hard. (9:42) And we were both looked at each other. (9:43) We're like, fuck yeah.(9:44) Yeah. (9:45) We're good. (9:46) We're good with that.(9:47) Honestly, dude, the people who I regret hiring and I have a couple, Holy hell. (9:52) Uh, seriously, they were full of shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:56) Because I think you have to be full of shit. (9:59) Oftentimes. (10:00) Tell me, uh, give me your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.(10:03) Well, my greatest strength is just people, man. (10:06) You know, like you put somebody in front of me. (10:07) I can tell.(10:08) I'll talk to them. (10:09) I'll hear them. (10:09) I'll understand them.(10:10) I'll feel them. (10:10) We will be friends. (10:11) My biggest weakness is probably that I just care too much.(10:16) You know, uh, I find myself often at home after a hard day work, just thinking how to work harder tomorrow. (10:22) I just can't fucking turn it off. (10:24) But people are like, yes, that's it.(10:27) He's the one. (10:27) That's it. (10:28) He's the one.

Alan Lazaros

(10:28) I think that that's just being a naive leader or employer because dude, like, I mean, that's fair. (10:35) That would never work. (10:36) Now.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:36) I think we were just naive. (10:38) Honestly. (10:38) I think you were probably naive.(10:40) I did never, I don't think I really ever, I was more naive than you that I a hundred percent.

Alan Lazaros

(10:45) Yeah. (10:46) I don't trophy is mine. (10:47) Most naive about people, but you were naive too.(10:51) Yeah. (10:51) But not about this specifically. (10:52) Oh, you know me.(10:53) I just want to work with people. (10:54) I like you liking people is predicated on what we talked about in the last episode, which is character, which is basically not being full of it. (11:04) Yeah.(11:04) Yeah. (11:04) That's what I'm saying is like, I don't, in my mind, how did you get a bullshit radar? (11:09) How did, how did you get so good at that?(11:12) There's someone from my past that Kevin was like, dude, I've always known that person's full of shit. (11:16) And I was like, seriously, why the fuck didn't you tell me? (11:20) He's like, I tried.(11:21) No, you didn't. (11:22) I would have listened. (11:23) I would have been like, oh, okay.(11:25) I don't know. (11:25) Do I know this person? (11:26) Of course you do.(11:27) We're not going to, we're going to keep it anonymous. (11:29) We're going to keep it anonymous.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:30) How do I know? (11:33) I don't, I don't know if I have a good answer, man. (11:36) Because I, all my life, I would just hear people talk about how they were going to do this and how they were going to do that.(11:40) And they just never did. (11:41) And it was like, oh, okay. (11:42) So that's like the norm.(11:44) The norm is somebody says like, I'm going to date her. (11:49) It's like, fuck yeah. (11:50) Fuck yeah.(11:51) And then like, they just never talked to him. (11:54) It's like, oh, okay. (11:57) Interesting.(11:57) Bold, bold strategy. (11:59) We'll see how that pans out. (12:01) Dude, just that, like, I'm going to get in the shape of delusion.

Alan Lazaros

(12:05) I think it's that again, you had so much pain with your dad's going to pick you up. (12:09) I don't, I mean, I know that's where you go. (12:10) I don't call, obviously it's unconscious.(12:13) Yeah. (12:13) But you developed this, this skill to protect yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:17) But I also, dude, I think there's a piece of it that like, I said that shit too. (12:21) I'm sure I said I was going to go do something. (12:23) Brother, how many fucking entrepreneurial endeavors that I have that I just never did?(12:28) So many. (12:29) Yeah. (12:30) My buddy and I were going to get into the stock market.(12:33) He would research it. (12:34) And I was like, fuck, I'm not doing this. (12:35) This is stupid.(12:36) I, I had, I, I just let him do it. (12:39) And then he would come to me and tell me what was going to win. (12:42) And then I just still wouldn't do anything.(12:43) It's like, I don't fucking, I don't want to do this. (12:45) The cell phone case company. (12:47) Um, I was going to buy my mom for a long time when eBay was big, used to buy and flip platinum chains and make like a fair amount of money doing it.(12:54) She's a hustler. (12:55) I was going to do that for a while. (12:57) I was into online poker for a while.(12:59) Yeah. (13:01) Yeah. (13:01) You could get them from either, you could get them from a place that was a smaller market and sell it at a bigger market and make some pretty good money.(13:07) Actually a little triage. (13:08) Uh, what else? (13:10) Baseball cards.(13:10) I have hundreds of thousands of baseball cards that I said, I've been saying for years, I'm going to put together and sell. (13:15) I'm not going to, I'm not going to. (13:19) All right.

Alan Lazaros

(13:19) Last thing. (13:20) No, keep going.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:20) Keep going. (13:21) Uh, when, when, so when Taryn's grandmother passed away, we helped clean up the house and there's these, I don't know where they, I think they're in the attic. (13:29) There's these like old magazines from like 1920 of like car magazines.(13:35) And her mom was like, do you want them? (13:36) I was like, I will definitely take those and bring those to an antique store. (13:39) Brother, what the fuck was I thinking?(13:41) There's no way. (13:43) There's no, of course I'm not going to do that.

Alan Lazaros

(13:44) I appreciate this conversation.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:46) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(13:47) That's why. (13:48) Now some of that is because you pivoted just because you had an intention at one point doesn't mean like, cause some of that I have to write, uh, uh, snowboarding, basketball, semi-pro gaming. (14:01) Like there was a lot of things I tried.(14:03) You have to experiment, but I didn't say, no, I've never, like I'm going to be a pro snowboarder and then didn't do it.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:08) Like I saw the patterns. (14:12) I just think I saw the pat. (14:13) It's like, oh, you went, you just went to school for four years to become a state police officer.(14:18) Are you going to like take the fucking test? (14:20) Oh no. (14:22) What the, what were we, what are we doing?(14:24) What did you just do for the last four years then? (14:26) Yeah. (14:27) You just wasted, not wasted.(14:29) You just invested potentially or wasted four years of your life to learn something you're never going to use. (14:35) Why? (14:36) I know.(14:38) And we've been talking about this shit since we were kids. (14:41) You said you were going to do this. (14:42) You said you were going to do this.(14:43) I said I was going to do this. (14:45) I went and fucking trained to fight professionally. (14:47) I didn't finish it, but I went, I did what I said I was going to fucking do.

Alan Lazaros

(14:51) Do you think, and again, this is a really risky question on air and I know we got to go. (14:56) Do you think that I've followed through in pretty much everything we've said? (14:59) Yeah.(14:59) Yeah. (14:59) I don't think it's the same.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:00) Like you were a semi pro gamer who was one of the best in the world. (15:06) Like it's not like you said you were going to do it. (15:08) Looked at the price of an Xbox and said, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(15:12) I was 20th. (15:13) Halo two, baby. (15:14) I don't really like that.(15:15) I should have screenshot it. (15:17) 20th in the world, baby. (15:18) I don't really like this game.(15:19) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:20) I'm not going to play it anymore.

Alan Lazaros

(15:21) No, but it's weird because I think a lot of people think I'm full of shit, right? (15:25) That's really hard for me to, to, I think more people will continue to think you're full of shit.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:30) What the hell? (15:31) Why? (15:31) I'm trying to be, I know because you're being more honest in how much you believe in yourself, but fewer people are actually going to get to see behind the scenes.

Alan Lazaros

(15:39) You know, you told me I would look less full of shit as we became more successful. (15:43) You have lied to me. (15:44) No, no.(15:44) I said, if you start like showing off your success, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:49) Nah, fuck that. (15:50) And that's the answer I usually get.

Alan Lazaros

(15:52) Yeah. (15:52) Yeah. (15:53) We'll see.(15:53) We'll see. (15:54) Um, fitness success? (15:55) No, I'm kidding.(15:56) All right. (15:56) We gotta, we gotta go. (15:57) Here's the point of the episode.(15:59) Next level university, next level you, not next level Kevin, not next level Alan. (16:02) Obviously we talked a lot about ourselves here. (16:04) What, where are you full of it?(16:06) Where are you telling yourself a story? (16:08) Where are you saying you're going to do things? (16:10) Own it if you're not.(16:12) Own it. (16:12) Get rid of it. (16:13) It's all cognitive.(16:14) It's like tabs open on your computer. (16:16) Get rid of them. (16:16) Can them now?(16:18) I'm not going to, you're not going to do the magazine thing. (16:20) Just can't at all. (16:21) You want to know why you're so struggling to be disciplined?(16:24) You probably so bogged down by all your past mistakes and embellishments and nonsense, not just you Kev, but people like from be the person who says they're going to do it and then fucking does it. (16:35) That's my new sneaky goal in life. (16:38) Like if I, and here's the key, I'm not going to say it unless I'm actually going to do it.(16:44) And yes, occasionally I will pivot. (16:46) Like the garbage disposal is a funny example. (16:48) It's like, I'm not going to do it this weekend.(16:50) Okay. (16:51) I'm probably not. (16:51) I might do it this weekend.(16:53) See, that's different. (16:54) That's different. (16:55) And we're actually, we already fixed it.(16:56) Emilia fixed it. (16:57) We didn't do anything. (16:58) Emilia fixed it.(16:59) We actually don't have to replace it. (17:00) But the point is I'm going to be very careful with my words and my actions from now on, because that always bothered me. (17:06) People would talk, like you just said, all the time.(17:09) They'd say, I want to go to blah, blah, blah. (17:11) And I want to do this and I want to do, and no one would. (17:13) And it would always bother me.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:14) I think the biggest difference is I used to say it and not do it. (17:18) And now when I say it, I do it. (17:19) And I just can, now it's easier to recognize.(17:22) It's like, yeah, no, I used to, I used to do that too. (17:24) I understand.

Alan Lazaros

(17:24) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:25) I see that a lot more now for sure. (17:26) A hundred percent. (17:27) So many of my lessons about everything are just about me.(17:30) Like old Kevin would have done it this way. (17:32) Maybe they're similar to old Kevin. (17:35) I don't know.(17:35) Like that's, that's the jam. (17:36) Okay. (17:37) If one of the places you're lying to yourself is with your fitness accountability, next level fitness accountability group, free WhatsApp group, no strings attached.(17:43) Come get jacked. (17:43) That's the, that's the tagline. (17:45) Alan's coaching will help you tremendously look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.(17:48) Therefore helping you accomplish way more in life. (17:50) As always, we love you. (17:51) Appreciate you.(17:52) Grateful for each and every one of you. (17:53) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow. (17:56) Cause we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(17:59) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:02) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (18:06) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(18:09) We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (18:14) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (18:17) Thank you again.(18:18) And we will talk to you tomorrow.