How Do You Level Set Yourself? (2497)

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In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore why confidence without humility becomes arrogance, while self-doubt can keep you from acting on your potential. They break down the “Drive to Five,” a framework for building accurate self-assessment instead of swinging between insecurity and overconfidence.

Drawing from their own wins, setbacks, coaching clients, and nearly 2,500 episodes, Kevin and Alan discuss how comparison, expectations, and emotional triggers can distort your view of progress. Learn how to stay grounded, recognize what pulls you off center, and build confidence that is supported by action, self-awareness, and honest reflection.

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Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
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Show notes:
(2:12) The drive to five: Confidence and humility
(6:29) When belief becomes delusion
(10:06) How comparison distorts self-assessment
(17:14) Managing success, setbacks, and emotional swings
(19:42) Identifying what pulls you off center
(25:16) Benchmarking against reality
(30:06) Turning belief into disciplined action
(32:19) Balancing confidence with humility
(34:03) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) You are either more confident or less confident than you should be, and it all depends on how you feel, the results you're getting, and what you think of yourself.

Alan Lazaros

(0:09) The drive to five. (0:11) Zero to ten. (0:12) Five is optimal.(0:13) Ten is overly confident, aka arrogant. (0:15) Zero is self-doubt. (0:18) You need some belief.(0:19) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:22) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:24) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:27) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:33) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:40) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:56) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:02) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:08) Excellonation today for episode number 2,497. (1:12) How do you level-set yourself? (1:15) One of the reasons I wanted to do this episode is because a lot of the times we talk about accountability or we say, hire a coach or whatever it is, right?(1:23) And I obviously think coaching is extremely valuable. (1:26) But if you're out there and life is just happening and you're getting results, let's just say when it comes to health, you're crushing it. (1:35) Maybe you're in the best shape you've ever been.(1:36) When it comes to wealth, you're getting opportunities. (1:38) You feel really good. (1:39) You feel abundant.(1:39) And when it comes to love, you're crushing it. (1:41) You met your dream person. (1:43) The sparks are flying.(1:44) You're in the honeymoon phase. (1:45) Awesome. (1:46) You most likely are going to get a little bit arrogant because everything you've been working so hard for is now coming true.(1:53) And I always say, for those of us who are on the lower end of drive to five naturally, when you get confidence, it is like a tool, a weapon that you have never had before that you don't know how to use. (2:04) So if you think of it as like a nail gun, you're just shooting nails all over the place, which means you're maybe offending people. (2:10) This is one of my best examples that I have.(2:12) There was a kid at the gym. (2:15) He doesn't work there anymore. (2:16) He was the manager of the gym.(2:18) And I went up to him one day and I said, Hey, can you, can you let me in the boxing room? (2:21) I get my boxing workout. (2:23) And him and I started talking.(2:24) I said, what do you do for work? (2:25) And all this stuff. (2:25) And by the end of the conversation, I was giving him advice on the stock market, completely unwarranted.(2:31) He didn't ask just like I was feeling myself. (2:35) I understood finance maybe for the first time. (2:37) And there was somebody who I could maybe help.(2:40) And after that, I was like, Oh, what a fucking asshole. (2:42) Oh, I'm an asshole. (2:44) I didn't realize that I wasn't being humble in that moment.(2:50) Right. (2:50) And that maybe that's not the best example, but, but I had that, that regret after I had that dirty feeling of, Ooh, interesting. (2:57) You're flying high and you allow that to get on somebody else.(3:01) And I think that is what happens when you start to get results that you didn't necessarily know you could get. (3:06) Do you actually think you were arrogant or do you think you were, I didn't read the received as arrogant? (3:10) No, no.(3:10) I don't think it was, I don't think I even, this was more of a self thing. (3:16) Him and I were buddies after that. (3:17) It was totally fine.(3:18) It was just more, I didn't, was he grateful for the advice? (3:22) I think so, but I wasn't grateful that I gave it the way I did. (3:27) It just icky.(3:28) It was an icky feeling. (3:29) It's the best way to just was unwarranted. (3:32) You know, unsolicited, you know, for most of your life, you try to coach people who didn't want to be coached allegedly.(3:40) Yeah. (3:41) So that was this moment for me.

Alan Lazaros

(3:42) It's like, Oh, I know, but that's not always bad depending on the person actually is humble.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:48) But just as an example, I was feeling myself and I wanted everybody to feel themselves and sometimes, yeah, but sometimes the way you approach was off. (3:59) Yeah. (3:59) The intent is always good.(4:01) The approach is not always good.

Alan Lazaros

(4:03) I think a better example based on my perspective of your stories. (4:07) Tell me about me. (4:08) No, but a better example is when you basically said, Oh, that won't even be that hard.(4:14) You with that guy who had a business goal of, I don't know, 10 million plus or something. (4:20) And you're like, Oh, that would actually not even be that difficult.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:23) Honestly, it might've been this. (4:24) Maybe that's why the story isn't landing. (4:26) Cause I think it was something along the lines of that.

Alan Lazaros

(4:29) You started talking about your charity and how you want to donate and your goals. (4:36) And you were just trying to connect when in reality you ended up turning them off. (4:39) I think we were just trying to connect.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:40) And then he was like, yeah, I want to, I don't know what it was, but it was, he wanted to either invest a certain amount or have a certain amount of properties. (4:47) You know, I was like, yeah, it's not even that hard. (4:50) You're like 23.(4:51) Yeah. (4:51) You're gonna be fine. (4:52) Let's have you 30.(4:53) Like brother, I'm 36. (4:54) By the time you're my age, you're going to be wildly successful. (4:57) So it was, it was that, but that's also potentially true.(5:01) But I think it's like the, um, if you've ever worked with somebody, if you have a friend, this, this is a great example. (5:10) I've had friends in the past who I'd go to the gym with who I would teach how to work out. (5:14) I would physically teach them like, Hey, this is what you do.(5:16) This is how you do it. (5:17) And then eventually it gets to the point where they're like, I know I saw when you squatted, your knee was coming out a little bit. (5:25) And it looks like you, you know, it looks like you had a little bit of like forward lean.(5:29) It's like, Oh, thank you. (5:30) Thank you. (5:31) You've never squatted once.(5:33) I've never seen you squat at all. (5:34) Why are you critiquing my form? (5:36) But they, they feel good about themselves because they're doing something consistently and they swing over sometimes.

Alan Lazaros

(5:43) Yeah. (5:43) A hundred percent. (5:44) All right.(5:44) So the drive to five is a law that Kevin and I invented. (5:52) Now I'm being playful. (5:53) It is something that we do believe is a principle that applies to all human beings.(5:57) I do believe that's true. (5:58) I will say that confidently. (5:59) We've been using it for nine years.(6:02) The drive to five is zero to 10. (6:04) Five is optimal. (6:06) 10 is you are overconfident.(6:08) You are arrogant. (6:10) Zero is you're, you're doubting yourself. (6:12) You don't believe in anything.(6:13) And the reason we're doing this episode, despite Kevin's awesome story, I'm just joking, uh, is because when we were contemplating off air, I did a conscious couples podcast episode about, do you believe in your dream relationship? (6:29) Not, not even if you're single, even if you're in relationship, have you lost belief in the ability to have a dream relationship, even with that person? (6:38) And on the episode, I, I, I said, well, let's flip the coin because I told her my goal is to be the least full of shit person on earth.(6:47) So we need to show both sides of the coin got to. (6:49) So one side of the coin is you got to believe in your dream relationship, whether you're single or in a relationship already, you got to believe it's possible. (6:55) You got to have clarity on it.(6:57) You got to invest in it. (6:58) So believe more, invest more, achieve more, believe more, invest more, flourish more, believe more, invest more, uh, get more, whatever, grow more, give more unit, more, more, more. (7:09) Okay.(7:09) That's the success loop. (7:10) The downside, the doom loop is believe less, invest less, and then it gets worse, which makes you believe even less. (7:17) Now here's the thing.(7:18) And I said this to her, I said, when should you not believe in it? (7:23) Because in the past, I have a relationship I'm thinking of that I believed in way more than I should have because some people don't believe at all. (7:32) And therefore they're in the doom loop and they never go for it and they never invest and they don't make it happen.(7:38) But other people believe in something that isn't real and they invest in a delusion and they waste a bunch of time and effort that could have been spent or invested elsewhere. (7:49) And so that's kind of what I want to talk about. (7:52) The people that are optimistic on the high end of drive to five are probably at least to some extent delusional.(7:59) That was me. (8:00) The people on the low end are probably delusional in the other direction, which is one person doesn't believe anything is possible. (8:08) The other person believes everything is possible and it's all going to work out with three easy payments of 39.95 jokingly. (8:15) But, but I do think that we swing this pendulum. (8:20) Nobody stays on one side of the drive to five forever. (8:23) And I've noticed certain clients.(8:27) Here's your list of goals. (8:28) Write them all down. (8:30) I'll never forget this.(8:31) She wrote down all her goals. (8:33) A call two, three, four, five years later, probably three years later, we went through the list and she had achieved every single one of them. (8:42) And it's like, that's awesome.(8:44) Now what else can you do? (8:46) Well, this person, she may or may not be listening. (8:50) Uh, it was like, I want to be a billionaire.(8:52) And it's like, okay, maybe that's an overswing. (8:57) And, and later on years later, I said, do you know how many billionaires there are? (9:01) She's like, no.(9:02) I said 3,600. (9:03) This was at the time. (9:04) It's different now.(9:05) I said, how many of them are self-made? (9:07) She's like, I don't know. (9:07) And I said, very few.(9:09) Okay. (9:10) Maybe 1,200 at the time. (9:12) How many of them are young women from Massachusetts who were born from nothing and didn't have generational wealth?(9:20) She's like, I don't know. (9:21) I said, listen, I'm just, I'm not saying you can't do it. (9:23) I'm saying you got to know what you're signing up for.(9:25) So here's my point. (9:26) Drive to five. (9:28) Some people are straight up delusional, straight up fucking delusional.(9:35) Other people, they doubt everything. (9:39) I know you may, maybe you're not going to be a billionaire, but you can achieve something, right? (9:43) There's no one who can't get better.(9:45) And so we got to figure out where we're at and you got to coach yourself on this. (9:50) It's the hard part. (9:52) Because what's the chances you have a peer group who is going to get you to accurately assess yourself?

Kevin Palmieri

(9:58) Unless they're all into growth, very small. (10:00) Okay. (10:01) We know what an overswing from my end looks like.(10:06) When did I have my biggest overswing? (10:08) Oh, yeah, we know. (10:09) We went to a Brendan Burchard event and I was super nervous that I wasn't going to fit in and I wasn't smart enough and I wasn't anything enough.(10:17) And I met a bunch of people and I was like way ahead of a lot of people, even though they had been doing it for a lot longer. (10:22) And I was like, holy shit, this is magnificent. (10:24) I feel like I found my people.(10:26) And when we came back, I was definitely over. (10:29) I was like, I'm a fucking man. (10:30) I don't even know if I have to work anymore.(10:32) This is going to be fine. (10:33) This is going to be easy. (10:35) So that is when your experience far outweighs the expectations you had.(10:45) And then you self-assign that to yourself when maybe you don't really deserve it. (10:49) That's a piece of it. (10:50) Because we talk about state-proved self-assign.(10:53) One of the best ways to overswing is to state that something is going to go horribly wrong, be dragged to the thing, even though you don't want to go, but then get proof that it actually went better than you thought. (11:09) And then third thing, self-assign all of that responsibility to yourself.

Alan Lazaros

(11:14) In hindsight, I think I set you up for that. (11:18) And again, I really want this to land because I don't want to, I know you're going to say, no, no, no, it's on me. (11:23) I'm an adult.(11:23) I know, but I'll let you take full credit. (11:26) Okay. (11:26) Nice.(11:27) If you really do think about it, I did kind of get you to go.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:33) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(11:34) And I did not make it clear that it was because of me. (11:37) No. (11:38) Once you got a big head.(11:40) Yeah, that's fair. (11:41) And when you came home with a big head, I cried. (11:44) And the reason why is because I was like, if he's cocky now, we are fucked.(11:50) And I'm basically not gonna be able to work with him. (11:53) And that, that was what triggered now in hindsight, at the time I was like, what is going on inside of me? (11:58) You know, it was horrible.(12:00) It was so bad. (12:00) I was like, brother, why the fuck are you crying? (12:04) Yeah, exactly.(12:06) Why are you crying? (12:07) Everything's great. (12:08) But now I know why, because my candor here, as hard as this is to share, I did help people be successful in the past and then have them think it was all them.(12:23) And I'm still at the beginning of the journey. (12:25) They're at the top of whatever fucking mountain they're climbing, the mountain of delusion. (12:30) And I'm at the base camp of mine.(12:32) So I went to Brendan Burchard and I came home with humble pie. (12:36) So what is that?

Kevin Palmieri

(12:37) So my end is you get over and you get arrogant. (12:40) What is, what is your end? (12:42) You get humble pie.(12:44) You get absolutely devastated. (12:45) What does that look like? (12:46) And how long does it last?

Alan Lazaros

(12:47) Well, so you went to the, the Brendan Burchard event is the best example. (12:50) And I, was this High Performance Academy or Influencer? (12:52) I think it was High Performance Academy.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:53) Yeah, this was the first one. (12:54) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(12:54) Which was actually awesome. (12:56) High Performance Academy, I liked. (12:57) Influencer, I think sucked.(12:58) Garbage. (12:59) But anyway, so, so we went, Kevin thought it was going to be terrible and it went awesome for him. (13:05) I thought I was going to be like, yes, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm going to be a strong speaker.(13:11) I am a strong speaker. (13:12) Okay. (13:12) This wasn't conscious.(13:13) This is unconscious and it's going to go great. (13:15) And it's all good. (13:16) I was comparing to Brendan.(13:18) You were comparing to the audience compared to Brendan. (13:22) He was 45 at the time or 43 or whatever. (13:24) I don't know.(13:25) I'd have to look it up, but he was in his forties and he had thousands and thousands and thousands more speeches under his belt than I did. (13:32) So I went and compared to him and you went and compared to the audience. (13:36) If I had compared to the audience, I would have left feeling great too.(13:39) I had more fucking clarity than you did. (13:42) You know, it's like, um, but I went comparing to him and he had started decades earlier. (13:48) So I came home with a lot of humble pie of like, Alan, you have work to do.(13:54) Like you have to re you have to rebuild your entire career from the speaking thing. (13:58) If you want to be at his level and you have to put in the reps now, starting right now. (14:03) And that's, you know, that's exactly what I did.(14:06) And I, I seriously, and even, even a year or two later when we went to influencer, I didn't feel humble pie. (14:12) If anything, it was like, okay, nice.

Kevin Palmieri

(14:15) I don't remember what I felt. (14:16) I think I probably was accurate. (14:18) Yeah.(14:19) Most likely. (14:20) I will tell you, I went to a podcast uh, conference two or three years ago and I, oh my, it was fucking brutal. (14:29) I, so I went in thinking that I was going to be valued and appreciated and everybody was going to love me.(14:37) And I felt like it was the exact opposite. (14:39) I felt like I was going to go and I was going to fit in with my people. (14:42) And then I went to like three or four different speeches or panels.(14:45) And I was like, wait, what? (14:49) These people are speaking? (14:50) This is, this is the fucking event.

Alan Lazaros

(14:52) This is terrible. (14:53) What's your candor? (14:53) Talk to me.(14:54) I love this. (14:55) I live for this. (14:56) Terrible.(14:56) It was terrible. (14:57) It was. (14:57) What about it was terrible?(14:58) The speakers were garbage. (15:00) They didn't really, they weren't honest or.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:02) Many of the speakers were garbage. (15:05) Most of what they were saying was not at all accurate and or useful to, it's like the last thing somebody needs to worry about when they're just starting their podcast is what you're talking about. (15:17) You're talking about shit that's just so far out of left field.(15:19) It doesn't matter. (15:20) Yeah. (15:21) Many of the people, many of the.(15:22) Can you give us an example? (15:24) No, I don't fucking remember. (15:25) I blocked all that shit out.(15:27) No, it was. (15:28) On a park bench, crying, eating chocolate. (15:30) That was it.

Alan Lazaros

(15:30) That was a separate.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:31) That was the second one. (15:33) Yeah. (15:33) I spoke at one of them.(15:36) I'm bugging here. (15:36) I spoke at one of them. (15:37) If I wasn't speaking, I would have left.(15:39) I would not have stayed. (15:40) Now again, here's the difference. (15:42) I'm not saying it's not valuable for a new podcaster.(15:44) I'm saying what I thought I was going to get out of the experience.

Alan Lazaros

(15:47) I did not, but you did say it's not valuable for a new podcaster. (15:50) That's what I want to talk about too. (15:51) We have a next level podcast accelerator starting in a couple of weeks.(15:54) We coach podcasters. (15:56) You've coached hundreds of podcasters. (15:58) It is.(15:58) I'm not saying it's not valuable.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:00) I'm not saying it's not valuable, but it's not as valuable as what you believe could be delivered. (16:05) We had somebody who is at one of those conferences while they did the next level podcast accelerator. (16:10) They said, I learned more from your stuff than I learned from their stuff.(16:13) So no, I think I obviously believe in our stuff more, but it's just like, I don't know. (16:21) It's too much. (16:22) It's too big.(16:23) There's too much going on. (16:24) There's fucking this most successful podcaster on the planet. (16:28) Who's talking to you about stuff, but they're not actually telling you how they did it.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:30) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:31) You know, you just gotta really be consistent. (16:33) It's really be consistent, man. (16:34) You know, all those times I didn't believe in it, man.(16:36) I just kept going, you know, and I just, you know what, I didn't want to do it. (16:39) I did it. (16:40) And you know, where the guests didn't show up, I found a way to get it done.(16:42) It's like, no, that's not why you're successful. (16:44) That's a fucking lie. (16:45) It's brutal, brutal.(16:47) So, but the whole point of that is I went in with the expectation that I was going to be the man. (16:53) I went in, I thought I was going to be the man and then I got humble pie and I was crying on a fucking park bench, eating chocolate, calling me, calling Alan. (17:01) It's like, brother, I'm not going.(17:03) I'm going back to the Airbnb. (17:04) I'm going to chill. (17:05) I'm chilling, man.

Alan Lazaros

(17:06) I'm sorry. (17:07) Giant $1,000 on this trip. (17:09) Yeah, you know, and your time, uh, man.(17:14) So, so back to the drive to five, zero, too much self-doubt. (17:19) You don't believe anything's possible. (17:20) 10, you believe everything's possible with very little effort and neither is true.(17:25) Neither is true. (17:26) And you've got to figure out where you are and you've got to stay at five. (17:29) Now I want to make this as clear as possible.(17:33) I you go from 10 to one to nine to two, like the pendulum swings a lot farther. (17:40) And when you get mature, I think emotional maturity is you still swing. (17:45) Got to.(17:45) Otherwise you're not in the fight. (17:46) You got to swing. (17:48) But I don't, I don't get devastated.(17:52) Like today's been a hard day. (17:53) You knew that you could, you could, you know, today's been, today's been a pretty hard day, but I'm not like, I'm all right. (18:00) I'm all right.(18:00) And I think that as you get older and older and older and more and more mature, you don't have these like massive swings. (18:08) It's like when you're a little kid, you're like screaming into your pillow one minute and like licking an ice cream cone. (18:13) The next totally fine.(18:14) That's not how adults are supposed to operate. (18:17) Albeit some still do. (18:19) Uh, but, but the point that I'm making here is where are you and how honest are you about that?(18:25) I have one person I'm coaching tomorrow, two people, their brothers. (18:30) One of them is flying high right now. (18:33) Cause he's W-ing big wins lately.(18:36) He's a very humble guy. (18:37) So I think he'll be good. (18:38) The other one I think is flying a little low.(18:40) Cause he's been really eating the humble pie of the coaching. (18:43) If you want to eat humble pie coach with me and like track habits, it makes you realize how just, this is a bad sales pitch. (18:50) The best probably, you know, it's the best.(18:52) If, if you really are flying high time, your mile do weighted chin-ups, uh, do something really hard when I, like I talked to you off air and I want to bring some of this stuff in. (19:08) Kevin and I had a monster Q2. (19:10) We just did so well.(19:12) Great work. (19:14) We cannot, and I said this to you, we cannot get cocky. (19:17) Like we need to stay humble.(19:19) This Q3 like is potentially going to be volatile. (19:22) Like there's a lot of demand. (19:25) I'm very grateful.(19:26) Let's not fuck this up. (19:28) Right. (19:28) And you've gotten more opportunities in the last three months than like the first three years.(19:33) Right. (19:33) So, so just let's stay humble. (19:36) And the reason I'm saying that is because I want us both to stay at five amongst the success.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:42) Do you know what a, uh, maybe an important piece of this conversation would be? (19:46) What are the triggers that move you fastest? (19:50) So let's say you are, let's say you're at five, let's say you're at five.(19:56) What could put you up to 10 very quickly? (19:59) Is it health? (20:00) Is it wealth?(20:01) Is it love? (20:01) Is it, what is it? (20:02) Nice.(20:03) What can cut you down? (20:04) Just money for me. (20:05) We know that, right?(20:06) Like for me, it's, it's relationships that I think character assassination, incredibly important to understand because that's how you motivate yourself. (20:17) That's how you make sure you essentially are using your own necessity to your advantage. (20:23) I don't wanna say against you, but to your advantage in the dude, back in the day when I lost the client, I, I'd be done for the fucking day.(20:30) I need to go lay down.

Alan Lazaros

(20:31) I need to go. (20:32) It's so hard for me to hear that now. (20:34) I need to go lay down.(20:35) You got to go lay down a little bit. (20:36) I know I was losing a client. (20:38) One quarter you took 19 L's.(20:42) I lost so many clients. (20:44) So I don't think it was 19. (20:45) I think you got 19 in one quarter.(20:47) I remember that. (20:48) Q3 of like 2022, I think, or 2023, you got 19 clients and you just started losing them.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:56) I mean, that's the, I, I put more emphasis on the loss than I do the win. (21:01) And I remember we had a conversation. (21:02) I was like, dude, I don't, what the fuck's happening?(21:03) He said, Kev, you've got 19 clients. (21:06) Like not, they're not all going to stay.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:07) You lost five. (21:07) Yeah. (21:08) You're still, you're still up.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:09) I, I focus a ton on the loss. (21:12) Like that's, I over time. (21:15) Netting 14.(21:16) Netting 14. (21:16) That's all good. (21:18) I, over time have gotten to the point where I understand like, Kev, you're going to feel something.(21:23) It doesn't necessarily mean as much as you think it does. (21:26) It means something. (21:27) You can't, you can't be on the other end of like, well, fuck that.(21:29) Fuck you. (21:29) Fine. (21:30) I don't need you anyway.(21:31) Like, well, no, you do. (21:33) You do. (21:34) You don't maybe need them.(21:36) You know, you're not going to die. (21:38) Well, that's a 10.

Alan Lazaros

(21:39) That yes. (21:40) Right. (21:40) So a zero is you need them no matter what.(21:42) Yeah. (21:43) And a 10 is I don't need you at all. (21:45) It's like neither one is accurate.(21:46) Right. (21:47) Yeah. (21:47) Neither one is accurate.(21:48) Both of them are, are delusion just in the wrong direction. (21:50) It's, it is one of the most important success principles ever, ever is staying at five. (21:58) Yeah.(21:59) The Stoics, Stoicism is supposed to be that. (22:01) I think it's like, you don't, oh my God, we got a new client. (22:07) Let's party.(22:08) And it's like, yo, you should probably work on that client. (22:14) Right. (22:16) And you win the championship for sure.(22:19) Celebrate. (22:19) Absolutely. (22:20) But, but remember practice starts on Monday for the next year.(22:23) Right. (22:24) And, and that's just a good metaphor, but you also, when you're down and out, you need, you need to start small and build. (22:31) And yeah, when it feels like it's over, it's not.(22:36) And when it feels like it's you won, you didn't that you never fully lost and you never fully won because this is life.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:46) It takes time. (22:47) You don't, you don't think you know that until you have the experience.

Alan Lazaros

(22:51) I don't think you know. (22:54) Good. (22:55) No, no.(22:55) I, I, there's a, do you see, you saw the movies you saw the, uh, there's a two movies that were made about Apple and Steve Jobs and that whole thing with Wozniak and Steve and the whole thing. (23:07) I remember this vivid scene. (23:09) This is the one, not the one with, with Ashton Kutcher.(23:14) The other one. (23:14) I don't remember.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:15) I watched one and I was like, I don't know. (23:16) I mean, it was kind of shit. (23:17) You're like, which one did you watch?(23:18) And I was like this one. (23:19) You're like, oh, that wasn't the right one.

Alan Lazaros

(23:20) Yeah. (23:22) Uh, but yeah, maybe it was the one with Ashton Kutcher. (23:26) There's one specific scene.(23:27) Let me just explain it where they IPO initial public offering. (23:32) It means Apple was a privately held company and then basically everyone can invest. (23:37) So there's a certain number of shares and certain dollar per share.(23:41) It was the biggest IPO. (23:43) I think one of the biggest IPOs in history to date. (23:46) Okay.(23:47) And they were all, everyone at Apple was celebrating. (23:49) And I'll never forget this. (23:50) Cause I feel like this all the time.(23:54) Everyone's celebrating. (23:54) And Steve comes in to the office, just, just like, it's another day. (23:59) And everyone's like shaking his hand and yell and celebrate.(24:02) And it's like, and he's like, all right, all right. (24:04) There's work to do, you know? (24:06) Cause he doesn't give a shit.(24:07) He's like, let's focus on what built this. (24:11) Let's not celebrate. (24:12) Like it's over.(24:13) This is the beginning. (24:15) That's how I felt when you came back from Brenda Burchard. (24:17) It's like, brother, what the fuck are you celebrating?(24:20) What is this? (24:20) A participation trophy? (24:21) Congratulations, man.(24:23) I'm the man now. (24:24) And I know it's thank you. (24:27) It's brutal.(24:28) It's like, there's nothing to celebrate. (24:31) We're at the beginning of the beginning of the beginning and it's immature, but I get it. (24:37) I do.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:37) Yeah. (24:37) But I needed that.

Alan Lazaros

(24:38) That's the thing. (24:39) But you didn't need that. (24:41) You didn't come home feeling like the man.(24:44) You could have just been somewhat accurate. (24:46) Right? (24:47) No, no.(24:50) So you're just, no, just justifies it.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:54) Justifying. (24:54) I do think the benefits of that moment, at least again, not making excuses, but the benefits are good because now at least I know what it's like to swing. (25:02) And it's a very good story.(25:03) It might be the best example I have. (25:05) Nothing got broken. (25:06) Luckily because of it.(25:08) I was humbled very, I was humbled very quickly by our conversation like that. (25:12) Yeah. (25:12) No, I, I definitely, it could have been more optimal for sure.(25:15) Yes.

Alan Lazaros

(25:15) Yes. (25:15) Yes. (25:16) But I also think that this is what I hope lands because I just got to be candid here.(25:21) I don't think other people are going to catch it that quick, man. (25:24) We had a lot of vulnerability.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:26) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(25:26) What if I hadn't cried and you've been like, what the fuck is going on? (25:29) I still think that's not normal. (25:31) I still think it would have happened though.(25:32) It would have anyway with us, but dude, people ruin their own lives with this. (25:36) That's like, dude, if you come home from an event thinking you're the man that lasts sometimes for six months, nevermind six years, like people are very arrogant. (25:47) I, I, I get it.(25:49) I've been arrogant too, for sure. (25:51) I mean, hell yeah, but I don't get to stay arrogant that long. (25:55) Cause my goals crump like crush me very quickly.(25:58) We, we did a little exercise right before this, where I compared to someone from my hometown who reached out not long ago. (26:06) And I was like, I would feel great if that was my comparison set. (26:09) Like I would feel like such a winner, but I'm, I'm benchmarking against my goals.(26:13) So what you benchmark against, that's the best example. (26:17) We went to that event. (26:18) I benchmarked up against one of the best speakers on earth and you benchmarked against the audience.(26:24) And that's the best example where I left with and you left with thinking you're flying high, like the man we're good to go. (26:31) I don't know if you know this, but I spoke in front of damn near 40 people last week. (26:35) It's like, brother, I don't care.(26:37) Right. (26:37) And I'm part of the reason that happened is because of me. (26:40) So it's just, the whole thing is Jeff, you got to stay at five.(26:45) And I don't think anyone's really that good at staying at five, unless you know the concept and work on it every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:52) So yeah, you have to combat it. (26:54) Like I'm flying. (26:55) I said, uh, when did I say that?(26:56) I said this recently. (26:57) I said, I've been flying a little bit high. (26:58) I know it's coming.(26:59) I know something's coming. (27:00) Something's coming. (27:01) And let me, let me humble myself before that happens.(27:07) Let me, let me humble myself before that happens. (27:10) Cause I don't want, I don't know. (27:12) I don't think you can really win holistically unless you're close to five.(27:17) I agree with that. (27:18) Right. (27:18) Like we were both in agreement with that.(27:20) Yeah. (27:20) You can't win. (27:21) You can't win.(27:22) If you're under all the time, you're playing not to lose. (27:25) If you're over all the time, you're playing maybe to win more than you can actually win. (27:29) And it's just like you do, you have to find accuracy.(27:32) And I think that's why let's rephrase this.

Alan Lazaros

(27:36) You, you can't win in real life.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:38) Yes. (27:38) Yeah. (27:39) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(27:39) You can win. (27:40) Yeah. (27:40) You can win on the internet.(27:41) You can win in politics. (27:43) Like you can win in perception. (27:45) You can't win in real life.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:48) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(27:48) I mean, everyone think of someone who thinks they're the man, but their wife hates them. (27:56) All right. (27:57) That dude is arrogant and entitled.(27:58) Most likely, not always, but most likely that's a good, like they're not really winning. (28:03) They just look like they're winning. (28:05) And I think that that's a really important distinction because if you want to be healthy, wealthy, and in love, we, we have a someone in the past that I'll keep anonymous, but this dude was in hindsight, like quite, quite a loser, but he was very wealthy and he felt great about himself.(28:21) And it's like, why do you feel so good about yourself? (28:25) Like there's something off here. (28:28) You're not that good a person yet.(28:30) You think you're like amazing. (28:32) And there's something off about that. (28:35) You know, you're divorced.(28:36) Your kids don't really like you. (28:38) Yeah. (28:39) You're wealthy, but I wouldn't trade you.(28:42) You have got something messed up here. (28:44) You need to like humble yourself and like put yourself together and try to be a good man and then go be wealthy. (28:50) You know?

Kevin Palmieri

(28:51) Yeah. (28:51) Yeah. (28:52) But that's the thing is like the further you get stuck in a spot, the more of the opposite it takes to get you out of that.(28:59) So like we all know somebody that's like 10 out of 10 arrogant. (29:03) Good luck. (29:04) Good luck getting them out of that.

Alan Lazaros

(29:07) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:07) I don't even know if you can, I know it's probably not worth it, but this is why I like that. (29:11) The life or death, heavy, serious moments, they shake you and it's like, Holy shit. (29:16) What the hell am I doing?(29:17) What am I doing here? (29:18) Like there's one and we'll go. (29:20) Cause I know we're coming up on the time here, but if you don't believe in yourself at all, you almost die.(29:24) And it's like, there's nothing to lose. (29:25) I almost lost everything. (29:26) There's nothing to lose now.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:28) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:28) And if you're over, I don't know. (29:31) What is that?

Alan Lazaros

(29:32) If, if I don't know if you ever actually were over, so I don't know if it's a great example, but no, I was, I mean maybe not longterm, but in the moment for sure. (29:41) Reckless.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:41) So what is the, does it, is it, I should really harness and bottle this massive belief I have into something positive.

Alan Lazaros

(29:50) Yeah. (29:51) I was, I would say I was, I was immature and I want to give myself grace and I hope that this is someone else listening and like thinking about their own childhood too. (30:06) I think we were both immature.(30:10) I don't necessarily think any more or less immature than other kids. (30:15) However, I grew up in an environment that, that also lacked maturity and that definitely made it worse. (30:22) And, and I think that my level of belief could have been channeled in a much more constructive direction.(30:30) Seriously. (30:30) And I wish that I had had someone that I respected get through to me in a way that actually got through and the car accident got through to me. (30:41) And that was like the end of all nonsense.(30:44) Seriously. (30:44) Like that moment, 26 years old was the end of all bullshit. (30:49) Um, and then 30 and 40, I'm coming up on 40 in three years.(30:53) It's, it's less and less bullshit. (30:55) I mean, genuinely, I mean, from 26 to now, I, I've just exponentially everything that matters and nothing that doesn't is a quote that Emilia and I live by from when we first met, there was a couple at a wedding. (31:08) This is the night that I asked her to be with me.(31:09) And the couple at the wedding were married for 30 years and they were the last ones dancing on the dance floor or whatever for how long they were married. (31:16) And, uh, Emilia asked like, what's the secret? (31:19) You know?(31:19) And they said, everything that matters and nothing that doesn't. (31:22) And we were like, Oh, it's a nice quote. (31:24) We realized later they were blasted and we had fun in the elevator.(31:29) Um, I wasn't drinking that day, but they were hilarious. (31:31) But we also realized later they're not the best role models maybe, but everything that matters and nothing that doesn't to my point of this is get rid of all the nonsense because that humble pie is going to do it for you. (31:46) If you don't, I can take credit for a lot of stuff.(31:49) I can't take credit for the car The car accident woke me up. (31:54) I got my head out of my ass that day, dude, forever. (31:58) And it was like, all right, Alan, no more bullshit.(32:01) You, you got to get rid of these friends that suck. (32:04) You got to start focused on your goals and dreams. (32:06) You got to quit drinking alcohol.(32:07) You got to cut the shit. (32:09) Like it's game time. (32:10) And from that moment until now, 11 coming up on 12 years in November, I have eliminated as much nonsense as possible.

Kevin Palmieri

(32:21) Cool. (32:22) I think this is the best we've ever done. (32:23) The drive to five agreed.(32:25) We've done a lot of episodes on the drive to five or touching on the drive to five or explain at least five. (32:29) I would say at least five. (32:31) Yeah.(32:31) Maybe 50. (32:33) You believe, uh, in three episodes, we're going to record episode 2,500. (32:39) Yeah, man.(32:40) It's wild. (32:41) It's wild. (32:41) All right.(32:42) Cool. (32:42) One of the best ways to figure this out and to stay grounded is to have a coach, right? (32:47) If you're out there, I want you to be able to level set yourself.(32:50) I want you to be able to do that. (32:51) But if you already are there, or maybe you're like, honestly, I'd rather just have somebody help me with that. (32:56) Alan can help you reach out for coaching next level fitness accountability group.(33:00) One of the ways to feel better about yourself is to take better care of yourself and you will feel better about yourself. (33:05) Come get jacked with us. (33:06) We're crushing.(33:07) We're, uh, I don't know, what are we 15 days into the 10 pound and 10 week challenge is horrible thus far and continuing to get worse as it will. (33:16) But that's what we signed up for.

Alan Lazaros

(33:19) I mean, you want to say before we go, I didn't understand this and I want to give this last thing to go. (33:30) The more confident you are, the more you have to work on humility. (33:33) If you are level 10 confident, you need level 10 humility in the other direction.(33:37) And usually almost everyone is, is more one than the other. (33:41) Very few people are at five. (33:43) It's almost impossible to get to five, but you can work on it and get closer and closer.(33:48) And by the way, no one is fully at five. (33:50) And the moment you are, the game changes, you level up or level down. (33:54) You're going to get humble pie or, or confidence.(33:56) So you just have to keep tweaking this. (33:58) This is an infinite game. (33:59) It's it's, it happens every day, a little bit every day, just like I know you.

Kevin Palmieri

(34:03) All right. (34:03) As always, we love you. (34:04) Appreciate you.(34:05) Grateful for each and every one of you. (34:06) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow. (34:09) Cause we will be here every single day to help you get there.(34:12) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (34:15) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (34:19) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(34:21) We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (34:27) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes. (34:30) Thank you again.(34:31) And we will talk to you tomorrow.