The Thing That Kept You Safe Is Keeping You Unsuccessful (2501)

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The armor that protected you can limit who you become. In this episode, Kevin and Alan explore how approval-seeking, avoiding conflict, staying quiet, and relying too heavily on one strength can protect you early in life but create constraints later. Drawing on their leadership work, client patterns, and more than 2,500 personal development conversations, they show why self-awareness must come before meaningful change.

You will learn how to separate discomfort from misalignment, assess whether your decisions are driven by fear or values, and communicate hard truths without becoming careless with your words. Real growth requires more than repeating what worked before. It requires identifying the identity patterns that no longer serve your goals, relationships, and long-term potential.

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NLU is more than a podcast. From the Next Level Dreamliner to Group Coaching, we provide tools and communities to help you grow with more clarity, consistency, and accountability.

Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
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Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:01) The fear of being disliked
(7:43) Being respected versus being liked
(11:09) Discomfort Vs. Misalignment
(14:23) Using importance as a decision filter
(20:01) Speaking truth without causing unnecessary harm
(24:12) Why context and nuance matter
(28:04) When strengths become constraints
(32:56) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I am willing to bet that some of the things that kept you very safe when you were younger are literally the same exact things that are holding you back from the level of success that you desire.

Alan Lazaros

(0:12) What got you here won't necessarily get you there in terms of your future goals. (0:17) Some of it you have to keep, some of it you have to overcome a deeper fear you might not have realized you had. (0:23) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:25) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:27) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:30) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:37) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:43) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:59) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:06) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:12) Back to the nation today for episode number 2,501. (1:15) The thing that kept you safe is keeping you unsuccessful. (1:18) If you have noticed any shift in me over the last two episodes, I am working on my fear of being disliked.(1:26) And that stemmed from a conversation that Alan and I had. (1:30) And essentially what we got down to was for most of my life, and again, you take this with a grain of salt, we can talk about it. (1:37) For most of my life, I didn't have a ton of shining skills, I think would be maybe how I would define it.(1:47) I wasn't like the obvious pick for anything. (1:51) And the fact that people liked me got me a lot of opportunities that I don't think I would have gotten if those people didn't like me. (1:57) So what we're figuring out is the being liked thing and the fear of not being liked, when I was younger, that got me in a lot of places.(2:07) Today, it's probably holding me back because what am I not willing to say? (2:12) What am I not willing to stand for? (2:14) What am I not willing to give feedback on?(2:16) What am I not willing to be courageous with? (2:17) All of that shit is obviously the place I need to work. (2:21) And when you look back, you only see the benefits.(2:26) I don't know if you said, Hey, I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can find one thing that was a downside of you being liked when you were younger. (2:35) I don't know if I could find one. (2:37) So it's that weird.(2:39) It's that weird conversation of to Alan's point, what got you here is not going to get you to the next level, but it's going to feel very strange to stop doing and, or go against the current with the things that got you here in the first place. (2:51) Cause it feels very natural to you at this point. (2:53) And it doesn't feel natural for me to risk being liked.(2:56) It doesn't feel safe for me.

Alan Lazaros

(3:01) So I was thinking about where we should go in this. (3:03) And you posted a video about the 2,500 episodes. (3:10) And you said the opening of the video, you said something along the lines of next time you have an idea, give it a decade or else I don't want to hear it.(3:22) And hardcore opening that I don't think you would have done in the past.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:26) That's why I said, if you're not, if you notice a difference is because I'm trying to, because in my mind, I could see how many people would see that video and be like, Oh, what a fucking dick. (3:37) Yeah, for sure. (3:38) I can see, like, I can see that.

Alan Lazaros

(3:40) I think you made it very clear. (3:42) Well, yeah. (3:43) If you have outrageous goals, it's going to require an outrageous amount of time.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:47) Like you said it well, I think you said, well, I also said that part like 10 times. (3:50) Yeah. (3:52) But I'm, I'm working through it.(3:54) Like that's the, that's the pieces. (3:55) How hard is it for you to keep it up? (3:57) Oh no, it's done.(3:58) I don't, that's fine. (3:59) Okay. (4:00) Yeah.(4:00) Yeah. (4:01) I don't, I'm weird with that stuff, man. (4:02) Like, I don't know if I've ever posted something and then been like, Oh, I need to take that.(4:05) I don't know if that's ever happened. (4:06) Once I post it, it's there.

Alan Lazaros

(4:08) I don't, whatever. (4:09) I'll move on. (4:10) You also mentioned you feel safer here to talk about that stuff.(4:13) Is it because this is next level university?

Kevin Palmieri

(4:16) I think it's because I have an idea of who is watching and listening. (4:22) We're on theory. (4:23) You don't, I know.(4:25) I know. (4:26) But from a safety perspective, I mean, do you think about it this way? (4:29) I don't know.(4:29) I probably have more podcast episodes than I do. (4:35) Social media. (4:36) Is that true?(4:37) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(4:38) Maybe. (4:39) What do we got? (4:40) Let's, let's get some data.(4:41) Let me take a gander. (4:42) I definitely have more posts. (4:44) I have 3,504 posts on Instagram.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:48) You have more posts than I do. (4:49) I have 2,884. (4:52) Yeah.(4:52) So I have more podcast episodes that I have social media posts.

Alan Lazaros

(4:55) Yeah. (4:56) I think the frame and I could be wrong, but you tell me, is it because what I've noticed about you is that the stage that you set dictates, like when we changed from health, wealth, and love to fitness, finance, and family, you shifted a little. (5:15) I don't shift that much based on the episode topic or like the, I want the podcast to be a by-product of me.(5:23) I don't want me to be a by-product of the podcast. (5:27) And so we're switching back to health, wealth, and love, by the way, to be healthier, wealthier, and more in love. (5:31) Yes.(5:32) We've, we're experimenting. (5:33) It's all good. (5:34) Health, wealth, and love.(5:35) Love it. (5:36) Pun intended. (5:37) But I've noticed that the frame that is set dictates how you operate.(5:43) For sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(5:44) Okay. (5:44) The audience, I am very audience dependent. (5:50) Yeah.(5:50) I want to make sure I'm getting whatever topic I'm talking about to land. (5:57) Why? (5:58) Because if it's useless to me, if it doesn't, like, what the fuck am I doing then?(6:04) Like, why am I doing this? (6:05) It's useless to you? (6:07) Yeah.(6:07) It's useless to me. (6:08) Like it's not, if the purpose for me is to add value. (6:11) Of course.(6:12) And you think you can't add value and without being on the top? (6:14) No, no, I don't necessarily. (6:16) That's something I'm, I think I'm unconditioning, but like, we, we've talked about this before when we used to have guests on, I never ever, ever, almost ever asked the guests something that I didn't know about them already.(6:27) My goal, my job, my intention was always to take something that the audience wouldn't know and then find a way to get the guests to say it.

Alan Lazaros

(6:35) So again, and then we were told in the past, scratch your own itch. (6:40) Again, I don't think there's a right, there's no one right way. (6:42) Yeah, for sure.(6:43) I just want you and I to have a discussion about your core here, which is the fear. (6:48) The core fear here is being disliked. (6:52) Do you think going outside of alignment with what people expect causes people to dislike you?(6:59) I think, Whoa, I think it can.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:01) Yeah. (7:01) I'm doing that all the time. (7:03) Yeah, for sure.(7:04) Oh yeah. (7:05) Yeah. (7:05) Yeah.(7:06) And I think we're in a very weird situation and I love that we get to like talk about this stuff where I'm, I'm in a weird situation because we're in a weird situation because I have a front row seat to see what it is like when somebody is not super liked for being themselves. (7:20) Now you're more liked, I think, than you have been because I think you're really owning it now, which makes no sense to me, but I'm grateful. (7:28) Yeah.(7:28) It's weird.

Alan Lazaros

(7:29) When I was concerned about being disliked, which I still am, but not, I'm not letting it run me as much. (7:35) I was more disliked somehow. (7:37) And these fears perpetuate themselves.(7:38) So I do understand that. (7:40) I just don't, it's weird. (7:42) The whole thing's weird.(7:43) It is a little weird. (7:44) And so I, and this whole thing, just to provide a little more context, if Kevin wants to be the business owner that he aspires to be and achieve his goals, he needs to lean into who he is and his beliefs. (7:58) And, and for lack of better phrasing, pick a fucking side, like plant your flag somewhere, stand for something, which means you're going to be disliked by the people who stand for the opposite thing.(8:08) And I'm glad that you're doing that. (8:11) And I also think you're still going to be on both sides of the coin. (8:14) I think you want to show both sides of the coin.(8:15) I think there's value in that too. (8:17) You're not going to change everything. (8:17) You're not going to suddenly be some like strict one ideology identity man.(8:22) Like you're still going to be a three-dimensional human being. (8:24) However, we talked about being liked versus being respected. (8:28) And in the coaching session with you, I challenged you to this.(8:33) I think everyone has to, you need both of course, but your syntax matters. (8:43) So somewhere along the lines, I think this was like probably 2023. (8:50) It's a really bad couple of years for me, for my heart, uh, team members, just leadership challenges.(8:57) Didn't know what the, it was not, it was not good for me. (9:03) And somewhere in that, I realized, Alan, this trying to get approval thing is never working anyway. (9:13) Like you're not getting approval, like to an alarming extent, even though you're trying to be the best human being you can possibly be like effort, boom, unbelievable amounts of effort I've put into trying to be a good leader, trying to be a good person.(9:27) I mean, unbelievable. (9:28) It doesn't matter. (9:29) It's not working.(9:30) Just be who you really are. (9:32) All of who you really are, because you know, you're a good person and you know that that's what people need, even if it's not necessarily, even if it's an acquired taste. (9:43) And so what I've accepted inside of me is that I am, I am more tolerated than I am celebrated.(9:49) And the upside to being in my life outweighs the downside of me being the pain in the ass that you hopefully thank one day by having the highest fucking standards ever. (10:00) So the syntax I had to flip trying to be liked with, I have to put being fully me first, which I think will gain respect, even if I'm not liked by certain people. (10:13) And I think that I challenge your thought process because you were under the impression that today being liked has helped you be successful for sure.(10:21) And it definitely has for sure. (10:24) But, but we don't know what the opposite syntax would have done because typically when you and I walk in a room, not always, but typically I'm the one more respected and tolerated. (10:34) You're the one more liked and fun and funny and warm and loving.(10:36) And you're the friend that I'm the coach. (10:38) No one likes a coachy person, except I'm a fucking coach. (10:42) So it kind of gives me permission.(10:44) Hello. (10:45) That's why I started saying I'm a coach who tolerates podcasting. (10:49) Kevin is a podcaster who tolerates coaching.(10:52) And my point of this whole thing is everyone has a core fear that they're going to have to face and accept at least to some extent. (11:00) It doesn't mean you have to go around trying to be disliked, but you can't shell up who you really are and who you're growing into out of your fear of being disliked.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:09) I have some video ideas that I want to do that are like on the cusp of, I think for me, it's just like figure out what is, there's a drastic difference between being uncomfortable and being out of alignment. (11:21) Those are two very, very, very different things. (11:23) Very great.(11:24) The spectrum of that is very big depending on who you are. (11:28) So for me, I'm just trying to recondition myself. (11:32) That's part one.(11:33) And then part two, the other thing now is like, I'm looking at so many interactions I've had where anytime now I say I'm just low maintenance, I'm like, am I though? (11:44) Am I low maintenance or am I just like not willing to give feedback towards something that I'm afraid somebody's going to get mad at me for? (11:53) And it's just easier to fucking bite the bullet on it.(11:54) It's like, whatever. (11:56) Right? (11:56) Like, well, you know, I was really hoping to have a cheeseburger and this is a baked potato, but I also loved baked potatoes.(12:04) I do. (12:04) I'm a fan of them. (12:05) So you know what?(12:06) Honestly, better macros. (12:07) Anyway, this will be fun. (12:08) You could overdo that too.

Alan Lazaros

(12:09) You and I have been with people, uh, in the past, not with them, but around them where it's like, you know, and it's like, listen, I don't want to be that.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:19) It's like, I know there's a big, but you're nowhere near entitled. (12:22) I know, but it doesn't, you don't know. (12:24) It's sometimes it's one of my biggest fears is like being the guy that I villainized.(12:29) I don't ever want to be that dude.

Alan Lazaros

(12:32) I see you. (12:33) And the fact that you are worried about being that dude, it means I'm not worried about you being, I know, but aren't the other dudes worried about being the dude too? (12:41) The people who are actually a prick, they aren't really concerned about being a prick.(12:47) Honestly, that's what I've found. (12:49) It's such a paradox. (12:50) It's like the people that are worried about being arrogant.(12:53) You don't have to worry. (12:54) You're worried. (12:55) That's so weird.(12:56) It is weird. (12:57) I am worried about coming off arrogant and, and hopefully that's why I don't have to worry so much. (13:03) Whereas the people that aren't worried at all, I'm humble as shit.(13:06) Those people should be concerned. (13:08) It's such a paradox.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:09) And I, well, isn't that the layer that we're all trying to get to anyway, is like, it honestly, it doesn't really matter to some people. (13:17) You're going to be arrogant. (13:18) It doesn't matter.

Alan Lazaros

(13:19) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:20) I did a, I did a video on Instagram the other day and I was talking about how you can either look good or be good. (13:26) Yeah. (13:26) Essentially.(13:27) And of course, like one person commented and it was like, ah, no, if I see a dude in the, in the gym bench 405 and fail, like I still have a lot of respect for him. (13:38) And like, that's a win. (13:39) It's like, well, that's a very, very, very, very, very specific thing in that case.(13:44) Like, yeah, I understand what you're saying. (13:46) Yeah. (13:46) Yeah.(13:46) Same. (13:47) And he still looks worse than the dude repping out 350. (13:50) That's what I was going to say is like that dude could probably hit 365 for a set of four.(13:54) He'd look better. (13:55) Then somebody having to run over there and pull the fucking weight off. (13:58) Like, I respect it too.(14:01) I respect it too. (14:02) But I also have a very high awareness of what that means. (14:04) So, but even in that example, like that person might think I'm a fucking idiot.(14:09) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(14:09) They might think I'm a fucking idiot, but this is the hard part about this. (14:16) He doesn't understand. (14:17) Well, and it doesn't matter and it doesn't matter.(14:20) Let me say this. (14:21) So let me jump in now. (14:23) So, so what is your criteria?(14:25) Cause my Allen version 3.7 about to be 3.8 in November. (14:30) This is my new criteria for whether or not I do something. (14:33) It is this simple.(14:34) I've tried my best to simplify it. (14:36) Do I believe it's important? (14:39) Not do I want to not, am I going to get respect?(14:42) Not, is it going to bring success? (14:44) Do I believe this is important? (14:47) The conscious couples podcast with Amelia is way outside my comfort zone.(14:51) Way more than this. (14:52) I love success and peak performance and leadership and effective communication and goals and metrics and habits and KPIs. (15:00) Like this is, I love this baby.(15:01) I live for this. (15:02) This is my jam. (15:03) This is my bread and butter relationships.(15:07) No, not at all. (15:10) And on top of that, Amelia and I are walking this interesting. (15:14) If you're out there listening, just imagine doing a podcast with your intimate partner, where you're talking about intimacy and love and humility, courage, and vulnerability.(15:25) And you're talking about how to grow together, not apart. (15:29) It's unbelievably difficult. (15:32) And you're sharing intimate details of your life.(15:35) It's like, I think people sometimes underestimate how fucking hard this is. (15:40) And again, of course, everybody does unless they're doing it. (15:43) And they're like, holy shit, this is a whole thing.(15:45) But anyways, so my point of this is my criteria is I have to believe it's important. (15:50) Most of the episodes we do at the conscious couples podcast and relationship talks events that we do, we had our 61st event 61 months in a row. (15:58) I don't really want to do meaning.(16:01) I don't, I'm not like, yay. (16:03) I'm so excited to reveal that and talk about that thing. (16:07) I think it's important though.(16:09) So we're going to do it. (16:10) So Amelia and I realized before we do an episode, if it's, if it's going to be exceptional, it has to be something that we both believe is deeply important. (16:19) Even if we don't really like it or want to talk about it.(16:22) So for example, personalization, I'm not interested. (16:25) I don't really care, but I do believe it's really important. (16:28) People who don't know that they're personalizing everything in their relationship.(16:32) And they're just burning their relationship to the ground regularly by their own narcissistic horse shit, like defining personalization will help them tremendously. (16:40) And I was being a little playful but ultimately that's my criteria. (16:46) You don't have to like me.(16:47) You don't even have to respect me. (16:48) I have to be honest as much as humanly possible. (16:53) I have to give both sides of the coin to the best of my ability.(16:56) And I have to believe that it's important to say important to who the world. (17:02) Yeah. (17:03) Like, like be the change I wish to see in the world.(17:05) That is literally the best one criteria for whether or not I'm in alignment with my best self is like, if I can say, all right, that was a little, maybe interpreted wrong, or maybe out of context, or maybe I shouldn't have sworn at that kid at the event. (17:21) I'm joking. (17:23) Like, was I trying to be the change I wish to see in the world?(17:28) Because I get very intense and sometimes I swear and it's like, ah, I probably could have said that nicer, you know, but at least I know that I was trying to be the change I wish to see in the world. (17:38) That for me is my anchor. (17:40) I think for me, it's like, I just want to make myself proud.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:43) Like I ever, when I I don't, I don't know. (17:49) I don't know. (17:50) I don't know.(17:50) Like what the measure, it's a feeling man. (17:54) It's a feeling.

Alan Lazaros

(17:57) That's what I got. (17:59) Okay. (17:59) Well, when are you not proud when I'm a, an asshole or I'm a dickhead or insert, give an example, right?(18:08) Like, on that video, do you feel like you were an asshole or a dickhead? (18:12) No, no, no, no, no. (18:13) Why is it so uncomfortable?

Kevin Palmieri

(18:16) It's not, now that it's done, it's not. (18:19) I've moved in, in the process. (18:21) It was like, I don't know, man.(18:22) You know, when you do a video, it crosses a certain threshold where it's like, it's been like a minute. (18:29) I'm either going to keep going or like, I'm just going to throw this in the trash. (18:33) And very rarely I can, I mean, those videos I hit play and put my phone up and just go like, I don't, there's very little thought that goes, it's just like, ah, this is what I want to talk about.(18:42) I'm going to talk about it, whatever. (18:44) So it's more just, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(18:45) I'm trying to are you filtering it through? (18:49) What's the filter for me? (18:51) It's, it's important for someone to hear this.(18:54) Even if they take it wrong, I think if they really thought about it, they'd see that I'm actually trying to help them reach their potential and like be successful. (19:03) And that's a piece. (19:04) Yeah.(19:04) I think it's, it's true.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:06) It's, um, truth that is, what's the word I'm looking for? (19:09) Not constructive. (19:10) No, not cultivated.(19:13) Uh, like, uh, if I was going to make a playlist of songs that I knew you like curated, curated, you never get that word, brother. (19:21) There are certain words. (19:22) I just can't cultivate it.(19:23) At least I had the episodes at least four or five times. (19:27) I've told you that there are certain words that I just, they elude me. (19:31) It's like, I'm, it's not in my vocabulary.(19:33) I know, I know how to spell it. (19:35) And I know exactly, you know how you have a playlist, but my examples are good. (19:40) Like usually I want, what is the word again?(19:44) Curated, curated. (19:45) I want to curate ideas that I believe are very accurate based on experience awareness and the scientific method for lack of better phrasing, for lack of better phrasing. (19:59) We're super aligned in that.(20:01) Yeah. (20:01) We're super. (20:01) I just think your pain comes from being under in your truth.(20:08) Probably definitely mine comes from being over in my truth and my past. (20:12) And I just never course corrected.

Alan Lazaros

(20:16) What were you over in? (20:18) Yeah, for me, it's definitely like, I'm going to give a very brash example. (20:23) Get your fucking shit together.(20:25) You lazy bastard. (20:27) Like that. (20:28) Some people need to hear that.(20:30) Like that would ignite me. (20:32) It's like, that is exactly what you need to hear. (20:34) You can't just validate yourself all the time.(20:36) Now, some people, you don't need to hear that. (20:38) That's not constructive, but I believe there is a place for that. (20:43) There, there's, there needs to like take life more seriously.(20:47) Holy hell. (20:48) Like it's all going to work out. (20:50) No, it's not.(20:51) It's definitely not statistically. (20:52) It's not. (20:54) So, so again, that intensity, I usually dial that down to a reasonable level because I don't want to be the like little league coach yelling at the seven-year-old.(21:04) Now that's a metaphor. (21:06) Obviously you're not seven, if you're listening, hopefully, but I, I, I dial the intensity to what I believe is appropriate for the audience. (21:15) And usually I was way under what I really wanted to fucking say.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:21) Yeah. (21:21) I think I, I don't know when I was younger, I think I just like would jump off the handle and just say shit. (21:29) I regret it.(21:31) Really? (21:32) Yeah, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(21:34) I didn't know that. (21:36) This is good.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:37) Sure.

Alan Lazaros

(21:38) Can I get an example of this brother?

Kevin Palmieri

(21:40) I'll never forget this. (21:41) Oh my God, this is going to be brutal. (21:45) This is the good stuff right now.(21:46) It's this is brutal. (21:48) 21st birthday. (21:49) Yeah.(21:50) So drunk. (21:51) Yeah. (21:52) So drunk.(21:53) We went somewhere and then we went back home and then I was like, ah, fuck it. (21:57) I'm going to go down to a Cappy's. (21:59) Yeah.(21:59) Which is the local watering hole where and I got into an argument with my mom and I, at some, I don't know what it was. (22:09) She's like, you really shouldn't go like you're drunk. (22:11) And I said something about, yeah, I'll find a fucking father around who, you know, could help me.(22:15) I said some dumb shit, some dumb shit. (22:19) Kev, you put that, you can't put that back in the bag. (22:23) That's out now.(22:24) So I think there's certain things that like, I just wouldn't think before I said certain things. (22:31) Yeah. (22:31) You had shame.

Alan Lazaros

(22:32) Oh, for sure. (22:33) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:33) Shame. (22:34) For sure. (22:35) The, the things I have the most shame around are the times where I didn't think about what I was saying.(22:40) I don't have, I don't know if I have any shame around, like, ah, that was a really well thought out idea. (22:44) It just didn't work. (22:44) Like, no, fuck no.(22:46) Good. (22:46) Like, Oh, good try. (22:47) Yeah.(22:48) It's the ones where somebody says something and you feel it boiling up. (22:51) It's like, okay. (22:52) All right.(22:53) Oh, you want to do it? (22:54) You want to do it? (22:55) Okay.(22:56) What are your feelings? (22:57) I don't, I don't ever, don't ever want to do that. (22:59) So I think that's the piece of it for me is like, how many times do you think that's happened?(23:03) Not everyone has those, dude. (23:04) Yeah. (23:04) But those are the things I remember.(23:07) I remember like, there's something about that for me. (23:09) Again, I always, I'll never forget the getting wine drunk. (23:12) And so it's, it's hurting someone unnecessarily.(23:14) Right. (23:15) Is that what it is? (23:17) Hurting someone unnecessarily with something I should be able to control far better.(23:22) And I believe that about my words. (23:24) I believe that I should be able to take something extremely complex, extremely complex, find a way to communicate it effectively and digestively to anybody. (23:36) Like that is a firm belief I have.(23:38) Nice. (23:39) Now, maybe it's not though. (23:41) Maybe it's not.(23:41) No, no, you're, you're definitely good.

Alan Lazaros

(23:43) But like, I want to take strong. (23:46) The video I heard earlier, there was the moment. (23:49) It's like, good.(23:50) Well, I appreciate it for you. (23:51) The moment for me is like when someone's in their genius zone and they're doing something extraordinarily well. (23:59) I look for those moments, dude.(24:01) I live for those moments. (24:03) Those are awesome. (24:04) But I think that's me fully aligned.(24:06) I don't even think I ever liked sports. (24:08) I just liked those moments where it's like, that is unbelievable. (24:11) Right.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:12) Well, it's easier to have, it's easier to have speaking than it is running on the football field every, every week. (24:17) I'm sure it depends. (24:18) Right.(24:18) I just, for me, that feels when I get done with a video like that, it feels right. (24:23) It's like, that was really good. (24:25) I helped people raise the stakes and I, I was very honest about this journey and what this journey has taken, but I also want to make sure, I don't know the content that always fucks with me is that there's no context and there's no nuance.

Alan Lazaros

(24:39) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(24:39) And I just think that's unbelievably important. (24:42) I do. (24:43) Yeah.(24:43) I come in with those, but you know, I try to provide context, but sometimes it's hard. (24:48) Sometimes you just got to give it. (24:49) I know.(24:50) Brother, did you end up doing the archetypes yet? (24:52) No, I've not done them yet.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:53) I think we should do a full episode on them.

Alan Lazaros

(24:55) I would love to. (24:56) So let me give a little quick story about it. (24:58) So next episode, we'll do this.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:00) I was like, fuck it. (25:01) Fuck up the next episode right now in advance.

Alan Lazaros

(25:04) How dare you? (25:06) I went to LA in my early twenties to work in show business, drove across the country, had to come home to handle family things. (25:22) I had a friend who lived in LA for who I went out there with.(25:26) He lived there for five, six, seven years, something like that. (25:29) And when he would come home on the holidays or whatever, he would bring, he took acting classes. (25:34) So he would bring back lessons.(25:35) And I was always digging. (25:37) I want to understand acting. (25:39) I want to understand why it works the way it does.(25:40) I've always been a big fan of movies, film. (25:43) Kevin asked me one time, what's the difference between movies and film? (25:46) How pretentious you are about film.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:50) The dickhead explaining it.

Alan Lazaros

(25:52) The truth is, man, movies are entertaining. (25:55) Films are life fucking changing. (25:57) Did you see the Odyssey yet?(25:58) No, not yet. (25:59) Not yet. (25:59) I am excited and here's why.(26:03) I like that they filmed it all real life, like no green screens. (26:09) I am kind of sick. (26:11) Call me old school.(26:12) CGI has ruined cinema to such an alarming extent. (26:17) The Lord of the Rings miniatures and all that, we're not going to get into it. (26:19) The point is, dude, it's all real.(26:22) And I just will be able to tell. (26:23) The amount of fake horse shit on the internet lately, I want to be immersed in real life. (26:28) And I think it'll become more valuable.(26:29) So good for Christopher Nolan for doing it all in real water with real ships and real people. (26:34) I mean, it's alarming that we even have to say that, but that's the reality. (26:37) Okay.(26:38) My point of this is this acting class had required reading. (26:43) And in the required reading, I don't remember the name of the book. (26:45) I'll look it up, figure it out at some point.(26:47) But there were these 12 archetypes of the human condition. (26:51) Okay. (26:52) One of them I remember, because we went through the book and he's like, you're the fucking warrior.(26:57) And I went through them and I was like, yes, absolutely. (27:01) And I sent it to Kev because I'm trying to help him find himself as you can tell. (27:06) And, uh, I don't know what you put for the warrior, but I had you rate them from zero to 10.(27:13) I haven't yet. (27:14) You haven't done it yet. (27:15) No, no, no, no.(27:16) Okay. (27:17) One of them is the jester. (27:19) And I know for sure you're going to be high on that.(27:21) Okay. (27:21) So there's the innocent, the orphan, the warrior, the caregiver, the explorer, the rebel, the lover, the creator, the jester, the sage, the magician, the ruler. (27:31) These, we all have all 12, obviously.(27:34) These are also from film. (27:35) Like you're going to books, film, storytelling. (27:39) Like these are obviously archetypes of different versions of yourself.(27:44) So the warrior seeks mastery, courage, discipline, and victory. (27:47) And the warrior is very intense. (27:49) And I'm, I'm way more of a warrior than you're like, I'm super intense all the time, but you have a warrior too.(27:54) I've seen it.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:55) I've seen it in the gym places.

Alan Lazaros

(27:56) Yeah. (27:57) I've seen it. (27:58) And so we all need to understand ourselves.(28:01) So, so we'll do an episode on it. (28:03) I'm excited.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:04) I'm excited. (28:04) So the last thing before we get out of here, whether your thing was the fear of being disliked, whether your thing was the fear of shining, whether you had to be quiet, whether you had to be loud with whatever that probably is holding you back in some way, shape, or form. (28:22) I'm not saying you can't be successful if you don't change it.(28:24) I just don't think you'll be successful or you won't be as well-rounded or you won't be as fulfilled or whatever. (28:29) Your relationships won't be as good. (28:31) One of our clients works with very high achieving men who are incredible at external success, but atrocious at relationships.(28:42) What got them success. (28:44) I mean, we're talking many, many, many, many, many millions of dollars is not serving them in their personal lives.

Alan Lazaros

(28:51) Yeah, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:52) And a lot of them are in their fifties and they said, like, just use the warrior with everything. (28:57) Well, that's, but I think when you get rewarded for it and that's what feels safe. (29:01) Yeah.(29:02) I mean, how many, how many gym bros do I know back in the day who like were really good at fitness and, but that was it. (29:08) Like they just carried that over to everything that they did. (29:10) Yeah.(29:10) A hundred percent. (29:11) So whatever that is for you, this is a moment of self-awareness. (29:13) I'm obviously working through the fear of being disliked, even talking about it.(29:16) It's like, ah, fuck, you're probably not going to like me for talking about it, but that's something I'm working through. (29:20) Right. (29:20) I'm working through that in real time.(29:22) And then luckily, hopefully for most of you, you don't have to do it in a public medium. (29:25) So it should be a little bit easier to dig in. (29:28) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(29:28) I think most people are afraid of being disliked. (29:31) I understand they were honest with themselves. (29:33) I, I can't stand it.(29:35) I fucking hate it. (29:36) I am willing. (29:40) I'm, I would rather say courageously what I really believe in and be disliked than not live a life of meaning and purpose and alignment with my, my highest self.(29:56) Now, I also have been considering swearing a lot less, but I, I also don't know if I want to, I'm still working through that. (30:01) That's, that's what my, because I'm thinking to myself, I can't tell if swearing is just because of where I grew up or if it's because I really want to points. (30:15) And I think that I seem less sophisticated when I swear, but I also don't know if I want to get rid of it yet.(30:22) So anyways, just in real time, Kevin and I are not talking from the mountain. (30:25) We're climbing our own metaphorical mountain with you. (30:28) I think that I like that about our show.(30:29) Now it definitely makes it harder in some ways, because I think some of these podcasters are just pretending to be like, for sure. (30:40) I mean, even people out of shape talking fitness, it's been hard for me to witness. (30:43) It's like, guys, you got, neither one of you should be talking fitness right now.(30:47) I mean, what are we doing? (30:49) And you and I on this podcast, you're on the growth journey with us on the train with us. (30:53) We're not there.(30:54) We're striving, never arriving. (30:55) I think arriving is BS. (30:58) I really do.(30:59) It doesn't mean you can't be a guide. (31:00) It doesn't mean I'm not ahead of where I was at 27, but I'm not done.

Alan Lazaros

(31:04) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:05) Well, that's the difference, right? (31:06) Is, and again, I mean this humbly. (31:08) I don't mean this in a negative way.(31:09) I'm doing as much, if not more work than you out there on myself, but I'm, and I'm willing to talk about it openly that I'm not past the point of like, Oh yeah. (31:17) I remember when I struggled with insert thing here. (31:19) It's like, no, that doesn't know.(31:21) It's going to be like that forever.

Alan Lazaros

(31:23) Yeah. (31:23) I don't think we'll ever not struggle with this to some extent.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:26) It'll be like that.

Alan Lazaros

(31:26) Be the same for sure. (31:27) It'll be less and less and less for sure. (31:29) And then other constraints will come up.(31:31) Yeah, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(31:32) All right, cool. (31:32) If you're looking for a coach to help you with this stuff, the internal stuff, the external stuff, success metrics, habits, all that happy limiting beliefs, identities that are no longer serving you to reach out to Alan. (31:41) He can help you.(31:42) And if one of the things that is keeping you safe is playing small, when it comes to fitness, we have the free WhatsApp group, next level fitness accountability. (31:49) We're in there every day. (31:50) There are people crushing it.(31:51) It's a safe place to maybe be the most consistent you've ever been when it comes to fitness and be in a group of people that you can actually shine. (31:59) You can actually lift other people up. (32:02) You could just be yourself.(32:03) That's what we all want. (32:04) Deeply, deeply, deeply.

Alan Lazaros

(32:06) At the end of the day, I just got yesterday, very excited. (32:09) My 40th client shout out to Eugene. (32:12) And I do believe at this moment that I can get 50 and not have the quality of the coaching take a hit.(32:21) And the reason why I believe that is because I have a team of 25 people that are helping me do everything else. (32:27) So if you need someone, this is my promise. (32:30) If you need someone to help you set optimal goals, big enough to matter, small enough to hit and reverse engineer them with math and engineering principles, inputs, outputs, measure, adjust with your identity in the center, I'm your guy.(32:45) I will not sugarcoat anything. (32:47) Do not do coaching with me unless you want harsh feedback that is necessary to target the constraint towards your goals and dreams.

Kevin Palmieri

(32:56) As always, we love you. (32:57) Appreciate you. (32:58) Grateful for each and every one of you.(32:59) If are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(33:05) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(33:08) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (33:12) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(33:15) We mean it when we say family. (33:17) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (33:20) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(33:23) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.