How Much Of Change Is Internal? (2513)

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Change is usually internal before it becomes visible. Most people notice the outcome, but they miss the thinking, planning, self-awareness, and repeated decisions that created it. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan dig into why meaningful progress is often invisible before it becomes measurable.

Using Kevin’s current nutrition challenge and Alan’s experience coaching clients and studying high performers, they examine the choices beneath visible success. Learn why results are rarely accidental, how beliefs shape your decisions, and what it takes to build lasting change through intentional action.

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Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:13) Why lasting change begins internally
(4:31) Study the habits behind success
(9:32) The invisible work behind progress
(13:48) Beliefs shape your daily decisions
(17:08) Feedback and intentionality drive growth
(19:50) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I think some of the biggest shifts, the biggest accomplishments start incredibly small, almost invisibly. (0:08) And if you don't know the person that well, you're not even going to notice they're doing anything different than they've done before.

Alan Lazaros

(0:15) Think of a dream or a goal that you've accomplished. (0:17) It was at one point, just a dream, just a goal, just a thought. (0:21) How long did it take you to achieve it?(0:23) And for how long was it invisible behind the scenes?

Kevin Palmieri

(0:26) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:29) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:31) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros.(0:34) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:41) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:47) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(1:03) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:10) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:15) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,513, how much of change is internal? (1:21) All right, I had a moment today. (1:24) So last weekend, it was my mother-in-law's 70th birthday, went away for the weekend to Mystic, Connecticut.(1:31) I had been to Mystic as a young child because they have evidently a world-class aquarium, Mystic Aquarium. (1:37) Now, fuck aquariums, fuck zoos, I ain't about that life, that ain't it for me, that ain't it for me, fuck that. (1:44) But I was thinking today, I am right on schedule with my diet.(1:49) I weighed in today at 170, please hold, let me check, I have to be accurate. (1:54) I'm going to be the second most honest man on the planet.

Alan Lazaros

(1:57) From July 1st to September 8th, the 10 pounds in 10-week challenge, we have 30 of you with us, 30 Next Level challengers, and hopefully you're all still with us because that drop-off we talked about in the last episode definitely happens with these challenges. (2:13) 100%.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:13) I weighed in at 173.8. I started at 178, so I'm down 4.2 pounds. (2:20) Right on schedule.

Alan Lazaros

(2:21) Yep.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:22) For four weeks, 4.2 pounds. (2:24) Perfect. (2:25) Perfect.(2:25) Technically, we're a little more than four weeks, but it's all good. (2:27) You're doing well. (2:29) Yeah.(2:30) Well, we're probably 4.2 weeks in. (2:33) I'm 4.2 pounds, baby.

Alan Lazaros

(2:35) Do you want to know the number? (2:36) Yeah, let's do it. (2:37) Hey, Alexa, how many days until September 8th?

Alan Lazaros

(2:44) Yeah, 38 days until September 8th.

Alan Lazaros

(2:46) That's alarming. (2:48) 5.4. 5.4 what? (2:51) Minus 10.(2:52) Hold on, hold on, minus 10. (2:53) You should be 4.5 pounds down, good sir. (2:56) Yeah, so in my mind, I'm right on.(3:00) Right on. (3:01) Right on-ish, right on-ish. (3:04) Yeah, right with a small percent error.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:07) The 10th most honest man on the planet. (3:09) Let me bump you down. (3:11) The whole point though, we went away.(3:14) We had breakfast. (3:19) I had coffee. (3:20) We went out to eat at a really nice place.(3:22) We had breakfast the next day. (3:24) I had a glass of wine. (3:25) Nobody there would know I was doing this challenge.(3:28) Nobody- Yeah, 100%. (3:29) Nobody would have a clue, but everything we did, I was thinking of. (3:33) Calculated it out.(3:33) I got salmon for dinner. (3:35) Nice. (3:36) No appetizers, water.(3:38) No fries for the kid. (3:40) No fries for the kid. (3:41) I did get a donut for breakfast, but I figured the donut would be easier to track than the breakfast sandwich because I don't know how much butter they're using.(3:48) Donut, I'll just throw in what I think it's going to be from Dunks. (3:51) Bada bing, bada boom, cool. (3:53) That.(3:53) One glass of wine or two glasses of wine, nothing crazy. (3:56) Next day, I had a breakfast sandwich with fucking deli turkey instead of bacon, instead of ham, instead of sausage, just deli turkey. (4:06) It was great.(4:06) It was world-class. (4:07) Nice. (4:08) All of that was intentional.(4:10) If you lived with me, you probably wouldn't recognize almost any difference that I'm dieting. (4:16) I eat the same thing. (4:18) I have less cheat meals probably, but there's no, I don't stress about it.(4:22) It's not, oh, I can't go to this place because it's I'll figure it out. (4:26) I'll find a way. (4:28) Go ahead.

Alan Lazaros

(4:31) When I'm with you, I'm observing all that.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:36) It's going to make me look bad just so you know.

Alan Lazaros

(4:37) No, it's not. (4:38) No, it's not. (4:38) No, no.(4:39) I observe you. (4:40) No, I didn't say that either. (4:41) It's going to be neutral.(4:44) Brother, so let's, when you say no one would know, I'm calling BS on that. (4:53) Almost no one would know. (4:57) I would watch everything you do.(4:59) You don't have to do this, but I think it's important. (5:02) And I know you've started doing this. (5:03) Whenever I am around someone, I think about where they're the most successful that I admire the most.(5:11) And then what are they doing differently? (5:13) I'm trying to find anything that connects to that. (5:17) So like you and Taryn have a way better relationship than 95% of relationships from my perspective, regardless of what you guys think That's what I believe to be true.(5:28) Okay. (5:29) How? (5:31) I need to know why.(5:33) I have to know. (5:34) And I do know why. (5:36) One of the reasons is Taryn was upset.(5:39) That was one of her dreams. (5:40) That was a big focus for her, dude. (5:42) She didn't have a focus to be a billionaire.(5:45) Her focus was to have a magnificent intimate relationship. (5:48) She was the one recommending those books, the bid system, John Gottman. (5:52) I need to know why it certainly wasn't because of you with love back then.(5:56) It is now you've worked on yourself a ton, but back then you didn't know how to have a great relationship. (6:00) And you fucking know that she knew more than you did at the beginning for sure. (6:04) And so my point of this, if nothing else, not to derail the episode is everyone out there watching or listening.(6:10) You can, when you spend time with successful people, you must study them, observe them. (6:15) Like what's different in their thinking? (6:18) What do they say differently?(6:19) What do they do differently? (6:20) And this is the most important. (6:21) What are they focused on?(6:23) Where is their focus?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:25) Nobody on this trip would have known. (6:27) I'm sure. (6:27) I would have.

Alan Lazaros

(6:29) I don't, I mean, yeah, you would have. (6:30) Taryn knew because you don't, you normally would get fries, but I would know. (6:34) But you love fries.(6:36) I don't think I've ever met someone who gets fries more often than Kevin. (6:39) God, it's so hard. (6:40) You love fries.(6:41) You've never not gotten fries.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:43) It's so hard not to get fries. (6:47) I haven't had pizza either, which is terrible, but okay. (6:50) If I was to get pizza, I would just get thin crust, get a large thin crust from Domino's has 1980 calories.(6:56) I would know the thing though. (6:58) But I'm saying, if you don't know me, like, let's say you just, yeah, you just came over and I was like, Hey, what do you want for dinner? (7:07) And you're like, ah, you know, it's been a long time.(7:08) Not you because you don't eat fucking pizza. (7:11) How dare you? (7:12) I have a whole foods, pizzas.(7:14) Okay. (7:14) You don't eat Domino's anymore. (7:15) No.(7:17) If somebody was like, yeah, I would love to get Domino's. (7:19) It's like, yeah, okay. (7:20) I'll get Domino's.(7:20) Just get a fucking thin crust pizza. (7:22) Problem solved. (7:23) And that's all I eat for the day though.(7:24) So like, you're not going to, you're not going to see me for the rest of the day anyway.

Alan Lazaros

(7:27) You don't think anyone at the table could see that you got salmon and a salad and didn't get an appetizer? (7:34) Nope. (7:35) Okay.(7:36) I would notice that if I didn't know you and you and I were at dinner, I would say jacked. (7:43) Why? (7:44) And I would observe you all of it.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:47) Well, I think there's like a, I don't know. (7:50) I think there's another piece of it that like people sometimes just think you're lucky, right?

Alan Lazaros

(7:57) I'm not saying it's normal. (7:58) I'm just saying it's important to know that that, that you can, I just hope everyone does observe success. (8:04) And then like, for sure, try to, I mean, dude, you, you did that with our mentors.(8:08) It's like, why the hell is this guy successful?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:09) For sure. (8:10) To an alarming clip with some of them. (8:12) It's like, Jesus Christ, I work harder than this.(8:14) I work harder than this person. (8:15) That was good for you. (8:16) May has ever, ever in their entire life worked.

Alan Lazaros

(8:19) I'm working on Christmas day.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:20) Did you figure out why they're successful? (8:21) They're a terrible person. (8:23) Yeah.(8:24) That's a piece of it. (8:24) They were not a good person. (8:25) See, there you go.(8:27) Okay. (8:27) This is my point though. (8:30) We had a buddy back in the day and I said, I feel guilty sometimes because when you're around me, I'm in chill mode and I'm making what seems like bad decisions, but I've made good decisions for nine out of 10, 90, 95% of the time I make the best decisions for me.(8:46) What I think not really. (8:47) Cause I didn't know what the fuck I was in fitness.

Alan Lazaros

(8:49) You're referring to. (8:49) So this person was struggling with their weight. (8:51) Yes.(8:51) Yes. (8:51) And then on the weekends you do big leg days and then, and then I'd get pizza.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:55) Every time they come over, I would get pizza and fries and they'd be like, dude, I don't understand. (8:59) It's like, I don't, this is just when you were here, you're like ripped up the rest of the time. (9:04) I'm eating chicken, broccoli, turkey, rice.(9:07) Like I don't eat anything else, but that's what I'm saying is even if, if you didn't know me that well and you saw me online, you're like, okay, he's in shape. (9:16) Right. (9:16) I still, I fucking see pictures of myself.(9:18) I do not feel like I'm in shape at all. (9:20) It's alarming how bad I think I look and you see me eating a thin crust pizza. (9:26) You're going to be like, no, no, no, man.(9:29) Something's that's why it's dangerous. (9:31) So that's part one.

Alan Lazaros

(9:32) Okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:32) And that wasn't my plan for this part too. (9:36) So much of it is intentionality. (9:38) Yeah.(9:39) You might see somebody go out and spend X amount of dollars on something. (9:43) If they thought about that over and over and over and over and over again, I told Taryn the other day, I said, would you ever drive an SUV? (9:51) And she said, yeah.(9:51) Why? (9:52) And I said, cause I'm, my lease is up in two years and I'm already thinking of what to do. (9:57) I don't know if I want a fucking car payment.(9:59) I'm not sure. (10:00) I don't know what I want to do. (10:00) I don't know if I want a fucking car payment, whatever I do might look dumb in two years, but I've been thinking about it since the day I got that car.(10:10) Yeah. (10:11) So, so much of progress is invisible. (10:15) It is you just trying to be hyper proactive through thinking.(10:20) And I just think that doesn't get talked about that much.

Alan Lazaros

(10:22) Agreed. (10:23) And, and hopefully, I mean, why, why those early years, I make fun of us a little cause we were naive, but the truth is we were learning a lot with all the questions we would ask. (10:35) We interviewed hundreds of people from all over the world and we asked them all these questions.(10:40) What do you want to accomplish before you die? (10:42) And, and what about you never changed? (10:44) Like not only were we learning what to do, we were more importantly learning how full of shit they were and how, what not to do.(10:51) A lot of the times, not everybody, some of the guests were great, but like not, here's what we were really doing. (10:58) We were revealing beneath the iceberg, Olympic gold medalists, millionaires, uh, the most successful in all these different areas, right? (11:11) What's beneath the iceberg, because what you do, it's almost like you see the results and then it's the bottom of the iceberg that you can barely see in the wake is what you do.(11:22) And then there's what you think, what you say, then what you think, then what you feel, then what you believe. (11:30) I'm going right to beliefs, dude. (11:33) When you and I met, I calc, I went, Oh, for sure.(11:40) But I knew why you were fit. (11:42) You always were worried about where the gym was. (11:48) You always wanted to be lean.(11:52) Like, maybe that's me projecting, but this is something that we can all do. (11:56) The moment you see someone with a result, I hope like if, okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:01) I don't want to keep talking about the damn cyber truck.

Alan Lazaros

(12:04) Emilio and I look young. (12:06) We drop it off to get wrapped. (12:08) The guys are like, what the fuck?(12:12) You can tell they're like, is this like, is this yours? (12:16) Like, do you guys have rich parents? (12:18) Like, what's the deal?(12:18) We look really young. (12:20) And it's like, what's the deal with these two? (12:22) Like, what is like, I've never, you can tell that we're different and they can tell, but they don't know why.(12:27) And I hope that what they're doing, I don't think it is what I hope what they're doing is I hope what our listeners do is when you see an anomaly, which is something, if I saw a 23 year old multimillionaire who had like a 25 person team, I would be like, what the fuck is that? (12:48) There are no 23 year olds who lead a 25 person team because you can't learn how to lead without a decade of massive pain and failure. (12:57) You didn't have a fucking team at 23.(12:59) How many, how many people do you lead at 23? (13:03) Uh, you lead yourself. (13:04) Zero, zero.(13:06) That's perfect. (13:06) It makes sense. (13:07) I have a 23 year old client.(13:09) He's working on getting his first team member. (13:11) There are no 23 year old rich dynamic leaders. (13:15) You have you ever met a 23 year old CEO who leads a huge team?(13:20) Uh, no. (13:22) Yeah. (13:23) Why?(13:24) Because it takes decades to learn leadership. (13:27) So, so my point of this is when you see a result, you need to care about what they do, what they say, what they think and what they feel and what they believe underneath the result. (13:39) I think thinking, believe you could see what they believe is the most important.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:43) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(13:44) Believe is the most important, which is philosophy. (13:47) What's their philosophy?

Kevin Palmieri

(13:48) What's their mindset? (13:49) Even think it's like, okay, when you walk up to, cause I think that's what people are asking. (13:54) It's like, okay, when you walk up to, I don't know, when I, back when I was a personal trainer, I would help people with their nutrition.(14:01) When I walk up to a buffet, what am I thinking? (14:04) I'm thinking like, what's the highest protein that is cooked in the least amount of shit. (14:09) Yes.(14:09) Nice. (14:09) Outside of that, what can I do to limit the amount of uncertainty I have and stay in control? (14:15) Veggies, usually pretty good.(14:17) Depends though. (14:18) Cause sometimes they're cooking a shit ton of butter. (14:20) Maybe I'll taste a piece of broccoli to see.(14:23) I'll be able to tell if it's in butter, no mac and cheese, nothing with cheese, nothing with, you know, whatever. (14:29) Right. (14:29) Like nothing with a ton of sauce.(14:30) Fries have the worst macros in the game. (14:32) The worst. (14:33) And I like them the best, but my consumption of fries is way down.(14:39) That's why. (14:41) And they're also fucking terrible for you. (14:42) Right.

Alan Lazaros

(14:43) So like, but if you don't know what a macronutrient, this is why I told you, I know we got to go. (14:46) I said, brother, people need to understand the micron level. (14:51) I know not right away, but dude, like at GE, they, they jet engine turbines.(14:58) We were, we were 3d scanning these jet engine turbines to the micron level. (15:03) What if you understood nutrition to the micron level? (15:06) I have a client who didn't understand how much was in olive oil.(15:09) And now she's like, what? (15:11) So I was like, yo, and, and heavy cream. (15:14) She, I told her no liquid calories.(15:16) I know you're listening. (15:17) No liquid calories. (15:18) She's going to win.(15:19) She's going to do very well. (15:21) Like she was doing like 500 calories a day in liquids. (15:24) Just, you know, that adds up.(15:26) That's a pound a week. (15:27) That's a pound a week. (15:28) And, and dude, ignorance is not bliss.(15:31) Ignorance is fucking bad decision-making. (15:33) And that's why I think learning these small things like, dude, when you say thinking, I know we got to go. (15:41) When you go up to a buffet and I go up to a buffet, what if it showed like our thinking and decision-making process?(15:46) How cool would that be? (15:47) I would be so awesome. (15:48) Dude, I make, I have a client yesterday.(15:50) She's like, do you seriously calculate? (15:52) Cause we're doing her average. (15:53) She has three different hourly rates and we, we did a whole bunch of weighted averages.(15:56) And she's like, do you like, do you do this with everything? (15:58) I said, everything. (16:00) She said, how the fuck am I supposed to do that?(16:03) And I said, you just practice. (16:04) You just practice. (16:05) Every decision I make is calculated.(16:07) Everyone, all of them. (16:09) I think that's why people don't like me. (16:11) They know I'm calculating everything.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:13) I don't think they do. (16:14) No, because sometimes they're, they don't fit into the calculation the way that they wish they did. (16:19) That.(16:20) Fair. (16:21) That. (16:21) It's not, I don't think they know you're calculating.(16:23) I do, but how, I mean, Jesus, of course I do.

Alan Lazaros

(16:28) Remember when you said it was like, you don't like giving speeches with me?

Kevin Palmieri

(16:33) Yeah. (16:34) Because I know you're fucking, you notice everything I do wrong. (16:39) Always.(16:39) Yeah. (16:41) Yeah. (16:42) I cared more about what you thought than anybody in the audience, which is good for me, which is good for me.(16:47) Cause now I fucking blow you out of the water.

Alan Lazaros

(16:49) So people, people like, don't judge. (16:52) It's like, no, no, no. (16:53) Don't judge unfairly.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:56) There's nothing for it. (16:57) We'd, we'd be like doing a speech and it's like, I don't even care how many people in the audience, like I'm, I know after I'm going to hear from you, nobody else. (17:05) The second we're done, they're going to leave.(17:06) I'm, we're going to have to debrief after this.

Alan Lazaros

(17:08) I know we're going to go, I got to get to book club, but I want to share this. (17:10) I there's someone I coach who's a speaker. (17:13) And she's like, what'd you think?(17:15) I went to, uh, it's Bianca. (17:18) Bianca's out of the mud, Emilia and Herb. (17:20) I've been going to their events.(17:21) It's honest. (17:22) I said, okay, listen, it's awesome. (17:24) I said, listen, do you want based on where you're headed or do you want statistically?(17:30) Statistically, it was great. (17:32) Excellent work based on being the best in the now. (17:41) And, and we went through the whole thing and I actually gave her an entire group coaching.(17:45) The same group coaching that I gave on Tuesday, I showed her and then taught all along the way. (17:49) I didn't teach her the material. (17:50) I taught her why I did what I did.(17:52) But at the end of the day, I know that's not your point. (17:54) Everything is intentionality, dude. (17:56) No one is like stumbling upon success.(17:58) And if they are, they're calculating unconsciously and subconsciously, or they have great genetics. (18:03) Some people are stumbling on it for sure. (18:04) Dude, I don't know, man.(18:06) Yes, brother. (18:07) We've met them, but, but there's something they're doing that actually is really good, even if it's being completely full of shit. (18:14) But if they don't, Jesus, if they don't know they're doing it.(18:18) No, that's subconscious. (18:20) They're calculating something subconsciously. (18:22) Okay.(18:22) I have someone I'm thinking of who's very successful, who is calculating things subconsciously all the time. (18:27) And his focus is always on the something. (18:31) I asked myself, how is this dude successful?(18:34) Seriously. (18:34) And I mean that somewhat judgy. (18:36) How is this dude successful?(18:38) You ever meet someone where it's like, there has got to be something up here. (18:43) I figured it out. (18:45) I figured out why.(18:46) He doesn't know why. (18:48) That's why he can't teach it. (18:49) That's actually why podcasts are so full of it.(18:51) They don't know how to teach how they did what they did. (18:54) Well, that's the piece. (18:55) Brene Brown doesn't know how she got to where she is.(18:58) She didn't restudy her whole career. (19:00) She was just going with the flow, having kids, doing her thing. (19:02) Vulnerability, right place, right time, TED talk.(19:05) She knows more than the average bear obviously, but she didn't dissect every move. (19:10) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:12) Cool, man. (19:13) So yeah, intentionality is everything. (19:16) I think that's the simplest thing.(19:17) Just be intentional. (19:18) If you're more intentional about what you're doing, you're going to get better results than other people. (19:23) For sure.(19:23) Simple. (19:24) Statistically. (19:24) Statistically.(19:25) Yeah. (19:25) Now, are you going to get to the top? (19:27) No.(19:27) No. (19:27) No. (19:28) Intentionality is not enough to get to the top, but it is enough to a degree to stay off the bottom.

Alan Lazaros

(19:35) We should do an episode on all the things that are important, but not enough.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:40) The list would be long. (19:42) One of those things would not be coaching though. (19:44) Coaching is important and enough if you do it for long enough.(19:47) So reach out to Alan for that. (19:48) Next Level Fitness Accountability Group. (19:49) If you're looking for accountability, as always, we love you.(19:51) Appreciate you. (19:52) Grateful for each and every one of you. (19:53) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single freaking day.

Alan Lazaros

(20:00) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:03) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (20:07) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(20:09) We mean it when we say family. (20:11) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (20:15) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(20:18) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.