If You’re Missing One Thing, You’re Missing Everything (2514)

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Fitness is forever, it's a lifestyle. Join the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group. Reach out to Kevin or Alan on Instagram:
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What if the reason you keep repeating the same goal is not a lack of discipline, but one missing understanding? In this episode, Kevin and Alan explore how small errors in thinking can create major setbacks in your health, relationships, goals, and personal growth. They break down why effort without clear measurement often leads to frustration, why incomplete information produces incomplete results, and how learned helplessness can convince you to stop trying before you have found the right approach.

You will also hear why strong goal setting, self-awareness, and honest feedback are essential for building long-term consistency. Progress is not about trying harder at the same strategy. It is about identifying the missing variable, improving your decision-making, and developing the skills your next level requires. Do not leave with a better excuse. Leave with a better equation.

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NLU is more than a podcast. From the Next Level Dreamliner to Group Coaching, we provide tools and communities to help you grow with more clarity, consistency, and accountability.

Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Instagram:
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook:
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(1:52) One missing distinction can change everything
(4:35) The cost of winging it without measurement
(7:02) Understanding both sides of the fitness equation
(15:32) Clear goals reveal what you need to learn
(21:41) Learned helplessness and repeated failure
(23:33) Build the skills required for higher-level results
(27:05) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) You can know a lot of things, you can be very accurate in a lot of things, but unfortunately if you are wrong about one thing, in a way you are wrong about everything else very minor.

Alan Lazaros

(0:12) One distinction that you're missing can destroy your entire understanding, which means you're going to be suboptimal with every decision moving forward in that one arena. (0:21) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:24) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:26) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:29) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:35) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:42) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:57) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:04) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:10) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,514. (1:13) If you're missing one thing, you're missing everything. (1:16) Do you remember the movie The Butterfly Effect?

Alan Lazaros

(1:19) Yes.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:20) That is a very good parallel to what we're talking about today, where if you change one thing, what is it? (1:27) A butterfly flaps its wings in New York and there's a tsunami in somewhere, right?

Alan Lazaros

(1:32) Chaos theory, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:33) Chaos theory. (1:34) So we're talking about that a little bit, not quite that, but I remember you and I did an episode, we had a conversation, and I said, isn't it interesting? (1:42) And people used to call me out because that was like my favorite word.(1:45) Preposition. (1:46) It's a series of words, but preposition, I think, is what people would say in the English language. (1:52) And I said how when one thing changes in your mind, everything changes.(1:57) Or when you're wrong about one thing, you're literally wrong about everything. (2:01) Not 100% and 0%, but like, what's a good example?

Alan Lazaros

(2:10) Well, if you're slightly off by one degree when you take off in a plane, that's a good one. (2:21) You're only off a mile, then two miles, then four miles. (2:25) And if you go across this country through 3,000 miles, you're 150 miles off course if you're just one degree off.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:33) I feel like the degree thing is hard, though.

Alan Lazaros

(2:35) Yeah, 360 degrees.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:37) If you were 10 feet to the right, you'd be like 30,000 feet over the course of, you know what I mean? (2:46) Yeah, yeah, it would be bad. (2:48) Really bad.(2:48) You'd be six miles off. (2:50) But that... (2:51) Six miles?(2:52) What do you mean? (2:52) More than that? (2:54) Let's say it's 3,000 feet, you're 10 feet off.(2:56) I don't know the rise and the fall. (2:58) Oh, I see. (2:59) You'd be a number of miles off.(3:01) You'd be surprised how far off you'd be. (3:03) You want to say 10 feet? (3:04) I got you.

Alan Lazaros

(3:08) So you'd be 0.07 degrees off. (3:12) So if you're 0.07 degrees off, you'll be 10... (3:15) No, 10 miles, not 10 feet, 10 miles.

Kevin Palmieri

(3:18) I have no idea. (3:19) All I'm saying is that's the example I'm using. (3:21) I'm going to kick it to you because you wanted to do this episode.

Alan Lazaros

(3:23) Yeah. (3:24) So chaos theory is the study of how tiny changes can produce massive unpredictable outcomes in complex systems. (3:30) Now, duality.(3:33) Holding two seemingly opposing ideas in your consciousness simultaneously. (3:37) Things are unpredictable and out of your control. (3:41) And you actually can predict them.(3:44) You can. (3:44) It's just very hard to do. (3:46) Very hard to do.(3:47) So if I drink more water, then I'll have to pee and I'll be more hydrated. (3:52) That's not that hard to predict. (3:54) Like figure it out.(3:55) Okay. (3:55) A lot of things you can predict. (3:57) And I'm learning more and more and more.(4:00) The more I coach people, 41 clients now, very grateful. (4:04) The more and more and more I coach, the more and more and more I realize that people are winging it way more than I ever thought. (4:10) That is a theme from 11 years ago to now.(4:17) From when I got my car accident to now, I've coached over 7,300 times. (4:24) And the theme, if I look back, is there's no exception to this rule. (4:29) Everyone is winging it more than I thought.(4:31) AKA I'm winging it less than I thought. (4:34) Didn't know that. (4:35) And by winging it, what I mean is inputs, outputs, measure, adjust.(4:39) So I was on with Andy. (4:39) Andy, shout out to you. (4:40) I know you listen every day.(4:42) He's in group coaching, podcaster, awesome dude, huge fan. (4:45) We're setting up his peak performance tracker, which is one most important skill, three priorities, three KPIs, three habits. (4:52) Boom, boom, boom.(4:52) I call it the runway. (4:53) We got 11 weeks left. (4:54) Let's rock.(4:56) And we're going through it, going through it, going through it. (4:58) His three priorities are fitness is the number one. (5:01) I said, okay, what's the KPI weight?(5:03) He said, yeah, he's in the 10 pound in 10 week challenge. (5:06) I said, okay, what's your goal weight? (5:09) Because after we do KPIs, we set a goal.(5:11) Next 11 weeks, what's your goal weight? (5:14) He said, 275. (5:15) And I was like, uh-oh.(5:19) I said, what do you weigh now? (5:20) He said, 307. (5:20) I said, brother, brother, you want to lose...(5:25) Let's do this. (5:26) He wouldn't mind me sharing this, by the way. (5:28) He actually gave me permission to share it.(5:31) All right, 307 minus 275, 32 pounds. (5:35) I said, you want to lose 32 pounds in 11 weeks? (5:39) You can hear my voice.(5:40) He's like, yeah. (5:41) And I'm like, no, no, no, no. (5:45) Terrible idea.(5:46) He's like, why? (5:47) I said, that means 32 times 3,500 divided by what's 11 weeks? (5:53) 77 days?(5:54) No, no, it'd be more than that. (5:57) Seven times 11, 77, yeah. (5:59) Okay, so you're telling me you want to be in a 1,454 calorie deficit every day for the next 77 days?(6:07) He's like, yeah. (6:09) Not a chance. (6:10) I said, Andy, I love you, man.(6:12) I believe in you. (6:13) Not a fucking chance. (6:15) If I told you, you had to do that?(6:18) 1,500 calorie deficit a day? (6:21) Me? (6:21) Yeah, what would you tell me?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:23) I'm eating 1,600 a day right now, so...

Alan Lazaros

(6:26) So you'd have to eat 100 calories?

Kevin Palmieri

(6:28) I'd probably eat like 100 calories. (6:31) I wouldn't die, but it would be bad.

Alan Lazaros

(6:34) My point in this is not to make fun of Andy. (6:36) It's to the principle. (6:39) He said, brother, I don't really know this stuff.(6:42) I was like, I appreciate it. (6:43) Appreciate the humility. (6:43) Awesome.(6:44) Let me, please, please let me help you. (6:47) Just do 10 pounds in 10 weeks. (6:50) Just do 11 pounds.(6:51) 500 calorie deficit. (6:52) Even that's hard. (6:54) That's not easy.(6:56) Nobody loses 11 pounds easily. (7:00) Like, some people do, but they're really good at it. (7:02) I said, and this is the distinction he was missing, and that's the point of this episode.(7:05) If you miss one distinction, one understanding, you'll lose forever. (7:09) He's like, I've been yo-yo dieting for years. (7:11) I said, brother, let me help you.(7:12) I got you. (7:13) Muscle mass. (7:14) He said, what do you mean?(7:15) I said, if you lose, if you actually manage to lose that much, it's going to be 50% muscle, gone. (7:23) And you're not getting any younger. (7:24) You're never going to get the muscle back.(7:28) He said, even if you're weight training? (7:30) I said, yes. (7:30) How hard are you weight training?(7:31) Are you an animal? (7:32) Are you just an animal on the weights? (7:34) He said, not at all.(7:35) I said, brother, you're going to lose mostly muscle. (7:39) Water and muscle and some fat. (7:42) Do not do that, brother.(7:45) Muscle mass is the leverage point. (7:48) The more muscle mass you have, the more ATP you need to function. (7:55) Help me unpack this.(7:57) Brother, like, he was missing metabolism, metabolic equilibrium.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:02) That's a big one.

Alan Lazaros

(8:03) The metabolism and muscle mass are totally connected. (8:05) Totally connected.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:07) I was having a conversation with somebody when I traveled to them, and they were like, hey, what do you want for lunch? (8:12) And I said, I'm good for lunch. (8:13) Thank you.(8:14) I'm going to eat tonight when we finish at nine o'clock at night. (8:18) And she said, aren't you hungry? (8:20) And I said, oh, brutally.(8:22) Brutally so, yes. (8:23) Yeah, I've been up since one o'clock. (8:24) I love that, dude.(8:26) I'm starving.

Alan Lazaros

(8:26) Aren't you hungry? (8:27) Of course I am.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:28) I'm always hungry. (8:29) I said, we have something we do. (8:31) Right now, it's called the 10 pound in 10 week challenge, what we're doing.(8:33) But every quarter, we usually have some sort of weight loss thing. (8:37) Weight loss or weight gain, but it's predominantly weight loss. (8:41) And she said, well, why?(8:42) Why do you do it all the time? (8:43) And I said, well, I mean, that's how you get a really strong metabolism. (8:46) That's how you build up a difference in body composition is you do cycles of bulks and cuts.(8:51) Like, that's the only way to really do it.

Alan Lazaros

(8:53) Yeah, only way.

Kevin Palmieri

(8:54) That's how you do it. (8:55) But I can tell, like, even in that question, this person's missing a little bit. (8:59) They're active.

Alan Lazaros

(9:00) They're missing the bulk, right? (9:01) They don't understand the value of it. (9:03) The bulk and muscle.(9:05) Can you imagine me being like, hey, man, I'm going to come up with this answer. (9:08) And then I'm missing half the equation.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:10) Well, yeah, because if you haven't studied it thoroughly, it's hard to have a really good 360 degree view.

Alan Lazaros

(9:16) And every supplement company is saying my protein powder is the answer. (9:22) No, that's not the answer.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:24) No, no.

Alan Lazaros

(9:25) The answer is understanding both sides of the equation. (9:28) Losing weight is one half of the equation. (9:31) Burning body fat.(9:32) I'll give you the secret to fitness. (9:34) These two equations. (9:35) Two.(9:35) One of them is burning fat. (9:39) That's one half of the equation. (9:40) You got to learn how to do that.(9:41) And you got to learn how to do it well. (9:43) OK? (9:44) Ready for the other half?(9:45) Building muscle. (9:47) If you only know one half of the equation, you not only will get no results, or half the results, you'll get no results. (9:55) Because if you only try to do one half of the equation, it's like if you, all you do is work and you never rest.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:01) I feel like though, if you're on the build muscle one, you can ride that one out for a far longer time. (10:05) That one's way better, but it's the rarer one. (10:07) Yeah, yeah.(10:07) Well, that's the, isn't it, isn't it, Jeff, how, what brings you success in one, brings detriment in the other. (10:15) And if you're afraid, so if you're out there right now, and you're afraid. (10:19) Of gaining fat.(10:20) Of gaining fat. (10:21) And your thing is like, I need a diet. (10:22) I need a diet.

Alan Lazaros

(10:22) It guarantees eventually you end up skinny fat.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:25) Yeah. (10:25) Or just fat. (10:26) Pretty much because you're afraid to do the thing that you need to do in order to reset your metabolism.(10:30) It's all, it's all. (10:31) But again, that's, that is life. (10:32) Life is like the thing you want to do.(10:35) You have to do the opposite of to actually get the result you want. (10:37) And it's a whole, it's all.

Alan Lazaros

(10:39) Kevin's afraid of failure. (10:40) He has to fail forward. (10:41) I'm afraid of success.(10:41) I have to actually be willing to showcase shining and succeeding. (10:45) Everything is, the gold is always buried where you least want to dig. (10:48) Kevin wanted a therapist.(10:50) I wanted a coach. (10:51) I had dozens of coaches and mentors. (10:52) I needed a therapist.(10:53) He needed a coach. (10:54) And we, everyone get both, but like, seriously, I'm not joking. (10:58) I'm pro therapy.(10:59) So pro therapy, most people, you need a coach. (11:03) You need a coach. (11:05) You need someone who's going to get on your ass.(11:07) You don't need someone who's going to be there to support you as much as you need someone to actually believe in you. (11:14) Like, listen, I love my therapist. (11:15) She's not pushing me.(11:18) She's helping me unpack and heal from the past. (11:21) She's not like Alan, get your shit together. (11:25) I'm more dialed in than she is.(11:27) Right. (11:28) By far. (11:29) Listen, everybody needs the opposite of what they want.(11:32) If, if what you wanted was what you needed, you'd already fucking have it.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:36) That is an unfortunate paradox of life.

Alan Lazaros

(11:39) And everyone's like, you know, it's like me, uh, you know, I think for me, I just don't really, uh, work hard enough. (11:48) I just don't work enough. (11:50) That's not the answer.(11:51) That's obviously not the answer. (11:54) If you hate hard work, that's probably the answer. (11:57) You don't work enough and you know it by the way.(12:00) Okay. (12:01) But what are you going to do if you don't like hard work? (12:03) You're going to listen to bullshit podcasts that work hard behind the scenes.(12:06) Pretend they don't front of the scenes. (12:07) Like everything is so backwards.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:10) It is.

Alan Lazaros

(12:10) But I think it's because your program is so powerful. (12:12) Good.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:13) Super. (12:13) I think that's why this is so important because that the thing that you're missing is usually the thing that you get taken advantage of for. (12:21) Yes.(12:22) That's it. (12:22) Like, oh, I, you know, I want to be healthy. (12:25) Awesome.(12:25) There's a subset of things that will try to convince you it's healthy because maybe it is, but that doesn't healthy does not necessarily have the same definition for everybody. (12:37) I think that's an important. (12:38) So what is, if you're missing what it means to be healthy, you eat all the good shit, you drink enough water, you take your supplements, but you don't sleep.(12:46) You're not healthy. (12:47) Are you more healthy than somebody who didn't sleep and ate like shit? (12:51) Yes.(12:51) Sure. (12:52) But you're not as healthy quote unquote, as you think you are. (12:55) Like, but it's, I don't know.(12:57) How do you know the whole fucking game? (13:00) If that's such a, it's such a challenge.

Alan Lazaros

(13:04) It's so unreasonable. (13:04) It's such an unreasonable ask. (13:06) I actually never used to think that because I used to think like, just learn everything.(13:11) And it's like, wait a minute.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:12) Yeah. (13:13) I'm for you for it.

Alan Lazaros

(13:14) But like, do you have to know everything? (13:18) I don't know. (13:18) You'd benefit from knowing everything, obviously, but, but not everything is matters equally, but in order to find the leverage points, it's like, if you've ever heard of price is law, if you have a hundred employee company, a hundred team member company, 10 team members are responsible for more than 50% of the production, probably 80% actually.(13:36) And again, look it up. (13:37) The point that I'm making though, is you have to have a hundred team members to find the 10. (13:44) And if it's a thousand, it's a hundred people make most of the production.(13:47) So what you're supposed to do is have 10 and then know the one and then have 20 and know the two. (13:56) And then you're supposed to fire the bottom to work harder on the top two. (14:01) Like this, you can't just like, Oh, really?(14:03) That's a, what a breakthrough insight. (14:04) I'm going to go hire a hundred people and hope 10 of them are good. (14:08) Like these distinctions need to be learned and relearned.(14:12) And then you have to figure out what you have to unlearn and you have to do it. (14:17) And this is why we did an episode last week or the week before, I forget on why are you reading that book? (14:24) Why are you reading that book?(14:25) Like pick a book that is designed and created to help you with your goals, your goal. (14:37) I know I'm talking about this a lot, but if you're the only reason we even got to him, not knowing that distinction about muscle, the more muscle mass you have, the more ATP you use in order to move. (14:51) And the more ATP you use in order to move, the more glucose you need, which means the more calories you burn.(14:57) Okay, boom, simple, simple. (14:59) Once you know that now you need to maximize muscle mass forever, whether you're gaining or losing weight, you always try to retain as much muscle mass while losing weight and increase muscle mass as much as possible while gaining weight. (15:10) Some people gain weight without muscle mass.(15:12) It's like, whoa, make sure you're weight training. (15:14) If you're eating like a dickhead, you got to make sure at least when you ate like shit, dude, at least you weight trained. (15:18) I mean, most of that was being created into muscle, right?(15:21) So a lot of it was not most of it, probably a lot of it though, because you had high test levels back then. (15:27) My point of this is the distinction you're missing is number one, where you least want to dig. (15:32) Number two, predicated on a goal.(15:35) I would imagine we didn't have in the conversation with Andy, imagine there was no goal. (15:40) What would we even talk about? (15:41) The only reason we got to that distinction is because he had a goal with a KPI.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:48) I think the other problem too is, I don't know, you'd know better than I. (15:54) How often do people set the same goal over and over again before they get so frustrated they just stop setting it? (16:00) I don't know.(16:01) I would love to look that up. (16:02) Gotta be super common. (16:05) How many times do people try to accomplish a specific goal before they give up?(16:14) I know someone who is very much, Alan, of like the, oh fuck it, I just quit trying years ago. (16:23) And I believe the reason, this person's very overweight, unhealthily overweight. (16:30) I'm, I have to imagine that they just got so frustrated that they were eventually like, I'm never going to fucking figure this out and I'm just going to pretend that I don't care about it at all because I'd rather just fucking let go of it.(16:43) It's a terrible idea. (16:44) I know, but I, I have to imagine. (16:47) Why wouldn't, would they, of course.(16:49) Yeah, that's not because they probably, well that, that's, I'm, I have empathy. (16:54) I'm not saying like, I'm not talking shit about this person. (16:56) Yes.

Alan Lazaros

(16:56) What if you were to say, I know exactly how to do this.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:59) Well, because I would be like, so I've talked to this person twice in my whole life.

Alan Lazaros

(17:04) Are you okay? (17:05) Nevermind.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:05) All right.

Alan Lazaros

(17:06) There is no scientifically established average number of times that people attempt any specific goal before giving up. (17:12) It varies enormously by type of goal, quitting smoking, starting a business, losing weight, learning a language and the individual. (17:18) Here's what I will tell you.(17:20) When I researched this, this is, and I'll never forget this because this blew my mind. (17:24) I know we've got to get out of here in three minutes. (17:26) I know we have to get out of here in three minutes.(17:28) Alan speak and enunciate for fuck's sake. (17:31) All right. (17:31) So January of 2024, I researched for a masterclass every year.(17:39) I don't know if we'll do it this year because I think it's stupid. (17:41) New year's resolution, set goals for the year. (17:44) You know, new year, new you.(17:45) I don't even know if I want to do it this year because it's just so dumb. (17:49) Uh, but anyway, so, so we did that and I looked up a stat. (17:54) And you've heard this before, cause I'll never forget it.(17:57) Only 4% of people have clear written goals that are attached to a number. (18:01) And only 8% of them ever achieve it. (18:06) What brother?(18:09) So let's, let's do a thousand people, thousand people times 0.04. That means 40 people have clear written goals attached to a number out of every thousand. (18:21) And only 3.2 of them ever achieve it. (18:25) It does seem freakishly low, but.(18:28) That's like really scary. (18:32) So three out of every thousand people have clear written goals that they actually achieve.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:36) Remember the, uh, the monkey study? (18:40) The one that they've sprayed. (18:41) There have been several.(18:42) Yeah, unfortunately. (18:43) They sprayed the monkeys when the monkeys were out to get the bananas. (18:46) They sprayed them.(18:46) You tell that. (18:47) It's cause I don't, uh, there was a cage of monkeys.

Alan Lazaros

(18:52) I love when you tell stories that you don't know. (18:54) It's so funny.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:56) I know the premise.

Alan Lazaros

(18:57) This is a research study that we talked about way back. (19:01) So, uh. (19:02) It's been years.(19:02) It's been years. (19:03) Just, just take it as a metaphor. (19:05) Okay.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:05) Yeah, it's a metaphor. (19:06) You don't, you don't say like, Hey, give me the study. (19:08) I don't know the fucking study.(19:09) If I knew the study, I'd say it better than I'm going to say it, but it's real. (19:12) And it's a fucking study.

Alan Lazaros

(19:13) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:14) There was a cage of monkeys, a group of them, if you will. (19:17) And there was some bananas at the top of their cage. (19:19) And one monkey's like, fuck.(19:22) Yeah. (19:23) Bananas. (19:23) I'm going to go get them.(19:24) Every time that monkey got close to the bananas, the caretakers or lack of caretakers of this monkey sprayed them with water.

Alan Lazaros

(19:31) You're messing this up.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:32) Am I? (19:33) Are you? (19:33) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(19:35) All right. (19:35) So there's one monkey in a cage.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:38) Oh yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(19:39) Yeah. (19:39) Yeah. (19:39) The whole fucking thing.(19:40) Messing it up. (19:40) It's all good.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:41) That's my bad.

Alan Lazaros

(19:41) Bananas at the top. (19:43) Hell yeah. (19:44) Let's do it, baby.(19:45) Goes up, gets sprayed in the face right before he touches the banana. (19:48) Same thing, same thing. (19:50) Male or female monkey, we don't know.(19:52) Boom. (19:53) Eventually stops trying, which is the point of this episode. (19:55) Stops trying.(19:56) Not the point of the episode, but the point Kevin was making. (19:58) Okay. (19:58) You don't know the distinction.(20:00) You don't have the understanding. (20:01) You keep losing. (20:02) Eventually you quit.(20:03) That's the point.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:03) Okay. (20:03) I'd love to know that number. (20:06) I don't have it.(20:07) We'll extrapolate after you finish.

Alan Lazaros

(20:10) I would never quit. (20:11) I know. (20:11) Finish the fucking study, please.(20:13) Okay. (20:13) The second monkey comes in. (20:16) Has never been sprayed before.(20:19) Kev, are you still there? (20:20) Yep. (20:21) Okay.(20:21) Production team, please fix that little blip because internet or something. (20:24) Okay. (20:24) Second monkey comes in.(20:27) Never got sprayed. (20:28) Never saw the first monkey get sprayed. (20:31) Monkey one is sitting there not trying.(20:33) Gave up. (20:34) This is learned helplessness monkey, we'll call him. (20:36) Monkey two is like, what's the deal here?(20:39) I mean, we know how to climb. (20:41) Let's do this thing. (20:42) Right?(20:42) We're going to do this. (20:44) Second monkey goes up. (20:46) Tries sprayed in the face.(20:47) Boom. (20:47) Same deal. (20:48) Both quit.(20:48) Third monkey, fourth monkey. (20:50) Boom. (20:51) Eventually they take all the monkeys out, put a new monkey in.(20:54) Nope. (20:55) They took all the monkeys out except for one monkey. (20:57) Now there's a monkey.(21:00) They add another monkey. (21:02) I know I'm butchering this. (21:02) They add another monkey at the end.(21:03) Real quick. (21:04) There's one monkey. (21:05) I know.(21:06) Real quick. (21:07) This is fun. (21:07) This is fun.(21:08) Now there's two monkeys in the room. (21:11) There's bananas at the top. (21:14) The first monkey who did get sprayed pulls the second one down until it quits.(21:21) Hold on. (21:21) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (21:22) No spray.(21:23) No spray. (21:23) Real quick. (21:24) Now there's two monkeys in a room.(21:28) One of them has never been sprayed and neither one of them are climbing for the bananas. (21:32) It's called learned helplessness. (21:34) I know we butchered the story real quick.(21:35) It is what it is. (21:36) It's fun. (21:37) It's important to understand what learned helplessness is.(21:41) If you try something 50 times and you never get anywhere, the real reason is errors in your thinking. (21:48) You have errors in your thinking and therefore you are doing or saying the wrong things and not getting the result. (21:55) That's the real reason.(21:56) But the reason you tell yourself is screw it. (21:58) I'm going to quit. (21:59) This is impossible.(22:00) It's not impossible. (22:01) Some things are impossible. (22:03) Okay, flying without wings, whatever.(22:07) Losing weight is not impossible. (22:09) It might feel impossible though and you need to separate feeling impossible with actually impossible and you need to... (22:16) I think, dude, there is a way.(22:19) You just have to find it. (22:20) I mean...

Kevin Palmieri

(22:22) Yeah, but how many people are in that cage with other monkeys that have failed?

Alan Lazaros

(22:27) I mean, everybody. (22:29) Everybody metaphorically.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:31) I think that's like an interesting parallel. (22:33) Like there's a bunch of...

Alan Lazaros

(22:33) That's why you got to come to NLU, baby. (22:35) Well, we're all climbing for bananas and we're getting sprayed for sure. (22:38) But we're still climbing.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:39) Yeah, but we know that's just par for the course.

Alan Lazaros

(22:41) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(22:42) It's just par for the course. (22:43) Everybody gets sprayed. (22:45) And it just makes it...(22:46) It's like if you could make success the simplest, the most obvious to the point where somebody would be like, yeah, no, duh, obviously. (22:54) You just have to learn the things that you don't know yet in the direction of the results that you want and then it's going to take a long time. (23:01) But odds are the reason you don't have what you want is just because you don't know how to get it yet.(23:06) Not because you're incapable of. (23:08) Now, again, you want to do a 360 dunk from the foul line. (23:12) Tough shit, probably.

Alan Lazaros

(23:14) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:14) Right. (23:15) But if you want to build a business or you want to get a partner who's really supportive and whatever, you want to lose weight, you want to whatever. (23:23) Within reason, you just don't know how to do it yet.(23:26) And the more complicated the goal that you're trying to achieve is, the more things you have to learn in the process of achieving it.

Alan Lazaros

(23:33) I would say the higher, the rarer the goal. (23:37) The rarer, it's harder to be the first quadrillionaire than it is to be a millionaire. (23:43) That, and it's a metaphor.(23:44) There are no quadrillionaires. (23:45) The point that I'm making, though, is the higher the goal, the more distinctions you need in your equation to get it. (23:52) But if you do have the belief that everything's an equation, like when I, I didn't know anything about how to date when I started, that's for sure.(23:59) And now I understand relationships at a level where I can attract and sustain a great relationship with Amelia. (24:06) I, at one point, couldn't do that. (24:08) Now I can.(24:09) What's different? (24:10) I learned skills. (24:11) I got better.(24:13) I got smarter. (24:13) I understood now what's going on and I figured it out and I'm still figuring it out because I want to go higher and higher and higher. (24:21) If you want to get to the next level, there's always a deeper level you're missing.(24:25) And I don't think we talk about that enough. (24:26) I drew this out for a client recently. (24:28) It's like results.(24:29) It's results are at the top. (24:30) That's what people see. (24:32) Then it's what you do and say.(24:33) And then underneath that iceberg is what you think, feel, and believe. (24:37) And we talked about that. (24:38) You said believe is the most important.(24:40) Agreed. (24:40) Beliefs come from understanding.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:44) Yeah. (24:44) But under the willing to seek understanding, I think it's connected to belief. (24:48) It's fucked.(24:48) The whole thing's jiffed.

Alan Lazaros

(24:49) That's true. (24:49) It's facts.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:51) The whole thing's jiffed.

Alan Lazaros

(24:52) Yeah. (24:52) No belief means no goal. (24:53) No goal means you're not going to go get the understanding, which means you're just going to stay stuck and stumble upon.(24:58) Yeah. (24:59) It's rough. (25:00) Which means you don't listen to this show.(25:01) If you listen to this show, set a goal. (25:02) You want step one? (25:03) Set a goal.(25:04) Step two, work toward it. (25:06) Step three, fail and figure out why. (25:08) And then rinse and repeat.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:10) Rinse and repeat. (25:10) And one of the best ways is to get a coach. (25:13) I know we talk about that all the time, but the most successful people on the planet have coaches.(25:16) Whether they hide them or not, that's completely up to them. (25:19) Why should someone coach with me, in your opinion? (25:22) I'm actually asking.(25:23) Because you're going to get clarity. (25:27) You're going to get accountability. (25:29) You're going to get most likely the answers that you don't have yet.(25:33) Give them the downside and the upside.

Alan Lazaros

(25:35) What's the biggest upside and the biggest downside?

Kevin Palmieri

(25:36) The biggest downside is you're paying the ass and there's always somebody looking over your shoulder. (25:40) Always. (25:41) Whether you like it or not, Alan's always looking over your shoulder.(25:44) And that's exactly what you need. (25:46) That's exactly, that's literally exactly what we all need. (25:49) We need somebody who has the answers, who's looking over our shoulder, who says, hey, based on what you told me you want, not on what I want for you, based on what you specifically, vulnerably told me you want.(26:01) I do not believe that's the best course of action. (26:03) Totally up to you, but you might regret doing it. (26:06) Nice.(26:06) I think that's what we all need, right? (26:09) Cool, man. (26:09) I think that's what we all need.(26:10) So yeah, reach out to Alan and Next Level Fitness Accountability Group. (26:13) Andy's in it. (26:14) Andy's doing his thing, right?(26:16) Getting a little bit better every single day. (26:17) A bunch of people are. (26:18) We are coming up on, what do we have?(26:20) Like four weeks left?

Alan Lazaros

(26:22) Kevin's a paying client of mine. (26:24) Notice how he didn't mention that price was the downside.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:27) Price is the upside, if anything. (26:30) It's definitely not the downside.

Alan Lazaros

(26:32) No, no, it's one of the upsides. (26:33) No, I know. (26:34) I just think that's fascinating because I think what most people might be thinking is like, I could never afford this.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:40) And it's not because I make a boatload of money. (26:43) I mean, it's very affordable. (26:46) It's extremely affordable.(26:47) On purpose. (26:48) To the point where like, for a long time, I was like, hey man, your coaching is too cheap. (26:53) That's how affordable it is.(26:54) No, no, it's, sorry, sorry. (26:56) Too affordable. (26:56) It's not cheap.(26:58) No, it's the finest. (27:01) The finest.

Alan Lazaros

(27:01) The finest cuisine.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:03) All right. (27:03) We'll have the links for both of those in the show notes below. (27:06) As always, we love you.(27:06) We appreciate you. (27:07) Grateful for each and every one of you. (27:08) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single day to help you get there.(27:14) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. (27:16) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (27:20) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(27:23) We mean it when we say family. (27:25) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (27:28) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(27:32) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.