Success Is Selfish (Kind Of) (2515)

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In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros clarify why pursuing meaningful goals can sometimes look selfish to the people around you. Growth requires tradeoffs. Your time, energy, attention, and availability are limited, and not everyone will understand the choices you make to build a better life.

Drawing from their own experiences with changing friendships, family expectations, and building a mission-driven business, Kevin and Alan break down the difference between selfishness and self-leadership. They discuss how to set honest boundaries, communicate changing priorities, and recognize when relationships are no longer aligned with your values or direction. This episode is a grounded look at maturity, accountability, and the real cost of committing to your goals.

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Show notes:
(2:02) Why success can appear selfish
(4:15) Building success that benefits others
(9:44) When goals create relationship tension
(13:11) Taking responsibility for your priorities
(18:15) Honest conversations prevent deeper hurt
(21:14) Setting expectations as your life changes
(23:54) Relationships require shared values and goals
(27:39) Seeing relationships without false narratives
(30:25) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) I do not care how charitable you are with your success. (0:06) At the end of the day, I do believe success is inherently selfish.

Alan Lazaros

(0:12) Success requires you to appear selfish to others, particularly those that are not in alignment with your goals.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:20) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:23) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:24) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros.(0:27) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dreamchasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:34) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:41) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:56) Self-improvement, in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:03) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:09) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,515. (1:12) Success is selfish, kind of. (1:16) I was thinking of...(1:17) Put that in the title. (1:18) Yeah, it's in parentheses. (1:20) Nice.(1:20) Parenthesized it, you know? (1:22) If you... (1:24) This is a good example.(1:27) If you're somebody who is kind of, sort of, in my life, and you only see me on very unique, celebratory occasions, you probably think I'm selfish. (1:40) Because when... (1:41) If I'm away with you, I'm up at six o'clock, and I'm...(1:44) Whatever area I can, and wherever we're staying, I'm working. (1:48) I'm on my phone very often, even when I'm trying to be present. (1:52) There are certain things I will say no to that are fun, that everybody else will say yes to.(1:56) It will come off as inherently selfish. (1:59) Yeah, you'll think I'm selfish. (2:02) Well...(2:03) I had somebody... (2:04) Sorry, go ahead.

Alan Lazaros

(2:04) That's assuming the other person doesn't understand. (2:08) Yes. (2:09) Right.(2:10) You don't know me super well in this. (2:12) And you're not trying to connect the impact you're trying to have. (2:17) Yes.(2:17) Again, that doesn't land for me. (2:19) And again, I know that's not the point. (2:20) But I would notice what you're doing is actually selfless, because you're a podcaster who's trying to help people.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:28) Yeah, but so to your point, you said it really well in the beginning. (2:30) It is going to seem selfish to people that are not in the vortex you're trying to grow.

Alan Lazaros

(2:35) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(2:36) I had somebody... (2:37) You know this person. (2:38) I'll tell you off air.(2:38) I won't say it on air. (2:39) But somebody that has been really good to us, has been a part of the community, is just a really good person doing good stuff in the world. (2:46) And they sent me an audio like a week and a half ago.(2:49) And they were interested in New Hampshire. (2:51) What's New Hampshire life like? (2:53) So I listened to their audio.(2:54) And then I sent them like a seven minute audio back. (2:57) Just explaining like, this is where I am. (2:59) This is what's close.(3:00) This is what the pricing, all this stuff. (3:03) And we exchanged messages back and forth. (3:05) And I said, if you ever want to come, just let me know.(3:07) Like we have a guest room. (3:09) We have an in-law. (3:09) You can literally stay.(3:10) You don't have to pay for housing. (3:12) Just come check it out. (3:13) I'm not going to be available.(3:15) Almost at all probably. (3:16) You can hang with Taryn. (3:17) I'm sure Taryn would love to spend time with you.(3:19) You guys are two peas in a pod. (3:20) And you can go check out spots and see what's what. (3:23) That person is trying to do good in the world.(3:25) They understand me. (3:26) I understand them. (3:28) They're in a similar bucket.(3:31) I wouldn't do that for everybody. (3:34) But that person understands. (3:37) They completely understand.(3:38) That's the thing. (3:39) It's like maybe with other people. (3:41) If I was to say like, yeah, you can come stay.(3:43) I'm not going to be available most likely. (3:45) I'm not going to be like down there to tuck you in every night. (3:47) And I'm going to be busy.(3:49) They might say like, well, I appreciate that. (3:51) But I don't know. (3:52) It seems kind of weird that you're not going to be there for me.(3:54) It's like, well, I don't know. (3:56) I want to give you the opportunity to stay. (3:59) I can't guarantee you're going to have a compadre the whole time.(4:03) But to that person, I don't think it seems selfish.

Alan Lazaros

(4:08) I hate this conversation.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:09) Oh, I know. (4:10) That's why we got to do it.

Alan Lazaros

(4:11) That's why we got to do it. (4:12) Important. (4:13) It's an important conversation.(4:15) Hear the saying, they would give you the shirt off their back. (4:22) So not intelligent to do that. (4:25) That's hard for me.(4:27) Yeah, I know.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:28) That's hard for me.

Alan Lazaros

(4:29) Yeah. (4:32) Or you could be contributing in a way that is profitable. (4:39) And you could buy them a shirt and keep yours too.(4:43) I think that that's a, again, a metaphor. (4:50) But it's very short-sighted to believe that having goals is selfish. (4:54) It makes you appear selfish in the short term.(4:57) What if your goals are to change the world in a positive way? (5:02) I still don't think... (5:02) Emilia wanted to go up and help with the fires.(5:10) And there are so many people that probably think she's selfish. (5:17) Because for some reason, I've never been able to sufficiently explain this. (5:26) You and I can do more good in the world.(5:28) This is going to be hard to share. (5:30) You and I can do more good in the world with a for-profit company than we can with a charity. (5:35) Can we unpack that?

Kevin Palmieri

(5:37) I would challenge you to because I probably don't know it well enough to unpack it.

Alan Lazaros

(5:42) All right. (5:43) If you don't understand for-profit businesses, you can't understand why it is actually more selfless. (5:54) I don't want to say more selfless.(5:55) As selfless. (5:56) It can be. (5:56) It isn't always.(5:57) Some for-profit companies are terrible for the world. (6:00) Like, let's make that clear. (6:01) Let's make that clear.(6:02) Okay. (6:03) Some for-profit companies are atrocious and shouldn't even be in existence, in my opinion. (6:07) Okay.(6:09) A hardcore example of that would be cigarette companies. (6:11) Okay. (6:13) A cigarette company sells you a pack of cigarettes at an insane profit margin, and it is a win for the company, and it is a win for the government because they tax it, but it is a lose for the consumer.(6:29) So you hurt your health and pay me to do it, and the government gets paid too. (6:35) Just an example. (6:37) That's called a win-lose-win relationship.(6:41) So the more successful the cigarette company becomes, the more people smoke cigarettes, the more people die of lung cancer, and the more revenue the cigarette company has, and the more revenue the government has through taxes. (6:53) And it's not all bad, even though it is bad, because employees do have jobs. (6:58) Okay.(6:59) So there's farmers that tobacco the whole night. (7:01) Now, I'm not here to preach. (7:03) I'm not doing that.(7:04) What I will say is the principle. (7:05) I just want to understand the principle. (7:07) A win-win-win company is what we try to do.(7:12) Next level university. (7:14) Let's say I have a coaching client. (7:15) We'll use Nina.(7:16) Nina, shout out to you. (7:17) Nina pays me for coaching, so I win. (7:21) The NLU team wins.(7:25) The NLU company wins. (7:27) The owners win, you and I. (7:29) Nina also wins, bigger than us for sure, because of my price being so damn low.(7:35) And then when Nina wins, she's a good person. (7:39) Her company grows, which is good for the world. (7:41) So it's a win-win-win-win-win, and we pay taxes so the government wins too.(7:47) We call it a win-win-win. (7:48) It has to be a win for the world first, a win for the client second, and a win for us third. (7:56) That's the NLUA.(7:57) And I designed that that way so that we would be the change we wish to see in the world. (8:02) Because the change I want to see in the world is if every company did that. (8:06) Because sometimes it's a win-win-win, lose for the environment.(8:11) It's a win for the consumer, win for the owner, win for the profit share, win for the investor, but lose for the earth. (8:19) Okay, so how do you create a win-win-win and mitigate the downside? (8:24) And I'm trying my best to do that, which is why, dude, every company has a carbon footprint, by the way.(8:29) Ours is unbelievably low. (8:31) We might have the lowest carbon footprint of any company, maybe almost ever. (8:35) And I never talked to you about that.(8:36) I probably should have. (8:37) We both have electric cars, right? (8:40) I mean, obviously, we're using electricity right now.(8:43) But for the most part, our carbon footprint is very low, okay? (8:48) So we are a part of the solution. (8:50) I'm trying to be a part of the solution.(8:51) I can't do something that isn't because I will hate myself. (8:54) But ultimately, that's my point, is if we grow the company by helping people become better people, best versions of themselves, and we make money doing that, and then we reinvest a portion of that money into ourselves and into the company and into team and into tools and training and equipment, we can make the world a better place. (9:14) That's called the positive ripple effect.(9:19) That is actually more good for the world than we could do with just a charity. (9:24) That's the truth. (9:25) That is my truth.(9:26) We have a charity, too. (9:27) We have a charity, too. (9:28) And we invest half and we match.(9:33) But we're doing way more good with NLU than we are with our charity, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:38) Absolutely. (9:38) It's not even close. (9:39) The impact is a hundred times, at least.(9:40) That's the thing, is a lot of it's invisible, quote, unquote.

Alan Lazaros

(9:43) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(9:44) That's the thing. (9:44) And people think you're selfish, which is alarming. (9:47) Well, a lot of the things that seem the most selfless, it's like, yeah, you might see somebody do something for a couple hours, but you don't know what's happening beyond that.(9:57) Beyond that. (9:57) But I think the biggest, the most important thing that I can state in this episode is if it doesn't seemingly, even if you're out there trying to do your thing and you're trying to change your family's life and you're trying to change the world and you're trying to change, whatever, you're trying to improve and improve and improve. (10:13) If the people closest to you do not feel an improvement also directly, that's where things get wonky.(10:19) Yeah, agreed. (10:20) Because it's like, well, you're not going to fucking change the world. (10:22) So why can't you, why can't I get more of you?(10:25) It's like, well, no, I mean, everybody's changing the world in their own unique way. (10:28) First of all, so how dare you? (10:31) But I understand.(10:33) I do. (10:34) I get it. (10:35) Why?

Alan Lazaros

(10:37) You get it. (10:38) You're not making it okay, but you get it. (10:40) So it's shallow thinking though.(10:43) Some people actually are selfish. (10:45) I think it's survival. (10:46) Usually the people that are upset that you can't be at their birthday, those are the people that are actually significance driven and selfish.(10:54) Yeah. (10:55) Not always, not always.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:56) I understand.

Alan Lazaros

(10:56) Not always.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:57) I understand.

Alan Lazaros

(10:58) Like, I just, it's so ironic how the most selfless people sometimes get the most shit for it. (11:04) For sure. (11:06) For sure.(11:06) And it's just a lack of understanding. (11:08) It's errors in people's thinking. (11:09) It's shallow thinking.(11:10) They're not thinking about the whole equation.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:11) But I think that's an important thing for you out there, whether you're watching or listening. (11:15) Maybe you're, maybe this is something relatively new to you. (11:18) Like maybe you're getting pushback on something.(11:21) One of the reasons I think about this is the 10 pound and 10 week challenge or the next level fitness accountability group in general. (11:28) For a lot, for some people, you're rerouting a lot of your life to do that. (11:32) Yeah, for sure.(11:33) And the people in your life might think like, well, I remember when I was doing bodybuilding and I went to somebody's wedding or I went to somebody's birthday. (11:39) It was like, don't you fucking dare get frustrated with me. (11:42) I don't care.(11:43) You want the money. (11:44) How much did you pay for my plate? (11:45) You want me to give it to you?(11:46) Fine. (11:47) I don't care. (11:47) Like, what are we doing here?(11:48) At least I'm here. (11:50) Would you rather me not come? (11:51) Yeah.(11:52) I'd rather not come personally. (11:53) I don't even fucking know you, but I'm here. (11:56) I love it.(11:57) I'm here and I got my Tupperware. (11:58) Yeah, baby. (11:59) I'm sorry I've inconvenienced you because I have goals, right?(12:02) Like, of course. (12:04) But there'd be some people out there that'd be like, well, you can't just like, for the day, for them. (12:09) It's like, I can also understand how you might think that's selfish.(12:12) I can get it. (12:14) I can, I can. (12:15) They spent $50,000 on this wedding and here I roll in with my Tupperware and my chicken and rice and I'm like, hey, you guys got a fucking microwave so I can nuke this fish.

Alan Lazaros

(12:23) I understand why they feel that way. (12:25) And it's a lack of awareness, obviously.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:28) I know, I know.

Alan Lazaros

(12:29) But I, you know me, I do. (12:31) I just don't want to validate everyone's nonsense.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:34) I'm not validating. (12:35) I want to be able to see it.

Alan Lazaros

(12:36) Yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:37) You got to see it. (12:38) I see it and I understand it and I think if you're out there and you're doing something (12:43) and you're getting a lot of pushback from people, they're probably hurt that they don't (12:48) see themselves, they don't see you making as much, and this is in quotations for those (12:54) just listening, effort towards your relationship with them as you're making towards your goals (13:00) and your dreams and your passions and the things that fulfill you.

Alan Lazaros

(13:02) This is exactly it, man. (13:04) I'm so glad we're talking about this. (13:05) I wasn't at the beginning, but I am now because I feel like we got somewhere with this.(13:11) The 3.7 version of Allen 37, going to be 38 in November, has decided in advance to accept full responsibility for saying, I did choose my goals and dreams over you. (13:28) I did. (13:28) Now, those goals and dreams were available to you.(13:33) The podcast is free. (13:34) I've been doing a book club every week for... (13:37) And so just so you know, you've chosen to...(13:40) Yes, I've chosen to sail away towards my goals and dreams. (13:43) I have. (13:43) That is a choice I made and I take full responsibility for that.(13:47) And there are a lot of ways that you and I could have stayed connected. (13:52) And I'm not going to take responsibility for the lack of action on your part too. (13:57) And so at the end of the day, I do think this is the hardest part about being successful and having goals and dreams is the people that you love, the people that you grew up with, they will have a really hard time with you not being available.(14:18) And I think that we all have time, effort, and money. (14:23) And we have finite amounts of time and effort. (14:26) Money is technically infinite, but it's still finite, semi-finite.(14:31) Where you invest your time, effort, and money is your decision. (14:35) And there are implications to those decisions. (14:37) And when you're young, you're so naive.(14:40) I was so naive. (14:41) I thought that I could be friends with tons of people. (14:47) You were friends with the baseball kids.(14:49) I was friends with the kids who liked Halo and the nerds. (14:52) Like someone I played video games with when I was younger, who we were very close. (14:59) And I haven't seen him in years.(15:00) And if I run into him, it would be energetic love. (15:05) And it would be sort of a nod of like, yep, but don't, we're not going to do this. (15:10) And it's just take care.(15:11) I wish you the best. (15:13) I am mature enough to know that we can't have sleepovers like we did when we were 12 playing Halo all night. (15:19) And yes, Halo Combat Evolved remake is out.(15:22) And I, trust me, I want to play too, but I'm a goddamn adult. (15:25) So I need to not. (15:26) And I have responsibilities.(15:28) So at the end of the day, dude, I don't think anyone ever avoids this. (15:35) I think this is something we all have to face. (15:39) I have so many people, cousins, friends.(15:44) There's only two members of my family that came back from my mom's side. (15:47) I don't, I never really had a family. (15:48) I kind of lost three families by the time I was 14.(15:50) And that's a whole long story. (15:51) But there's some people that are upset that I can't be in their life and it sucks. (15:57) And you don't get both.(15:58) That's what maturity is. (15:59) You don't get both. (16:01) You don't get both.(16:02) You have to choose. (16:03) And choosing is hard, but that's also how you become a grownup. (16:06) Well, and it shows that people think you're valuable too.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:08) Nobody is missing the person who isn't valuable.

Alan Lazaros

(16:11) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:11) I don't want to hang out with the person who isn't valuable. (16:13) So that's a good thing in a way. (16:15) As much as it sucks, it doesn't feel good.

Alan Lazaros

(16:17) I know we got to go. (16:18) Let's unpack that briefly. (16:19) You said to someone way back, Hey, we're not gonna be able to spend time together anymore.(16:27) And she was very upset. (16:29) She said, I'm so excited. (16:30) We're going to be able to hang out more.(16:31) And you said, we're going to be able to hang out less. (16:34) And you tried to explain to her, the reason you want to hang out with me is because you can't. (16:39) And there's some truth to that.(16:41) It's like, I'm not upset that I can't call Glenn Powell right now. (16:47) You know what I mean? (16:48) Yeah.(16:50) How dumb do you have to be to be upset by that? (16:52) He has other shit going on. (16:55) And I think it's very shallow thinking to believe that you should be able to get a hold of him.(17:01) And it's entitlement. (17:03) That's what it is. (17:03) It is.(17:04) It's entitlement. (17:04) If you're upset that Glenn Powell doesn't answer your texts, you are entitled.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:08) Well, I'm not Glenn. (17:09) I was not. (17:10) I am not and was not Glenn Powell at this point in time.

Alan Lazaros

(17:12) It's the principle though.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:13) I know, I know.

Alan Lazaros

(17:14) I just picked someone random, right? (17:16) But there has to be a conversation around that.

Kevin Palmieri

(17:24) The hard part is the only reason... (17:28) So this was a person, we had gone to an event and this person was there.

Alan Lazaros

(17:33) And they hadn't seen you in a year or two, right?

Kevin Palmieri

(17:35) Something like that. (17:36) And they were like, I'm so excited. (17:38) You know, I almost never see you and now we'll be able to see each other so much more.(17:44) And I was like, honestly, the only reason we're even seeing each other is because we have this common thing that we're doing right now. (17:48) And the only reason I have this and you have this common thing that we're doing is because we have goals that are in alignment with this. (17:53) We got to go back to the goals in alignment piece and we got to do our own thing to get closer to our goals.(17:58) And that's not going to bring us closer to each other, most likely. (18:01) How'd you know that? (18:03) I, dude, I've always kind of been on that.

Alan Lazaros

(18:06) You popped that balloon very quickly. (18:09) I wouldn't have done that and it would have been a mistake. (18:12) It would have caused more harm.(18:13) You just popped the balloon very quickly.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:15) I felt very bad.

Alan Lazaros

(18:16) But I'd rather feel bad in that moment than feel bad for years. (18:19) Right. (18:19) I mean, you, you just, you just, you notice that and immediately I call it popping the balloon.(18:23) Like whenever I see delusion in people, particularly people I'm close with, particularly clients, because delusion is devastation. (18:31) I mean, if you're delusional, you're, you're fucked. (18:33) So when I see like an error in thinking, it's like a balloon over someone's head.(18:37) I have to take a little needle and say, Hey, Kev, do you mind if I, it's like when you call me fat, it's like, you need to, I'm getting a little delusional and you're, you're like, okay, I gotta, I gotta, you know, I'm not trying to knock you down. (18:48) I just, I want to help you.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:50) Level set. (18:50) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(18:51) I get a level set.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:52) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(18:52) So you, you did a good job with that, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:54) That was, I appreciate it.

Alan Lazaros

(18:55) Yeah. (18:55) That was, that was really important because I didn't do that with that person. (19:00) And I think I caused more hurt than I should have.(19:03) And if that happened now, I would have said, listen, like it's not going to happen. (19:07) And by the way, don't take it personal. (19:09) It's not like I have a bunch of friends, right?(19:10) You know, it's like, it's not just you, right?

Kevin Palmieri

(19:12) It's like, yeah, it's hard. (19:15) That's the hardest part. (19:16) I'm telling you.(19:16) Like the, I think the hardest part of now, again, I've said the relationship piece is easy. (19:20) I don't mean it's easy. (19:21) I mean, I have a weird relationship with it and I've been abandoned by most of the people in my life.(19:26) So I'm not really afraid of losing people for whatever reason. (19:28) I'm not saying that's right, but I think that's one of the hardest parts of this whole journey because it's not just you versus you, it's you versus you versus somebody's feelings versus their awareness of their feelings and things get fucked. (19:39) They just get entangled and it just screws things up.

Alan Lazaros

(19:42) People with goals are in the minority. (19:45) If you look at the stat, even if that stats remotely true.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:48) Yeah. (19:49) Yeah, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(19:49) 4% out of every hundred. (19:51) That's four out of every hundred people have clear written goals with a number tied to it. (19:55) You automatically are going to be the pain in the ass because you're not going to be available for most of the stuff.(20:01) Like Amelia and I've been talking a lot about starting our family and, you know, next steps and next home marriage, starting family. (20:10) How many children? (20:10) The whole nine.(20:12) And I'm trying to design my life where I can be a present father in advance, years in advance. (20:18) I'm trying to make sure that we design the tribe, so to speak, so that our kids have their grandparents in their life. (20:26) And that's all very proactive.(20:28) People think like, you just didn't want kids. (20:30) No, no, no. (20:30) I didn't want kids till my, I said mid thirties, forties, since I was 20.(20:37) That wasn't my plan. (20:39) I don't want to have kids when I'm in my twenties. (20:40) I don't.(20:41) And I think that's fine for some people, if that's your choice. (20:44) Right. (20:45) And, or it just happened, but like, I'm not interested.(20:48) I think that's a terrible idea for me, for me, I think in my twenties, you still are a child. (20:53) Right. (20:53) So at the end of the day, my point of this is you have to choose and take responsibility for those.(21:01) See, when you have kids, though, people understand why you can't be available. (21:06) When you have goals, no one can see they're visible. (21:09) You don't get the excuse in their mind.(21:11) Right. (21:11) So you just have to get, here's what I'm going to say. (21:14) You have big goals.(21:15) You will get bludgeoned with this. (21:16) You will try to be as upfront as you can try to be as clear as you can try to set expectations the best you can. (21:23) But at the end of the day, people are just going to be very upset and especially entitled people who don't understand that it's not fucking high school anymore.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:32) I think you can get really good at, there's two things. (21:35) You can get really good at lying. (21:38) And again, I'm not saying I do or don't condone that.(21:42) That's a fucking bandaid, man. (21:44) Well, no, no, I know. (21:45) I definitely think, but I think in the beginning, if you have to like fib your way out of things, I'm okay with it in the beginning.(21:51) Look, like, like. (21:52) All four of my tires were slashed. (21:54) Like a railing.

Alan Lazaros

(21:55) Can't make it.

Kevin Palmieri

(21:56) Like a railing. (21:57) But with the thought of getting to the point where you can tell more truth. (22:02) And you're going to have to get thick skin because people.(22:04) I'll last thing before we go. (22:07) I had a really good friend sent me a, we were talking about something on the podcast. (22:11) It was kind of about, I don't think it was about them.(22:14) It was like my biggest takeaways from the year or something. (22:18) I don't think this podcast was good for them. (22:21) No, I agree.(22:22) But it was like my biggest takeaways from the year. (22:25) And I was talking about how I don't really like my friend group has shrunk and it sucks, but it is what it is. (22:30) And I'm okay with it.(22:31) And they DM'ed me and said, oh, so like all the time we spent together was whatever. (22:36) And am I ever going to get that version of Kev again? (22:38) And initially I was like, fuck you, man.(22:40) You have no fucking clue. (22:41) Like you have no, of course, but of course you don't. (22:43) Right?(22:43) But you can't get the 16 year old Kev back. (22:46) Trust me. (22:46) I wish I could get the 16 year old Kev back sometimes.(22:49) Very, very, in very small amounts. (22:51) So then I thought and I was like, all right, I want to, what do I express? (22:55) And I sent them an audio back and just said like, hey man, no, I, we didn't lose all those times.(23:00) Those things all very much still matter to me. (23:02) I have very unique, specific goals. (23:07) I am grinding my face off.(23:09) I am broke as shit. (23:11) I can't provide for my family. (23:13) I'm working every single day.(23:16) I don't have time for myself. (23:18) Nevermind anybody else. (23:20) No, our relationship can never be what it was again.(23:22) Nice. (23:23) If we can find a common ground on something that we both value, that's sustainable, I'm all for that. (23:27) But I, it can never be the way it was again, because I'm not the same person I was, and neither are you, neither are you.(23:33) And nobody else is going to tell you that. (23:35) And we had a, we were connected for a couple of years after that. (23:39) Very, very not, it was, you know, it wasn't.(23:43) Didn't you both just watch UFC? (23:44) Yeah, we watched UFC and we would like, we would message back and forth during the fights. (23:48) I don't watch UFC anymore.(23:49) If that was our commonality, there kind of goes that relationship unfortunately, right?

Alan Lazaros

(23:54) Relationships are built on common goals or common core values.

Kevin Palmieri

(23:56) They are.

Alan Lazaros

(23:57) You and I see each other twice a year. (23:59) Next to the Hope Foundation, right? (24:01) It's like, and that's, people think that's weird.(24:05) They think that's super weird.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:06) I understand. (24:07) I mean. (24:07) We're weird.(24:08) It's all good. (24:09) Well, you know, if you guys weren't doing the podcast together, you wouldn't talk. (24:12) It's like, yeah.(24:14) Well, yeah. (24:16) You think that hurts me? (24:18) Yeah.(24:19) Trying to use that against me?

Alan Lazaros

(24:20) But brother, I think that's a level of candor that you and I, I'm so glad that we have such a mature candor. (24:29) Like, I don't want to live in pretend land. (24:32) Like, yeah, yeah.(24:34) That's very mature, I think. (24:36) I think it's really mature, I do.

Kevin Palmieri

(24:38) I don't know. (24:38) For me, it feels very normal because we've just been that, we've had that conversation so many times. (24:45) Not like behind the scenes, like, hey.

Alan Lazaros

(24:46) You've always known this though. (24:48) I mean, of all the people in my life that get less of me, you're the most okay with it. (24:52) I think I most expect it.(24:54) Yeah. (24:55) Which is because you've always been pretty, I think you've, real quick, let me just share this. (25:02) Kev didn't know a bunch of stuff.(25:04) I mean, it's not like you knew much. (25:05) With love, you knew, you did great. (25:07) Awesome.(25:08) Congratulations. (25:08) Like you knew, you were young. (25:10) You were young.(25:10) Very rarely do I come out of here looking good. (25:14) Real quick. (25:15) You always had this.(25:16) You literally said to me, Alan, you're not going to be hanging out with them in 20 years. (25:19) Well, I couldn't possibly. (25:20) Not a chance.(25:21) Yeah, I couldn't possibly. (25:22) And I was like, yeah, I guess not. (25:25) But I had a misunderstanding.(25:27) My misunderstanding was they, I thought they had bigger goals and dreams. (25:30) I thought they wanted to grow too. (25:31) And by the way, a lot of them do act like they are into growth.(25:34) And you're like, Alan, they're not into growth like you are. (25:36) And it's like, what do you fucking mean, man? (25:38) Like they all act like they are.(25:40) And he's like, there's levels. (25:42) So you had this, this you had, man.

Kevin Palmieri

(25:45) I think a lot of that self-preservation. (25:47) One of the things was like, I'm afraid Alan said, I'm afraid I'm going to outgrow you. (25:50) It's like, you are to a degree for sure.(25:51) I can't fucking keep up with you. (25:53) Of course, you're going to outgrow me to a degree. (25:55) I'm going to try to fucking keep up.(25:56) I'm going to work every day to keep up. (25:59) But Jesus, man, what do you think this is?

Alan Lazaros

(26:02) That is not the normal reaction, though. (26:04) You had this locked on, man. (26:06) Well, I think everybody else does the opposite.(26:09) You were locked in with this. (26:10) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:10) Well, I think it's a self-preservation thing more than anything, honestly. (26:13) Yeah, fair. (26:14) Well, either way, I take the goddamn compliment.(26:16) I appreciate it. (26:17) I am the best. (26:18) Thank you so much.

Alan Lazaros

(26:18) Yeah, no, I can take one. (26:20) I appreciate it. (26:21) I'm the best at everything.(26:22) You had this, though. (26:24) Looking good for once. (26:25) Why did you have this?(26:26) What do you give to other people? (26:27) Like, why did you have this? (26:28) Because give this to the listeners.(26:30) Maybe we didn't know. (26:31) I didn't know. (26:32) Dude, I knew a lot of stuff.(26:33) I didn't know this. (26:35) Everybody acts like they have big goals and dreams.

Kevin Palmieri

(26:37) Everybody acts like they're going to achieve their dreams. (26:41) People tell you what they have to tell you to keep you in the room. (26:44) Of course.(26:45) That's fucking sales, baby. (26:48) That's sales. (26:49) That is.(26:49) That's misaligned sales 101. (26:51) Say whatever to get people in the room, and then say a little bit better to keep them, and then get it done.

Alan Lazaros

(26:56) I think most people...

Kevin Palmieri

(26:57) I was gullible. (26:59) I think the... (27:00) Was I gullible?(27:00) You're super. (27:01) Maybe the most, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(27:02) Super gullible.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:03) But it's because you meant well, and you wanted to help people.

Alan Lazaros

(27:06) I wanted to believe, baby. (27:07) I was a believer. (27:09) I was a believer.(27:09) I'm kidding.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:10) Having the goal to help as many people as you can is fucking dangerous.

Alan Lazaros

(27:14) Yeah, it is.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:15) When people know that, they will pretend that they want your help. (27:17) It is fucking dangerous. (27:19) Last thing before we go, only because you asked me the question.(27:21) Tell me that shit 11 years too late, man. (27:23) I've been telling you that. (27:24) I know, I'm kidding.(27:25) Mother goose. (27:25) I've been telling you that. (27:29) I think at the end of the day, yeah, I think I've always kind of been of the mind that everybody is in a relationship for a specific reason.(27:39) Yeah. (27:40) And the reason isn't what you think. (27:43) Unless you're...(27:44) I always go back to the friends with benefits thing.

Alan Lazaros

(27:47) God. (27:48) The reason is... (27:49) No, no, I'm not making it wrong.(27:50) It's just, that's your example.

Kevin Palmieri

(27:52) I think it's one of the best examples because if done correctly with actual intention, I do believe it can work. (28:00) Unless... (28:00) I think that's if everyone thinks like you, should never work for me, man.(28:05) How would I know that they don't? (28:08) That's the thing, right? (28:09) Like, I'm telling you...

Alan Lazaros

(28:09) I don't think you get lied to as much.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:11) Probably not. (28:12) But I think I always understood. (28:14) I always tried to understand that relationships are always...(28:17) The reason people are in relationships is because they are getting something.

Alan Lazaros

(28:21) Yeah, it's a win-win. (28:21) It's supposed to be a win-win.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:23) It's supposed to be, but if it's a win for them first, they'll be in the relationship.

Alan Lazaros

(28:28) Yeah, yeah, it's... (28:29) You're right. (28:30) Parasitic relationship versus symbiotic.(28:34) It's supposed to be a win-win. (28:36) And when it's not a win-win anymore, it's supposed to go.

Kevin Palmieri

(28:39) The other thing too, I've always been extremely honest about the relationships that I was born into that I didn't have choice of. (28:45) I don't... (28:46) I've never deluded myself into thinking like, yeah, no, everything was normal and everything was great.(28:51) It was awesome. (28:52) Totally normal. (28:53) Like, I...(28:55) No. (28:56) Why? (28:59) Why?(29:00) What does that do?

Alan Lazaros

(29:02) What is that going to get me? (29:04) It protects you from harsh realities. (29:06) No, it doesn't.(29:07) No, it doesn't. (29:08) The harsh reality already happens. (29:09) I didn't say it effectively does.(29:10) It already happens. (29:11) It temporarily does. (29:13) No.(29:13) Yeah, rose-colored glasses are not good. (29:16) They're short-term wins for long-term losses, yeah. (29:19) You gotta...(29:20) You didn't have rose-colored glasses with that.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:22) I tried not to.

Alan Lazaros

(29:23) Yeah, strong work. (29:24) I tried not to.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:25) I appreciate it.

Alan Lazaros

(29:25) That you knew better than I did, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

(29:27) Well, there are many things that I don't know better than Alan Lazarus. (29:29) And if you want some information on those things, which is like math, success, anything almost external, Alan's your guy, so reach out to him for coaching. (29:37) As you heard in the last episode, super affordable, not cheap.(29:41) We only do affordable around here. (29:42) And it's the best coaching you're gonna get. (29:45) I had somebody send me something and he's like, hey, we should go to this coaching thing with one of the most well-known coaches on the planet.(29:53) It's $5,000. (29:54) And in my head, I was like, I'm not... (29:55) That's a fucking waste of money.(29:57) Not gonna do it. (29:57) I'm good. (29:58) I got Alan.(29:59) Don't need it. (30:00) Don't need it. (30:00) Not gonna tell him that quite yet.(30:03) But like... (30:03) I coach him too. (30:04) I know.(30:05) I know. (30:06) Well, he should fucking know already. (30:08) Yeah, he should.(30:09) Next Level Fitness Accountability Group. (30:10) If you want to be more consistent, more accountable, more on track with fitness, right? (30:15) That's the name of the game.(30:17) I'm not saying you're gonna be the best shape you've ever been, but I am saying you will make progress towards the goal that you have set and you'll have the accountability of the group to help you get there. (30:25) All right. (30:25) As always, we love you, appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you.(30:27) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to Next Level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(30:33) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(30:35) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (30:39) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(30:42) We mean it when we say family. (30:44) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (30:47) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(30:51) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.