If You’re Doing It For The Wrong Reasons, Results Don’t Ever Come (2527)

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Build goals you can respect. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan discuss the hidden cost of pursuing goals for the wrong reasons. Recognition, approval, and the desire to prove people wrong can feel powerful at first. But when those are your only reasons, discipline becomes fragile and success can feel empty. They break down how to look beneath your goals and ask what is truly driving you. Is it pressure, insecurity, expectation, or a meaningful desire to grow?

This episode offers a practical perspective on motivation, personal identity, and long-term consistency. The strongest goals are not built on what others will think of you. They are built on self-respect, clear values, and reasons that still matter when no one is watching.

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NLU is more than a podcast. From the Next Level Dreamliner to Group Coaching, we provide tools and communities to help you grow with more clarity, consistency, and accountability.

Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(1:11) Why the wrong reasons fail
(3:40) When significance drives your goals
(8:12) Choosing long-term self-respect
(9:21) Find your deeper reasons
(10:02) Alignment prevents achievement resentment
(11:42) Doing difficult work with purpose
(15:39) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) If you are doing something for the wrong reason, I would bet money that you are either A, not going to accomplish it, or B, you are going to accomplish it and regret doing it in the first place.

Alan Lazaros

(0:11) If you're doing something for significance and you're telling yourself a story, you're doing it for deeper, more virtuous reasons, you're not gonna follow through or do it long-term when significance doesn't come.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:23) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:25) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:27) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros.(0:30) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no-BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:37) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:43) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:59) Self-improvement in your pocket every day from anywhere, completely free. (1:06) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:11) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,527. (1:15) If you're doing it for the wrong reasons, results don't ever come. (1:20) And if they do, they are empty vanity, and we don't want that.(1:25) I have an example of myself, and it's sad, but I've talked about it before. (1:35) When I was training to fight professionally, I wanted to be a professional mixed martial arts fighter, and this was in like 2008. (1:45) This was pre-everybody knowing about mixed martial arts and UFC going super big and all that stuff.(1:52) Now more than ever, I realize that one of the reasons I wanted to do it was because it was cool to talk about it. (2:00) I was passionate about it and I was pretty good at it, but I didn't want it as bad as some of the other people there. (2:05) I wanted to talk about it.(2:08) I definitely talked about it more than the people who are in there every day getting after it getting better. (2:14) And it's not a coincidence that I stopped doing it, and it's not a coincidence that I limited my amount of growth there, and it's not a coincidence that other people got better than I did faster than I did. (2:30) And it's also not a coincidence that I felt like shit about myself when it came to it.(2:34) Like I think that's a pretty big piece of it. (2:37) I was doing it for the wrong reasons. (2:39) I was doing it for more for vanity than for reality, and I think that that's a really shallow pursuit.(2:46) And even if I did accomplish what I wanted to, I don't think I would have felt good about it because I would have known that I didn't give it all my effort. (2:53) Other thing, real quick. (2:54) Second, so I did a bodybuilding show.(2:57) Hated it, fucking terrible experience. (2:59) Good buddy of mine, Matt, was like, hey, I'm gonna do a bodybuilding show. (3:02) We should do it together.(3:03) And I was like, yeah, man, I'll do it. (3:05) And that was not a good enough reason to put myself through that mayhem and stress again. (3:11) That ended up me, I got one of my cheat meals that my coach gave me was a half a pint of Ben and Jerry's.(3:18) What a glorious cheat meal that was. (3:22) That night, I couldn't fall asleep. (3:24) I said, fuck this, I'm not doing this bodybuilding show.(3:25) I went down and ate the rest of the Ben and Jerry's, texted my coach, and said, I'm done, I'm fucking done. (3:30) And then I texted Matt, and I was like, dude, I can't do this, this is not good for me. (3:34) The reason wasn't big enough.(3:36) It wasn't a big enough reason for me, which it was not, right, so that's what we're talking about.

Alan Lazaros

(3:40) We shouldn't do things for one reason, and I think we gotta stack the reasons. (3:45) And I do think that when you're young, I do think that a lot of times you have goals that are based on significance. (3:56) Like, there was a time in my life, the worst time.(4:01) Oh, so bad, so bad. (4:04) Stepdad left, we were broke. (4:09) How do we keep the house and the family?(4:13) Mom gets in a fight with my Aunt Sandy, that whole family ostracizes us. (4:21) I'm, my sister moves out, a whole bunch of other stuff I don't even wanna talk about. (4:26) I'm working at a golf course as a cart kid and a busboy.(4:34) And I'll never forget, I think I told this story once, I burnt the buns, it's like a nice, fairly high-end restaurant, I burnt the buns. (4:42) And his name was Greg, he was twice my size at the time. (4:46) Beat your ass now, Greg.(4:47) But he threw the buns at me in front of people, it was so humiliating. (4:53) He's like, you burnt the buns, he's throwing them at me? (4:55) Oh, so bad, so bad, not okay.(4:58) And I just felt like such a loser. (5:01) There's this girl, Jessica, she was dating one of the head chefs there. (5:04) And I couldn't get her to talk to me or look at me.(5:07) I mean, it was just bad, right? (5:10) And I remember thinking, I'm gonna fucking come back by this place and burn it to the fucking ground. (5:19) And I'm gonna beat that shit out of you, Greg.(5:21) But anyways, so playfully, I think back then some goals do come from feeling insignificant. (5:31) And that wasn't the only reason I wanted to be successful, trust me, but there was some of it, for sure, for sure. (5:37) It's like, you're gonna choose this guy?(5:40) This dude is like, I'm pretty sure he's a drug dealer. (5:43) You know, like, come on, I'm the sure thing. (5:46) You know, Jessica was beautiful.(5:48) Give me 20 years. (5:49) Yeah, give me 20 years, I swear you're gonna regret not wanting to date me. (5:55) God, it's so much better on this end, it's not even funny.(5:58) I gotta remember that every now and then. (6:00) But anyways, so, and Emilia is a million times that woman. (6:04) But what I will say is, I started out with, of course, some goals and dreams that were predicated on being insignificant and being unseen and being bullied.(6:14) Of course, of course, baby. (6:18) That's not the only reason.

Kevin Palmieri

(6:20) Well, sometimes you get rewarded for that. (6:23) What do you mean? (6:23) That's the, I remember, so I used to run the town loop in the town that we grew up in.(6:29) And I always, you think I'm wearing a shirt when I'm running, you got me fucked up, not a chance. (6:34) Absolutely not a chance, not a chance. (6:37) And I got a message from a very beautiful young lady one time who like, she said, hey, is that you I see running around?(6:46) The shirtless one? (6:47) Yeah, yeah, that's me, yep. (6:49) It's something, my uncle knew her or something?(6:51) Yeah. (6:51) And she very, so would she have ever known me? (6:54) She didn't see me running around with my shirt off?(6:57) Don't know, don't know. (6:59) That was a shallow significance-driven thing, for sure.

Alan Lazaros

(7:05) Yeah, young men, they want significance so bad. (7:09) And even people who pretend that they don't, that's been one thing that's interesting is like, the more quote-unquote successful I get, the more people I can tell that they, it makes them feel more significant to be in my corner. (7:28) I'm not making that wrong, I just, this is what we do, we outgrow.(7:36) Listen, if you wanna be significant and seen and successful and loved and prove the naysayers wrong, all that, I think you need it, you do. (7:45) Like that is part of the journey. (7:48) You set goals and dreams to matter.(7:52) I think that's really what it is underneath. (7:54) You wanna matter. (7:56) Right?(7:57) At that time in my life, I felt like I didn't matter. (8:00) I didn't matter enough to keep my family together. (8:02) I didn't matter enough at school.(8:04) I didn't matter enough at work. (8:06) You know, I didn't matter. (8:07) I was an insignificant, overlooked, little fucking loser.(8:10) And that's the reality. (8:12) And so what do you do with that? (8:14) You either let it destroy you and you try to find these like terrible, short-term ways to get significance by drinking or drugs or whatever, or you build a life that you play the long game.(8:29) You play the long game. (8:30) And I remember thinking like, I was kind of joking about buying it and burning it to the ground. (8:34) I was definitely joking, okay?(8:35) That was me being playful. (8:36) But the truth is, I did plan on being wealthy enough to buy it. (8:40) And I still do.(8:42) And I think that there's something to that. (8:44) So I don't wanna say you shouldn't have significance and a desire for significance at all. (8:51) I do think you should want to matter.(8:53) I do think you should want your life to matter. (8:55) And it is better when it does, for sure. (8:57) But what you really need is self-belief, self-worth, self-efficacy, self-development, self-improvement, self-actualization.(9:09) What you really want is self-respect. (9:11) And I remember one time when I was a fitness coach, I had a client and I had him write down the 25 whys, is what we would call this. (9:22) I want you to write down 25 reasons why you wanna be in shape.(9:25) And this is very illuminating. (9:27) Do this. (9:28) Anyone out there listening, do this.(9:33) Why do you wanna be in shape? (9:36) And he came back and thanked me. (9:37) And he said, I didn't realize how many reasons I had.(9:40) And the truth is, most of the shallow reasons aren't gonna get it done. (9:44) That's the thing. (9:46) You imagine if that was still what drove me?(9:48) To get Jessica? (9:50) Like that would, no. (9:51) What?(9:52) That's not gonna work. (9:53) But that's what drives a lot of people. (9:55) Yeah.(9:56) That's what drives a lot of people. (9:57) But that's not enough. (9:58) That's not enough to do what it takes.(10:00) Like you need a deeper reason than that.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:02) I disagree. (10:03) I don't, I'm not saying you'll be able to do it. (10:06) But if you do do it, you'll resent it.(10:08) I, do you know why I did the first bodybuilding show? (10:10) Somebody told me I should. (10:11) I'm like, you'd be good at bodybuilding.(10:12) It's like, all right, I don't know. (10:13) Fuck it, I'll do it. (10:13) I'll try it.(10:14) Then I got a coach. (10:15) And then I didn't wanna let my coach down. (10:17) I didn't wanna let my coach down.(10:18) And then when I, the closer I got to the end, the more I resented it. (10:22) And when I threw my trophies away, like somebody was like, don't throw those away. (10:25) You're gonna want those.(10:26) Well, I don't fucking want those. (10:27) That was dumb. (10:28) I don't want those trophies.(10:29) What do you, no. (10:30) I'm not gonna put them at my office. (10:32) Yeah, when I was 24, I was a dumbass.(10:35) There you go.

Alan Lazaros

(10:36) No. (10:37) You don't, you're not proud of the accomplishment? (10:39) No, no.(10:40) Good for you. (10:42) No, I am proud of my accomplishments.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:45) I, because there's a, there's an asterisk. (10:49) Anybody, anytime anybody ever asks me, am I, it was cool to see what I was capable of, sure. (10:55) But anytime anybody ever asked me about that, I always tell them.(10:57) And then shortly thereafter, I had an eating disorder. (10:59) I don't want you to see the highlight. (11:01) I want you to see the reality.

Alan Lazaros

(11:05) So what, the accomplishments, the thesis there is the accomplishments that you're proud of are the ones that were aligned.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:11) Yeah, I would say so.

Alan Lazaros

(11:12) Like part of me probably got straight A's because my mom wanted me to, but I also wanted to, for sure. (11:18) Of course I did. (11:19) President's award.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:21) That's why I didn't go to college. (11:23) The one of the reasons I didn't go to college is because I didn't want to and I didn't want to do it for somebody else. (11:27) Because I knew I wouldn't like it.(11:28) I knew I wouldn't enjoy it. (11:29) I knew I wouldn't show up. (11:31) What am I going to go because somebody wants me to go?(11:32) I can't, that's not sustainable.

Alan Lazaros

(11:35) Yeah, there's a difference. (11:36) It's like, okay, are you doing it because someone wants you to? (11:38) Are you doing it because it's something you have to do to survive?(11:41) Are you doing it?

Kevin Palmieri

(11:42) You're supposed to do.

Alan Lazaros

(11:43) Yeah, is it something you're supposed to do or are you doing it because it's something? (11:46) Now this comes to the want, love, hate framework though, because I actually think you do have to do things you don't want to do. (11:53) I think people have it in their head, particularly our generation, of we should all get to do what we want.(12:00) You hear certain techies saying how work will be optional in the future. (12:04) Yeah, well, that's scary. (12:05) And that's true, but what are we going to do with ourselves, right?(12:09) And click, click gambling, click, click video games, click, click shopping. (12:15) I mean, I bought a couple of Under Armour gear yesterday. (12:19) I was alarmed at how easy it was.(12:21) It's like, how much did I just spend? (12:22) Yeah, it's crazy. (12:23) I spent like 85 bucks.(12:25) That took me 35 seconds. (12:29) Whoa. (12:31) If I had a shopping problem, that would be a problem.(12:34) So what's my point of that? (12:35) You have to do things that you don't want to do, but you definitely want to, the only wrong answer I think is probably not to analyze it. (12:43) Like if the only reason I wanted to be wealthy was to prove Greg that he shouldn't have thrown biscuits at me or to get Jessica's attention, then that's a problem.(12:55) But that doesn't mean it can't be maybe a catalyst to something bigger and better. (13:00) And I think that by the time you get closer and closer and closer to your point, you realize whether or not it was for the right or wrong reasons. (13:06) Like if you really did have a deeper reason to do that show and it wasn't just to prove, you know, for your coach or that person, you probably would have stuck with it and then not resented it.(13:14) You would have been like, wow, I'm really glad that I, because I did a lot of things to get approval or significance or for my mom or whatever, but then I was grateful I did it because it's like, I'm grateful that I got, that I went to college, very grateful. (13:31) I mean, that was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:35) Last thing before we get out of here, there have been a few, no, several times where when I travel and I come back and we're landing, I start crying. (13:44) And it's the only reason, it's not because I got a new client or I got paid, it has nothing to do with it. (13:49) It's because at one point, I didn't even think that was fucking possible.(13:53) Flying was my biggest fear. (13:54) I never thought, now I fly, I'm flying all over the place. (13:57) It's wild, it's crazy.(13:58) I don't even, it doesn't even make sense. (14:00) I literally just like cry. (14:01) It's like, okay, this is happening again.(14:02) That's interesting. (14:04) I think it's because the goal is super aligned, super aligned, and it has nothing to do with, like, it's not shallow at all. (14:13) I'm not traveling places so I can take pictures and stuff.(14:16) I'm traveling places so I can help people, which is the best, which is the best. (14:19) Does that make sense and connect to anything we talked about? (14:22) I don't know.(14:22) But I don't resent it.

Alan Lazaros

(14:24) It's proof that little Kevin needed. (14:27) That is always it, man. (14:30) You gotta become your own hero because when you are young and insignificant, yeah, you look at people.(14:40) I remember Natalie Portman was like, if I could get a girl like that. (14:44) And it's like the best. (14:45) Emilia's unbelievable.(14:47) I mean, I've achieved my dreams. (14:49) It's wonderful, it's absolutely wonderful. (14:50) And what the hell's the point of life if it's not to, like, grow towards your goals and dreams?(14:57) I never understood that. (14:59) I think if you don't have goals and dreams, I think you're gonna end up hopeless and nihilistic. (15:02) I do.(15:03) I think that I might be the most pro-dreams of all time. (15:07) Having dreams, even if you don't achieve it, is better than having none. (15:11) You gotta have goals and dreams.(15:12) You gotta. (15:12) There has to be a meaningful goal and dream that you're striving towards. (15:15) Otherwise, life will feel empty.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:18) All right, friends, you are obviously striving. (15:20) If you need help in your striving, reach out to Alan for coaching. (15:23) If one of the things you are striving towards is more consistency when it comes to fitness, we have the Next Level Fitness Accountability Group.(15:29) It is a free WhatsApp group. (15:31) Alan and I are in there every single day, as are many of the other amazing community members. (15:36) So if you're ready to take your fitness to the next level, join that group.(15:39) As always, we love you, appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. (15:42) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow, because we will be here every single day to help you get there. (15:48) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.(15:51) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (15:55) We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

(15:58) We mean it when we say family. (16:00) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (16:03) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.(16:07) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.