Redefining Success For Yourself (2529)

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What if the definition of success you are chasing is no longer the one that serves you? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan dig into why goals must be revisited as your priorities, circumstances, and self-awareness evolve. They break down how to identify the real constraint holding you back, recognize when competing goals are creating friction, and distinguish a strategic adjustment from inconsistency.

You will learn why clarity matters before action, how identity can shape your daily decisions, and why long-term progress requires more than following the same plan forever. Success is not about forcing an outdated standard. It is about staying honest about what matters most and building the skills to move forward with intention.

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NLU is more than a podcast. From the Next Level Dreamliner to Group Coaching, we provide tools and communities to help you grow with more clarity, consistency, and accountability.

Visit our website and socials through the links below. 👇

Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Email:
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:52) Find the constraint behind your goal
(4:50) Start with what you want
(5:46) Sleep, longevity, and identity
(8:17) Failure tolerance and disappointing others
(12:04) Prioritize the current bottleneck
(13:16) When goals conflict
(16:40) Strategic adjustment versus inconsistency
(18:17) What remains consistent over time
(20:09) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri

(0:00) You may think that when you're setting a fitness goal, it should be about how many pounds you can lift or how many times you go to the gym or how much weight you lose. (0:08) I just set one that had nothing to do with any of those things.

Alan Lazaros

(0:12) If you don't have clarity of what you want, you won't be able to reverse engineer toward that goal. (0:18) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:20) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:22) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazaros. (0:25) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

(0:32) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

(0:38) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

(0:54) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. (1:01) Welcome to Next Level University.

Kevin Palmieri

(1:06) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,529, Redefining Success For Yourself. (1:12) I know what you're thinking. (1:13) You guys just did an episode on this, kind of.(1:15) We just did an episode that was called, What Does Health Actually Mean to You? (1:19) We didn't really talk about what we're going to talk about today, so it's in fairness that we do this episode. (1:24) Just had a coaching call with one Alan Lazarus, and we broke down the constraints in your boy's life, and one of those continues to be sleep.(1:37) I just do not sleep as much as I should. (1:39) For sure, I get up at the same time every day, almost no matter what. (1:42) It's dumb.(1:43) I understand. (1:45) Normally, when you would hear somebody say, all right, you're going to set a health goal, I think naturally people think that's fitness, that's activity, that's exercise, that's weight loss, whatever. (1:59) For me, it was sleep.(2:01) My goal was to get X amount of sleep per night. (2:05) That's my health goal. (2:07) I think one of the reasons we get stuck, we get trapped, we don't feel like we're making any progress is because we have never defined and or redefined what success means to us.(2:16) This is literally something we did five minutes before this episode for me. (2:22) Anytime we do something like that, I always try to bring it to the podcast because, again, we are on the journey with you. (2:28) I'm still figuring my stuff out after many years of doing this, and I think sometimes you need to take a step back and say, okay, I don't know.(2:36) Last time I checked in, my fitness goal or my health goal was to be consistent in the gym. (2:40) I've been consistent in the gym, but now I'm sleeping in garbage or I'm not drinking enough water or whatever. (2:44) So there's never not going to be a time where there's an opportunity for you to redefine success and what it means for you.

Alan Lazaros

(2:52) So that was based on constraint theory. (2:55) It's based on if you want to level up your health, your wealth, or your love, and you want to be successful in those areas, there's always a different constraint for everybody. (3:08) So coaching remains the same, but the way in which I coach changes based on the person.(3:15) It changes based on their goals, and it changes based on their circumstances. (3:19) I used to say core values, but kind of not anymore. (3:22) Yeah, it's a little different, but I think goals are just core values in the future.(3:26) I started saying that about a year ago. (3:28) I actually think that's true. (3:29) We should do an episode on that at some point.(3:31) It's like you valued cars when you were a kid, so now you have a goal to have a certain car. (3:35) I didn't really until I test drove a Cybertruck. (3:38) But I want to go here first, and then I want to go to constraint.(3:45) How do you get clarity on the constraint? (3:54) Because first and foremost, you can't have a constraint unless you have a goal, and no one really taught goal setting. (4:03) The only person I've ever seen teach goal setting is Jim Rohn.(4:08) Have you ever seen a goal setting class? (4:12) Maybe Brian Tracy.

Kevin Palmieri

(4:15) Maybe. (4:15) I don't know. (4:16) I couldn't tell you the specific, but I feel like maybe I've heard him.(4:21) Side rant. (4:22) What is that about? (4:25) I don't know how you can really teach it because there has to be kind of a specific, right?(4:30) So it's what is the principle-based, what's the standard operating procedure for setting a goal? (4:38) Yeah, there's smart goals. (4:41) Yeah, but that's telling you what it needs to be.(4:44) Specific, measurable. (4:45) How do I figure? (4:46) Okay, cool.(4:47) Specific. (4:48) How do I start? (4:49) I don't know where to start.

Alan Lazaros

(4:50) The first thing is you have to ask, what do I want? (4:56) What do I want to achieve? (4:59) All right, so let's do this.(5:01) So what do you want to achieve under health? (5:06) Based on the sleep thing or just in general? (5:07) In general.(5:08) Jacked. (5:09) Okay. (5:10) Just be jacked.(5:11) So that's too vague. (5:13) Go more specific. (5:15) Body con?(5:16) I want to have visible abs. (5:17) Okay, visible abs. (5:18) Okay.(5:19) Okay. (5:21) This is why we probably confuse people. (5:24) How does that have to do with you getting good sleep?(5:26) I know what it has. (5:28) I know why. (5:29) But let's break that down.(5:31) Oh, I was just using that disconnected from the sleep. (5:34) No, but it is connected. (5:36) I know.(5:36) If you want to have a great physique with abs, you have to get better sleep. (5:41) You don't have to get better sleep, but that is the bottleneck. (5:44) So you can't connect it.(5:45) Is that what you're saying?

Kevin Palmieri

(5:46) No, no, no. (5:46) I just think it might be better if we just started with the sleep part. (5:52) Because the reason I want to get better sleep is not because I want abs.(5:55) It's because I don't want to die at 47 years old. (5:59) I mean, that really is it. (6:00) Very honest, I'm not necessarily thinking about it from a day-to-day performance thing as much as I'm thinking about it from a longevity thing.(6:09) And I realized how much of my identity, it is such a, literally we had a joke on the call where I said, does he try to sleep until seven o'clock? (6:18) I can't tomorrow because I have to be up at 1 a.m. to go to the airport. (6:21) But I don't know if I can do it.(6:25) It seems impossible to sleep until seven. (6:27) It seems impossible. (6:29) I feel like the world is passing me by.(6:32) The world, it feels like the world is passing me by. (6:35) My God.

Alan Lazaros

(6:36) That is a hell of an overswing. (6:39) I know. (6:40) I know.(6:40) Okay. (6:41) Another successful individual on the other side of this microphone is going to sleep past seven tomorrow for sure, but he's going to work past eight tonight. (6:51) Yeah, that's true.(6:53) Yeah. (6:53) I'm not. (6:54) I'm being bit.(6:54) Okay. (6:55) Wait, wait, wait. (6:55) No, no, no.(6:56) We can't just have you say that and then be done with discussion. (6:59) I thought you, well, you went, you fell for it a little bit. (7:01) I did fall for it.(7:02) I did. (7:03) And not this time. (7:03) I won the debate.(7:04) I almost, yeah, I almost fell for it. (7:07) Holy shit. (7:07) I almost fell for it.(7:09) No. (7:11) If I don't work till 8.30, that doesn't work. (7:14) I'm going to, uh, why is the world passing you by for you getting an extra hour of sleep?

Kevin Palmieri

(7:23) I feel as if getting up early allows me to be hyper proactive. (7:29) Okay. (7:30) And it's.(7:30) First of all, you lost me already because you said feel. (7:34) It allows me to think that I'm being very proactive. (7:38) Yeah.(7:39) No, my day feels, you know how your, your day must feel, your day must feel like fucking mayhem. (7:44) You're rushing home from the gym. (7:46) You're like, oh my God, am I going to make my 12?(7:48) I can't live like that. (7:50) I can't live like that.

Alan Lazaros

(7:51) Okay. (7:52) Okay. (7:52) Now we got to the root cause.(7:53) You believe currently that that's the limiting belief. (7:57) But I don't want to live like that. (7:58) No, no, no.(7:58) That's fair.

Kevin Palmieri

(7:59) Yeah. (8:00) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(8:00) But might you want to, if you knew the benefit?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:05) I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(8:05) And, and do you believe in your ability to adapt better than I have?

Kevin Palmieri

(8:11) I think it stresses me out more than I, maybe more than seems like I can handle.

Alan Lazaros

(8:17) To bring this back for the listeners. (8:19) I just want to share something because we're doing this. (8:20) I think this is good.(8:22) Deep down. (8:23) What I think you're avoiding is that massive feeling of failure. (8:27) When you look, everyone has a failure tolerance today.(8:33) I have failed a lot. (8:36) Like what does that mean? (8:39) I let a lot of people down today.(8:41) One of my clients, shout out to you, Claudia, we had to reschedule a podcast episode. (8:46) I had to reschedule on my therapist, Carol. (8:49) And I said, you got to charge me.(8:51) I'm not going to, you know, hurt your business. (8:54) I've, I've just taken a lot of L's today. (8:56) These were, it's like, well, Alan, if you're so dialed in, why did you?(9:01) Because what I'm trying to accomplish is beyond my current capabilities. (9:08) And I am trying really hard to increase my capabilities by being in the challenge skills, sweet spot. (9:15) I think you and I talked about this earlier.(9:21) I'm my capabilities. (9:23) I feel like are higher than my, my demand right now. (9:29) Not today.(9:30) Not today. (9:30) But like last week I had a couple of days where it was like, Oh, I am more capable than this. (9:36) It's time to up the ante.(9:37) Let's go. (9:38) And immediately I start raising my goals. (9:39) Okay.(9:40) You feel like you're beyond your current capabilities. (9:43) Is that fair? (9:46) Hmm.(9:46) Right on the edge. (9:47) Maybe not beyond, but right on the edge. (9:50) Okay.(9:50) And so you're, if you're, if you feel right on the edge or think you're right on the edge or believe you're right on the edge, what are the chances you're going to want to be more you're right. (9:57) So, so the limiting belief there is underneath this feeling of failure, you are already tolerating as much failure as you're willing to tolerate basically.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:07) It's a failure and disappointment of others. (10:09) I would say that tracks. (10:10) Yeah.(10:10) You know, I hate that. (10:11) I can't fucking stand disappointing other people, which is good because one of the best ways to be successful is to not disappoint other people. (10:18) But it does get to a point where it's like, well, if you're working with a thousand people, 10 of them are going to be disappointed.

Alan Lazaros

(10:23) Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

(10:24) 990 might sing your praises, but 10, 10 of those are going to be disappointed with you, unfortunately.

Alan Lazaros

(10:29) And some of them will be disappointed no matter what you do, because they're entitled. (10:31) That's a whole nother conversation, but okay. (10:33) So to bring this back to clarity goals, I think one of the things that can come up here in this episode that's of value is you have an unconscious goal of avoiding failure.(10:48) And to you, failure means feeling like a failure, which means disappointing others. (10:54) That's fair. (10:55) Yeah.(10:55) So on some level, subconsciously and unconsciously, you won't wake up tomorrow at 7am instead of 6am because you're avoiding disappointing others.

Kevin Palmieri

(11:08) I mean, it doesn't shit in my mind. (11:10) It's like, well, then I'm gonna have to rush to the gym. (11:12) Yep.(11:12) Yep. (11:13) The gym is by stress relief. (11:15) Yep.(11:15) So I'm literally going to do less of my stress relief and then pick up more stress and then expect that to go well. (11:22) Then what? (11:24) The other piece of it too, that I don't, I mean, again, it's, you know, things could be adjusted, but I have certain things on certain days for certain clients that have to go out at a certain time.(11:34) So it's like, I wouldn't even be able to do my, my normal morning routine on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, like wouldn't work.

Alan Lazaros

(11:42) Yeah. (11:43) And this is where someone would say, well, what would that mean? (11:45) And that whole thing.(11:46) I'm not saying that you're suboptimal. (11:48) That's not my... (11:49) No, no.(11:49) I know. (11:49) But I do think everyone is, including you and I in some ways. (11:52) Of course.(11:53) I concur. (11:54) So to bring this back to the goal setting, you set a goal to live longer and to live better from longevity perspective. (12:04) Okay.(12:05) The constraint to that is sleep. (12:08) Okay. (12:08) So now you're going to prioritize sleep.(12:10) That's your number one, most important skill right now. (12:11) Okay. (12:12) For the listeners, what are the goals that you want to achieve?(12:17) And then what is the bottleneck? (12:20) And I think that we need to teach how to come up with that. (12:25) And I think it's asking and answering questions.

Kevin Palmieri

(12:30) Yeah. (12:30) But it's, that's the problem is it's not always like, okay. (12:36) One thing I could do is just go to bed earlier.(12:40) Problem solved. (12:41) Still get up at six, go to bed earlier. (12:47) Right.(12:47) Nine, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. (12:50) If I go to bed at 10 o'clock, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, that's eight hours. (12:56) Assuming you hit the bed and are out.(12:59) Yeah. (12:59) But like, let's say I go to bed at 9 30. (13:01) Yeah.(13:01) Sure. (13:01) Not unreasonable. (13:03) That's sustainable.(13:03) I could do that. (13:04) For sure. (13:05) The problem is, and again, I'm going to get off of my story because it's not about me, but the problem becomes like certain travel and anomaly shit, which is why I think it's really hard.

Alan Lazaros

(13:16) This is what happens. (13:18) You have goals in conflict. (13:19) Your goal is to grow the company.(13:21) And in order to grow the company, you have to travel.

Kevin Palmieri

(13:23) That, I think that is why, that is why you have to, that is why everybody's always redefining success because here's what happens. (13:31) You join the 10 pound in 10 week challenge. (13:33) Awesome.(13:33) Love it. (13:33) Fuck yeah. (13:34) Good for you.(13:35) Then you realize I'm spending more time with fitness than I was, than I am with my partner. (13:40) Okay. (13:41) Interesting.(13:41) That's an interesting detriment that I didn't expect. (13:43) Okay. (13:43) A couple ideas.(13:44) Your partner can come for a walk with you. (13:47) You can go to sleep earlier and, and, or get up at a different time. (13:50) You can exercise.(13:51) There's different ways to do it. (13:52) That creates another problem. (13:54) Yeah.(13:55) And then you have to redefine success again, because now you're doing the weight loss thing and the 10 pounds in 10 weeks, you're spending more, it's the same amount of time with your partner, but something else just fell. (14:04) And it's never ending. (14:05) This is always happening.(14:07) That's why this, we'll have another one of these episodes in six months because we'll be going through the same thing because that's just the way it goes.

Alan Lazaros

(14:13) Well, I have a, another question that is going to appear selfish and I think some of it is, but I also know it'll be a value. (14:21) I know some people who are constantly changing their goals all the time and they're changing their approaches all the time. (14:30) And they're changing their, they're going from fad to fad to fad or thing to thing to thing or idea to idea to idea to idea.(14:39) My very question that I want answered that I also think will be a value from you is, I just had a little breakthrough. (14:47) The person I'm thinking of who is more ideas and less action. (14:54) Sometimes I would have a roll my eyes moment of like, Oh, this is now you're changing again.(15:02) I wonder if that's how I look.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:09) I don't know. (15:11) I don't feel like you changed that many things.

Alan Lazaros

(15:15) Like there's, but I changed my most important skill constantly. (15:18) I changed my priorities constantly.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:20) Yeah, but nobody, well maybe like people behind the scenes, maybe most people don't know, right? (15:25) What that is.

Alan Lazaros

(15:26) Yeah. (15:26) I'm changing my habits. (15:27) I'm tweaking them.(15:27) I have one client. (15:28) I know you're listening. (15:30) His most important skill says do not touch in all caps because I'm constantly trying to change it.(15:36) And here's my truth brother. (15:37) If you are listening, I don't think that's the bottleneck anymore. (15:42) I'm always changing to whatever the bottleneck is versus some people.(15:45) I think they just are doing these ideas.

Kevin Palmieri

(15:49) I have a client who I said like between now and the next time we speak, you're not allowed to touch your fucking website. (15:53) I don't want you to change the verbiage. (15:55) I stop.(15:56) What are we doing?

Alan Lazaros

(15:57) Let's talk about that because I'm not, I'm always changing based on circumstances change.

Kevin Palmieri

(16:05) And it's, I think for a lot of people it's based on an obsession, not based on like a data. (16:09) It's not data. (16:10) It's not strategy because it's not, it's not, it's like a, one of the reasons I get up early, it, I don't, there's something underneath, like the best way for me to be of value is to be available for longer.(16:24) Like that's one of the identity things I've always gotten up early for that reason. (16:28) Cause I've always done jobs that required you to be there super early. (16:32) And that was the way it went.(16:35) So like, there's an identity thing under that for me. (16:37) I think that's a piece of it for other people.

Alan Lazaros

(16:40) So one thing is you're, you're changing your strategy because the goal has shifted. (16:46) Your awareness has shifted or your circumstances have shifted. (16:50) And the other one is you're just changing all the time because you can never stay consistent at anything.(16:55) I feel like the second one is more common. (16:59) For sure. (16:59) Yeah, for sure.(17:00) Yeah. (17:01) I, I re strategize, dude, you and I been in business coming up on 10 years in March NLU 10.0. Awesome. (17:09) We've changed a thousand times, but we never, it was always like figuring out how to succeed.(17:20) Same road, different lane. (17:21) Yeah. (17:22) And the vehicles didn't change that much either.(17:24) Like it was always kind of coaching, training, podcasting. (17:27) Well, speaking, well, speaking and speaking and training aren't that far. (17:31) And then I wrote for a while, I did a blog, like I'm experimenting.(17:34) So it's very hard to tell the difference between experiments toward goals of learning and growth versus experimenting because you're avoiding consistency longterm. (17:45) And maybe that's another episode, but we're doing the consistency star in group coaching right now. (17:52) And it's making me think a lot about from the outside in, I don't think you and I would look that consistent.(18:01) That's fair. (18:02) I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:03) I think there's certain markers. (18:04) Yeah. (18:04) The 2,500 episodes for sure.(18:07) Nobody's ever asked me. (18:08) Like when I say that, they don't ask, well, how's your day changed? (18:12) You know, like, do you still do the same things you used to do?(18:15) Nobody really asks. (18:16) So I don't know.

Alan Lazaros

(18:17) Yeah. (18:17) Maybe that's why it's so hard to reverse engineer someone's success too. (18:20) Cause if you meet someone 20 years in what did stay consistent and what didn't, they might not even know.

Kevin Palmieri

(18:30) We said, we taught, you know, like we talked about this all the time. (18:32) There's so many things that we used to say that I just forgot that we said that I don't say anymore that I don't remember. (18:36) It's just gone.(18:37) I might've thought it was like the thing, the biggest difference between the person you are today and the person you want to be in the future is your habits. (18:44) I haven't said that in eight months. (18:46) I haven't said that in eight months.(18:48) It's a good one. (18:48) It's a good, it's great. (18:49) It's, I feel like it's, I feel like it's principally sound, but what else did I used to say?

Alan Lazaros

(18:54) Yeah. (18:55) What are the things that never changed? (18:58) That's, that's a good question for people that are successful.(19:00) Okay. (19:00) Let's get back to it. (19:01) One of them is goal setting and reorienting toward them.(19:04) Also the other one for me is being on time. (19:06) I have a coaching call in one minute, so we're going to have to wrap this up. (19:08) Let's wrap it.(19:09) Part two. (19:10) Yep. (19:10) Okay.(19:11) Clarity on goals, health, wealth, and love. (19:13) How do you know when to change the goal? (19:16) How do you know when to restrategize towards the goal?(19:18) How do you know if you're making a mistake by changing the goal? (19:21) How do you know when you have goals in conflict? (19:23) We're going to do all things goals.

Kevin Palmieri

(19:25) That'll be a heavy one. (19:26) We'll, we'll have some, we'll try to have some back and forth banter on that because I think that is where it's very hard in the details because if you don't know what the specific goal is, you can only dig so deep. (19:35) So yeah.(19:35) All right. (19:35) Make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll talk about that part too. (19:38) If you are out there and you're trying to redefine success for yourself and you don't know where to start, reach out to Alan.(19:42) Alan can help you. (19:43) He's coaching many people. (19:44) He has coached many people, many thousands of coaching sessions.(19:47) He can help you for sure. (19:48) And if one of the health goals for you that you are trying to reprioritize and redefine is fitness, especially being accountable and consistent when it comes to fitness, we have the next level fitness accountability group. (19:59) We're in there every single day, flex on them.(20:01) I'm sweating. (20:01) The shirt is too tight, but it's because of fitness, you know, because I'm at the gym, baby. (20:07) And it's probably a baby gap small.(20:10) As always, we love you. (20:11) We appreciate you. (20:11) Grateful for each and every one of you.(20:12) If you are as committed as you say you are to getting to the next level, make sure you tune in tomorrow because we'll be here every single freaking day to help you get there.

Alan Lazaros

(20:18) Keep leveling up to reach your full potential.

Kevin Palmieri

(20:21) Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. (20:25) We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

(20:27) We mean it when we say family. (20:30) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (20:33) Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.(20:36) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.